Thursday, December 28, 2023

Shailene Woodley Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Shailene Woodley-whose latest project "Ferrari" is in theaters now.

Shailene Woodley's Filmography Ranked:

13.Allegiant (C)

12.Adrift (C+)

11.The Mauritanian (B-)

10.To Catch a Killer (B-)

9.Dumb Money (B)

8.The Fallout (B)

7.Snowden (B)

6.Insurgent (B)

5.White Bird in a Blizzard (B)

4.The Fault in Our Stars (B)

3.Divergent (B)

2.The Spectacular Now (A)

1.The Descendants (A)

Top Dog: The Descendants (2011)

Prior to The Holdovers, The Descendants was my favorite movie from Alexander Payne. It's the rare human drama about loss, grief, etc. that understands that moments of side-splitting situational comedy occur while navigating such a heavy situation, the performances from George Clooney and Woodley as an estranged father and daughter that are having a hard time keeping their family together during a trying time in their lives are stunning career highlights that should've earned them a truckload of gold statues and it captures the singular beauty of Hawaii better than almost any other movie I've seen.  

Bottom Feeder: Allegiant (2016)

Disjointed and pretty light on compelling drama, Allegiant is a fairly underwhelming conclusion to the Divergent franchise that has become kind of an unintentionally hilarious movie since they never made the final installment on account of how poorly it performed at the box office. 

Most Underrated: The Spectacular Now (2013)

This coming-of-age gem that came out in the very early days of A24's distribution operation (6 months in to be exact) is a sweet yet melancholic romantic drama about the blossoming of an unlikely relationship between a popular boy (Miles Teller) and loner girl (Shailene Woodley) during their senior year of high school. Every character and the decisions they make feels completely real, Teller and Woodley are an exceptionally well-matched pair that pour every ounce of their heart into their performances and the supporting cast full of familiar faces (Brie Larson, Kyle Chandler, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Bob Odenkirk, Kaitlyn Dever) are almost as terrific as the leads.     

Most Overrated: None 

I considered selecting The Fault in Our Stars for a minute, but the acting and its ability to make tearjerking YA melodrama about as earnest as it can possibly is far too strong for me to dub that movie overrated. At the end of the day, Woodley's filmography has too many unsung indies and mainstream titles with lukewarm-to-mildly positive reception in it for her to have anything that really fits the criteria here. 

Wednesday, December 27, 2023

2023 NFL Power Rankings: Week 17

 ()=Previous Ranking

1.(2) Baltimore Ravens (12-3) Week 17 opponent: Miami Dolphins

2.(1) San Francisco 49ers (11-4) Week 17 opponent: Washington Commanders

3.(3) Miami Dolphins (11-4) Week 17 opponent: Baltimore Ravens

4.(5) Buffalo Bills (9-6) Week 17 opponent: New England Patriots

5.(7) Detroit Lions (11-4) Week 17 opponent: Dallas Cowboys

6.(4) Dallas Cowboys (10-5) Week 17 opponent: Detroit Lions

7.(8) Philadelphia Eagles (11-4) Week 17 opponent: Arizona Cardinals

8.(9) Cleveland Browns (9-6) Week 17 opponent: New York Jets

9.(6) Kansas City Chiefs (9-6) Week 17 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

10.(13) Los Angeles Rams (8-7) Week 17 opponent: New York Giants

11.(16) Seattle Seahawks (8-7) Week 17 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers

12.(17) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-7) Week 17 opponent: New Orleans Saints

13.(11) Houston Texans (8-7) Week 17 opponent: Tennessee Titans

14.(10) Cincinnati Bengals (8-7) Week 17 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs

15.(12) Jacksonville Jaguars (8-7) Week 17 opponent: Carolina Panthers

16.(14) Indianapolis Colts (8-7) Week 17 opponent: Las Vegas Raiders

17.(21) Pittsburgh Steelers (8-7) Week 17 opponent: Seattle Seahawks

18.(15) Denver Broncos (7-8) Week 17 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers

19.(18) Minnesota Vikings (7-8) Week 17 opponent: Green Bay Packers

20.(20) Green Bay Packers (7-8) Week 17 opponent: Minnesota Vikings

21.(22) Atlanta Falcons (7-8) Week 17 opponent: Chicago Bears

22.(23) Las Vegas Raiders (7-8) Week 17 opponent: Indianapolis Colts

23.(19) New Orleans Saints (7-8) Week 17 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers  

24.(24) Chicago Bears (6-9) Week 17 opponent: Atlanta Falcons

25.(27) New York Jets (6-9) Week 17 opponent: Cleveland Browns

26.(25) New York Giants (5-10) Week 17 opponent: Los Angeles Rams

27.(26) Tennessee Titans (4-11) Week 17 opponent: Houston Texans

28.(30) New England Patriots (4-11) Week 17 opponent: Buffalo Bills

29.(28) Washington Commanders (4-11) Week 17 opponent: San Francisco 49ers

30.(31) Los Angeles Chargers (5-10) Week 17 opponent: Denver Broncos

31.(29) Arizona Cardinals (3-12) Week 17 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles

32.(32) Carolina Panthers (2-13) Week 17 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars

Tuesday, December 26, 2023

Week 16 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers: 2023 Edition

Quarterback

MVP: Josh Allen (Bills) 

A pair of rushing TD's on only 5 carries made up for a pretty pedestrian passing line (237 YDS/1 TD/1 INT) against an awful Chargers defense and powered Allen to this honor. He'll have revenge on his mind this Sunday against a Patriots defense that kind of embarrassed him in their prior meeting this season. 

Honorable Mentions: Justin Fields (Bears), Jalen Hurts (Eagles), Jordan Love (Packers)

LVP: Brock Purdy (49ers)

For the 2nd straight week, an MVP campaign died in primetime as Purdy had the worst game of his young career-chucking 4 INT's and throwing for 255 scoreless YDS against the Ravens before backup Sam Darnold took over for the final 8 minutes of the game. Purdy will close out the 2023 fantasy football season against the Commanders league-worst pass defense. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Jared Goff (Lions), Tua Tagovailoa (Dolphins), Gardner Minshew (Colts)

Running Back

MVP: Breece Hall (Jets)

What a day for the Breece Hall stockholders that stuck with him through his largely underwhelming sophomore season. The Trevor Siemian-led Jets offense relied almost exclusively Hall on to lead them to a narrow victory over the Commanders as he handled a massive workload (20 carries, 12 receptions) and turned into 191 scrimmage YDS and a pair of rushing TD's. After this huge explosion, Hall should come crashing back to earth in whiplash-inducing fashion when he goes up against the Browns elite defense in Week 17.  

Honorable Mentions: Christian McCaffery (49ers), Jahmyr Gibbs (Lions), Derrick Henry (Titans)

LVP: Travis Etienne (Jaguars)

A strong Bucs rush defense and huge early deficit rendered Etienne effectively useless in a deflating blowout loss for the reeling Jaguars as he finished the game with just 9 touches (6 carries, 3 receptions) for 31 YDS. Regardless of whether it's Trevor Lawrence or C.J. Beathard playing QB this week for the Jags, Etienne should be much more involved versus a Panthers D that is much stronger against the pass than they are against the run. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Tony Pollard (Cowboys), James Cook (Bills), De'Von Achane (Dolphins)

Wide Receiver

MVP: Amari Cooper (Browns)

Cooper's run of strong play with Joe Flacco under center reached its eye-popping apex in Week 16 as he not only had the best game of his career, but the best receiving performance in Browns history with his 11 REC/265 YD/2 TD eruption versus an overmatched Texans secondary. He also managed to elevate his fantasy day even further by converting a 2-PT CNV. He'll probably end up going for about 200+ less YDS against a tough Jets secondary on Thursday night.  

Honorable Mentions: George Pickens (Steelers), Puka Nacua (Rams), Mike Evans (Buccaneers)

LVP: Davante Adams (Raiders)

Aidan O'Connell failed to complete a pass after the 1st quarter and Jakobi Meyers ended up with over 2/3 of the receiving YDS, so unsurprisingly it was a really quiet day at the office for Adams as he managed just 1 catch for 4 YDS on 6 targets. Adams' fantasy managers will cross their fingers for a nice conclusion to his understandably erratic 2023 campaign when he takes on the Colts on Sunday.  

Dishonorable Mentions: D.J. Moore (Bears), DeAndre Hopkins (Titans), Stefon Diggs (Bills)

Tight End 

MVP: George Kittle (49ers)

Kittle was one of the few 49ers that had a good showing against the Ravens last night as he picked up 7 receptions for 126 YDS in their humbling blowout loss at home. If Kittle is equally involved in the passing game this week against the Commanders, he could be in-line for an even more monstrous performance.

Honorable Mentions: David Njoku (Browns), Cole Kmet (Bears), Chigoziem Okonkwo (Titans)

LVP: Dalton Kincaid (Bills)

While Kincaid didn't put up back-to-back goose eggs, his 1 reception/7 YD performance versus the Chargers horrendous pass D still qualifies as a massive letdown for the people that were expecting him to right the ship in a big way following his dud against the Cowboys in Week 15. Kincaid will be a really shaky starting option against the Patriots this week. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Sam LaPorta (Lions), Darren Waller (Giants), Pat Friermuth (Steelers)

Defense/Special Teams

MVP: Ravens

Anybody that was brave enough to play the Ravens D/ST versus the 49ers got massively rewarded. While the 17 points allowed prevented it from being one of the best fantasy outings of the year by any team, putting up 5 INT's and 4 sacks against an offense that had looked basically unstoppable over the previous 6 games is an incredible accomplishment that deserves to be widely celebrated. The Ravens will hope to make it back-to-back strong showings against elite offenses when they take on the Dolphins in Week 17. 

Honorable Mentions: Steelers, Jets, Browns

LVP: Packers

The Fire Joe Barry crew just might get what they want in the near future after the Packers embattled DC allowed Bryce Young-who is in the midst of one of the worst rookie seasons we've seen from a top QB prospect in recent memory-to put up 30 points and register his 1st 300-YD passing performance on his group. They also mustered just 2 sacks and 0 takeaways as the Packers just barely hung onto win against the (now) 2-13 Panthers. Despite heading into a matchup with noted gunslinger Nick Mullens-who has chucked 6 picks in his 2 starts this season, the Packers will be an easy drop this week.  

Dishonorable Mentions: Cowboys, Saints, Bengals

Thursday, December 21, 2023

Randall Park Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Randall Park-whose latest project "Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom" is in theaters today.

Randall Park's Filmography Ranked:

22.The House (C)

21.Sex Tape (C)

20.Snatched (C)

19.The Meddler (C)

18.Totally Killer (C)

17.They Came Together (C)

16.Larry Crowne (C)

15.Shortcomings (C+)

14.Strays (B-)

13.Dinner for Schmucks (B-)

12.The Lego Ninjago Movie (B-)

11.Office Christmas Party (B)

10.Ant-Man and the Wasp (B)

9.The Five-Year Engagement (B)

8.The Interview (B)

7.The Hollars (B)

6.Always Be My Maybe (B)

5.Aquaman (B+)

4.Trainwreck (A-)

3.The Night Before (A)

2.The Disaster Artist (A)

1.Long Shot (A)

Top Dog: Long Shot (2019)

In terms of recent romantic comedies at least, Long Shot stands alone at the top of the mountain. Seth Rogen and Charlize Theron are a perfectly-matched odd couple with endless chemistry (both romantic and comedic), the supporting cast (O'Shea Jackson Jr., June Diane Raphael, Ravi Patel, Bob Odenkirk, Andy Serkis, Alexander Skarsgard) routinely steal scenes with their terrific line delivery/comedic timing and it manages to be delightfully warm and sentimental without ever feeling forced or unbearably corny. 

Bottom Feeder: The House (2017)

The House is the kind of colossal waste of talent and funny premise (Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler play a married couple who open up an illegal casino to help pay their daughter's college tuition) that is difficult to comprehend. There's just so much easy potential for laughs to mine here with its setup and the movie constantly fails to conjure up the absurdist or black comedy magic it would've needed to be a laugh riot. Easily one of the biggest R-rated comedy misfires of the 2010's.        

Most Underrated: The Night Before (2015)

The Night Before may've never found a place in most people's Christmas movie rotations, but I love it all the same. The seamlessness in which its blend raunchy laughs with genuine heart is incredible, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen and Anthony Mackie share a terrific, believable rapport as three lifelong friends who reunite every Christmas Eve and Michael Shannon's bit part as "Mr. Green" is one of the weirdest, wildest and finest performances he's ever turned in.

Most Overrated: They Came Together (2014)

David Wain returning to the world of whacky satire 13 years after hitting a towering grand slam in the genre with Wet Hot American Summer should've delighted me to no end, but it just didn't. As admirably silly as this send-up of romantic comedies is, I just didn't find myself laughing a whole lot as its crackpot bits played out. Perhaps a second viewing will get me on board with this cult favorite. 

Wednesday, December 20, 2023

2023 NFL Power Rankings: Week 16

 ()=Previous Ranking

1.(1) San Francisco 49ers (11-3) Week 16 opponent: Baltimore Ravens

2.(3) Baltimore Ravens (11-3) Week 16 opponent: San Francisco 49ers

3.(4) Miami Dolphins (10-4) Week 16 opponent: Dallas Cowboys

4.(2) Dallas Cowboys (10-4) Week 16 opponent: Miami Dolphins

5.(6) Buffalo Bills (8-6) Week 16 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers

6.(7) Kansas City Chiefs (9-5) Week 16 opponent: Las Vegas Raiders

7.(8) Detroit Lions (10-4) Week 16 opponent: Minnesota Vikings

8.(5) Philadelphia Eagles (10-4) Week 16 opponent: New York Giants

9.(10) Cleveland Browns (8-6) Week 16 opponent: Houston Texans

10.(12) Cincinnati Bengals (8-6) Week 16 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers

11.(13) Houston Texans (8-6) Week 16 opponent: Cleveland Browns

12.(11) Jacksonville Jaguars (8-6) Week 16 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

13.(15) Los Angeles Rams (7-7) Week 16 opponent: New Orleans Saints

14.(16) Indianapolis Colts (8-6) Week 16 opponent: Atlanta Falcons

15.(9) Denver Broncos (7-7) Week 16 opponent: New England Patriots

16.(18) Seattle Seahawks (7-7) Week 16 opponent: Tennessee Titans

17.(20) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-7) Week 16 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars

18.(17) Minnesota Vikings (7-7) Week 16 opponent: Detroit Lions

19.(22) New Orleans Saints (7-7) Week 16 opponent: Los Angeles Rams

20.(14) Green Bay Packers (6-8) Week 16 opponent: Carolina Panthers

21.(19) Pittsburgh Steelers (7-7) Week 16 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

22.(21) Atlanta Falcons (6-8) Week 16 opponent: Indianapolis Colts

23.(28) Las Vegas Raiders (6-8) Week 16 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs 

24.(23) Chicago Bears (5-9) Week 16 opponent: Arizona Cardinals

25.(24) New York Giants (5-9) Week 16 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles

26.(25) Tennessee Titans (4-10) Week 16 opponent: Seattle Seahawks

27.(26) New York Jets (5-9) Week 16 opponent: Washington Commanders

28.(29) Washington Commanders (4-10) Week 16 opponent: New York Jets

29.(30) Arizona Cardinals (3-11) Week 16 opponent: Chicago Bears

30.(31) New England Patriots (3-11) Week 16 opponent: Denver Broncos

31.(27) Los Angeles Chargers (5-9) Week 16 opponent: Buffalo Bills

32.(32) Carolina Panthers (2-12) Week 16 opponent: Green Bay Packers

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

Week 15 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers: 2023 Edition

Quarterback:

MVP: Jared Goff (Lions)

Goff made up for being basically unplayable over the past month with an unexpected Week 15 explosion (278 YDS, 5 TD's) versus a Broncos defense that had been playing pretty well of late prior to this horrific dud. His fantasy owners will hope for another prosperous turn of the Wheel of Goff Outcomes in this week's contest against an aggressive Vikings defense that is more than capable of getting sacks and forcing a QB to make some costly errors. 

Honorable Mentions: Brock Purdy (49ers), Jalen Hurts (Eagles), Baker Mayfield (Buccaneers)

LVP: Dak Prescott (Cowboys)

And just like that, Prescott's MVP campaign and the championship hopes of a fair number of fantasy players died under the gray, rainy skies of Orchard Park, New York. The relentless aggression of the Bills defense knocked him completely out of rhythm and it led to another one of his signature soul-crushing flops (134 YDS/0 TD's/INT, 27 Rushing YDS) that people like to cite when questioning his ability to perform on the biggest stages of the sport. Prescott will remain away from the friendly confines of AT&T Stadium in Week 16 and is no lock to perform against a Dolphins defense that just put together a dominant performance versus the Jets.  

Dishonorable Mentions: Justin Fields (Bears), Sam Howell (Commanders), Tua Tagovailoa (Dolphins)

Running Back

MVP: Christian McCaffery (49ers)

Somebody on the 49ers made their case for both the real and fantasy MVP this past Sunday and it wasn't Brock Purdy. CMC carved up the Cardinals talent-lite defense with flare and efficiency, needing only 23 touches (18 carries, 5 receptions) to put up 187 YDS and 3 TD's. McCaffery will get what could prove to be his toughest test of the year on Christmas Day against the Ravens top-ranked defense.    

Honorable Mentions: James Cook (Bills), Jahmyr Gibbs (Lions), Ty Chandler (Vikings)

LVP: Bijan Robinson (Falcons)

Arthur Smith continues to be a major thorn in the side of the Falcons skill position players and Robinson was the top victim of his egregious personnel mismanagement this week. After a rough start in which he gained 14 YDS on just 8 touches, Smith sat Robinson down for the rest of the day after he lost a fumble in the 3rd quarter in what ended up being a heinous loss for the Falcons to the lowly Panthers. Per usual, any outcome will be possible for the rookie back when the Falcons take on the Colts and their pretty horrific run D this week. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Derrick Henry (Titans), Breece Hall (Jets), Saquon Barkley (Giants)

Wide Receiver 

MVP: Jaylen Waddle (Dolphins)

Without Tyreek Hill in the lineup for the 1st time this season, Waddle rose to the occasion and provided the Dolphins with the big play spark (8 REC/142 YDS/TD) they needed to outlast the Jets tough defense. If Hill can't go again, Waddle will be a top 5 WR1 option versus a Cowboys secondary that has had some poor showings against top pass-catchers including DK Metcalf, George Kittle and Keenan Allen this season. 

Honorable Mentions: Jordan Addison (Vikings), Terry McLaurin (Commanders), Cooper Kupp (Rams)

LVP: Zay Flowers (Ravens)

Flowers came crashing back down to Earth in painfully notable fashion after back-to-back strong outings with a very quiet 1 REC/7 YD performance against a banged-up Jaguars secondary in a weird game where the Ravens passing offense almost exclusively operated through Isaiah Likely and Rashod Bateman. The 49ers offer a less-than-ideal get right spot for the promising rookie wideout in Week 16.

Dishonorable Mentions: Tyler Lockett (Seahawks), Garrett Wilson (Jets), Drake London (Falcons)

Tight End

MVP: Sam LaPorta (Lions)

The expected LaPorta bounceback performance after another rough outing against the Bears was even better than anticipated as the rookie TE propped up a merely respectable REC/YD line (5/56) with 3 trips to the endzone in the Lions dominant win over the Broncos. LaPorta will square off against the Vikings very beatable pass D this Sunday.

Honorable Mentions: David Njoku (Browns), Isaiah Likely (Ravens), Trey McBride (Cardinals)

LVP: Dalton Kincaid (Bills)

After dropping a pair of passes in the 1st quarter against the Cowboys, Kincaid didn't even get another target as the Bills rode James Cook and the legs of Josh Allen to a dominant win that kept them firmly in the thick of the wild card race. Kincaid should get plenty more work when the Bills take on the DOA Chargers on Saturday night.

Dishonorable Mentions: Pat Friermuth (Steelers), Logan Thomas (Commanders), Evan Engram (Jaguars)

Defense/Special Teams

MVP: Dolphins

If the Dolphins played the Jets every week, they'd be the 2023 D/ST MVP's. This latest (and sadly for them, final) dismantling of the Jets offense resulted in 6 sacks, 2 picks, 2 fumble recoveries and 0 points allowed. If the Cowboys look like they did in Buffalo last week when they take the field late Sunday afternoon at Hard Rock Stadium, the 'Fins could be in line for another monster performance.

Honorable Mentions: Raiders, Saints, Browns

LVP: Cowboys

There's been plenty of talk above about how shitty the Cowboys offense was against the Bills and while they were definitely the weakest unit to take the field, the defense also did their share of sucking. Dan Quinn's group surrendered 31 points, mustered just 1 sack and forced 0 takeaways as the Bills absolutely manhandled them in the run game for 4 straight quarters. A date with the Dolphins in Week 16 could turn similarly ugly if they come out of the gates playing uninspired football again. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Broncos, Jets, Eagles

Monday, December 18, 2023

Top 10 Live Performances of 2023

Concerts Attended in 2023:

2/22: Norma Jean/Fire from the Gods/Greyhaven, The Middle East Downstairs, Cambridge, MA

5/28: Boston Calling Day 3 (Paramore/King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard/Queens of the Stone Age/Maren Morris/Genesis Owusu/070 Shake), Harvard Athletic Complex, Allston, MA

6/7: Drain/Drug Church/Magnitude/Buried Dreams/Gel/Combust, The Middle East Downstairs, Cambridge, MA

8/20: Gojira/Mastodon/Lorna Shore, MGM Music Hall at Fenway, Boston, MA

9/20: Death Grips, MGM Music Hall at Fenway, Boston, MA

10/5: Yves Tumor/Crack Cloud/Izzy Sparks/Thoom, Roadrunner, Brighton, MA

11/15: Protest the Hero/Moon Tooth/The Callous Daoboys, The Middle East Downstairs, Cambridge, MA

11/17: Botch/Converge/Cave In, Roadrunner, Brighton, MA

11/28: Baroness/Dropdead/Imperial Triumphant, Royale, Boston, MA

Honorable Mentions: Queens of the Stone Age, Greyhaven, Lorna Shore, Moon Tooth, Drug Church

10.Botch:

Rising from an unmarked grave somewhere in the greater Tacoma area, metal/math core pioneers Botch mounted one of the more unlikely reunion tours in recent memory this year and it was far from just a quick cash grab for its almost AARP-eligible members. While they might get more winded from performing now than they did 20+ years ago when they last toured, they still play with the same level of ferocity and tenacity that made them the godfathers of one of the most distinctly chaotic corners of the entire extreme metal pyramid. It was an honor to see a band that has influenced so many of my favorite acts perform and may they hang it up again soon before they risk losing their signature fire.    

9.Genesis Owusu:

As dynamic as his music is on record, the full scope of Genesis Owusu's sound doesn't really come into focus until you see him live. He has this natural charisma, enthusiasm and freeness as a performer that makes his constant experimentation feel so effortless that you'd think it was spontaneous if there wasn't recorded proof that it's not. Hopefully his unique blend of funk, punk, R&B, soul and hip hop will catch on with the masses at some point and launch him to the superstar status he deserves.    

8.Norma Jean:

It took me a mighty long time to grow to appreciate Norma Jean and even longer to finally see them headline a show. The wait was well worth it. With a 90-minute, career-spanning rager of a set, Cory Brendan and co. demonstrated why they've been able to remain one of the most consistent bands on the planet for the past 25 years despite a plethora of lineup changes and paradigm shifts within the -core scene. They pour everything they have onto the stage every night, blend heaviness with melody as well as anyone and perhaps most importantly, have so many face-melting riffs and punchy breakdowns in their songs that it's almost silly. Seeing them in a 575-capacity club was just the cherry on top of this magical evening of metal excellence.    

7.Converge:

No disrespect to Botch or Cave In, but Converge stole the show at this gathering of metal titans that rose to prominence in the late 90's/early 00's. They basically ripped through their own headlining set by playing for 70 minutes as the direct support act and per usual, managed to eviscerate the room with their raw emotion, technical prowess and Kurt Ballou's colossal guitar tone.

6.Gojira:

It had been nine whole years since I'd last seen Gojira and that long hiatus from seeing them paired with my relative indifference towards their recent output led me to completely forget just how much of a force they are live. The mammoth collection of riffs, blast beats and gruff vocals they churned out over their 80 minutes on stage was incredible to behold and left me feeling like a complete bozo for expecting them to be unable to match the greatness of the bands they shared the stage with.  

5.Baroness:

I haven't really enjoyed a Baroness record that's been released since I graduated high school 13 and a half years ago, but they impressed so much when I saw them open for Lamb of God and Killswitch Engage in September 2022 that I decided I needed to see them headline next time they came to Boston. That next time ended up being a few weeks ago and to put it mildly, they delivered. Even songs that I don't particularly enjoy like "Cocanium" and "Anodyne" sounded absolutely immense courtesy of John Baizley's soaring vocals and the hypnotic harmonies and melodies laid down by guitarist Gina Gleason, bassist Nick Jost and drummer Sebastian Thomson. Now that I've seen them twice, I can say with total confidence that I feel that they are an elite live act that I'll happily see whenever I get the chance.      

4.Protest the Hero:

A nearly-decade long drought for me seeing Protest the Hero live came to a close last month in triumphant fashion as the band sounded incredible and vocalist Rody Walker delivered plenty of hilarious banter between songs. Fingers crossed it won't take me another 10 years to see them again.

3.The Callous Daoboys:

Coming out and stealing the show with a 30-minute opening set is a difficult thing to do, but boy oh boy did The Callous Daoboys manage to pull it off. Their ability to combine pure eccentricity, frenetic energy and top-notch musicianship into a uniquely thrilling package that made their 30 minutes on stage feel like 5 simply because it was so much fucking fun to watch. Getting the chance to see them in a venue with no barrier-which allowed for plenty of stage-diving, crowd surfing and other similar devil music show shenanigans-made this inaugural experience of seeing them live that much sweeter.    

2.Death Grips:

Following the infamous no-show tour they mounted in 2012/13, I thought there was a 0% chance that I'd ever see Death Grips live. 10+ years later, the seemingly impossible actually happened and it was a surreal, incredible experience. There were no openers. Their set started almost 3 hours after the doors opened. The stage was lit like a fucking haunted house. They played about 80% of my favorite material from their catalog. Nearly every song that was driven by synthesizers was expertly reworked with live guitars. Zach Hill smashed the hell out of the drums. MC Ride's rage-fueled rapping/singing was crisp and he never acknowledged the crowd outside of occasionally holding the mic out for people to sing along. And after about 75 nearly uninterrupted minutes of performing, they quietly walked off the stage without saying shit. In other words, it was the perfect Death Grips live experience.  

1.King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 

Many of my favorite concert experiences involve performances that are so transcendent that they made me feel like I was having a full-blown out-of-body experience while watching it. King Gizzard is not only joining this esteemed list, they're going straight to the tippy top-tier. The endearing bizzaro psychedelic magic of their music hits such a critical level in a live setting that it felt like I was floating in some kind of parallel universe where there's LSD in the water, every song is an exhilarating 32-minute magnum opus and nobody's spirit is trapped with the limiting confines of their own mind or body. It was mind-blowing in the purest sense of the word and quite frankly, it might've been too good of a performance since their studio stuff doesn't hit quite the same now that I've experienced them in their finest form on a stage.     

Thursday, December 14, 2023

Programming Update

2023 is down to its final days, which around these parts means its time for me to really focus on the year-end list creation process. As a result, they'll be less activity on here from now through the 2nd week of January when the lists are posted. What you can expect to see here over the next few weeks are the typical weekly columns, my picks for the 10 best live performances of the year and perhaps a review or two if time permits. Have a happy holiday season and thank you for reading my stuff all year long.

Chris Maitland      

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

2023 NFL Power Rankings: Week 15

 ()=Previous Ranking

1.(1) San Francisco 49ers (10-3) Week 15 opponent: Arizona Cardinals

2.(4) Dallas Cowboys (10-3) Week 15 opponent: Buffalo Bills 

3.(5) Baltimore Ravens (10-3) Week 15 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars 

4.(2) Miami Dolphins (9-4) Week 15 opponent: New York Jets

5.(3) Philadelphia Eagles (10-3) Week 15 opponent: Seattle Seahawks 

6.(14) Buffalo Bills (7-6) Week 15 opponent: Dallas Cowboys 

7.(6) Kansas City Chiefs (8-5) Week 15 opponent: New England Patriots

8.(7) Detroit Lions (9-4) Week 15 opponent: Denver Broncos

9.(11) Denver Broncos (7-6) Week 15 opponent: Detroit Lions

10.(19) Cleveland Browns (7-6) Week 15 opponent: Chicago Bears

11.(9) Jacksonville Jaguars (8-5) Week 15 opponent: Baltimore Ravens

12.(17) Cincinnati Bengals (7-6) Week 15 opponent: Minnesota Vikings

13.(8) Houston Texans (7-6) Week 15 opponent: Tennessee Titans 

14.(10) Green Bay Packers (6-7) Week 15 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

15.(13) Los Angeles Rams (6-7) Week 15 opponent: Washington Commanders

16.(12) Indianapolis Colts (7-6) Week 15 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers

17.(16) Minnesota Vikings (7-6) Week 15 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

18.(15) Seattle Seahawks (6-7) Week 15 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles

19.(18) Pittsburgh Steelers (7-6) Week 15 opponent: Indianapolis Colts

20.(24) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-7) Week 15 opponent: Green Bay Packers

21.(20) Atlanta Falcons (6-7) Week 15 opponent: Carolina Panthers

22.(22) New Orleans Saints (6-7) Week 15 opponent: New York Giants

23.(25) Chicago Bears (5-8) Week 15 opponent: Cleveland Browns

24.(27) New York Giants (5-8) Week 15 opponent: New Orleans Saints

25.(29) Tennessee Titans (4-9) Week 15 opponent: Houston Texans

26.(30) New York Jets (5-8) Week 15 opponent: Miami Dolphins

27.(21) Los Angeles Chargers (5-8) Week 15 opponent: Las Vegas Raiders

28.(23) Las Vegas Raiders (5-8) Week 15 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers

29.(26) Washington Commanders (4-9) Week 15 opponent: Los Angeles Rams

30.(28) Arizona Cardinals (3-10) Week 15 opponent: San Francisco 49ers

31.(31) New England Patriots (3-10) Week 15 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs 

32.(32) Carolina Panthers (1-12) Week 15 opponent: Atlanta Falcons

Tuesday, December 12, 2023

Week 14 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers: 2023 Edition

Quarterback

MVP: Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

While the raw numbers make Jackson's performance against the Rams look far more dominant than it actually was, context doesn't matter in fantasy football and his owners had to be thrilled that he delivered one of his best lines of the year (316 YDS/3 TD's/INT/11 CAR/70 YDS/1 2-PT CNV) in this huge late season spot. Jackson has another tantalizing matchup in Week 15 against a Jaguars secondary that has surrendered 295+ passing YDS in 4 of their last 5 games.  

Honorable Mentions: Justin Fields (Bears), Matthew Stafford (Rams), Brock Purdy (49ers)

LVP: Jalen Hurts (Eagles)

It was an ugly all-around performance for the Eagles on Sunday night against the Cowboys and Hurts wasn't immune from their collective failure, tossing a pedestrian 197 YDS and rushing for only 30 while also losing a key redzone fumble early in the game and failing to score a TD for the 1st time all season. The good news for Hurts and co. is that they're playing a Seahawks team this week that has gotten absolutely lit up by the Cowboys and 49ers offense over the past 3 weeks.

Dishonorable Mentions: Tua Tagovailoa (Dolphins), Jared Goff (Lions), Jordan Love (Packers)

Running Back

MVP: Ezekiel Elliott (Patriots) 

Injuries to Rhamondre Stevenson, Demario Douglas and DeVante Parker forced Elliott to handle the brunt of the Patriots offensive load versus the Steelers last Thursday night and he delivered big time. Zeke put together the kind of dual-threat explosion that we haven't seen a whole lot of from him of late, compiling 29 touches (22 carries, 7 receptions), 140 scrimmage YDS and a TD grab as the Pats pulled off an upset victory that no one in their fanbase expected (or quite frankly, wanted given their desire to tank for draft position during this lost season). Elliott appears set to remain the Patriots top offensive option for this week's contest with the Chiefs, so keep firing him up in your lineups.  

Honorable Mentions: Breece Hall (Jets), James Cook (Bills), Raheem Mostert (Dolphins)

LVP: D'Andre Swift (Eagles) 

Negative gamescript clipped Swift's wings before he got a chance to fly on Sunday against the Cowboys, which led to a very underwhelming 11 carry/39 YD-performance that likely flipped a lot of outcomes in this week where most starting RB's put up at least solid numbers. Swift will look to return to his reliable RB2 status versus the Seahawks awful run D in Week 15.

Dishonorable Mentions: Najee Harris (Steelers), Jaylen Warren (Steelers), Gus Edwards (Ravens)

Wide Receiver

MVP: Deebo Samuel (49ers) 

CMC, Brandon Aiyuk and George Kittle all had their moments to shine in the 49ers decisive Week 14 victory over the Seahawks, but Samuel ultimately emerged as the top star-hauling in 7 passes for 149 YDS and a score and topping the day off with a 1-YD rushing score. Samuel will look to extend his streak of multi-TD games to 3 against the Cardinals on Sunday afternoon. 

Honorable Mentions: D.J. Moore (Bears), Drake London (Falcons), DeAndre Hopkins (Titans)

LVP: Mike Evans (Buccaneers)

Water found its level this week as Evans didn't find a way to have another monster day amidst Baker Mayfield's struggles, catching just 1-of-6 targets for 8 YDS in a game versus the Falcons that the Bucs were somehow able to win. Evans is in a potentially rough spot in Week 15 as the Bucs have to travel to the frozen hell of Green Bay to take on a Packers squad that has defended the pass pretty well this season, so he might be worth considering benching this week if you have a better WR/RB option to start in his place. 

Dishonorable Mentions:  Amon-Ra St. Brown (Lions), Stefon Diggs (Bills), Ja'Marr Chase (Bengals)

Tight End

MVP: Evan Engram (Jaguars)

Engram was the visibly-hobbled Trevor Lawrence's favorite target by a mile against the Browns this past week as he caught an absurd 11-of-12 targets for 95 YDS and 2 TD's. As long as Lawrence's ankle remains a problem , Engram should be an elite fantasy TE that challenges for this very title every single week. 

Honorable Mentions: David Njoku (Browns), Isaiah Likely (Ravens), George Kittle (49ers)

LVP: Sam LaPorta (Lions)

For 2023 at least, the Bears have proven to be the LaPorta killers. The budding star rookie TE managed just 2 catches for 23 YDS and a 4-YD rush against Matt Eberflus' group in a demoralizing blowout road loss for the 9-4 Lions. LaPorta will likely return to his reliable self this week against a Broncos defense that has continued to get torched by TE's even as they've gotten much better on the whole over the past 7 or 8 games.

Dishonorable Mentions: Dalton Kincaid (Bills), Dallas Goedert (Eagles), Pat Friermuth (Steelers)

Defense/Special Teams

MVP: Saints

Naturally, the Saints D's return to fantasy relevancy after a month-or-so hiatus was made possible by the 1-win Panthers and their painfully inept offense. Carolina surrendered 4 sacks and lost 2 fumbles (1 of which was returned for a TD) as they got smacked around yet again in a 28-6 loss. The Saints D/ST will be an appealing but undeniably risky play when they host the Giants in Week 15. 

Honorable Mentions: Browns, Jets, Dolphins

LVP: Steelers

Part of the fun of playing the Steelers defense is never knowing when they're going to shit the bed. A Thursday Night Contest against the Bailey Zappe-led Patriots seemed like one of the least likely spots for it to occur, so of course it did. They picked up a couple of sacks and an INT late to salvage their line a bit, but the damage was already done as they allowed 21 points to a group that had scored just 13 combined in their previous 3 games and only cleared 17 twice all season coming into this meeting. They'll get a chance to restore honor to their name on Saturday against the trick-or-treat Colts offense that is coming off a horrid outing against the Bengals.

Dishonorable Mentions: Packers, Texans, Lions

Monday, December 11, 2023

Jeffrey Wright Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly column where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Jeffrey Wright-whose latest project "American Fiction" releases in NYC/LA theaters Thursday and begins its nationwide expansion on December 21st.

Jeffrey Wright's Filmography Ranked:

19.Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (D+)

18.Broken City (C-)

17.Asteroid City (C-)

16.Lady in the Water (C+)

15.Casino Royale (C+)

14.Rustin (B-)

13.Quantum of Solace (B-)

12.The French Dispatch (B-)

11.Cadillac Records (B)

10.Shaft (B)

9.The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 (B)

8.The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 (B)

7.Hold the Dark (B)

6.The Ides of March (B)

5.No Time to Die (B+)

4.Source Code (A)

3.The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (A)

2.Game Night (A)

1.The Batman (A+)

Top Dog: The Batman (2022)

Melancholic, full of vivid world-building and brilliantly written, directed, shot and acted, The Batman is a stone cold masterpiece that raises the bar for all future superhero adaptations. The next installment-which is set to begin shooting early next year-can not arrive soon enough.   

Bottom Feeder: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (2011)

They really don't make a whole lot of manipulative tearjerker Oscar bait trash like this anymore!!! As much as this movie made me cringe with the way it uses 9/11 to serve its completely absurd fictional story, it ultimately worked as the film was nominated for Best Picture, so kudos to the makers of this film for pulling off a successful hustle. 

Most Underrated: Source Code (2011)

Are there more "complex" and "thought-provoking" original sci-fi films out there than Source Code? Sure, but there aren't many that can match it in the entertainment value department as Duncan Jones packs a whole lot of suspense, twists and fun into its relentlessly propulsive 93-minute runtime. Bonus points go to Jake Gyllenhaal, Vera Farmiga and Wright for turning in excellent performances in a movie that really didn't need great acting to succeed.   

Most Overrated: Casino Royale (2006) 

Daniel Craig is right up there with Sean Connery as my pick for the best James Bond and there are multiple entries that he led that I believe are elite entries in this franchise. However, I also think his first go-round as Bond is wildly overrated. Nearly everything in Casino Royale from the torture scene to Mads Mikkelsen's performance as the villain were overhyped to oblivion and the whole idea of the climax of a Bond movie being a fucking card game continues to bother me after all these years.  

Friday, December 8, 2023

Shea Whigham Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Shea Whigham-whose latest project "Eileen" is in theaters now.

Shea Whigham's Filmography Ranked:

29.Joker (D-)

28.Cop Car (D-)

27.Beirut (D+)

26.Man of the House (C-)

25.Pride and Glory (C)

24.Lords of Dogtown (C)

23.First Man (B-)

22.Star Trek Beyond (B-)

21.Vampires vs. the Bronx (B)

20.The Gray Man (B)

19.Savages (B)

18.Fast and Furious (B)

17.The Lincoln Lawyer (B)

16.F9 (B+)

15.Sicario: Day of the Soldado (B+)

14.Small Engine Repair (B+)

13.Wheelman (B+)

12.Non-Stop (B+)

11.Fast and Furious 6 (B+)

10.Bad Times at the El Royale (B+)

9.Vice (B+)

8.Kong: Skull Island (B+)

7.Take Shelter (B+)

6.The Wolf of Wall Street (B+)

5.Mission-Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One (B+)

4.Machete (A-)

3.Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (A-)

2.American Hustle (A)

1.Silver Linings Playbook (A)

Top Dog: Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

The film that earned Jennifer Lawrence an Oscar, finally got people to take Bradley Cooper seriously as an actor and allowed Robert De Niro to turn in his first great performance in over a decade remains a special project. Through its strong characterization and open-hearted writing, it's able to gracefully blend some pretty heavy drama and light romantic comedy to become a uniquely warm crowdpleaser.    

Bottom Feeder: Joker (2019)

Todd Phillips proved he has no business being in the world of dramatic filmmaking with this pathetic character study that is so desperate to be provocative, shocking and profound that it quickly becomes completely fucking insufferable to sit through.   

Most Underrated: Wheelman (2017)

This offering from the undiscovered abyss of Netflix's original film library is a terrific little contained thriller about an unnamed getaway driver (Frank Grillo) who is forced to figure out who set him up to die after a botched bank robbery. Grillo is in top form as the grizzled veteran driver who finally gets burned after decades on the job and at just 82 minutes, writer/director Jeremy Rush is able to keep the tension high throughout by keeping the action moving at a rapid clip and knowing exactly when to wrap things up.

Most Overrated: Joker (2019)

This isn't just my pick for the most overrated movie that Whigham has appeared in, I believe Joker is at the bare minimum the single most overrated movie to be released from 2019-present day. The embrace of this film by the general public is one thing as it's an "edgy" R-rated movie about the origins of the most iconic villain in the Batman universe, but the love it got from awards shows and the Venice Film Festival-where it won the prestigious Golden Lion- in a cinematic year that was as stacked as 2019 was will continue to deeply baffle me for as long as my brain remains functional. 

Best Movies I Forgot Whigham Was In: Machete (2010), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), Non-Stop (2014), Bad Times at the El Royale (2018), Vice (2018)

Whigham is one of the busiest character actors working in Hollywood today. The downside to him being in so many things is that his roles tend to be very small and I'll be completely honest, I didn't really know who he was until Perry Mason hit HBO's airwaves in the summer of 2020. As a result, there are a bunch of movies that I completely forgot he was in until I was putting together this very piece, so I figured it was only fitting that I acknowledged my favorites from that group. I'm sure I won't forget he was in them whenever I get around to re-watching them.  

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

2023 NFL Power Rankings: Week 14

 ()=Previous Ranking

1.(2) San Francisco 49ers (9-3) Week 14 opponent: Seattle Seahawks 

2.(4) Miami Dolphins (9-3) Week 14 opponent: Tennessee Titans 

3.(1) Philadelphia Eagles (10-2) Week 14 opponent: Dallas Cowboys 

4.(6) Dallas Cowboys (9-3) Week 14 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles

5.(5) Baltimore Ravens (9-3) Week 14 opponent: Los Angeles Rams

6.(3) Kansas City Chiefs (8-4) Week 14 opponent: Buffalo Bills

7.(7) Detroit Lions (9-3) Week 14 opponent: Chicago Bears

8.(10) Houston Texans (7-5) Week 14 opponent: New York Jets

9.(8) Jacksonville Jaguars (8-4) Week 14 opponent: Cleveland Browns

10.(17) Green Bay Packers (6-6) Week 14 opponent: New York Giants

11.(9) Denver Broncos (6-6) Week 14 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers

12.(15) Indianapolis Colts (7-5) Week 14 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

13.(18) Los Angeles Rams (6-6) Week 14 opponent: Baltimore Ravens

14.(14) Buffalo Bills (6-6) Week 14 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs

15.(13) Seattle Seahawks (6-6) Week 14 opponent: San Francisco 49ers

16.(16) Minnesota Vikings (6-6) Week 14 opponent: Las Vegas Raiders

17.(22) Cincinnati Bengals (6-6) Week 14 opponent: Indianapolis Colts

18.(12) Pittsburgh Steelers (7-5) Week 14 opponent: New England Patriots 

19.(11) Cleveland Browns (7-5) Week 14 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars

20.(19) Atlanta Falcons (6-6) Week 14 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

21.(21) Los Angeles Chargers (5-7) Week 14 opponent: Denver Broncos

22.(20) New Orleans Saints (5-7) Week 14 opponent: Carolina Panthers

23.(23) Las Vegas Raiders (5-7) Week 14 opponent: Minnesota Vikings

24.(24) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-7) Week 14 opponent: Atlanta Falcons

25.(25) Chicago Bears (4-8) Week 14 opponent: Detroit Lions

26.(26) Washington Commanders (4-9) Week 14 opponent: Bye

27.(27) New York Giants (4-8) Week 14 opponent: Green Bay Packers

28.(31) Arizona Cardinals (3-10) Week 14 opponent: Bye

29.(28) Tennessee Titans (3-9) Week 14 opponent: Miami Dolphins

30.(29) New York Jets (4-8) Week 14 opponent: Houston Texans

31.(30) New England Patriots (2-10) Week 14 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers

32.(32) Carolina Panthers (1-11) Week 14 opponent: New Orleans Saints

Tuesday, December 5, 2023

Week 13 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers: 2023 Edition

Quarterback

MVP: Brock Purdy (49ers) 

It's been up-and-down for anybody that's committed to Purdy as their QB1, but the people that stuck with him through his horrendous October were majorly rewarded on Sunday as he overcame a quiet 1st quarter to absolutely shred the Eagles secondary (314 YDS, 4 TD's) in a stunning blowout road win for the 49ers. Purdy will face the Seahawks for the 2nd time in 3 weeks in Week 14.

Honorable Mentions: Dak Prescott (Cowboys), Geno Smith (Seahawks), Trevor Lawrence (Jaguars)

LVP: Justin Herbert (Chargers)

Rainy conditions and another string of heinous drops by his receivers prevented Herbert from doing much of anything on Sunday against the Patriots as he finished the game with 212 passing YDS, 0 TD's 0 turnovers and -5 rushing YDS on 4 carries. Herbert will hope to regroup and return to the endzone in this week's divisional showdown against the Broncos.

Dishonorable Mentions: Patrick Mahomes (Chiefs), Kyler Murray (Cardinals), Baker Mayfield (Buccaneers)

Running Back

MVP: Joe Mixon (Bengals)

Jake Browning's remarkable performance against the Jaguars last night might've stolen all the real-life headlines, but in the fantasy realm it was all about Mixon. The Bengals back got a whole lot of work in this OT thriller and made the most out of it, turning his 25 touches (19 carries, 6 receptions) into 117 scrimmage YDS and 2 rushing TD's. Mixon-whose quietly been a steady RB1 since the Bengals came off their bye in Week 8-has a huge plus matchup against the Colts soft run defense in Week 14.  

Honorable Mentions: Alvin Kamara (Saints), Derrick Henry (Titans), De'Von Achane (Dolphins)

LVP: Austin Ekeler (Chargers)

Ekeler predictably got stuffed by the Patriots quietly excellent run D (18 YDS on 14 carries), but his lack of involvement in the passing game (2 REC/9 YDS) is just puzzling considering how much the Pats have struggled to contain pass-catching RB's at times this year and it led to a crippling dud of a performance in all formats. A date with a Broncos D that has been horrible at containing RB's for most of the season couldn't be arriving at a better time for Ekeler-whose turned in 3 straight underwhelming showings. 

Dishonorable Mentions: D'Andre Swift (Eagles), Jahmyr Gibbs (Lions), Jaylen Warren (Steelers) 

Wide Receiver 

MVP: DK Metcalf (Seahawks)

DaRon Bland has to be thrilled that he probably won't seeing Metcalf again this season. The Seahawks star receiver flat-out embarrassed the Cowboys 2nd year CB as he turned in one of the best games of his career (6 REC/134 YDS/3 TD's). Next up for Metcalf is a chance at redeeming himself against the 49ers tough secondary after he managed just 3 catches for 32 YDS against them in Week 12.   

Honorable Mentions: Deebo Samuel (49ers), Tyreek Hill (Dolphins), Nico Collins (Texans)

LVP: Terry McLaurin (Commanders)

For only the 2nd time in his pro career, McLaurin was held without a catch. Shockingly, the Commanders WR1 managed only 3 targets on a day where Sam Howell threw for only 127 YDS against a feisty Dolphins defense that fully committed to disrupting their aerial attack. McLaurin gets the chance to regroup this week as the Commanders finally get their bye and will face the Rams in Week 15. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Drake London (Falcons), Calvin Ridley (Jaguars), Tee Higgins (Bengals)

Tight End

MVP: Sam LaPorta (Lions)

LaPorta put together the best performance of his young career so far by exploding for 140 YDS and a TD on 9 receptions against the Saints on Sunday afternoon. The rookie will continue his quest towards the record books for his position this week against a Bears team that held him in check (3 REC/18 YDS in their earlier meeting this season. 

Honorable Mentions: Trey McBride (Cardinals), Evan Engram (Jaguars), Jake Ferguson (Cowboys)

LVP: Cade Otton (Buccaneers)

Otton's hot streak (by 2023 TE standards at least) of 2 straight games with 4 REC's and 45+ YDS came to a brutal end as he didn't receive a single target against the Panthers. To be fair to Otton, receivers not named Mike Evans accounted for 7 REC's and 40 YDS as Baker Mayfield only completed 14 passes against the 4th ranked pass D in the league. Otton should be more involved in Week 14 when they square off against the Falcons.

Dishonorable Mentions: David Njoku (Browns), Logan Thomas (Commanders), Pat Friermuth (Steelers)

Defense/Special Teams

MVP: Chargers

No, this isn't a misprint or a bit. Brandon Staley's Chargers-who are ranked near the bottom of the league in nearly every defensive metric of consequence-put together a brilliant performance on Sunday as they picked up 5 sacks and a fumble recovery in a 6-0 victory over the Patriots. Despite the Broncos' offense's struggles with turnovers and sacks allowed, giving the Chargers D/ST an encore performance in your starting lineup in Week 14 would be an ill-advised move that could yield disastrous results. 

Honorable Mentions: Falcons, Dolphins, Jets

LVP: Cowboys 

Man oh man did the Cowboys vaunted D get more than bargained for when they faced an allegedly struggling Seahawks offense last Thursday night. Outside of a lone sack and INT late in the game, Dan Quinn's group got lit up as the 'Hawks hung 35 points on them and probably would've won the game if their own defense could've come up with just 1 stop in the 4th quarter. The 'Boys have another rough task ahead of them this week as they square off against an explosive Eagles offense that had success against them back in Week 9. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Browns, Eagles, Steelers 

Monday, December 4, 2023

Movie Review: Silent Night

Any lingering excitement I had about John Woo's return to English-language cinema after a 20-year hiatus died by the halfway mark of Silent Night. The Hong Kong action titan basically came back to the US to make an inferior, (nearly) dialogue-free riff on the not-exactly-great 2018 Pierre Morel/Jennifer Garner feature Peppermint. That's like if Tom Brady came out of retirement this spring to play in the XFL, only to go 5-7 and fail to make the playoffs.

Expecting Woo to return to the scene with the next Hard Boiled, The Killer or even Face/Off would've been extremely unfair. Expecting something that demonstrates anything above the base level of  competency for a theatrical action movie however would be totally reasonable and Silent Night simply does not do that. 

Over the past five years or so, you'd be hard-pressed to find something in this genre that is more comfortable with just coasting along than Silent Night. It absolutely looks the part of an R-rated shoot'em up extravaganza as bullets fly, cars crash and bodies explode on screen. All of these things just happen to be delivered with so little panache or urgency that they land with zero weight whatsoever. Some signs of life show up at the 11th hour in the form of a solid final action setpiece that is primarily driven by an extended winding stairwell shootout, but it's far too little, far too late to save this film from avoiding its aggressively mediocre fate. 

What's most disheartening about Silent Night is that all the roads responsible for its failure lead back to Woo. Joel Kinnaman gives a committed lead performance as a revenge-seeking father left mute by a bullet wound that's out to avenge the death of his son a year after he was murdered by a stray bullet from a drive-by shooting, the sound mixing does a great job of accentuating the sounds of its environment to compensate for the lack of speaking without overdoing it to the point where it becomes distractingly loud or chaotic and while undeniably generic, Robert Archer Lynn's script has the bones for a solid meat-and-potatoes action flick if it were made with style and urgency. But alas their efforts to deliver a commendable genre effort are stomped out by a legend who has either lost his directorial  instincts or whose heart simply isn't in it anymore now that he's hit his late 70's. How Woo's next project-an English-language remake of his aforementioned 1989 classic The Killer starring Omar Sy and Nathalie Emmanuel-turns out will reveal more about where he truly is at this stage of his career, but Silent Night makes a pretty convincing argument that he should've remained retired.           

Grade: C

Thursday, November 30, 2023

Ed Helms Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Ed Helms-whose latest project "Family Switch" is out now on Netflix. 

Ed Helms' Filmography Ranked:

24.Monsters vs. Aliens (C-)

23.Evan Almighty (C-)

22.Jeff, Who Lives at Home (C-)

21.Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story (C)

20.The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (C)

19.Meet Dave (C)

18.Semi-Pro (C)

17.They Came Together (C)

16.The Hangover Part III (C+)

15.The Hangover Part II (C+)

14.Father Figures (B-)

13.Vacation (B-)

12.Coffee & Kareem (B)

11.A Futile and Stupid Gesture (B)

10.Ron's Gone Wrong (B)

9.Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay (B)

8.Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (B)

7.Cedar Rapids (B)

6.Together Together (B) 

5.Chappaquiddick (B+)

4.Tag (B+)

3.The Hangover (A-)

2.We're the Millers (A-)

1.Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (A-)

Top Dog: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)

A clever, consistently hilarious spoof of music biopics led by what just might be the best comedic performance of John C. Riley's career, Walk Hard is a true gem that has aged significantly better than most of the comedies from its era. 

Bottom Feeder: Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)

While Dreamworks Animation has churned out some titles that are of a considerably worse quality, Monsters vs. Aliens is the most forgettable one from their catalog that I've seen. To be honest, the only thing I remember about at it all is that Seth Rogen voiced a one-eyed blue blob creature named B.O.B. Not a great sign for a family cartoon that has the relatively novel concept of monsters being tasked with defending the Earth from an alien invasion.   

Most Underrated: Tag (2018)

Bring back goofy ensemble buddy comedies! Tag isn't a classic or even the best R-rated comedy released in 2018, but it's a highly enjoyable watch that's full of energy, heart and funny performances galore from the likes of Jeremy Renner, Jake Johnson, Isla Fisher and a scene-stealing Hannibal Burress in one of his all-too-rare acting roles. 

Most Overrated: Jeff, Who Lives at Home (2012)

Jeff, Who Lives at Home attempts to marry quirky comedy with grounded family drama and it just never quite comes together-leading to a pretty uneven, tonally-confused final product.

Wednesday, November 29, 2023

2023 NFL Power Rankings: Week 13

()=Previous Ranking

1.(1) Philadelphia Eagles (10-1) Week 13 opponent: San Francisco 49ers

2.(6) San Francisco 49ers (8-3) Week 13 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles

3.(3) Kansas City Chiefs (8-3) Week 13 opponent: Green Bay Packers

4.(4) Miami Dolphins (8-3) Week 13 opponent: Washington Commanders

5.(5) Baltimore Ravens (9-3) Week 13 opponent: Bye

6.(7) Dallas Cowboys (8-3) Week 13 opponent: Seattle Seahawks 

7.(2) Detroit Lions (8-3) Week 13 opponent: New Orleans Saints

8.(9) Jacksonville Jaguars (8-3) Week 13 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

9.(13) Denver Broncos (6-5) Week 13 opponent: Houston Texans

10.(10) Houston Texans (6-5) Week 13 opponent: Denver Broncos

11.(8) Cleveland Browns (7-4) Week 13 opponent: Los Angeles Rams

12.(15) Pittsburgh Steelers (7-4) Week 13 opponent: Arizona Cardinals

13.(11) Seattle Seahawks (6-5) Week 13 opponent: Dallas Cowboys

14.(12) Buffalo Bills (6-6) Week 13 opponent: Bye

15.(17) Indianapolis Colts (6-5) Week 13 opponent: Tennessee Titans

16.(14) Minnesota Vikings (6-6) Week 13 opponent: Bye

17.(24) Green Bay Packers (5-6) Week 13 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs

18.(20) Los Angeles Rams (5-6) Week 13 opponent: Cleveland Browns

19.(23) Atlanta Falcons (5-6) Week 13 opponent: New York Jets

20.(16) New Orleans Saints (5-6) Week 13 opponent: Detroit Lions

21.(19) Los Angeles Chargers (4-7) Week 13 opponent: New England Patriots

22.(18) Cincinnati Bengals (5-6) Week 13 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars

23.(21) Las Vegas Raiders (5-7) Week 13 opponent: Bye

24.(22) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-7) Week 13 opponent: Carolina Panthers

25.(28) Chicago Bears (4-8) Week 13 opponent: Bye

26.(25) Washington Commanders (4-8) Week 13 opponent: Miami Dolphins

27.(29) New York Giants (4-8) Week 13 opponent: Bye

28.(26) Tennessee Titans (3-8) Week 13 opponent: Indianapolis Colts

29.(27) New York Jets (4-7) Week 13 opponent: Atlanta Falcons

30.(30) New England Patriots (2-9) Week 13 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers

31.(31) Arizona Cardinals (2-10) Week 13 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers

32.(32) Carolina Panthers (1-10) Week 13 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Week 12 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers: 2023 Edition

Quarterback

MVP: Josh Allen (Bills)

The Bills might not have won the OT thriller against the Eagles on Sunday but Allen did at least win the day in fantasy. Allen put together the type of dual-threat performance that has made him an elite QB1 option in recent years-throwing for 339 YDS, 2 TD's and an INT and rushing for 81 YDS and 2 TD's on only 9 carries. There's been the usual peak and valleys with Allen in 2023, but he's remained a great fantasy option despite the Bills real world struggles thus far. A date with his sworn enemies in Kansas City await him once he returns from bye in Week 14.

Honorable Mentions: Jalen Hurts (Eagles), Dak Prescott (Cowboys), C.J. Stroud (Texans) 

LVP: Tua Tagovailoa (Dolphins)

The Jets clowncar and strong performances from Jaylen Waddle, Tyreek Hill and Raheem Mostert have covered up just how loose Tua was with the football in that game. He coughed the ball up 3 times (1 lost fumble, 2 INT's-1 of which was returned for a TD) and tanked an otherwise serviceable line (243 YDS, 1 TD) in the latest laugher of a "marquee game" to get broadcast on Amazon's airwaves. Tua has a great shot to move over to the category above this in Week 13 when he goes up against the Commanders abysmal secondary.  

Dishonorable Mentions: Justin Fields (Bears), Brock Purdy (49ers), Justin Herbert (Chargers)

Running Back

MVP: Kyren Williams (Rams)

Welcome back from IR, Mr. Williams! Your owners sorely missed your reliable RB1 production! After a slow-ish start where Royce Freeman was handling the bulk of the backfield work, Williams caught fire and didn't look back as he obliterated the Cardinals defense nearly every time he got the ball-finishing the day with 204 scrimmage YDS and 2 TD grabs on 22 touches (16 carries, 6 receptions). Williams should be in for much tougher sledding this week against the Browns stout defense.  

Honorable Mentions: Christian McCaffery (49ers), Bijan Robinson (Falcons), Isiah Pacheco (Chiefs)

LVP: Gus Edwards (Ravens)

A flop was inevitable for the TD-dependent Gus the Bus, I just don't think many people expected it to occur against the Chargers miserably bad defense. Edwards got outshined by both Keaton Mitchell and Justice Hill in the Ravens semi-unpredictable RB committee this week, putting up a pedestrian 37 YDS (26 rushing, 11 receiving) on just 9 touches. Edwards will remain on the RB2/3 borderline when the Ravens play the Rams in Week 14.   

Dishonorable Mentions: Saquon Barkley (Giants), James Conner (Cardinals), Jaylen Warren (Steelers)

Wide Receiver

MVP: Mike Evans (Buccaneers)

Evans did what he does best on Sunday versus the Colts: Find the endzone. The Bucs top wideout made a pair of visits to his favorite place on the football field and despite his best efforts to keep things close with his 6 REC/70 YD/2 TD performance, his team ultimately fell short of victory for the 6th time in the last 7 games. He'll be a risky WR2 play for this week's showdown with a tough Panthers secondary.

Honorable Mentions: Tyreek Hill (Dolphins), Zay Flowers (Ravens), DeVonta Smith (Eagles)

LVP: Cooper Kupp (Rams)

Kupp's return to the field from his latest injury wasn't a triumphant one. The star wideout only logged 3 catches for 18 YDS as Kyren Williams, Tutu Atwell, Royce Freeman and Tyler Higbee served as the top offensive contributors in their easy win over the Cardinals. Kupp faces a really tough draw this week against a Browns D that has allowed the 2nd least fantasy points to WR's in half-PPR leagues and the 3rd least in standard. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Puka Nacua (Rams), DK Metcalf (Seahawks), Tyler Lockett (Seahawks)

Tight End

MVP: Sam LaPorta (Lions)

LaPorta's 5 REC/47 YD/TD/2-PT CNV outing versus the Packers on Thanksgiving led the way in another quiet week for TE's. The reliable rookie pass-catcher has a date with the Saints in Week 13.   

Honorable Mentions: T.J. Hockenson (Vikings), Travis Kelce (Chiefs), Tyler Higbee (Rams)

LVP: Dalton Schultz (Texans)

Schultz's didn't get to partake in any of the fun of C.J. Stroud's latest 300+-YD outing against the Jaguars as he managed just 1 catch for 2 YDS on only 2 targets. His wildly erratic inaugural season in Houston has been infuriating for fantasy purposes but the weekly upside is too strong to take him out of the lineup for any team that doesn't have Kelce, Hockenson, Kittle or LaPorta on their roster. Schultz will face a Broncos defense that has allowed 6 TD's to TE's in 2023 this week. 

Dishonorable Mentions: George Kittle (49ers), Kyle Pitts (Falcons), Logan Thomas (Commanders)

Defense/Special Teams

MVP: Dolphins

Vic Fangio's group beating up on the Tim Boyle-led Jets offense was the layup of the week, but holy hell did they manage to a find a way to REALLY take advantage of this terrific matchup. They picked up 7 sacks, 2 picks (1 of which was returned for a TD by Jevon Holland on a hail mary attempt right before halftime that just might go down as the saddest pick 6 in NFL history) and allowed just 7 points as they cruised to victory in East Rutherford. They've got yet another great matchup lined up for Week 13 when they take on a Commanders group that has struggled with allowing sacks and turning the ball over all season long.

Honorable Mentions: Cowboys, Broncos, Ravens

LVP: Chiefs

After a rough start in which they allowed a pair of TD's to the Raiders, the Chiefs D rallied nicely and only surrendered 3 points for the rest of the game. However, they still failed to take advantage of this great matchup against a limited offense run by rookie Aidan O'Connell-picking up just 1 sack and failing to get any takeaways. They'll hope for a more productive outing when they take on the Packers this Sunday night.

Dishonorable Mentions: Bills, Lions, Browns

Monday, November 27, 2023

Quick Movie Reviews: Next Goal Wins, Thanksgiving, Saltburn, Napoleon

Next Goal Wins: For fans of sports comedies about underdog misfit teams that feature silly jokes, an emotional core that isn't necessarily coming from a sincere place and no surprises whatsoever, Next Goal Wins will most likely get the job done. Director/co-writer Taika Waititi is a good fit for this lightweight story about the historically awful American Samoan Men's National Team as they aim to turn things around for the 2014 World Cup Qualifiers by hiring embattled international soccer veteran Thomas Rongen (Michael Fassbender-who does pretty well playing a short-tempered, visibly disengaged drunk who slowly warms up to his new team) as their new head coach that allows him to showcase the warm, tight-knit community of American Samoa for the world while also getting the opportunity to stage a string of amusing situational comedy bits and effectively mock the white savior tropes that are often a part of the sports movie genre. The handling of key supporting character Jaiyah Saelua (Kaimana)-a defender on the team who is in the process of transitioning into a woman-is clumsy, if not full-blown insensitive at times and definitely won't sit well with some members of the trans community and their loved ones, but aside from that misstep, it's exactly the fun, funny and somewhat sweet little movie that Waititi wanted it to be.     

Grade: B

Thanksgiving: Son of a bitch, Eli Roth really pulled it off! Every ounce of the fake trailer's sadistic B-slasher spirit has been transferred into the feature adaptation/expansion that is full of memorable kills, gnarly practical gore and the brand of giddy dark humor that Roth has long flashed in his work but never gave the proper amount of attention to. As long as the sequels continued to be this depraved, hilarious and entertaining, I'd be all-in on Thanksgiving turning into the next slasher franchise.      

Grade: B+

Saltburn: Emerald Fennell could've made just about anything she wanted after winning the Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Promising Young Woman and she opted to make a piece of triumphant  camp excess in Saltburn. In other news, I'm pretty confident I've now become a lifetime fan of Emerald Fennell.

It takes a little bit for Saltburn's ridiculous web to be woven, but once it does, woo baby, does it become a blast. There isn't enough sex or violence on display for Saltburn to rival the God-tier gonzo goodness of 90's erotic thrillers like Wild Things and Basic Instinct, but it's the closest anything has come to replicating their brand of trashy, intoxicating campiness in the 21st Century. Every provocation, revelation and plot twist Fennell throws down pulls Saltburn deeper down into the gutter and it only becomes more appealing with each new deposit of stinky, silly shit. By the time the big final reveal comes around and the context of nearly every previous scene gets dramatically shifted, I couldn't stop chuckling at the beautifully warped beast that Fennell had created. All six of the lead performances (Barry Keoghan, Jacob Elordi, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant, Archie Madekwe, Allison Oliver) are perfectly in sync with Fennell's vision, the script is roaringly funny and Linus Sandgren's cinematography conveys the trashy opulent aesthetic of this movie so perfectly that I'm already starting to get upset that he won't win an Oscar. May Fennell be blessed with the opportunity to continue to run wild in Hollywood for years to come.                

Grade: B+

Napoleon: This latest spin of the always unpredictable Ridley Scott Wheel of Quality yields mixed results. The portrayal of Napoleon Bonaparte as a manbaby tyrant with a comically fragile ego is inspired, most of the battle sequences (the Austerlitz sequence is particularly awe-inspiring) are expertly staged and every scene between Napoleon (Joaquin Phoenix) and his longtime wife/#1 hater Josephine (Vanessa Kirby) is a compelling soap opera exchange that highlights their ridiculous, contempt-and-jealously-filled relationship. Unfortunately, Napoleon runs into a similar set of problems as Scott's previous film House of Gucci as its tone clunkily shifts between the farcical and stoic at the drop of a hat and the 157-minute runtime simultaneously feels too long and too short as it struggles to justify its 2.5+ hour running time while also leaving nearly every element of its story underdeveloped. Could Scott's upcoming 4-hour director's cut presumably solve some of these problems? Yes, but quite frankly, I'm not sure I have the heart to sit through this again to find out the answer. 

Grade: B-

Wednesday, November 22, 2023

2023 NFL Power Rankings: Week 12

 ()=Previous Ranking

1.(1) Philadelphia Eagles (9-1) Week 12 opponent: Buffalo Bills

2.(3) Detroit Lions (8-2) Week 12 opponent: Green Bay Packers

3.(2) Kansas City Chiefs (7-3) Week 12 opponent: Las Vegas Raiders

4.(4) Miami Dolphins (7-3) Week 12 opponent: New York Jets

5.(5) Baltimore Ravens (8-3) Week 12 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers

6.(6) San Francisco 49ers (7-3) Week 12 opponent: Seattle Seahawks 

7.(7) Dallas Cowboys (7-3) Week 12 opponent: Washington Commanders

8.(8) Cleveland Browns (7-3) Week 12 opponent: Denver Broncos

9.(9) Jacksonville Jaguars (7-3) Week 12 opponent: Houston Texans

10.(11) Houston Texans (6-4) Week 12 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars 

11.(10) Seattle Seahawks (6-4) Week 12 opponent: San Francisco 49ers

12.(15) Buffalo Bills (6-5) Week 12 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles

13.(20) Denver Broncos (5-5) Week 12 opponent: Cleveland Browns

14.(13) Minnesota Vikings (6-5) Week 12 opponent: Chicago Bears

15.(14) Pittsburgh Steelers (6-4) Week 12 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

16.(16) New Orleans Saints (5-5) Week 12 opponent: Atlanta Falcons

17.(17) Indianapolis Colts (5-5) Week 12 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

18.(12) Cincinnati Bengals (5-5) Week 12 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers

19.(18) Los Angeles Chargers (4-6) Week 12 opponent: Baltimore Ravens

20.(26) Los Angeles Rams (4-6) Week 12 opponent: Arizona Cardinals

21.(21) Las Vegas Raiders (5-6) Week 12 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs

22.(19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-6) Week 12 opponent: Indianapolis Colts

23.(23) Atlanta Falcons (4-6) Week 12 opponent: New Orleans Saints

24.(28) Green Bay Packers (4-6) Week 12 opponent: Detroit Lions 

25.(21) Washington Commanders (4-7) Week 12 opponent: Dallas Cowboys

26.(25) Tennessee Titans (3-7) Week 12 opponent: Carolina Panthers

27.(24) New York Jets (4-6) Week 12 opponent: Miami Dolphins

28.(27) Chicago Bears (3-8) Week 12 opponent: Minnesota Vikings 

29.(31) New York Giants (3-8) Week 12 opponent: New England Patriots

30.(30) New England Patriots (2-8) Week 12 opponent: New York Giants

31.(29) Arizona Cardinals (2-9) Week 12 opponent: Los Angeles Rams

32.(32) Carolina Panthers (1-9) Week 12 opponent: Tennessee Titans

Tuesday, November 21, 2023

Week 11 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers: 2023 Edition

Quarterback

MVP: Trevor Lawrence (Jaguars)

After his faceplant against the 49ers in Week 10, Lawrence took full advantage of the softer matchup against the Titans this week by putting together his clear best performance of the season (262 YDS, 2 TD's, 17 Rushing YDS, 2 TD's). Lawrence will hope to parlay this exceptional showing into the beginning of a hot streak in Week 12 against a Texans team that he played pretty poorly against back in Week 3.

Honorable Mentions: Brock Purdy (49ers), Justin Herbert (Chargers), Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

LVP: Patrick Mahomes (Chiefs)

Mahomes probably would've been in the running for MVP if Travis Kelce hadn't fumbled in the redzone or he had just 1 wide receiver with serviceable hands. But alas, that didn't happen and he ended up with a pretty pedestrian line (177 YDS/2 TD's/INT/38 Rushing YDS) in a frankly stunning loss to the Eagles last night. Mahomes supporting cast on offense has been bad enough this year to cause him to have average-to-below-average performances with a far greater degree of regularity than usual and unless his receivers start using banned substances to help them catch passes, that will likely remain the case the rest of the way.   

Dishonorable Mentions: Jared Goff (Lions), Dak Prescott (Cowboys), Joshua Dobbs (Vikings)

Running Back

MVP: Saquon Barkley (Giants) 

The top beneficiary of Brian Daboll actually allowing Tommy DeVito to throw the ball against the Commanders abysmal pass defense was Barkley. The star running back caught 4 passes for 57 YDS and 2 TD's while also contributing 83 YDS on the ground on just 14 carries as the Giants picked up a victory that was good for locker room morale and horrible for their 2024 draft position. Barkley will have another golden opportunity to clean up against a reeling Patriots team that would greatly benefit from losing on Sunday.  

Honorable Mentions: Gus Edwards (Ravens), Christian McCaffery (49ers), Devin Singletary (Texans)

LVP: Najee Harris (Steelers)

Stop me if you heard this before but Harris got severely outplayed by Jaylen Warren against the Browns this past week. While Harris turned his 13 touches (12 carries, 1 reception) into a measly 36 scrimmage YDS, Warren picked up 145 YDS and a score on 12. Matt Canada getting ousted as OC today is the perfect opportunity for the Steelers to put Harris on the bench where he belongs. Fantasy managers should follow suit. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Derrick Henry (Titans), Austin Ekeler (Chargers), Josh Jacobs (Raiders)

Wide Receiver 

MVP: Calvin Ridley (Jaguars)

Ridley put together one hell of a slump-buster performance against the Titans in Week 10, securing 7 catches for 103 YDS and 2 TD's while further sweetening the pot with an 18-YD carry. What version of Ridley will show on Sunday in Houston is anyone's guess, but he'll be hard to sit after a performance like this.

Honorable Mentions: Tyreek Hill (Dolphins), Tank Dell (Texans), Brandon Aiyuk (49ers

LVP: Garrett Wilson (Jets)

Wilson racks up so many damn catches each week that he's remained a solid enough fantasy option despite the staggering ineptitude of the Jets offense. His seemingly long-overdue awful performance arrived in Week 11 as he managed only 2 catches for 9 YDS and lost a fumble in a blowout loss versus the Bills. A whole lot more bleak days could be on the horizon for Wilson as the Jets have benched Zach Wilson in favor of Tim Boyle-who is one of the only QB's in the league right now that's less qualified to start than Zach Wilson.    

Dishonorable Mentions: A.J. Brown (Eagles), Marquise Brown (Cardinals), Stefon Diggs (Bills)

Tight End

MVP: George Kittle (49ers)

Kittle was all over the place on Sunday against the Bucs porous pass defense, reeling in 8 catches for 89 YDS and a TD as the 49ers cruised to a victory. With Mark Andrews likely out for the year after sustaining an ankle/fibula injury last week, Kittle officially moves into top 3 overall TE territory and becomes even more indispensable to the people who have him on their team . 

LVP: Tyler Higbee (Rams)

Even Cooper Kupp exiting the game with an ankle sprain wasn't enough to get Higbee involved in the passing game against the Seahawks. Ultimately, he caught just 1-of-3 targets for 17 YDS and got outscored by nearly every TE that stepped on the field this week. With Kyren Williams reportedly in line to be activated off IR for this week's game with the Cardinals, Higbee's already limited target share is at risk of dipping even lower. He's a safe drop option in any league that has less than 14 teams. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Cole Kmet (Bears), Evan Engram (Jaguars), Pat Friermuth (Steelers)

Defense/Special Teams

MVP: Cowboys

In a development that should shock no one, the Cowboys defense absolutely feasted on the Panthers struggling rookie QB and league-worst offensive line. Dan Quinn's group picked up 7 sacks, a fumble recovery and a pick 6 by Da'Ron Bland and only allowed 10 points in yet another blowout victory in 2023 for the 'Boys. They'll face the Commanders in Week 12.

Honorable Mentions: Bills, Dolphins, 49ers

LVP: Jets 

A pissed-off Josh Allen and even-worse-than-usual performance from their own offense was a recipe that led to the Jets D surrendering 32 points to the Bills while only picking up a single sack and takeaway to offset the damage of the high point total they allowed. They'll be a tough sell as a starter for this week's contest with the Dolphins.  

Dishonorable Mentions: Lions, Eagles, Ravens

Monday, November 20, 2023

Joaquin Phoenix Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Joaquin Phoenix-whose latest project "Napoleon" releases in theaters tomorrow. 

Joaquin Phoenix's Filmography Ranked:

17.Joker (D-)

16.The Village (D+)

15.Signs (C-)

14.Ladder 49 (C)

13.The Sisters Brothers (C)

12.Irrational Man (C)

11.You Were Never Really Here (C)

10.Clay Pigeons (B-)

9.Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot (B)

8.We Own the Night (B)

7.Beau is Afraid (B)

6.Hotel Rwanda (B)

5.Walk the Line (B)

4.C'mon C'mon (B+)

3.To Die For (B+)

2.Her (B+)

1.Gladiator (A)

Top Dog: Gladiator (2000)

The last time Phoenix and Ridley Scott collaborated on a big period action epic prior to Napoleon, the results were really special. While undeniably cheesy, Gladiator is one of those badass, wildly entertaining pieces of meathead entertainment that hits all of the right notes with its action sequences, rousing monologues and melodramatic story beats.   

Bottom Feeder: Joker (2019)

Turns out the guy behind Old School and The Hangover trilogy isn't all that great at making serious movies. But what makes Joker particularly painful to endure is that Todd Phillips thinks that he's fucking terrific at it. In fact, he spends the entire movie patting himself on the back for having the vision to reimagine The King of Comedy as an origin story for an iconic Batman villain. Joker's self-congratulatory nature-particularly regarding its approach to its social commentary on how "the system" fails people with mental illness and the shock value of its violence-turns what is supposed to be this profound, disturbing psychological character study into an insufferable piece of trash that is so desperate to be taken seriously that it becomes embarrassing.            

Most Underrated: To Die For (1995)

Right before he went onto the make the biggest hit of his career to date in Good Will Hunting, Gus Van Sant made a very different but similarly excellent film in To Die For. This darkly comedic satire about a local news reporter (Nicole Kidman) who dreams of becoming a star who enlists three naïve teenagers (Phoenix, Casey Affleck, Alison Folland) to murder her husband (Matt Dillon) who doesn't support her Hollywood aspirations takes some sharp shots at America's obsessions with celebrity and tabloid culture while also serving as an early showcase for Kidman and Phoenix's willingness to go to really ugly places on screen.

Most Overrated: Joker (2019)

The following films more received more Oscar nominations than Joker in 2019:


The following films won more Oscars than Joker in 2019:

Parasite 

1917

This is by far my least favorite movie or awards fact in recent history. I would pay a good $20 to have it erased from my memory permanently. If Phillips can repeat this feat in the upcoming musical sequel that features a method-acting Lady Gaga next year, there will likely be a new winner for my least movie or awards fact in recent history.  

Thursday, November 16, 2023

Michael Fassbender Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Michael Fassbender-whose latest project "Next Goal Wins" opens in theaters tonight.

Michael Fassbender's Filmography Ranked:

16.The Counselor (D) 

15.Haywire (D)

14.Jonah Hex (D+)

13.Alien: Covenant (D+)

12.Slow West (C-)

11.Shame (C)

10.Prometheus (B-)

9.Dark Phoenix (B)

8.12 Years a Slave (B)

7.X-Men: Apocalypse (B+)

6.X-Men: First Class (A-)

5.Steve Jobs (A-)

4.The Killer (A-)

3.X-Men: Days of Future Past (A)

2.300 (A)

1.Inglorious Basterds (A)

Top Dog: Inglorious Basterds (2009)

The start of Tarantino's ongoing alternate history-era marked an incredible return to form for him after the misstep (by his lofty standards at least) that was Death Proof. Tarantino is able to blend dark comedy, nerve-rattling tension and cathartic, over-the-top action in this engrossing interconnected story that follows an elite squad of Nazi hunters (Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, Fassbender, Til Schweiger, B.J. Novak, Gedeon Burkhard), a movie theater owner (Melanie Laurent) looking for revenge and ruthless Nazi colonel (Christoph Waltz) as they slowly work towards their paths converging in Nazi-occupied France in 1944. It's one of the best films of Tarantino's storied career and probably the one released in the 21st Century that's had the biggest cultural impact.  

Bottom Feeder: The Counselor (2013)

The most interesting and infuriating thing about Ridley Scott as a director is that truly any quality outcome is possible with his films. He's made several masterpieces, completely unwatchable pieces of shit and basically everything else in between over the course his remarkable 5+ decade career in film. The Counselor is near the top (or bottom, depending on how you look at it) of the "Completely Unwatchable Piece of Shit" list. Despite an intriguing premise surrounding a naïve American lawyer (Fassbender) who realizes far too late that getting involved in the Mexican drug trade can have deadly consequences, The Counselor manages to be a brutally dull and disjointed affair with a rushed, awkward narrative and some really horrendous performances from Fassbender, Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz.        

Most Underrated: X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

Yes, X-Men: Apocalypse is a silly movie that didn't completely sustain the momentum built up by its excellent predecessors First Class and Days of Future Past . But damn it, I still think it's a whole lot of fun and gets far more shit than it deserves. 

Most Overrated: Alien: Covenant (2017)

While I wasn't the biggest fan of Prometheus, it was at least a semi-respectable prequel to Alien that had a handful of sufficiently nasty scenes that shared some DNA with the most memorable body horror moments of the original. Alien: Covenant, on the other hand, is a pretty much useless film that sees Ridley Scott bid farewell to the franchise that launched his career into overdrive with a booming thud. Outside of an unintentionally  hilarious sequence involving one character teaching another how to play the flute, it's a shockingly lifeless affair with boring kills, predictable plot twists and real no reason to exist other than to add more useless lore to a universe that really doesn't need it.  

Wednesday, November 15, 2023

2023 NFL Power Rankings: Week 11

 ()=Previous Ranking

1.(1) Philadelphia Eagles (8-1) Week 11 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs

2.(2) Kansas City Chiefs (7-2) Week 11 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles

3.(7) Detroit Lions (7-2) Week 11 opponent: Chicago Bears

4.(4) Miami Dolphins (6-3) Week 11 opponent: Las Vegas Raiders

5.(3) Baltimore Ravens (7-3) Week 11 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals 

6.(8) San Francisco 49ers (6-3) Week 11 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

7.(9) Dallas Cowboys (6-3) Week 11 opponent: Carolina Panthers

8.(10) Cleveland Browns (6-3) Week 11 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers

9.(5) Jacksonville Jaguars (6-3) Week 11 opponent: Tennessee Titans

10.(12) Seattle Seahawks (6-3) Week 11 opponent: Los Angeles Rams

11.(14) Houston Texans (5-4) Week 11 opponent: Arizona Cardinals

12.(6) Cincinnati Bengals (5-4) Week 11 opponent: Baltimore Ravens

13.(16) Minnesota Vikings (6-4) Week 11 opponent: Denver Broncos

14.(15) Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3) Week 11 opponent: Cleveland Browns

15.(11) Buffalo Bills (5-5) Week 11 opponent: New York Jets

16.(13) New Orleans Saints (5-5) Week 11 opponent: Bye

17.(20) Indianapolis Colts (5-5) Week 11 opponent: Bye

18.(17) Los Angeles Chargers (4-5) Week 11 opponent: Green Bay Packers

19.(22) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-5) Week 11 opponent: San Francisco 49ers

20.(25) Denver Broncos (4-5) Week 11 opponent: Minnesota Vikings 

21.(24) Las Vegas Raiders (5-5) Week 11 opponent: Miami Dolphins

22.(21) Washington Commanders (4-6) Week 11 opponent: New York Giants

23.(18) Atlanta Falcons (4-6) Week 11 opponent: Bye

24.(19) New York Jets (4-5) Week 11 opponent: Buffalo Bills

25.(23) Tennessee Titans (3-6) Week 11 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars

26.(26) Los Angeles Rams (3-6) Week 11 opponent: Seattle Seahawks 

27.(28) Chicago Bears (3-7) Week 11 opponent: Detroit Lions

28.(27) Green Bay Packers (3-6) Week 11 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers

29.(32) Arizona Cardinals (2-8) Week 11 opponent: Houston Texans

30.(29) New England Patriots (2-8) Week 11 opponent: Bye

31.(30) New York Giants (2-8) Week 11 opponent: Washington Commanders

32.(31) Carolina Panthers (1-8) Week 11 opponent: Dallas Cowboys  

Tuesday, November 14, 2023

Week 10 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers: 2023 Edition

Quarterback:

MVP: Dak Prescott (Cowboys)

In the Cowboys Week 1 blowout win over the Giants, the defense and special teams ensured that Dak's services as quarterback weren't needed much. In the Cowboys Week 10 blowout win over the Giants, he got his time to shine. His Madden-esque performance (404 YDS, 4 TD's, INT, 17 Rushing YDS, TD) was so good that he got to finish the day on the bench while backup Cooper Rush guided one final TD drive against their helpless division rivals. Dak could be in line for another effortlessly brilliant performance this week when they take on the helpless Panthers.     

Honorable Mentions: Justin Herbert (Chargers), Josh Dobbs (Vikings), Sam Howell (Commanders)

LVP: Trevor Lawrence (Jaguars)

The 49ers defense' recent struggles came to an end on Sunday and nobody on the planet is more aware of that fact than Lawrence. He got absolutely pummeled by their pass rush and was completely out of sync all afternoon-which shows in his horrendous, turnover-riddled line (185 YDS, 0 TD, 2 INT, 7 Rushing YDS, FUM Lost). Lawrence has a good chance of quickly getting back on track when he faces the Titans in Week 11. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Lamar Jackson (Ravens), Josh Allen (Bills), Will Levis (Titans)

Running Back:

MVP: Jahmyr Gibbs (Lions)

There were several stars on the Lions offense during their tremendous performance in a full-blown shootout with the Chargers but only one of those guys found the endzone twice. In addition to the 2 scores, Gibbs put up an impressive 112 scrimmage YDS (77 rushing, 35 receiving) on just 17 touches. Since being freed from the bench a few weeks back, Gibbs has been electric and it would be downright negligent if Dan Campbell and Ben Johnson didn't continue to prominently feature him in the offense. 

Honorable Mentions: Brian Robinson Jr. (Commanders), Devin Singletary (Texans), Austin Ekeler (Chargers)

LVP: Derrick Henry (Titans)

Another game with Will Levis under center, another disheartening dud from Henry. The workhorse back only earned 12 touches (11 carries and 1 reception) on Sunday and did very little with them (20 YDS) as the Titans got smacked around by the Bucs on the road. Henry could be in line for his 3rd straight dud as the Titans have to go up against the Jags and their stout rush D in Week 11.

Dishonorable Mentions: Travis Etienne Jr. (Jaguars), Alexander Mattison (Vikings), Tony Pollard (Cowboys)

Wide Receiver:

MVP: Keenan Allen (Chargers)

Unlike the Lions who got contributions from numerous backs and receivers during the shootout, Allen and Austin Ekeler were basically the only ones helping Justin Herbert tear apart the opposing  defense. Allen put forth one of the best games of his career- registering a whopping 11 receptions for 175 YD and 2 TD's in yet another Bolts loss where the offense isn't to blame. With the nagging finger injury on Herbert's non-throwing hand now seemingly healed, Allen could be in line for a hell of a fantasy stretch run- which would only further solidify his status as one of the best value picks of 2023 at any position.

Honorable Mentions: CeeDee Lamb (Cowboys), Amon-Ra St. Brown (Lions), Mike Evans (Buccaneers) 

LVP: Jahan Dotson (Commanders)

Just when everybody thought Dotson had finally turned a corner this season, he regressed right back to his slumping ways. Not only did Dotson finish the contest against the Seahawks with a big goose egg on the stat sheet, Sam Howell only targeted him twice on a day where attempted 44 passes and threw for 312 YDS and 3 TD's. Where Dotson actually stands in the passing hierarchy in Washington is a complete and total mystery right now and his trick-or-treat nature is something fantasy owners are just going to have to live with if they elect to put him into their lineups. This debate should be particularly heated this week as the Commanders are set to take on a Giants secondary that just got torched by CeeDee Lamb and Brandin Cooks.  

Dishonorable Mentions: Diontae Johnson (Steelers), Calvin Ridley (Jaguars), Marquise Brown (Cardinals)

Tight End:

MVP: T.J. Hockenson (Vikings)

Josh Dobbs might not know much about his new playing environment in Minnesota right now, but he made fast friends with Hockenson in Week 11. The star tight end put on a major show against a dumbfounded Saints defense-securing 11 catches for 134 YDS and a TD as the Vikings improved to 2-0 with Dobbs under center. While Justin Jefferson's imminent return from a hamstring injury is going to reduce Hockenson's target share, the valuable reps he's picked up with Dobbs over the past couple weeks could give him a leg up over Jefferson for the rest of the season.

Honorable Mentions: George Kittle (49ers), Trey McBride (Cardinals), Dalton Kincaid (Bills)

LVP: Evan Engram (Jaguars)

Engram had no chance to shine on Sunday with Lawrence playing so poorly against the 49ers and it relegated him to a glamourless checkdown role as he finished the game with 4 catches for 12 YDS. He'll be back in the TE1 picture for this week's showdown with the Titans. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Taysom Hill (Saints), Kyle Pitts (Falcons), Hunter Henry (Patriots)


Defense/Special Teams:

MVP: 49ers

This was a pretty easy one to assume based on all of the Jaguars offense bashing I've done in this piece. The damage this defense did to Jacksonville on their home field was astounding (5 sacks, 2 INT, 2 FUM REC) as they played a significant role in the 34-3 win. A Bucs offense that has struggled against teams with winning records all season long awaits the 49ers next.

Honorable Mentions: Browns, Ravens, Buccaneers 

LVP: Saints 

Based on this past Sunday's performance alone, it would be impossible to buy that the Saints are one of the best defenses in the league. They were listless and supremely ineffective-logging 0 takeaways and just 1 sack-as Josh Dobbs and T.J. Hockenson diced them up all game long in a 27-19 loss. They're on bye this week, but expect them to be a waiver-wire favorite once they return to action in Week 12 as they have dates with the Falcons, Panthers and Giants lined up for this pivotal portion of the fantasy calendar.  

Dishonorable Mentions: Falcons, Seahawks, Bills