Thursday, September 28, 2017

Movie Review: Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Kingsman: The Golden Circle introduces its powerful drug-dealer antagonist Poppy Adams (the phenomenal Julianne Moore) in a scene where she stuffs one of her henchman into a meat grinder for lying to her, presses his remains into the shape of a hamburger and forces his friend to eat it in front of her. This absurd series of events marked the moment that I knew The Golden Circle was a successful sequel.

2015's The Secret Service's willingness to approach the traditionally-preposterous spy genre in a tongue-in-cheek manner helped make the film great and director Matthew Vaughn doesn't lose sight of that inspired lunacy in the follow-up. Even though the return of Harry Hart (Colin Firth) after his presumed death in the previous installment brings some uneven flashes of sentimentality into the story, Vaughn and his longtime writing partner Jane Goldman are well-aware that the Kingsman brand is defined by its unhinged nature. The duo's script doubles down on the freewheeling energy, charismatic characters and wild action that drove its predecessor while adding enough surprises (John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Roads" serving as the soundtrack for a pivotal fight scene, Elton John playing a pissed-off, ass-kicking version of himself, some surprisingly well-constructed commentary on how the United States government handles and views drug addiction) to maintain a necessary sense of unpredictability. Making subtle, sensible tweaks to the formula that brought you success in the past is the blueprint for a successful sequel and thanks to the sharpness of its creative personnel, Golden Circle pulls this feat off beautifully.  

While Vaughn deserves a lot of credit for successfully moving this franchise forward, his gift for directing action scenes is still his biggest asset as a filmmaker. While there's nothing here that's as jaw-dropping as the original's widely-lauded church scene, every action sequence in The Golden Circle is crisp, confident and well-choreographed/edited (the ski lift/cabin sequence is the standout this time around). After watching Jon Watts (Spider-Man: Homecoming) and Patty Jenkins (Wonder Woman) deliver messy collections of incomprehensible fight scenes over the past few months, it was great to watch an action-driven blockbuster where the person at the helm wasn't overwhelmed by working with elaborate, CGI-heavy setpieces.

My only real problem with The Golden Circle was the underutilization of the Kingman's "American cousins" in the Statesman. When you add huge names like Jeff Bridges, Halle Berry and Channing Tatum to the cast, you'd expect them to pick up some relatively significant screen time. However, the Statesman, with the exception of Pedro Pascal's lasso-slinging Agent Whiskey, are relegated to about 25 minutes of screen time and mostly just serve as a spy gadget rental service for the Kingsman following the destruction of their headquarters at the beginning of the film. Hopefully the final installment of this planned trilogy will give us the scenes of a shotgun-touting Tatum and an umbrella-wielding Firth mowing down legions of bad guys that we all deserve.

I couldn't really ask for a better kickoff to fall's blockbuster slate than The Golden Circle. It's a giddily over-the-top, amusing and wildly entertaining ride that's pretty much on par with the quality of the original. Barring an influx of excellent projects in the final three months, The Golden Circle should end up going down as one of my favorite action films of 2017.  

4/5 Stars

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

The Best and Worst of Ellen Page

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "Flatliners" star Ellen Page.

Films starring Ellen Page that I've seen:
Hard Candy
X-Men: The Last Stand
Juno
Whip It!
Inception
Super
The East
X-Men: Days of Future Past

Best Performance: Hard Candy (2005)
I really wish that Hard Candy was my first exposure to Page (more on that in a moment). Her performance as Hayley Stark, a 15-year old who drugs and tortures a potential pedophile she met online (Patrick Wilson), is one of the most unhinged, menacing and mesmerizing performances I've ever seen. The level of maturity and commitment to the role that she displayed at such a young age (she was 16 when Hard Candy was shot) is a testament to how gifted Page is as a performer.

Worst Performance: Juno (2007)
Juno served as my introduction to Page and to be completely honest, I'm astonished that I ever grew to like her as an actress. Juno MacGuff is an insufferable smartass that was birthed from some kind of quirky, Wes Anderson-esque hell and if she were a real person, I'd wish nothing but ill on her for the rest of time.

Best Film: Inception (2010)
Christopher Nolan has a history of making enthralling, badass movies and while it's not my favorite film of his, Inception is definitely the coolest. Nolan is in his element playing around with the concept of dreams vs. reality and the terrific ensemble cast (Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tom Hardy, Marion Cotillard, Page) elevates the intricate headtrip of a plot to an unreal level of brilliance.

Worst Film: The East (2013)
"Woke" political thrillers like The East drive me absolutely insane. This film tries embarrassingly hard to incite a thoughtful dialogue about morality, but instead delivers a simple, obvious message that anyone with a shred of common sense and awarenes could figure out in less than 10 seconds. While their methods are different, corporations and eco-terrorists are both dangerous, morally- reprehensible organizations that cause harm to the masses. SO DEEP. On top of its sorry-ass attempts to be thought-provoking, it also happens to be a boring-ass movie full of petty, annoying characters that I couldn't give two shits about. Fuck this movie with a collection of dank Tumblr posts about the endless greed and general soullessness of the 1%.  

Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "Blade Runner 2049" star Jared Leto.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

2017 NFL Power Rankings: Week 4

1.(1) Kansas City Chiefs (3-0) Week 4 opponent: Washington Redskins
2. (3) Atlanta Falcons (3-0) Week 4 opponent: Buffalo Bills
3. (5) New England Patriots (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Carolina Panthers
4. (2) Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Baltimore Ravens
5. (8) Green Bay Packers (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Chicago Bears
6. (4) Oakland Raiders (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Denver Broncos
7. (6) Detroit Lions (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Minnesota Vikings
8. (12) Tennessee Titans (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Houston Texans
9. (11) Dallas Cowboys (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Los Angeles Rams
10. (7) Denver Broncos (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Oakland Raiders
11. (14) Minnesota Vikings (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Detroit Lions
12. (10) Seattle Seahawks (1-2) Week 4 opponent: Indianapolis Colts
13. (19) Washington Redskins (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs
14. (16) Philadelphia Eagles (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers
15. (22) Jacksonville Jaguars (2-1) Week 4 opponent: New York Jets
16. (21) Los Angeles Rams (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Dallas Cowboys
17. (9) Baltimore Ravens (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers
18. (13) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1) Week 4 opponent: New York Giants
19. (18) Houston Texans (1-2) Week 4 opponent: Tennessee Titans
20. (25) Buffalo Bills (2-1) Week 4 opponent: Atlanta Falcons
21. (15) Miami Dolphins (1-1) Week 4 opponent: New Orleans Saints
22. (24) New Orleans Saints (1-2) Week 4 opponent: Miami Dolphins
23. (17) Carolina Panthers (2-1) Week 4 opponent: New England Patriots
24. (20) New York Giants (0-3) Week 4 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
25. (23) Arizona Cardinals (1-2) Week 4 opponent: San Francisco 49ers
26. (29) Chicago Bears (1-2) Week 4 opponent: Green Bay Packers
27. (28) Indianapolis Colts (1-2) Week 4 opponent: Seattle Seahawks
28. (26) Los Angeles Chargers (0-3) Week 4 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles
29. (27) Cincinnati Bengals (0-3) Week 4 opponent: Cleveland Browns
30. (32) New York Jets (1-2) Week 4 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars
31. (31) San Francisco 49ers (0-3) Week 4 opponent: Arizona Cardinals
32. (30) Cleveland Browns (0-3) Week 4 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

Week 3 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers

Quarterback
MVP: Tom Brady (Patriots)
Everyone's favorite 40-year old quarterback/sketchy nutrition book peddler was at it again in Week 3. Outside of a lost fumble that resulted in a touchdown, Tom Brady was outstanding on Sunday as he picked up 378 YDS, 5 TD and a successful 2-point conversion against the Texans banged-up defense. Brady has played outstanding since his awful opening night performance against the Chiefs and will look to keep his hot streak going in Week 4 versus a Panthers defense that just surrendered 3 TD's to Drew Brees.
Honorable Mentions: Russell Wilson (Seahawks), Kirk Cousins (Redskins), Aaron Rodgers (Packers)

LVP: Cam Newton (Panthers)
For the first time in 2017, an opposing quarterback failed to light up the Saints abysmal defense. Cam Newton was a god damn mess in front of his home crowd on Sunday afternoon, mustering a sorry-ass statline (193 total YDS, 3 INT and a rushing TD) against a defense that had surrendered 7 TD in the previous 2 games. The Panthers offense has been anemic all season long and with top WR Kelvin Benjamin expected to miss at least a few weeks with a knee injury, I would recommend benching Newton indefinitely in deeper leagues and dropping him in shallower ones.  
Dishonorable Mentions: Derek Carr (Raiders), Philip Rivers (Chargers), Ben Roethlisberger (Steelers)

Running Back
MVP: Todd Gurley (Rams)
Todd Gurley's stunning bounceback campaign hit a new peak in Week 3. Gurley was once again the centerpiece for the Rams suddenly viable offense against the 49ers, picking up 149 total YDS (113 rushing, 36 receiving) and 3 TD's (2 rushing, 1 receiving) on 33 touches in last week's shockingly great edition of Thursday Night Football. If Gurley can maintain his current scoring rate, he has an excellent chance of being the #1 overall fantasy back this season.
Honorable Mentions: Jordan Howard (Bears), Chris Thompson (Redskins), Kareem Hunt (Chiefs)

LVP: Jay Ajayi (Dolphins)
Dolphins workhorse running back Jay Ajayi managed to fill his fantasy owners with rage and disgust by posting a mere 25 yards (16 rushing, 9 receiving) on 13 touches again the New York F'n Jets. While his seemingly chronic knee ailment could have somewhat of an effect on his usage in the coming weeks, Ajayi should still be considered a high-end RB1 when the 'Phins travel across the pond to face the Saints in Week 4. 
Dishonorable Mentions: Marshawn Lynch (Raiders), Javorius Allen (Ravens), Mike Gillislee (Patriots)

Wide Receiver
MVP: Stefon Diggs (Vikings)
If you were brave enough to put Stefon Diggs in your lineup this week, your faith was rewarded tremendously. The Vikings top WR miraculously posted 173 YDS and 2 TD on 8 receptions against the Buccaneers pretty decent secondary with backup quarterback Case Keenum at the helm. Even though they displayed some nice chemistry during this spectacular performance, Diggs will remain a risky fantasy play as long as Keenum is under center.
Honorable Mentions: Brandin Cooks (Patriots), Sammy Watkins (Rams), T.Y. Hilton (Colts)

LVP: Amari Cooper (Raiders)
Both of the Raiders starting receivers were worthy candidates for this dubious honor, but Amari Cooper managed to do even less than Week 2 darling Michael Crabtree. Like everyone else on the Raiders offense not named Jared Cook, Cooper had an awful showing against the Redskins, finishing the night with a single reception for 6 yards. Cooper has been a massive dud in back-to-back weeks and will more than likely struggle again when he takes on the Broncos "No Fly Zone" corner trio (Chris Harris Jr., Aqib Talib, Bradley Roby) in Week 4.
Dishonorable Mentions: Michael Crabtree (Raiders), J.J. Nelson (Cardinals), Jeremy Maclin (Ravens)

Tight End
MVP: Rob Gronkowski (Patriots)
Rob Gronkowski spent this week proving he had no ill effects from the groin injury he suffered against the Saints in Week 2. Gronk gave the Texans depleted secondary fits all game long, posting 89 YDS and a TD on a team-high 8 receptions. As long as he remains on the field, Gronkowski will be the best fantasy (and real-life) tight end on the planet.
Honorable Mentions: Jared Cook (Raiders), Zach Ertz (Eagles), Cameron Brate (Buccaneers)

LVP: Travis Kelce (Chiefs)
The feed Travis Kelce initiative suffered a huge setback on Sunday. The Chiefs star tight end was a complete non-factor against the Chargers, catching his only target for 1 yard in a game that his team had won by the time the 1st quarter had concluded. Kelce is still Alex Smith's top short-yardage target in the passing game and should continue to be the top fantasy tight end not named Rob Gronkowski in 2017.
Dishonorable Mentions: Hunter Henry (Chargers), Jack Doyle (Colts), Kyle Rudolph (Vikings)

Defense/Special Teams
MVP: Kansas City Chiefs
In a wonky Week 3 where normally below-average groups like the Redskins, Jets and Bengals topped the defensive scoring leaderboards, the Chiefs managed to be one of the few mainstays that delivered the goods. The Chiefs harassed Philip Rivers and co. all afternoon, picking up 3 INT's and a pair of sacks in an easy 24-10 win against the lowly Chargers. Bob Sutton's group has looked pretty respectable through the inaugural stretch of the season and should be able to retain that level of efficiency against the Redskins erratic offense next Monday night.  
Honorable Mentions: Jacksonville Jaguars, Minnesota Vikings, Houston Texans


LVP: Baltimore Ravens
The Ravens were the latest team to fall victim to the supernatural force that is the London version of the Jaguars. Blake Bortles and co. hung 44 points on this typically stout defense during their annual visit to their international home. I fully expect this group to bounce back this week when they face a Steelers team that has an extensive history of struggling at M&T Bank Stadium.
Dishonorable Mentions: Seattle Seahawks, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Denver Broncos

Monday, September 25, 2017

Concert Revew: Between the Buried and Me-- Boston, MA-- September 24th, 2017

Lineup: Between the Buried and Me/The Contortionist/Polyphia/Toothgrinder (Colors 10th Anniversary Tour)
Venue: Paradise Rock Club, Boston, MA
Date: September 24th, 2017

Toothgrinder: Toothgrinder first caught my attention in early 2015 when they were opening for The Contortionist on their headlining tour for Language. Two and a half years later, they managed to be even more impressive. Over the course of their 25-minute set, they won over the packed room at the Paradise with their wild energy and intriguing blend of prog melodies and mathcore spasticness. This is one of the more promising young bands in the scene right now and I'm very intrigued to see what they offer up on their new record Phantom Amour, which is currently set for release on November 10th.

Polyphia: Outside of Animals and Leaders and Intervals, I don't think there is a better instrumental band in metal right now than Polyphia. The precision and dynamic instrumentation the Texas-based quartet displays on record completely carries over to their live show. Their lush melodic riffing is consistently gorgeous and the astonishing level of talent they possess as a group becomes even clearer in a live setting (especially the contributions from their new drummer Clay Aeschilman). Polyphia was an excellent fit on this bill and I fully expect this tour to significantly elevate their already rapidly-rising stock in the prog metal community.

The Contortionist: For the 7th time since April 2011 and 3rd time in the last 18 months, I was blessed (?) with the opportunity of seeing The Contortionist live. In a not-so-shocking development, I was once again completely content yet somewhat underwhelmed by their performance. While I don't have any serious beef with the more straightforward prog direction (aka overwhelming Cynic worship) they've adapted since vocalist Mike Lessard joined the band on a full-time basis back in 2013, I'd be lying if I said I wish they never departed from the -core influenced sound of their earlier records. The surprise appearance of "Flourish" off of their excellent 2010 debut LP Exoplanet in their set served as a strong reminder of how much more interesting, lively and distinct they were as a band when they were making prog-tinged deathcore. They're too musically-competent for me to get irritated or disappointed by their presence on a bill, but I doubt I'll ever get overly excited about seeing them live again.

Between the Buried and Me: 2017 has been an absolutely insane year for anniversary tours. I got to see Coheed and Cambria play all of their 2005 LP Good Apollo I'm Burning Star Vol.1 From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness in May followed by The Black Dahlia Murder performing their blistering, breakout album Nocturnal in honor of its 10th anniversary in July. Between the Buried and Me's Colors marked the third (and most likely, final ) of my all-time favorite albums that I got to see played from start to finish this year and unsurprisingly, it made for one of hell a climax for this beautiful nostalgic journey.

Like a large portion of their fanbase, Colors served as my introduction to Between the Buried and Me. However, my journey with the record was a little bit different than most people's. I heard Colors shortly after it was released in September 2007 and enjoyed it quite a bit, but I didn't realize just how special it was until I saw them live for the first time in October 2008 with Children of Bodom and The Black Dahlia Murder. Shortly after that show, I became full-blown obsessed with Colors and by the time their next LP The Great Misdirect came out in October 2009, BTBAM had become my all-time favorite band.

The most staggering part about seeing this album played in its entirety for me was getting to hear the crispness of the transitions between songs in person. Colors was composed as a single 65-minute song broken up into eight different sections and as a music nerd, I took great delight in watching the variety of vastly different moving parts (crushing metalcore breakdowns, technical death metal-esque soloing, polka piano interludes, frenzied screams that turn into soothing falsetto singing, too many others to list) that are present in all of these songs turn into a cohesive whole. Watching the brilliance, beauty and complexity of this record slowly build in real time marked one of the rare occasions where I was truly floored by what I was experiencing. Even though I've heard the finished product hundreds, if not thousands of times over the past decade, seeing these tracks played live helped me gain a new level of appreciation for how phenomenal the songwriting and overall musicianship is on this record. 

As I'm writing this, I can say without question that the power of this performance still hasn't fully hit me. I spent the ride home from the show last night starting to process the power of what had I just witnessed and that feeling has only intensified as the hours tick away on this shocking gorgeous late September day in Massachusetts. 10 years later, Colors holds up as a bold, inventive and unbelievably satisfying landmark album in the formation of my musical identity and I commend Between the Buried and Me for being able to bring it to life with the same level of technical proficiency and liveliness that they had back in 2007. This was an incredibly special performance that I will cherish for the rest of my days. 

Scores:
Toothgrinder 8/10
Polyphia 8/10
The Contortionist 7.5/10
Between the Buried and Me 10/10

Setlists:
Toothgrinder:
The Shadow
The House (That Fear Built)
Futile
Phantom Amour 
Diamonds for Gold
Blue

Polyphia:
Euphoria
Loud
Champagne 
Goose
Icronic
Finale

The Contortionist:
Return to Earth
Flourish
Clairvoyant 
Reimagined 
Language I: Intuition 
Language II: Conspire 

Between the Buried and Me:
Foam Born A: The Backtrack
Foam Born B: The Decade Of Statues
Informal Gluttony
Sun of Nothing
Ants of the Sky
Prequel to the Sequel
Viridian
White Walls

Encore:
Mordecai  

Thursday, September 21, 2017

The Best and Worst of Halle Berry

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "Kingsman: The Golden Circle" star Halle Berry.

Films starring Halle Berry that I've seen:
The Last Boy Scout
The Flintstones
X-Men
Swordfish
Monster's Ball
Die Another Day
X2: X-Men United
Catwoman
Robots
X-Men: The Last Stand
New Year's Eve
Movie 43
The Call
X-Men: Days of Future Past
Kevin Hart: What Now?

Best Performance: Monster's Ball (2001)
Berry won the Academy Award for Best Actress for this role and after finally checking out Monster's Ball earlier this month, it's easy to see why. She's a vulnerable, show-stopping powerhouse as the widow of a recently-slain death row inmate (Sean Combs) who develops an unexpected bond with the corrections officer that oversaw her husband's execution (an equally great Billy Bob Thornton). It's kind of a shame that her Oscar win didn't result in her landing more dramatic roles because she absolutely has the chops for it. 

Worst Performance: Catwoman (2004)
This was a VERY easy decision. Berry's turn as the leather-clad crimefighter that possesses the magnificent attributes of a cat is an elite case of a performer stooping well below their talent level for a paycheck. Watching an Academy Award-winning actress meow in people's faces and be stirred into a frenzy over catnip is without question some of the most cringeworthy shit I've ever seen in a movie that was released theatrically. 

Best Film: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
In an era where cape-clad heroes dominate multiplexes pretty much year-round, X-Men: Days of Future Past has kind of gotten lost in the shuffle. It wasn't a megahit by superhero movie standards (it only grossed $233.9 mil in North America) and since the rights to the X-Men brand aren't owned by the Marvel mothership, Days of Future Past has essentially slide into a realm of obscurity. This stunning level of anonymity paired with its stunning ambition makes Days of Future Past an underappreciated gem in my eyes. Bryan Singer's return to the franchise he helped launch back in 2000 features the heavy volume of excellent performances, inventive action setpieces and intimate character moments that you seldom see from other films in this densely-populated genre. 

Worst Film: Catwoman (2004)
Over the years, I've discovered that the "worst movie of all-time" label often ends up working as a reverse hype train. A majority of the times that I've sat down to watch a film that has this dreaded label attached to it I've either found them to be not nearly as bad as advertised (Wild Wild West, Fifty Shades of Grey, Nine Lives) or ended up enjoying them (Freddy Got Fingered, The Room, That's My Boy). Catwoman marked one of the rare times where I felt that a film actually lived up to its horrific reputation. The level of incompetence on display in this Razzie-winning affair is almost impressive. Everything from the acting and writing down to the editing and camerawork feels like it was done by a group of people that failed out of film school after the first week. On top all of its glaring technical and creative deficiencies, Catwoman also happens to unfold at the pace of a snail marathon. While I've seen a dozen or so comparable piles of shit since it was released, Catwoman remains a very strong contender for the worst movie I've ever seen.

Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "Flatliners" star Ellen Page.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Concert Review: Thy Art is Murder-- Allston, MA-- September 19th, 2017

Lineup: Thy Art is Murder/Fallujah/Ghost Bath
Venue: Brighton Music Hall, Allston, MA
Date: September 19th, 2017

Ghost Bath: Tapping a melodic black metal act to fill the opening slot on a bill that features two of the more buzzed-about young death metal/core acts in the scene right now was a bold move by the promoter who booked this tour. While it was definitely a strange choice considering the musical styles and fanbases of their tourmates, Ghost Bath managed to be a tolerable opener that brought a nice dash of rawness to this otherwise polished, technical affair. Their reliance on repetitive  melodies/riffs caused them to get a little stale around the 20-25 minute mark of their set, but Ghost Bath was still pretty alright overall.

Fallujah: After voluntarily skipping their previous two Massachusetts shows with The Black Dahlia Murder and Between the Buried and Me/Devin Townsend, I finally got the chance to see Fallujah on the touring cycle for their latest album Dreamless. Since I'm an unapologetic fanboy of this band, this performance unsurprisingly filled me with a borderline sad level of joy. The setlist was damn near perfect (they legitimately played every single one of my favorite songs from Dreamless), their musicianship was flawless and above all, fill-in vocalist Monte Bernard (The Kennedy Veil, ex-Alterbeast) did an excellent job of capturing the tone of the band's material without mimicking former vocalist Alex Hoffmann's style. While Bernard's involvement with The Kennedy Veil makes it unlikely, I'd be completely cool with him becoming the permeant vocalist. I'm not going to pretend like I'm not very concerned about how this vocalist search will end up panning out, but for now, I'm just happy that they were able to put on a great live show without Hoffmann as their frontman. 

Thy Art is Murder: If you're looking for someone to blame for the resurgence and/or continued relevance of the deathcore movement in extreme metal, Australia's Thy Art is Murder should be the band you direct your anger at. How they were able to pull off the miraculous feat of reviving a genre that had pretty much died once genre leaders Suicide Silence and Whitechapel decided to take their music in new directions in the early 2010's becomes abundantly clear when you see them in a live setting. Their knack for establishing an atmosphere of pure, visceral devastation with their music is a gift that only a small number of bands in the scene right now possess. The Land Down Under's finest export since Crocodile Dundee backed up their terrific track record as a live act with yet another high-energy performance that showcased their ability to reduce a room into complete ruination.    

This hour-long headlining set combined the more straightforward death metal-inspired style they introduced on their newest album Dear Desolation-which was released last month-with a healthy amount of crowd-pleasing, breakdown-heavy favorites from their previous two LP's (2012's Hate and 2015's Holy War). Despite the slight stylistic differences between these releases, the band managed to compose a setlist that featured a majority of the most crushing tracks in their catalog, which sent the near sell-out crowd at the Brighton Music Hall into exactly the type of chaotic frenzy metalheads live for. Adding to the madness was the always imposing presence of vocalist C.J McMahon. McMahon, who recently re-joined the band after a year and a half away, was as sharp as ever vocally and did a great job of inciting the crowd without ever coming across as a hxC douchebag. While they'll never be among my personal favorites, Thy Art is Murder's live shows are always a ton of fun and do an excellent job of reaffirming why they've gained such a rabid following over the past six years.

Scores:
Ghost Bath 5/10
Fallujah 9/10
Thy Art is Murder 8/10

Setlists:
Fallujah:
Cerebral Hybridization
Adrenaline 
Abandon
Amber Gaze
Carved from Stone
Sapphire  
Scar Queen
Lacuna
The Void Alone

Thy Art is Murder:
Dear Desolation
Slaves Beyond Death
The Purest Strain of Hate
Shadow of Eternal Sin
Violent Reckoning
Emptiness
No Absolution
Absolute Genocide
The Son of Misery
Puppet Master
Coffin Dragger
Holy War
Light Bearer

Encore:
Reign of Darkness

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

2017 NFL Power Rankings: Week 3

()=Last week's ranking
1. (1) Kansas City Chiefs (2-0) Week 3 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers
2. (3) Pittsburgh Steelers (2-0) Week 3 opponent: Chicago Bears
3. (6) Atlanta Falcons (2-0) Week 3 opponent: Detroit Lions
4. (4) Oakland Raiders (2-0) Week 3 opponent: Washington Redskins
5. (7) New England Patriots (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Houston Texans
6. (10) Detroit Lions (2-0) Week 3 opponent: Atlanta Falcons
7. (17) Denver Broncos (2-0) Week 3 opponent: Buffalo Bills
8. (2) Green Bay Packers (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals
9. (11) Baltimore Ravens (2-0) Week 3 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars
10. (8) Seattle Seahawks (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Tennessee Titans
11. (5) Dallas Cowboys (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Arizona Cardinals
12. (13) Tennessee Titans (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Seattle Seahawks
13. (15) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-0) Week 3 opponent: Minnesota Vikings
14. (9) Minnesota Vikings (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
15. (16) Miami Dolphins (1-0) Week 3 opponent: New York Jets
16. (12) Philadelphia Eagles (1-1) Week 3 opponent: New York Giants
17. (18) Carolina Panthers (2-0) Week 3 opponent: New Orleans Saints
18. (19) Houston Texans (1-1) Week 3 opponent: New England Patriots
19. (24) Washington Redskins (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Oakland Raiders
20. (14) New York Giants (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles
21. (21) Los Angeles Rams (1-1) Week 3 opponent: San Francisco 49ers
22. (20) Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Baltimore Ravens
23. (26) Arizona Cardinals (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Dallas Cowboys
24. (22) New Orleans Saints (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Carolina Panthers
25. (23) Buffalo Bills (1-1) Week 3 opponent: Denver Broncos
26. (25) Los Angeles Chargers (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs
27. (27) Cincinnati Bengals (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Green Bay Packers
28. (30) Indianapolis Colts (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Cleveland Browns
29. (28) Chicago Bears (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers
30. (29) Cleveland Browns (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Indianapolis Colts
31. (31) San Francisco 49ers (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Los Angeles Rams
32. (32) New York Jets (0-2) Week 3 opponent: Miami Dolphins

Week 2 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers

Quarterback
MVP: Tom Brady (Patriots)
In a shocking twist, Tom Brady followed up an underwhelming game with an unreal one. Brady effortlessly carved up the Saints horrid defense at the Superdome on Sunday, scooping up 447 YDS and 3 TD's in the Patriots 1st lopsided win of 2017. With the JV Patriots (aka the Texans) headed to Gillette Stadium in Week 3, Brady should once again put up big numbers.
Honorable Mentions: Carson Wentz (Eagles), Drew Brees (Saints), Derek Carr (Raiders)

LVP: Jameis Winston (Buccaneers)
Jameis Winston's season debut didn't go exactly as planned from a fantasy standpoint. Thanks to the Bears 4 1st half turnovers, the Buccaneers ran a very conservative offense for the last 2 and a half quarters, which subsequently caused Winston to have a pretty quiet game (204 YDS, 1 TD). Winston will look to put up bigger numbers this week when he faces a Vikings defense that just surrendered 243 YDS and 2 TD's to Ben Roethlisberger.
Dishonorable Mentions: Kirk Cousins (Redskins), Cam Newton (Panthers), Matthew Stafford (Lions)

Running Back
MVP: C.J. Anderson (Broncos)
A running back took over the Broncos/Cowboys game on Sunday afternoon and it wasn't the one that people expected it to be. C.J. Anderson had one of the most impressive games of his career to-date as he shredded the Cowboys disorganized D for 154 total yards (118 rushing, 36 receiving) and 2 TD's on 28 touches. Anderson has looked pretty solid to start off 2017 and appears like he can be trusted as a weekly RB2.
Honorable Mentions: Todd Gurley (Rams), Ty Montgomery (Packers), Kareem Hunt (Chiefs)

LVP: Ezekiel Elliott (Cowboys) 
The league's reigning rushing champion looked mortal for the 1st time in almost a full year. While gameflow certainly didn't help, Ezekiel Elliott got eviscerated by the Broncos front 7, finishing with a career-low 22 yards (8 rushing, 14 receiving) on 13 touches. Zeke will remain in the RB1 conversation when the Cowboys square off against the Cardinals next Monday night.  
Dishonorable Mentions: Jordan Howard (Bears), DeMarco Murray (Titans), LeSean McCoy (Bills)

Wide Receiver
MVP: Michael Crabtree (Raiders) 
The Raiders resident touchdown vulture repeatedly swooped in for the kill against the Jets on Sunday. Michael Crabtree's 3 TD grabs capped off another solid performance (6 REC, 80 YDS) for the veteran wideout, whose career has been revitalized since joined the Silver and Black back in 2015. With his constant involvement in the passing attack and uncontested monopoly on the Raiders redzone targets, Crabtree is locked in as a high-end WR2.
Honorable Mentions: Emmanuel Sanders (Broncos), Davante Adams (Packers), Martavis Bryant (Steelers)

LVP: Amari Cooper (Raiders)
Not everyone can feast in a dream matchup and Amari Cooper ended up being the Raider who was left starving this week. The Jets defense held Cooper to just 4 receptions and 33 YDS receiving on an afternoon where they allowed 45 points and 410 total yards to the Raiders high-powered offense. Cooper has been susceptible to putting up duds in excellent matchups since he entered the league in 2015, so there's no reason to be concerned about his productivity at this point in time.   
Dishonorable Mentions: Odell Beckham Jr. (Giants), Larry Fitzgerald (Cardinals), Brandin Cooks (Patriots)

Tight End
MVP: Rob Gronkowski (Patriots)
The Rob Gronkowski that fantasy owners know and love was out in full force in Week 2. Gronkowski feasted on the slew of different defenders the Saints deployed to cover him, posting 116 YDS and a TD in 6 receptions. Gronk did miss the last few series of the game after suffering a groin injury early in the 4th quarter, but he currently appears to be set to suit up against the Texans this Sunday.
Honorable Mentions: Travis Kelce (Chiefs), Jason Witten (Cowboys), Delanie Walker (Titans)

LVP: Jimmy Graham (Seahawks)
For a 2nd straight week, Jimmy Graham was the biggest victim of the Seahawks anemic passing attack. Graham reeled in a single pass for 1 yard as porous offensive line play once again forced Russell Wilson to run for the hills 90% of the time he dropped back to pass. Unless the Seahawks can suddenly start giving Wilson more than 0.3 seconds to throw, Graham won't be worth starting in any league.
Dishonorable Mentions: Austin Hooper (Falcons), Julius Thomas (Dolphins), Kyle Rudolph (Vikings)

Defense/Special Teams
MVP: Baltimore Ravens
The Ravens defense made life hell for the Browns young offense, picking 3 sacks and 5 takeaways (4 INT, 1 FUM REC) in a dominant 24-10 win at M&T Bank Stadium. This unit has a strong chance of continuing their strong start when they travel to Londontown to face the Blake Bortles-led Jaguars in Week 3.
Honorable Mentions: Denver Broncos, Kansas City Chiefs, Arizona Cardinals

LVP: Jacksonville Jaguars
R.I.P. Sacksonville September 10, 2017-September 17, 2017. The Jaguars D came crashing back to Earth in week 2 after an unreal performance in the season opener, mustering a sack and an INT in a disastrous 37-16 loss to the Titans. The Jags will likely find a happy medium between their performances in the first 2 weeks of the season when they make their annual trip to jolly ol' England this week to face the Ravens, who have surrendered 3 sacks and turned the ball over 3 times in their first 2 games of 2017.
Dishonorable Mentions: Los Angeles Rams, Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots

Monday, September 18, 2017

Movie Review: Mother!

If any traces of doubt still existed about Darren Aronofsky's status as a certifiably insane individual, Mother! will undoubtedly erase them. The seventh film from the whacked-out filmmaker that has brought unsettling, psychologically-draining films like Black Swan and Requiem for a Dream into the world is a deranged, artsy nightmare that offers up ambition, lunacy and narrative incoherence in equal measures.

To say that Mother! is a difficult film to comprehend would be one hell of an understatement. Trying to decipher the message Aronofsky is conveying here is like trying to read a dense novel that's written in a language that you don't speak or understand. There are little things to latch onto here and there (especially during the bonkers climax), but attempting to put together all of the mismatching, allegorical puzzle pieces that are dropped during this two-hour stay in a secluded house of horrors is an exercise in futility that generates an endless string of questions with nothing that even resembles a logical answer. I already feel bad for the poor film analysis students that are going to be forced to try and make sense of this convoluted spectacle of unhinged arthouse filmmaking a few years down the line.

Mother! is too scattershot, pretentious and baffling for me to recommend yet too unique, strange and well-acted (Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem and Michelle Pfeiffer are the standouts in the impressive ensemble cast) to completely condemn. It's essentially a "make your own adventure film" for philosophy buffs that is designed to generate a strong visceral reaction and be discussed/debated for an extended period of time after viewing. I commend Aronofsky for continuing to have the balls to make films that go to such great lengths to challenge their audience, but for the first time since 2006's The Fountain, the master of mindfuckery failed to parlay his endless supply of envelope-pushing creativity into an unshakeable piece of art.     

2.5/5 Stars

Thursday, September 14, 2017

The Best and Worst of Domhnall Gleason

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "mother!" star Domhnall Gleason.

Films starring Domhnall Gleason that I've seen:
True Grit
Dredd
About Time
Calvary
Unbroken
Ex Machina
Brooklyn
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
The Revenant 

Best Performance: Ex Machina (2015)
Gleason has been one of the most active young actors in Hollywood over the past several years, but his turn in Alex Garland's endearing sc-fi mindfuck Ex Machina was the only time he really stood out to me. While his performance isn't quite up to the level of his co-stars Alicia Vikander and Oscar Issace, Gleason's mix of empathy and naivety makes his character's relationship with the film's robot protagonist (Vikander) feel very believable.

Worst Performance: About Time (2013)
The failure of this performance is more of an indictment of Richard Curtis' obnoxious, overly sentimental writing than Gleason's ability as an actor. Tim Lake is one of the most insufferable, manipulative, and whiney fake "nice guys" I've ever seen in a romantic comedy and even though it was inevitable given what type of move this is, the fact that this douchelord got to live happily ever after with the love of his life (or more accurately, the woman he had to repeatedly travel back in time and lie to in order to win over) made me want to vomit.

Best Film: True Grit (2010)
True Grit is essentially a 2-hour highlight reel of everything that's great about the Coen Brothers. The dialogue is sharp, the acting is outstanding, the cinematography is stunning and the storytelling is as vivid as a Diamond Head sunset. This is easily the best western to come out of Hollywood since Unforgiven as well the Coen's finest work of the 2010's to-date. 

Worst Film: Unbroken (2014)
Lou Zamperini deserved better than this steaming pile of shit. What should've been a remarkable, touching story of perseverance ended up being a molasses-paced series of contrived melodramatic set pieces that contained as much emotional resonance as an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. 

Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "Kingsman: The Golden Circle" star Halle Berry.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Week 1 Fantasy Football Winners and Losers

Quarterback:
MVP: Matthew Stafford (Lions) 
In a wonky week where little-owned guys topped the fantasy leaderboards (Alex Smith, Jared Goff, Sam Bradford), Matthew Stafford was the only longtime fixture of this beautiful fake game to deliver a stellar performance. The 29-year old justified the record-breaking $135 mil contract extension he received last month by shredding the Cardinals defense for 306 total YDS (292 passing, 14 rushing) and 4 TD's on Sunday afternoon. Even with his well-documented history of struggling against teams with winning records, Stafford should be a viable fantasy play most weeks.
Honorable Mentions: Carson Wentz (Eagles), Tyrod Taylor (Bills), Marcus Mariota (Titans)

LVP: Russell Wilson (Seahawks) 
Despite looking healthy for the 1st time in nearly a year, Russell Wilson put together a thoroughly underwhelming performance during the NFL's kickoff weekend. A combination of horrific offensive line play and a surprisingly effective Packers secondary that prevented the Seahawks WR's from getting separation for most of the day led to Wilson having a very quiet afternoon (208 total yards, 0 TD's and a lost fumble) at Lambeau Field. The Seahawks signal-caller has a decent shot of rebounding against the lowly 49ers in Week 2.
Dishonorable Mentions: Eli Manning (Giants), Tom Brady (Patriots), Kirk Cousins (Redskins)

Running Back:
MVP: Kareem Hunt (Chiefs)
Ladies and gentleman, the league's next headline-grabbing star might've been born in Week 1. The rookie recovered from a brutal fumble on his 1st-ever NFL carry in triumphant fashion by putting together a record-setting performance (246 total YDS and 3 TD on 22 touches) that helped the Chiefs pull off a massive upset victory over the Patriots last Thursday night. While he clearly won't put up insane numbers like this every week, Hunt should be a key cog in the Chiefs offense and a legit RB1 option all season long.
Honorable Mentions: Mike Gillislee (Patriots), Leonard Fournette (Jaguars), LeSean McCoy (Bills)

LVP: Le'Veon Bell (Steelers)
Le'Veon Bell's performance on Sunday should serve as a poignant cautionary tale for any player that's thinking about holding out of training camp for a new contract in the future. The Steelers star back looked sluggish and aloof as he mustered a sad 48 total yards (32 rushing, 16 receiving) on 13 touches against the Browns on Sunday. With the Vikings stalwart D traveling to Heinz Field this weekend, I wouldn't bank on Bell suddenly returning to form.
Dishonorable Mentions: Joe Mixon (Bengals), Paul Perkins (Giants), Ameer Abdullah (Lions)

Wide Receiver
MVP: Stefon Diggs (Vikings)
Stefon Diggs had the distinct pleasure of being the 1st receiver to steamroll the Saints hilariously inept secondary in 2017. The Vikings top WR picked up 93 YDS and 2 TD on 7 receptions in the Norsemen's impressive victory on Monday night. Diggs will be in the low-end WR2/high-end WR3 mix against the Steelers on the road in Week 2.
Honorable Mentions: Tyreek Hill (Chiefs), Antonio Brown (Steelers), Adam Thielen (Vikings)

LVP: Jamison Crowder (Redskins)
Jamison Crowder's bid to become a breakout star in 2017 hit a bit of a snag in Week 1. Pierre Garcon's projected replacement as the Redskins go-to underneath receiver was nothing short of abysmal against the Eagles, picking up 14 YDS and losing a fumble on just 3 receptions. Crowder and his cohorts on the Redskins offense will look to wash away their miserable home opener in a road bout with a thoroughly unpredictable Rams squad.
Dishonorable Mentions: Kelvin Benjamin (Panthers), Martavis Bryant (Steelers), Emmanuel Sanders (Broncos)

Tight End:
MVP: Austin Hooper (Falcons)
Austin Hooper made the most of his 2 receptions against the Bears on Sunday, posting 128 YDS and scoring what proved to be the game-winning 88-yard TD early in the 4th quarter. Even with this impressive line, Hooper still strikes me as a huge boom-or-bust play this season in the Falcons high-powered aerial attack.
Honorable Mentions: Jason Witten (Cowboys), Coby Fleener (Saints), Zach Ertz (Eagles)

LVP: Jimmy Graham (Seahawks)
You know shit was ugly at the TE position when Greg Olsen's 18-yard performance against the 49ers' god awful defense wasn't the biggest dud of the week. The debut of the new leaner, quicker version of Jimmy Graham was a complete disaster as the 30-year old Pro Bowler mustered an alarming 8 YDS on 3 receptions against the Packers shockingly stout passing defense. Like the rest of his offensive counterparts, Graham has a nice chance to redeem himself against the 49ers in Week 2.
Dishonorable Mentions: Greg Olsen (Panthers), Rob Gronkowski (Patriots), Jordan Reed (Redskins)

Defense/Special Teams:
MVP: Los Angeles Rams
The Wade Phillips-era in LA got off to one hell of a start as his group feasted on the Scott Tolzien-led Colts, picking up 4 sacks, 3 takeaways (2 INT's, 1 FUM REC), a safety and a pair of defensive scores in their huge 44-9 win on Sunday afternoon. We should get a more accurate gauge of what this defense is capable of when they take on Kirk Cousins and the Redskins, who are coming off a 4-turnover performance against the Eagles, in Week 2.
Honorable Mentions: Jacksonville Jaguars, Baltimore Ravens, Pittsburgh Steelers

LVP: Houston Texans
In a week that was stuffed to the brim with notable underperformers, the Texans D registering no sacks or takeaways against a Blake Bortles-led offense might've been the most stunning. This heavily-lauded group looked collectively flat in their home opener as they allowed 23 of the 29 total points the Jaguars scored in this shocking upset. There's too much talent spread throughout this group to write them off completely, but this is definitely not a good sign for their prospects in 2017.
Dishonorable Mentions: New England Patriots, New York Giants, Minnesota Vikings

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

2017 NFL Power Rankings: Week 2

()=previous week's ranking
1.(9) Kansas City Chiefs (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles
2.(4) Green Bay Packers (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Atlanta Falcons
3.(3) Pittsburgh Steelers (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Minnesota Vikings
4.(6) Oakland Raiders (1-0) Week 2 opponent: New York Jets
5.(8) Dallas Cowboys (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Denver Broncos
6.(2) Atlanta Falcons (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Green Bay Packers
7.(1) New England Patriots (0-1) Week 2 opponent: New Orleans Saints
8.(5) Seattle Seahawks (0-1) Week 2 opponent: San Francisco 49ers
9.(15) Minnesota Vikings (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers
10.(13) Detroit Lions (1-0) Week 2 opponent: New York Giants
11.(18) Baltimore Ravens (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Cleveland Browns
12.(19) Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs
13.(12) Tennessee Titans (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars
14.(7) New York Giants (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Detroit Lions
15.(11) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-0) Week 2 opponent: Chicago Bears
16.(14) Miami Dolphins (0-0) Week 2 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers
17.(16) Denver Broncos (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Dallas Cowboys
18.(22) Carolina Panthers (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Buffalo Bills
19.(10) Houston Texans (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals
20.(26) Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Tennessee Titans
21.(28) Los Angeles Rams (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Washington Redskins
22.(21) New Orleans Saints (0-1) Week 2 opponent: New England Patriots
23.(27) Buffalo Bills (1-0) Week 2 opponent: Carolina Panthers
24.(20) Washington Redskins (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Los Angeles Rams
25.(24) Los Angeles Chargers (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Miami Dolphins
26.(17) Arizona Cardinals (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Indianapolis Colts
27.(23) Cincinnati Bengals (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Houston Texans
28.(29) Chicago Bears (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
29.(30) Cleveland Browns (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Baltimore Ravens
30.(25) Indianapolis Colts (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Arizona Cardinals
31.(31) San Francisco 49ers (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Seattle Seahawks
32. (32) New York Jets (0-1) Week 2 opponent: Oakland Raiders

Friday, September 8, 2017

2017 NFL Prediction Extravaganza (Playoffs, Super Bowl, Year-End Awards, Etc.)

The NFL season got off to an unexpected start last night with the New England Patriots having their dreams of achieving a perfect season immediately crushed by the visiting Kansas City Chiefs. Despite their uncharacteristically sloppy start to 2017, I still fully expect Brady, Belichick and co. to be raising their 6th Lombardi Trophy come February. Below you'll find out who I expect the Pats to defeat on their latest championship journey as well a barrage of other predictions for this sure-to-be delightful season.

Playoffs:
AFC:
1.Patriots
2.Raiders
3.Steelers
4.Texans
5.Chiefs
6.Titans

Wild Card:
Steelers over Titans
Chiefs over Texans

Divisional Round:
Patriots over Chiefs
Raiders overs Steelers

Conference Championship:
Patriots over Raiders

NFC:
1.Packers
2.Seahawks
3.Giants
4.Buccaneers
5.Vikings
6.Eagles

Wild Card:
Giants over Eagles
Buccaneers over Vikings

Divisional Round:
Packers over Buccaneers
Giants over Seahawks

Conference Championship:
Giants over Packers

Super Bowl:
Patriots over Giants

Year-End Awards:
MVP: Aaron Rodgers (Packers)
Offensive Player of the Year: David Johnson (Cardinals)
Defensive Player of the Year: Khalil Mack (Raiders)
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Kareem Hunt (Chiefs)
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Solomon Thomas (49ers)
Comeback Player of the Year: Alshon Jeffrey (Eagles)
Coach of the Year: Dirk Koetter (Buccaneers)

League Leaders:
Passing YDS: Aaron Rodgers
Passing TD's: Aaron Rodgers
Rushing YDS: Kareem Hunt
Rushing TD's: David Johnson
Receiving YDS: Julio Jones
Receiving TD's: Antonio Brown
Receptions: Pierre Garcon
Sacks: Khalil Mack
Tackles: Bobby Wagner
INT's: Xavier Rhodes
Forced Fumbles: Bobby Wagner

Miscellaneous Predictions:
AFC Team Most Likely to Surprise: Nobody
AFC Team Most Likely to Disappoint: Baltimore Ravens
NFC Team Most Likely to Surprise: Philadelphia Eagles
NFC Team Most Likely to Disappoint: Atlanta Falcons

Top 10 Veterans That Need to Prove Themselves:
1.Blake Bortles, quarterback (Jaguars)
2.Ameer Abdullah, running back (Lions)
3.Kevin White, wide receiver (Bears)
4.Dante Fowler Jr., defensive end (Jaguars)
5.Ereck Flowers, tackle (Giants)
6.D.J. Humphries, tackle (Cardinals)
7.E.J. Gaines, cornerback (Bills)
8.Breshad Perriman, wide receiver (Ravens)
9.Bud Dupree, outside linebacker (Steelers)
10.Paul Richardson, wide receiver (Seahawks)

Top 10 Under-the Rader Rookies Most Likely to Make an Impact:
1.Dalvin Tomlinson, defensive tackle (Giants)
2.Tim Williams, outside linebacker (Ravens)
3.Jordan Willis, defensive end (Bengals)
4.Blair Brown, inside linebacker (Jaguars)
5.George Kittle, tight end (49ers)
6.Jourdan Lewis, cornerback (Cowboys)
7.Tanzel Smart, defensive end (Rams)
8.Tedric Thompson, safety (Seahawks)
9.Donnel Pumphery, running back (Eagles)
10.Chris Godwin, wide receiver (Buccaneers)

Thursday, September 7, 2017

2017 NFL Power Rankings: Week 1

1.New England Patriots Week 1 opponent: Kansas City Chiefs
2.Atlanta Falcons Week 1 opponent: Chicago Bears
3.Pittsburgh Steelers Week 1 opponent: Cleveland Browns
4.Green Bay Packers Week 1 opponent: Seattle Seahawks
5.Seattle Seahawks Week 1 opponent: Green Bay Packers
6.Oakland Raiders Week 1 opponent: Tennessee Titans 
7.New York Giants Week 1 opponent: Dallas Cowboys
8.Dallas Cowboys Week 1 opponent: New York Giants
9.Kansas City Chiefs Week 1 opponent: New England Patriots
10.Houston Texans Week 1 opponent: Jacksonville Jaguars
11.Tampa Bay Buccaneers Week 1 opponent: Bye Week
12.Tennessee Titans Week 1 opponent: Oakland Raiders
13.Detroit Lions Week 1 opponent: Arizona Cardinals
14.Miami Dolphins Week 1 opponent: Bye Week
15.Minnesota Vikings Week 1 opponent: New Orleans Saints
16.Denver Broncos Week 1 opponent: Los Angeles Chargers
17.Arizona Cardinals Week 1 opponent: Detroit Lions
18.Baltimore Ravens Week 1 opponent: Cincinnati Bengals
19.Philadelphia Eagles Week 1 opponent: Washington Redskins
20.Washington Redskins Week 1 opponent: Philadelphia Eagles
21.New Orleans Saints Week 1 opponent: Minnesota Vikings
22.Carolina Panthers Week 1 opponent: San Francisco 49ers
23.Cincinnati Bengals Week 1 opponent: Baltimore Ravens
24.Los Angeles Chargers Week 1 opponent: Denver Broncos
25.Indianapolis Colts Week 1 opponent: Los Angeles Rams
26.Jacksonville Jaguars Week 1 opponent: Houston Texans
27.Buffalo Bills Week 1 opponent: New York Jets
28.Los Angeles Rams Week 1 opponent: Indianapolis Colts
29.Chicago Bears Week 1 opponent: Atlanta Falcons
30.Cleveland Browns Week 1 opponent: Pittsburgh Steelers
31.San Francisco 49ers Week 1 opponent: Carolina Panthers
32.New York Jets Week 1 opponent: Buffalo Bills

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

2017 NFL Preview: NFC West

Arizona Cardinals
2016 Record: 7-8-1 (2nd in NFC West)
Head Coach: Bruce Arians (5th season)
Notable Additions: S Antonie Bethea, K Phil Dawson, ILB Karlos Dansby
Notable Departures: DT/DE Calias Campbell, S Tony Jefferson, G Evan Mathis (retired)
-Burgeoning star running back David Johnson avoided disaster last season when the ugly-looking knee injury he suffered in Week 17 against the Rams turned out to only be an MCL sprain. By avoiding a ligament tear in his knee, Johnson remains on track to potentially unseat Le'Veon Bell as the league's most deadly dual-threat running back in 2017. Johnson was borderline unstoppable during his 1st full season as Arizona's feature back (2,118 total YDS, 20 TD's on 373 touches) and with the lack of reliable wide receivers behind ageless wonder Larry Fitzgerald, Bruce Arians appears primed to feed him the ball at an even higher clip this season. While the suspect talent on the Cardinals offensive line is going to make it that much more difficult to achieve, Johnson has the physical tools and guaranteed heavy volume of touches to have a legitimate shot at breaking former teammate Chris Johnson's single-season total yards from scrimmage record (2,509).

-Carson Palmer was reportedly very close to retiring this offseason and with the shaky collection of characters that the Cardinals are tasking with protecting him, he's probably going to wish he did. Palmer got absolutely eviscerated last season (40 sacks, tied for 25th most in the league) and with 4 of 5 starters from that ragtag group (D.J. Humphries, A.Q. Shipley, Mike Iupati, Jared Veldheer) returning in 2017, the odds of him getting constantly lit the fuck up remain very high. While he did manage to stay healthy for the most part last season (he missed 1 game with a concussion), putting a nearly 38-year old quarterback with a checkered injury history behind an unstable offensive line is a disaster waiting to happen. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Drew Stanton was under center by the midway point of the season.

-While there's no denying that the Cardinals still have some excellent players on defense (Patrick Peterson, Chandler Jones, Tyrann Mathieau, Markus Golden), the losses they suffered this offseason were monumental. Calias Campbell is one of the league's most well-rounded, versatile defensive lineman, Tony Jefferson is an elite run-stuffing safety that is still a year or so removed from entering his prime and cornerback Marcus Cooper was the team-leader in interceptions a year ago (4). What makes these losses even more disconcerting is who the team has lined up to replace this trio of veteran starters. Defensive tackle/defensive end Robert Nkemdiche was invisible during his rookie season in 2016, safety Antonie Bethea is a merely competent player that just turned 33 and while Cooper was below average on the whole, special teams maven Justin Bethel is a significant downgrade at the corner position. The strength of this defense played a large role in helping this achieve a.500 record a season ago, but they might end up being their undoing this year.

Bottom Line:
While they have their faire share of elite players, the Cardinals don't appear to be deep or talented enough on either side of the ball to escape the bowels of mediocrity in 2017. 

Los Angeles Rams
2016 Record: 4-12 (3rd in NFC West)
Head Coach: Sean McVay (1st season)
Notable Additions: WR Sammy Watkins, T Andrew Whitworth, OLB Connor Barwin
Notable Departures: DE William Hayes, WR Kenny Britt, CB E.J. Gaines

-Jared Goff's struggles as a rookie are well-documented. The top overall pick in the 2016 NFL Draft lost all 7 games he appeared in last season and looked wildly uncomfortable running a pro-style offense. While it's reasonable to not have a lot of long-term optimism towards a quarterback that only completed 54.6%  of his passes and threw a paltry 5 TD's during his rookie season, new head coach Sean McVay could very well end up being the savior Goff needs to avoid being the next high-profile bust. McVay did an excellent job in aiding the development of Kirk Cousins during his 3 seasons as the Redskins offensive coordinator following his rough first 2 seasons in the league under the tutelage of Kyle Shanahan (although Cousins never struggled to the extent that Goff did last season). Getting Goff comfortable with the speed and complexity of a professional offense is going to be a very difficult task for the 31-year old to pull off in his inaugural season as an NFL head coach, but given the small sample size of the preseason, the young QB appears to be responding well to the Boy Wonder's system.

-Aaron Donald's decision to holdout for a new deal is the rare situation in the NFL that can be dubbed a lose-lose. It puts the front office in a situation where they either have to play hardball and risk upsetting one of their most valuable assets or give up their negotiating leverage when they're trying to work out new deals with other players while Donald looks selfish for voluntarily sitting out games when his presence is essential to the team's (limited) success. I expect this stalemate to conclude with a massive extension within the next 2-3 weeks because this weak Rams squad can't afford to have their best player spend a large portion of the season sitting on his couch or piss him off to the point where he walks when his contract expires at the end of next season.

-A gift arrived from the heavens about a month ago when the Rams were able to acquire WR Sammy Watkins in the Bills"take our assets in exchange for non 1st-round draft picks and mediocre veterans " tank-a-palooza giveaway. While Watkins' durability is a well-known concern around the league, there's no denying that he's an electric playmaker when he's on the field and gives the Rams the potential legit #1 receiver they've lacked since the days of "The Greatest Show on Turf". Adding a dynamic downfield threat to this young offense could potentially give Goff the go-to-guy he needs to progress as a QB.

-Running back Todd Gurley was the king of the football world in 2015. He posted an impressive 1,106 YDS and 10 TD's in just 12 starts and went onto win Offensive Rookie of the Year by a wide margin. The buzz that swirled around him like an enraged swarm of bees fizzled out after an underwhelming 2016 campaign where he only scored 6 TD's and averaged a god awful 3.2 yards per carry. 2017 should provide some clarity on what caliber player Gurley truly is. On the plus side, the addition of top-tier left tackle Andrew Whitworth should free up some rushing lanes that simply weren't there a season ago. However, there were no other major changes to the o-line (new center John Sullivan is coming off a terrible season with the Redskins) and if Goff continues to falter, opposing defenses will just stack the hell out of the box and make it incredibly difficult for Gurley to get back to the line of scrimmage for a 2nd straight season. The Rams are already in a rough spot on the offensive side of the ball and if Gurley can't regularly rip off the powerful, highlight-worthy runs that made him a sensation as a rookie, they're more than likely going to be among the league's worst teams for the foreseeable future.

-While the Jeff Fisher-era was defined by consistent mediocrity, their defenses were generally very good throughout his tenure. That being said, their stock suddenly dropped off a cliff during the final year of his regime with the team finishing 23rd in scoring defense (down from 13th in 2015). Longtime defensive coordinator/depraved fuckhead Gregg Williams was also let go at the end of last season, so it's going to be up to Wade Phillips to pick up the pieces and return this once-feared defense to elite form. Phillips is fresh off a 2-year stint in Denver where he oversaw a top-5 scoring defense (4th in the league during both seasons) and transformed their pass-rush into one of the most feared in the league, so there's a reasonable amount of optimism surrounding the start of his tenure in LA. The only reason for concern is that the talent level isn't even a third as good as what he had with the Broncos. Donald is the only truly game-changing piece on this unit and their lackluster group of pass-rushers (Connor Barwin, Robert Quinn, Ethan Westbrooks, rookie Samson Ebukam) could stunt the effectiveness of Phillips' blitz-happy scheme. Phillips' track record is as good as any defensive coordinator currently working in the league, but the 70-year old is going to have to work some serious magic to ensure this group thrives this season.

Bottom Line:
Unless Sean McVay, Wade Phillips and the rest of the coaching staff can pull off a series of unfathomable miracles with this less-than-stellar roster, the Rams are going to be a bottom 5-8 team in the league this season.

San Francisco 49ers
2016 Record: 2-14 (4th in NFC West)
Head Coach: Kyle Shanahan (1st season)
Notable Additions: WR Pierre Garcon, QB Brian Hoyer, DT Earl Mitchell
Notable Departures: QB Colin Kaepernick, WR Torrey Smith, S Antonie Bethea
-Owner Jed York once again flexed his tyrannical muscles by firing his head coach for a 3rd straight season (RIP to Chip Kelly's NFL-head coaching career) and finally putting general manager Trent Baalke out of his misery after a tumultuous 6-year tenure with the team. In true York-era 49ers fashion, the team's latest rebuilding effort appears to be as promising as the upcoming reboot of the Saw franchise. Spearheading this new 49ers regime will be head coach/offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan, who is fresh off blowing a Super Bowl that shouldn't have been possible to lose with his idiotic playcalling, and general manager John Lynch, who prior to this gig was filling the obligatory role of "former player providing terrible color commentary" on Fox's second-tier game broadcasts every Sunday. A head coach that has created problems just about everywhere he's been during his 8 seasons as a high-ranking assistant in the league and a general manager with no previous experience in an NFL front office teaming up in a place that's been overrun by internal dysfunction in recent years surely won't end poorly.

-The skepticism towards Lynch's fitness to be a GM only intensified once free agency hit. He spent his inaugural free-agency period handing out multi-year contracts to questionable veteran talent (stopgap quarterback extraordinaire Brian Hoyer, average defensive tackle Earl Mitchell, disgraced former Super Bowl MVP Malcolm Smith-who will miss the entire season with a torn pectoral muscle) and getting laughed at by his peers after he made ex-Raven Kyle Juzczyk the highest-paid fullback in NFL history (4 years/$21 mil/$9.5 mil guaranteed). Even with the abundance of cap space they had at their disposal, adding this many weak (or in the case of Juzczyk, scheme-limited) veteran players to a corps that had just about no talent to begin with is a head-scratching move that seems to indicate that Lynch has nothing that even resembles a plan for the future. While it's clearly too early to make a definitive ruling on Lynch's proficiency as a GM, this puzzling free agent haul definitely doesn't do anything to indicate that he's the next John Elway or Ozzie Newsome.

-As much as I've shat on a majority of Lynch's personnel moves thus far, he deserves credit for drafting defensive end Solomon Thomas at #3. The 49ers have been looking for a game-changing defensive players since all of their top-tier talents (Patrick Willis, Justin Smith, Chris Borland, Aldon Smith) retired or got released prior to the 2015 season and Thomas could very well be that guy. His dominant college tape and laundry list of impressive intangibles (speed, versatility, strength, athleticism, instincts) make him a prime candidate to be a top-notch line-of-scrimmage disruptor in the NFL. If Thomas can pick up enough playing time season and make the type of impact he made during his time at Stanford, he should be able to lock up Defensive Rookie of the Year.

-The only guy on the roster that should be looking forward to playing in a Brian Hoyer-led offense is Pierre Garcon. Garcon thrives as an underneath receiver and considering Hoyer would rather take a sack on every play than throw the ball more than 7 yards downfield, he's going to get peppered with targets every time he's in the lineup. In other words, Garcon and Hoyer are a match made in conservative, limp-dick football heaven.

Bottom Line:
The 49ers are without question the strongest contenders to challenge the Jets for the title of worst team in the NFL this season.

Seattle Seahawks
2016 Record: 10-5-1 (1st in NFC West)
Head Coach: Pete Carroll (8th season)
Notable Additions: DE Sheldon Richardson, K Blair Walsh, RB Eddie Lacy
Notable Departures: K Steven Hauschka, T Garry Gilliam, WR Jermaine Kearse

-John Schneider's surprise acquisition of defensive end/tackle Sheldon Richardson from the Jets last week could end up being a game-changing move for both parties. The former Defensive Rookie of the Year/Pro Bowler went from entering his contract year in a position where he was pretty much doomed to fail to being thrust into one of the most ideal situations possible in a matter of a few hours. The Seahawks have a tendency of unlocking the talents of guys who are considered to be washed-up and putting him alongside beloved veteran leaders like Michael Bennett and Cliff Avril should have a positive effect on his notoriously erratic mental state. Not only does this change in scenery give Richardson the best chance of righting the ship after his largely underwhelming play in each of the last 2 seasons, but adding someone with his upside and versatility to the defensive line rotation makes this already loaded front 7 that much scarier. If Richardson can re-discover his gift for wreaking havoc at the line of scrimmage in the Pacific Northwest, he should emerge as a strong contender for Comeback Player of the Year.

-The pair of 50+ yard dingers he hit against his former team in the preseason was all I needed to be convinced that disgraced kicker Blair Walsh is going to bounce back with Seattle. The 27-year old was one of the best kickers in the league before the shanked 27-yard field goal heard 'round the world ruined his confidence and got him axed from the Vikings last November. With some time away from the game to clear his head and a prime opportunity to redeem himself with the team he faced on that fateful, miserable January day in Minneapolis, Walsh look like he's ready to return to the league's elite kicking ranks. Walsh thriving with the team that almost ruined his career would be Rudy-esque story that would inspire the hell out of all 12 aspiring kickers that are currently out in the world.

-The Seahawks long-term fatal flaw has been on the offensive line. A combination of John Schneider whiffing on draft picks and refusing to invest any substantial amount of money to make improvement in free agency has led to a group that perennially ranks among the worst in the league. This problem has managed to get even worse since they traded talented center Max Unger to the Saints prior to the start of the 2015 season and unless the new blood ends up breaking this vicious cycle of incompetence, 2017 is looking like its going to be another really rough year for their o-line. Once you get past underrated center Justin Britt, this group is pretty much hopeless. Right tackle Germain Ifedi is coming off a nightmarish rookie season where he was frequently overwhelmed in both the rushing and passing games, Rees Odhiambo was just thrust into the starting left tackle spot after George Fant went down with a torn ACL in the 3rd preseason game, prolific draft bust and new starting right guard Luke Joeckel couldn't retain employment with the Jaguars, and despite being arguably better than the rest of his linemates not named Britt, left guard Mark Glowinski is still well below average at his peak. Thank Christ Russell Wilson can run because otherwise this group would be allowing at least 60 sacks this year.

-For a 2nd straight year, the Seahawks backfield is relatively unsettled heading into the season. Thomas Rawls appears to be atop the committee for now, but if he looks anything like he did last season, that'll change very fast. Unfortunately for the Seahawks, the options behind Rawls are just as, if not more risky. Free-agent pickup Eddie Lacy went from presumed starter to potential 3rd-stringer after yet another underwhelming training camp/preseason while 2nd-year back C.J. Prosise has flashed serious potential as a receiver out of the backfield, but always seems to be dinged up (he's currently sidelined with a groin injury and missed 11 games last year with multiple separate ailments). A strong running game was an integral part of both the Seahawks recent Super Bowl appearances, but unless Rawls can run with the same ferocity he displayed as a rookie or Lacy can revert back to his early glory days with the Packers, they'll be a lock to finish near the bottom of the league in rushing yards for a 2nd straight season.

Bottom Line:
Even with their hairiest roster situation since 2011, the Seahawks should be able to cruise to another NFC West title in 2017.

 Projected Standings
1.Seattle Seahawks (10-6)
2.Arizona Cardinals (7-9)
3.Los Angeles Rams (5-11)
4.San Francisco 49ers (3-13)

Monday, September 4, 2017

The Best and Worst of Michael Sheen

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "Home Again" star Michael Sheen.

Films starring Michael Sheen that I've seen:
Underworld
Underworld: Evolution
Blood Diamond

Frost/Nixon
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Tron: Legacy
Midnight in Paris
Kill the Messenger
Nocturnal Animals
Passengers

Best Performance: Frost/Nixon (2008)
After first gaining some notoriety as one of the leads in the B-action/horror franchise Underworld, Sheen took his career to the next level with his phenomenal performance in Frost/Nixon. In a truly stunning portrayal, the British actor is able to capture the determination, attention to detail and unwavering resolve that made David Frost one of the most respected journalists of the 20th century.

Worst Performance: Tron: Legacy (2010)
I don't remember a ton of specifics about Sheen's role in Tron: Legacy, but I know that his character resembled David Bowie, acted like he had come out of a zany Tim Burton movie and was absolutely  insufferable.

Best Film: Kill the Messenger (2014)
Every movie nerd has a group of films that they feel are underappreciated and will champion ad naseum whenever the opportunity arises. Michael Cuesta's fact-based political drama/thriller Kill the Messenger is near the top of that sacred list of recent films for me. Kill the Messenger focuses on the little-known story of how journalist Gary Webb (Jeremy Renner) discovered (and exposed via a three-part piece in the San Jose Mercury News) the Regan administration's role in smuggling cocaine into the United States to help fund Nicaraguan Contra rebels in their war against their tyrannical government. The film does an excellent job of detailing every angle of the secret government operation as well as the subsequent effect publishing the story had on Webb's career/personal life and Renner's performance is an endearing powerhouse that keeps you glued to the screen throughout.  

Worst Film: Tron: Legacy (2010)
Any movie that manages to get a bad performance out of the divine acting being that is Jeff Bridges and makes a fucking Beyblade cartoon look like the pinnacle of entertainment is a special kind of shit. Tron: Legacy set a new bar for stupidity, lifeless acting and overall tedium in blockbusters that has only been topped a handful of times in the nearly seven years since it was released.

Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "mother!" star Domhnall Gleason.

Friday, September 1, 2017

2017 NFL Preview: NFC South

Atlanta Falcons
2016 Record: 11-5 (1st in NFC South)
Head Coach: Dan Quinn (3rd season)
Notable Additions: DT Dontari Poe, DE Jack Crawford, WR Andre Roberts
Notable Departures: ILB Paul Worrilow, OLB Dwight Freeney, G Chris Chester (retired)
-This season is going to the ultimate test of resiliency for the Falcons. Super Bowl losses have a way of carrying over into the following season and given their historic 25-point collapse against the Patriots, the Dirty Birds appear to be even more susceptible to suffering a "Super Bowl hangover". The pettiness some of their players have shown with their offseason comments regarding their god awful 2nd-half performance that opened the door for the Patriots unlikely rally makes me question their level of focus going into the 2017 season, so it's going to be up to the team's veteran leaders (Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Andy Levitre, Desmond Trufant) and head coach Dan Quinn to get this team back on track mentally after such a devastating loss.

-After a season in which he oversaw the top scoring offense in football (33.8 points per game) and subsequently helped Matt Ryan pick up MVP honors for the 1st time in his career, veteran offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan finally defeated his white whale by capturing his 1st-ever NFL head coaching job with the 49ers. Outside of his moronic, overaggressive 2nd half playcalling (calling 3 running plays after taking a 25-point lead is astonishingly stupid) that was at least 95% responsible for their historic Super Bowl collapse, Shanahan did an excellent job running this offense during his 2 years with the Falcons and the level of excitement his uptempo scheme delivered almost every week will be sorely missed in Hotlanta. In a bit of a surprise move, the Falcons tapped former USC head coach Steve Sarkisian as Shanahan's replacement. While he's enjoyed some success at the college level, Sarkisian has only had 1 NFL job prior to this one (QB coach for the Raiders in 2004) and has yet to call a play in a meaningful game as an offensive coordinator. The hiring of an inexperienced coach for a vital role adds another element of uncertainty to a team that is already on shaky ground as they try to regroup from one of the most emotionally-damaging losses in the history of professional sports.    

-While their offense is still among the most talent-loaded in the league, a number of question marks still exist throughout their defense. Outside of a couple small pieces (swamping out Dwight Freeney for rookie Takk McKinnley and retired defensive tackle Jonathan Babineaux for free agent pickup Dontari Poe) this is essentially the same personnel that were responsible for their 27th overall finish in scoring defense (25.4 points per game) a season ago. With Freeney gone, their pass-rush outside of 2016 breakout performer Vic Beasley Jr. is questionable at best and unless Poe can suddenly return to his Pro Bowl form of 2013 and 2014, there's no reason to believe this run defense will make any notable strides this season. The emergence of another pass-rusher alongside Beasley Jr and sizable growth from the members of last year's promising rookie class (safety Keanu Neal, inside linebacker Deion Jones, Brian Poole) could lead to a surprisingly productive year for this group, but new defensive coordinator Marquand Manuel will more than likely have a rough time trying to get this group to slow down a majority of the opposing offenses they face this season.

Bottom Line:
Unless this mostly young roster can display a tremendous amount of mental strength that hasn't emerged thus far, the pain from their Super Bowl meltdown will carry into this season and derail the Falcons shot of defending their NFC title.

Carolina Panthers
2016 Record: 6-10 (4th in NFC South)
Head Coach: Ron Rivera (7th season)
Notable Additions: CB Captain Munnerlyn, T Matt Kalil, DE Julius Peppers
Notable Departures: OLB A.J. Klein, T Mike Remmers, S Tre Boston

-Cam Newton had by far the worst year of his career in 2016, scoring an uninspiring 24 total TD's (down from 45 during his MVP season in 2015), completing just 52.9% of his passes and rushing for a career-low 359 YDS. Newton's underwhelming play was largely attributed to playing through injuries for much of the season, which proved to be true when the team announced that he was undergoing surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff in his throwing shoulder in late March. As the 2017 season approaches, a plethora of questions  have emerged surrounding the 28-year old quarterback's ability and/or willingness to alter his game following this major surgery. Head coach Ron Rivera and offensive coordinator Mike Shula have publicly stated throughout the offseason that they want to limit how much Newton runs the ball, which is problematic for a quarterback that has risen to the elite ranks in large part due to his rushing ability. As crazy as it sounds, I completely understand the coaching staff's desire to try and preserve Newton by limiting how much he runs with the ball in the open field. A willingness to sacrifice his physical well-being in order to make splash plays with his legs has been a hallmark of his game throughout his collegiate and professional career, but taking that kind of beating on a weekly basis crushes your body when once you hit 30 (see Ben Roethlisberger), and the Panthers don't want to see their franchise QB deteriorate within the next 2-3 seasons. As talented as the Panthers are on defense, they're only going to go far as Newton takes them and if he can't adapt to being a more pass-centric QB or suffers another substantial injury this season, they will be in deep shit moving forward.

-The Panthers doubled-down on their commitment to protect Newton's long-term health by selecting running back Christian McCaffery with the 8th overall pick in this year's draft. While it remains unclear just how much he'll be utilized as a rookie, McCaffery is a dynamic prospect that is more than capable of becoming an electric, every-down playmaking back in the NFL. I'm expecting him to be primarily used as a pass-catcher out of the backfield early in the season and if he can make enough of an impact in a limited role, he should be able to unseat Jonathan Stewart as the starter at some point before the end of the season.

-Another year, another lengthy series of questions about the Panthers receiving corps. Outside of star tight end Greg Olsen, the team doesn't have another reliable performer among their ranks. Newly-acquired Russell Shepard primarily contributes on special teams, rookie Curtis Samuel is a converted running back who ran a limited route tree while he was at Ohio State and despite a nice collection of highlight-reel plays, top wideout Kelvin Benjamin has shown shaky hands and an unfortunate tendency to disappear in critical moments since he entered the league in 2014. I think Benjamin will improve this season after an especially erratic 2016 where was hampered by timing issues after missing all of 2015 with a torn ACL, but I'd be be pretty surprised if any other receiver that's currently on this roster ended up making plays on a regular basis.

-The return of Captain Munnerlyn after a 3-year stint with the Vikings should have a very positive effect on this young secondary. While they were able to get surprisingly solid seasons out of rookies James Bradberry and Daryl Worley a year ago, Munnerlyn gives this corner group the reliable veteran glue guy that they sorely lacked once they unceremoniously severed ties with Josh Norman last offseason. Munnerlyn also marks a huge improvement over Zach Sanchez, the lone Panthers rookie who torched consistently last year, as a slot corner. If Worley and Bradberry can keep up their strong play from 2016 and their old-ass safeties (Kurt Coleman and Mike Adams, who came over from the Colts in free agency) don't spontaneously combust on the field, this pass-defense should be able to greatly improve upon their 29th-ranking from 2016.

Bottom Line:
If Cam Newton can return to form and this defense doesn't suddenly implode after the departure of long-time defensive coordinator Sean McDermott, the Panthers could be in contention for a playoff spot.

New Orleans Saints
2016 Record: 7-9 (3rd in NFC South)
Head Coach: Sean Payton (11th season)
Notable Additions: RB Adrian Peterson, G Larry Warford, OLB A.J Klein 
Notable Departures: WR Brandin Cooks, G Jahri Evans, RB Tim Hightower
-With their decision to trade Brandin Cooks after a 2nd consecutive 1,100+-yard season in 2016, the Saints displayed a ton of faith in the rest of their young receiving corps. While the savviness of the choice to move an (almost) 24-year old wideout that has flashed ample ability as a vertical threat during his 1st 3 seasons in the NFL is up for debate, it's hard to look at their depth chart and be pessimistic about the talent pool they still have on the roster. Michael Thomas had a sensational rookie season in 2016 (92 REC, 1,1137 YDS, 9 TD's) where he flashed legit top receiver potential , Willie Snead has been a steadily productive presence in the passing game as the team's #3 receiving option over the past 2 seasons and despite his limited playing time over the past 2 seasons, Brandon Coleman has the size and vertical to blossom into a legit redzone threat. With expanded roles on the horizon and a 38-year old quarterback Drew Brees currently showing no signs of regression leading the charge, all of these guys should post even better numbers in 2017 (especially Snead, who is entering a contract year). Cooks will undoubtedly post good numbers and get some championship hardware with the Patriots, but it's entirely conceivable that at least one of these guys ends up becoming a better overall player somewhere down the line.

-The segment of the fanbase that believes that 2007-12 Adrian Peterson is going to suddenly resurface in NOLA are straight-up cooked. At 32 years old, a physical runner like Peterson merely isn't equipped to handle the workload of an every-down back anymore. Plus putting him in a prominent role over a pair of younger, more versatile options (incumbent starter Mark Ingram and rookie Alvin Kamara) following a season in which he missed 13 games with a torn meniscus and looked horrible when was on-the-field would make absolutely no fucking sense for a team has plenty of depth at RB. Expecting Peterson to be anything more than an effective short-yardage, change-of-pace back at this juncture of his career would be unrealistic, laughable and flat-out insane.

-Mickey Loomis and Sean Payton received a gift from the gridiron gods when cornerback Marshon Lattimore fell into their laps at #11 overall in this year's draft. Lattimore's combination of fluid footwork, patience on routes, freak athleticism and strong ball skills made him the most complete corner prospect in this year's draft, and a potentially massive steal outside of the top 10. If Lattimore ends up delivering on his tremendous upside by evolving into a shutdown corner at the professional level, the Saints preposterously long #1 cornerback dry spell could finally be over.

-Unfortunately, once you get past Lattimore's potentially bright future and criminally underrated defensive end Cameron Jordan,  this is a vintage Saints trash heap defense. It doesn't seem to matter who's in charge of the scheme or how many new starters they bring in via the draft or free agency every year, they just can't seem to field a defense that's competent, let alone good for more than a year at a time during the Loomis/Payton-era. The latest ingenious roster-building scheme concocted by the Loomis/Payton braintrust was to sever ties with their entrenched starters (Jarius Byrd, James Laurinitis, Dannell Ellerbe) in favor of rolling out the guys who weren't good enough to take the field last year (Vonn Bell, Craig Robertson, Nate Stupar). Given the organization's track record when it comes to assessing young talent and putting together a defensive gameplan, I'm sure this strategy will prove to be very rewarding. Their attempts to "improve" by injecting some new blood into this rotation weren't much better as they used their limited cap flexibility to bring in a sad crop of free agents headlined by edge rusher Alex Okafor, inside linebacker Manti Te'o and outside linebacker A.J. Klein. Okafor hasn't done much of anything since he picked up 8 sacks in 2014, Te'o has been one of the worst inside linebackers in the league since he got drafted in 2013 and Klein was a merely decent player during his tenure with the Panthers that will is pretty much bound to regress without Luke Kuechly and Thomas Davis playing alongside him. Anything above a bottom-3 finish in scoring defense and total yards allowed would be a pleasant surprise for this sorry-ass group.

Bottom Line:
History will repeat itself as the Saints offensive firepower will be undone by their almost impressive level of defensive ineptitude and force them to miss the playoffs for the 5th time in the last 6 seasons.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
2016 Record: 9-7 (2nd in NFC South)
Head Coach: Dirk Koetter (2nd season)
Notable Additions: WR DeSean Jackson, DE/DT Chris Baker, S T.J. Ward
Notable Departures: QB Mike Glennon, S Bradley McDougald, K Roberto Aguayo
-Expectations are high for the Buccaneers going into 2017 and rightfully so. They've got a blossoming franchise quarterback heading into his 3rd season in the league, a #1 wideout in Mike Evans that is an absolute bitch to cover 1-on-1 or bring down in the open field and a solid defense that has a nice mix of veteran standouts (Gerald McCoy, Lavonte David, Brent Grimes) and exciting young talent (Noah Spence, Vernon Hargreaves, Kwon Alexander). Don't be surprised if this team ends up going on a deep playoff run this season.

-Winston has silenced some of his critics last season by becoming the 1st QB in NFL history to throw for 4,000+ yards in their first 2 seasons in the league and leading the Bucs to their 1st winning season since 2010. In 2017, he has the potential to shut even more of them up by making the leap from up-and-coming young quarterback to legit NFL star. The addition of veteran speedster DeSean Jackson to the fold gives him a perfect downfield complement to Mike Evans as well as the talented #2 receiver he's lacked since he arrived in Tampa, he's now fully comfortable in Dirk Koetter's system and above all, he's shown a level of maturity on-and-off-the-field that indicates he's on the cusp of taking the league by storm. The gunslinging mentality that results him in forcing passes from time to time is probably never going to go away, but even with that back-breaking flaw, I still expect to morph into an undeniable top-tier quarterback this season.

-This complete lack of faith in Doug Martin's ability to get back on track following a rough 2016 campaign where he missed time with a hamstring injury, picked up a 4-game suspension after testing positive for Adderall (the suspension came down during Week 17, so he'll miss the 1st 3 games of this season) and looked like absolute balls in the 8 games he was actually on the field (421 YDS and 3 TD's on 144 carries) suggests that he'll end up having a phenomenal season in 2017. Both of the great seasons the running back formerly known as The Muscle Hamster has had during his NFL career so far (2012, 2015) came when no one expected him to succeed and following his disastrous 2016, this season absolutely falls in that camp. After getting $15 mil in guaranteed money from his contract voided due to his suspension and facing the legitimate threat of losing his starting job to talented backup Jaquizz Rodgers, he's got a huge incentive to rip shit up this season. If history repeats itself, Martin should firmly take over this backfield committee once he returns to the lineup in week 4 and shock the legions of doubters he's attracted before immediately regressing once again in 2018.

-The lone area of serious concern I have with this team is the offensive line. While their run blocking was generally decent, their weak pass-protection resulted in Winston getting sacked 35 times last season. The same 5 guys (Donovan Smith, Demar Dotson, J.R. Sweezy, Kevin Pamphile and Ali Marpet) that were tasked with protecting Winston in 2016 are currently projected to be starting again this season and with the exception of 3rd-year center Marpet, none of them are good enough to be relied on to protect a franchise QB for 16 games. If this group's consistently poor pass-blocking results in Winston getting hurt and newly-minted backup Ryan Fitzpatrick being forced to take the helm, the Bucs playoff dreams will be crushed instantaneously.

-I'd like to personally thank every member of this organization for restoring my faith and general interest in HBO's Hard Knocks after last season's abysmal stint with the LA Rams. The high volume of lively personalities on this roster (Gerald McCoy, Chris Baker, Mike Evans) and Jameis Winston's immense likability has easily made this season the most entertaining installment of the popular documentary series since the infamous 2010 edition with the Rex Ryan-lead Jets.

Bottom Line:
If they can play up to their off-the-charts potential, the Buccaneers should be the breakout team of 2017 and run away with the NFC South title.

Projected Standings
1.Tampa Bay Buccaneers (11-5)
2.Carolina Panthers (8-8)
3.Atlanta Falcons (7-9)
4.New Orleans Saints (6-10)