Tom Holland Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Tom Holland-whose latest project "Spider-Man: Brand New Day" opens in theaters today. 

Tom Holland's Filmography Ranked:

15.Chaos Walking (D)

14.Onward (C)

13.Uncharted (B-)

12.In the Heart of the Sea (B)

11.Spider-Man: Far from Home (B)

10.Spies in Disguise (B)

9.Captain America: Civil War (B)

8.Locke (B)

7.The Devil All the Time (B)

6.Spider-Man: No Way Home (B)

5.Spider-Man: Homecoming (B+)

4.The Impossible (B+)

3.The Odyssey (B+)

2.Avengers: Endgame (A-)

1.Avengers: Infinity War (A)

Top Dog: Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

The most obvious challenge surrounding Avengers: Doomsday is trying to figure out how to fit dozens of characters from Marvel's cinematic past, present and future into a coherent storyline. For my money, the most daunting one is trying to make something that handles a powerful threat to the typically indestructible heroes of the MCU as well as Infinity War did. From the moment that Thanos appears on screen, there's a sense that this collection of heroes is overmatched and that lingering feeling of dread made this film an exhilarating ride that is unlike anything else Marvel has done to this point. The Russo Brothers, Kevin Feige and co. are going to have dig really deep to replicate this feeling and if they don't, this latest two-part Avengers epic could be destined to permanently live in the shadow of the previous one.

Bottom Feeder: Chaos Walking (2021)

About the only positive impact that COVID had on the movie industry is that there was a window of time between August 2020 and April 2021 where they could dump titles they weren't happy with into theaters without having to warry about the blowback they would have otherwise gotten from bad word of mouth and losing boatloads of money. Lionsgate's dystopian sci-fi thriller Chaos Walking was one of the lucky titles released during this window. Originally set to release in the spring of 2019, Chaos Walking got delayed as Lionsgate commissioned heavy reshoots led by a different director (Fede Álvarez took over for Doug Liman, who received sole directorial credit on the final cut) with the hopes of salvaging the project. As you could probably guess by the first couple of sentences and the strong likelihood that this is a movie most people reading this haven't even heard of, let alone seen, they didn't succeed. Personally, I was kind taken of back by how aimless and meandering this project was given the amount of talent that was involved (beyond the pair of solid directors who worked on it, the ensemble cast included Holland, Daisy Ridley, Mads Mikkelsen, Cynthia Erivo and Demián Bichir). I had it ranked as the worst movie I watched in 2021 and there's probably only about 5-8 movies from the entire decade that I would rate lower than it at this point.

Most Underrated: The Devil All the Time (2020)

Speaking of COVID-era projects, The Devil All the Time was part of Netflix's big fall awards hopeful slate in 2020. As Mank, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom and The Trial of the Chicago 7 emerged as the focal points of their campaigning efforts, The Devil All the Time quickly became just another piece of content rotting away in the vast emptiness of the Netflix library. It's a shame that it met this fate as Antonio Campos cooked up a pretty bleak, intoxicating Southern Gothic thriller here that features a handful of really great performances from its loaded cast (Holland, Riley Keough, Sebastian Stan, Robert Pattinson, Eliza Scanlen) and some beautiful hazy cinematography from future Oscar winner Lol Crawley. 

Most Overrated: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Captain America: Civil War is a film with plenty of highs (the introductions to Black Panther and Spider-Man, the action sequences, weightier material that allowed all of the gifted actors on the MCU payroll more chances to show off their talent). Those highs just happen to be somewhat undercut by its boring villain (Daniel Brühl's Zemo), uneven pacing and refusal to really dig into the moral disputes that cause the titular divide between the typically united MCU heroes.  

Movie Review: Her Private Hell

Picture Tokyo in an unspecified cyperpunk-y future. A strange mist has completely engulfed the city and within that candy-colored haze, lies an unholy masked entity with diamond-encrusted gloves known as "Leatherman" who goes around the city kidnapping and/or killing women. Unbeknownst to them, three American actors (Sophie Thatcher, Havana Rose Liu, Kristine Forseth) who are in town to shoot a sci-fi movie are about to be the become next targets of Leatherman. Meanwhile in the criminal underworld, an American solider (Charles Melton) is slicing his way through Yakuza shot callers with the intention of getting information that will help him track down Leatherman-who took his daughter years earlier. Will Leatherman claim some more souls before the mist fades or can he finally be thwarted? The answer for those who are curious to crack this supernatural crime spree, lies within the 110 minutes of this summer most uh, unique movie entitled Her Private Hell.

Her Private Hell marks the return of Nicolas Winding Refn to the world of movies after stepping away from the medium for a decade to make a pair of streaming miniseries (2019's Too Old to Die Young, 2023's Copenhagen Cowboy). If anybody that didn't watch his television shows was concerned that the Danish auteur who is loathed by most and revered by a vocal few had changed since The Neon Demon crashed into theaters in the summer of 2016, rest assured that this is the same NFR. Words like "plot", "writing", or "character development" are of little use here as Refn frantically cycles through a pretty sizable hodgepodge of genre aesthetics (noir, giallo, vigilante, surrealism, cyberpunk, psychosexual thriller, supernatural horror, family drama) with the hope that he'll be able to cast a hypnotic spell that can make up for how little is actually transpiring on screen. For the first 2/3's of the movie, it doesn't succeed in the slightest as the pacing is too meandering to build an atmosphere that's worth getting lost in. Then, out of nowhere at the top of the third act, all of the sex, violence and sleaziness the movie had been teasing with no tangible results finally coalesces into something that's completely fucking mesmerizing. It was like Refn suddenly realized that he should use the beautiful neon lighting and elaborate spaceman sets that he had at his disposal to engage in some psychedelic hedonism spiked with graphic violence for the final 30 minutes. While this incredible groove Refn settles into comes far too late into the movie to fully redeem Her Private Hell, it provided enough of a sugar rush to elevate it out of the gutter and into semi-respectable territory. Considering how little of I thought of it for the opening 70-75 minutes, this is a remarkable late game rally that assures that I will watch whatever silly surrealist bullshit Refn cooks up next. 

Grade: C
 

Movie Review: The Odyssey

It's not a coincidence that Christopher Nolan used the blank check from Universal he earned after Oppenheimer made $983 million at the global box office and won a zillion Oscars 3 years ago to make The Odyssey. Not only has Nolan been working his whole career towards making a sprawling epic, but Homer's text makes for the perfect thematic complement to Oppenheimer as both films focus on a man who was the driving force behind winning a war coming to terms with the price of "victory". In the case of Odysseus (Matt Damon), he has to consider if slaughtering the people of Troy, getting so many of his own men killed and being away from his family (Anne Hathaway, Tom Holland) for decades was a worthwhile trade-off for being lauded as a hero by the people who cheered for the victory without ever bearing witness to all of the death and destruction that followed him. He comes to realize as his memory slowly returns after spending a decade stuck on an island with the nymph Calypso (Charlize Theron)-who has fallen in love with him as she nursed him back to health after his unconscious body washed up on her shores-that being victorious in war doesn't help spare you from the burden of inflicting so much suffering onto others. 

Electing to really focus on the true cost of Odysseus' actions during and following the Trojan War is an inspired framing for the latest adaptation of one of the oldest stories in the world. For the first time in a long time, Nolan finds a real narrative reason to trot out his signature cutesy non-linear storytelling device to show Odysseus' fragmented memories returning to him that details the life he left behind, how the war was won and the series of horrific events that led to him washing up on Calypso's island alone. Having all of the choices he made that led him to that beach gradually play out on screen challenges the real mythmaking in The Odyssey-Odysseus as a hero. Being so far removed from all the despair, suffering and death his actions when his memories return forced him to really sit with the weight of his actions and subsequently reframe his own legacy.

Once Odysseus finally gets on the path that brings him home to Ithaca and in turn, something that at least resembles redemption for all of the hurt that he's brought into the world by reuniting with his wife and the son he's never known, the film largely pivots to a more traditional narrative style that highlights the difficulties Odysseus faces as he sets to reuniting with his family and plots one final violent siege to rid his home of the suitors (Robert Pattinson, Corey Hawkins, several others that have little-to-no dialogue) and traitors (Logan Marshall-Green, Mia Goth) that aim to bring harm to the people he loves. In this final chapter, Nolan manages to do something really remarkable by delivering a really powerful emotional crescendo to Odysseus' story (Damon and Hathaway are on fire during their big "reunion" scene) and in the final moments, issuing a chilling statement that the world will forever be doomed to repeat Odysseus' mistakes by forgetting how war brings nothing but needless suffering for all parties involved. As somebody who has always felt that Nolan has struggled in the areas of filmmaking that don't involve spectacle and technical wizardry, I was in a borderline state of disbelief watching him make something that achieved so much success with its dramatic, emotionally charged storytelling.

Since the story of Odysseus is also paved with massive battles and constant peril, Nolan has the luxury of getting to have his cake and eat it too. Every penny of the reported $250 million budget can be felt on the screen as Nolan gives the viewer a front row seat to Odysseus' harrowing journey. There isn't another director working today that would be able to secure the money or have the audacity to do things like shoot extensively on the open ocean, enlist hundreds of extras to reenact the Battle of Troy or depict Odysseus' troops famous encounter with Circe (Samantha Morton) through prosthetics, makeup, etc. instead of CGI. Deep down, Nolan is probably aware of this, and he didn't take this golden opportunity to make something that's uniquely immersive for granted at all. It's a miracle that this movie was made in such a tactile manner and my hat goes off to the remarkably hard work that the thousands of artists who worked on this project put in to make it possible.

The Odyssey marks the first time since The Dark Knight Rises that I walked away from a Nolan movie very impressed. That's not to say that I don't have issues with it (the big action sequences are let down by consistently choppy editing, the dedication to elaborate location shooting really backfired in the cyclops sequence as it's incredibly difficult to make out what is happening in the cave due to how little light can physically get in there and most of the scenes where Odysseus is sidelined ahead of the third act are considerably less compelling than the rest of the movie) or that I was truly floored was by it like so many people out there have been, but I had plenty of doubts about his ability to pull off a great adaptation of this story and it felt good to be proven wrong. Where Nolan goes from here will be fascinating as the possibilities are pretty much endless now it's guaranteed that the film is going to clear $1 billion worldwide with ease. My guess right now is that he's going to go in the complete opposite direction of The Odyssey and make something considerably smaller in scope to give himself a bit of a reprieve after working on a project that he's repeatedly referred to as the biggest challenge of his career during this press tour. Until the day somewhere in the near (?) future when the mystery of what Nolan's next move gets solved, we'll just have to settle for continuing to discuss how the most prolific director on the planet today somehow managed to further elevate his already comically rich legacy with his 13th feature.

Grade: B+

Movie Review: They Fight

It's been a minute since I've seen a movie that feels as incomplete as They Fight. This fact-based sports drama about a recently paroled boxing coach (André Holland) in Washington DC who slowly rediscovers his passion for the sport that defined his life before drugs took him down a dark path after he crosses paths with a community center manager (Wendell Pierce) who introduces him to a couple of kids from the neighborhood (Anthony B. Jenkins, Toissant Francois Battiste) who show real potential as fighters progresses in such an awkward manner that it feels like you're watching a scratched DVD that is skipping multiple chapters between scenes. Characters who appear to be pivotal players in the story during the early going just disappear without explanation. Arcs for both the adult and child characters are assembled with so little detail that it's pretty much impossible to have any emotional reaction besides confusion or indifference. Even the boxing elements kind of feel like an afterthought as only about a third of the far too short 95-minute runtime is actually dedicated to the sweet science. While They Fight isn't aspiring to be some epic boxing movie a la the Rocky sequels, it also shouldn't feel like the filmmakers ran out of money after they shot 60-65% of the script and had to frantically assemble a final cut from the footage they were able to get.

The clumsy, rushed nature of They Fight became more shocking when the end credits sequence arrived and I discovered that the co-writer of the film Andrew Renzi directed a documentary about the people depicted in it! How the hell could somebody that got to know the real people who these characters are based on do such a terrible job of translating a story he's already told on screen into a dramatized narrative? The raw skeleton of this story is a compelling one that could easily become an effective sports biopic and yet, Renzi and co-writer/director Sheldon Candis managed to turn that solid seed of an idea into something that's sloppy to the point where it borders on being amateurish. There's absolutely no excuse for turning in a poor effort that leaves your solid cast who all turn in earnest performances out to dry because you couldn't be bothered to tell this story in a manner that wasn't fragmented, soulless and dull. As rude as this is to say, I believe that They Fight deserves its fate of being buried in the depths of a streaming library and I fully expect it to go down as one of the weakest movies I watch this year.

Grade: D+
 

Ben Foster Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Ben Foster-whose latest project "Motor City" releases in theaters on Thursday. 

Ben Foster's Filmography Ranked:

20.The Finest Hours (D)

19.The Contractor (D)

18.King Ivory (C-)

17.Big Trouble (C)

16.Phone Booth (C)

15.Leave No Trace (C)

14.X-Men: The Last Stand (B-)

13.Sharp Corner (B-)

12.30 Days of Night (B)

11.Christy (B)

10.The Punisher (B)

9.Hostage (B)

8.Contraband (B)

7.The Mechanic (B)

6.Hostiles (B)

5.Lone Survivor (B)

4.Hustle (B)

3.Alpha Dog (B+)

2.3:10 to Yuma (B+)

1.Hell or High Water (B+)

Top Dog: Hell or High Water (2016)

Prior to Yellowstone becoming a phenomenon that completely transformed his career, Taylor Sheridan was a struggling journeyman television actor (he was best known for his role as Deputy David Hale on the first 21 episodes of Sons of Anarchy) who had hit a home run with his screenwriting debut Sicario. His writing stock continued to skyrocket with his terrific second screenplay Hell or High Water. Like Sicario, Sheridan lets his vivid characters and the tense direction from a veteran filmmaker in David Mackenize lead the charge on what is at its heart a very simple story about two brothers (Chris Pine, Foster) being pursued by some wily Texas Rangers (Jeff Bridges, Gil Birmingham) as they commit a string of small scale bank robberies (i.e. only taking the cash that's in the drawers in the front of the bank) in rural towns with the intention of paying off of the reverse mortgage on their family ranch. Sheridan is just starting to dip his toes back into the waters of cinema after exclusively focusing on his television empire since the release of his second feature directorial effort Those Who Wish Me Dead in May 2021-penning the script for the upcoming Brandon Sklenar-led action thriller F.A.S.T that's currently slated for release in April 2027. Fingers crossed that he can somehow return to the excellent form he showed here.  

Bottom Feeder: The Finest Hours (2016)

Somebody's father or grandfather was definitely floored by the sentimental, old school survival drama schtick of The Finest Hours. I, on the other hand, considered bashing my head off the floor to wake myself up after sitting through this remarkably dry, corny soap opera dressed up as a dramatic retelling of the daring rescue of a Coast Guard vessel off the coast of Cape Cod in February 1952. As much as I can't stand The Finest Hour, I do get kind of bummed out whenever I remember that this marked the last time that Disney ever put out a piece of boomer cry porn like this in theaters. 

Most Underrated: Alpha Dog (2007)

Nick Cassavetes following up The Notebook with such an alternately scuzzy and tragic crime drama is the kind of hard pivot that I can't help but respect. While I can't discard there's a nostalgia element at play here as I saw it when I was 15, I can confidently declare that Alpha Dog features a number of excellent performances (Foster, Emile Hirsch, Justin Timberlake, the late great Anton Yelchin) and handles its several huge tonal shifts pretty well. 

Most Overrated: Leave No Trace (2018)

Fun fact: Leave No Trace has the highest number of reviews (248) of any film that boasts a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. If I were a professional critic, I'd have ruined its perfect score. There's nothing egregiously wrong with Debra Granik's understated family drama about a teenage girl (Thomasin McKenzie) who lives in the woods outside of Portland, Oregon with her veteran father (Foster) whose battling severe PTSD, I just found it to be a pretty meandering movie with emotional beats that didn't really land.

Matt Damon Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Matt Damon-whose latest project "The Odyssey" releases in theaters today. 

Matt Damon's Filmography Ranked:

39.The Legend of Bagger Vance (D)

38.Ocean's Twelve (D)

37.Stuck on You (D)

36.Interstellar (D+)

35.The Monuments Men (C)

34.Invictus (C) 

33.Titan A.E. (C)

32.Jason Bourne (C)

31.The Bourne Supremacy (C) 

30.Suburbicon (C)

29.Green Zone (C+)

28.The Informant! (C+)

27.The Great Wall (C+)

26.No Sudden Move (B-)

25.The Bourne Ultimatum (B-)

24.Stillwater (B-)

23.School Ties (B)

22.We Bought a Zoo (B)

21.Oppenheimer (B)

20.The Adjustment Bureau (B)

19.Elysium (B)

18.The Bourne Identity (B)

17.The Rip (B)

16.Drive-Away Dolls (B)

15.Chasing Amy (B)

14.Contagion (B)

13.IF (B+)

12.The Martian (B+)

11.Ocean's Thirteen (B+)

10.Ford v. Ferrari (B+)

9.Air (B+)

8.Dogma (B+)

7.The Last Duel (B+)

6.Rounders (A-)

5.True Grit (A)

4.Saving Private Ryan (A)

3.Ocean's Eleven (A)

2.Good Will Hunting (A)

1.The Departed (A+)

Top Dog: The Departed (2006)

The Departed will always and forever be my favorite Martin Scorsese movie. Is that because I was 14 when it was released, is set in Boston and was the first movie of his that I ever watched? Perhaps, but I also just happen to think that it's really special. Scorsese had been making crime movies for 30+ years when The Departed entered production, and all that experience is on display as he concocts this engrossing look at the blurred lines between cops and criminals. The twists and turns that transpire as green undercover cop Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio) infiltrates the inner circle of Irish mob boss (Jack Nicholson, in what is arguably his last great performance before retiring from acting following 2010's How Do You Know) are incredible and the last 30 minutes never fail to leave my jaw on the floor.

Bottom Feeder: The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000)

Robert Redford assembled one of the most illustrious careers of any person to ever work in Hollywood. The Legend of Bagger Vance was not among his highlights. My choice to watch this movie stemmed entirely from a years-long running bit that I had with a couple of friends, and it took about 20-25 minutes for me to regret sitting down to watch it. Unapologetic cheese tends to at least have some theatrics behind it, but this project is so fucking lethargic that it can't even be bothered to play up the overwhelming sentimentality that's baked into its cornball sports drama narrative. Part of me hopes that Damon and Charlize Theron shared a laugh about this movie when they were on set together for The Odyssey.     

Most Underrated: The Last Duel (2021):

Ridley Scott is at the top of the list of directors that I feel are complete wild cards in terms of the quality of the films they deliver. While his erraticism has absolutely gotten worse with age, he's never been able to string together multiple undeniable triumphs at any point in his career. During his very busy 2020's so far (next month's The Dog Stars will be the 5th movie he's released!), he's produced a sole slice of greatness in The Last Duel. The care put into its multi-perspective narrative along with a stunning lead performance from Jodie Comer made this a really compelling, powerful drama about the great lengths' society and the preparators of sexual assaults go to discredit the women who have been violated at the hands of predators.  

Most Overrated: Interstellar (2014):

Speaking of cornball movies starring Damon, the time has arrived for me to talk about how much I hate Interstellar. Not liking Interstellar has never been a popular take, but in recent years as it has seemingly become every person on the fucking planet's favorite Christopher Nolan movie, saying that you think this movie sucks shit is a surefire way to make a whole lot of people disgusted, confused and/or infuriated. My reasoning for thinking Interstellar is a turd is simple: Adding schmaltzy family drama to Nolan's signature convoluted exposition dumps acts as a brutal kiss of death that made this movie a groanworthy slog to sit through. The library scene is at the end is the worst thing Nolan has ever committed to film, and I'll never forget the tidal wave of disgust that overtook me as it was playing out on the big screen. I would rather go through a dozen wormholes than sit through this nauseatingly melodramatic snoozefest again. 

Movie Review: Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass

As comedy has become such a low priority in Hollywood over the past 7-8 years, David Wain's output has slowed down considerably. Since his last film A Futile and Stupid Gesture released on Netflix in January 2018, the 56-year-old that's best known for being one of the leaders of the sketch comedy troupe The State and helping birth Wet Hot American Summer with his State cohort Michael Showwalter has only worked as a hired gun director on a couple of television series (Mr. Throwback, Miracle Workers). Wain's return to making his own stuff is a fitting one as he teamed up with another old friend of his from The State in Ken Marino to write an indie comedy entitled Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass that harkened back to their absurdist roots. Returning to the lane that put him on the map pays dividends for Wain as Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass is the best thing he's done in nearly 20 years. 

To add a few additional details to the title that nicely defines the plot, Gail Daughry (Zoey Deutch) is a hairdresser in Kansas whose upcoming nuptials to her high school sweetheart (Michael Cassidy) suddenly get complicated when he unexpectedly uses his "celebrity free pass". To try to even the score before the wedding, Gail joins her co-worker/best friend Otto (Miles Gutierrez-Riley) on a trip to a hairdressing convention in Los Angeles with the intention of having sex with her celebrity pass Jon Hamm during her few days in the City of Angels. What ensues is a pretty warped, Wizard of Oz-esque adventure where Daughtry crosses paths with an aspiring talent agent (Ben Wang), former paparazzo (Marino) whose career was derailed by his inability to get a photo of Hamm, Hamm's Mad Men co-star John Slattey and a vicious crime boss (Sabrina Impacciatore) whose briefcase full of important contraband inadvertently ends up in Daughtry's possession after her goons (Joe Lo Trugilo, Mather Zickel) set it down in the waiting area of LAX to take a photo with Henry Winkler. 

Having Daughtry and her (mostly) new pals run around Los Angeles looking for Hamm and dodging criminals that are trying to kill them is a great recipe for Wain to do near non-stop bits. While the hit rate is nowhere near as high as Wet Hot American Summer (to be fair, not many comedies are operating on that level), it's considerably higher than his last absurdist comedy They Came Together and the best bits-which most notably include an over-the-top fight scene on an abandoned western movie set, a lengthy interaction with Hamm's bodyguard (Tobie Windham, who gives the funniest performance in the movie despite only being on screen for 10-12 minutes) outside of his hotel room at the Chateau Marmont and a cameo from Richard Kind as a cab driver who gives Gail unsolicited advice about pursuing acting-are jam-packed with idiotic comedy excellence. Wain is one of the best around at delivering deadpan, joyfully dumb comedy and it was cool to see him get so much out of an ensemble cast that largely didn't have prior experience with this type of humor. His fastball might not be what it was 25 years ago, but there's still a place for Wain's comedic sensibilities today and hopefully, it won't be another 8 years before we see his next project.

Grade: B