2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Centers

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2022

20.(20) Ted Karras (Bengals)

19.(14) Brian Allen (Rams)

18.(+) Jake Brendel (49ers)

17.(17) Bradley Bozeman (Panthers)

16.(12) Ryan Kelly (Colts)

15.(+) Drew Dalman (Falcons)

14.(+) Mason Cole (Steelers)

13.(+) Garrett Bradbury (Vikings)

12.(+) Cody Whitehair (Bears)

11.(13) Connor McGovern (Jets)

10.(9) Ryan Jensen (Buccaneers)

9.(19) Ethan Pocic (Browns)

8.(+) Tyler Linderbaum (Ravens)

7.(3)Ben Jones (Free Agent)

6.(4) David Andrews (Patriots)

5.(+) Connor Williams (Dolphins)

4.(1) Corey Linsley (Chargers)

3.(6) Frank Ragnow (Lions)

2.(2) Jason Kelce (Eagles)

1.(8) Creed Humphrey (Chiefs)

Quick Movie Reviews: White Men Can't Jump, Kandahar, You Hurt My Feelings

White Men Can't Jump: Calmatic ended up going 2 for 2 in his quest to make loose, mediocre remakes of 90's comedies this year. While the charisma of leads Sinqua Walls and Jack Harlow (making his acting debut) and some energetic basketball scenes are enough to make it an agreeable watch, the movie just simply isn't very funny. For a "modern" spin on White Men Can't Jump, it's awfully reliant on writing lazy punchlines that play into broad racial stereotypes that were tired in 1992 when the original came out. The fact that Harlow plays a vegan hippie that is oblivious to black culture instead of a B-Rad from Malibu's Most Wanted-esque aspiring rapper caricature is the closest the script from Kenya Barris and Doug Hall comes to being clever and by the 20th time somebody makes a joke about the smoothies he's drinking or his love of meditation, whatever minimal creative points they earned go out the window. If studios are going to keep insisting on remaking cult classic comedies from 30+ years ago, they need to at least hire people that are capable of writing jokes and characters that have some actual creativity behind them or we're going to be doomed to a fate of being subjected to a couple of so-so lazy Sunday watches like White Men Can't Jump and House Party every year that draw no strong opinions outside of gatekeeping fans of the original before they permanently disappear from the public consciousness.       

Grade: C

Kandahar: Kandahar is a bit of a change of pace for Gerard Butler as it's more of a political thriller/war film than a straight-up action vehicle. Coincidence or not, this slight deviation from his standard fare also happens to be one of the better movies he's starred in over the past decade. While it's clear that this is his first foray into screenwriting from the uneven handling of some of the secondary narrative threads, retired military intelligence officer Mitchell LaFortune does a very good job of constructing an endearing story about an M1-6 agent on loan to the CIA (Butler) whose forced to flee Afghanistan with a translator (Navid Negahban) that had just joined him for an upcoming job after his cover is blown following an unnamed American whistleblower revealing his role in the recent destruction of an Iranian nuclear weapons plant. 

The plot has sharp observations about just how much of a rapidly-evolving, greed-driven entity war in the Middle East has been over the past several decades and how the people of these nations ultimately pay the steepest price for the endless violence that Western nations gladly help escalate from afar directly baked into it, which provides Kandahar with a melancholic backbone that gives the film a much more grounded feel than the typical American-backed, Middle East-set movie. LaFortune's even-handed portrayal of "modern" warfare is complemented by Ric Roman Waugh's confident direction that balances the quiet dramatic moments with the big action pops quite well, a strong performance from Butler as an elite special forces officer whose excellence in the field has come at the expense of a completely deterioration of his personal life back in the UK and an even stronger one from Negahban as an Afghan refugee who has mixed emotions about returning to his homeland after so many years away. The aforementioned sketchy handling of the subplots prevent Kandahar from being truly great, but it's an entertaining flick that has some real substance and that's something that's always worth celebrating in my book.      

Grade: B

You Hurt My Feelings: You Hurt My Feelings is built around a very simple yet uncomfortable fact: Couples lie to each other about petty things to either avoid conflicts or not hurt their partner's feelings and catching them in the act can launch a full-blown existential crisis that causes the affected party to question the very foundation of their relationship. Examining this "betrayal" represents the full extent of the narrative stakes and that will unquestionably lead to some viewers feeling that this is a pointless watch, but I felt it was a very enjoyable slice of life movie. The primary cast (Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Arian Moyaed, Owen Teague) give authentic performances as vain people who are in professional ruts that don't realize that they are dealing with similar problems at home and Nicole Holofcener's ability to spotlight how all of this shit would be easily avoidable if humans didn't have such fragile egos and write funny dialogue that fits each character really helps make every beat of this film feel wholly believable. On top of that, it successfully sets up, examines and resolves its thesis statement in roughly 90 minutes! I'll fondly look back on the storytelling efficiency of You Hurt My Feelings the next time I sit through a needlessly bloated movie. 

Grade: B 

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 30 Guards

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2022 

30.(22) Mark Glowinski (Giants)

29.(+) Tyler Smith (Cowboys)

28.(25) Jonah Jackson (Lions)

27.(+) Will Hernandez (Cardinals)

26.(20) Alijah Vera-Tucker (Jets)

25.(+) Teven Jenkins (Bears)

24.(27) Nate Davis (Bears)

23.(+) Landon Dickerson (Eagles)

22.(21) Andrew Norwell (Commanders)

21.(10) Laken Tomlinson (Jets)

20.(7) Brandon Schreff (Jaguars)

19.(+) Damien Lewis (Seahawks)

18.(+) Quinn Minerz (Broncos)

17.(18) James Daniels (Steelers)

16.(17) Alex Cappa (Bengals)

15.(19) Austin Corbett (Panthers)

14.(+) Robert Hunt (Dolphins)

13.(16) Trey Smith (Chiefs)

12.(26) Ezra Cleveland (Vikings)

11.(24) Issac Seumalo (Steelers)

10.(+) Elgton Jenkins (Packers)

9.(6) Wyatt Teller (Browns)

8.(4) Shaq Mason (Texans)

7.(9) Kevin Zeitler (Ravens)

6.(2) Quenton Nelson (Colts)

5.(15) Michael Owenu (Patriots)

4.(1) Zack Martin (Cowboys)

3.(5) Joe Thuney (Chiefs)

2.(8) Chris Lindstrom (Falcons)

1.(3) Joel Bitonio (Browns)

Robert De Niro Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the films of Robert De Niro-whose latest project "About My Father" opens in theaters today.

Robert De Niro's Filmography Ranked:

38.Shark Tale (F)

37.Joker (D-)

36.Raging Bull (D)

35.The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (D+)

34.New Year's Eve (D+)

33.Guilty by Suspicion (C-)

32.Stardust (C)  

31.Little Fockers (C)

30.Showtime (C)

29.Analyze That (C)

28.Righteous Kill (C)

27.Heist (C+)

26.Grudge Match (B-)

25.Amsterdam (B-)

24.Hands of Stone (B-)

23.The Score (B-)

22.Analyze This (B)

21.Last Vegas (B)

20.Dirty Grandpa (B)

19.Killer Elite (B)

18.Meet the Fockers (B)

17.The Intern (B)

16.Heat (B)

15.Limitless (B)

14.Joy (B)

13.The King of Comedy (B)

12.The Irishman (B+)

11.Taxi Driver (B+)

10.Cape Fear (B+)

9.Midnight Run (B+)

8.Machete (A-)

7.Cop Land (A-)

6.Jackie Brown (A-)

5.The Untouchables (A-)

4.Meet the Parents (A)

3.American Hustle (A)

2.Silver Linings Playbook (A)

1.Goodfellas (A+)

Top Dog: Goodfellas (1990)

Enthralling, hilarious and tragic, Goodfellas is a densely layered mob opus that manages to stand out even in Martin Scorsese's gem-filmed filmography.  

Bottom Feeder: Shark Tale (2004)

Dreamworks making an animated gangster movie with sea creatures is the kind of unhinged idea that I  typically would enthusiastically support. However, Shark Tale makes horrendous use of that deranged plot by using it as the springboard to create an unfunny, obnoxious film that is never anything less than physically painful to watch.   

Most Underrated: Cop Land (1997)

James Mangold really came into his own with his sophomore directorial effort. This story of a small town New Jersey sheriff (Sylvester Stallone in one of the best performances of his career) who decides to stand up to a powerful group of corrupt New York city cops (Harvey Keitel, Ray Liotta, Robert Patrick, Peter Berg, John Spencer) that have been using his community as a command post for their criminal enterprises after years of looking the other way is a compelling slow burn crime drama that really comes alive in its explosive, pulse-pounding finale. 

Most Overrated: Joker (2019)

With Joker, Todd Phillips wanted the whole world to know that he really loves Taxi Driver and The King of Comedy. Congrats man, a lot of people out there do too! I wish I had watched either of those films again instead of choosing to watch a hack like Phillips attempt to mimic the spirit of these Martin Scorsese classics with a Batman villain in the Travis Bickle/Rupert Pupkin role. The lengths that Phillips and Joaquin Phoenix go to sell Joker as some kind of provoctative, shocking and profound character study of a mentally-ill man who finally fights back against the system that has been so cruel to him are embarrassing and the desperation behind their over-the-top showy storytelling/acting approaches makes this one of the most putrid, masturbatory pieces of garbage I've ever had to sit through.          

Most Overhated: Dirty Grandpa (2016)

While it's definitely not great, a deep, talented ensemble cast (Zac Efron, De Niro, Aubrey Plaza, Zoey Deutch, Jason Mantzoukas, Adam Pally, Danny Glover) letting loose with the dumb material they were given is enough to make Dirty Grandpa an amusing sex comedy. 

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Tight Ends

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2022 

20.(+) Jordan Akins (Browns)

19.(+) Juwan Johnson (Saints)

18.(8) Mike Gesicki (Patriots)

17.(13) Noah Fant (Seahawks)

16.(9) Hunter Henry (Patriots) 

15.(20) Gerald Everett (Chargers)

14.(18) Cole Kmet (Bears)

13.(15) Dawson Knox (Bills)

12.(6) Kyle Pitts (Falcons)

11.(11) Tyler Higbee (Rams)

10.(10) Dalton Schultz (Texans)

9.(+) Evan Engram (Jaguars)

8.(17) David Njoku (Browns)

7.(14) Pat Friermuth (Steelers)

6.(4) Darren Waller (Giants)

5.(7) T.J. Hockenson (Vikings)

4.(5) Dallas Goedert (Eagles)

3.(3) Mark Andrews (Ravens)

2.(2) George Kittle (49ers)

1.(1) Travis Kelce (Chiefs)

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 30 Tackles

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or not eligible in 2022

30.(+) Braxton Jones (Bears)

29.(+) D.J. Humphries (Cardinals)

28.(26) Charles Leno Jr. (Commanders)

27.(15) Braden Smith (Colts)

26.(24) Rob Havenstein (Rams)

25.(+) Morgan Moses (Ravens)

24.(10) Jack Conklin (Browns)

23.(+)Mike McGlinchey (Broncos)

22.(17) Dion Dawkins (Bills)

21.(+) Kaleb McGary (Falcons)

20.(8) Taylor Moton (Panthers)

19.(11) Rashawn Slater (Chargers)

18.(14) Garret Bolles (Broncos)

17.(9) Ronnie Stanley (Ravens)

16.(19) Taylor Decker (Lions)

15.(20) Orlando Brown Jr. (Bengals)

14.(18) Kolton Miller (Raiders)

13.(21) Jordan Mailata (Eagles)

12.(23) Penei Sewell (Lions)

11.(+) Christian Darrisaw (Vikings)

10.(13) Jake Matthews (Falcons)

9.(6) Terron Armstead (Dolphins)

8.(3) David Bakhtiari (Packers)

7.(25) Brian O'Neill (Vikings)

6.(12) Laremy Tunsil (Texans)

5.(27) Andrew Thomas (Giants)

4.(4) Tristian Wirfs (Buccaneers)

3.(2) Ryan Ramcyzk (Saints)

2.(5) Lane Johnson (Eagles)

1.(1) Trent Williams (49ers)

Movie Review: Fast X

After over 20 years and a substantial genre shift from humble street racing movies to massive, globe-trotting action blockbusters, the Fast and Furious franchise is starting to wind down. Given all of the behind-the-scenes drama, the majority of the core cast being in their mid-to-late 40's or early 50's and the void caused by the tragic death of Paul Walker that the series still hasn't quite been able to overcome, the time for Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his increasingly large family to retire from driving, espionage and live-action Looney Tunes stunts has never felt more appropriate. The beginning of the endgame materializes in Fast X and the end of the road is looking like it's going to be filled with the biggest obstacles the Toretto crew has ever faced.

The playbook of Fast and Furious is so well-established at this point that every follower of the series know what they're getting into when they sit down to watch a new installment. The crew gets dragged into a mission where they have to stop psychopath from blowing up an entire continent, crippling the world's banking systems or some combination of the two, a small group of new cast members join the fold and everything gets resolved at the end of the movie without any real collateral damage. While calling Fast X subversive would be a bit of a reckless overstatement, the film does have a sense of real danger running through it that was previously foreign to the franchise. 

Causing this harrowing, legit threat to Toretto and co. is a man named Dante Reyes (Jason Momoa). Not only is Reyes highly motivated to inflict revenge on Toretto after he was responsible for killing his father Hernan (Joquaim de Almeida-who appears both via archival footage and a couple of new scenes they shot for this movie) in Fast Five, but he operates like the impervious supervillain answer to the entire main crew as he's an expert in hacking, weaponry, driving and anything else that would possibly be useful in this universe. After framing them for a terrorist attack in Rome, Reyes is able to fragment the family by forcing them to go on the lam either alone (Diesel), in a small group (Ludacris, Tyrese Gibson, Nathalie Emmanuel, Sung Kang) or as a duo (John Cena, Leo Abelo Perry) while also managing to get Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) arrested and hauled off to a black site jail. Having a presence that is powerful enough to separate the group and put them in real danger creates an Avengers: Infinity War-esque feeling of impending doom that gives the film a darker, high stakes vibe that makes Fast X a distinctly entertaining entry in the series.

The match that ignites this more danger-filled take on Fast and Furious is the unstoppable force that is Momoa in the role of Dante Reyes. While the general description of Dante as a character makes it seem like he's some kind of deeply imposing psychopath, Momoa finds a way to make him both a wildly entertaining and unpredictable villain. He plays Dante as this flamboyant, eccentric loose cannon who takes perverse glee in toying with and inflicting a tremendous amount of pain on his enemies. Every moment he's on screen is a highlight of the film and it's awesome to see Momoa effectively weaponize his signature charisma to play the ultimate colorful yet playfully sadistic bad guy. Reyes is the perfect antagonist for this proudly over-the-top franchise and it's a massive blessing that he gets the opportunity as serve as this final boss-type figure for Torretto and co.      

Much like F9, there a few roadblocks that prevent Fast X from hitting the heights of the franchise's best entries. The setpieces, while still consistently solid, lack the gloriously cartoonish flare that has made the action of the other recent entries so great, the whole deciding to keep Walker's Brian O'Connor alive decision is becoming more and more of a burden on the storytelling (Brian and Jordana Brewster's Mia Toretto are conveniently not targeted by Dante-which even by the franchise's deeply unserious standards- makes zero sense considering what else occurs over the course of this film) and the big emotional moments in the final scenes don't carry any real weight because we all know that through the magic of the Fast and Furious retconning they can be reversed with ease at any moment. But when you consider the bigger, more urgent narrative stakes at play and the fact that Louis Leterrier (Now You See Me, The Incredible Hulk) had to effectively re-work the movie on the fly after Justin Lin quit a week into shooting, it's impressive that Fast X didn't turn into a complete mess. With Leterrier set to return for the (hopefully) final installment without the added stress of rearranging the DNA of a movie on short notice and an intriguing stage being set in the final moments for the next film, I'm optimistic about the odds of the Fast and Furious franchise ending on a high note.      

Grade: B+

Michelle Rodriguez Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted released superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Michelle Rodriguez-whose latest project "Fast X" is in theaters now.  

Michelle Rodriguez's Filmography Ranked:

18.Avatar (D)

17.Blue Crush (C)

16.Machete Kills (B-)

15.Resident Evil (B-)

14.Resident Evil: Retribution (B-)

13.Alita: Battle Angel (B-)

12.S.W.A.T. (B-)

11.The Fast and the Furious (B-)

10.Battle: Los Angeles (B-)

9.Fast & Furious (B)

8.Girlfight (B)

7.Widows (B)

6.F9 (B+)

5.Fast and Furious 6 (B+)

4.Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (B+)

3.Machete (A-)

2.The Fate of the Furious (A)

1.Furious 7 (A)

Top Dog: Furious 7 (2015)

James Wan got thrown into the fire on his first blockbuster and ended up putting forth one of his most impressive directorial efforts to date. Through the purity of the sentiments that were being conveyed on screen and some pure movie magic, Wan was able to make a film that served as both an emotional, heartfelt tribute to the late Paul Walker and a rollicking, outlandish over-the-top action spectacle. 

Bottom Feeder: Avatar (2009)

Fun fact: I had forgotten that Rodriguez was in Avatar until I was sitting in a theater last Labor Day weekend seeing Top Gun: Maverick for the second time and the trailer for the re-release played. Guess my efforts to purge as much of this wretched film from my memory as possible were successful!!!

Most Underrated: The Fate of the Furious (2017)

What a fucking gem this movie is. The setpieces are wildly inventive and fun as hell (particularly the prison fight, "flying" cars scene and baby rescue sequence), Charlize Theron's Cipher is an incredible, scenery-chewing villain and the relentless ball-busting Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham engage in results in some of the funniest one-liners of the entire series. 

Most Overrated: Avatar (2009)

Here we go again.... As ambitious and talented of a filmmakers as James Cameron is, I strongly believe that Avatar brings nothing to the table outside of its astonishing visual effects, cinematography and sound design. The dialogue and acting are stunningly rough for a mainstream Hollywood movie and the story is an insufferably cheesy bore that isn't nearly compelling or deep enough to warrant taking nearly 3 hours to tell. 

Genuinely One of the Most Unforgettable Movies I've Ever Seen: Battle: Los Angeles (2011)

Is Battle: Los Angeles a "good" movie. Outside of the visceral action sequences and cool alien design, not particularly. However, it's a movie that is so unintentionally funny that my friends and I have been quoting and discussing it regularly for the past 12 years and that's enough for me to speak of it fondly whenever the opportunity arises.   

Movie Review: Hypnotic

 

Ever heard of Solstice Studios? Unless you're completely plugged-in into the business side of Hollywood, the answer is almost certainly no. Anyways, Solstice was a film studio that was trying to do something exceptionally difficult: become a functional mid-sized distributor in modern day Hollywood. This is a space that is now solely occupied by Lionsgate after MGM got officially bought out by Amazon and STX-who had been in financial ruin for several years-pivoted to becoming a production company after being taken over by a new group of investors last summer. Basically, the brutal combination of trying to launch a company during the COVID lockdown and a couple of really questionable business decisions (going all-in on making the Russell Crowe road rage thriller Unhinged the 1st new movie released when movie theaters re-opened in most of the US in late August 2020, spending $10+ mil on acquiring the Mark Wahlberg vehicle Joe Bell after it debuted at the 2020 Toronto Film Festival) kneecapped them before they had to a chance to even get both feet on the ground. 

Aside from Unhinged, Solstice produced just one other film before they folded and that was Hypnotic. Some might argue that their $65-75 million investment in this sci-fi mystery thriller from Robert Rodriguez was their most crucial misstep as a company as they didn't clearly didn't have the capital to be producing movies that carried that high of a price tag. What saved Hypnotic from ending up in limbo for an especially long time (it was filmed in the fall of 2021) was the convenient fact that executive producer Gareth West has his own distribution label called Ketchup Entertainment that specializes in small indie/VOD releases that could step up and put the movie in theaters. All things considered, Hypnotic dying alongside its former distributor would've likely been a better outcome for the resumes of everyone involved with making it.

Hypnotic has been framed as a passion project for Rodriguez-which is really hard to believe unless that passion was for making a movie that runs almost exclusively on exposition and plot twists. This alleged labor of love tells the tale of Austin cop Danny Roarke (Ben Affleck in his stiffest and most unengaged performances in ages) who is reeling after the recent kidnapping of his daughter (Hala Finley). Shortly after returning to the line of duty, he's summoned to a bank robbery where he encounters a strange man (William Fitchner) that appears to have orchestrated the heist on a whim and finds a photo of his daughter with an indecipherable message written under it in a safe deposit box at the scene of the crime. Upon meeting with a psychic (Alice Braga) who called in the robbery before it happened, Roarke learns that the man he saw at the bank is actually part of a group of a powerful hypnotists called "Hypnotics" who are capable of manipulating people into seeing and doing anything that that they want them to and his daughter might be the key to a vast conspiracy the Hypnotics are trying to pull off. With an army of Hypnotics on his trail, Roarke must get to the bottom of things before its too late for both him and his daughter. 

I've been a big fan of Rodriguez's for a long time and this is the first time I've ever seen a movie of his where it felt like he was completely lost. While the Spy Kids movies aren't exactly terrific pieces of cinema, they are at least clear representations of the vision that he had for them. Here, he appears to be aiming to make something like Inception and yet sidelines all of the stylish visuals (Hypnotic looks flat and cheap throughout), slick action sequences and inspiring DIY passion he's known for that could've allowed him to do so in favor of standing by idly while all the aforementioned exposition and plot twists attempt to make all of the nonsense this story throws out there seem coherent and clever. Newsflash: this strategy doesn't work as Hypnotic comes across as nothing but idiotic and bland every step of the way. How a seasoned filmmaker thought he could cover up a movie that lacks any sort of personality or commitment to selling its intriguing sci-fi mystery hook by having its characters relentlessly explain the mythology of the Hypnotics and delivering a barrage of "shocking" plot twists in the final act is a bigger, bleaker mindfuck than anything that actually happens in Hypnotic.     

If Hypnotic wasn't so deeply silly, fast-moving and mercifully short (it clocks in at 93 minutes with credits), there's a good chance it would've morphed into a massive trainwreck instead of the relatively small one it ends up being. Rodriguez is too creative and singular of a cinematic voice to be churning out uninspired shit like Hypnotic and hopefully his next passion project will be a better representation of the lively filmmaker he truly is.  

Grade: C-

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 50 Wide Receivers

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2022

50.(29) Robert Woods (Texans)

49.(+) Curtis Samuel (Commanders)

48.(+) Darius Slayton (Giants)

47.(+) George Pickens (Steelers)

46.(+) Zay Jones (Jaguars)

45.(18) Allen Robinson (Steelers)

44.(30) Darnell Mooney (Bears)

43.(19) Adam Thielen (Panthers)

42.(+) Allen Lazard (Jets)

41.(+) Drake London (Falcons)

40.(37) Tyler Boyd (Bengals)

39.(33) Marquise Brown (Cardinals)

38.(24) Michael Thomas (Saints)

37.(27) Hunter Renfrow (Raiders)

36.(28) Courtland Sutton (Broncos)

35.(25) Dionate Johnson (Steelers)

34.(50) Gabe Davis (Bills)

33.(+) Chris Olave (Saints)

32.(39) Jakobi Meyers (Raiders)

31.(32) Odell Beckham Jr. (Ravens)

30.(+) Jerry Jeudy (Broncos)

29.(47) JuJu Smith-Schuster (Patriots)

28.(21) Brandin Cooks (Cowboys)

27.(+) Garrett Wilson (Jets)

26.(34) Brandon Aiyuk (49ers)

25.(26) Michael Pittman Jr. (Colts)

24.(38) Christian Kirk (Jaguars)

23.(+) DeVonta Smith (Eagles)

22.(15) D.J. Moore (Bears)

21.(22) Amari Cooper (Browns)

20.(14) Mike Evans (Buccaneers)

19.(17) Mike Williams (Chargers)

18.(12) Tyler Lockett (Seahawks)

17.(23) Tee Higgins (Bengals)

16.(43) Amon-Ra St.Brown (Lions)

15.(11) Deebo Samuel (49ers)

14.(13) D.K. Metcalf (Seahawks)

13.(10) Keenan Allen (Chargers)

12.(9) Chris Godwin (Buccaneers)

11.(16) Terry McLaurin (Commanders)

10.(31) Jaylen Waddle (Dolphins)

9.(20) CeeDee Lamb (Cowboys)

8.(6) DeAndre Hopkins (Cardinals)

7.(8) Ja'Marr Chase (Bengals)

6.(7) A.J. Brown (Eagles)

5.(4) Stefon Diggs (Bills)

4.(3) Cooper Kupp (Rams)

3.(2) Tyreek Hill (Dolphins)

2.(1) Davante Adams (Raiders)

1.(5) Justin Jefferson (Vikings)

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 50 Running Backs

()=2022 ranking

(+)= Unranked or ineligible in 2022

50.(+) Chuba Hubbard (Panthers)

49.(+) James Cook (Bills)

48.(21) Cordarrelle Patterson (Falcons)

47.(17) Leonard Forunette (Free Agent)

46.(+) Rachaad White (Buccaneers)

45.(20) Antonio Gibson (Commanders)

44.(18) Kareem Hunt (Free Agent)

43.(46) Alexander Mattison (Vikings)

42.(23) Javonte Williams (Broncos)

41.(26) Elijah Mitchell (49ers)

40.(+) Latavius Murray (Bills)

39.(36) Devin Singletary (Texans)

38.(38) Rashaad Penny (Eagles)

37.(39) J.K. Dobbins (Ravens)

36.(+) Jerick McKinnon (Chiefs)

35.(+) Jeff Wilson Jr. (Dolphins)

34.(31) D'Andre Swift (Eagles)

33.(+) Brian Robinson Jr. (Commanders)

32.(+) Breece Hall (Jets)

31.(45) Khalil Herbert (Bears)

30.(44) Gus Edwards (Ravens)

29.(11) David Montgomery (Lions)

28.(10) Damien Harris (Bills)

27.(+) D'Onta Foreman (Bears)

26.(+) Dameon Pierce (Texans)

25.(28) Cam Akers (Rams)

24.(+) Raheem Mostert (Dolphins)

23.(19) James Conner (Cardinals)

22.(+) Isiah Pacheco (Chiefs)

21.(+) Tyler Allgeier (Falcons)

20.(14) Najee Harris (Steelers)

19.(35) Jammal Williams (Saints)

18.(29) A.J. Dillon (Packers)

17.(+) Travis Etienne (Jaguars)

16.(+) Kenneth Walker III (Seahawks)

15.(5) Joe Mixon (Bengals)

14.(6) Alvin Kamara (Saints)

13.(12) Ezekiel Elliott (Free Agent)

12.(34) Rhamondre Stevenson (Patriots)

11.(25) Miles Sanders (Panthers)

10.(7) Aaron Jones (Packers)

9.(2) Dalvin Cook (Vikings)

8.(24) Tony Pollard (Cowboys)

7.(22) Saquon Barkley (Giants)

6.(16) Josh Jacobs (Raiders)

5.(8) Austin Ekeler (Chargers)

4.(3) Jonathan Taylor (Colts)

3.(4) Nick Chubb (Browns)

2.(1) Derrick Henry (Titans)

1.(9) Christian McCaffery (49ers)

Jennifer Lopez Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Jennifer Lopez-whose latest project "The Mother" releases on Netflix tomorrow.  

Jennifer Lopez's Filmography Ranked:

17.Antz (D)

16.What to Expect When You're Expecting (D+)

15.Enough (D+)

14.The Boy Next Door (D+)

13.Second Act (C-)

12.Selena (C-)

11.Anaconda (C-)

10.The Wedding Planner (C)

9.Maid in Manhattan (C)

8.Home (C+)

7.Money Train (C+)

6.Shotgun Wedding (C+)

5.Marry Me (B-)

4.The Cell (B-)

3.Parker (B)

2.Hustlers (B)

1.Out of Sight (A-)

Top Dog: Out of Sight (1998)

Waiting until the spring of 2020 to check out Out of Sight was an egregious oversight on my part. This romantic heist thriller led by George Clooney and Lopez and backed-up by an incredible supporting coast full of familiar faces (Ving Rhames, Don Cheadle, Steve Zahn, Albert Brooks, Dennis Farnia, Luis Guzman, Viola Davis, Catherine Keener, Nancy Allen, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson) is a slick, hilarious and invigorating blast that is easily one of my favorites from Steven Soderbergh.   

Bottom Feeder: Antz (1998)

Antz is being handed this distinction for one simple reason: I hated it as a kid. As silly as that sounds, not liking a kid's movie when you're a kid yourself is one of the strongest condemnations of a piece of art possible.  

Most Underrated: Out of Sight (1998)

Soderbergh has made a ton of great movies in his 35-year career, but Out of Sight might be the most overlooked. In terms of style, entertainment value and acting firepower, it's right up there with his crowning achievement Ocean's 11 and the writing from Scott Frank and romantic spark between Clooney and Lopez is also quite strong.

Most Overrated: Selena (1997)

Even as someone who knew nothing about Selena Quintanilla Perez's life going in, I became aware that Selena was a by-the-numbers biopic within the first half hour. Despite Lopez's best efforts to inject some spirit into the proceedings with her performance as the iconic Mexican-American singer, it reduces Quintanilla Perez's life to a collection of flat melodramatic scenes with no real emotion or drama and tells you next to nothing about the person or artist she was. Also, rushing to make a biopic so quickly after her death (Quintanilla Perez was murdered on March 31st, 1995, Selena began production in September 1996 and was released in March 1997) is some really disrespectful, opportunistic behavior from Warner Brothers and everybody involved with making the film.

Movie That I Really Need/Want to Re-Watch, but Didn't Get the Chance to Before This Piece: Anaconda (1997)

Anaconda is a weird horror/creature feature that alternates between being legitimately bad and entertainingly bad. Naturally, that makes it the type of movie I'd like to see again. Some late 90's that fell under a similar category (Wild Wild West, Volcano) became more enjoyable to me on rewatch and I really need confirmation that I didn't hallucinate whatever the hell Jon Voight was doing in this movie.   

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 25 Quarterbacks

An annual tradition that started due to boredom and the inconsistent volume of movies/albums to write about in May and June is back for another year. Over the next couple months, I'll be ranking the best players at every NFL position that isn't long snapper, gunner, or kick/punt returner. Here's the criteria for the series:

1.Rookies are excluded from inclusion

2.Players are judged on where they currently stand in my opinion, not the player they once were or potentially could be.

3.Each player is listed as a member of the team that they're currently rostered by. If they're not under contract with a team for 2023 at the time of posting, they'll be listed as a free agent

Kicking off the 2023 edition of my NFL Position Ranking Series is quarterbacks-which is a list that has gotten considerably more interesting to assemble in recent years now that Drew Brees, Ben Roethlisberger and Tom Brady have all retired. Hope you enjoy and be sure to check back often for new entries.  

Note: Since he's projected to be out for the entire 2023 season, Brock Purdy has been excluded from the rankings.

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2022   

25.(19) Mac Jones (Patriots)

24.(+) Justin Fields (Bears)

23.(+) Baker Mayfield (Buccaneers) 

22.(15) Ryan Tannehill (Titans)

21.(+) Jacoby Brissett (Commanders)

20.(+) Deshaun Watson (Browns)

19.(23) Tua Tagovailoa (Dolphins)

18.(6) Russell Wilson (Broncos)

17.(16) Jimmy Garoppolo (Raiders)

16.(+) Daniel Jones (Giants)

15.(14) Kyler Murray (Cardinals)

14.(12) Derek Carr (Saints)

13.(20) Jared Goff (Lions)

12.(+) Trevor Lawrence (Jaguars)

11.(+) Geno Smith (Seahawks)

10.(5) Matthew Stafford (Rams)

9.(9) Dak Prescott (Cowboys)

8.(11) Kirk Cousins (Vikings)

7.(1) Aaron Rodgers (Jets)

6.(8) Justin Herbert (Chargers)

5.(10) Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

4.(18) Jalen Hurts (Eagles)

3.(4) Josh Allen (Bills)

2.(7) Joe Burrow (Bengals)

1.(2) Patrick Mahomes (Chiefs)

Movie Review: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3

A lot has happened since the last Guardians of the Galaxy movie came out in May 2017. Gamora (Zoe Saldana) got killed in Avengers: Infinity War then came back to life through the magic of the Multiverse in Avengers: Endgame. Chris Pratt developed a vocal legion of online haters seemingly overnight. And most notably, James Gunn got fired from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 over some 10+ year old tweets, agreed to make The Suicide Squad for DC shortly after his dismissal from Marvel, eventually got re-hired for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 after public pressure from the cast and fans and in an ironic twist of fate, is now taking on a Kevin Feige-esque role for DC as Warner Brothers aims to re-tool the iconic superhero brand's shared universe that has been famously erratic in both vision and film quality since it launched in 2013. After a longer-than-expected journey, the time to say farewell to Marvel's favorite team of oddballs has finally arrived and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 provides a swan song that deserves to go down as one of the biggest triumphs in the history of the superhero genre.

Considering the "long teaser for future movies" narrative format that has long been among the biggest and most consistent flaws in the MCU, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 feels like a fucking miracle. It tells a contained yet deeply consequential, character-driven story (the film is solely based on a mission that reunites the original team and explores the previously untold backstory of Rocket Raccoon) that relies heavily on the relationships between its characters and this whacky little thing called genuine human emotion to engage the audience. By telling this specific story through the lens of a last hoorah for everybody involved, both Gunn and his returning cast (Pratt, Saldana, Dave Bautista, Karen Gillan, Pom Klementieff, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Sean Gunn) felt compelled to go all-out in service of concluding these characters' shared journey. This specific mission provides plenty of moments for the team to be their usual goofy selves as they bicker over objectives and how to execute to them, but it's also a much darker, somber journey that forces them to cope with a lot of very heavy things including Gamora no longer being the person they knew and loved, facing the demons you've spent your entire life running away from and the very real threat of losing each other forever as they face off against a powerful, God-like figure named The High Evolutionary (Chukwudi Iwuji-best known to comic fans as Murn from Gunn's Peacemaker-who makes for a refreshingly despicable, menacing MCU villain) that is hell bent to extract revenge on Rocket. 

When the final scenes arrive, a tidal wave of emotion comes with them. These characters have grown together over the course of multiple movies and seeing them come to terms with their identities, the difficult yet necessary act of acceptance that is saying goodbye to the people that you love and gaining the strength to face their fears through the love they built for each other results in moments that are heartbreaking and beautiful in equal measure. No superhero movie has ever possessed a heart this large or pure and despite all of the really great shit that Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 has going for it (villain, comedy, action, CGI/prosthetics, pacing, some really freaky/weird/disturbing body horror moments), the sensitive, powerful writing from Gunn and the beautifully realized performances from this ensemble that made this emotional closing of a chapter in the lives of these characters that care deeply for each other sing is easily the biggest reason this movie is so impressive.            

As silly, over-the-top reactionary and toxic as the online discourse surrounding superhero movies and the narratives that stem from them can be, Gunn came in at a time where the public opinion towards the genre is the most negative it's been since at least the mid-2010's and made something that reminded people of just how fucking great these movies can be when they're crafted by people that give a shit about the product they're making. These movies-MCU or otherwise- are usually so devoid of a personal touch and any real care towards the handling of its characters that when someone comes along with a distinct voice and deep love and respect for the people in the stories they're telling, it feels like somebody let Guy Fieri loose in a massive micromanaged kitchen that doesn't tend to breed much in the way of out of bounds flavors. What lies ahead for both the Guardians and the broader MCU after Vol.3 is alarmingly uncertain, but one thing is for sure: the future of DC couldn't be in better hands with Gunn helping build their new road map as both a filmmaker and executive. 

Grade: A

Bailando Crowdfunding Campaign (Update)

Hello all,

I wanted to provide an update on the crowdfunding campaign for my friend Feliciano Segundo Jr.'s short film Bailando. While him and his team have raised just under $3,500 so far, they're still well short of the $9,820 threshold that would give them the greenlight to make the film. Making matters worse, if they don't hit it in 12 days when the campaign ends, they'll get none of the money they've raised so far. If you can swing it, I urge you to make a contribution by following the link at the bottom of this post. Feliciano has been working tirelessly over the past several years for the opportunity to make a project that he has a real creative stake in and while I don't know his collaborators personally, I'm confident that they have the same drive and passion for filmmaking and telling stories that represent the Dominican-American experience that is hardly ever shown on screen.

Thanks,

Chris Maitland

https://seedandspark.com/fund/bailandomovie#story

Quick Movie Reviews: Evil Dead Rise, Beau is Afraid, Polite Society

Evil Dead Rise: By settling on a tone that sits somewhere between the playfully over-the-top campy stylings of Sam Raimi's Evil Dead II and the unrelenting gruesome brutality of Fede Alvarez's Evil Dead and moving the action from a cabin in the woods to a dingy apartment complex that's mere weeks away from being vacated and torn down, Lee Cronin (The Hole in the Ground) is able to put his own stamp on the franchise while also honoring what came before him with Evil Dead Rise. The decrepit, largely contained setting allows for a feeling of slowly-escalating unease to build with ease, Alyssa Sutherland's performance as a mother of 3 who becomes the first main character to be victimized by the demons that are unwittingly unleashed from the pages of the Necronomicon by her curious yet dopey teenage son (Morgan Davies) who discovers the cursed book in the rubble of an earthquake that levels part of their building is creepy and often very funny and Cronin brings a giddiness to the director's chair that makes the movie organically fun-especially during the moments where it's going for sadistic laughs. Raimi and Bruce Campbell have to be proud that their creation landed in Cronin's caring, talented hands and Warner Brothers would be wise to bring him back for the inevitable next installment.      

Grade: B

Beau Is Afraid: Man oh man did Ari Aster swing for the fences with this one. Beau Is Afraid is a surrealist, VERY dark comedy about a paranoid, anxiety-riddled man (Joaquin Phoenix-in one of the best performances of his prolific career) living alone in an unnamed city who confronts his complicated relationship with his mother (Patti LuPone in the present, Zoe Lister-Jones in flashbacks-both are exceptionally good) as he makes the long, difficult journey home to see her. It's a purposefully unpleasant watch that becomes very tedious-particularly in the 45-minute-or-so stretch after Nathan Lane and Amy Ryan's characters exit the movie and Parker Posey and LuPone enter-at times, but when Aster's warped vision is clicking, it's a mesmerizing and uncomfortably hilarious look at how parents can leave permanent scars on their child's brains without even realizing they're hurting them. While I definitely won't be in any rush to watch it again, I'm glad that A24 was willing to give Aster the money (the budget was reportedly $35 mil, which would make it the most expensive movie they've ever produced) to make such a deeply personal movie that boasts less than zero commercial viability. . 

Side note: I'll never be able to hear Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby" without thinking of this movie again. The letter that Aster wrote to Carey must've been incredible because it's truly unbelievable that she granted him permission to use the song in such a deeply fucked up scene.      

Grade: B

Polite Society: Polite Society is a fascinating case study in just how much damage an ineffective plot twist can do to a movie. For the opening 2/3, the feature directorial debut from Nida Manzoor is a pretty solid movie centered around a believable relationship between two British-Pakistani sisters (Priya Kansara, Ritu Arya) that gets tested once Arya's character begins a relationship with a charming doctor (Akshay Kanna) that quickly becomes very serious that is given a kind of heightened reality backdrop via some Edgar Wright-esque stylistic flourishes that give both its comedy bits and wire fu-inspired martial arts sequences a nice jolt of whacky energy (Kansara's character is an aspiring stunt performer and dedicates all of her free time to attending karate classes and uploading fight choreography to her YouTube channel). When the twist comes along, the movie makes an abrupt, jarring tonal/genre shift that not only sinks the finale, but retroactively makes what preceded it feel pretty unfocused. There's enough good ideas on display here to be optimistic about the quality of Manzoor's future output, but how quickly Polite Society goes from being a pretty solid comedy/family drama with martial arts interludes to a messy misfire with a baffling identity crisis is an unpleasant shock to the senses that will be difficult to forget.    

Grade: C-

Zoe Saldana Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related awards superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Zoe Saldana-whose latest project "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3" arrives in theaters today.

Zoe Saldana's Filmography Ranked:

24.Avatar (D)

23.Guess Who (C)

22.Colombiana (C)

21.Star Trek Beyond (C+)

20.Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 (C+)

19.Amsterdam (B-)

18.Infinitely Polar Bear (B-)

17.The Book of Life (B-)

16.Drumline (B-)

15.The Adam Project (B-)

14.The Losers (B)

13.Vampires vs. the Bronx (B)

12.The Words (B)

11.Takers (B)

10.Live by Night (B)

9.Vantage Point (B)

8.Death at a Funeral (B)

7.Out of the Furnace (B)

6.Star Trek Into Darkness (B+)

5.Avengers: Endgame (A-)

4.Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (A)

3.Star Trek (A) 

2.Guardians of the Galaxy (A)

1.Avengers: Infinity War (A)

Top Dog: Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Real, urgent narrative stakes and the palpable sense that the heroes were doomed to fail in their mission to stop Thanos makes Avengers: Infinity War one of the MCU's crowning achievements thus far.  

Bottom Feeder: Avatar (2009)

As proven by the remarkable $2.3 billion global box office haul of Avatar: The Way of Water this past winter, a lot of people are very excited about the world that James Cameron has built on Pandora. I am not among this group. With its corny story, stiff acting and brutally tedious 165-minute runtime, Avatar is everything I hate about Cameron's post-True Lies output wrapped up into one visually-breathtaking package  

Most Underrated: Out of the Furnace (2013)

Scott Cooper's follow-up to his breakout debut Crazy Heart is in a dead heat with Hostiles for the title of his most slept-on movie. While the script for this crime drama definitely could've been a bit tighter, the collection of strong performances (Christian Bale, Woody Harrelson, Casey Affleck, Willem Dafoe, Forest Whitaker, Saldana, Sam Shepard) its ensemble cast turn in, raw honesty in which it shows off how the mental scars they earned in combat can prevent veterans from reacclimating to society and the dark corners of the world they'll turn to in order to earn an income and Cooper's flare for building menacing atmospheres where danger lurks around every corner are enough for it to power through its narrative rough patches.   

Most Overrated: Avatar (2010)

Short of the groundbreaking visual effects, there's nothing even remotely special about Avatar. The narrative is a flat, groan-worthy soap opera, the acting is astoundingly bad for a major Hollywood production and Cameron's dialogue is clunkier than a 1973 Ford Pinto. 

Most Undeserving of the Hate Its Earned: Death at a Funeral (2010) 

Was an American remake of Death at a Funeral necessary? No. Does this mean that it sucks? Also, no. Neil LaBute's take on the British cult classic dark comedy that retained the services of writer Dean Craig and Peter Dinklage is like watching a talented cover band perform: It's not quite the same as watching the original artists do it,  but it's a well-executed tribute that respects and understands the spirit of the real thing.    

10 Most Anticipated Movies of Summer 2023

While great movies can be released at any time of year, there's just something about the summer season that hits different. Every studio from the majors to the indies are hurling out slates of diverse product to attempt to bring people together in a (hopefully) air-conditioned building and it routinely leads to great big screen experiences with packed, enthusiastic crowds. 

In my eyes at least, the 2023 slate is considerably more exciting than the past 2 years. There's some massive blockbuster franchise finales (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny),indie flicks that lit up the festival circuits this past fall/winter (Sanctuary, Past Lives, Talk to Me), a unique opportunity for any cinema diehard to pull off a whiplash-inducing double feature starting on the weekend of July 21st (Barbie, Oppenheimer) and the long overdue return of an old summer staple: the theatrically-released R-rated comedy (Strays, The Blackening, No Hard Feelings, Joy Ride, Please Don't Destroy). Movie fans haven't been fed this balanced of a diet in the summertime since 2019 and I couldn't be more excited to start digging into this feast this upcoming weekend. Here are the 10 movies I'm most excited to see this summer movie season. 

10.Hypnotic (May 12):

The long journey to the screen for Robert Rodriguez's passion project that was originally conceived in 2002 then indefinitely put into limbo once it wrapped shooting in the fall of 2021 after initial distributor/funder Solstice Studios folded is just about over. This sci-fi mystery thriller about a cop (Ben Affleck) who stumbles upon a strange supernatural conspiracy as he searches for his missing daughter looks to be an interesting change of pace for the veteran director and although I am a bit concerned that it will be overstuffed given its short running time (93 minutes), Rodriguez's track record outside of his kids movies is strong enough for me to have faith in his ability to make it work.  

9.Talk to Me (July 28): 

Australian twin brothers Danny and Michael Philippou (aka as retired Youtubers RackaRacka) stunned audiences at this year's Sundance with their narrative feature debut and after a heated bidding war, A24 won the North American distribution rights and promptly handed it a prime summer release date. Talk to Me looks to be an inspired, deeply disturbing take on the demonic possession horror genre and I'm excited to finally get a chance to see it at the end of July after hearing so many good things about it since January.

8.Joy Ride (July 7): 

Of the aforementioned large cluster of R-rated comedies arriving in theaters this summer, Joy Ride tops my list of most anticipated. The redband trailer is hilarious and the reviews following its premiere at SXSW in March as well as its screening at CinemaCon last week were very enthusiastic, which indicates that longtime screenwriter/producer Adele Lim (Crazy Rich Asians, Raya and the Last Dragon) made one of hell a transition to the director's chair. 

7.Extraction 2 (June 16): 

Extraction was a gift from action movie heaven during the early days of the COVID lockdown in April 2020. While I'm not dumb enough to expect that a bigger budget will allow director Sam Hargrave and star Chris Hemsworth to make a sequel that improves upon the original, the confirmed inclusion of a 14-minute one take action scene-which would top the original's 11-minute car chase/apartment complex shootout/street knife fight sequence and a teaser trailer that showed off about 75 seconds of an insane sequence where Hemsworth's Tyler Rake fights off a large group of assailants with a riot shield is a very promising sign that they were able to do just that.

6.Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (June 30):

Indiana Jones deserves a better send-off than the cheesy, uneven Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and I'm cautiously optimistic that he'll get it with The Dial of Destiny. James Mangold (Ford v. Ferrari, Logan) is an excellent choice to succeed Steven Spielberg as director, both trailers released so far have been impressive and most importantly, I don't think Harrison Ford would have returned to play a character that he has such a deep love for if he didn't believe in the project.  

5.Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (June 2):

Into the Spider-Verse was a heartfelt, deeply entertaining movie with a groundbreaking animation style that melded together hand-drawn art with CG. The sequel seems poised to be another emotional, visually breathtaking adventure and the additions to the voice cast (Issa Rae, Daniel Kaluuya, Karan Soni, Andy Samberg, Oscar Isaac in an expanded role after being introduced during a post-credits scene in Into the Spider-Verse) are awesome.  

4.Barbie (July 21): 

Warner Brothers hiring Greta Gerwig to make the Barbie movie rules so hard. I wasn't exactly sure what direction she was going to take this movie in when she was announced as the writer/director back in 2019 (and quite frankly, I'm still not 100% sure), but Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling and an absurdly loaded supporting cast (there's far too many to list, but the headliners in terms of screen time seem to be Issa Rae, Kate McKinnon, America Ferrara, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Simu Liu and Will Ferrell) getting the chance to be goofballs while playing live-action versions of iconic dolls is a home run sales pitch that could lead to some incredible results. 

3.Mission-Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One (July 12): 

The beginning of the end for Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and his team (Rebecca Ferguson, Ving Rhames, Simon Pegg) means that Cruise is going to push his love of flirting with death in the name of entertainment to new heights. On top of that excellent selling point, there's a whole bunch of new actors joining the fold (Hayley Atwell, Esai Morales, Pom Klementieff, Shea Wigham, Mariela Garigga, Cary Elwes, Greg Tarzan Davis, Rob Delaney, Indria Varma, Mark Gatniss) as well as the return of Henry Cznery as Hunt's former boss Ethan Kittridge from the first film and Vanessa Kirby as arms dealer Alanna "The White Widow" Mitsopolis from Fallout that should help elevate the espionage intrigue between the jaw-dropping stunt/action work that this series has become known for of late. 

2.Fast X (May 19): 

Putting a movie that had such a strange, troubled production with original director Justin Lin leaving after a week of shooting and being quickly replaced by Louis Leterrier (Now You See Me, The Incredible Hulk)-who was then tasked with reworking the bulk of the movie on the fly-this high on the list is flat-out reckless-especially when the previous film was the franchise's weakest entry in over a decade. However, I just can't quit my love for Fast and Furious and even if the opening half of this franchise's grand finale ends up not delivering the over-the-top action goods, the opportunity to see Jason Momoa have the time of his life in a hammy villain role should make the film at least somewhat enjoyable. 

1.Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 (May 5):

Despite finding Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 to be a massively disappointing follow-up to one of the MCU's best movies, I firmly believe James Gunn will be able to give these great characters the grand, powerful finale they deserve after seeing how much he's grown as a storyteller with The Suicide Squad and Peacemaker.

Also Plan on Watching: 

BlackBerry (May 12)

Fool's Paradise (May 12)

The Starling Girl (May 12)

Sanctuary (May 19) 

White Men Can't Jump (May 19)

Kandahar (May 26)

The Wrath of Becky (May 26)

You Hurt My Feelings (May 26)

The Boogeyman (June 2) 

Past Lives (June 2) 

Flamin' Hot (June 9)

Strays (June 9)

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (June 9)

Asteroid City (June 16)

The Blackening (June 16)

Elemental (June 16)

The Flash (June 16)

No Hard Feelings (June 23)

Oppenheimer (July 21)

They Cloned Tyrone (July 21)

Haunted Mansion (July 28)

Meg 2: The Trench (August 4)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (August 4) 

Gran Turismo (August 11)

Heart of Stone (August 11)

Blue Beetle (August 18)

Please Don't Destroy (August 18)

Lift (August 25)

10 Most Anticipated Albums of Summer 2023

10.The Acacia Strain-Step Into the Light and Failure Will Follow (Release Date: May 12)

9.The Ocean-Holocene (Release Date: May 19)

8.Cattle Decapitation-Terrasite (Release Date: May 12) 

7.Metro Boomin-Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Soundtrack (Release Date: June 2)

6.The Weeknd-The Idol: Vol 1 (Release Date: TBD)

5.Drain-Living Proof (Release Date: May 5)

4.Denzel Curry-13lood 1n 13lood Out Reloaded (Release Date: TBD)

3.Killer Mike-Michael (Release Date: June 16)

2.Unearth-The Wretched; The Ruinous (Release Date: May 5)

1.Veil of Maya-(m)other (Release Date: May 12)

Also Plan on Listening To:

Currents-The Death We Seek (Release Date: May 5)

Dropkick Murphys-Okemah Rising (Release Date: May 12)

Kesha-Gag Order (Release Date: May 19)

Avenged Sevenfold-Life is but a Dream.. (Release Date: June 2)

Foo Fighters-But Here We Are (Release Date: June 2)

Benny the Butcher and Hit-Boy-Everybody Can't Go (Release Date: August 11)

Noname-Sundial (Release Date: TBD July)

2023 NFL Draft Recap: Biggest Winners and Losers, Best and Worst Value Picks, Draft Grades and More

Biggest Winners: Houston Texans

When the Texans went out and hired DeMeco Ryans to be their new head coach, it felt like they were signaling a radical change in approach after back-to-back farcical tank years where they tasked David Culley and Lovie Smith with overseeing an operation that was set up to fail then cruelly gave them the boot at the end of the year. This philosophy carried over to the Draft and I got to say I loved the urgency and gusto behind their apporach. Aided by the extra 1st round pick they picked up in the Deshaun Watson trade and Nick Caserio's surprising willingness to give up valuable future assets (most notably one of their 1st round picks in 2024) to move up the board, the Texans were able to land a franchise quarterback in C.J. Stroud and the consensus best defensive player available in Will Anderson. Landing a pair of potential cornerstone players in the same draft, let alone with back-to-back picks, is some Madden Fantasy Draft-level shit that could end up expediting the Texans rebuilding efforts. Everything else they did afterwards is just gravy, although the picks of slot burner/remarkably crafty route-runner Tank Dell in the 3rd round and center Juice Scruggs-who is a great fit for their new zone-blocking heavy scheme under OC Bobby Slowik-could also prove to be highly valuable additions to their young corps. 

Honorable Mentions: Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, Indianapolis Colts 

Biggest Losers: New York Jets

This is more of an indictment of what the Jets didn't do opposed to the players they actually drafted. When they committed to bringing in Aaron Rodgers, they decided that they were going all-in on winning a title within the next year or two. Part of the deal with suddenly implementing a win-now mentality is an aggressive commitment to addressing your roster's biggest weaknesses. After a bafflingly quiet free agency period that was headlined by the additions of Rodgers' friend/WR3 Allen Lazard and competent yet not overly impactful veteran safety Chuck Clark-neither of which were top positions of need, the Jets also failed to commit to meaningfully solving their roster problems at the Draft. Spending a 1st round pick on another edge rusher (Will McDonald IV) to add their already loaded rotation is flat-out inexcusable, center Joe Tippmann might not even get on the field this year as the Jets just re-signed Connor McGovern-who has started for them since 2020 and consistently played pretty well and both guard spots should be occupied by Alijah Vera-Tucker and Laken Tomlinson barring injury and the couple of Day 3 picks they made that were at spots (tackle Carter Warren, linebacker Zaire Barnes) of need aren't exactly safe bets to make an impact right away. So, to recap, the Jets are betting big on a nearly 40-year-old quarterback and didn't invest in the tackle help he desperately needs to prevent him from getting decapitated by edge rushers or the inside linebacker/corner depth they needed to ensure their defense remains one of the best in the league. If the Rodgers experiment fails, this draft approach driven by luxury instead of practicality could end up being one of the central reasons why. 

Dishonorable Mentions: Green Bay Packers, San Francisco 49ers, Minnesota Vikings 

Best Value Pick: Christan Gonzalez to the Patriots (17th overall)

I don't know what is more shocking, that a projected top 7 pick slipped all the way down to #17 or that the Patriots were the team that finally took him. Gonzalez is one of the cleanest corner prospects in arguably the deepest class we've seen at this position in recent memory. He's got the speed (4.38) to keep up with anybody downfield, tremendous ball skills, fluid technique that allows him to effortlessly backpedal or change directions on a whim and a knack for playing physical without drawing many flags. Given the smaller stature of both Jonathan Jones and Marcus Jones, Jalen Mills' expected shift back to safety and uncertainty around Jack Jones' standing with Bill Belichick after being fined by the team for undisclosed rule violations, Gonzalez should be in the mix for one of the starting outside corner spots right away. 

Honorable Mentions: Joey Porter Jr. to the Steelers (32nd overall), Brian Branch to the Lions (45th overall), Josh Downs to the Colts (79th overall) 

Worst Value Pick: Lukas Van Ness to the Packers (13th overall)

Throughout the evaluation process, Van Ness struck me as the pass-rusher equivalent of a "Looks Good in Shorts Quarterback". While he's a physical specimen with elite strength, length and speed for his size (6'5, 272 lbs), he wasn't able to generate much production (13 sacks and 19 TFL's in 26 games) despite being a cornerstone player on one of the best defenses in college football. On top of my doubts about Van Ness' ability to be a great pass-rusher in the pros, spending a 1st round pick at a position where they already have Rashan Gary and Preston Smith producing at a high level is a baffling use of a high-value asset for a team that isn't exactly overflowing with talent (especially on offense). 

Dishonorable Mentions: Emmanuel Forbes to the Commanders (16th overall), Jonathan Mingo to the Panthers (39th overall), Gervon Dexter Sr. to the Bears (52nd overall) 

Top Undrafted Free Agent: Sean Tucker, running back (Signed by the Buccaneers)

Although there were only 18 running backs drafted in 2023, I'm still very surprised that Tucker wasn't among them. Even with a reported mystery medical flag on his resume, Tucker's eye-popping burst and tackle-evading shiftiness in tight quarters and the open field alike should've put him in contention to be a Day 3 selection. Alas, the Buccaneers are an ideal landing spot for Tucker as their RB depth chart behind Rachaad White is completely unsettled now that Leonard Fournette is gone. 

Honorable Mentions: Andre Carter II, edge rusher (Signed by the Vikings), Ronnie Hickman, safety (Signed by the Browns), Keaton Mitchell, running back (Signed by the Ravens) 

Draft Grades: (Each team's draft class can be found here: https://www.nfl.com/news/2023-nfl-draft-final-quick-snap-grades-for-all-32-teams)

Arizona Cardinals: B+

Atlanta Falcons: A-

Baltimore Ravens: B

Buffalo Bills: B 

Carolina Panthers: B-

Chicago Bears: B

Cincinnati Bengals: B+

Cleveland Browns: A-

Dallas Cowboys: B

Denver Broncos: B-

Detroit Lions: A-

Green Bay Packers: C

Houston Texans: A

Indianapolis Colts: A

Jacksonville Jaguars: C+

Kansas City Chiefs: B

Las Vegas Raiders: B-

Los Angeles Chargers: B-

Los Angeles Rams: B

Miami Dolphins: B

Minnesota Vikings: C+

New England Patriots: B-

New Orleans Saints: B

New York Giants: B

New York Jets: C-

Philadelphia Eagles: A

Pittsburgh Steelers: A

San Francisco 49ers: C

Seattle Seahawks: A-

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: B

Tennessee Titans: B+

Washington Commanders: B-