Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Movie Review: Hit Man


Getting one ascending star to lead an indie movie is a stroke of good fortune. Getting a pair of them is like completing a Hail Mary for a touchdown. Hit Man pulls off that euphoric miracle play with its call sheet-topping duo of Glen Powell and Adria Arjona. The delicate balancing act of Richard Linklater's darkly comedic romantic crime thriller about a nerdy college professor (Powell) who moonlights as a fake hitman-for-hire for the New Orleans Police Department whose entire operation gets suddenly upended when he meets a woman (Arjona) who wants to kill her estranged husband (Evan Holtzman) probably doesn't work without actors that don't have the chops to handle the array of notes this wacky script (penned by Linklater and Powell himself) plays. Powell juggles being a soft-spoken, philosophical guy and a suave, eccentric chameleon that adapts to whatever situation he's placed in with complete ease-often blurring the lines between his character Gary Johnson and the personas Gary creates to catch his "clients" redhanded committing a crime while Arjona puts a modern spin on a classic noir femme fatale archetype by making Madison Masters a woman that is just as mysterious and confounding as she is charming and curious. They both do such an excellent job of embodying hurt people that have walled themselves off from others as a defense mechanism and all of the great and bad shit that happens when those walls come crashing down and vulnerability comes pouring out while also trying to reckon with the guilt of the damaging lies that are hiding right beneath these powerful truths.          

As great as they are as individual performers, what they do together is superhuman. There's chemistry between actors like what Powell himself has had with some of his past love interests like Sydney Sweeney and Zoey Deutch and then there's CHEMISTRY like what he was with Arjona. From the moment Gary and Madison lay eyes on each other for the first time in a diner, there's this easy yet explosive energy between them that is downright overwhelming. In the early stages of the movie, Gary has been shown to be completely uncrackable during his sting operations. His wits, calm under pressure and gift for putting people at ease to the point where they're comfortable enough to openly admit they want to pay to have somebody murdered has led to dozens of busts. Then he meets Madison, and his entire well-oiled playbook goes out the window. He actively gets her to avoid incriminating herself, engages in small talk and worst of all, eventually agrees to see her again outside of a professional context. 

The diner scene and everything that follows it wouldn't be at all convincing if the connection wasn't so strong between the performers. I'm not one of these "nobody has chemistry in the movies anymore!" people, but what is going on between Powell and Arjona here is special. They have the kind of immediate, undeniable spark that everybody aims to have when they make a romantic movie but almost never actually find. There's a playfulness, passion and sense of yearning in the air during their interactions that shows off the depth of their connection in ways that words alone never could. There's never even a hint of doubt as to why these people are willing to jeopardize everything else in their lives for each other. Considering how they met, they aren't unafraid of any messiness that comes along, they're full-on embracing it and no amount of water in the world could possibly put out the flames that exist between them. Apologies in advance to any other romantic movies released in the near future. The chemistry bar has been raised and it's going to take some serious effort to reach it, let alone clear it.  

The slickness of Hit Man's ambitious genre mashup and exploration of fearless self-discovery in the face of danger gets a little cute for its own good with an ending that's both too convenient and silly for an otherwise pretty grounded movie. Seeing something that is otherwise such a good time stumble late is a bit disheartening, but it's hardly the first noir-inspired movie to hurt itself with a weak ending, so in a weird way it might make the homage stronger. Alas, its poor finale is just a small bump in the road for this great little movie that is probably the best thing Netflix has released on their platform in 6 months and the loudest possible way for Powell and Arjona to announce that they are the real fucking deal.   

Grade: B+

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Outside Linebackers

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023

35.(+) Lorenzo Carter (Falcons)

34.(+) Byron Young (Rams)

33.(+) Yaya Diaby (Buccaneers)

32.(+) Zaven Collins (Cardinals)

31.(+) Tuli Tuipulotu (Chargers)

30.(21) Pete Werner (Saints)

29.(34) Arden Key (Titans)

28.(+) Baron Browning (Broncos)

27.(+) Leo Chenal (Chiefs)

26.(+) Christian Harris (Texans)

25.(14) Uchena Nwosu (Seahawks)

24.(+) De'Vondre Campbell (49ers)

23.(+) Drue Tranquill (Chiefs)

22.(+) Boye Mafe (Seahawks)

21.(19) Harold Landry (Titans)

20.(13) Dre Greenlaw (49ers)

19.(+) Kyle Van Noy (Ravens)

18.(16) Shaq Barrett (Dolphins)

17.(+) Brandon Graham (Eagles)

16.(22) Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah (Browns)

15.(+) Odafe Oweh (Ravens)

14.(+) Josh Sweat (Eagles)

13.(+) Bryce Huff (Eagles)

12.(27) Jahlani Tavai (Patriots)

11.(+) Jadeveon Clowney (Panthers)

10.(+) Andrew Van Ginkel (Vikings)

9.(+) Jonathan Greenard (Vikings)

8.(8) T.J. Edwards (Bears)

7.(9) Jaelan Phillips (Dolphins)

6.(2) Joey Bosa (Chargers)

5.(17) Bradley Chubb (Dolphins)

4.(4) Matthew Judon (Patriots)

3.(5) Alex Highsmith (Steelers)

2.(12) Khalil Mack (Chargers)

1.(1) T.J. Watt (Steelers)

Monday, June 10, 2024

Movie Review: Bad Boys: Ride or Die

A lot has happened to the top creative personnel behind Bad Boys for Life since it was released in theaters in January 2020. Will Smith won an Oscar, got banned from the Academy for 10 years and exposed to the world that Judd Apatow has no clue the level of force that's required for a human being to kill another person with their bare hands. Martin Lawrence embarked on his first serious acting role in an indie thriller called Mindcage where John Malkovich plays a convicted, imprisoned serial killer who rocks a long-haired wig that couldn't have cost more than $20 at Party City. Directing duo Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah had their Batgirl movie shelved deep into post-production because anti-art stooge David Zaslav wanted to give Warner Brothers a tax break. After this tumultuous personal and professional period, these artists reconvened last year to make another Bad Boys movie. While I clearly have no clue if it benefited their lives away from set, Ride or Die feels like the work of people who couldn't be happier to have the opportunity to leave behind all the industry bullshit they've dealt with of late and get back to what really matters: making movies.

Anybody who saw Bad Boys for Life won't be particularly shocked by the overall direction Ride or Die goes in. The plot is once again just as focused on Mike Lowry and Marcus Burnett trying to reconcile with the scars brought on by aging as it is their quest to bring down the bad guys-which in this case is a psychotic corrupt DEA agent (Eric Dane) who has framed them and the late Captain Conrad Howard (Joe Pantoliano) for the string of cartel-related crimes he's committed, there's some borderline supernatural quirks sprinkled into the script/action beats that make the film a different brand of over-the-top than it was when Michael Bay was at the helm, and Mike's illegitimate son Armando (Jacob Scipio) gets an unlikely redemption arc after being the co-antagonist in the previous film when a key development early in the film forces him to reluctantly team up with his father. What differentiates it from for Life and ultimately, makes it a bit of an improvement is the greater sense of urgency that its leads and filmmakers bring to the project. These gentlemen have taken some hits in the industry and in the case of Smith, his career looked like it might even be in jeopardy as Ride or Die marked the first time since "The Slap" that he got offered a gig. Ride or Die is the cathartic redemption victory lap that these guys have wanted to take for quite some time now and as both a fan of action films and people triumphantly flipping the double birds to those who have wronged them, it was beautiful to witness. 

Smith and Lawrence's well-established natural buddy rapport feels more meaningful this time around as Marcus and Mike show a real gratitude for as each other while their whole world spins out of control. Even the hilarious ball-busting that represents the bread and butter of their dialogue exchanges is rooted in a sense of love and respect here. These characters have been through the ringer with each other for almost 30 years now and the appreciation for the reliability of each other's presence and the unbreakable bond they share has considerably grown with age. The only way this current iteration of the Lowry/Burnett partnership could've been better would've been if they had saved "We ride. We die together. Bad Boys for Life" line for this installment. Chalk up another loss for whoever decided to name the third film Bad Boys for Life!  

As for Adill and Billal, it turns out that For Life was just them dipping their toes in the Bad Boys water and focusing on acclimating to the world that Michael Bay built without rocking the boat too much. Now that they're comfortable playing in the Bad Boys sandbox, the duo took it upon themselves to go full sicko mode this time around. The blocking and shot selections of the action sequences-particularly in the latter half of the film-is among the craziest this genre has produced in at least the last decade. Drones frantically bob and weave through confined indoor environments to profile exactly what our heroes have to contend with in order to escape with their lives. A camera is placed outside of a descending glass elevator to track the brutal 1 v.1 fight that's taking place inside. An extended first-person sequence in the finale is the seamless mix of video game concepts and movie magic that action filmmakers have been trying to achieve for the past 20 years. All of these choices along with the dozens of other inspired ones that I don't have time to profile here amass to delivering the kind of kinetic, enthralling spectacle that every fan of action films wants to see when they sit down to watch one of these movies. Creating their own distinctly chaotic language in action cinema is really the best way to honor what Bay started and as long as no more clueless evil executive throws their future movies in the trash, this tandem should be able to put together a great, long career in Hollywood.

When the dust settles on this summer, Bad Boys: Ride or Die will go down among the highlights. It's simply a highly entertaining film full of laughs, great action and heartfelt character moments that seems like it's going to resonate with audiences around the globe. Just like last month's The Fall Guy, it's the kind of movie that is tailor made to be consumed on a big screen during this portion of the calendar and it was a real treat to be served up yet another great action blockbuster in a year where there's less product of this ilk than usual on account of the strike-related delays. Wherever the Bad Boys franchise goes next is anyone's guess, but if they do indeed elect to keep it going, hopefully the impressive streak of maintaining its depraved energy and top-notch chaotic craftsmanship over 29 years will remain unbroken.                                             

Grade: B+

Thursday, June 6, 2024

Martin Lawrence Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Martin Lawrence-whose latest project "Bad Boys: Ride or Die" releases in theaters today. 

Martin Lawrence's Filmography Ranked:

18.Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (D-)

17.Big Momma's House 2 (D+)

16.Big Momma's House (D+)

15.Wild Hogs (D+)

14.House Party (C-)

13.What's the Worst That Could Happen? (C-)

12.Black Knight (C-)

11.National Security (C+)

10.Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (B-)

9.Nothing to Lose (B-)

8.Life (B)

7.Blue Streak (B)

6.Death at a Funeral (B)

5.Bad Boys for Life (B+)

4.The Beach Bum (A-)

3.Bad Boys (A-)

2.Bad Boys II (A-)

1.Do the Right Thing (A+)

Top Dog: Do the Right Thing (1989)

What Spike Lee did with Do the Right Thing is really incredible. Using a blisteringly hot summer day in New York City as the backdrop, Lee explores how the simmering racial tension that is at the very fabric of our society can boil up into violence at any moment if somebody turns the heat up. Its straightforward slice of life narrative structure is what makes it particularly brilliant as it shows just how quickly a routine day full of laughs, playful banter and miscellaneous mundane tasks can flip into something horrific on a whim. Hopefully this devastating masterpiece can continue to stand the test of time.     

Bottom Feeder: Big Mommas House: Like Father, Like Son (2011)

There may not be a franchise released this century that was less deserving of becoming a trilogy than Big Mommas House. The comedy in these films is so consistently lowbrow and cringeworthy that they make Eddie Murphy's Nutty Professor movies look like Being John Malkovich. Remarkably, the third film in the franchise is somehow considerably worse than the first two. Like Father, Like Son sees Lawrence aimlessly punching a clock doing another string of groaner bits surrounding crossdressing, obesity, etc. and Brandon T. Jackson-who plays Lawrence's college-age son-willingly tanking a career that appeared to have a lot of promise after his hilarious supporting turn in Tropic Thunder.

Most Underrated: The Beach Bum (2019)

In a weird way, The Beach Bum seems like Harmony Korine's way of expressing the peace he's found in life. Of course, this journey to serenity involves copious drug use, surreal bursts of dark comedy and a collection of characters with questionable moral compasses, but there's a big beating heart resting underneath its scuzzy exterior! This character study surrounding a slacker poet named Moondog (Matthew McConaughey in a role that he was born to play) is a shaggy, often hilarious tale about opening yourself up to the world, channeling the devastation of loss into a will to live life to its fullest to honor the memory of a loved one and finding what really matters most in the world underneath all of the noisy bullshit humans tend to distract themselves. These are not the set of optimistic messages I expected to find in a movie made by the man behind some of the most nihilistic movies I've ever seen in my life (Spring Breakers, Gummo, Trash Humpers) and that's a big part of why I love this movie so much.         

Most Overrated: House Party (1990)

All of the love House Party was receiving in the wake of last year's admittedly mediocre remake was not something I could get behind. Like a lot of comedies from its era, it's aged like milk on account of the content of its humor (the amount of homophobia present is staggering) and the respectable chemistry between its leads (Kid n' Play) isn't enough for to overcome the lack of laughs it delivers for most of its runtime.   

Best Bad Boys Movie: Bad Boys II (2003) 

All of the first three Bad Boys movies are great, but only one serves as the ultimate showcase for the singular cinematic voice that is Michael Bay. Bad Boys II ranks as one of the most excessive, chaotic and depraved films that I've ever laid eyes upon. Just when you think things couldn't get any crazier, Bay drops an action setpiece or a shot selection or narrative choice that easily outdoes what preceded it. No fucking wonder they had to wait 17 years to make a third installment. The world needed some time to cool down after being exposed to a madman's magnum opus.     

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Defensive Tackles

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023 

35.(+) Jarran Reed (Seahawks)

34.(+) Jalen Carter (Eagles)

33.(15) Dalvin Tomlinson (Browns)

32.(35) Maliek Collins (49ers)

31.(18) Da'Ron Payne (Commanders)

30.(20) Sheldon Rankins (Bengals)

29.(+) Denico Autry (Texans))

28.(+) Shelby Harris (Browns)

27.(+) Keeanu Benton (Steelers)

26.(32) B.J. Hill (Bengals)

25.(28) Ed Oliver (Bills)

24.(27) Jordan Davis (Eagles)

23.(+) Kobie Turner (Rams)

22.(24) DaQuan Jones (Bills)

21.(17) Grover Stewart (Colts)

20.(21) Michael Pierce (Ravens)

19.(13) Grady Jarrett (Falcons)

18.(8) Jonathan Allen (Commanders)

17.(+) Osa Odighizuwa (Cowboys)

16.(+) Kenny Clark (Packers)

15.(26) Alim McNeill (Lions)

14.(+) Justin Madubuike (Ravens)

13.(29) David Onyemata (Falcons)

12.(33) Christian Barmore (Patriots)

11.(10) Javon Hargrave (49ers)

10.(9) Jeffrey Simmons (Titans)

9.(14) Arik Armstead (Jaguars)

8.(16) Vita Vea (Buccaneers)

7.(3) Cameron Hayward (Steelers)

6.(11) D.J. Reader (Lions)

5.(7) Christian Wilkins (Raiders)

4.(5) DeForest Buckner (Colts)

3.(6) Quinnen Williams (Jets)

2.(4) Dexter Lawrence (Giants)

1.(1) Chris Jones (Chiefs)

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Defensive Ends

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023

35.(+) A.J. Epenesa (Bills)

34.(+) George Karlaftis (Chiefs)

33.(+) Mike Danna (Chiefs)

32.(+) Kayvon Thibodeaux (Giants)

31.(+) Leonard Floyd (49ers)

30.(+) Dorance Armstrong (Commanders)

29.(22) Zach Allen (Broncos)

28.(26) Chase Young (Saints)

27.(23) Kwity Paye (Colts)

26.(12) John Franklin-Myers (Broncos)

25.(+) Preston Smith (Packers)

24.(21) Carl Granderson (Saints)

23.(18) Greg Rousseau (Bills)

22.(+) Jermaine Johnson (Jets)

21.(+) Malcolm Koonce (Raiders)

20.(10) Calias Campbell (Dolphins)

19.(8) Cameron Jordan (Saints)

18.(13) Leonard Williams (Seahawks)

17.(30) Samson Ebukam (Colts)

16.(+) Rashan Gary (Packers)

15.(+) Will Anderson Jr. (Texans)

14.(+) Brian Burns (Giants)

13.(6) Za'Darius Smith (Browns)

12.(11) Montez Sweat (Bears)

11.(+) Haason Reddick (Jets)

10.(14) DeMarcus Lawrence (Cowboys)

9.(+) Danielle Hunter (Texans)

8.(+) Derrick Brown (Panthers)

7.(19) Aidan Hutchinson (Lions)

6.(5) Trey Hendrickson (Bengals)

5.(+) Josh Allen (Jaguars)

4.(3) Maxx Crosby (Raiders)

3.(4) Micah Parsons (Cowboys)

2.(1) Nick Bosa (49ers)

1.(2) Myles Garrett (Browns)

Monday, June 3, 2024

Movie Review: Atlas

 

During Game 4 of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals last Monday, I saw a commercial that caused me to immediately double over with laughter. I'd actually go as far to say that I haven't laughed this hard at a television commercial since the Planters Super Bowl ad where they killed Mr. Peanut. So, what was the ad for? The Netflix original movie AtlasIn this 60 second spot, Netflix referred to the film as a "global phenomenon" and encouraged people to check it out to see what all the fuss is about. For reference purposes, Atlas had been out for 4 days when this spot aired and the evidence being used to support the global phenomenon claim is it placing #1 on their movie charts over its initial 3 days of release (as of yesterday, it remained at #1).

Now, I have a series of simple questions for anyone reading this: Does Atlas feel like a "global phenomenon" to you? Have you watched it? Has anyone you know watched it? Have you come across people talking about it in a public setting? Hell, have you even seen a fucking tweet, TikTok or any other form of social media post about it that wasn't sponsored by Netflix? My best guess is that the answer to all of the above questions for most of the people reading this is no.

Adding another layer of comedy to this ad hyping up Atlas' anecdotal success comes on the heels of Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos making comments in a New York Times profile where he claimed that last summer's biggest films Barbie and Oppenheimer would've enjoyed the same level of success if they had debuted on Netflix. While I fully understand that CEO's have to pimp their product to a hyperbolic degree every time they talk to their shareholders or give an interview, Sarandos sounds like he's not living in the same reality as the rest of the world with these comments. 

Ted, did people get dressed up with their friends or spouse to watch Damsel? Did the servers crash when the Rebel Moon movies dropped because the demand was so high? Are millions of people around the globe currently in the midst of planning A Family Affair/Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F double feature for early July? Of course not, and if Sarandos were capable of being honest with himself for even a half a second, he would admit that.

The movie side of Netflix exists for two reasons: to make shit that's designed to be background noise while the viewer scrolls through their phone or engages in some kind of household chore and to chase Oscars come Awards Season. When it comes to the former category, the actual quality of the products they're releasing isn't top of mind and pretty frequently, the complete lack of care put into their films is glaringly apparent. Atlas is as good of an example as you'll find as to the kind of movies that Netflix is primarily interested in making. 

In short, they hired a faceless journeyman Hollywood director in Brad Peyton (San Andreas, Rampage) to make a sci-fi action blockbuster that features a few stars with name recognition (Jennifer Lopez, Simu Liu, Sterling K. Brown) and bears a resemblance to a wide range of past cinematic winners from The Terminator to Pacific Rim to I, Robot. Or to put it in a way that would make the Netflix boardroom erupt into an enthusiastic nodding fit, it's a glossy piece of "content" designed to feed the almighty algorithm that serves as the service's guiding light. The end results of this idea conceived by Netflix's bean counters who let meaningless data drive the decision-making for their artistic enterprise is wait for it, a soulless shitfest of a movie that would probably have a similar approval rating as the top 3 candidates in this year's United States presidential election if they polled the people who actually sat through it until the end.   

Atlas manages to be both completely artless and devoid of entertainment value as it plods through perhaps the most lifeless human vs. robot war plot ever depicted on screen. Lopez's turn as the titular data analyst turned solider who spends most of the film stuck in a mech suit talking to a computer system (voiced by Gregory James Cohan) after the bad robot villain (Liu) ambushes the soldiers that came to find him on a distant planet after he disappeared without a trace 28 years prior is shockingly shaky for someone whose been acting for as long as she has. And to top it all off, it ends up embracing a garbage pro-AI message that only corporate bozos in the tech industry and entertainment world would applaud. What makes the failure of Atlas even sadder is that the internet won't even bother to take the time to give it the roast/meme treatment like the one the already notorious misfire Madame Web received earlier this year because the number of engaged eyeballs that laid eyes upon it pale in comparison to those that watched Sony's failed Spider-Man spinoff-which ironically is also currently among Netflix's Top 10 most watched movies (chalk up another victory for the Tudum gang!).  

Atlas being among the cornerstone entries of Netflix's Summer 2024 slate says all you need to know about who they are as a company. As much as they try to look and feel like a true major studio, their cheap imitation status can't be masked. For a company that is eager for theaters to die, the quality of the bulk of their "biggest" movies is among the strongest arguments to make for the importance of preserving the theatrical experience along with the studios that are committed to making movies for those venues. Maybe the recent hiring of veteran producer Dan Lin to head up their film division will lead to them to becoming something more than Hollywood's answer to the Great Value! brand, but as long as Sarandos remains in charge of their operation, it's impossible to be optimistic that they'll pivot away from their stubborn dedication to making artless high-priced trash like Atlas that nobody who isn't on the company payroll actually gives a shit about.                                      

Grade: D