Salma Hayek Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", where I rank a franchise or filmography and hand out assorted related accolades. This week, I'm profiling the work of Salma Hayek-whose latest project "House of Gucci" hits theaters on Wednesday.

Salma Hayek's Filmography Ranked:

22.After the Sunset (D+)

21.Like a Boss (C-)

20.Four Rooms (C-)

19.Beatriz at Dinner (C-)

18.Grown Ups 2 (C)

17.The Hummingbird Project (C)

16.Wild Wild West (C)

15.Grown Ups (C+)

14.Everly (C+)

13.Frida (B-)

12.Puss in Boots (B)

11.Here Comes the Boom (B)

10.Once Upon a Time in Mexico (B)

9.Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (B)

8.Savages (B)

7.Traffic (B)

6.The Hitman's Bodyguard (B)

5.Eternals (B+)

4.Desperado (B+)

3.From Dusk till Dawn (B+)

2.Sausage Party (A-)

1.Dogma (A-)

Top Dog: Dogma (1999)

Kevin Smith's incredible 90's run ended with a frequently hilarious film that cleverly satirizes the fundamental stories and beliefs of Christianity without discarding Smith's signature dumb humor. 

Lowlight: After the Sunset (2004)

Making a dull heist film that completely drains a magnetic ensemble cast (Pierce Brosnan, Hayek, Woody Harrelson, Naomie Harris, Don Cheadle) of their abundant charisma and wastes a gorgeous Bahamian island backdrop is a hell of a magic trick that After the Sunset manages to pull off. All the credit goes to a dreadful script that has no good jokes or clever twists and stunningly flat direction from Brett Ratner for making this seemingly impossible feat look really easy.

Most Underrated: From Dusk till Dawn (1996)

From Dusk till Dawn is a sneakily powerful testament to the importance of having the right people bring a project to life. Something that starts off as a darkly comedic crime/road movie about a pair of bank robbers (George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino) on the lam after a job gone wrong before suddenly morphing into a full-on grindhouse vampire action flick in the final act almost certainly wouldn't have worked so well if it weren't in the hands of a pair of B-movie aficionados in Robert Rodriguez and Tarantino, and a group of actors (Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Cheech Marin, Juliette Lewis, Hayek, Fred Williamson) that believed in their twisted, tongue-in-cheek vision.

Most Overrated: Frida (2002)

As well-intentioned and generally serviceable as Julie Taymor's biopic is, Frida Kahlo lived too far too interesting of a life to have it dramatized so plainly. This is a woman who not only painted some of the most strikingly unique art in the history of the world, but was nearly paralyzed after a bus accident at age 18, got involved with the Mexican Communist Party in her 20's and had an on-and-off relationship with fellow painter Diego Rivera that was exactly as wild and dysfunctional as you'd expect the union between two freewheeling artists to be. Reducing Kahlo's life of adventure, reflection and pain to something so surface level is a great disservice to who she was and hopefully somebody will step up and make the introspective, vibrant portrait of her life that she deserves at some point in the future.  

Most Overhated: Wild Wild West (1999)

The sheer, unrelenting madness of Wild Wild West isn't discussed nearly enough. Kenneth Branaugh plays a wheelchair-bound Confederate general who is hellbent on disbanding the newly formed United States and has spent years kidnapping scientists and engineers to help build a giant mechanical spider that will allow him to do so. Said giant mechanical spider was put into the movie at the insistence of producer Jon Peters-who had been trying to insert a giant mechanical spider into a movie for several years prior to Wild Wild West. After the finale in which the protagonists (Will Smith, Kevin Kline) save President Ulysses S. Grant (also Kline) from being crushed by the giant mechanical spider, Grant decides to form the Secret Service. Is the movie a god damn absurd mess that's pretty staggeringly incompetent for a huge Hollywood production? Absolutely, and that's exactly what makes it an oddly fun viewing experience.