Mark Wahlberg Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Mark Wahlberg-whose latest project "Father Stu" is in theaters now.

Mark Wahlberg's Filmography Ranked:

36.Max Payne (D)

35.Transformers: Age of Extinction (D+)

34.Broken City (D+)

33.Planet of the Apes (D+)

32.The Perfect Storm (C-)

31.Rock Star (C-)

30.Deepwater Horizon (C+)

29.Joe Bell (B-)

28.The Happening (B-)

27.Uncharted (B-)

26.Boogie Nights (B-)

25.Daddy's Home 2 (B)

24.Daddy's Home (B)

23.Date Night (B)

22.We Own the Night (B)

21.The Gambler (B)

20.Patriots Day (B)

19.Mile 22 (B)

18.All the Money in the World (B)

17.Shooter (B)

16.I Heart Huckabees (B)

15.Invincible (B)

14.Instant Family (B)

13.Four Brothers (B)

12.Ted 2 (B+)

11.Spenser Confidential (B+)

10.Lone Survivor (B+)

9.Contraband (B+)

8.2 Guns (B+)

7.Three Kings (B+)

6.The Italian Job (A)

5.Ted (A)

4.Pain & Gain (A)

3.The Other Guys (A)

2.The Fighter (A)

1.The Departed (A+)

Top Dog: The Departed (2006)

Wahlberg's acting chops constantly get dumped on and considering how stiff of a presence he can be on screen; those criticisms are really hard to argue against. One thing that nobody can take away from Wahlberg as an actor is the Oscar nomination he received for The Departed. Some would argue against the nomination on the basis of Wahlberg not having to dig too deep to play a stoic, foul-mouthed Boston cop, but I'd say that Wahlberg's firsthand knowledge of the city gave his performance an authenticity that helped the film stay at least reasonably grounded. The rest of the movie happens to be pretty good too. 

Lowlight: Max Payne (2008) 

The trailer editors that were able to make something that is so devoid of atmosphere and excitement look like an exceptionally badass noir action classic are fucking incredible at their jobs. Max Payne is a completely DOA revenge movie with a messy plot, poor performances by a collection of universally miscast actors (Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges, Ludacris, Chris O'Donell, Amaury Nolasco, Kate Burton, Donal Logue, Nelly Furtado) and really flat direction from the completely indistinct John Moore (A Good Day to Die Hard, The Omen).   

Most Underrated: Pain & Gain (2013)

Being exposed to the frantic brilliance of Ambulance this past weekend got me thinking about Michael Bay's filmography on the whole. As terrific as his best work in the action movie space (Bad Boys, The Rock, Ambulance) has been, Pain & Gain remains my favorite movie of his. Pairing Bay's chaotic energy with a bitingly hilarious script from Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely (The Chronicles of Narnia trilogy, about 15 MCU projects) and group of actors (Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Ed Harris, Tony Shalhoub, Rob Corddry, Rebel Wilson) who weren't afraid to really lean into the immense darkness present in this fact-based story makes Pain & Gain a really potent examination of what the American Dream looks like when some real piece of shit human beings are the ones chasing it.    

Most Overrated: Boogie Nights (1997)

I've got a downright colossal collection of unpopular opinions on movies, but the ones regarding Paul Thomas Anderson are near the top of the list. Outside of Licorice Pizza-which I shockingly really liked; I've found Anderson's movies to be undone by their glacial pacing and cold direction. While it's not my least favorite film of his, Boogie Nights does provide the best examples of the problems I have with Anderson as a director. He somehow managed to make a terrifically acted, beautifully shot saga about the excesses of the porn industry in the 70's/80's relatively boring. Sex, drug use and various forays into crime are depicted with the same level of energy that Joe Namath brings to his Medicare Coverage Helpline ad's and approaching scenes featuring chaotic behavior in such mundane fashion is a creative choice that simply doesn't work or make any sense.    

Best 80's Action Movie Released 3 Decades Late: 2 Guns (2013)

2 Guns is the best kind of throwback movie because it never feels like a product of the era it was actually released in. Government-conspiracy plot that is borderline incomprehensible? Check. Sarcasm-fueled reluctant buddy dynamic between the two polar opposite characters that are forced to team up? Check. Big, slick shootouts that are peppered with effective bits of comedy? Check. A cameo from Mr. T, car chase featuring several muscle cars getting destroyed and montage set to Ratt are the only things preventing this from reaching its peak 80's form.

Movie That I'm Thrilled that I Decided to Rewatch in the Past Week: The Happening (2008)

Revisiting The Happening for the first time since seeing it in theaters on opening night (June 13, 2008) brought a striking revelation to light: I don't think it was meant to be taken seriously. There's intentional comedy present in nearly every scene that seems to have been obscured by the cheap-looking deaths and heavily memed scenes ("Hot Dog Guy", Wahlberg talking to the plant). Now, this doesn't mean The Happening still doesn't have its share of issues: The pacing is pretty stagnant for a 90-minute movie and both Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel's performances are pretty poor. This rewatch did however get me to realize that this is a flawed, intentionally funny disaster movie opposed to the unintentionally hilarious disaster that I thought it was 14 years ago.