Michael Fassbender Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Michael Fassbender-whose latest project "Next Goal Wins" opens in theaters tonight.

Michael Fassbender's Filmography Ranked:

16.The Counselor (D) 

15.Haywire (D)

14.Jonah Hex (D+)

13.Alien: Covenant (D+)

12.Slow West (C-)

11.Shame (C)

10.Prometheus (B-)

9.Dark Phoenix (B)

8.12 Years a Slave (B)

7.X-Men: Apocalypse (B+)

6.X-Men: First Class (A-)

5.Steve Jobs (A-)

4.The Killer (A-)

3.X-Men: Days of Future Past (A)

2.300 (A)

1.Inglorious Basterds (A)

Top Dog: Inglorious Basterds (2009)

The start of Tarantino's ongoing alternate history-era marked an incredible return to form for him after the misstep (by his lofty standards at least) that was Death Proof. Tarantino is able to blend dark comedy, nerve-rattling tension and cathartic, over-the-top action in this engrossing interconnected story that follows an elite squad of Nazi hunters (Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, Fassbender, Til Schweiger, B.J. Novak, Gedeon Burkhard), a movie theater owner (Melanie Laurent) looking for revenge and ruthless Nazi colonel (Christoph Waltz) as they slowly work towards their paths converging in Nazi-occupied France in 1944. It's one of the best films of Tarantino's storied career and probably the one released in the 21st Century that's had the biggest cultural impact.  

Bottom Feeder: The Counselor (2013)

The most interesting and infuriating thing about Ridley Scott as a director is that truly any quality outcome is possible with his films. He's made several masterpieces, completely unwatchable pieces of shit and basically everything else in between over the course his remarkable 5+ decade career in film. The Counselor is near the top (or bottom, depending on how you look at it) of the "Completely Unwatchable Piece of Shit" list. Despite an intriguing premise surrounding a naïve American lawyer (Fassbender) who realizes far too late that getting involved in the Mexican drug trade can have deadly consequences, The Counselor manages to be a brutally dull and disjointed affair with a rushed, awkward narrative and some really horrendous performances from Fassbender, Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz.        

Most Underrated: X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

Yes, X-Men: Apocalypse is a silly movie that didn't completely sustain the momentum built up by its excellent predecessors First Class and Days of Future Past . But damn it, I still think it's a whole lot of fun and gets far more shit than it deserves. 

Most Overrated: Alien: Covenant (2017)

While I wasn't the biggest fan of Prometheus, it was at least a semi-respectable prequel to Alien that had a handful of sufficiently nasty scenes that shared some DNA with the most memorable body horror moments of the original. Alien: Covenant, on the other hand, is a pretty much useless film that sees Ridley Scott bid farewell to the franchise that launched his career into overdrive with a booming thud. Outside of an unintentionally  hilarious sequence involving one character teaching another how to play the flute, it's a shockingly lifeless affair with boring kills, predictable plot twists and real no reason to exist other than to add more useless lore to a universe that really doesn't need it.