2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Kickers

20.Nick Novak (Texans)
19.Will Lutz (Saints)
18.Robbie Gould (49ers)
17.Caleb Sturgis (Eagles)
16.Kai Forbath (Vikings)
15.Graham Gano (Panthers)
14.Phil Dawson (Cardinals)
13.Greg Zuerlein (Rams)
12.Matt Prater (Lions)
11.Brandon McManus (Broncos)
10.Nick Folk (Buccaneers)
9.Cairo Santos (Chiefs)
8.Chris Boswell (Steelers)
7.Steven Hauschka (Bills) 
6.Mason Crosby (Packers)
5.Stephen Gostkowski (Patriots)
4.Adam Vinatieri (Colts)
3.Matt Bryant (Falcons)
2.Dan Bailey (Cowboys)
1.Justin Tucker (Ravens)

2017 NBA Free Agency: Top 10 Players Available

After months of speculating about the potential landing spots of every single high-impact player on the market that isn't a lock to re-sign with their current team, the period of pure bedlam that's otherwise known as  NBA Free Agency officially begins Saturday at midnight.While 2017's already thin class took a huge hit after the Chris Paul to the Rockets trade was announced yesterday, there are still a number of quality role players and a handful of franchise-cornerstone pieces available. Here's a look at who I believe are the 10 best players hitting the opening market this offseason.

(Note: I'm excluding Stephen Curry and Kevin Durant from this list because there's a less than 0% chance they leave the Warriors).

10.Nerlens Noel, power forward/center (2016-17 teams: Philadelphia 76ers/Dallas Mavericks)
Nerlens Noel's place on this list is more based on future potential than the level of production he's posted over the first 4 years of his NBA career. The former lottery pick just turned 23 and has flashed a ton of promise as an interior defender/rebounding specialist every time he's gotten onto the floor. If he lands in the right system, he could turn into a DeAndre Jordan/Rudy Gobert-esque low-post weapon within the next 2-3 years. 
Possible Destinations: Dallas Mavericks, Toronto Raptors, Denver Nuggets, Atlanta Hawks, Los Angeles Clippers, Brooklyn Nets

9.Andre Iguodala, small forward (2016-17 team: Golden State Warriors)
The widespread interest surrounding Andre Iguodala prior to the start of the free agency period proves how valuable versatile veteran talent is to teams around the league. The 2015 Finals MVP has been one of the unsung heroes of the Warriors dynasty-in-the making over the past few seasons, acting as a stabilizing, reliable presence off the bench whenever their star-studded corps got out-of-sync. Iguodala's leadership, suffocating perimeter defense and underrated shooting touch would make him an invaluable role player for a contender or a young team that's trying to find its identity.
Possible Destinations: Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Clippers, Utah Jazz, Philadelphia 76ers, Cleveland Cavaliers, Houston Rockets, Charlotte Hornets

8.Danilo Gallinari, small/power forward (2016-17 team: Denver Nuggets)
The hidden gem of this year's free agency very well could be longtime Denver Nugget forward Danilo Gallinari. While his durability (he hasn't played in more than 63 games since 2012-13) is questionable, Gallinari's possesses excellent size for a wing (6"10) and has the fluid shooting stroke required to score from anywhere on the floor (he's averaged 18.9 PPG while shooting 42.9% from the field and 37.6% from 3 point land over the past 2 seasons). He'd be a nice, cost-effective pickup for any of the teams that end up losing Gordon Hayward sweepstakes.
Possible Destinations: Denver Nuggets, New Orleans Pelicans, Atlanta Hawks, Orlando Magic, Toronto Raptors, Boston Celtics, Brooklyn Nets, Miami Heat, Utah Jazz, Chicago Bulls 

7.George Hill, point guard (2016-17 team: Utah Jazz)
George Hill is coming off the best season in his career with the Jazz in 2016-17 (16.9 PPG, 47.7 FG%, 40.3 3PFG%) and will most likely be rewarded for his strong play with a nice contract in a top-heavy free agency class. Hill isn't a great distributor (3.3 APG for his career), but he's a stabilizing offensive presence that doesn't commit a lot of turnovers (1.7 per game, which was tied for 73rd in the league this past season) and can score at will when he has the ball in his hands.
Possible Destinations: Utah Jazz, New York Knicks, San Antonio Spurs, Minnesota Timberwolves, New Orleans Pelicans, Toronto Raptors, Indiana Pacers

6.Serge Ibaka, power forward (2016-17 teams: Orlando Magic/Toronto Raptors)
It's no mystery that 27-year old Serge Ibaka isn't the shot-blocking, rebounding force he was during the early part of his tenure with the Thunder. However, he's still very good in both areas and shoots well enough (47.4% from the field in 2016-17) from mid-range/outside to stretch the floor when called upon. Ibaka will be a hot commodity among teams that are looking to add physicality and reliable secondary scoring to their frontcourt. 
Possible Destinations: Toronto Raptors, Atlanta Hawks, Brooklyn Nets, Denver Nuggets, Chicago Bulls, Miami Heat, Sacramento Kings, Dallas Mavericks

5.Otto Porter, small forward (2016-17 team: Washington Wizards) 
Wizards small forward Otto Porter blossomed into a quality starter just in time for free agency. While he has a tendency to disappear from time to time, the 24-year old Georgetown product has developed into an efficient (and sometimes lethal) scorer and very good defender over the past couple of seasons. Even though the Wizards are very likely to match any offer he receives in restricted free agency, Porter should still generate a ton of interest from wing-needy teams around the league.
Possible Destinations: Washington Wizards, Los Angeles Clippers, Charlotte Hornets, Denver Nuggets, Orlando Magic, Brooklyn Nets, Utah Jazz 

4.Kyle Lowry, point guard (2016-17 team: Toronto Raptors) 
With Chris Paul off the market following yesterday's surprise trade to the Rockets, Kyle Lowry has suddenly become the most lauded veteran point guard in the 2017 free agency class. Lowry's reputation as one of the league's most prolific offensive catalysts makes him a tantalizing option for any team that needs to add consistent playmaking to their backcourt. While there's no guarantee that Lowry leaves a talented Raptors squad that has DeMar DeRozan locked down for 4 more seasons, an opportunity to play out his twilight years (he just turned 31) with a more viable title contender might be too intriguing to pass up.
Possible Destinations: Toronto Raptors, San Antonio Spurs, Minnesota Timberwolves, Denver Nuggets, Indiana Pacers, New York Knicks 

3.Paul Millsap, power forward (2016-17 team: Atlanta Hawks)
The market for Paul Millsap is going to be very interesting to watch. The 4-time All-Star is going to be 33 next February and plays a physical brand of basketball that all but guarantees a massive regression within the next few seasons. That being said, Millsap's current high level of production on both ends of the floor makes him a very valuable short-term asset for any team that's looking to win right away.
Possible Destinations: Atlanta Hawks, Denver Nuggets, Oklahoma City Thunder, Sacramento Kings, Phoenix Suns, Miami Heat

2.Blake Griffin, power forward (2016-17 team: Los Angeles Clippers)
Even with his checkered injury history, Blake Griffin is too special of a talent to not hold in high regard on the open market. Griffin's combination of freakish athleticism, excellent passing, reliable rebounding and a consistent mid-range shot makes him a top-flight stretch 4 in the modern NBA.     
Possible Destinations: Los Angeles Clippers, Oklahoma City Thunder, Boston Celtics, Denver Nuggets, Miami Heat, Atlanta Hawks, Phoenix Suns
 
1.Gordon Hayward, small forward (2016-17 team: Utah Jazz)
While Blake Griffin's unicorn skill set and reported openness to signing an under-max deal will likely result in him getting more suitors, Gordan Hayward is still the clear king of this free agency class. Hayward is a durable, 2-way small forward that has consistently improved since he entered the league in 2010-11 and at the age of 27, is currently in the middle of his prime years as a player. His decision to stay with the Jazz or dash to the East to join the Celtics or Heat has the potential to have a very notable effect on the current NBA hierarchy. 
Possible Destinations: Utah Jazz, Boston Celtics, Miami Heat

Other Notable Free Agents:
Aaron Brooks, point guard (2016-17 team: Indiana Pacers)
Alex Len, center (2016-17 team: Phoenix Suns)
Amir Johnson, power forward (2016-17 team: Boston Celtics)
Andre Roberson, small forward (2016-17 team: Oklahoma City Thunder)
Aron Baynes, power forward/center (2016-17 team: Detroit Pistons)
Ben McLemore, shooting guard (2016-17 team: Sacramento Kings)
Bojan Bogdanovic, small forward (2016-17 teams: Brooklyn Nets/Washington Wizards)
Brandon Bass, power forward (2016-17 team: Los Angeles Clippers)
Brandon Jennings, point guard (2016-17 team: New York Knicks/Washington Wizards)
Brandon Rush, shooting guard/small forward (2016-17 team: Minnesota Timberwolves)
C.J. Miles, small forward (2016-17 team: Indiana Pacers)
Darren Collison, point guard (2016-17 team: Sacramento Kings)
David West, power forward (2016-17 team: Golden State Warriors)
Deron Williams, point guard (2016-17 teams: Dallas Mavericks/Cleveland Cavaliers)
Derrick Rose, point guard (2016-17 team: New York Knicks)
Dewayne Dedmon, center (2016-17 team: San Antonio Spurs)
Dion Waiters, shooting guard (2016-17 team: Miami Heat)
Ersan Ilyasova, power forward (2016-17 teams: Oklahoma City Thunder/Philadelphia 76ers/Atlanta Hawks)
Gerald Green, small forward (2016-17 team: Boston Celtics)
Ian Clark, shooting guard (2016-17 team: Golden State Warriors)
J.J Redick, shooting guard (2016-17 team: Los Angeles Clippers) 
James Johnson, power forward (2016-17 team: Miami Heat)
JaMychal Green, power forward (2016-17 team: Memphis Grizzlies)
Jason Terry, point guard (2016-17 team: Milwaukee Bucks)
JaVale McGee, center (2016-17 team: Golden State Warriors)
Jeff Green, small/power forward (2016-17 team: Orlando Magic)
Jeff Teague, point guard (2016-17 team: Indiana Pacers) 
Jodie Meeks, shooting guard (2016-17 team: Orlando Magic) 
Joe Ingles, small/power forward (2016-17 team: Utah Jazz) 
Jonas Jerebko, power forward (2016-17 team: Boston Celtics)
Jonathan Simmons, shooting guard/small forward (2016-17 team: San Antonio Spurs)
Jose Calderon, point guard (2016-17 teams: Los Angeles Lakers/Atlanta Hawks)
Jrue Holiday, point guard (2016-17 team: New Orleans Pelicans)
Justin Holiday, shooting guard (2016-17 team: New York Knicks)
Kelly Olynyk, power forward/center (2016-17 team: Boston Celtics) 
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, shooting guard (2016-17 team: Detroit Pistons)
Kyle Korver, shooting guard (2016-17 teams: Atlanta Hawks/Cleveland Cavaliers)  
Manu Ginobli, shooting guard (2016-17 team: San Antonio Spurs) 
Marreese Speights, center (2016-17 team: Los Angeles Clippers)
Mason Plumlee, center (2016-17 teams: Portland Trail Blazers/Denver Nuggets)
Matt Barnes, small forward (2016-17 teams: Sacramento Kings/Golden State Warriors)
Michael Beasley, small forward (2016-17 team: Milwaukee Bucks)
Michael Carter-Williams, point guard (2016-17 team: Chicago Bulls)
Nene, power forward/center (2016-17 team: Houston Rockets)
Nick Young, shooting/small forward (2016-17 team: Los Angeles Lakers)
Nikola Mirotic, power forward (2016-17 team: Chicago Bulls)
P.J. Tucker, small forward (2016-17 teams: Phoenix Suns/Toronto Raptors)
Patrick Patterson, power forward (2016-17 team: Toronto Raptors) 
Patty Mills, point guard (2016-17 team: San Antonio Spurs)
Pau Gasol, power forward/center (2016-17 team: San Antonio Spurs)
Randy Foye, shooting guard (2016-17 team: Brooklyn Nets) 
Raymond Felton, point guard (2016-17 team: Los Angeles Clippers)
Rudy Gay, small forward (2016-17 team: Sacramento Kings)
Shabazz Muhammad, small forward (2016-17 team: Minnesota Timberwolves) 
Shaun Livingston, point guard (2016-17 team: Golden State Warriors)
Shelvin Mack, point guard (2016-17 team: Utah Jazz)
Taj Gibson, power forward (2016-17 teams: Chicago Bulls/Oklahoma City Thunder)
Terrence Jones, power forward (2016-17 teams: New Orleans Pelicans/Milwaukee Bucks)
Thabo Sefolosha, small forward (2016-17 team: Atlanta Hawks) 
Tim Hardaway Jr., shooting guard/small forward (2016-17 team: Atlanta Hawks)
Tony Allen, shooting guard (2016-17 team: Memphis Grizzlies)
Tony Snell, shooting guard/small forward (2016-17 team: Milwaukee Bucks)
Trey Burke, point guard (2016-17 teams: Utah Jazz/Washington Wizards)
Ty Lawson, point guard (2016-17 team: Sacramento Kings)
Tyreke Evans, shooting guard/small forward (2016-17 teams: New Orleans Pelicans/Sacramento Kings)
Vince Carter, small forward (2016-17 team: Memphis Grizzlies)
Zach Randolph, power forward (2016-17 team: Memphis Grizzlies)
Zaza Pachulia, center (2016-17 team: Golden State Warriors)

As We Proceed Episode #10

On this month's "As We Proceed", Feliciano and I breakdown the 2017 XXL Freshman Class, and debate Lil Yachty's legitimacy as an artist while reviewing his debut LP Teenage Emotions. This particularly contentious episode can be found here:


Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/asweproceedpodcast/everybody-loves-yachty
iTunes: : https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/as-we-proceed/id1122163104?mt=2

Album Review: Dying Fetus-Wrong One to Fuck With

Old-school death metal fans are currently experiencing what their comrades in the thrash community went through in the late 90's/early 2000's. While no one besides Morbid Angel (sup IIud Divinium Insanus) has released anything as notoriously shit-laden as Metallica's St. Anger or Megadeth's Risk, the forefathers of the genre that are still standing (Suffocation, Obituary, Deicide) have spent the 2010's releasing safe, standard-issue material that's missing a lot of the edge and sinister magic that made them special. Slam pioneers Dying Fetus have proven to be among the small number of acts that have sidestepped this "iconic death metal bands throwing in the creative towel once they hit 40" epidemic. The Maryland-based trio rebounded from their mid-2000's slump (Stop at Nothing, War of Attrition) with 2009's eyebrow-raising aural assault Descend Into Depravity and have been on an unstoppable warpath ever since. After a 5-year hiatus from releasing new music, Dying Fetus has kept their hot streak alive with the exceptional Wrong One to Fuck With.

What makes Wrong One to Fuck With such an impressive accomplishment is its unwavering consistency. All 12 tracks on this record are expertly-assembled symphonies of destruction that feature enough punchy riffs, pummeling blast beats and pit-starting breakdowns to fill a 12-disc box set. The construction of this record isn't going to shock anyone that's heard the last couple of Dying Fetus records, but the sheer level of craftsmanship it took to make a 53-minute slab of tech-tinged brutal death metal as engaging and memorable as this impressed the hell out of me.  

The unrelenting intensity and quality present on Wrong One to Fuck With is a testament to how well-oiled of a machine Dying Fetus is at this point of their career. Listening to guitarist/vocalist John Gallagher, bassist/vocalist Sean Beasley and drummer Trey Williams play together is pretty much the death metal equivalent of having three elite yet humble maestros on the same stage. Each member possesses the chops to run the show themselves, but they understand that they're a lot more dangerous if they combine their individual talents into one flawlessly synchronized collective. The top-notch chemistry between the members of the current lineup-who have been playing together since late 2007-is a large part of why Dying Fetus is still putting out crushing, badass death metal a mere 21 years after the release of their debut album.    

At a time where their peers are coasting into their AARP years on autopilot, Dying Fetus continues to deliver some of the most suffocating, headbang-worthy heavy music on the planet. Dying Fetus' ability to blossom and thrive as musicians this far into their musical journey will hopefully inspire the next wave of bands set to hit old age (The Black Dahlia Murder, Behemoth, Gojira) from copying the formulaic sins committed by most of the genre's OG bands. If Dying Fetus wasn't already considered death metal royalty, Wrong One to Fuck With should be enough to finally get them a prime seat at that unholy table.
.    
4/5 Stars
Standout Tracks
1.Seething with Disdain
2.Reveling in the Abyss
3.Unmitigated Detestation 

The Best and Worst of Amy Poehler

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "The House" star Amy Poehler.

Films starring Amy Poehler that I've seen:
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
Wet Hot American Summer
Mean Girls
Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny
Blades of Glory
Mr. Woodcock
Southland Tales
Baby Mama
Monsters vs. Aliens
They Came Together 
Inside Out
Sisters 

Best Performance: Mean Girls (2004)
Poehler's work in Mean Girls is the work of a higher comedic power. The early-to-mid 2000's Saturday Night Live standout proved why she was one of the brightest comic talents on the planet by running away with this (very funny) move in less than 15 minutes of screen time. Her turn as the "hip" mother of Regina George (Rachel McAdams) is an eerie, hilarious embodiment of the stereotypical wealthy suburban housewife that's desperately trying to recapture the glory days of their youth.
 
Worst Performance: Mr. Woodcock (2007)
To be fair, Poehler was easily the highlight of this atrocious comedy about a successful self-help author (Seann William Scott) whose joyous life hits a sudden roadblack when he discovers his widowed mother (Susan Sarandon) is dating the cruel gym teacher (Billy Bob Thornton) that bullied him as a child. However, she still generated significantly less laughs than she usually does and that's more enough for this to go down as the lowest moment of her career to-date.

Best Film: Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
This low-budget indie comedy that featured a plethora of future Hollywood stars (Poehler, Paul Rudd, Bradley Cooper, Elizabeth Banks) is a film that I hold in the highest regard. Almost every scene in this bizarre, often moronic sendup of '80s sex comedies reduces me to a giggling, flailing  mess every single time I watch it. I fully understand why Wet Hot American Summer has gotten trashed by critics and Netflix users who were blindsided by the sheer volume of insanity this film contains, but it's an undisputed god-tier comedy to me. 

Worst Film: Southland Tales (2007)
The level of excitement I had for Southland Tales was palatable. At the time of its release, Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko) was one of the most exciting up-and-coming filmmakers in Hollywood and the premise surrounding a present-day United States that had descended into chaos and mass fear after a nuclear attack in Texas was fascinating. Sadly, Southland Tales ended up being a plodding, convoluted disaster. Kelly's attempts at satirizing the sensationalist media-driven, fear-mongering culture of the United States don't land at all, every single actor in the massive ensemble is woefully miscast and the story's manipulation of time elements rehash a ton of plot points from Donnie Darko. Even as this film closes in on its 10-year anniversary, the disheartening sting of disappointment and feeling of wasted opportunity that overcomes me every time I think of Southland Tales hasn't wavered in the slightest.

 Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "Spider-Man: Homecoming" star Michael Keaton.

2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 30 Safeties

30.Keanu Neal (Falcons)

29.Mike Mitchell (Steelers)

28.D.J. Swearinger (Cardinals) 

27.J.J. Wilcox (Buccaneers)
26.Quentin Demps (Bears)
25.Maurice Alexander (Rams)
24.Jonathan Cyprien (Titans)

23.Adrian Amos (Bears)
22.Darian Stewart (Broncos)
21.Mike Adams (Panthers)
20.George Iloka (Bengals) 

19.Byron Jones (Cowboys)
18.Rodney McLeod (Eagles)
17.Glover Quin (Lions)
16.HaHa Clinton-Dix (Packers)

15.Reggie Nelson (Raiders) 

14.Barry Church (Jaguars)
13.T.J. Ward (Broncos)

12.Malcolm Jenkins (Eagles)

11.Tyrann Mathieu (Cardinals)

10.Tony Jefferson (Ravens)

9.Morgan Burnett (Packers)

8.Landon Collins (Giants) 

7.Devin McCourty (Patriots)

6.Harrison Smith (Vikings)

5.Reshad Jones (Dolphins)

4.Kam Chancellor (Seahawks)
3.Eric Berry (Chiefs)

2.Eric Weddle (Ravens)

1.Earl Thomas (Seahawks)

2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 50 Cornerbacks

50.LaDarius Gunter (Packers)
49.Joe Haden (Browns)
48.Jamar Taylor (Browns)
47.Jeremy Lane (Seahawks)

46.Robert Alford (Falcons)
45.Anthony Brown (Cowboys)
44.Jimmy Smith (Ravens) 
43.Trumaine Johnson (Rams)

42.Bashaud Breeland (Redskins)
41.Kareem Jackson (Texans)
40.Marcus Williams (Jets)

39.Bradley Roby (Broncos)
38.Kevin Johnson (Texans)
37.James Bradberry (Panthers)
36.Russ Cockrell (Steelers)
35.Delvin Breaux (Saints)
34.Ronald Darby (Bills)
33.DeShawn Shead (Seahawks)
32.Prince Amukamara (Bears) 
31.Logan Ryan (Titans)
30.Byron Maxwell (Dolphins)
29.Brandon Carr (Ravens)
28.Morris Claiborne (Jets)

27.Orlando Scandrick (Cowboys)
26.William Gay (Steelers)
25.Jalen Ramsey (Jaguars) 

24.Captain Munnerlyn (Panthers)

23.David Amerson (Raiders)

22.Adam Jones (Bengals)

21.Jason Verrett (Chargers)

20.Jonathan Joseph (Texans)
19.A.J. Bouye (Jaguars) 

18.Vontae Davis (Colts)

17.Brent Grimes (Buccaneers)
16.Terrence Newman (Vikings)
15.Stephon Gilmore (Patriots)
14.Desmond Trufant (Falcons)
13.Xavier Rhodes (Vikings)
12.Casey Hayward (Chargers)

11.Janoris Jenkins (Giants)

10.Marcus Peters (Chiefs)
9.Sean Smith (Raiders)
8.Darius Slay (Lions)
7.Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie (Giants)
6.Malcolm Butler (Patriots)
5.Josh Norman (Redskins)
4.Aqib Talib (Broncos) 

3.Richard Sherman (Seahawks)

2.Patrick Peterson (Cardinals)

1.Chris Harris Jr. (Broncos)

2017 NBA Mock Draft 2.0 (Draft Day)

The NBA's annual night of chaos has finally arrived and with a top-notch prospect pool and high- impact veterans like Kristaps Porzingis, Jimmy Butler and Paul George being tossed around in trade rumors, this has the potential to be the most wild draft in quite some time. Here's how I expect the first round to unfold before the 12,000 draft night trades occur.

1.Philadelphia 76ers: Markelle Fultz, point/shooting guard (Washington)
2.Los Angeles Lakers: Lonzo Ball, point guard (UCLA)
3.Boston Celtics: Jayson Tatum, small forward (Duke)
4.Phoenix Suns: Josh Jackson, small forward (Kansas)
5.Sacramento Kings: De'Aaron Fox, point guard (Kentucky)
6.Orlando Magic: Jonathan Issac, small/power forward (Florida State)
7.Minnesota Timberwolves: Lauri Markkanen, power forward (Arizona)
8.New York Knicks: Frank Ntilikina, point/shooting guard (France)
9.Dallas Mavericks: Dennis Smith Jr., point guard (NC State)
10.Sacramento Kings: Luke Kennard, shooting guard (Duke)
11.Charlotte Hornets: OG Anunoby, small forward (Indiana)
12.Detroit Pistons: Malik Monk, shooting guard (Kentucky)
13.Denver Nuggets: Zach Collins, center (Gonzaga)
14.Miami Heat: Justin Jackson, small forward (North Carolina)
15.Portland Trail Blazers: Justin Collins, power forward (Wake Forest)
16.Chicago Bulls: Bam Adebayo, power forward (Kentucky)
17.Milwaukee Bucks: Donovan Mitchell, shooting guard (Louisville)
18.Indiana Pacers: T.J. Leaf, power forward (UCLA)
19.Atlanta Hawks: Justin Patton, center (Creighton)
20.Portland Trail Blazers: Terrence Ferguson, shooting guard/small forward (Australia)
21.Oklahoma City Thunder: Harry Giles, power forward (Duke)
22.Brooklyn Nets: Jarret Allen, center (Texas)
23.Toronto Raptors: Ike Anigbogu, power forward/center (UCLA)
24.Utah Jazz: Semi Ojeyle, small forward (SMU)
25.Orlando Magic: Derrick White, point/shooting guard (Colorado)
26.Portland Trail Blazers: Anzejs Pasecniks, center (Latvia)
27.Los Angeles Lakers: D.J. Wilson, power forward (Michigan)
28.Los Angeles Lakers: Mathias Lessort, power forward (France)
29.San Antonio Spurs: Jawun Evans, point guard (Oklahoma State)
30.Utah Jazz: Jordan Bell, power forward (Oregon)

Album Review: Lorde-Melodrama

Not since Russell Crowe's crazy phone-throwing ass started enchanting audiences back in the late 90's has as a New Zelander made as much of an impact on the pop culture landscape as Lorde did with her 2013 debut LP Pure Heroine. The then 16-year old became a household name following the breakout success of her singles "Royals" and "Team" while simultaneously accumulating a ton of critical praise for her dark, minimalist sound that was radically different from anything else on Top 40 radio at the time. Pure Heroine also ended up having a notable influence on the genre and gave birth to an entire wave of artists that wanted to mimic Lorde's success (Halsey, Melanie Martinez, Alessia Cara) in the melancholy pop realm. After heading into seclusion for a couple of years following her rapid rise to worldwide stardom, the 20-year old has finally returned to the spotlight with her sophomore LP Melodrama, which should only further solidify Lorde's status as one of pop music's strongest acts. 

Whenever a young artist returns to music after a lengthy hiatus, the petty anxiety sensors that are embedded into every music nerd's brain go into overdrive. Did this time off effect their creative process? Are they coming back energized or are they just going to loaf through a record for a paycheck? Did they develop a new sound during their time away from the public eye and if so, will this stylistic change be well-executed? In Lorde's case, this preemptive panic can be written off as an unjustified and unfair lack of faith in her artistic ability. The time she spent away from music allowed her to clean up all of the issues that dragged down Pure Heroine and more importantly, gave her an opportunity to further grow as an artist.
 
By adding new wrinkles to her musical arsenal while retaining the most endearing elements of her previous work, Melodrama is able to accomplish what just about every musician strives to do with a new release. The low-key atmosphere and striking emotional core that made Pure Heroine such an attention-grabbing release are still at heart of this record, but this record is much more focused on introspection and straightforward pop sensibilities than its predecessor. The numerous highlight tracks ("Sober", "Homemade Dynamite", "Writer in the Dark") that are sprinkled throughout the record feature some strong insight into Lorde's post-breakup mental state while also displaying a gift for crafting massive hooks that was nowhere to be found on her older projects. The inclusion of more deeply personal lyrics and songwriting that features an enhanced focus on pure pop catchiness may sound like pretty minimal changes on paper, but they help give Melodrama a lot more depth, diversity and replay value than its predecessor.   

While Lorde's tweaks to her already distinct sound is at the center of Melodrama's success,  producer/co-songwriter Jack Antonoff played a critical role in helping make this record into something special. The booming piano lines and sweeping string arrangements that define the ex-fun. guitarist/Bleachers frontman's production style maximizes the effectiveness of Lorde's music. As distinct as Joel Little's bare-bones production was on Pure Heroine, the sparse instrumentation didn't allow her to experiment with different tempos or utilize anything other than her normal low, raspy voice. The dense, textured soundscapes Antonoff lays down here gives Lorde the freedom to showcase the full scope of her vocal range and take some detours into more "upbeat" ("Green Light", "Supercut", "Perfect Places") territory without losing the raw quality that makes her music so intimate. Antonoff's contributions to Melodrama are invaluable and I really hope they don't get glazed over when people look back this record a few years down the line.   
       
Melodrama further supports the narrative that Lorde is a transcendent talent. The level of intelligence, emotional transparency and unique vocal capabilities she possesses blows away the vast majority of her peers in the world of pop music, and given her super young age, it's entirely possible that she hasn't even begun to reach the peak of her potential as an artist. It's going to be very difficult for Lorde to continue delivering such bold, unique music, but based on everything she's put out so far, there's no reason to doubt her ability to keep innovating and inspiring hordes of copycat artists for years to come. 

4/5 Stars
Standout Tracks
1.Sober
2.Homemade Dynamite
3.Perfect Places

The Best and Worst of Anthony Hopkins

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "Transformers: The Last Knight" star Anthony Hopkins.

Films starring Anthony Hopkins that I've seen:
The Silence of the Lambs
The Mask of Zorro
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Fracture
Beowulf
The Wolfman
The Rite
Thor
Red 2
Thor: The Dark World
Noah

Best Performance: The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
When you play a character that's as iconic and memorable as Hannibal Lecter, there's no chance in hell that it won't go down as a career-defining role. Hopkins' intensity, eeriness and intelligence helped make Lecter one of the most menacing villains in the history of cinema. 

Worst Performance: The Wolfman (2010)
Joe Johnston's tedious remake of The Wolfman claimed the souls of numerous terrific actors including Benicio Del Toro and Emily Blunt. Unsurprisingly, the "Fuck it, I'm just here for the paycheck" plague that ran through the cast didn't discriminate against British royalty as Hopkins turned in the laziest performance of his career to-date. Hopkins looked like he was ready for a nap as he ripped through a seemingly endless amount of exposition-filled dialogue explaining the mythology and moon cycle-based bloodlust behind their family's werewolf curse to his son (Del Toro).

Best Film: The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
This may be a shock to all of the lovely geriatrics out there, but when you've only been walking this wonderful earth for 25 years, you're forced to play catch up with the films that came out before/around the time you were born. As I've slowly worked my way through cinema's rich history, I've found that the inevitable generational gap paired with the glowing reputation these classic films possess usually results in me being disappointed when I finally get a chance to see them. This trend of being constantly underwhelmed by iconic flicks from several different decades is what made watching The Silence of the Lambs such a rewarding experience for me. The 1991 Best Picture winner from the late Jonathan Demme is truly one of the best-assembled thrillers I've ever seen. Every keep character is well-developed and the story continues to ratchet up the tension throughout before it reaches beautiful, vicious fever pitch in the final act. Watching an "all-time great" film that actually managed to live up to its legendary reputation served as a much-needed reminder of why I've decided to commit so much time to discovering old movies.

Worst Film: Beowulf (2007)
Hopkins has starred in a fair amount of trash during his twilight years (The Rite, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the aforementioned The Wolfman) that deserved consideration for this dubious honor, but none of the other films he's appeared in over the past 20 years were as hilariously inept as Beowulf.  While Robert Zemickis' (Forest Gump, Cast Away) motion capture-animated take on the famous epic poem of Beowulf and Grendel features some beautiful moments of unintentional comedy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNaj7uCVPCI), it's mostly an overly serious bore that contained none of the over-the-top fun that I look for in a fantasy/sword and sandal hybrid.


Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "The House" star Amy Poehler.

Movie Review: Rough Night

 

After a pretty forgettable five-month stretch to kick off the year, 2017's long-awaited comedy savior has arrived in the form of Lucia Aniello's Rough Night. The big-screen directorial debut from the Broad City veteran is a wild, clever romp that delivers huge laughs at every turn.

The plot centered around the accidental death of a stripper during a bachelorette party will undoubtedly draw comparisons to Very Bad Things, but unlike Peter Berg's dreadful 1998 film, Rough Night doesn't just shove witless sadistic humor down the viewer's throat for 100 minutes. Aniello prevents the proceedings from ever entering unpleasantly fucked up territory by throwing a healthy dose of good-natured absurdist humor into the mix without ever losing sight of the inevitable darkness that comes with having a story that's centered around a murder. Absurdity and morbidity is a pretty tough juxtaposition to make work, but Rough Night is able to pull it off smoothly without any jarring tonal transitions or noteworthy joke misfires.

Rough Night also benefits from being impeccably cast from top to bottom. The women caught in the middle of this bachelorette party gone wrong (Scarlett Johansson, Jillian Bell, Kate McKinnon, Ilana Glazer, Zoe Kravitz) are collectively terrific and the hilarious supporting cast (headlined by Demi Moore, Ty Burrell and Paul W. Downs, who also co-wrote the screenplay) all do their part to help escalate the gleeful insanity of the film's events. Having a strong cast is particularly important in the energy-and-camaraderie driven world of comedy, and this is without question one of the strongest, most in-sync ensembles I've seen in recent memory.

While it's certainly less accessible than a majority of the other R-rated raunchfests that hit theaters every summer, I felt that Rough Night lived up to the elite comedic pedigree of its cast and crew. Everyone involved in this production brought their A-game and in shows in the near-constant hilarity that graces the screen. It's going to take a hell of an effort from The House, The Hitman's Bodyguard and the other handful of comedies set for release over the next two months to knock these lethal ladies off of the genre's summer 2017 throne.
  
4/5 Stars

2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Outside Linebackers

35.Lawrence Timmons (Dolphins)
34.Preston Smith (Redskins)
33.Leonard Floyd (Bears)
32.Robert Quinn (Rams)
31.John Simon (Colts)
30.Jabaal Sheard (Colts)
29.Clay Matthews (Packers)
28.Tamba Hali (Chiefs) 
27.Willie Young (Bears)
26.Vincent Rey (Bengals)
25.Terrell Suggs (Ravens)
24.Nigel Bradham (Eagles)
23.Dee Ford (Chiefs)
22.Gerald Hodges (Bills)
21.Trent Murphy (Redskins)
20.Markus Golden (Cardinals)
19.Lorenzo Alexander (Bills)
18.Anthony Barr (Vikings)
17.Bruce Irvin (Raiders) 
16.Derrick Morgan (Titans) 
15.Lavonte David (Buccaneers)
14.Pernell McPhee (Bears)
13.Thomas Davis (Panthers)
12.Telvin Smith (Jaguars)
11.James Harrison (Steelers)
10.Jamie Collins (Browns)
9.Vic Beasley Jr. (Falcons)
8.Ryan Kerrigan (Redskins)
7.Brian Orakpo (Titans)
6.Vontaze Burfict (Bengals)
5.Whitney Mercilus (Texans)
4.K.J. Wright (Seahawks) 
3.Chandler Jones (Cardinals)
2.Justin Houston (Chiefs)
1.Von Miller (Broncos)

Quick Album Reviews: Halsey-Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, Mutoid Man-War Moans, Playboi Carti-Playboi Carti

Halsey-Hopeless Fountain Kingdom: If you were expecting Halsey to evolve on her second LP Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, you're going to be in for a rude awakening. The unsuccessful attempts to be edgy, over-the-top corny lyrics and erratic songwriting are every bit as prevalent as they were on her 2015 debut LP Badlands. However, if you dive beneath its rough, sometimes obnoxious exterior, there's some really dope songs scattered throughout this record. Tracks like "Eyes Closed", "Alone", "Devil in Me" and "Strangers" are haunting, lushly-produced synthpop anthems that showcase how effective Halsey's misunderstood outsider aesthetic can be when it's executed properly. Despite it's slew of flaws, Hopeless Fountain Kingdom still manages to be a decent enough entry into the rapidly-growing downtempo pop cannon.  
3/5 Stars
Standout Tracks: 1.Eyes Closed 2.Devil in Me 3.Alone

Mutoid Man-War Moans It's always refreshing to turn on a heavy record that solely exists to obliterate the listener with pummeling guitar riffs. Few bands fill this underappreciated and underserved niche better than stoner metal/post-hardcore supergroup Mutoid Man. Every single one of the 12 tracks on War Moans is an explosion of beautiful chaos and balls-to-the-wall energy that made me feel like running through every wall in my house. War Moans is a turbo shot of pure adrenaline and without question, one of the most satisfying albums to be released in the first five and a half months of 2017.
4/5 Stars
Standout Tracks: 1.Wreck and Survive 2.Date with the Devil 3.Headrush

Playboi Carti-Playboi Carti: The self-titled debut commercial mixtape from Atlanta's latest breakout hip-hop star (his most recent single "Magnolia" is currently soaring up the Billboard Hot 100) is a stirring testament to how far outstanding production can take you in this genre. Playboi Carti doesn't have much in the way of charisma or mic skills, but the atmospheric yet subtly hard-hitting beats from the likes of Harry Fraud, Southside and newcomer Pi'erre Bourne are so consistently jaw-dropping that this tape manages to remain engaging for the duration of its lean 47-minute runtime. While it sure as hell won't be entering my regular listening rotation, Carti's trap-infused brand of cloud rap is fun enough to throw on whenever you feel like vibing out to some ignorant bars and elite beats.

3/5 Stars
Standout Tracks: 1.Other Shit 2.New Choppa (feat. A$AP Rocky) 3.Magnolia 

2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 25 Inside Linebackers

25.Denzel Perryman (Chargers)
24.Avery Williamson (Titans)
23.Kwon Alexander (Buccaneers)
22.Karlos Dansby (Cardinals)
21.Deion Jones (Falcons)
20.Alec Ogletree (Rams)
19.Brian Cushing (Texans)
18,Todd Davis (Broncos)
17.Eric Kendricks (Vikings)
16.Derrick Johnson (Chiefs)
15.Kiko Alonso (Dolphins)
14.Mason Foster (Redskins)
13.Christian Kirksey (Browns)
12.Jordan Hicks (Eagles)
11.Paul Posluszny(Jaguars) 
10.Zach Brown (Redskins)
9.Danny Trevathan (Bears)
8.NaVorro Bowman (49ers)
7.Brandon Marshall (Broncos)
6.C.J. Mosley (Ravens) 
5.Don'ta Hightower (Patriots)
4.Sean Lee (Cowboys)
3.Jerrell Freeman (Bears)
2.Bobby Wagner (Seahawks)
1.Luke Kuechly (Panthers)

2016-17 NBA Year-End Awards

The NBA season ended last night in not-so surprising fashion as the Golden State Warriors got revenge for last year's blown 3-1 series lead by closing out the Cleveland Cavaliers with relative ease in 5 games to clinch their 2nd title of the Steve Kerr-era. Now that the clash of the NBA superteams has concluded, it's time to acknowledge the people that made professional basketball great this season. Here are my picks for all of the NBA's highest individual honors. 


MVP: Russell Westbrook, point guard (Thunder)
As great as James Harden, Kawhi Leonard and Isaiah Thomas were this season, this was still pretty much a no-brainer for me. Not only did Russell Westbrook carry a team that is primarily made up of role players that can't score on a consistent basis to a playoff berth in the ultra-competitive Western Conference, he became the 1st player in over 50 years to average a triple double for the season (31.9 PPG, 10.4 APG, 10.6 RPG). A legitimately mind-boggling season from one of the NBA's finest players. 

Honorable Mentions: James Harden, point/shooting guard (Rockets), Kawhi Leonard, small forward (Spurs), Isaiah Thomas, point guard (Celtics)

Defensive Player of the Year: Draymond Green, power forward (Warriors)
The league's most hated man silenced his critics once again with his finest defensive to-date in 2016-17. The 27-year old serial irritant tied for the league lead in steals (2.0 per game), finished 11th in blocks (1.7 per game) and most importantly, re-enforced his status as a virtuoso defender by locking down the best players at all 5 positions throughout the season. He might lack the scoring prowess of his fellow All-Star teammates, but Green's versatility and consistency as a defender makes him one of the most important players on the Warriors loaded roster.
Honorable Mentions: Rudy Gobert, center (Jazz), Kawhi Leonard, small forward (Spurs), Anthony Davis, power forward/center (Pelicans)

Coach of the Year: Mike D'Antoni (Rockets)
After a pair of painful tenures with the Knicks and Lakers, the 2016-17 Rockets reminded the NBA community how effective Mike D'Antoni's frantic offensive system can be with the right group of players. D'Antoni's run-and-jack up 3's philosophy proved to be a perfect fit for this roster's "score a shitload of points, play defense when you can" mentality as he able to get the Rockets back into the top 3 of the Western Conference with a 55-27 season following a disappointing 2015-16 campaign that was derailed by a whole lot of internal dysfunction. 
Honorable Mentions: Brad Stevens (Celtics), Quin Snyder (Jazz), Erik Spoelstra (Heat)

Most Improved Player: Nikola Jokic, power forward/center (Nuggets)
During his rookie year in 2015-16, Nikola Jokic surprised the hell out of a lot of people with his relatively seamless transition from Europe to the NBA and ability as a 2-way player. In 2016-17, the Serbian-born big man that was considered a low-upside developmental player when the Nuggets selected him in the 2nd round back in 2014 proved why he deserves to be considered one of the league's most exciting young stars. Jokic's shooting touch (57.8% FG, 6th in the NBA), physical presence on the glass (9.8 RPG, 13th in the NBA) and spectacular passing (4.9 APG, tied for 3rd among big men in the NBA) was the main reason the Nuggets- who have the 5th youngest roster in the league- greatly overachieved (40-42, 9th in the Western Conference) in 2016-17.
Honorable Mentions: Giannis Antetokounmpo, small forward (Bucks), Rudy Gobert, center (Jazz), Dion Waiters, shooting guard (Heat)

Rookie of the Year: Joel Embiid, center (76ers)
Screw the small sample size, there wasn't another rookie that came anywhere close to sniffing Joel Embiid's level of production this season. The former number 3 overall pick took the league by storm in the 31 games he played this season, averaging 20.2 points, 7.8 rebounds and 2.4 blocks per game on A STRICT MINUTES RESTRICTION. If Embiid can finally escape the injury bug that has plagued him since he got drafted in 2014, there's no doubt in my mind that he'll blossom into an elite, do-it-all stretch 4/5. 
Honorable Mentions: Dario Saric, power forward (76ers), Malcolm Brogdon, point guard (Bucks), Jaylen Brown, small forward (Celtics)

Sixth Man of the Year: Eric Gordon, shooting guard (Rockets)
Eric Gordon was one of the handful of free agents the Rockets brought in for the sole purpose of giving Mike D'Antoni more perimeter shooters to play with and holy hell, did it end paying dividends. With the freedom to pull the trigger from deep whenever he had an open look. Gordon put together his most productive season since 2012-13, averaging 16.1 points per game and gave the Rockets the consistent spark-scorer off the bench they'd lacked since they dealt Courtney Lee to the Celtics in 2012.
Honorable Mentions: Lou Williams, point guard (Lakers/Rockets), Andre Igoudala, small forward (Warriors), Tim Hardaway Jr., shooting guard (Hawks)

All-NBA Teams:
1st team:
Guard: Russell Westbrook (Thunder)
Guard: James Harden (Rockets)
Forward: Kawhi Leonard (Spurs)
Forward: LeBron James (Cavaliers)
Center: Anthony Davis (Pelicans)

2nd team:
Guard: Isaiah Thomas (Celtics)
Guard: Demar DeRozan (Raptors)
Forward: Kevin Durant (Warriors)
Forward: Giannis Antetokumpo (Bucks)
Center: Rudy Gobert (Jazz)

3rd team:
Guard: John Wall (Wizards)
Guard: Stephen Curry (Warriors)
Forward: Gordan Hayward (Jazz)
Forward: Jimmy Butler (Bulls)
Center: DeAndre Jordan (Clippers)

All-Defensive Teams:
1st team:
Guard: John Wall (Wizards)
Guard: Avery Bradley (Celtics)
Forward: Kawhi Leonard (Spurs)
Forward: Draymond Green (Warriors)
Center: Rudy Gobert (Jazz)

2nd team:
Guard: Chris Paul (Clippers)
Guard: Klay Thompson (Warriors)
Forward: Giannis Antetokumpo (Bucks)
Forward: Kevin Durant (Warriors)
Center: Anthony Davis (Pelicans)

The Best and Worst of Naomi Watts

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "The Book of Henry" star Naomi Watts.

Films starring Naomi Watts that I've seen:
Mullholland Drive
The Ring
I Heart Huckabees
King Kong
Eastern Promises
Funny Games
The International
Dream House
Movie 43
Birdman
St. Vincent
The Divergent Series: Insurgent
The Divergent Series: Allegiant Part I
Demolition

Best Performance: St. Vincent (2014)
I'll fully admit that I'm not a huge fan of Watts as an actress. In a vast majority of the movies I've seen her in over the years, she's either grated or left no lasting impression on me. So when I saw St. Vincent in the fall of 2014, I was honestly shocked that Watts ended up being my favorite part of the movie. With her ace comedic timing and immense warmth, Watts turns a character (a pregnant Russian prostitute who befriends the miserable title character played by Bill Murray) that could've easily gone down as exploitative eye candy into the film's moral center. 

Worst Performance: King Kong (2005)
In a film that featured Jack effn' Black as a sleazy film director that's desperate for a hit, Watts somehow managed to top the list of head-scratching casting choices. Watts' robotic acting turns her character into a stereotypical one-dimensional "damsel in distress" and more importantly, makes the empathy her character is supposed to feel for Kong-which is crucial to making the story work-hilariously ineffective. 

Best Film: Birdman (2014)
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's Best Picture-winning dark comedy about a washed-up actor (Michael Keaton) that's trying to get his career back on track with a high-profile Broadway play is a masterclass in moviemaking. While the script is a bit of an unfocused mess that tries to tackle too many subjects in its 2-hour runtime, the acting, cinematography and direction is so consistently impressive that Birdman still ends up being an excellent film that is damn near impossible to forget.

Worst Film: Funny Games (2008)
Watts has starred in a lot of truly wretched pieces of shit (King Kong, The Ring, Movie 43) during her 16 years as a widely-known actress, but nothing tops the infuriating ineptitude of Funny Games. This pretentious, lazy pile of shit masquerading as a condemnation of the entertainment industry's use of violence is one of the most nauseating films I've ever sat through. Writer/director Michael Haneke's shot-for-shot remake of his 1997 Austrian film has the subtlety of a pimp's tuxedo as it tries embarrassingly hard to argue against on-screen violence for 111 minutes without any traces of clever dark humor or legitimate insight on the subject matter. Barring some kind of sudden influx in unholy awful movies, I don't think Funny Games will ever escape the 7th circle of my personal cinematic hell.             

Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "Transformers: The Last Knight" star Anthony Hopkins.   

2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 30 Defensive Ends

30.Sheldon Richardson (Jets) 
29.Trey Flowers (Patriots)
28.Mario Addison (Panthers)
27.Robert Ayers (Buccaneers)
26.William Hayes (Dolphins)
25.Frank Clark (Seahawks)
24.Danielle Hunter (Vikings)
23.Cliff Avril (Seahawks)
22.Jerry Hughes (Bills)
21.Akiem Hicks (Bears) 
20.Melvin Ingram (Chargers)
19.Everson Griffen (Vikings)
18.Cameron Heyward (Steelers)
17.Derek Wolfe (Broncos)
16.Muhammad Wilkerson (Jets)
15.Jadeveon Clowney (Texans)
14.Ezekiel Ansah (Lions) 
13.Joey Bosa (Chargers) 
12.Leonard Williams (Jets)
11.Carlos Dunlap (Bengals)
10.Cameron Wake (Dolphins)
9.Oliver Vernon (Giants)
8.Brandon Graham (Eagles)
7.Jason Pierre-Paul (Giants)
6.Jurrell Casey (Titans)
5.Mike Daniels (Packers) 
4.Michael Bennett (Seahawks)
3.Cameron Jordan (Saints)
2.Khalil Mack (Raiders)
1.J.J. Watt (Texans)

Movie Review: Baywatch

Baywatch became a worldwide cult sensation because of its unwavering dedication to preposterous melodrama, tight swimsuits and slow motion running. The film adaptation of the infamous television series pays tribute to lovable stupidity of its source material by delivering two hours of charming trash entertainment.

From the opening-credit sequence that features Dwayne Johnson emerging from the water holding a man he just saved from drowning while the title explodes over him to a climatic yacht shootout that features one of the most i movie deaths of all-time, Baywatch fully embraces the absurdity of its concept. A majority of the characters openly acknowledge how insane it is that a team of elite lifeguards have committed themselves to fighting crime and despite the insertion of some unnecessarily long action/rescue scenes, the tone rarely veers away from tongue-in-cheek. Being aware of the ridiculousness that the Baywatch brand stands for was the only way this comedic take on the series was going to work and thankfully, every single person involved with this project proved they understood that by bringing a gleefully silly attitude to the proceedings.

Adding to Baywatch's preposterous allure is a well-matched ensemble cast that fully commits to this flat-out bonkers universe. Every single actor knew exactly what was required of them and they deliver the comedic goods with visible ease. Co-leads Johnson and Zac Efron steer this ship of vulgar lunacy with the utmost confidence, the secondary lifeguards (Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Jon Bass, Ilfenesh Hadera) make for amusing (albeit underutilized) sidekicks and Quantico star Priyanka Chopra does some phenomenal scenery-chewing as the drug-pushing nightclub owner that these super-lifeguards are trying to take down. With a script full of merely decent jokes that could've easily turned to shit in the wrong hands, the efforts of this group play a crucial role in making Baywatch an effective, boneheaded comedy romp. 

For better or worse, Baywatch is exactly what it promised to be. It's an adrenaline-fueled parade of sex jokes, exploitative shots of barely-dressed pretty people and cheap-looking explosions wrapped around a ludicrous plot and while this lowbrow combination will understandably grate on some audiences, I found it admirable that a film went to such great lengths to capture the spirit of its source material. It's no 21 or 22 Jump Street, but Baywatch is still a relatively funny flick that's worth checking out if you're down with gratuitous self-aware stupidity.

3.5/5 Stars

Concert Review: Banks-- Boston, MA-- June 6th, 2017

Lineup: Banks/Toulouse (The Altar tour)
Venue: Royale, Boston, MA
Date: June 6th, 2017

Toulouse: Outside of his impressive a capella closing track, Toulouse epitomized mediocrity. He kind of reminded me of a synthpop version of Francis and the Lights (complete with the awkward dance moves!) with a somewhat better singing voice and more effective minimalist stage presence. Honestly the most memorable moment of his set for me was realizing that he sang that "I Will Follow You" song that was in the iPhone commercial with the balloons that flooded every channel on TV last fall. Toulouse wasn't a bad opener, but I'll probably forget this set in no time at all.

Banks:  I'd been waiting for about six months for Banks to embark on a headlining tour in support of her excellent 2016 record The Altar and holy hell, did my patience pay off. She took my unreasonably high expectations for this show and shattered the shit out of them in a grand, triumphant fashion.

Banks has stated that making The Altar was a cathartic experience for her and the wide range of emotions that drove that record carried over to her performance. The sheer artistry that went into this performance  helped establish a darkly beautiful atmosphere that maximized the impact of every song live. The Gothic-themed stage show which featured veiled backup dancers, red-and-black lighting and a shitload of incense brought the pain, regret and self-exploration that drove The Altar to life with stunning, visceral detail. I'm not usually too impressed with choreography, lighting, etc., but all of these typically mundane concert things complemented Banks' music so well that it helped raise the show to a whole other level of excellence.   

While the entire 16 song, 75-minute set was loaded with chill-inducing moments, the ballads made up a majority of the best songs of the night. The mid-set quartet of "Mind Games", "Weaker Girl", "Mother Earth" and "Better" was an awe-inspiring showcase of her wide vocal range. Every single note featured the power, grace and emotional transparency that has made her one of the standout vocalists in the talent-loaded modern pop/R&B scene. As great as the vocal effect-heavy material ("This is What Feels Like", "Fuck with Myself", "Poltergeist") is, her music is at its most effective and beautiful when her natural voice is at the forefront.

I can not overstate how much better Banks was at this show than the first time I saw her in November 2015 as the direct support act for The Weeknd. The improvement in confidence, energy and general stage presence she's made over the last year and a half is astonishing. Banks was already one of the best vocalists I'd ever seen perform and with the addition of an improved stage presence and stunning stage show that amplifies the quality of her music, she can now be considered an elite live performer.

Scores:
Toulouse 5/10
Banks 9/10

Setlist:
Banks:
Poltergeist
Fuck With Myself
Gemini Feed
Trainwreck
Waiting Game
This Is What It Feels Like
Mind Games
Better
Weaker Girl
Mother Earth
Drowning
Judas
Beggin for Thread
Haunt

Encore:
27 Hours
This is Not About Us

2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 30 Defensive Tackles

30.Letroy Guion (Packers)

29.Corey Peters (Cardinals) 

28.Timmy Jernigan (Eagles)

27.Dan Williams (Free Agent)
26.Grady Jarrett (Falcons)

25.Michael Pierce (Ravens) 

24.Lawrence Guy (Patriots)

23.Dontari Poe (Falcons)

22.Kyle Williams (Bills)

21.Ahtyba Rubin (Seahawks) 

20.Sharrif Floyd (Vikings)

19.Alan Branch (Patriots)

18.Brandon Mebane (Chargers)
17.Chris Baker (Buccaneers)
16.Bennie Logan (Chiefs)
15.Danny Shelton (Browns)
14.Michael Brockers (Rams)

13.Jonathan Hankins (Colts)

12.Malik Jackson (Jaguars)

11.Marcell Dareus (Bills)

10.Brandon Williams (Ravens)

9.Linval Joseph (Vikings)

8.Geno Atkins (Bengals)

7.Calias Campbell (Jaguars)

6.Kawann Short (Panthers)

5.Gerald McCoy (Buccaneers)

4.Damon Harrison (Giants)

3.Fletcher Cox (Eagles)

2.Ndamukong Suh (Dolphins)

1.Aaron Donald (Rams) 

The Best and Worst of Joel Edgerton

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "It Comes at Night" star Joel Edgerton.

Film starring Joel Edgerton that I've seen:
Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones 
King Arthur
Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith
Smokin' Aces 
Warrior
The Thing
Zero Dark Thirty
Exodus: Gods and Kings
The Gift 
Black Mass
Jane Got a Gun
Midnight Special

Best Performance: Warrior (2011)
While far from consistent, Edgerton is a force to be reckoned with whenever he really commits himself to a role. The most impressive display of his abilities came in Gavin O'Connor's MMA-based family drama Warrior. Edgerton's powerful performance was crucial in helping Warrior establish the dense emotional core that helped set it apart from other recent sports dramas. 

Worst Performances: Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)
If I were to make a video exemplifying how detrimental overacting can be in an otherwise stone-serious movie, at least half of it would center around Edgerton's performance in Exodus. With a puzzling appearance that resembles a heavily spray-tanned Mr.Clean and barrage of hilariously over-the-top, scream-heavy monologues, Edgerton turns Biblical antagonist Ramesses into a zany cartoon villain that wouldn't have been out of place in an episode of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. 

Best Film: Smokin' Aces (2007)
Outside of Guy Ritchie's early work, blatant Quentin Tarantino rip-offs don't get any better than Joe Caranhan's Smokin' Aces. While the story is a complete clusterfuck that wraps up with one of the most ludicrous plot twists that I've ever seen in a movie, there's enough hyper-caffeinated action scenes, amusing dialogue and great performances here to make Smokin Aces' an absurdly fun ride that's worth taking over and over again. 

Worst Film: Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)
The 2000's haven't been particularly kind to Ridley Scott (Alien, Blade Runner) on the whole, but in my shitty opinion, the agonizingly dull Biblical epic Exodus: Gods and Kings is by far the biggest stain on the iconic 79-year old director's post-Y2K resume. Scott turned the very straightforward story of Moses and Ramesses into a convoluted political saga full of horrible performances, cheap-looking CGI and more dead air than a poorly-ran public access channel. Crafting a film that's as universally inept as Exodus with the likes of Scott, screenwriter Steve Zaillian (Schindler's List, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) and a gifted ensemble cast (Christian Bale, Edgerton, Ben Kingsley, Sigourney Weaver, Aaron Paul, John Turturro) on board is a legitimately mind-blowing feat that will be hard for any group of talented Hollywood heavyweights to top. 
 
Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "The Book of Henry" star Naomi Watts.  

2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Centers

20.Greg Mancz (Texans)
19.Justin Britt (Seahawks)
18.A.Q. Shipley (Cardinals)

17.Mitch Morse (Chiefs)

16.Mike Pouncey (Dolphins)
15.Weston Richburg (Giants) 

14.JC Tretter (Browns)

13.Cody Whitehair (Bears)

12.Matt Slauson (Chargers)

11.Joe Berger (Vikings)
10.Eric Wood (Bills)

9.Ben Jones (Titans)
8.Ryan Kalil (Panthers)

7.Matt Paradis (Broncos)

6.Brandon Linder (Jaguars)

5.Max Unger (Saints)
4.Maurkice Pouncey (Steelers)
3.Rodney Hudson (Raiders)
2.Alex Mack (Falcons)

1.Travis Fredrick (Cowboys)

2017 NFL Position Rankings: Top 30 Guards

30.Laurent Duvernay-Tardif (Chiefs)
29.Alex Boone (Vikings)
28.Shaq Mason (Patriots)
27.Roger Saffold (Rams)
26.Josh Kline (Titans)

25.Larry Warford (Saints)
24.Jack Mewhort (Colts)
23.Quinton Spain (Titans) 
22.Ronald Leary (Broncos)
21.Ali Marpet (Buccaneers)
20.Andy Levitre (Falcons)
19.Clint Boling (Bengals)

18.Trai Turner (Panthers)
17.James Carpenter (Jets)
16.Gabe Jackson (Raiders)
15.Joel Bitonio (Browns)
14.Mike Iupati (Cardinals)

13.T.J. Lang (Lions)
12.Justin Pugh (Giants)
11.Andrew Norwell (Panthers)

10.Kyle Long (Bears)
9.Ramon Foster (Steelers)

8.Richie Incognito (Bills)

7.Kevin Zeitler (Browns)

6.Brandon Brooks (Eagles)

5.David DeCastro (Steelers)

4.Josh Sitton (Bears)
3.Zack Martin (Cowboys)
2.Kelechi Osemele (Raiders)

1.Marshal Yanda (Ravens)

The Best and Worst of Chris Pine

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "Wonder Woman" star Chris Pine.

Film starring Chris Pine that I've seen:
Smokin' Aces
Star Trek
Unstoppable
This Means War
People Like Us
Star Trek Into Darkness
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit 
Horrible Bosses 2
The Finest Hours
Star Trek Beyond
Hell or High Water 

Best Performance: Hell or High Water (2016)
With the Star Trek trilogy and Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, Pine has solidified himself as one of the most charismatic and magnetic action heroes of his generation. With Hell or High Water, he proved has the chops to be a serious, award-caliber dramatic actor. Pine's turn as Toby Howard, a poor Texas man that decides to commit a series of bank robberies in order to get the money to save his family farm from foreclosure, is a phenomenal, layered portrayal of an honest man that's forced into a life of crime to secure a brighter future for his family.

Worst Performance: This Means War (2012)
McG's (Terminator Salvation, Charlie's Angels) spy-based romantic comedy This Means War is one of the most anonymous movies I've seen in the past five years, so it's not a huge shock that Pine's performance in it was mediocre as hell. Like his similarly talented co-stars Reese Witherspoon and Tom Hardy, Pine's acting is competent enough to be deemed passable, but not committed enough to be overly funny or memorable. 

Best Film: Star Trek (2009) 
Can you tell that I love this movie? J.J. Abrams' reboot of Gene Roddenberry beloved television property is a clever, spellbinding blockbuster that holds up incredibly well on repeat viewings.

Worst Film: The Finest Hours (2016)
The Finest Hours is one of the rare movies that I found to be a legit chore to sit through. Despite its "based on a true story" label, The Finest Hours is full of so much nauseating, overly sentimental Hollywood bullshit that it feels more like an episode of a soap opera than real fucking life. On top of all of the schmaltzy, emotionally-manipulative trash that's scattered throughout the story, the film chugs along at such an agonizingly slow pace that it makes two hours feel like 10. I'd rather get a prostate exam every week for the rest of my life than be forced to watch this insufferable piece of tearjerker porn again.  


Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "It Comes at Night" star Joel Edgerton.