2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Punters

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023 

20.(+) J.K. Scott (Chargers)

19.(+) Ethan Evans (Rams)

18.(4) Jack Fox (Lions)

17.(6) Tress Way (Commanders)

16.(8) Johnny Hekker (Panthers)

15.(10) Ryan Wright (Vikings)

14.(+) Mitch Wishnowsky (49ers)

13.(5) Tommy Townsend (Texans)

12.(20) Thomas Morstead (Jets)

11.(+) Rigoberto Sanchez (Colts)

10.(3) Logan Cooke (Jaguars)

9.(11) Cameron Johnston (Steelers)

8.(13) Jake Camarda (Buccaneers)

7.(15) Corey Bojorquez (Browns)

6.(18) Braden Mann (Eagles)

5.(16) Blake Gillikin (Cardinals)

4.(9) Ryan Stonehouse (Titans)

3.(2) Michael Dickson (Seahawks)

2.(7) Bryan Anger (Cowboys)

1.(1) A.J. Cole (Raiders)

Zac Efron Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Zac Efron-whose latest project "A Family Affair" releases on Netflix tomorrow. 

Zac Efron's Filmography Ranked:

17.New Year's Eve (D+)

16.Scoob! (D+)

15.Parkland (C)

14.The Paperboy (C)

13.Baywatch (B-)

12.17 Again (B-)

11.We Are Your Friends (B-)

10.Dirty Grandpa (B)

9.That Awkward Moment (B)

8.Ricky Stanicky (B)

7.Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (B)

6.Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (B+)

5.Neighbors (B+)

4.The Iron Claw (B+)

3.Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (A-)

2.The Beach Bum (A-)

1.The Disaster Artist (A)

Top Dog: The Disaster Artist (2017)

By balancing the inherent comedy of The Room's ridiculous production process with the disarming underdog charm of a wide-eyed dreamer getting to live out his movie star dreams against all odds, The Disaster Artist proves to be an exceptional adaptation of Greg Sestero's book of the same name.   

Bottom Feeder: New Year's Eve (2011)

The middle chapter of the unofficial holiday romcom trilogy that capped off the late Gary Marshall's career isn't a completely torturous watch, but it is an over-the-top schmaltzy affair that makes questionable use of the bulk of its massive ensemble cast.    

Most Underrated: Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)

I'm completely willing to admit that rating Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates ahead of The Iron Claw is an insane take that reenforces how questionable my taste in the good ol' cinema is, but I'm not ashamed of it all damn it! I sincerely believe that Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates is not only the most underrated comedy of the 2010's, but one of the funniest movies of the decade period. A goofy screwball affair where every single character/performance no matter how major or minor adds to the comedy value and the humor is a great mix of one-liners, physical comedy and vulgar situational comedy is something that I'll deeply respect. Plus, it holds up really well on rewatch-which is really the ultimate sign that a comedy is special.     

Most Overrated: None 

Efron has managed to put together the perfect kind of career to avoid starring in an overrated movie. His early post-High School Musical career was dominated by teen movies (17 Again, Charlie St. Cloud) and serious dramas (The Paperboy, Parkland) that got middling reviews. Then, he made a jump to R-rated comedies (Neighbors, Baywatch, Dirty Grandpa, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates). Now, he's in this weird spot where all of the previous phases of his careers are colliding into each other (Ricky Stanicky, The Greatest Beer Run Ever, A Family Affair) as he tries to find a lane to pursue as he enters his late 30's (although his acclaimed turn in The Iron Claw could change things for the better for him moving forward). Maybe if I'd seen The Greatest Showman I'd feel differently, but for now, I'll just take a moment to admire the unique path that allowed Efron to achieve longevity while almost exclusively starring in movies that were either too tepidly received or not aiming high enough artistically to qualify for this distinction.      

2024 NBA Mock Draft

Remarkably, the 2024 NBA Draft begins tonight at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. The consensus is that this class is the weakest on paper in quite some time and that widely held belief is reenforced by the complete lack of buzz surrounding any player who isn't the son of LeBron James. Probably the most notable thing about this draft is that it will mark the first time that the draft takes place over two nights, which is great news for the analysts covering the event and East Coast superfans who previously had to stay up until 12:37 AM EST to see all of the picks. Here's a quick rundown of the 58 names I expect to be called over the next 2 days as of 12:07 PM EST when no new trades involving picks in this year's draft have been completed.   

1st round:

1.Atlanta Hawks: Zaccharie Rischaer, guard/forward (JL Bourg)

2.Washington Wizards: Alex Sarr, center (Perth Wildcats)

3.Houston Rockets: Reed Sheppard, guard (Kentucky)

4.San Antonio Spurs: Stephon Castle, guard (UConn)

5.Detroit Pistons: Donovan Clingan, center (UConn)

6.Charlotte Hornets: Cody Williams, forward (Colorado)

7.Portland Trail Blazers: Matas Buzelis, forward (G League Ignite) 

8.San Antonio Spurs: Tidjane Salaun, forward (Cholet Basket) 

9.Memphis Grizzlies: Ron Holland, guard/forward (G League Ignite) 

10.Utah Jazz: Devin Carter, guard (Providence) 

11.Chicago Bulls: Tristian da Silva, forward (Colorado) 

12.Oklahoma City Thunder: Dalton Knecht, guard (Tennessee) 

13.Sacramento Kings: Carlton "Bub" Carrington, guard (Pittsburgh)

14.Portland Trail Blazers: Kyshawn George, guard/forward (Miami)

15.Miami Heat: Ja'Kobe Walter, guard (Baylor)

16.Philadelphia 76ers: Rob Dillingham, guard (Kentucky) 

17.Los Angeles Lakers: Jared McCain, guard (Duke)

18.Orlando Magic: DaRon Holmes, forward (Dayton)

19.Toronto Raptors: Zach Edey, center (Purdue) 

20.Cleveland Cavaliers: Nikola Topic, guard (KK Mega Basket)

21.New Orleans Pelicans: Yves Missi, center (Baylor)

22.Phoenix Suns: Tyler Kolek, guard (Marquette) 

23.Milwaukee Bucks: Johnny Furphy, guard/forward (Kansas)

24.New York Knicks: Ke'lele Ware, center (Indiana)

25.New York Knicks: Isaiah Collier, guard (USC)

26.Washington Wizards: Terrence Shannon, guard (Illinois)

27.Minnesota Timberwolves: Jaylon Tyson, guard (California) 

28.Denver Nuggets: Tyler Smith, forward (G League Ignite) 

29.Utah Jazz: Baylor Scheierman, forward (Creighton) 

30.Boston Celtics: Pacome Dadiet, forward (Ratiopharm Ulm)

2nd round:

31.Toronto Raptors: Cam Christie, guard (Minnesota)

32.Utah Jazz: Ryan Dunn, guard/forward (Virginia)

33.Milwaukee Bucks: Kyle Filipkowski, center (Duke) 

34.Portland Trail Blazers: Kevin McCullar Jr., guard (Kansas)

35.San Antoino Spurs: Dillion Jones, guard (Weber State) 

36.Indiana Pacers: Bobi Klintman, forward (Cairns Taipans) 

37.Minnesota Timberwolves: Jonathan Mogbo, forward (San Francisco)

38.New York Knicks: Enrique Freeman, forward (Akron) 

39.Memphis Grizzlies: A.J. Johnson, guard (Illawara) 

40.Portland Trail Blazers: Adem Bona, center (UCLA)

41.Philadelphia 76ers: Justin Edwards, guard/forward (Kentucky) 

42.Charlotte Hornets: Nikola Dunsic, guard (KK Mega Bemax)

43.Miami Heat: Keshad Johnson, guard/forward (Arizona) 

44.Houston Rockets: Harrison Ingram, guard/forward (North Carolina) 

45.Sacramento Kings: Jamal Shead, guard (Houston)

46.Los Angeles Clippers: K.J. Simpson, guard (Colorado) 

47.Orlando Magic: Pelle Larsson, guard (Arizona)  

48.San Antonio Spurs: Jaylen Wells, guard (Washington State)

49.Indiana Pacers: Ulrich Chomche, center (APR BBC) 

50.Indiana Pacers: Trenytn Flowers, guard (Adelaide 36ers) 

51.Washington Wizards: Judah Mintz, guard (Syracuse) 

52.Golden State Warriors: Tristen Newton, guard (UConn) 

53.Detroit Pistons: Ajay Mitchell, guard (UC Santa Barbara) 

54.Boston Celtics: P.J. Hall, center (Clemson) 

55.Los Angeles Lakers: Bronny James, guard (USC) 

56.Denver Nuggets: Juan Nunez, guard (Ratiopharm Ulm) 

57.Memphis Grizzlies: Oso Ighodaro, forward (Marquette) 

58.Dallas Mavericks: Melvin Ajinca, forward (Saint-Quentin BB)

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Kickers

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023

20.(+) Matt Prater (Cardinals)

19.(4) Tyler Bass (Bills)

18.(19) Wil Lutz (Broncos)

17.(+) Jason Sanders (Dolphins)

16.(+) Dustin Hopkins (Browns)

15.(13) Ka'imi Fairbairn (Texans)

14.(5) Jason Myers (Seahawks)

13.(11) Evan McPherson (Bengals)

12.(15) Greg Zuerlein (Jets)

11.(7) Younghoe Koo (Falcons)

10.(17) Cairo Santos (Bears)

9.(2) Daniel Carlson (Raiders)

8.(20) Chase McLaughlin (Buccaneers)

7.(16) Chris Boswell (Steelers)

6.(10) Jake Elliott (Eagles)

5.(14) Nick Folk (Titans)

4.(+) Brandon Aubrey (Cowboys)

3.(+) Cameron Dicker (Chargers)

2.(9) Harrison Butker (Chiefs)

1.(1) Justin Tucker (Ravens)

Movie Review: The Bikeriders

It's been a good long while since Jeff Nichols made a movie as his last two projects (Midnight Special, Loving) were released in 2016. Maybe all the time away from the job produced some rust because his comeback feature The Bikeriders doesn't feel like the work of a seasoned, gifted artist.

This period drama inspired by Danny Lyons' photobook of the same name follows a Chicago-based biker gang called the Vandals from roughly the mid 60's to the early 70's. To tell the story of the Vandals rise and fall, Nichols uses a framing device of Lyons (Mike Faist) interviewing a woman named Kathy (Jodie Comer)-who is married to Vandals member Benny (Austin Butler)-to fill in the blanks of what happened with the club after he stopped riding with/photographing them in 1967. By having Kathy recount a set of stories that are comprised of more secondhand anecdotes than her own personal experiences, Nichols creates a pretty massive distance between what appears on screen and the true heart of the club. Sure, Kathy witnessed some important things, and she knows what the burden of the club's slow descent into the criminal underworld has done to Benny, but the majority of the most seismic events that changed the trajectory of the Vandals didn't involve her or Benny. While this whole scrapbook-y narrative approach is a nice way to honor Lyons' work, Nichols primary intention here is to use the Vandals' story as a way to demythologize the American biker and being so far zoomed out from the innerworkings of the club renders these humanizing efforts largely ineffective.      

Without any real interest in exploring these characters, the culture of the time or really anything of substance, Nichols relies a lot on the inherent coolness of biker gangs and the magnetism of his lead actors to get by. And to his credit, there are times where this approach pays off. There are some stirring moments of old school gangster movie brutality and freewheeling fun to be had as the Vandals evolution from a group of friends bound together by their love of motorcycles to something much more sinister is taking place while Comer, Butler and Tom Hardy-who steals the show as the club's gruff founder Johnny who slowly becomes terrified by the beast he helped create-all threaten to add some depth to the proceedings with the quiet humanity they bring to their thinly written characters. There's a version of The Bikeriders where the focus on the aesthetic and how its actors fit into it is strong enough on its own to make this movie a really great time, but sadly, what made it to the screen isn't compelling enough to overcome how it little it has going on beyond the sea of leather vests, loud bikes and bareknuckle brawls that are the center of the bulk of its frames.

The Bikeriders will unquestionably end up going down as one of the most aggravating watches of the year for me. Nichols and his cast are far too talented to be responsible for putting something so hollow and fragmented into the world. This could've been Goodfellas on motorcycles or a period version of Sons of Anarchy if done right, but the movie never even sniffs being propulsive, vulnerable or smart enough to travel down either of those superior paths. Let's hope that Nichols' next project has some more panache and weight behind it, or it may be time to start questioning whether he's capable of making something as good as Take Shelter or Mud ever again.                              

Grade: B-

Jesse Plemons Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Jesse Plemons-whose latest project "Kinds of Kindness" opens in NYC/LA theaters today and expands nationwide next week.

Jesse Plemons' Filmography Ranked:

20.Battleship (D)

19.Observe and Report (C)

18.Bridge of Spies (C)

17.Antlers (C+)

16.American Made (C+)

15.Jungle Cruise (B-)

14.Like Mike (B-)

13.Black Mass (B)

12.The Post (B)

11.Paul (B)

10.Hostiles (B)

9.Varsity Blues (B+)

8.Other People (B+)

7.The Irishman (B+)

6.Vice (B+)

5.Civil War (B+)

4.The Power of the Dog (B+)

3.Killers of the Flower Moon (B+)

2.Game Night (A) 

1.Judas and the Black Messiah (A)

Top Dog: Judas and the Black Messiah (2021)

Shaka King pulled off something really special with Judas and the Black Messiah. This film that looks at how the FBI tapped petty thief William O'Neal to infiltrate the Chicago chapter of the Black Panthers and eventually help facilitate the assassination of the group's leader Fred Hampton at the hands of law enforcement simultaneously manages to be a riveting political thriller and deeply disturbing look at the lengths the American government will go to stomp out the threat of a cultural revolution-especially when it involves black people. The towering performances from Daniel Kaluuya as Hampton, LaKeith Stanfield as O'Neal and Dominique Fishback as Hampton's girlfriend/mother of his child Deborah Johnson are the best they've ever turned in and the final scene is one of the most gut-wrenching things I've ever seen in a film.     

Bottom Feeder: Battleship (2012)

While Peter Berg may not be among Hollywood's most gifted or respected filmmakers, he's capable of far better than what he delivers in Battleship. Turning the classic board game into a Transformers clone is a perfectly fine idea on the surface, the execution is just really, really poor. There should've been at least a few moments of dumb fun with this conceit, but a combination of Berg playing this shit way too straight and putting together a string of action sequences that have absolutely zero creativity or style turned that into an impossible dream.    

Most Underrated: Other People (2016)

Other People is one of those (sadly) increasingly regular examples of a Sundance title getting buried upon its general release. This tearjerker dramedy overcomes the trappings of a story riddled with soapy developments courtesy of its pure heart and really tremendous performances lead performances from Plemons and Molly Shannon as an estranged son and mother who are brought back together when she gets diagnosed with a rare form of terminal cancer.   

Most Overrated: Bridge of Spies (2015)

The reaction that many people had to The Post is the one that I had to Bridge of Spies. Steven Spielberg being behind such a boilerplate, intrigue-free spy drama is a pretty staggering development and Mark Rylance's win over Sylvester Stallone for Best Supporting Actor is perhaps the most disgusted I was by an Oscars result during the 2010's. 

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 50 Safeties

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023

50.(16) Micah Hyde (Free Agent)

49.(12) Eddie Jackson (Free Agent)

48.(49) Malik Hooker (Cowboys)

47.(+) Brandon Jones (Broncos)

46.(+) Marcus Epps (Raiders)

45.(+) Jason Pinnock (Giants)

44.(+) Tony Adams (Jets)

43.(28) Vonn Bell (Bengals)

42.(17) Justin Reid (Chiefs)

41.(19) Jimmie Ward (Texans)

40.(32) Juan Thornhill (Browns)

39.(+) DeShon Elliott (Steelers)

38.(38) Jaquan Brisker (Bears)

37.(35) Donovan Wilson (Cowboys)

36.(44) Jordan Fuller (Panthers)

35.(+ ) Jordan Battle (Bengals)

34.(+) Ifeatu Melifonwu (Lions)

33.(33) Tashaun Gibson (Free Agent)

32.(43) Amani Hooker (Titans)

31.(+) Julian Blackmon (Colts)

30.(15) Harrison Smith (Vikings)

29.(+) Grant Delpit (Browns)

28.(+) Tre'Von Moehrig (Raiders)

27.(+) Camrn Bynum (Vikings)

26.(42) Jalen Thompson (Cardinals)

25.(40) Xavier Woods (Panthers)

24.(+) Alohi Gilman (Chargers)

23.(+) Reed Blankenship (Eagles)

22.(+) Geno Stone (Bengals)

21.(25) Talanoa Hufanga (49ers)

20.(13) Kyle Dugger (Patriots)

19.(7) Justin Simmons (Free Agent)

18.(11) Budda Baker (Cardinals)

17.(37) Jordan Whitehead (Buccaneers)

16.(9) Kamren Curl (Rams)

15.(30) Andre Cisco (Jaguars)

14.(14) C.J. Gardner-Johnson (Eagles)

13.(27) Julian Love (Seahawks)

12.(3) Derwin James (Chargers)

11.(10) Jordan Poyer (Dolphins)

10.(4) Marcus Williams (Ravens)

9.(2) Kevin Byard (Bears)

8.(+) Xavier McKinney (Packers)

7.(29) Jevon Holland (Dolphins)

6.(39) Jabrill Peppers (Patriots)

5.(24) Kyle Hamilton (Ravens)

4.(1) Minkah Fitzpatrick (Steelers)

3.(5) Tyrann Mathieu (Saints)

2.(8) Jessie Bates III (Falcons)

1.(6) Antoine Winfield Jr. (Buccaneers)

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 50 Cornerbacks

=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023

50.(26) Tyson Campbell (Jaguars)

49.(+) Ronald Darby (Jaguars)

48.(+) Arthur Maulet (Ravens)

47.(40) Kader Kohou (Dolphins)

46.(44) Martin Emerson Jr. (Browns)

45.(27) Tariq Woolen (Seahawks)

44.(+) Josh Metellus (Vikings)

43.(+) Dee Alford (Falcons)

42.(22) Tre'Davious White (Rams)

41.(41) Greg Newsome II (Browns)

40.(38) Marcus Peters (Free Agent)

39.(50) Asante Samuel Jr. (Chargers)

38.(28) Jaycee Horn (Panthers)

37.(9) James Bradberry (Eagles)

36.(15) Chidobe Awuzie (Titans)

35.(+) Nate Hobbs (Raiders)

34.(+) Derek Stingley Jr. (Texans)

33.(19) Carlton Davis (Lions)

32.(+) Brandon Stephens (Ravens)

31.(33) Jonathan Jones (Patriots)

30.(31) Michael Carter II (Jets)

29.(+) Brian Branch (Lions)

28.(+) Christian Benford (Bills)

27.(7) Darius Slay (Eagles)

26.(+) Paulson Adebo (Saints)

25.(+) Decommodore Lenoir (49ers)

24.(32) Taron Johnson (Bills)

23.(+) Devon Witherspoon (Seahawks)

22.(8) Stephon Gilmore (Free Agent)

21.(6) Marlon Humphrey (Ravens)

20.(16) Marshon Lattimore (Saints)

19.(18) Denzel Ward (Browns)

18.(21) Trevon Diggs (Cowboys)

17.(11) Jamel Dean (Buccaneers)

16.(39) Darious Williams (Rams)

15.(25) L'Jarius Sneed (Titans)

14.(20) Mike Hilton (Bengals)

13.(23) A.J. Terrell (Falcons)

12.(30) Rasul Douglas (Bills)

11.(24) Kenny Moore (Colts)

10.(14) D.J. Reed (Jets)

9.(10) Kendall Fuller (Dolphins)

8.(48) Trent McDuffie (Chiefs)

7.(+) DaRon Bland (Cowboys)

6.(36) Jaylon Johnson (Bears)

5.(3) Patrick Surtain II (Broncos)

4.(1) Jalen Ramsey (Dolphins)

3.(2) Jaire Alexander (Packers)

2.(5) Charvarius Ward (49ers)

1.(4) Sauce Gardner (Jets)

Movie Review: The Watchers

Ishana Night Shyamalan has been getting primed to follow in her father M. Night's filmmaking footsteps over the past few years. She was a staple in the writer's room and behind the camera on his Apple TV+ series Servant over the final 3 seasons of its 4-season run while also serving as an assistant director on both of the features he's made during this decade that are already out in the world (Old, Knock at the Cabin). Now, Ishana has been called up to the big leagues with her feature debut The Watchers and sorry to say, she's just not quite ready to thrive in the show.

What's particularly eerie about The Watchers is that it's completely indecipherable from an M. Night Shyamalan movie. And I'm not taking about a cheap imitation either. It's a textbook uneven Shyamalan picture from start to finish. Intriguing folklore-inspired mystery premise (four strangers trapped in a vast secluded forest in the Irish countryside are forced to retreat to a bunker every night to "perform" for the mysterious nocturnal creatures that are only keeping them alive to observe them)? Check. Beautiful cinematography, meticulously detailed sound design and rich atmosphere that keeps things engaging? Uh-huh. Robotic dialogue that makes its cast (Dakota Fanning, Georgina Campbell, Olwen Fouere, Oliver Finnegan) look considerably less talented than they actually are? Yep. Conveniently timed exposition dumps that reveal every single piece of important information about the plot? You bet. All of its established good will promptly going out the window thanks to a poor final act that's spawned by a deeply silly plot twist? That's a Shyamalan bingo, gang! Really about the only difference between Ishana and M. Night's approach is that the twist here is telegraphed during one of the exposition dumps around the halfway mark and doesn't come completely out of left field in the final minutes like many of his worst ones have. 

Ishana having the same influences and interests as her father isn't surprising, especially since she cut her teeth working on his projects and there's no question that she absorbed the hell out of any lessons he gave her over the years. But the harsh reality is that M. Night's playbook isn't the best one to follow as he's somebody who's failed to escape from a pattern bad filmmaking habits for 20+ years now. The good news is that she's still super young and could easily find her own artistic voice in time. There's some raw potential on display in between all of the storytelling hiccups and missteps and hopefully she'll learn the right lessons from what went wrong here. And if she doesn't, well at least a lot of movie fans can see the rates of their Shyamalan rants double.                     

Grade: C

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Inside Linebackers

()=2023 ranking

+-Unranked or ineligible in 2023

35.(+) Zaire Franklin (Colts)

34.(21) Germaine Pratt (Bengals)

33.(+) Azeez Al-Shaair (Texans)

32.(+) E.J. Speed (Colts)

31.(+) Micah McFadden (Giants)

30.(+) Alex Anazalone (Lions)

29.(+) Jack Gibbens (Titans)

28.(22) Jerome Baker (Seahawks)

27.(26) Josey Jewell (Panthers)

26.(+) Elandon Roberts (Steelers)

25.(28) Eric Kendricks (Cowboys)

24.(+) Tyrel Dodson (Seahawks)

23.(+) Ivan Pace Jr. (Vikings)

22.(+) Devin Lloyd (Jaguars)

21.(7) Logan Wilson (Bengals)

20.(+) Robert Spillane (Raiders)

19.(+) Blake Cashman (Vikings)

18.(18) Jordan Hicks (Browns)

17.(10) Ja'Whaun Bentley (Patriots)

16.(14) David Long Jr. (Dolphins)

15.(34) Patrick Queen (Steelers)

14.(23) Frankie Luvu (Commanders)

13.(29) Kaden Elliss (Falcons)

12.(+) Quincy Williams (Jets)

11.(15) Foyesade Oluokun (Jaguars)

10.(35) Ernest Jones (Rams)

9.(17) C.J. Mosley (Jets)

8.(12) Bobby Okereke (Giants)

7.(5) Nick Bolton (Chiefs)

6.(4) Lavonte David (Buccaneers)

5.(6) Matt Milano (Bills)

4.(2) Bobby Wagner (Commanders)

3.(3) Demario Davis (Saints)

2.(9) Roquan Smith (Ravens)

1.(1) Fred Warner (49ers)

Amy Poehler Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related accolades. This week, I'm profiling the work of Amy Poehler-whose latest project "Inside Out 2" releases in theaters today. 

Amy Poehler's Filmography Ranked:

17.Southland Tales (D-)

16.Mr. Woodcock (D+)

15.Monsters vs. Aliens (C-)

14.The House (C)

13.Moxie (C)

12.Inside Out (C)

11.They Came Together (C)

10.Wake Up, Ron Burgundy (C+)

9.Wine Country (C+)

8.Baby Mama (C+)

7.Blades of Glory (B-)

6.Hamlet 2 (B-)

5.Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (B)

4.Sisters (B)

3.Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny (B)

2.Mean Girls (B)

1.Wet Hot American Summer (A)

Top Dog: Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

Few pieces of media have shaped my sense of humor to the degree Wet Hot American Summer has. Everything about this movie is so deeply silly and strange and it's incredible to watch a series of increasingly stupid/deranged bits be expertly built up and paid off as the film progresses. Seeing some many future famous faces including Paul Rudd, Bradley Cooper, Elizabeth Banks, Christopher Meloni and Poehler lend their talents to something so absurd only adds to the fun. 

Bottom Feeder: Southland Tales (2007)

Endless ambition can't save Southland Tales from being a staggering disaster. How Richard Kelly followed up something as haunting and engrossing as Donnie Darko with this rambling nonsensical mess of a movie makes zero sense whatsoever. Maybe Kelly will be freed from director's jail one day and get a chance to redeem himself, but for now he's just a man who failed to parlay a brilliant movie into a brilliant career.     

Most Underrated: Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (2006)

While not without its shaky stretches, The Pick of Destiny features some of the funniest songs Tenacious D has ever written ("Kickapoo", "Master Exploder", "Beezleboss (The Final Showdown") and lovingly embodies the duo's ridiculous, heavy metal-loving spirit. 

Most Overrated: Inside Out (2015)

Inside Out is right up there with Onward and Brave as the top contenders for the title of Most Forgettable Pixar Movie. It's not overly funny, the emotional beats didn't resonate with me (particularly the big Bing Bong scene) and I didn't find it to be the profound study of the ups-and-downs of mental health that many found it to be.   

Movie Review: Hit Man

Getting one ascending star to lead an indie movie is a stroke of good fortune. Getting a pair of them is like completing a Hail Mary for a touchdown. Hit Man pulls off that euphoric miracle play with its call sheet-topping duo of Glen Powell and Adria Arjona. The delicate balancing act of Richard Linklater's darkly comedic romantic crime thriller about a nerdy college professor (Powell) who moonlights as a fake hitman-for-hire for the New Orleans Police Department whose entire operation gets suddenly upended when he meets a woman (Arjona) who wants to kill her estranged husband (Evan Holtzman) probably doesn't work without actors that don't have the chops to handle the array of notes this wacky script (penned by Linklater and Powell himself) plays. Powell juggles being a soft-spoken, philosophical guy and a suave, eccentric chameleon that adapts to whatever situation he's placed in with complete ease-often blurring the lines between his character Gary Johnson and the personas Gary creates to catch his "clients" redhanded committing a crime while Arjona puts a modern spin on a classic noir femme fatale archetype by making Madison Masters a woman that is just as mysterious and confounding as she is charming and curious. They both do such an excellent job of embodying hurt people that have walled themselves off from others as a defense mechanism and all of the great and bad shit that happens when those walls come crashing down and vulnerability comes pouring out while also trying to reckon with the guilt of the damaging lies that are hiding right beneath these powerful truths.          

As great as they are as individual performers, what they do together is superhuman. There's chemistry between actors like what Powell himself has had with some of his past love interests like Sydney Sweeney and Zoey Deutch and then there's CHEMISTRY like what he was with Arjona. From the moment Gary and Madison lay eyes on each other for the first time in a diner, there's this easy yet explosive energy between them that is downright overwhelming. In the early stages of the movie, Gary has been shown to be completely uncrackable during his sting operations. His wits, calm under pressure and gift for putting people at ease to the point where they're comfortable enough to openly admit they want to pay to have somebody murdered has led to dozens of busts. Then he meets Madison, and his entire well-oiled playbook goes out the window. He actively gets her to avoid incriminating herself, engages in small talk and worst of all, eventually agrees to see her again outside of a professional context. 

The diner scene and everything that follows it wouldn't be at all convincing if the connection wasn't so strong between the performers. I'm not one of these "nobody has chemistry in the movies anymore!" people, but what is going on between Powell and Arjona here is special. They have the kind of immediate, undeniable spark that everybody aims to have when they make a romantic movie but almost never actually find. There's a playfulness, passion and sense of yearning in the air during their interactions that shows off the depth of their connection in ways that words alone never could. There's never even a hint of doubt as to why these people are willing to jeopardize everything else in their lives for each other. Considering how they met, they aren't unafraid of any messiness that comes along, they're full-on embracing it and no amount of water in the world could possibly put out the flames that exist between them. Apologies in advance to any other romantic movies released in the near future. The chemistry bar has been raised and it's going to take some serious effort to reach it, let alone clear it.  

The slickness of Hit Man's ambitious genre mashup and exploration of fearless self-discovery in the face of danger gets a little cute for its own good with an ending that's both too convenient and silly for an otherwise pretty grounded movie. Seeing something that is otherwise such a good time stumble late is a bit disheartening, but it's hardly the first noir-inspired movie to hurt itself with a weak ending, so in a weird way it might make the homage stronger. Alas, its poor finale is just a small bump in the road for this great little movie that is probably the best thing Netflix has released on their platform in 6 months and the loudest possible way for Powell and Arjona to announce that they are the real fucking deal.   

Grade: B+

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Outside Linebackers

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023

35.(+) Lorenzo Carter (Falcons)

34.(+) Byron Young (Rams)

33.(+) Yaya Diaby (Buccaneers)

32.(+) Zaven Collins (Cardinals)

31.(+) Tuli Tuipulotu (Chargers)

30.(21) Pete Werner (Saints)

29.(34) Arden Key (Titans)

28.(+) Baron Browning (Broncos)

27.(+) Leo Chenal (Chiefs)

26.(+) Christian Harris (Texans)

25.(14) Uchena Nwosu (Seahawks)

24.(+) De'Vondre Campbell (49ers)

23.(+) Drue Tranquill (Chiefs)

22.(+) Boye Mafe (Seahawks)

21.(19) Harold Landry (Titans)

20.(13) Dre Greenlaw (49ers)

19.(+) Kyle Van Noy (Ravens)

18.(16) Shaq Barrett (Dolphins)

17.(+) Brandon Graham (Eagles)

16.(22) Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah (Browns)

15.(+) Odafe Oweh (Ravens)

14.(+) Josh Sweat (Eagles)

13.(+) Bryce Huff (Eagles)

12.(27) Jahlani Tavai (Patriots)

11.(+) Jadeveon Clowney (Panthers)

10.(+) Andrew Van Ginkel (Vikings)

9.(+) Jonathan Greenard (Vikings)

8.(8) T.J. Edwards (Bears)

7.(9) Jaelan Phillips (Dolphins)

6.(2) Joey Bosa (Chargers)

5.(17) Bradley Chubb (Dolphins)

4.(4) Matthew Judon (Patriots)

3.(5) Alex Highsmith (Steelers)

2.(12) Khalil Mack (Chargers)

1.(1) T.J. Watt (Steelers)

Movie Review: Bad Boys: Ride or Die

A lot has happened to the top creative personnel behind Bad Boys for Life since it was released in theaters in January 2020. Will Smith won an Oscar, got banned from the Academy for 10 years and exposed to the world that Judd Apatow has no clue the level of force that's required for a human being to kill another person with their bare hands. Martin Lawrence embarked on his first serious acting role in an indie thriller called Mindcage where John Malkovich plays a convicted, imprisoned serial killer who rocks a long-haired wig that couldn't have cost more than $20 at Party City. Directing duo Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah had their Batgirl movie shelved deep into post-production because anti-art stooge David Zaslav wanted to give Warner Brothers a tax break. After this tumultuous personal and professional period, these artists reconvened last year to make another Bad Boys movie. While I clearly have no clue if it benefited their lives away from set, Ride or Die feels like the work of people who couldn't be happier to have the opportunity to leave behind all the industry bullshit they've dealt with of late and get back to what really matters: making movies.

Anybody who saw Bad Boys for Life won't be particularly shocked by the overall direction Ride or Die goes in. The plot is once again just as focused on Mike Lowry and Marcus Burnett trying to reconcile with the scars brought on by aging as it is their quest to bring down the bad guys-which in this case is a psychotic corrupt DEA agent (Eric Dane) who has framed them and the late Captain Conrad Howard (Joe Pantoliano) for the string of cartel-related crimes he's committed, there's some borderline supernatural quirks sprinkled into the script/action beats that make the film a different brand of over-the-top than it was when Michael Bay was at the helm, and Mike's illegitimate son Armando (Jacob Scipio) gets an unlikely redemption arc after being the co-antagonist in the previous film when a key development early in the film forces him to reluctantly team up with his father. What differentiates it from for Life and ultimately, makes it a bit of an improvement is the greater sense of urgency that its leads and filmmakers bring to the project. These gentlemen have taken some hits in the industry and in the case of Smith, his career looked like it might even be in jeopardy as Ride or Die marked the first time since "The Slap" that he got offered a gig. Ride or Die is the cathartic redemption victory lap that these guys have wanted to take for quite some time now and as both a fan of action films and people triumphantly flipping the double birds to those who have wronged them, it was beautiful to witness. 

Smith and Lawrence's well-established natural buddy rapport feels more meaningful this time around as Marcus and Mike show a real gratitude for as each other while their whole world spins out of control. Even the hilarious ball-busting that represents the bread and butter of their dialogue exchanges is rooted in a sense of love and respect here. These characters have been through the ringer with each other for almost 30 years now and the appreciation for the reliability of each other's presence and the unbreakable bond they share has considerably grown with age. The only way this current iteration of the Lowry/Burnett partnership could've been better would've been if they had saved "We ride. We die together. Bad Boys for Life" line for this installment. Chalk up another loss for whoever decided to name the third film Bad Boys for Life!  

As for Adill and Billal, it turns out that For Life was just them dipping their toes in the Bad Boys water and focusing on acclimating to the world that Michael Bay built without rocking the boat too much. Now that they're comfortable playing in the Bad Boys sandbox, the duo took it upon themselves to go full sicko mode this time around. The blocking and shot selections of the action sequences-particularly in the latter half of the film-is among the craziest this genre has produced in at least the last decade. Drones frantically bob and weave through confined indoor environments to profile exactly what our heroes have to contend with in order to escape with their lives. A camera is placed outside of a descending glass elevator to track the brutal 1 v.1 fight that's taking place inside. An extended first-person sequence in the finale is the seamless mix of video game concepts and movie magic that action filmmakers have been trying to achieve for the past 20 years. All of these choices along with the dozens of other inspired ones that I don't have time to profile here amass to delivering the kind of kinetic, enthralling spectacle that every fan of action films wants to see when they sit down to watch one of these movies. Creating their own distinctly chaotic language in action cinema is really the best way to honor what Bay started and as long as no more clueless evil executive throws their future movies in the trash, this tandem should be able to put together a great, long career in Hollywood.

When the dust settles on this summer, Bad Boys: Ride or Die will go down among the highlights. It's simply a highly entertaining film full of laughs, great action and heartfelt character moments that seems like it's going to resonate with audiences around the globe. Just like last month's The Fall Guy, it's the kind of movie that is tailor made to be consumed on a big screen during this portion of the calendar and it was a real treat to be served up yet another great action blockbuster in a year where there's less product of this ilk than usual on account of the strike-related delays. Wherever the Bad Boys franchise goes next is anyone's guess, but if they do indeed elect to keep it going, hopefully the impressive streak of maintaining its depraved energy and top-notch chaotic craftsmanship over 29 years will remain unbroken.                                             

Grade: B+

Martin Lawrence Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Martin Lawrence-whose latest project "Bad Boys: Ride or Die" releases in theaters today. 

Martin Lawrence's Filmography Ranked:

18.Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (D-)

17.Big Momma's House 2 (D+)

16.Big Momma's House (D+)

15.Wild Hogs (D+)

14.House Party (C-)

13.What's the Worst That Could Happen? (C-)

12.Black Knight (C-)

11.National Security (C+)

10.Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (B-)

9.Nothing to Lose (B-)

8.Life (B)

7.Blue Streak (B)

6.Death at a Funeral (B)

5.Bad Boys for Life (B+)

4.The Beach Bum (A-)

3.Bad Boys (A-)

2.Bad Boys II (A-)

1.Do the Right Thing (A+)

Top Dog: Do the Right Thing (1989)

What Spike Lee did with Do the Right Thing is really incredible. Using a blisteringly hot summer day in New York City as the backdrop, Lee explores how the simmering racial tension that is at the very fabric of our society can boil up into violence at any moment if somebody turns the heat up. Its straightforward slice of life narrative structure is what makes it particularly brilliant as it shows just how quickly a routine day full of laughs, playful banter and miscellaneous mundane tasks can flip into something horrific on a whim. Hopefully this devastating masterpiece can continue to stand the test of time.     

Bottom Feeder: Big Mommas House: Like Father, Like Son (2011)

There may not be a franchise released this century that was less deserving of becoming a trilogy than Big Mommas House. The comedy in these films is so consistently lowbrow and cringeworthy that they make Eddie Murphy's Nutty Professor movies look like Being John Malkovich. Remarkably, the third film in the franchise is somehow considerably worse than the first two. Like Father, Like Son sees Lawrence aimlessly punching a clock doing another string of groaner bits surrounding crossdressing, obesity, etc. and Brandon T. Jackson-who plays Lawrence's college-age son-willingly tanking a career that appeared to have a lot of promise after his hilarious supporting turn in Tropic Thunder.

Most Underrated: The Beach Bum (2019)

In a weird way, The Beach Bum seems like Harmony Korine's way of expressing the peace he's found in life. Of course, this journey to serenity involves copious drug use, surreal bursts of dark comedy and a collection of characters with questionable moral compasses, but there's a big beating heart resting underneath its scuzzy exterior! This character study surrounding a slacker poet named Moondog (Matthew McConaughey in a role that he was born to play) is a shaggy, often hilarious tale about opening yourself up to the world, channeling the devastation of loss into a will to live life to its fullest to honor the memory of a loved one and finding what really matters most in the world underneath all of the noisy bullshit humans tend to distract themselves. These are not the set of optimistic messages I expected to find in a movie made by the man behind some of the most nihilistic movies I've ever seen in my life (Spring Breakers, Gummo, Trash Humpers) and that's a big part of why I love this movie so much.         

Most Overrated: House Party (1990)

All of the love House Party was receiving in the wake of last year's admittedly mediocre remake was not something I could get behind. Like a lot of comedies from its era, it's aged like milk on account of the content of its humor (the amount of homophobia present is staggering) and the respectable chemistry between its leads (Kid n' Play) isn't enough for to overcome the lack of laughs it delivers for most of its runtime.   

Best Bad Boys Movie: Bad Boys II (2003) 

All of the first three Bad Boys movies are great, but only one serves as the ultimate showcase for the singular cinematic voice that is Michael Bay. Bad Boys II ranks as one of the most excessive, chaotic and depraved films that I've ever laid eyes upon. Just when you think things couldn't get any crazier, Bay drops an action setpiece or a shot selection or narrative choice that easily outdoes what preceded it. No fucking wonder they had to wait 17 years to make a third installment. The world needed some time to cool down after being exposed to a madman's magnum opus.     

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Defensive Tackles

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023 

35.(+) Jarran Reed (Seahawks)

34.(+) Jalen Carter (Eagles)

33.(15) Dalvin Tomlinson (Browns)

32.(35) Maliek Collins (49ers)

31.(18) Da'Ron Payne (Commanders)

30.(20) Sheldon Rankins (Bengals)

29.(+) Denico Autry (Texans))

28.(+) Shelby Harris (Browns)

27.(+) Keeanu Benton (Steelers)

26.(32) B.J. Hill (Bengals)

25.(28) Ed Oliver (Bills)

24.(27) Jordan Davis (Eagles)

23.(+) Kobie Turner (Rams)

22.(24) DaQuan Jones (Bills)

21.(17) Grover Stewart (Colts)

20.(21) Michael Pierce (Ravens)

19.(13) Grady Jarrett (Falcons)

18.(8) Jonathan Allen (Commanders)

17.(+) Osa Odighizuwa (Cowboys)

16.(+) Kenny Clark (Packers)

15.(26) Alim McNeill (Lions)

14.(+) Justin Madubuike (Ravens)

13.(29) David Onyemata (Falcons)

12.(33) Christian Barmore (Patriots)

11.(10) Javon Hargrave (49ers)

10.(9) Jeffrey Simmons (Titans)

9.(14) Arik Armstead (Jaguars)

8.(16) Vita Vea (Buccaneers)

7.(3) Cameron Hayward (Steelers)

6.(11) D.J. Reader (Lions)

5.(7) Christian Wilkins (Raiders)

4.(5) DeForest Buckner (Colts)

3.(6) Quinnen Williams (Jets)

2.(4) Dexter Lawrence (Giants)

1.(1) Chris Jones (Chiefs)

2024 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Defensive Ends

()=2023 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2023

35.(+) A.J. Epenesa (Bills)

34.(+) George Karlaftis (Chiefs)

33.(+) Mike Danna (Chiefs)

32.(+) Kayvon Thibodeaux (Giants)

31.(+) Leonard Floyd (49ers)

30.(+) Dorance Armstrong (Commanders)

29.(22) Zach Allen (Broncos)

28.(26) Chase Young (Saints)

27.(23) Kwity Paye (Colts)

26.(12) John Franklin-Myers (Broncos)

25.(+) Preston Smith (Packers)

24.(21) Carl Granderson (Saints)

23.(18) Greg Rousseau (Bills)

22.(+) Jermaine Johnson (Jets)

21.(+) Malcolm Koonce (Raiders)

20.(10) Calias Campbell (Dolphins)

19.(8) Cameron Jordan (Saints)

18.(13) Leonard Williams (Seahawks)

17.(30) Samson Ebukam (Colts)

16.(+) Rashan Gary (Packers)

15.(+) Will Anderson Jr. (Texans)

14.(+) Brian Burns (Giants)

13.(6) Za'Darius Smith (Browns)

12.(11) Montez Sweat (Bears)

11.(+) Haason Reddick (Jets)

10.(14) DeMarcus Lawrence (Cowboys)

9.(+) Danielle Hunter (Texans)

8.(+) Derrick Brown (Panthers)

7.(19) Aidan Hutchinson (Lions)

6.(5) Trey Hendrickson (Bengals)

5.(+) Josh Allen (Jaguars)

4.(3) Maxx Crosby (Raiders)

3.(4) Micah Parsons (Cowboys)

2.(1) Nick Bosa (49ers)

1.(2) Myles Garrett (Browns)

Movie Review: Atlas

 

During Game 4 of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals last Monday, I saw a commercial that caused me to immediately double over with laughter. I'd actually go as far to say that I haven't laughed this hard at a television commercial since the Planters Super Bowl ad where they killed Mr. Peanut. So, what was the ad for? The Netflix original movie Atlas. In this 60 second spot, Netflix referred to the film as a "global phenomenon" and encouraged people to check it out to see what all the fuss is about. For reference purposes, Atlas had been out for 4 days when this spot aired and the evidence being used to support the global phenomenon claim is it placing #1 on their movie charts over its initial 3 days of release (as of yesterday, it remained at #1).

Now, I have a series of simple questions for anyone reading this: Does Atlas feel like a "global phenomenon" to you? Have you watched it? Has anyone you know watched it? Have you comes across people talking about it in a public setting? Hell, have you even seen a fucking tweet, TikTok or really any other form of social media post about it that wasn't sponsored by Netflix? My best guess is that the answer to all of the above questions for most of the people reading this is no.

Adding another layer of comedy to this ad hyping up Atlas' anecdotal success comes on the heels of Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos making comments in a New York Times profile where he claimed that last summer's biggest films Barbie and Oppenheimer would've enjoyed the same level of success if they had debuted on Netflix. While I fully understand that CEO's have to pimp their product to a hyperbolic degree every time they talk to their shareholders or give an interview, Sarandos sounds like he's not living in the same reality as the rest of the world with these comments. 

Ted, did people get dressed up with their friends or spouse to watch Damsel? Did the servers crash when the Rebel Moon movies dropped because the demand was so high? Are millions of people around the globe currently in the midst of planning A Family Affair/Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F double feature for early July? Of course not, and if Sarandos were capable of being honest with himself for even a half a second, he would admit that.

The movie side of Netflix exists for two reasons: to make shit that's designed to be background noise while the viewer scrolls through their phone or engages in some kind of household chore and to chase Oscars come Awards Season. When it comes to the former category, the actual quality of the products they're releasing isn't top of mind and pretty frequently, the complete lack of care put into their films is glaringly apparent. Atlas is as good of an example as you'll find as to the kind of movies that Netflix is primarily interested in making. 

In short, they hired a faceless journeyman Hollywood director in Brad Peyton (San Andreas, Rampage) to make a sci-fi action blockbuster that features a few stars with name recognition (Jennifer Lopez, Simu Liu, Sterling K. Brown) and bears a resemblance to a wide range of past cinematic winners from The Terminator to Pacific Rim to I, Robot. Or to put in a way that would make the Netflix boardroom erupt into an enthusiastic nodding fit, they're making content to feed their service's guiding light: the almighty algorithm. The end results of this idea conceived by bean counters who let meaningless data drive the decision-making for their artistic enterprise is wait for, a soulless shitfest of a movie that would probably have a similar approval rating as the top 3 candidates in this year's United States presidential election if Netflix polled the people who actually sat through it until the end.   

It manages to be both completely artless and devoid of entertainment value as it plods through perhaps the most lifeless human vs. robot war plot ever depicted on screen. Lopez's turn as the titular data analyst turned solider who spends most of the film stuck in a mech suit talking to the computer system (voiced by Gregory James Cohan) after the bad robot villain (Liu) ambushes the soldiers that came to find him on a distant planet after he disappeared without a trace 28 years prior is shockingly shaky for someone whose been acting for as long as she has. And to top it all off, it ends up embracing a garbage pro-AI message that only bozos in the tech industry and bozo entertainment would applaud. What make the failure of Atlas even sadder is that the internet won't even bother to take the time to give it the roast/meme treatment that the already notorious misfire Madame Web received earlier this year because the number of engaged eyeballs that laid eyes upon it pale in comparison to those that watched Sony's failed Spider-Man spinoff-which ironically is also currently among Netflix's Top 10 most watched movies (chalk up another victory for the Tudum gang!).  

Atlas being among the cornerstone entries of Netflix's Summer 2024 slate says all you need to know about who they are as a company. As much as they try to look and feel like a true major studio, their cheap imitation status can't be masked. For a company that is eager for theaters to die, the quality of the bulk of their "biggest" movies is among the strongest arguments to make for the importance of preserving the theatrical experience along with the studios that are committed to making movies for those venues. Maybe the recent hiring of veteran producer Dan Lin to head up their film division will lead them to becoming something than Hollywood's answer to the Great Value! brand, but as long as Sarandos remains in charge of their operation, it's impossible to be optimistic that they'll pivot from their dedication to making movies like Atlas that nobody who isn't on the company payroll actually gives a shit about.                                      

Grade: D