Cycling through an array of genres (buddy, fantasy, action, comedy, family drama) in service of a story that ultimately boils down to being about a dirtbag computer hacker/degenerate gambler/deadbeat father (Chris Evans) learning to become a decent person after being recruited by the head of a mythical creatures intelligence agency (Lucy Liu) to aid Santa's top bodyguard (Dwayne Johnson) in finding out who kidnapped Ol' Saint Nick (J.K. Simmons) approximately 24 hours before his worldwide present-delivering venture on Christmas Eve, Amazon's big Christmas blockbuster Red One presents itself as a big cornucopia of multi-faceted fun. But when you crack open that big mythical horn, the feast of abundance isn't as bountiful or delightful as promised.
All of the efforts from Johnson, his production team at Seven Bucks and hand-picked writer/director duo of Chris Morgan (Fast and Furious franchise from Tokyo Drift through Hobbs & Shaw, Shazam!: Fury of the Gods) and Jake Kasdan (both new Jumanji films, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story) to make something that checks multiple audience-friendly boxes ironically results in it missing the page entirely. What is the point of crafting a genre stew when you don't have the heart or the courage to commit to any of the ingredients individually, let alone as a cohesive whole? Without any meaningful efforts to make this wacky recipe work, all your left with is a milquetoast hodgepodge of half-baked ideas, unfilled potential and holiday cheer that has all the warmth and sincerity of a fucking Hallmark card.
Even if it remained noncommittal to a genre and just injected a dash of Christmas with the Kranks or Jingle All the Way-esque cynical holiday depravity into the proceedings, it would've developed some much-needed personality that would've made it at least a little bit memorable. Something that at least claims to have aspirations of being an original Christmas-themed film that entertains a wide audience shouldn't be a such a big ball of nothing. Nobody is expecting something like Red One to be a bold film that challenges the conventions of mainstream filmmaking in the 2020's, but the pervasive plainness it shows with its open fear of embracing the genre-mixing that its concept invites is just plain lazy filmmaking. Will the majority of the kids that see it this holiday season enjoy it? Most likely, yes. Will most of those same kids want to watch it again next holiday season? Probably not. Dwayne and co. would probably be satisfied enough with those results if they were to materialize but making a movie that people struggle to remember by the time next November rolls around does nothing to break the memorability rut this beloved subgenre has been in since the mid 2000's.
Grade: C
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