Oscar Predictions

Best Picture:

Nominees:

Anora

The Brutalist

A Complete Unknown

Conclave

Dune: Part Two

Emilia Perez

I'm Still Here

Nickel Boys

The Substance

Wicked

Predicted Winner: Anora

This is a two-horse race between Anora and Conclave that got a lot more interesting after Conclave won Best Ensemble Cast and Anora got shut out entirely at the SAG Awards last weekend-making it only the 3rd film ever to go home empty at the SAG's after winning the top prize at the PGA, WGA and DGA Awards (the other two are Brokeback Mountain, which lost Best Picture to Crash and The Hurt Locker, which went onto win Best Picture). While Conclave has the benefit of being a more accessible film and having a slew of beloved veteran actors heading up its cast (Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow, Isabella Rossellini, Sergio Castellitto, Lucian Msamati), I'm still giving the edge to Anora here. Victories at Critic's Choice/DGA/PGA/WGA/Indie Spirit are a powerful combination when paired with its Palm d'or from last spring and the volume of passionate fans it has in the industry puts it in a good spot to perform well on the preferential ballot the Academy uses for its Best Picture voting. 

Best Director:

Jacques Audiard, Emilia Perez

Sean Baker, Anora

Brady Corbet, The Brutalist

Coralie Fargeat, The Substance

James Mangold, A Complete Unknown

Predicted Winner: Sean Baker

Despite still facing the legit threat of being upset by Brady Corbet, this feels like Baker's award to lose. Baker has been grinding on the indie film scene for almost 25 years at this point and his tremendous work on Anora feels like the perfect opportunity to honor one of the most quietly impactful American filmmakers of the 21st century.  

Best Actor:

Adrien Brody, The Brutalist

Timothee Chalamet, A Complete Unknown

Colman Domingo, Sing Sing

Ralph Fiennes, Conclave

Sebastian Stan, The Apprentice

Predicted Winner: Adrien Brody

Timothee Chalamet's shocking SAG victory threw a last second curveball into a race that was believed to have been firmly locked up by Brody. Ultimately, I don't think Brody is in any real danger of not winning an Oscar for a performance that has been widely hailed to be as good, if not better than the one that won him his first one 23 years ago, but this late-stage threat from one of the industry's brightest young stars has considerably elevated the excitement factor surrounding this award.     

Best Actress:

Cynthia Erivo, Wicked

Karla Sofia Gascon, Emilia Perez

Mikey Madison, Anora

Demi Moore, The Substance

Fernanda Torres, I'm Still Here

Predicted Winner: Demi Moore

Once again, the most tightly contested award of the night is Best Actress. Demi Moore looked like the runaway favorite after picking up Golden Globes and Critics Choice wins then she lost her favorite status to Mikey Madison after the Anora star took home both the BAFTA and Indie Spirit before she seized the momentum back with a SAG win. Fernanda Torres is also lurking as a potential dark horse contender after winning the Golden Globe last month and gradually picking up more support from the Academy voting body as I'm Still Here has released in more countries over the past several weeks. At the end of the day, I think Moore's status as an industry veteran who turned in the most celebrated performance of her career in her early 60's after being essentially written off as a serious actor for the past 20+ years puts in her pole position to take home the gold statue.     

Best Supporting Actor:

Yura Borisov, Anora

Kieran Culkin, A Real Pain

Edward Norton, A Complete Unknown

Guy Pearce, The Brutalist

Jeremy Strong, The Apprentice

Predicted Winner: Kieran Culkin

This is where the suspense surrounding the biggest awards of the night comes to a swift end. Culkin-who is the heart and soul of Jesse Eisenberg's excellent dramedy A Real Pain-has won every single race he's been in this season and there's just no way that he won't be adding an Oscar to his overflowing trophy case at this stage of the game. 

Best Supporting Actress:

Monica Barbaro, A Complete Unknown

Ariana Grande, Wicked

Felicity Jones, The Brutalist 

Isabella Rossellini, Conclave

Zoe Saldana, Emilia Perez

Predicted Winner: Zoe Saldana 

The sudden fall from grace that Emilia Perez has taken over the past month after star Karla Sofia Gascon's large collection of racist tweets came to light has managed to spare Saldana thus far and it would be shocking if that reckoning finally came on Oscar night. Like Culkin, she's won every award she's been up for this awards season and her long-standing positive reputation in the industry paired with the consensus opinion that she's the best part of Emilia Perez even from its many detractors has helped her remain afloat while her peers from Jaques Audiard's misguided Netflix musical have sunk.  

Other Awards:

Best Original Screenplay: Anora

Best Adapted Screenplay: Conclave

Best Animated Feature: The Wild Robot

Best Documentary Feature: Porcelain War 

Best International Feature: I'm Still Here

Best Cinematography: The Brutalist

Best Film Editing: Conclave

Best Original Score: The Brutalist

Best Original Song: "El Mal", Emilia Perez

Best Costume Design: Wicked

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: The Substance

Best Production Design: Wicked

Best Sound: Dune: Part Two

Best Visual Effects: Dune: Part Two

Best Animated Short Film: Wander to Wonder

Best Documentary Short Film: I Am Ready, Warden 

Best Live Action Short Film: The Man Who Could Not Remain Silent

What My Ballot Would Look Like If I Were an Academy Voter: 

Best Picture: Anora

Best Director: Sean Baker

Best Actor: Timothee Chalamet 

Best Actress: Mikey Madison

Best Supporting Actor: Kieran Culkin

Best Supporting Actress: Ariana Grande

Best Original Screenplay: Anora

Best Adapted Screenplay: A Complete Unknown

Best Animated Feature: The Wild Robot

Best Documentary Feature: Sugarcane

Best International Feature: Abstain 

Best Cinematography: Nosferatu 

Best Film Editing: Anora

Best Score: The Wild Robot

Best Original Song: "Like a Bird", Sing Sing

Best Costume Design: Wicked

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: The Substance

Best Production Design: Wicked

Best Sound: Dune: Part Two

Best Visual Effects: Dune: Part Two

Best Animated Short Film: Abstain

Best Documentary Short Film: Abstain

Best Live Action Short Film: Abstain 

2024 Best Picture Nominees Ranked

Welcome to this special edition of "Ranked", where I ranked this year's Best Picture nominees from worst to best. 

N/A: I'm Still Here:

Regrettably, I haven't able to catch this one yet and at this late stage of its theatrical run, will probably be reduced to waiting until it arrives on Netflix in the spring. Despite this, I'll be rooting like hell for it to take out Emilia Perez in the Best International Feature race.   

9.Emilia Perez:

For the second straight year, Netflix picks up the honor of having the Best Picture nominee that is the worst of the bunch by a considerable margin. Emilia Perez isn't just completely insensitive to the plight of trans people and anyone in Mexico that has endured the pain of someone they know disappearing at the hands of the cartels, it's a garbage musical with a comically unfocused plot, bizarre tonal shifts and songs that are so bereft of excitement or life that it would be easy to question whether or not the songwriters even wanted to be a part of such an abhorrent project. Shoutout to the Brazilian social media sleuths who unearthed the dozens of cartoonishly racist tweets that star Karla Sofia Gascon has posted over the years that immediately halted its surging Best Picture campaign after Gascon insulted I'm Still Here star Fernanda Torres in an interview. You'll forever be heroes in my book.      

Grade: D

8.The Brutalist:

Brady Corbert's historical epic about a Hungarian architect (Adrien Brody) who immigrates to America after the end of World War II accomplishes a few things that I didn't think were possible in film. 1.Making a 3+ hour film that feels rushed and underdeveloped by absolutely speed running through the second half of the film after taking great care in setting everything up in the first half. 2.An American writer/director who was born in the late 80's finding a way to insert himself via a prominent subtext about the importance of artists being granted full creative control on their projects into a story about a fucking Holocaust survivor struggling to assimilate to a new country after being forced from his home by Hitler. 3.An alleged throwback to Hollywood's glory days of making movies for adults by adults that treats its audiences like they're fucking 8 years old by delivering its messages about the facade that is the American dream, America's failure to live up to its promise of being an accepting land of opportunity for anyone that sets foots on its shores and the power that the rich have over the poor in an insultingly obvious manner. At least the performances and production design are good!               

Grade: C

7.Nickel Boys:

Look, I can't pretend for even a fraction of a second that I fully understood the purpose behind all of the creative choices RaMell Ross makes in Nickel Boys. With that being said, the film's daringly experimental storytelling/visual approach along with the gut-wrenching true story about two black teens' (Ethan Herisse, Brandon Wilson) experiences at a Florida reform school during the final years of Jim Crow-era America that all of these avant-garde filmmaking techniques were applied to are too powerful for me to not respect.   

Grade: B

6.Wicked:

Outside of a rough first act that had me questioning why the fuck I had trekked out to the theater to see it; I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Wicked. Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande are outstanding as the two unlikely friends turned reluctant enemies who go onto become the most two powerful witches in Oz, Jon M. Chu does a nice job of handling the film's massive scope without losing sight of the intimate emotional moments that drive the story and the excellent final act that culminates with Erivo's show-stopping performance of "Defying Gravity" sets up the sequel perfectly.    

Grade: B

5.Conclave:

Hiding a trashy airport paperback thriller about a group of catty, chain-smoking divas backstabbing each other for 2 hours inside of what appears to be a prestige drama centered around the election of a new Pope is one of the funniest Trojan Horses I've ever encountered in my life. The reactions that the anti-woke crowd have had to the ending has only made it even funnier. I still like the idea of the movie more than I like the movie itself, but maybe that will change with a rewatch.  

Grade: B

4.Dune: Part Two:

Nearly a year after its release, I'm still a tad underwhelmed by Dune Part: Two. As stunning as Denis Villeneuve's sci-fi epic manages to be during its spectacle-driven action beats, the sheer size of its universe and the wall that vastness puts around its many characters prevent the big emotional moments from landing with the universe-altering significance that they're intended to.     

Grade: B

3.A Complete Unknown:

While calling it subversive would be a stretch, outstanding performances from Timothee Chalamet, Monica Barbaro, Edward Norton and Elle Fanning, electrifying musical sequences and James Mangold's clear reverence for the musicians at the center of its story allow A Complete Unknown to eviscerate the staleness that often plagues music biopics.   

Grade: B+

2.The Substance:

Seeing The Substance vying for Best Picture is such an awesome surprise. Coralie Fargeat's sophomore feature is about as disgusting and uncommercial as a horror movie can possibly be and yet, it's blunt commentary on female beauty standards and career-defining performance from Demi Moore as an actress-turned-television fitness instructor who turns to the titular drug that uses the host's DNA to spawn a younger version of themselves (the similarly great Margaret Qualley) after being fired from her show on her 50th birthday for being "too old" has allowed it to resonate with viewers that would typically want nothing to do with a hard-R satirical body horror movie. Hopefully the embrace of The Substance will lead to more elite horror movies being recognized at the Oscars.        

Grade: A-

1.Anora:

Regardless of whether or not it takes home the Best Picture statue on Sunday night, Anora will be the winner in my heart. Indie stalwart Sean Baker has been building his entire career towards making a raw, painfully human movie that so deftly threads the needle between comedy, chaos and tragedy while Mikey Madison gives the kind of towering powerhouse performance as Brooklyn stripper Anora "Ani" Mikheeva that transforms actors into legends.           

Grade: A

Movie Review: The Monkey

At first glance, horror comedy and Osgood Perkins don't feel like a natural fit. Sure, Perkins' filmography has been fairly dynamic in terms of genre, but all of his films have operated in different registers of suffocating darkness. His latest film The Monkey provides him with a terrific opportunity to make something lighter in tone without abandoning his love of all things macabre. 

This is going to sound like a weird thing to say about a movie that centers around an indestructible toy monkey that causes horrifying accidental deaths to happen whenever somebody turns the key in its back, but The Monkey is a movie that Perkins is uniquely qualified to make. During his 51 years of life, Perkins has experienced a lot of death. Most notably, his parents Anthony Perkins and Berry Berenson died of AIDS and in one of the planes that hit the World Trade Center on 9/11 respectively. The pain of losing people at such a young age provides someone with a unique perspective on mortality and the wide array of manners in which life can come to an end. Since he's a horror filmmaker, he found a different kind of outlet to explore his grief: A sadistic splatter comedy that revels in the absurdity of this horrific universal experience.  

As the twin brothers Hal and Bill Shelburn (Theo James as an adult, Christian Convery as a teenager) that serve as the film's protagonists explain via voiceover narration at several points of the film, death is a completely random act that doesn't discriminate or show mercy. Some people die young, others die old. Some people die peacefully, others die horrifically. Some people die slowly over the course of many years, others go in an instant. This cruel, unavoidable fact of life is something that Perkins clearly knows all too well. He also knows that death and everything that encompasses it provides an exciting avenue in which comedy can thrive, which is the very reason that The Monkey manages to be great. 

Perkins has a dry, absurdist sense of humor that fills The Monkey with a twisted glee. He understands that it's such a rare thing to see death viewed through a prism of sadistic silliness and takes great pleasure in going completely wild with the opportunity that he's been provided. There were several scenes-particularly during a funeral scene, a death scene that takes place in a motel pool and Elijah Wood's cameo as the arrogant stepdad to Hal's son (Colin O'Brien)-where I was pretty much doubled over from laughing from the insanely fucked up, hilarious shit he put on screen. Not everybody is going to be able to get on aboard with something that is simultaneously extremely silly, weird and gory-especially if they were expecting something that flirted with straight horror-, but I deeply admired and enjoyed the twisted farce that Perkins was able to put together. 

Given how assured, demented and playful The Monkey is, I really hope that Perkins decides to return to horror comedies at some point in the future. This is the finest display of Perkins' skill as a filmmaker to date and it's almost kind of a shame that he's heading back to his grim register with his next feature Keeper-which is set to release in October. Alas, I had a ton of fun with The Monkey and I'm sure there are quite a few sick fucks out there who will too.      

                

Grade: B+

Movie Review: Captain America: Brave New World

To put it mildly, the MCU's Multiverse saga isn't going how Kevin Feige and co. hoped it would. A combination of nobody seeming to know where this shit is going from a worldbuilding standpoint, brand oversaturation primarily fueled by the introduction of the Disney+ shows beginning in 2021 and roughly half of their post-Endgame projects picking up mixed-to-below-average WOM has created a level of audience indifference that would've been difficult to conceive while they were riding high during the bulk of the 2010's.

About the only thing that has delivered great financial results for them of late is heading back to the nostalgia well whenever possible. The sweet, unapologetic embrace of all things from the past powered their star duo of Spider-Man: No Way Home and Deadpool & Wolverine to a staggering worldwide gross of $3.25 billion combined (for reference purposes, the other 9 MCU titles released during the 2020's prior to this year have made a combined total of $5.28 billion). Of course, this money trail has seemingly now offered the panic-stricken powers that be at Disney a road map forward: Fan service and aping beloved titles from their catalog. In the case of the latest MCU title Captain America: Brave New World, it was more of the latter as the film wants to recapture the political/espionage thriller vibes of 2014's Captain America: The Winter Solider for the big screen debut of Anthony Mackie's Cap. While calling Brave New World a success would be giving it more credit than it deserves, it didn't turn out too bad for a familiar recipe that had to be Frankenstein-ed 62 times after the team of chefs tasked with putting it together kept dropping it on the floor after they pulled it out of the oven.

For those who don't know what the stupid quip above is referring to, Brave New World went through quite the tumultuous production process. Principal photography lasted from March 21 to June 30,2023, which overlapped with the Writer's Strike and made Marvel's usual practice of daily script changes impossible for the final 2+ months of the shoot. Naturally, Disney wasn't pleased with the results from the initial shoot and ordered significant reshoots that reworked multiple action sequences and added and scrapped multiple characters/plot threads-which subsequently shifted its release date from July 2024 to the current February 2025 slot. What transpired here may've even been the catalyst for a huge philosophy shift for Marvel as they pushed back the production starts of Thunderbolts*, The Fantastic Four: First Steps and Blade-which remains in flux-in order to tighten up the scripts before production started. 

The evidence that Brave New World was being extensively reworked on the fly is all over the screen. Some of the VFX look completely unfinished, there's about 19 characters fighting for screen time in a movie that runs just under 2 hours and above all, the story feels like a completely random grab bag of narrative threads (Avengers teases! Multiple returning characters from the Edward Norton Hulk movie that barely anyone has thought of since 2008! Further examinations of the imposter syndrome that Sam Wilson feels about taking on the Captain America mantle after Steve Rogers that was pretty extensively explored in The Falcon and the Winter Solider!) that got thrown together at the last minute. As underdeveloped and overstuffed as it is, the movie remains relatively watchable throughout. There's an earnest effort from most of the primary cast (Mackie, Danny Ramirez, Harrison Ford, Tim Blake Nelson, Carl Lundly) to sell this as a hugely important film for the future of the MCU, the action sequences outside of a couple bizarrely-edited hand-to-hand fights in the early going are solid enough and despite the desperation of its posturing to be Winter Solider 2.0, it manages to never be boring. 

Now, praising Brave New World for being slightly above average is absolutely a ridiculous moral victory that doesn't make me feel better about the future of the MCU in the slightest. However, the blueprint for a full-blown Quantumania-esque disaster is sitting in the haphazardly assembled DNA of this film and it being able to avoid falling into a gaping hot spring of shit by simply showing some base level competency in several key areas is a pleasant surprise. Maybe next time around Mackie can get the proper Captain America showcase he deserves, but for now, everybody involved with this chaotic venture should just be happy that they found a way to clear the comically low bar that was set for it.                 

Grade: C+

2024-25 NBA Midseason Awards

Top Player: Nikola Jokic (Nuggets)

Since Jokic has now won 3 out of the last 4 MVP's, we're once again in the position we were 2 years ago where a lot of people are lobbying for somebody else to win (the popular pick this time around is Shai Gilgeous-Alexander) just for the sake of mixing things up. This isn't to say that Gilgeous-Alexander would be underserving MVP, he's averaging 30+ points per game on over 50% shooting from the field for a 3rd straight season and remains the undisputed leader of a Thunder team that has taken another huge step forward in 2024-25. In fact, he would be the clear MVP if Jokic wasn't in the midst of yet another career-best season. The Nuggets star is on pace to average a triple double (current averages are 29.8 points/12.6 rebounds/10.2 assists per game) for the first time in his career, currently boasts a 3PT% of 45.0 while shooting just over 1.5 attempts (4.5) more per game than he did a year ago (2.9, which is ironically also his career average) and has even upped steal total to nearly 2 per game (1.8). That's absolute freak shit right there and he completely deserves to continue to be awarded for it until either the day that somebody exceeds his stat sheet-stuffing magic, or the Nuggets are no longer an annual contender comes along.     

Honorable Mentions: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander (Thunder), Jayson Tatum (Celtics), Jalen Brunson (Knicks)

Top Defensive Player: Victor Wembanyama (Spurs)

Speaking of freak shit, it only took Wembanyama 1.5 seasons to become the most prolific shot blocker in the NBA right now. The chaos that his combination of athleticism and size is causing at the rim is unlike anything I've ever in the league before and it wouldn't shock me at all if he can get his blocks per game total up to 4+ over the final couple months of the season.

Honorable Mentions: Evan Mobley (Cavaliers), Lugentz Dort (Thunder), Ivica Zubac (Clippers)  

Top Most Improved: Norman Powell (Clippers)

Look, I understand why Cade Cunningham is the favorite for the real Most Improved Player Award right now. He's currently averaging career highs in nearly every stat category, just made his 1st All-Star team and most importantly, finally has the Pistons trending upwards after a prolonged stretch in the league's basement. I just think it's asinine to give the Most Improved Player award to a guy who got picked 1st overall not too long ago and was widely expected to be a franchise-altering player by the time he reached his 4th or 5th year in the league (he's in year #4 right now). Powell, on the other hand, is a journeyman vet who has taken advantage of the increasing playing time he's been afforded this season following the departure of Paul George in free agency to become the glue that's held this Clippers team together as they've navigated a rash of injuries and the continued growing pains of trying to find an identity while franchise cornerstone Kawhi Leonard bounces in and (mostly) out of the lineup.     

Honorable Mentions: Jalen Williams (Thunder), Amen Thompson (Rockets), Trey Murphy III (Pelicans)  

Top Rookie: Stephon Castle (Spurs)

Castle has wasted no time establishing himself as the perfect San Antonio Spur. It doesn't matter if he's starting or coming off the bench or what role the team needs him to play on any given night, he'll be completely locked in for every single second he's on the court. In a rookie class that's lacking star power in the traditional sense, that unselfishness and ability to impact the game in a variety of ways has made him stand out from the rest of his peers.  

Honorable Mentions: Ke'lel Ware (Heat), Jaylen Wells (Grizzlies), Zaccharie Risacher (Hawks)

Top Sixth Man: Payton Pritchard (Celtics)

Pritchard has been a stabilizing force as the Celtics have fallen into several extended stretches of erratic play coming off their dominant title run a year ago. He's hustling for boards, has active hands on defense and is consistently drilling clutch shots-particularly from 3-when they need a bucket most. These are the types of things you want a Sixth Man to do for your team and as a Celtics fan, it's been awesome to see Pritchard get the opportunity to fill and excel in this role after being kept out of the rotation for much of the 2021-22 and 2022-23 seasons.

Honorable Mentions: De'Andre Hunter (Hawks/Cavaliers), Naz Reid (Timberwolves), Malik Beasley (Pistons)  

Top Coach: Kenny Atkinson (Cavaliers)

Prior to acquiring De'Andre Hunter from the Hawks at the trade deadline earlier this month, the Cavaliers effectively ran it back with the roster of the 2023-24 team that went 48-34 in the regular season and 5-7 in the playoffs after the Celtics steamrolled them in 5 games during the Conference Semifinals. Nobody who didn't know that information already would've never guessed that was the case watching them this year since they look like a completely different team and that's all thanks to their new head coach Kenny Atkinson. They're playing way faster on offense and harder on defense. Evan Mobley's Swiss Army Knife offensive skill set has been fully unleashed as he's now making more regular runs at the rim and taking more outside shots. Darius Garland has returned to peak form after back-to-back disappointing seasons following his breakout season in 2021-22. These are just a few of the reasons of why they've built up a commanding lead in the Eastern Conference through 54 games (44-10!!!) and it's going to take a huge collapse for them to not have home court advantage for the playoffs, which would be huge for the pursuit of their 2nd title in franchise history.      

Honorable Mentions: Ime Udoka (Rockets), Taylor Jenkins (Grizzlies), J.B. Bickerstaff (Pistons) 

Neon Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of indie distributor Neon-whose latest project "The Monkey" releases in theaters on Thursday. 

Neon's Filmography Ranked:

46.Fire of Love (C)

45.Ammonite (C)

44.Colossal (C)

43.Origin (C)

42.Borg vs. McEnroe (C)

41.Cuckoo (C+)

40.Gemini (C+)

39.Assassination Nation (B-)

38.Wild Rose (B-)

37.It Lives Inside (B-)

36.Ferrari (B-)

35.The Royal Hotel (B-)

34.Crimes of the Future (B-)

33.Presence (B-)

32.Triangle of Sadness (B-)

31.Beach Rats (B-)

30.Possessor (B-)

29.Pig (B-)

28.Immaculate (B-)

27.Self Reliance (B)

26.Flee (B)

25.Little Monsters (B)

24.Perfect Days (B)

23.How to Blow Up a Pipeline (B)

22.Bodied (B)

21.Eileen (B)

20.Revenge (B)

19.Longlegs (B)

18.The Worst Person in the World (B)

17.Little Woods (B)

16.Titane (B)

15.Luce (B)

14.Anatomy of a Fall (B)

13.Infinity Pool (B)

12.Big Time Adolescence (B+) 

11.Spencer (B+)

10.Three Identical Strangers (B+)

9.Sanctuary (B+)

8.Babes (B+)

7.Palm Springs (B+)

6.Pleasure (B+)

5.Parasite (A-)

4.The Beach Bum (A-)

3.I, Tonya (A)

2.Ingrid Goes West (A)

1.Anora (A)

Top Dog: Anora (2024)

This year's current Best Picture favorite tells a deeply human story about a Brooklyn stripper's (Mikey Madison) whirlwind fairy tale turned nightmare romance with the son of a Russian oligarch (Mark Eydelshteyn). In shakier hands, this could've been a thoroughly disjointed affair, but the assured ease in which writer/director Sean Baker and his cast spearheaded by the fearless, unstoppable force that is Madison navigate the abrupt drastic tonal shifts that this story takes allows it to be heart-achingly real every step of the way.  

Bottom Feeder: Fire of Love (2022)

There's a lot of potential for a fascinating documentary to be made about married French volcanologists Katia and Maurice Krafft -who died in 1991 while documenting the eruption of Mount Unzen in Japan, Fire of Love just isn't it. Despite the inclusion of some impressive archival footage the Kraffts shot during their decades of studying volcanoes around the world, director Sarah Dosa tells their story in such a dry, plodding manner that it suppresses the power of the very clear love they had for each other and the work that ultimately cost them their lives.   

Most Underrated: Ingrid Goes West (2017)

Fun fact: Ingrid Goes West was the first film Neon ever acquired when they beat out the likes of A24 and Netflix in an auction for its distribution rights in the hours following its Sundance premiere 8 years ago. If you ask me at least, this was the first sign that Neon was going to become a rapidly ascending force in the independent film space. Matt Spicer's satire of the superficiality of influencer culture and how the illusion of perfection they put into the world helps breed toxicity among their followers is a deeply hilarious, clever film full of outstanding performances that has only gotten better with age as social media celebrities have continued to become more prevalent in the zeitgeist over the past 7 years.      

Most Overrated: Triangle of Sadness (2022)

How such a mild, obvious "eat the rich" satire ended up beguiling enough powerful movie industry figures worldwide to take him the Palm d'Or and earn a Best Picture nomination is completely baffling to me. There have been quite a few movies (The Menu, Saltburn, Infinity Pool, Glass Onion, Bodies Bodies Bodies, The Hunt) released this decade alone that are full of funnier, sharper barbs than what Rueben Ostlund constructed here and many of them were able to hit their targets more consistently in a fraction of the time that it took Ostlund (147 minutes) to connect on 50-60% of his dart throws.       

Movie Review: Love Hurts

The thorough torching Love Hurts has received critically since its review embargo lifted a week ago today is something that I'm failing to understand. Disliking it? Sure. It has a cartoonish, chaotic and vaguely romantic vibe that is reminiscent of the type of projects Jackie Chan was making when he first made the leap to English-language cinema (Rumble in the Bronx, Mr. Nice Guy) before Rush Hour took his career to the next level that's going to be too corny for some viewers. But straight abomination status? Color me baffled! 

Outside of Ariana DeBose being painfully miscast as a snarky, badass lawyer for a criminal enterprise turned strip club bartender who sets this "regular guy forced to return to his criminal past" plot into motion and the 83-minute runtime being a smidge too short for a movie with such a crowded revenge narrative, I thought Love Hurts worked. Ke Huy Quan is a charming delight as the aforementioned regular guy with a violent past who's forced to dust off his killing boots when that past-which happens to be his mobster brother (Daniel Wu)- catches up with him. Director Jonathan Eusebio's extensive experience as a stunt performer/coordinator is on full display in the film's playful, exquisitely choreographed fights. There's a host of quirky, scene-stealing supporting characters (Lio Tipton as Quan's miserable co-worker at a real estate agency, Mustafa Shakir as a poetry-writing hitman, Marshawn Lynch and Andre Eriksen as bumbling mob enforcers who are trying to help each other through personal issues in between their failed attempts to subdue Quan) that nicely fit into the film's goofy universe. The slick cinematography and bone-crunching sound design are both very impressive for a relatively low budget ($18 mil) movie. At the end of the day, I had fun watching Love Hurts and I'm pretty sure that was the only intention that the creatives responsible for it had while they were making it.                  
 

Grade: B

Anthony Mackie Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Anthony Mackie-whose latest project "Captain America: Brave New World" releases in theaters tomorrow. 

Anthony Mackie's Filmography Ranked:

38.What's Your Number? (D-)

37.Freedomland (D+)

36.The Man (D+)

35.Avengers: Age of Ultron (D+)

34.Miss Bala (D+)

33.Playing It Cool (C)

32.Hollywood Homicide (C)

31.Night Catches Us (C+)

30.Captain America: The Winter Soldier (C+)

29.Outside the Wire (B-)

28.We Have a Ghost (B-)

27.Our Brand is Crisis (B-)

26.Runner Runner (B-)

25.Half Nelson (B-)

24.Point Blank (B)

23.Eagle Eye (B)

22.The Woman in the Window (B)

21.If You Were the Last (B)

20.Ant-Man (B)

19.Seberg (B)

18.Notorious (B)

17.Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (B)

16.Triple 9 (B)

15.Captain America: Civil War (B)

14.Detroit (B)

13.The Adjustment Bureau (B)

12.Real Steel (B)

11.Man on a Ledge (B)

10.We Are Marshall (B)

9.The Hate U Give (B)

8.Synchronic (B+)

7.The Night Before (B+)

6.Gangster Squad (B+)

5.Million Dollar Baby (B+)

4.Avengers: Endgame (A-)

3.The Hurt Locker (A)

2.Avengers: Infinity War (A)

1.Pain & Gain (A)

Top Dog: Pain & Gain (2013)

Calling Pain & Gain Michael Bay's masterpiece would be insulting as the man has crafted many a masterpiece over the course of his 30+ year career. That being said, Pain & Gain is definitely the best thing he's made that exists outside of his maximalist action sweet spot. This wild fact-based story about a group of Miami bodybuilders (Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie) known as the "Sun Gym Gang" whose plan to kidnap, extort and kill a wealthy man (Tony Shalhoub) that frequents their gym goes horribly awry is an exceptional satire about the unattainability of the American Dream and the awful things people will do to try and achieve it. Wahlberg, Johnson and Mackie all turn in some of the finest performances of their careers as a group of bumbling morons desperate to break free from the shackles of being broke with no prospects for a brighter future, the script from Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely is bleakly hilarious at every turn and Bay uses his chaotic, hyperstylized direction as a way to hammer home just how warped and hollow the definition of success can be when it's achieved by greedy, selfish pricks. In light of the current state of the world, I have a feeling this movie will continue to age quite well.             

Bottom Feeder: What's Your Number? (2011)

Part of the reason that Anna Faris deserves to make a big Hollywood comeback is due to how much the industry failed her during the peak of her fame. While every comic actor is going to lead a dud movie at some point, there isn't too many that are handed something as bad as What's Your Number? There are dads all over the world cranking out a lower rate of groanworthy jokes than what appears in this major studio movie from the early 2010's and the amount of funny people/solid actors (Faris is joined here by Chris Evans, Blythe Danner, Ed Begley Jr., Ari Graynor, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Andy Samberg, Chris Pratt, Mackie, Zachary Quinto, Martin Freeman, Aziz Ansari, Joel McHale and several others in bit parts) that got dragged down by this hacky material is genuinely astounding.     

Most Underrated: Gangster Squad (2013)

Watching this again a few years back was such an awesome surprise. Gangster Squad is just a super fun slice of cartoonishly over-the-top gangster movie cheese with cool action, solid performances from a stacked ensemble (Josh Brolin, Sean Penn and Giovani Ribisi are the standouts) and style to burn that ranks among the finest entries in the underrated filmography of director Ruben Fleischer.  

Most Overrated: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

A lot of people are excited about the prospect of Captain America: Brave New World potentially taking a page out of The Winter Solider's playbook by taking the franchise back to the spy/political thriller realm. I'm not among them. The Winter Solider has long been my pick for the most overrated MCU movie for a variety of reasons. The plot is convoluted to the point where it's often completely incoherent, it was responsible for establishing the bland gray color palette that Marvel has largely refused to stray from ever since and the pacing is pretty sluggish for the majority of the runtime. Even the really well-choreographed fight scenes that are largely responsible for making the movie watchable don't hit quite as hard as they should thanks to the choppy fashion in which they were edited. Give me something like Eternals, Captain Marvel or Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness over this blah movie any day of the week.            

Movie Review: Heart Eyes

When it comes to the wild world of genre mashups, romcom and slasher isn't exactly the most obvious or natural pairing. What could possibly be romantic or funny about a masked serial killer being on the loose? Well, Heart Eyes has arrived to prove that these genres are capable of complementing each other quite well.

The way that Heart Eyes goes about melding these two genres together is pretty straightforward as it places a bloodthirsty maniac in the middle of a classic romcom setup. Following a cold open that depicts the first victims of the latest killing spree from the titular "Heart Eyes Killer"-a masked individual who travels around the United States and murders couples on Valentine's Day, we're introduced to Ally (Olivia Holt) and Jay (Mason Gooding) as they have an awkward meet cute at a Seattle coffee shop. This embarrassing encounter becomes even more mortifying when Ally-who works in advertising-learns that Jay is the freelance marketing guru that her boss (Michaela Watkins) has brought in to help fix her classic literary tragedy-themed jewelry campaign that was widely criticized on social media. Yet another uncomfortable series of events occurs during and immediately following a business dinner between the pair later that evening that leads to them entering the crosshairs of HEK-who mistakes them for a couple and will stop at nothing to kill them before February 15th rolls around and they put away their murder instruments for the year.

What becomes clear from the opening moments of Heart Eyes is that this is a film that's really going to embrace being corny and tongue-in-cheek. Director Josh Ruben (Werewolves Within, Scare Me) assembles the film in a way that regardless of what is happening on the screen, it feels like everybody on screen is constantly winking at the audience to let them know that they know God damn well that they're in on the joke. As shameless and exhausting as its ever-present meta self-awareness can be at times, cheesiness is the only common thread that exists between these two genres and the commitment to the bit is really admirable. Holt and Gooding do a good job of playing out the classic romcom trope of polar opposites who soon realize they're perfect for each other as they frantically run around for an hour or so trying to evade Heart Eyes, the slasher sequences are overflowing with cartoonish energy/gore, and the closing minutes go from repulsive to ridiculous to sweet and back again at warp speed. It's absolutely saccharine bullshit, but its saccharine bullshit coming from a place of pure love and that's something that's always worth celebrating in the cinematic artform.                

Grade: B

2025 NFL Mock Draft (Pre-Combine)

1.Tennessee Titans: Abdul Carter, edge rusher (Penn State)

2.Cleveland Browns: Travis Hunter, wide receiver/cornerback (Colorado)

3.New York Giants: Cam Ward, quarterback (Miami)

4.New England Patriots: Will Campbell, tackle/guard (LSU)

5.Jacksonville Jaguars: Mason Graham, defensive tackle (Michigan)

6.Las Vegas Raiders: Sheduer Sanders, quarterback (Colorado)

7.New York Jets: Tyler Warren, tight end (Penn State)

8.Carolina Panthers: Mike Green, edge rusher (Marshall)

9.New Orleans Saints: Will Johnson, cornerback (Michigan)

10.Chicago Bears: James Pearce Jr., edge rusher (Tennessee) 

11.San Francisco 49ers: Kelvin Banks Jr., tackle (Texas)

12.Dallas Cowboys: Ashton Jeanty, running back (Boise State)

13.Miami Dolphins: Malaki Starks, safety (Georgia)

14.Indianapolis Colts: Tetairoa McMillian, wide receiver (Arizona)

15.Atlanta Falcons: Walter Nolen, defensive tackle (Ole Miss)

16.Arizona Cardinals: Shemar Stewart, edge rusher (Texas A&M)

17.Cincinnati Bengals: Jahdae Barron, cornerback (Texas)

18.Seattle Seahawks: Mykel Williams, edge rusher (Georgia)

19.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Shavon Revel, cornerback (East Carolina)

20.Denver Broncos: Colston Loveland, tight end (Michigan)

21.Pittsburgh Steelers: Luther Burden III, wide receiver (Missouri)

22.Los Angeles Chargers: Nic Scourton, edge rusher (Texas A&M)

23.Green Bay Packers: Armand Membou, tackle (Missouri)

24.Minnesota Vikings: Tyler Booker, guard (Alabama)

25.Houston Texans: Josh Simmons, tackle (Ohio State)

26.Los Angeles Rams: Emeka Egbuka, wide receiver (Ohio State)

27.Baltimore Ravens: Grey Zabel, guard/tackle (North Dakota State) 

28.Detroit Lions: Jack Sawyer, edge rusher (Ohio State)

29.Washington Commanders: Matthew Golden, wide receiver (Texas)

30.Buffalo Bills: Kenneth Grant, tackle (Michigan) 

31.Kansas City Chiefs: Josh Conerly Jr., tackle (Oregon)

32.Philadelphia Eagles: Jalon Walker, inside linebacker/edge rusher (Georgia)

Super Bowl 59 Prediction

Conference Championship Record: 2-0

Overall Playoff Record: 8-4

Kansas City Chiefs over Philadelphia Eagles:

For the 2nd time in 3 years, the Chiefs and Eagles are playing in the Super Bowl. As much as things have changed with both these teams over the past 2 years (including the public enthusiasm in seeing them square off in the Super Bowl), the results have a good chance of ending up being the same as they were last time.

On paper, I actually like the Eagles in this matchup quite a bit. The Chiefs run D has started to unravel in the playoffs (they've allowed 148 YDS over their 2 playoff games, up considerably from the 101.8 they allowed during the regular season) after a strong regular season-which bodes well for Saquon Barkley's chances of putting together a great game, the Eagles passing attack is pointing up after Jalen Hurts settled into a nice groove (20/28, 246 YDS, TD) against the Commanders following a quiet start to the playoffs and Vic Fangio's defense is completely capable of stifling the Chiefs unsexy offense at every level if they are able to maintain the elite form they've shown for most of this season in the biggest game of the year. So why am I picking against the Eagles despite sincerely believing that they are the better team? Simple: I don't have the fucking stomach to pick against the Chiefs.

While they're still a little bit away from matching the prolonged dominance of the Patriots dynasty of the 2000's/2010's, the Chiefs have already become the successor to those Brady/Belichick teams by becoming basically impossible to pick against in the playoffs. It's not that they can't lose, they got run over by the Buccaneers in the Super Bowl 4 years ago and got popped by the Bengals in the AFC Championship Game 3 years ago. It just seems unwise to pick against a team that has proven to be so good at winning, especially in an era where both their coach and quarterback have zero peers on their level. The last two times that I went against them (last year's AFC Championship Game versus the Ravens, the Super Bowl against these very Eagles 2 years ago) ended poorly and despite all my reservations about their multiple vulnerabilities on both sides of the ball and the fact that no team in league history has won 3 straight Super Bowls, I'd rather back the team with the track record of delivering on this stage then naively doubt their ability to do so once again. It's unquestionably a gutless move on my part, but nothing in the world could stop me from making it and I don't give two shits if I end up being wrong.

2024 NFL Awards+All-Pro Team and Pro Football Hall of Fame Class of 2025 Predictions

MVP: Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

The "Lamar Jackson won MVP last year, so somebody else should get it this year" narrative that's popped up recently is insane to me. To cross sports for a second, the NBA writers did that when they voted for Joel Embiid over Nikola Jokic for MVP following the 2022-23 season despite Jokic having a very strong case to win it for a 3rd straight year and people have understandably shit all over them for it ever since. Going against Jackson this year is particularly ridiculous since you're going to have a really hard time finding people that feel he was better in his 2 previous MVP campaigns than he was in 2024.

While having the unstoppable force that is Derrick Henry in the backfield made things a bit easier for him to make plays, the extra attention defenses paid to Henry can't be used as an excuse to write off Jackson's continued improvement as a passer in Todd Monken's system (4,172 YDS, 41 TD's, 66.7 CMP%-the former two of which are new career highs) and as a decisionmaker that allowed him to take just 23 sacks and throw 4 INT's-which is his lowest total since his rookie year in 2018 where he only started 7 games. On top of that, Jackson added 915 YDS and 4 TD's on only 139 rushing attempts-which made him the league leader in YDS per carry for the 4th time in his career. He's still going to invite (and deserve) criticism for not getting the job done in the playoffs, but he's become the dominant all-around QB that so many people around the league doubted he could be and it's awesome to witness.  Honorable Mentions: Joe Burrow (Bengals), Josh Allen (Bills), Jayden Daniels (Commanders)

Offensive Player of the Year: Saquon Barkley (Eagles)

Barkley deciding to leave the wasteland of the Giants organization behind to play for the Eagles is the smartest professional decision he's ever made. Getting the opportunity to play behind a dominant offensive line and being able to stay healthy for a full season for just the 3rd time in his 7 NFL seasons allowed the star back to thrive like he never has before-rushing for a ridiculous 2,005 YDS and 13 TD's on 345 attempts (a whopping 5.8 YDS per carry, which is Madden-type shit for an RB that's getting such high volume). His 33/278/2 receiving line was the cherry on top of this dream season where his contributions were essential in getting the Eagles back to the Super Bowl.    

Honorable Mentions: Derrick Henry (Ravens), Ja'Marr Chase (Bengals), Josh Jacobs (Packers)

Defensive Player of the Year: Zack Baun (Eagles)

Patrick Surtain II is the heavy favorite to take home the real DPOY award tonight and if that comes to be, he's a completely deserving winner. He was the best corner in the NFL this season by a wide margin and was the main reason the Broncos defense was such a pain in the ass to face most weeks. The reason I'm not going with Surtain II here is the Broncos pass defense finished 19th in the league because everybody else in the Broncos secondary besides Surtain and safety Brandon Jones kind of stunk, which made opposing offenses look elsewhere most of the time they threw (Surtain was only targeted 62 times in 16 games). Baun, on the other hand, was a frequent standout on the top defense in the league. DC Vic Fangio asked him to do everything a linebacker could possibly be asked to do over the course of each game (cover tight ends/backs in the passing game, rush the passer, play the run, etc.) and he handled the challenge beautifully-racking up 151 tackles, 3.5 sacks, 11 TFL's, 5 QB hits, 4 passes defensed, 5 forced fumbles, a fumble recovery and an INT.  Major kudos to GM Howie Roseman for recognizing's Baun's talent in free agency this offseason despite his relative lack of starting experience (only 16 games!) over his 4 seasons with the Saints.       

Honorable Mentions: Trey Hendrickson (Bengals), Myles Garrett (Browns), Patrick Surtain II (Broncos)

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Jayden Daniels (Commanders)

No award was easier to pick a recipient of than this one. Daniels demonstrated a poise well beyond his years and an electrifying dynamism as he carried the Commanders from the bottom of the league all the way to the NFC Championship Game. If he can stay healthy, the future is unbelievably bright for this kid. 

Honorable Mentions: Brock Bowers (Raiders), Malik Nabers (Giants), Brian Thomas Jr. (Jaguars)

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Jared Verse (Rams)

The first Rams first round pick since 2016 is looking to be a really good one. While his sack total wasn't eye-popping (4.5), Verse managed to generate pressures (77-which ranked 4th among all edge rushers), hurries (56-2nd) and hits (15-5th) on the QB at an elite clip. He also proved to be an asset against the run, making 35 stops in the backfield over 17 games.    

Honorable Mentions: Quinyon Mitchell (Eagles), Kamari Lassiter (Texans), Cooper DeJean (Eagles)

Coach of the Year: Kevin O'Connell (Vikings)

The complete unraveling that took place during their Week 18 and Wild Card losses to the Lions and Rams respectively have managed to overshadow what was an otherwise masterful season for O'Connell. Not only did he finally unlock Sam Darnold's franchise QB potential after the USC product who was selected 3rd overall in the 2018 draft bounced around the league over the past 6 seasons, he had this team playing sound, smart football that allowed them to pick up wins in a variety of ways and finish the regular season with a 14-3 record that would've earned them prime playoff seeding if they weren't in the same division as the 15-2 Lions. 

Honorable Mentions: Dan Quinn (Commanders), Jim Harbaugh (Chargers), Sean McVay (Rams)

Comeback Player of the Year: Joe Burrow (Bengals)

Watching Burrow repeatedly shake his surgically repaired wrist on the bench to keep it loose between drives during the Bengals embarrassing Week 1 loss to the Patriots made it seem like he was in trouble for the 2024 season. The opposite ended up being true as Burrow probably would've had the best case (4,918 YDS, 43 TD's, 9 INT's, 70.6 CMP%) to challenge Lamar Jackson for MVP if the Bengals had been able to make it to the playoffs, which is an incredible thing for a QB coming off a serious injury to his throwing hand to accomplish.  

Honorable Mentions: Sam Darnold (Vikings), Christian Gonzalez (Patriots), J.K. Dobbins (Chargers) 

All-Pro Teams:

Quarterback:

1st team: Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

2nd team: Joe Burrow (Bengals)

Running Back:

1st team: Saquon Barkley (Eagles), Derrick Henry (Ravens)

2nd team: Josh Jacobs (Packers), Bijan Robinson (Falcons)

Wide Receiver:

1st team: Ja'Marr Chase (Bengals), Justin Jefferson (Vikings)

2nd team: Amon-Ra St. Brown (Lions), Drake London (Falcons)

Tight End:

1st team: George Kittle (49ers)

2nd team: Brock Bowers (Raiders)

Tackle:

1st team: Jordan Mailata (Eagles), Zach Tom (Packers)

2nd team: Rashawn Slater (Chargers), Penei Sewell (Lions)

Guard:

1st team: Chris Lindstrom (Falcons), Kevin Zeitler (Lions)

2nd team: Quenton Nelson (Colts), Quinn Minerz (Broncos)

Center:

1st team: Creed Humphrey (Chiefs)

2nd team: Frank Ragnow (Lions)

Defensive End:

1st team: Myles Garrett (Browns), Trey Hendrickson (Bengals)

2nd team: Nick Bosa (49ers), Leonard Williams (Seahawks)

Defensive Tackle:

1st team: Cameron Heyward (Steelers), Chris Jones (Chiefs)

2nd team: Jeffrey Simmons (Titans), Dexter Lawrence (Giants)

Outside Linebacker:

1st team: T.J. Watt (Steelers), Jonathan Greenard (Vikings)

2nd team: Jared Verse (Rams), Khalil Mack (Chargers)

Inside Linebacker:

1st team: Zack Baun (Eagles), Fred Warner (49ers)

2nd team: Bobby Wagner (Commanders), Jordyn Brooks (Dolphins)

Cornerback:

1st team: Patrick Surtain II (Broncos), Trent McDuffie (Chiefs)

2nd team: Christian Benford (Bills), Marlon Humphrey (Ravens)

Safety:

1st team: Kerby Joseph (Lions), Xavier McKinney (Packers)

2nd team: Kyle Hamilton (Ravens), Brandon Jones (Broncos)

Kicker:

1st team: Chris Boswell (Steelers)

2nd team: Cameron Dicker (Chargers)

Punter:

1st team: Jack Fox (Lions)

2nd team: Logan Cooke (Jaguars)

Return Specialist:

1st team: KaVontae Turpin (Cowboys), Marvin Mims Jr. (Broncos)

2nd team: Austin Ekeler (Commanders), Kalif Raymond (Lions)

Special Teamer:

1st team: Brenden Schooler (Patriots)

2nd team: J.T. Gray (Saints)

Pro Football Hall of Fame Class of 2025 Predictions:

Jared Allen, defensive end (Teams: Kansas City Chiefs, Minnesota Vikings, Chicago Bears, Carolina Panthers)

Willie Anderson, tackle (Teams: Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens)

Antonio Gates, tight end (Team: San Diego/Los Angeles Chargers)

Torry Holt, wide receiver (Teams: St. Louis Rams, Jacksonville Jaguars)

Darren Woodson, safety (Team: Dallas Cowboys)

Who I'd Vote for If I Had a Ballot: 

Jared Allen

Antonio Gates

Torry Holt

Luke Kuechly, inside linebacker (Team: Carolina Panthers) 

Marshal Yanda, guard (Team: Baltimore Ravens)

Movie Review: You're Cordially Invited

You're Cordially Invited-an R-rated comedy from veteran writer/director Nicholas Stoller (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Bros) that debuted on Prime Video last Thursday-has a uniquely depressing quality to it that's akin to watching a failed attempt at building a superteam in professional sports. There's an insane amount of proven talent here from the top of the call sheet (Will Ferrell, Reese Witherspoon) all the way down to the bottom of its deep roster of supporting players (Geraldine Viswanathan, Meredith Hagner, Jimmy Tatro, Celia Weston, Rory Scovel, Jack McBrayer) working with a premise that's a potential situational comedy gold mine (a quaint hotel in Palmetto Island, Georgia accidentally books two weddings for the same weekend-causing squabbling and chaos galore among the wedding parties as they struggle to share the venue's limited space), the finished product is just never able to get off the ground. Most of the gags either fall flat or are repeated to the point where their comedy value wastes away entirely, the final act is a bizarre, completely unexpected tonal mishmash that is neither sweet, romantic or emotional and outside of a brief moment here and there, the entire cast kind of just flails around as they struggle to elevate the aggressively mediocre material Stoller handed to them. It's a rough sight to see a project with so many funny people in it struggle to get laughs-particularly in an era where comedies have become so scarce, but that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.  

The good news for team You're Cordially Invited is that unlike the inevitable downer ending of a pro athlete's career, they'll have an opportunity to prove that time hasn't dulled their gifts. They just need to seek out and/or craft better material before they commit to making another comedy that's as average as this and I have faith in all of their abilities to do so. Now, don't make me look like a buffoon for believing that you're all above being involved in such a blah movie, damn it!           

Grade: C

Movie Review: Companion

If you've been able to avoid the marketing for Warner Brothers' new darkly comedy romantic thriller Companion, try and continue to do so before seeing it. This is a movie that really benefits from going in completely blind. If you have seen previews or commercials for it, don't fret too much. While the final trailer does reveal a key plot development, this revelation comes pretty early on in the movie and there are a ton of surprises that follow it. 

Now that the obligatorily preamble is out of the way, I can say that Companion is a super fun movie. Writer/director Drew Hancock has complete command over his vision as he deftly combines multiple genres and knows exactly when to bring the social commentary that's tethered to this crazy little violent story to the forefront while the small ensemble cast (Sophie Thatcher, Jack Quaid, Lukas Gage, Megan Suri, Harvey Guillen, Rupert Friend) dive headfirst into the constantly shifting tones and character dynamics that the script offers up. There are some contrivances that creep their way into the story, but this movie is too bloody, funny and fast-moving for these key plot-advancing moments to be anything more than minor hiccups. If you have any interest in seeing Companion, please do so before some inconsiderate prick spoils it for you.            

Grade: B+