Arnold Schwarzenegger Ranked

Welcome to the latest edition of my Ranked series, where I rank a franchise or filmography of an actor/director from worst to best and hand out related accolades. This week, I'm profiling the work of action star/former California governor/proud donkey owner Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Filmography Rankings:
23.Batman & Robin (D)
22.Red Heat (C+)
21.Last Action Hero (C+)
20.Terminator Genysis (B-)
19.Maggie (B-)
18.The Expendables 3 (B)
17.True Lies (B)
16.Kindergarten Cop (B)
15.Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (B)
14.The Running Man (B)
13.Escape Plan (B+)
12.Terminator: Dark Fate (B+)
11.Sabotage (B+)
10.Eraser (B+)
9.Commando (B+)
8.Total Recall (B+)
7.The Terminator (A-)
6.The Last Stand (A-)
5.The Expendables (A)
4.The Expendables 2 (A)
3.Jingle All the Way (A)
2.Predator (A)
1.Terminator 2: Judgement Day (A+)

Top Dog: Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
As willing as I am to defend the four polarizing entries that have been released since I've been alive (particularly last year's Dark Fate), they're all guilty of one cardinal sin: they're not Terminator 2. By further developing its iconic characters, upping the ante from an action/visual effects standpoint and adding an iconic villain (Robert Patrick's T-1000) to the mix, T2 helped dispel the myth that sequels couldn't be better than the originals.  

Lowlight: Batman & Robin (1997)
Cartoonish superhero movies can be great (look at Thor: Ragnarok, Birds of Prey and the Deadpool series). Batman & Robin is the kind of debacle that can happen when that formula backfires. Instead of being colorful, funny and self-aware like the aforementioned titles, Batman and Robin's full descent into campy comic book madness plays out like an annoying gimmick that only becomes more tiresome by the minute.

Most Underrated: The Last Stand (2013)
Any movie that features a climax that includes Schwarzenegger manning a mini-gun in the back of a school bus, Johnny Knoxville blowing up a man with a flare gun and an old lady capping a cartel henchman that unexpectedly enters her living room is going to earn high marks from me. This gloriously over-the-top B-action flick, which was the action icon's first starring role since 2003's Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, is exactly the type of exhilarating ass-kicking, joke-cracking thrill ride that cemented his stardom 30 years prior and easily ranks among the most purely fun movies he's ever made.

Most Overrated: True Lies (1994) 
While it definitely delivers in the action department, True Lies is a pretty overstuffed and tonally-inconsistent movie that foreshadowed the creative cliff James Cameron would eventually fall off of. The entire subplot involving Schwarzenegger's character following his wife around (Jamie Lee Curtis) to see if she's having an affair was a completely joyless (not to mention, borderline creepy) exercise that goes on for far too long and completely clashes with the huge, absurd action setpieces that occupy the final hour of the movie.

Top One-Liner: "You're Luggage" Eraser (1996)

(If you just want to see the line, fast forward to 2:40)
One-liners are a huge part of Schwarzenegger's legacy as an actor. You could probably fill a novel with all of the quotes of his that have bled into the general lexicon over the past 35 years. While it might not match "I'll be back" or "It's not a tumor" from a recognizability standpoint, this gem from his last delightfully dumb action blockbuster of the 90's has been a favorite of mine for a bit now. His signature deadpan delivery makes this walk-off line following a huge kill an unforgettably hilarious ending to a truly insane scene.

Greatest Christmas Movie Ever Made: Jingle All the Way (1996)
Whether It's a Wonderful Life, Elf or even Die Hard, a lot of people have a Christmas movie that helps them get in the spirit of the season every year. Since I was a kid, Jingle All the Way has filled that role. Nothing sets the stage for a month of holiday cheer like Schwarzenegger fighting an army of Santa impersonators that try to sell him a knock-off toy, a deranged mailman (Sinbad) threatening police with a (real) letter bomb and an electric finale that includes FUCKING JETPACKS. Can Frosty, Rudolph and The Grinch really compete with that stacked of a dance card? Don't think so.