Charlize Theron Ranked

Welcome to the latest edition of the "Ranked" series, where I rank a franchise or the filmography of an actor/director from worst to best and hand out related accolades. This week, I'm profiling the work of Charlize Theron-whose latest project "The Old Guard" debuts on Netflix this Friday.

Charlize Theron's Filmography Ranked:
19.The Legend of Bagger Vance (D)
18.Kubo and the Two Strings (D)
17.Mighty Joe Young (D+)
16.Snow White and the Huntsman (C-)
15.Mad Max: Fury Road (C-)
14.Tully (C)
13.Young Adult (C)
12.That Thing You Do! (C+)
11.Gringo (B-)
10.The Addams Family (B-)
9.Prometheus (B)
8.Hancock (B)
7.A Million Ways to Die in the West (B+)
6.Bombshell (B+)
5.Monster (B+)
4.Atomic Blonde (B+)
3.The Italian Job (A)
2.Long Shot (A)
1.The Fate of the Furious (A)

Top Dog: The Fate of the Furious (2017)
The Fate of the Furious is another exhilarating shot of pure cinematic adrenaline that provided some much-needed proof that this franchise can continue to thrive without the late Paul Walker. The decision to add Jason Statham's Deckard Shaw to the charismatic smartass-filled dream team of street racers turned international espionage experts, Theron's endearingly over-the-top performance as the villain Cipher and another heaping helping of creative excess-filled action sequences that are brought to life with grace by F. Gary Gray's energetic direction made The Fate of the Furious one of the best entries in this long-running series thus far.  

Lowlight: The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000)
In last week's piece on Will Smith, I went after The Legend of Bagger Vance for its overwhelmingly corny, melodramatic script and how the film miraculously drained all of Smith's signature charisma. By honing in on those criticisms, I didn't get to really touch on its biggest flaw of all: how fucking  boring it is. This magic-free folk tale crawls along at the speed of a wounded snail for just over two hours and by the time it reaches its allegedly touching conclusion, I felt like I had inadvertently stumbled on a potent sleeping medication. Unless I fall into a deep insomniac state and need a quick cure, I'd never even consider watching a second of this again.      

Most Overrated: Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Sorry gang, I just don't think Mad Max: Fury Road is anything special. It's a below average movie that would've been completely useless if Theron wasn't an elite action star who is nothing short of brilliant of playing badass, battle-hardened heroes like Furiosa. It's more or less an extended car chase through an apocalyptic setting that boasts no memorable shootouts or fights, very little excitement and a dogshit group of supporting characters headlined by the laughably weak villain Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne), obnoxious "hero" Nux (Nicholas Hoult) and a comatose titular character (Tom "The Mumbling God" Hardy). Everything about Fury Road is biblically overrated and I'll probably always recoil in disgust when it's brought up in a conversation about the greatest action movies of all time.    

Most Underrated: Long Shot (2019)
Long Shot is a damn near perfect romantic comedy. It's funny as hell, the characters are all super likable and the overall atmosphere is so joyous that it's hard not to feel great after watching it. Any fans of the genre that haven't seen it or anyone that's just looking for a few smiles during this particularly miserable time in human history, I highly recommend checking it out (Note: it's available on HBO/HBO Max through July 31st).  

Greatest Action Hero Moment: Stairwell/Abandoned Building Fight, Atomic Blonde (2017)

This centerpiece sequence from Atomic Blonde is 7 minutes of jaw-dropping brutality where the impact of every punch, kick, stab and gunshot is seen and felt. Lorraine Broughton's (Theron) victory against a fleet of KGB henchmen that are in pursuit of a Russian defector (Eddie Marsan) who possess a critical piece of intel is hard earned and the difficulty of this defense effort combined with its expert staging helps make it one of the most badass fight scenes ever put on film.


Biggest Carry Job for Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody: Tully (2018)
Writer Diablo Cody and director Jason Reitman pulled off a historic late game collapse in Tully by introducing a baffling plot twist that cheapens a lot of what it has to say about dealing with the tremendous pressure that comes with motherhood. Theron's stunning, awards-caliber performance is the only thing that prevents this frustrating cheap storytelling trick from completely destroying the movie. She's a beacon of raw honesty, anger and vulnerability that brings a level of authenticity to a project that quite frankly doesn't deserve it.

Most Egregious Overacting: Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)
On the rare occasion Theron stumbles as an actor, overacting is usually to blame. Her most egregious offense in this department came with her hammy turn as the iconic Queen Ravena in Snow White and the Huntsman. While the attempt to bring the spirit of the character to the big screen was admirable, her relentless, cartoony scenery-chewing was completely out of place in a movie that is otherwise very stoic in tone.