2024 NFL Free Agency Recap: Winners and Losers, Best and Worst Deals and Best Players Still Available

Biggest Winners: Tennessee Titans

There are plenty of valid criticisms of the Titans ultra-aggressive approach to free agency. For starters, investing so much in an offense that is being led by a quarterback in Will Levis who was mediocre at best during his 9 starts as a rookie could prove to be a completely worthless exercise. Then, there's the issue of whether or not it was wise to hand-out big contracts to Calvin Ridley-who turns 30 in December and is coming off an up-and-down year with the Jags and Lloyd Cushenberry III-who was a pretty terrible starting center for the Broncos prior to his strong contract year performance in 2023. While investing so heavily in risky contracts and an unproven quarterback who has the potential to get ousted from the job if he plays poorly this season since he wasn't a 1st round pick carries a whole lot of risk, they deserve credit for having the conviction to aggressively invest in a roster that was full of holes and providing new head coach Brian Callahan with a real shot to compete right away.

As for the rest of their splashier moves, it's easy to get excited about what they did. Adding a pair of proven veteran corners in L'Jarius Sneed and Chidobe Awuzie should go a long way in improving a pass defense that has consistently been among the worst in the league over the past few seasons, Tony Pollard's burst should provide a great complement to the power of Tyjae Spears in their backfield and ex-Chargers Sebastian Joseph-Day and Kenneth Murray are intriguing reclamation project candidates who could turn into solid contributors once they get the Bolt stench off of them.        

Honorable Mentions: Philadelphia Eagles, Chicago Bears, Detroit Lions

Biggest Losers: Washington Commanders

Heading into the offseason, every NFL media outlet, national talking head show and local sports radio broadcast was quick to point out that the Commanders had the most cap space in the NFL. This was a particularly exciting development as it was the first opportunity new owner Josh Harris and his recently-hired GM Adam Peters had to truly establish a new identity for a team after decades of being held back by Dan Snyder's gross ineptitude. In my eyes at least, the new regime failed miserably to make a good first impression. Nearly every signing felt like it was made because of a past history with HC Dan Quinn (Tyler Biadasz, Bobby Wagner, Dorance Armstrong, Dante Fowler) or they were trying to buy low on guys coming off bad years that have previously enjoyed success in the league (Austin Ekeler, Jeremy Chinn, Michael Davis). How does this specific crop of players meaningfully change to the trajectory of one of the most miserably untalented rosters in the league is on the horizon?  How are these guys (with the notable exception of proven, beloved leader Wagner) going to help establish a winning culture for their rookie QB to thrive in (by the way, good job bringing in Marcus "I left the team once I got benched for Desmond Ridder" Mariota as the bridge QB guys)? They're going to have really nail the draft to change the perception that this anything other than maddening business as usual in DC.          

Dishonorable Mentions: Dallas Cowboys, Los Angeles Chargers, Carolina Panthers 

A Class That Would Be Fine If It Were Another Team: New York Jets

To be fair to all parties involved, I understand why the Jets have approached this offseason the way that they have. Joe Douglas and Robert Saleh are hanging onto their jobs by the thinnest of threads and they gave up too many assets last season to be anything but fully committed to trying to win with 40-year old Aaron Rodgers under center. This is a situation where patience cannot be practiced and making splashy, impulsive moves with the aim of helping the team win now have to be executed. 

If this were a lot of other organizations, I would be applauding them for spending their 2024 free agency period signing some talented but oft-injured players to 1-year deals (Tyron Smith, Mike Williams), trading for a reliable starting right tackle in Morgan Moses, adding depth to their defensive line (Javon Kinlaw, Leki Fotu), getting a proven veteran in Tyrod Taylor to backup Rodgers and addressing their interior offensive line with the signing of a young guard in John Simpson who is coming off a breakout season with the Ravens. The problem is that the Jets were the ones who made these moves, so the potential for disaster that exists with all of them have an extremely high chance of manifesting. 

Williams and Smith vs. the MetLife turf is going to be one of the greatest battles we've seen on a football field if they can make it through training camp without getting banged up. Simpson will probably regress to the below average player he was with the Raiders. After about a decade straight of solid play, Moses will suddenly turn into Marshall Newhouse. Hell, Rodgers might have a great conversation with the ghost of Eli Whitney in a bamboo shack in Belize this summer that convinces him to retire and leave Taylor as the starter. Light a candle and pray to Joe Namath Jets fans because this shit could get real ugly, real quick.           

Best Individual Signing: Kendall Fuller to the Dolphins (2 years/$15 mil/$7.5 mil guaranteed) 

Cap restrictions came down hard on the Dolphins this offseason as they were forced to let guys like Christian Wilkins, Andrew Van Ginkel and Robert Hunt walk in free agency and cut several longtime starters including Xavien Howard, Emmanuel Ogbah and Jerome Baker to get their books back in order. Being able to replace Howard with Fuller softens the blow of this tough offseason a little bit. Fuller is a reliable playmaker on the outside who rarely gets exploited in coverage and the prospects of him slotting into a #2 outside CB role where he (presumably) will face lesser WR's could make him even more productive than he has been over the past few years in Washington when he was the top dog.   

Honorable Mentions: Mike Onwenu Re-Signing with the Patriots, Marquise Brown to the Chiefs, Tre'Davious White to the Rams

Worst Individual Signing: Kirk Cousins to the Falcons (4 years/$180 mil/$100 mil guaranteed)

First off, shoutout to Cousins' agent. Getting your client a multi-year deal worth at least $100 mil just over four months after he tore his Achillies at age 35 is one of the greatest hustles in the history of sports. As for the Falcons, offering a deal with that much term and cash attached to it is pure degenerate behavior. Everybody in the league knows this team is a quarterback away from being good and they're obviously desperate to cash in on all of the untapped potential they've displayed since Matt Ryan got booted out of town following the 2021 season, but treating a limited athlete who is about to turn 36 and just ripped up his Achillies as your guaranteed savior is a needlessly reckless move that could backfire in extraordinary fashion.        

Dishonorable Mentions: Gabe Davis to the Jaguars, D'Andre Swift to the Bears, Patrick Queen to the Steelers

Best Player Still Available: Stephon Gilmore, cornerback

While he might not be in Defensive Player of the Year form anymore, Gilmore is coming off another good year with the Cowboys (62 tackles/2 INT's/13 passes defensed/55.8 CMP%) and would be a great addition for any team that's looking to lock down a quality starter at outside corner for the next year or two. 

Honorable Mentions: Julian Blackmon, safety, Justin Simmons, safety, Connor Williams, center 

Movie Review: Road House (2024)

 

Remaking Road House is a uniquely difficult undertaking. The 1989 meathead action cult classic has such a specific flavor of period-era camp coursing through its veins that the vast majority of the attempts to recapture it would come off as either insincere or obnoxiously ironic. It's the kind of fine-tuned, turn-your-brain off movie that can only be made by people who have a deep understanding of the fine art of unapologetic idiocy. After many false starts over many years, a Road House remake finally materialized with Doug Liman behind the camera and Jake Gyllenhaal playing the role of famed drifter/bouncer/lethal ass-kicker Dalton that was made famous by the late Patrick Swayze. So, did they crack the code of Road House or fail spectacularly trying? Quite frankly, neither.

Road House' 24 is often fun on its own terms. Gyllenhaal is a hoot as a soft-spoken, affable guy who is capable of laying down ruthless beatdowns when called upon, Liman's direction is sufficiently energetic, and the plethora of fight scenes have visceral choreography and pretty solid editing. But as a reimaging of Road House, it's only somewhat successful because it doesn't commit hard enough to modernizing the original film's signature aesthetic. The pendulum between perfect homages (the villainous turns by Billy Magnussen as the slimeball crime boss looking to intimidate the owner of the titular bar-played by Jessica Williams-into selling him the property and Conor McGregor as the cocky, swaggering psycho that is hired to kill Dalton once several local goons fail to, its usage of hilarious corny one-liners, the first fight scene with McGregor's character where the band keeps playing while a full-blown brawl breaks out at the bar) and baffling betrayals (the use of CGI to speed up nearly every fight scene, extended periods where the material is either too serious or intentionally comedic, an appalling lack of t***** r***) swings back and forth so frequently it just about swings off its pivot. 

What makes this whole constantly shifting up-and-down quality of the reboot particularly frustrating is that it regularly displays a firm understanding of what made the original so special while simultaneously establishing its own goofy voice. That's the exact kind of energy that this entire movie needed to truly thrive, but for whatever reason, Liman was eager to keep trying other things out. Save that for a more ambitious affair Mr. Liman, this is a fucking Road House remake! You were somehow able to find the right tone for one of the most singular pieces of cinema ever willed into existence then decided to regularly stray away from it just for shits? That's a pretty brutal fumble out of the back of the endzone and while his team was still able to squeak out a win, I won't forget just how damn close they were to turning Road House into a statement victory.                       

Grade: B

Movie Review: Immaculate

During an early scene of Immaculate, American nun Sister Cecilia (Sydney Sweeney)-who has recently transferred to a convent in the Italian countryside after her church in Michigan shut down-confides in a priest (Alvaro Morte) that she's still searching for the reason why God chose to save her after she nearly drowned after falling into a frozen lake as a child. Like its protagonist, Immaculate is unsure of its identity and purpose in the world of cinema. From the jump, director Michael Mohan attempts to make Immaculate something that dips its toes in the waters of mainstream supernatural, arthouse and gonzo camp horror at the same time. Not only does this vast genre stew led to some really bizarre, sudden tonal shifts, Mohan's direction is neither atmospheric nor forceful enough for the jump scares to provide impactful jolts and the script from Andrew Lobel doesn't have nearly enough weight behind it to offer up anything more than a surface-level exploration of its primary themes about the patriarchal structure of the Catholic Church and a woman's bodily autonomy.

What makes Immaculate's scattershot execution of an ambitious genre blueprint somewhat palatable is Sweeney's ferocious lead performance and a final act that goes exceptionally hard. Once the truth about how Cecilia ended up at this specific convent is revealed, Sweeney gets the chance to just go completely feral as the films turns into a full throttle exercise in exploitation. In a really fucked up way, Cecilia ends up finding herself as uniquely dangerous circumstances force her to urgently reckon with all of the fear, doubt and uncertainty she's been wrestling with since nearly died that day on the lake. It's a treat to watch Sweeney tackle the disturbing parade of macabre funhouse shit that happens to her character as the film reaches its biblically horrific conclusion with an incredible blend of intensity and eagerness to play in a wild B-horror sandbox. Her continued dedication to expanding her range as a performer is as strong as any young star working today and now that Season 3 of Euphoria is getting further delayed, Immaculate just might be all the convincing some other producer needs to cast her in another horror role ASAP.                  

Grade: B-

2024 NFL Mock Draft (3/25)

1.Chicago Bears: Caleb Williams, quarterback (USC)

2.Washington Commanders: Jayden Daniels, quarterback (LSU)

3.New England Patriots: Drake Maye, quarterback (North Carolina)

4.Arizona Cardinals: Marvin Harrison Jr., wide receiver (Ohio State)

5.Los Angeles Chargers: Malik Nabers, wide receiver (LSU)

6.New York Giants: Rome Odunze, wide receiver (Washington)

7.Tennessee Titans: Joe Alt, tackle (Notre Dame)

8.Atlanta Falcons: Dallas Turner, edge rusher (Alabama) 

9.Chicago Bears: Jared Verse, edge rusher (Florida State)

10.New York Jets: Tailese Fuaga, tackle/guard (Oregon State)

11.Minnesota Vikings: J.J. McCarthy, quarterback (Michigan) 

12.Denver Broncos: Brock Bowers, tight end (Georgia) 

13.Las Vegas Raiders: JC Latham, tackle (Alabama) 

14.New Orleans Saints: Troy Fautanu, tackle/guard (Washington) 

15.Indianapolis Colts: Cooper DeJean, cornerback (Iowa) 

16.Seattle Seahawks: Byron Murphy II, defensive tackle (Texas) 

17.Jacksonville Jaguars: Olu Fashanu, tackle (Penn State) 

18.Cincinnati Bengals: Johnny Newton, defensive tackle (Illinois)

19.Los Angeles Rams: Laitu Latu, edge rusher (UCLA)  

20.Pittsburgh Steelers: Terrion Arnold, cornerback (Alabama) 

21.Miami Dolphins: Jackson Powers-Johnson, center (Oregon)

22.Philadelphia Eagles: Nate Wiggins, cornerback (Clemson) 

23.Minnesota Vikings: Quinyon Mitchell, cornerback (Toledo) 

24.Dallas Cowboys: Amarius Mims, tackle (Georgia)

25.Green Bay Packers: Tyler Nubin, safety (Minnesota) 

26.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Graham Barton, tackle/guard (Duke) 

27.Arizona Cardinals: Kool-Aid McKinstry, cornerback (Alabama) 

28.Buffalo Bills: Brian Thomas Jr., wide receiver (LSU) 

29.Detroit Lions: T.J. Tampa, cornerback (Iowa State) 

30.Baltimore Ravens: Troy Franklin, wide receiver (Oregon) 

31.San Francisco 49ers: Adonai Mitchell, wide receiver (Texas)  

32.Kansas City Chiefs: Kamari Lassiter, cornerback (Georgia) 

Karen Gillan Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Karen Gillan-whose latest project "Sleeping Dogs" releases in theaters tonight.

Karen Gillan's Filmography Ranked:

17.Oculus (D+)

16.The Bubble (C)

15.Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 (C+)

14.The Party's Just Beginning (B-)

13.In a Valley of Violence (B)

12.Stuber (B)

11.Spies in Disguise (B)

10.Thor: Love and Thunder (B)

9.Dual (B)

8.Gunpowder Milkshake (B)

7.The Big Short (B+)

6.Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (B+)

5.Avengers: Endgame (A-)

4.Jumanji: The Next Level (A-)

3.Guardians of the Galaxy (A)

2.Avengers: Infinity War (A)

1.Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 (A)

Top Dog: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 (2023)

After all of the bullshit James Gunn had to deal with on the road to getting Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 made, he responded to that unique string of adversity by making the perfect finale to the GOTG trilogy. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 is an emotional, heartfelt ride that uses Rocket's previous untold past as the escaped creation of a maniacal scientist whose hellbent on building a perfect society (Chukwudi Iwuji) to explore how this misfit superhero team brought together by fate were able to overcome the trauma they each endured through the strength of the familial bond they formed. There's a lot of wildly entertaining, funny superhero stuff in here too, but the beauty and grace in which Gunn wrapped up the shared and individual narratives for the Guardians is what I'll always cherish most about this wonderful movie.         

Bottom Feeder: Oculus (2014)

The breakout film from indie horror darling-turned-streaming service horror limited series showrunner juggernaut Mike Flanagan is one that never clicked with me. Despite being kind of ahead of its time with its themes of familial grief and mental illness that have been at the center of so many films in the genre released over the past decade, Oculus' wonky pacing and silly supernatural elements prevent its messages from landing with any sort of real potency.     

Most Underrated: Jumanji: The Next Level (2019)

The Next Level is easily one of my favorite blockbusters of the past five years. They did an excellent job of keeping what worked about the original (heart, mining situational humor out of its body-swap gimmick that makes its primary cast playing against type, turning Jumanji into unpredictable open world adventure video game environment) while changing enough about the plot/character dynamics to keep things fresh, the new cast members (Danny DeVito, Danny Glover, Awkwafina) all excel in this wild world and Kevin Hart's Danny Glover impression had me laughing to the point of tears nearly every time he opened his mouth. 

Most Overrated: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 (2017)

This remains kind of unfair as I've yet to get around to the rewatch I've been promising to make since Vol.3 came out last May. With all that being said, my current take of Vol.2 being overrated remains intact for now. As of right now, it remains the only time I've seen Gunn struggle to find a balance with the tone of a movie and deliver dramatic elements that feel more corny than sincere-which makes the film frustratingly uneven despite all its strong elements (humor, action, Kurt Russell's performance as Star-Lord's father Ego).    

Movie Review: Love Lies Bleeding

With her debut Saint Maud-which got handed a muted domestic release from A24 on account of COVID-Rose Glass announced herself as a daring new voice in cinema. Her follow-up Loves Lies Bleeding proves that Saint Maud wasn't a fluke in that department. This 1989-set romantic thriller about a lesbian gym owner (Kristen Stewart-who brilliantly adds an uncomfortable mean streak to her signature jittery, charming disposition) in New Mexico whose romantic relationship with an aspiring professional bodybuilder (Katy O'Brian-in a fiery star-making turn) hits an unexpected speed bump when her new beau gets tangled up with her powerful gun-running crime family (Ed Harris, Dave Franco). Glass pulls zero punches as she explores just how far these characters will go for love, revenge and to assure to their own survival. While the hit rate of the plethora of wild creative swings and amount of time spent operating at the intense peak of its sleazy crime thriller aesthetic could be higher, the fearlessness of Glass' approach and the cast's commitment to delivering upon her twisted vision deserves to be applauded. Glass is a distinctly bold cinematic voice who appears to be destined for greatness and hopefully her backers in both the US and her native UK will grant her the opportunity to deliver upon her heaps of promise behind the camera for years to come.     

Grade: B

2024 NFL Mock Draft (3/18)

1.Chicago Bears: Caleb Williams, quarterback (USC)

2.Washington Commanders: Jayden Daniels, quarterback (LSU)

3.New England Patriots: Drake Maye, quarterback (North Carolina)

4.Arizona Cardinals: Marvin Harrison Jr., wide receiver (Ohio State)

5.Los Angeles Chargers: Malik Nabers, wide receiver (LSU) 

6.New York Giants: Rome Odunze, wide receiver (Washington)

7.Tennessee Titans: Joe Alt, tackle (Notre Dame)

8.Atlanta Falcons: Dallas Turner, edge rusher (Alabama) 

9.Chicago Bears: Jared Verse, edge rusher (Florida State)

10.New York Jets: Tailese Fuaga, tackle/guard (Oregon State) 

11.Minnesota Vikings: J.J. McCarthy, quarterback (Michigan) 

12.Denver Broncos: Brock Bowers, tight end (Georgia) 

13.Las Vegas Raiders: JC Latham, tackle (Alabama) 

14.New Orleans Saints: Troy Fautanu, tackle/guard (Washington) 

15.Indianapolis Colts: Cooper DeJean, cornerback (Iowa)

16.Seattle Seahawks: Byron Murphy II, defensive tackle (Texas) 

17.Jacksonville Jaguars: Olu Fashanu, tackle (Penn State)

18.Cincinnati Bengals: Jer'Zhan Newton, defensive tackle (Illinois) 

19.Los Angeles Rams: Laiatu Latu, edge rusher (UCLA) 

20.Pittsburgh Steelers: Nate Wiggins, cornerback (Clemson)

21.Miami Dolphins: Jackson Powers-Johnson, center (Oregon) 

22.Philadelphia Eagles: Quinyon Mitchell, cornerback (Toledo) 

23.Minnesota Vikings: Terrion Arnold, cornerback (Alabama)

24.Dallas Cowboys: Amarius Mims, tackle (Georgia)

25.Green Bay Packers: Tyler Nubin, safety (Minnesota)

26.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Graham Barton, tackle/guard (Duke)

27.Arizona Cardinals: Kool-Aid McKinstry, cornerback (Alabama)

28.Buffalo Bills: Brian Thomas Jr., wide receiver (LSU) 

29.Detroit Lions: Chris Braswell, edge rusher (Alabama) 

30.Baltimore Ravens: Troy Franklin, wide receiver (Oregon) 

31.San Francisco 49ers: Zach Frasier, center (West Virginia) 

32.Kansas City Chiefs: T.J. Tampa, cornerback (Iowa State) 

Album Review: Job for a Cowboy-Moon Healer

Stepping away from music for a decade was kind of a shocking move for Job for a Cowboy to make. The influential yet polarizing Arizona-bred outfit made a transition to a progressive tech death metal sound with their 2014 record Sun Eater that caught both fans and non-fans alike off-guard and it resulted in the most acclaimed release of their career. While electing to not immediately build off Sun Eater's momentum may've hurt their wallets, it didn't damage their art at all. Their long-awaited comeback release Moon Healer is another triumph that solidifies their standing as a really gifted "serious" extreme metal act that has officially closed the book on their deathcore past.

Moon Healer doesn't follow Sun Eater down the path of inspired musical reinvention, which inherently makes it slightly less exciting to listen to since it's unable to conjure up the euphoric feeling of pleasant surprise. Instead, it's more of a refinement of and expansion on Sun Eater's core sound that marries the ethereal and atmospheric with the visceral and brutal. Given its more methodical pacing and longer forays into audible bass driven spiraling voids of gloom, it effectively serves as the sadder, more misanthropic cousin to its predecessor. 

While fans of JFAC's more straightforward heavy stuff will likely be let down by its diminished presence here, the slower pacing allows the compositions more time to breathe and that really allows the brilliance of the songwriting to be on full display. The vivid textures they're able to create through their dynamic riffage and inventive rhythm section creates this gripping atmosphere that completely transports the listener into its complex world of diminishing sanity, psychedelic drug abuse and moral decay. Whether its creeping dread, explosive rage or a brief moment of solace, the feelings they're trying to express are carefully considered and delivered with urgency and impact throughout. This kind of dedication to creating richly detailed worlds in music that convey a range of emotions isn't all that common in the world of metal and it's even rarer that it's pulled off as beautifully as it is on Moon Healer.

Being able to knock the rust off after roughly 10 straight years of inactivity with such a strong, confident piece of work is pretty remarkable and speaks to the strength of the strong ensemble of like-minded talent vocalist/sole founding member Jonny Davy has assembled (guitarists Tony Sannicandro and Al Glassman, bassist Nick Schendzielos) after being plagued by constant member changes in the years immediately following Doom (they still haven't hired a drummer to replace Jon Rice-who exited in 2013, so Davy tapped his old friend/previous side project collaborator Navene Koperweis to sit behind the kit for the Moon Healer sessions). Whatever Job for a Cowboy does next or however long it takes for it to materialize will continue to be irrelevant as long as they continue to execute everything they do with the level of precision and passion that's found on both of their most recent releases.                               

Grade: B+

Favorite Tracks:

1.The Sun Gave Me Ashes So I Sought Out the Moon

2.The Agony Seeping Storm

3.Grinding Wheels of Ophanim  

Dave Franco Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Dave Franco-whose latest project "Love Lies Bleeding" is in select theaters now and opens nationwide on Thursday night.  

Dave Franco's Filmography Ranked:

(Note: Both of his directorial efforts that he does not act in have been included)

20.The Little Hours (D)

19.Warm Bodies (D)

18.Unfinished Business (C+)

17.The Lego Ninjago Movie (B-) 

16.Fright Night (B-)

15.Somebody That I Used to Know (B)

14.Day Shift (B) 

13.6 Balloons (B)

12.Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (B)

11.6 Underground (B)

10.Nerve (B)

9.The Rental (B+)

8.Neighbors (B+)

7.If Beale Street Could Talk (B+)

6.Now You See Me (B+)

5.Now You See Me 2 (B+)

4.The Lego Movie (B+)

3.The Disaster Artist (A)

2.21 Jump Street (A)

1.22 Jump Street (A)

Top Dog: 22 Jump Street (2014)

It remains wild that Christopher Lord and Phill Miller made one of the funniest movies of the 2010's in 21 Jump Street then came back and topped it with 22 Jump Street just two years later. Applying the same meta-satirical formula they used to poke fun at reboots to the concept of sequels, 22 Jump Street is able to achieve similarly uproarious results by ensuring the writing remains clever and the cast has ample space to creative playful comedic magic.         

Bottom Feeder: The Little Hours (2016)

A comedy about nuns leaving their convent and behaving badly that's populated by tremendous talents including Aubrey Plaza, Alison Brie, Kate Micucci, Franco, John C. Reilly Fred Armisen, Molly Shannon and Nick Offerman should be a home run. In practice, it's very much not. Writer/director Jeff Baena has created something that somehow keeps finding ways to make this fun premise brutally unfunny and boring at every turn despite all of the batshit stuff that happens on screen throughout. It's sincerely one of the more stunning failures that I've ever seen and for that reason alone, I'll never forget it.      

Most Underrated: The Rental (2020)

Franco's directorial debut is an impressively assured piece of horror filmmaking that uses a pair of fractured romantic relationships and inevitable privacy concerns that come with staying at a rental home to create a paranoia-driven atmosphere that gradually ratchets up until it boils over into a deeply uncomfortable, gruesome finale.   

Most Overrated: Warm Bodies (2013)

Warm Bodies has a tremendous premise: a zombie (Nicholas Hoult) falls in love with a human woman (Tersea Palmer) and slowly comes back to life amidst a massive apocalypse where the two species are fighting each other that just happens to be delivered in the most insufferable way possible. The romance is cheesy as hell, the human characters are all pretty obnoxious and the mixing of comedy with the more serious elements is stunningly clunky.    

Movie Review: Ricky Stanicky

Ricky Stanicky-a Prime Video vehicle that for better or worse feels like a modernized riff on the kind of R-rated comedy that would've made $40 million in theaters in 2006 before becoming a cult hit once the unrated DVD came out-is the funniest movie a Farrelly Brother has helmed in about 25 years and it's all thanks to John Cena. Peter Farrelly must've saw how bright Cena shined in his bit parts in Trainwreck and Sisters and handed him a role that was perfect for his particular set of comedic skills in the form of "Rock-Hard" Rod-an alcoholic actor headlining a sleazy revue show in Atlantic City where he sings sex-themed parodies of popular 80's rock songs who gets hired to play the titular character by three lifelong friends (Zac Efron, Andrew Santino, Jermaine Fowler) who invented Stanicky as a way to get out of trouble when they were teenagers and have used him as a get out of jail free card ever since. Cena approaches the part with the perfect mix of unflinching seriousness and go-for-broke silliness as the character is both fiercely committed to nailing the role of Stanicky while also being a true loose cannon with zero social awareness whose crass antics threaten to blow the facade at any moment. It's a finely tuned comedic performance that knows when it to play it straight and when to really lean into the stupidity of a bit, which is probably why the usual string of lowbrow Farrelly gross-out gags that occupy this film has a considerably higher hit rate than any other film they've made post-Me, Myself and Irene. 

Once you move past Cena's performance, Ricky Stanicky doesn't have a ton to offer. The attempt at delivering a heartwarming ending after delivering 90 or so straight minutes of dumb comedy doesn't really land while the other leads outside of Fowler struggle to generate much in the way of meaningful laughs despite having a fairy solid rapport. Normally, these types of deficiencies would make me think less of a movie, but Cena is so good that I had no problem sweeping them under the rug. It's exceptionally rare that a non-dramatic film ends up working due to a single performance and as a long-time believer in Cena's acting ability, it was awesome to see take his biggest comedic role to date and absolutely knock it out of the park.                      

Grade: B 

2024 Oscars Predictions

Best Picture:

Nominees:

American Fiction

Anatomy of a Fall

Barbie

The Holdovers

Killers of the Flower Moon

Maestro 

Oppenheimer 

Past Lives

Poor Things

The Zone of Interest

Predicted Winner: Oppenheimer

For the first time* since Spotlight in 2015, the initial Best Picture favorite is going to take home the gold. Christopher Nolan's biopic has been the talk of Hollywood since it was released in late July and there's not a single prayer that any movie will be able to get in its way at this point. 

*Excluding 2020/21 where Nomadland was the clear favorite among the thin field of films that were released during the height of COVID.    

Best Director:

Nominees:

Jonathan Glazer, The Zone of Interest 

Yorgos Lanthimos, Poor Things

Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer 

Martin Scorsese, Killers of the Flower Moon

Justine Triet, Anatomy of a Fall

Predicted Winner: Christopher Nolan

He's made the most celebrated superhero trilogy of all time, pioneered new blockbuster filmmaking techniques with his extensive use of IMAX cameras and become a director whose name alone inspires people to head out to movie theaters at a time where the general public doesn't tend to give a shit about who's behind the camera. About the only thing missing from Christopher Nolan's incredible resume is an Academy Award and that will change come Sunday night. The British auteur has never made a film quite like Oppenheimer, so there's no better time to cement his legacy by bestowing the highest honor in the film industry upon him.    

Best Actor:

Nominees:

Bradley Cooper, Maestro

Colman Domingo, Rustin

Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers

Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer

Jeffrey Wright, American Fiction

Predicted Winner: Cillian Murphy

For a moment, it looked like Paul Giamatti had a shot at pulling off the tide. That dream died a swift death once Murphy earned the Best Actor prizes at the BAFTA's and SAG Awards. The Irish character actor has been one of the most unsung talents in the business for the past 25 years and his terrific work in a rare leading role in an American film is just the ticket he needed to secure his 1st Oscar win.     

Best Actress:

Nominees:

Annette Bening, Nyad

Lily Gladstone, Killers of the Flower Moon

Sandra Hueller, Anatomy of a Fall,

Carey Mulligan, Maestro

Emma Stone, Poor Things

Predicted Winner: Lily Gladstone

And here it is, the only truly contested major award of the evening. Emma Stone and Lily Gladstone are neck-and-neck heading into Oscar night as they've effectively split all of the major precursor awards and it's truly a coin flip as to who will walk away with the gold statue. Since Stone already has an Oscar to her name and lost the SAG Award (over the previous 5 years, Chadwick Boseman for Ma Rainey's Black Bottom, Viola Davis for Ma Rainey's Black Bottom, Glenn Close for The Wife and Emily Blunt for A Quiet Place are the only non-ensemble SAG winners that didn't go on to take home the Oscar), I'm going to go with Gladstone here. Her performance is the beating heart of Killer of the Flower Moon and in terms of narratives, there isn't a more inspiring one in this award cycle than a Native American woman who nearly quit the industry on account of how little work she was getting going onto shine brightly in a Martin Scorsese movie where the other top-billed actors are Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert De Niro.         

Best Supporting Actor:

Nominees:

Sterling K. Brown, American Fiction

Robert De Niro, Killers of the Flower Moon

Robert Downey Jr., Oppenheimer

Ryan Gosling, Barbie

Mark Ruffalo, Poor Things

Predicted Winner: Robert Downey Jr.

Marvel got Downey Jr. out of actor's jail after his very public struggle with addiction got him effectively blacklisted from Hollywood in the early 2000's and now, his return to "serious cinema" is going to get him the Oscar that narrowly alluded him for Chaplin 32 years ago. Personally, I believe RDJ is this year's answer to Jamie Lee Curtis where the voters are rewarding the person over the performance, but alas, he's a lock to win.     

Best Supporting Actress:

Nominees:

Emily Blunt, Oppenheimer

Danielle Brooks, The Color Purple

America Ferrera, Barbie

Jodie Foster, Nyad

Da'Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers

Predicted Winner: Da'Vine Joy Randolph

Yet another stone-cold lock. Randolph easily gave the most acclaimed performance of this group and she's one of the most charismatic, engaging speakers to step onto an awards show stage in recent years. You just can't say no to the rare great performance/great acceptance speech combo!      

Other Awards:

Best Original Screenplay: Anatomy of a Fall

Best Adapted Screenplay: American Fiction 

Best Animated Feature: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse 

Best Documentary Feature: 20 Days in Mariupol 

Best International Feature: The Zone of Interest 

Best Cinematography: Oppenheimer

Best Film Editing: Oppenheimer 

Best Original Score: Oppenheimer

Best Original Song: "What Was I Made For?", Barbie

Best Costume Design: Poor Things

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Maestro

Best Production Design: Poor Things

Best Sound: Oppenheimer

Best Visual Effects: The Creator 

Best Animated Short Film: War is Over! Inspired by the Music of John and Yoko

Best Documentary Short Film: The ABCs of Book Burning 

Best Live Action Short Film: The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar 

What My Ballot Would Look Like If I Were an Academy Voter:

Best Picture: Poor Things

Best Director: Yorgos Lanthimos

Best Actor: Paul Giamatti 

Best Actress: Emma Stone

Best Supporting Actor: Robert De Niro

Best Supporting Actress: Da'Vine Joy Randolph

Best Original Screenplay: Past Lives

Best Adapted Screenplay: Poor Things

Best Animated Feature: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse 

Best Documentary Feature: Abstain

Best International Feature: Society of the Snow 

Best Cinematography: Poor Things

Best Film Editing: The Holdovers

Best Original Score: Poor Things

Best Original Song: "I'm Just Ken", Barbie

Best Costume Design: Poor Things

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Maestro 

Best Production Design: Barbie

Best Sound: Mission-Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One

Best Visual Effects: The Creator

Best Animated Short Film: Abstain

Best Documentary Short Film: Abstain

Best Live Action Short Film: Abstain

My Picks for the Biggest Snub in Each Category:

Best Picture: All of Us Strangers

Best Director: Andrew Haigh, All of Us Strangers 

Best Actor: Zac Efron, The Iron Claw

Best Actress: Teyana Taylor, A Thousand and One

Best Supporting Actor: Charles Melton, May December 

Best Supporting Actress: Julianne Moore, May December 

Best Original Screenplay: A Thousand and One

Best Adapted Screenplay: All of Us Strangers

Best Animated Feature: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Best Documentary Feature: Abstain

Best International Feature: Abstain

Best Cinematography: Saltburn

Best Film Editing: The Killer

Best Original Score: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem 

Best Original Song: "Dance the Night", Barbie

Best Costume Design: Wonka

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3

Best Production Design: Saltburn 

Best Sound: John Wick: Chapter 4 

Best Visual Effects: Rebel Moon-Part One: A Child of Fire

Best Animated Short Film: Abstain

Best Documentary Short Film: Abstain

Best Live Action Short Film: Abstain   

2024 NFL Free Agency: Top 10 Players Available

The NFL franchise tag period ended on 4 PM EST on Tuesday afternoon and per usual, many of the biggest impending free agents either got tagged (Tee Higgins, Jaylon Johnson, Michael Pittman Jr., Brian Burns, L'Jarius Sneed, edge rusher Josh Allen) or reached a long-term deal (Mike Evans, Dalton Schultz) with the teams they played for in 2023. Now, we get to move onto the really fun part of the new league year when true free agency begins, and players of note start to move to new destinations or secure long-term deals with their current teams. Here are my picks for the top 10 players hitting the open market this year.     

10.Calvin Ridley, wide receiver (2023 team: Jacksonville Jaguars)

As expected, Ridley is the top receiver set to hit the open market and as a result of the thinness of the free agent receiver class, should have a robust market for his services. While his 2023 comeback campaign with the Jaguars featured some prolonged stretches of inconsistent play, Ridley was still able to clear 1,000 YDS on the season and showed plenty of flashes of the high-end vertical playmaking ability that made him a top 10-14 receiver in the league during his time with the Falcons. Getting a full offseason to focus on something other than shaking the rust off and returning to playing shape could do wonders for his quest to return to the top of the league WR hierarchy, which should only further heighten his appeal to any interested team.    

Possible Destinations: Jacksonville Jaguars, New England Patriots, Kansas City Chiefs, Chicago Bears, Carolina Panthers, Tennessee Titans, Indianapolis Colts, New York Giants, New York Jets, Arizona Cardinals, Baltimore Ravens    

9.Jonathan Greenard, edge rusher (2023 team: Houston Texans)

DeMeco Ryans' arrival in Houston couldn't have been timed better for Greenard, who gets to test free agency after putting up a career-high 12.5 sacks during the final year of his rookie deal. A somewhat concerning injury history and awful production in 2022 (1.5 sacks, 4 QB hits, 16 tackles in 8 games) following a strong 2021 attaches a notable risk factor to Greenard's name that doesn't exist with many of the other top available edge rushers, but his age (he turns 27 in May) and strong play in 2 of the past 3 seasons should be enough to quell those concerns and earn him a hefty payday at this premium position.      

Possible Destinations: Houston Texans, Washington Commanders, Atlanta Falcons, New England Patriots, Cleveland Browns, San Francisco 49ers, Jacksonville Jaguars   

8.Kendall Fuller, cornerback (2023 team: Washington Commanders)

Fuller's status as the only proven outside corner that's under the age of 33 in this slot-heavy free agent class is the type of blessing that pro athletes seeking new contracts dream about. He was the lone bright spot on the league's worst pass defense in Washington last season and has been a disciplined, productive ballhawk who rarely gets burned for big plays in nearly all of his first 8 NFL seasons.     

Possible Destinations: Washington Commanders, Buffalo Bills, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Las Vegas Raiders, Atlanta Falcons, Pittsburgh Steelers, Indianapolis Colts, Tennessee Titans, Arizona Cardinals, Los Angeles Rams   

7.Tyron Smith, tackle (2023 team: Dallas Cowboys)

While his time as being one of the elite players at his position is almost certainly over on account of his age (he just turned 33) and shaky durability (3+ missed games in every season since 2016 and only 4 and 2 games played in 2020 and 2022 respectively), Smith's play when healthy remains strong enough for him to be a prime target for any team looking for a cost-effective, short term option at left tackle. 

Possible Destinations: Dallas Cowboys, Kansas City Chiefs, Tennessee Titans, Washington Commanders, New England Patriots, Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, Pittsburgh Steelers, Jacksonville Jaguars, Los Angeles Rams      

6.Kirk Cousins, quarterback (2023 team: Minnesota Vikings) 

Cousins' ability to bounce back from the Achilles tear that ended his 2023 campaign as a nearly 36-year old pure pocket passer is cause for serious concern and should further weaken his already thin market. That being said, he's also the only available veteran quarterback with an extensive track record of high-level play in the NFL and that's reason enough for any team that feels there's a QB away from contending to consider rolling the dice on him.   

Possible Destinations: Minnesota Vikings, Atlanta Falcons, Las Vegas Raiders, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Pittsburgh Steelers 

5.Xavier McKinney, safety (2023 team: New York Giants)

Even with a pair of top talents in Antoine Winfield Jr. and Kyle Dugger getting tagged, there's a comical amount of quality safeties in this free agent class. With his ability to drop back in coverage or hang around in the tackle box and the strong possibility that his best football is still ahead of him as he's set to enter his age-25 season, McKinney is the most appealing option in this deep bunch.  

Possible Destinations: New York Giants, Los Angeles Rams, Carolina Panthers, Washington Commanders, Green Bay Packers, Jacksonville Jaguars, Seattle Seahawks  

4.Mike Onwenu, guard/tackle (2023 team: New England Patriots)

Onwenu has been a godsend for the Patriots over the past 4 seasons as he's logged numerous starts at both guard spots and right tackle as the team has battled a near-constant stream of injuries and personnel changes across their offensive line. His versatility and consistency as an all-around offensive lineman are rare and if the Patriots don't use a portion of their abundance of cap space to reward him for his contributions to their team, he should have no problem landing a big payday from one of the many teams that's looking to sure up their offensive line.       

Possible Destinations: New England Patriots, Chicago Bears, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Washington Commanders, Tennessee Titans, New York Giants, Buffalo Bills, New York Jets, Miami Dolphins, Indianapolis Colts, San Francisco 49ers, Los Angeles Rams, Seattle Seahawks   

3.Danielle Hunter, edge rusher (2023 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Was playing in Brian Flores' comically blitz-happy system in 2023 the reason behind Hunter's career-best 16.5 sacks in 2023? No question. However, Hunter has been a mighty productive pass-rusher for most of his career-logging 87.5 sacks in 119 career games. Despite his well-documented limitations as a run-defender, the 29-year old is plenty good enough at his specialty to warrant some team handing him the final big payday of his career. 

Possible Destinations: Minnesota Vikings, Detroit Lions, San Francisco 49ers, Chicago Bears, Washington Commanders, New York Giants, Houston Texans, Los Angeles Rams   

2.Christian Wilkins, defensive tackle (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Wilkins avoiding the franchise tag is a shocker since he's not only one of the best young players at a premier position, but the Dolphins had precisely zero other viable candidates to receive it (and in fact, no one ultimately did!). If he does indeed end up leaving Miami, the already defensively challenged 'Phins might ultimately regret letting somebody who is capable of being so reliably disruptive on the interior of the d-line walk for free.     

Possible Destinations: Miami Dolphins, Indianapolis Colts, Houston Texans, Cleveland Browns, Chicago Bears, Seattle Seahawks, Las Vegas Raiders  

1.Chris Jones, defensive tackle (2023 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

The single most productive, feared interior defensive lineman not named Aaron Donald to play in the NFL over the past decade being allowed to hit the open market feels like a seismic event. While it feels very unlikely that Jones ends up leaving Kansas City, every team that can afford the 30-year old and has a need at DT would be out of their damn minds to not make a notable effort to add this elite wrecking ball to their roster.    

Possible Destinations: Kansas City Chiefs, Las Vegas Raiders, Seattle Seahawks, Indianapolis Colts 

Other Notable Players Available:

A.J. Dillon, running back (2023 team: Green Bay Packers)

A.J. Epenesa, edge rusher (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

A'Shawn Robinson, defensive tackle (2023 team: New York Giants)

Aaron Brewer, center (2023 team: Tennessee Titans)

Adoree' Jackson, cornerback (2023 team: New York Giants)

Ahkello Witherspoon, cornerback (2023 team: Los Angeles Rams)

Alexander Mattison, running back (2023 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Alohi Gilman, safety (2023 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Amik Robertson, cornerback (2023 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Andre James, center (2023 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Andrew Van Ginkel, edge rusher (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Andrus Peat, tackle (2023 team: New Orleans Saints)

Anfernee Jennings, edge rusher (2023 team: New England Patriots)

Anthony Walker Jr., inside linebacker (2023 team: Cleveland Browns)

Austin Ekeler, running back (2023 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Austin Hooper, tight end (2023 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Avonte Maddox, cornerback (2023 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Azeez Al-Shaair, inside linebacker (2023 team: Tennessee Titans)

Baker Mayfield, quarterback (2023 team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

Blake Cashman, inside linebacker (2023 team: Houston Texans)

Bobby Wagner, inside linebacker (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Brandon Graham, edge rusher (2023 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Brandon Jones, safety (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Bryce Huff, edge rusher (2023 team: New York Jets)

Bud Dupree, edge rusher (2023 team: Atlanta Falcons)

C.J. Gardner-Johnson, safety/cornerback (2023 team: Detroit Lions)

C.J. Uzomah, tight end (2023 team: New York Jets)

Calias Campbell, defensive tackle/end (2023 team: Atlanta Falcons)

Carl Lawson, edge rusher (2023 team: New York Jets)

Charles Leno Jr., tackle (2023 team: Washington Commanders) 

Chase Young, edge rusher (2023 teams: Washington Commanders/San Francisco 49ers)

Chidobe Awuzie, cornerback (2023 team: Cincinnati Bengals)

Cody Barton, inside linebacker (2023 team: Washington Commanders)

Cody Whitehair, guard/center (2023 team: Chicago Bears)

Coleman Shelton, center (2023 team: Los Angeles Rams)

Connor Williams, center/guard (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Curtis Samuel, wide receiver (2023 team: Washington Commanders)

D.J. Chark, wide receiver (2023 team: Carolina Panthers)

D.J. Reader, defensive tackle (2023 team: Cincinnati Bengals)

D.J. Wonnum, edge rusher (2023 team: Minnesota Vikings)

D'Andre Swift, running back (2023 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

D'Onta Foreman, running back (2023 team: Chicago Bears)

Dalton Risner, guard (2023 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Dalvin Cook, running back (2023 teams: New York Jets/Baltimore Ravens)

Damien Lewis, guard (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Dane Jackson, cornerback (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

DaQuan Jones, defensive tackle (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Darnell Mooney, wide receiver (2023 team: Chicago Bears)

Darnell Savage, safety (2023 team: Green Bay Packers)

Darrell Taylor, edge rusher (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Denico Autry, defensive tackle/end (2023 team: Tennessee Titans)

Derek Barnett, edge rusher (2023 teams: Philadelphia Eagles/Houston Texans)

Derrick Henry, running back (2023 team: Tennessee Titans)

DeShon Elliott, safety (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Devin Singletary, running back (2023 team: Houston Texans)

Devin White, inside linebacker (2023 team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

Donovan Smith, tackle (2023 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Dorance Armstrong, edge rusher (2023 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Drew Lock, quarterback (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Drue Tranquill, inside linebacker (2023 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Eddie Jackson, safety (2023 team: Chicago Bears)

Emmanuel Ogbah, edge rusher (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Eric Kendricks, inside linebacker (2023 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Evan Brown, center (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Ezekiel Elliott, running back (2023 team: New England Patriots)

Fletcher Cox, defensive tackle (2023 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Frankie Luvu, inside linebacker (2023 team: Carolina Panthers)

Gabe Davis, wide receiver (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Gardner Minshew, quarterback (2023 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Geno Stone, safety (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

George Fant, tackle (2023 team: Houston Texans)

Gerald Everett, tight end (2023 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Graham Glasgow, guard (2023 team: Detroit Lions)

Greg Van Roten, guard (2023 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Grover Stewart, defensive tackle (2023 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Gus Edwards, running back (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Hunter Henry, tight end (2023 team: New England Patriots)

J.K. Dobbins, running back (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Jacoby Brissett, quarterback (2023 team: Washington Commanders)

Jadeveon Clowney, edge rusher (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Jamal Adams, safety (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Jameis Winston, quarterback (2023 team: New Orleans Saints)

Javon Kinlaw, defensive tackle (2023 team: San Francisco 49ers)

Jeremy Chinn, safety (2023 team: Carolina Panthers)

Jermaine Eluemunor, tackle (2023 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Jerome Baker, inside linebacker (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Jerry Hughes, edge rusher (2023 team: Houston Texans)

John Simpson, guard (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Jon Feliciano, guard (2023 team: San Francisco 49ers)

Jon Runyan, guard (2023 team: Green Bay Packers)

Jonah Jackson, guard (2023 team: Detroit Lions)

Jonah Williams, tackle (2023 team: Cincinnati Bengals)

Jordan Fuller, safety (2023 team: Los Angeles Rams)

Jordan Hicks, inside linebacker (2023 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Jordan Poyer, safety (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Jordan Whitehead, safety (2023 team: New York Jets)

Jordyn Brooks, inside linebacker (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Josey Jewell, inside linebacker (2023 team: Denver Broncos)

Josh Jacobs, running back (2023 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Josh Jones, tackle (2023 teams: Arizona Cardinals/Houston Texans)

Josh Reynolds, wide receiver (2023 team: Detroit Lions)

Josh Uche, edge rusher (2023 team: New England Patriots)

Jourdan Lewis, cornerback (2023 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Julian Blackmon, safety (2023 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Justin Simmons, safety (2023 team: Denver Broncos)

K.J. Osborn, wide receiver (2023 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Kamren Curl, safety (2023 team: Washington Commanders)

Keisean Nixon, cornerback (2023 team: Green Bay Packers)

Kendrick Bourne, wide receiver (2023 team: New England Patriots)

Kenny Moore, cornerback (2023 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Kevin Byard, safety (2023 teams: Tennessee Titans/Philadelphia Eagles)

Kevin Zeitler, guard (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Kristian Fulton, cornerback (2023 team: Tennessee Titans)

Kyle Van Noy, edge rusher (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Lavonte David, inside linebacker (2023 team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

Leonard Floyd, edge rusher (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Leonard Williams, defensive end (2023 teams: New York Giants/Seattle Seahawks)

Lloyd Cushenberry III, center (2023 team: Denver Broncos)

Marcus Davenport, edge rusher (2023 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Marquise Brown, wide receiver (2023 team: Arizona Cardinals)

Maurice Hurst, defensive tackle (2023 team: Cleveland Browns)

Mekhi Becton, tackle (2023 team: New York Jets)

Micah Hyde, safety (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Michael Davis, cornerback (2023 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Michael Thomas, wide receiver (2023 team: New Orleans Saints)

Mike Danna, edge rusher (2023 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Mike Edwards, safety (2023 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Mike Gesicki, tight end (2023 team: New England Patriots)

Mitch Morse, center (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Myles Bryant, cornerback (2023 team: New England Patriots)

Nicholas Morrow, inside linebacker (2023 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Noah Brown, wide receiver (2023 team: Houston Texans)

Noah Fant, tight end (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Odell Beckham Jr., wide reciever (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Oren Burks, inside linebacker (2023 team: San Francisco 49ers)

Patrick Queen, inside linebacker (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Quandre Diggs, safety (2023 team: Seattle Seahawks) 

Quinton Jefferson, defensive tackle (2023 team: New York Jets)

Rakewon Davis, defensive tackle (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Robert Hunt, guard (2023 team: Miami Dolphins)

Ronald Darby, cornerback (2023 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Russell Wilson, quarterback (2023 team: Denver Broncos)

Ryan Tannehill, quarterback (2023 team: Tennessee Titans)

Saquon Barkley, running back (2023 team: New York Giants)

Sean Murphy-Bunting, cornerback (2023 team: Tennessee Titans)

Shaq Barrett, edge rusher (2023 team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

Shaquille Leonard, inside/outside linebacker (2023 teams: Indianapolis Colts/Philadelphia Eagles)

Shelby Harris, defensive tackle (2023 team: Cleveland Browns)

Sheldon Rankins, defensive tackle (2023 teams: Houston Texans)

Sione Takitaki, inside linebacker (2023 team: Cleveland Browns)

Siran Neal, cornerback (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Stephon Gillmore, cornerback (2023 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Steven Nelson, cornerback (2023 team: Houston Texans)

Tashaun Gibson, safety (2023 team: San Francisco 49ers)

Taylor Rapp, safety (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Teair Tart, defensive tackle (2023 teams: Tennessee Titans/Houston Texans)

Tony Pollard, running back (2023 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Tre'Davious White, cornerback (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Trent Brown, tackle (2023 team: New England Patriots)

Tyler Biadasz, center (2023 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Tyler Boyd, wide receiver (2023 team: Cincinnati Bengals)

Tyquan Lewis, edge rusher (2023 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Tyrel Dodson, inside linebacker (2023 team: Buffalo Bills)

Tyrod Taylor, quarterback (2023 team: New York Giants)

Willie Gay Jr., inside linebacker (2023 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Yosh Niiman, tackle (2023 team: Green Bay Packers)

Za'Darius Smith, edge rusher (2023 team: Cleveland Browns)

Zach Cunningham, inside linebacker (2023 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Zack Moss, running back (2023 team: Indianapolis Colts)

2024 Best Picture Nominees Ranked

Welcome to this special edition of "Ranked", where I'm ranking this year's Best Picture nominees from worst to best.

10.Maestro:

An immediate entry into the try-hard Oscar Bait Hall of Fame that would be completely worthless if it weren't shot so beautifully by Matthew Libatique and edited so crisply by Michelle Tesoro. Both Bradley Cooper and Carey Mulligan have never been more painful to watch on screen as they try to artificially manufacture awards show clips for 2 hours in this brutal slog of a biopic that is allegedly designed to be an ode to the love composer Leonard Bernstein and his wife Felicia shared for each other. It's a fucking travesty that this laughable stinker was able to land 7 Oscar nominations while stuff like All of Us Strangers, The Iron Claw and Priscilla got shut out entirely.     

Grade: D+

9.The Zone of Interest:

Jonathan Glazer deserves credit for making an abstract film that portrays the evil of fascism in the most banal way possible. However, The Zone of Interest would've been significantly more effective as a short since it makes its point in the first 30 minutes and then repeats itself over the next hour or so as it continues to show its Nazi protagonists going about their normal domestic life right on the figurative doorstep of Auschwitz without even a passing acknowledgment of the atrocities they're committing.     

Grade: C

8.Oppenheimer:

It's going to become a lot more fashionable to call Oppenheimer overrated once it wins Best Picture on Sunday, but for now, I'm on an island. Don't get me wrong, it's a good movie that features some stunning moments (the gym scene, the Trinity Test, the oval office meeting between Harry Truman and Oppenheimer) a great lead performance from Cillian Murphy and the reliably stunning technical elements that you've come to expect from a Christopher Nolan movie. I was just never totally gripped by it as the film contains several narrative rough patches (primarily when it focuses on Robert Downey Jr.'s Lewis Strauss) that are further exacerbated by the freneticism that is baked into its non-linear narrative structure and bizarre scenes (depressed alcoholic Kitty Oppenheimer showing perfect recall of events when she snaps at the attorney running her husband's security clearance renewal hearing that showed me that Nolan is lucky enough to have never had anyone close to him battle the disease, the "I Am Become Death, Destroyer of Worlds" tease during the sex scene between Oppenheimer and Jean Tatlock, the Marvel-esque namedrop of JFK near the end of the film) that took me completely out of the movie.    

Grade: B

7.American Fiction:

As a satire of people's expectations for black art and what "black art" means to the people that are creating it, American Fiction is terrific. As a family drama about a middle-aged author (Jeffrey Wright) who reluctantly returns home to Massachusetts after being fired from his teaching job at a Los Angeles college and is subsequently forced to examine the shaky relationships he has with his mother (Leslie Uggams) and siblings (Sterling K. Brown, Tracee Ellis Ross) that inspired his move to the West Coast, it's far less successful as it emotional beats are far too heavily rooted in unconvincing melodrama. Flaws with the dramatic side of the film aside, writer/director Cord Jefferson-who makes his feature debut here-show off enough potential as a filmmaker to get excited about his future in the industry and the performances from Wright and Brown are stellar pieces of work that are fully deserving of the recognition they received from the Academy. 

Grade: B

6.Anatomy of a Fall:

Anatomy of a Fall is a borderline great legal drama that I feel is both made and held back by its decision to use the ambiguity-filled dissection of a marriage to let the viewer decide whether a man (Samuel Theis) jumped off the balcony of his home or was pushed from it by his wife (Sandra Hueller). But my favorite thing about Anatomy of a Fall is that it's at the center of the funniest narrative of Oscar season that more people should be aware of. To briefly sum up the situation, the French Best International Feature committee shocked a lot of people around the world by selecting the Juliette Binoche-led romantic drama The Taste of Things over Anatomy of a Fall as the country's official submission for the Oscars. The Taste of Things ultimately failed to secure a nomination and as its inclusion in the Best Picture field proves, Anatomy of a Fall would've almost certainly earned France their first Best International Feature win since 1993-which is a continued source of tremendous shame in the cinema capital of the world. If this hilarious debacle isn't enough to inspire some form of dramatic reshuffling of the French Best International Feature committee, I don't know if there's anything in the world that possibly could.   

Grade: B

5.Killers of the Flower Moon:

While not every creative choice here worked for me, I still believe that Killers of the Flower Moon is the best movie Scorsese has made since Shutter Island, if not The Departed. The handling of the Osage murders is not only gripping and enraging in its portrayal of William Hale's (Robert De Niro in one of the finest turns of his storied career) insidious long con plan to seize control of the tribe's immense oil wealth, but extremely respectful of their way of life and the permanent damage this string of calculated killings did to their community. On top of that, the film features a triumphant final score from the late Robbie Robertson, a devastating lead performance from Lily Gladstone that will hopefully cement her as a Hollywood mainstay for the rest of her career and some of the most assured, confident direction of Scorsese's career.       

Grade: B+

4.Past Lives:

Something about Past Lives being Celine Song's first film just doesn't quite compute. Like how do you make something so smart, achingly romantic and quietly devastating on your first crack at doing something that's as difficult as making a movie?!? Cute observations aside, this movie is seriously fantastic, and I hope more people will elect to seek it out now that it's streaming on Showtime/Paramount+.     

Grade: B+

3.The Holdovers:

Alexander Payne washed the stink of Downsizing off him in the most defiant way possible by not only returning to form, but making what just might be the best movie he's ever made. Through its sharp scripting, efficient pacing and an incredible trio of lead performances from Paul Giamatti, Da'Vine Joy Randolph and newcomer Dominic Sessa, The Holdovers is able to tell a beautiful, emotionally varied story about three broken people brought together by having nowhere to go for the holidays and the unlikely bond they build through their shared grief.    

Grade: A 

2.Barbie:

Removing Barbie from the gloriously vibrant atmosphere of an opening weekend screening does a little bit of damage to its quality. That being said, it's still an extremely funny, bold movie with a ton of great performances from its massive ensemble cast (Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, Kate McKinnon, Issa Rae, Will Ferrell, Michael Cera, Rhea Perlman, America Ferrera, Ariana Greenblatt, Alexandra Shipp) quotable dialogue and well fleshed-out ideas about things like gender roles, sexism and CEO's of major corporations being complete buffoons.  

Grade: A

1.Poor Things:

A second viewing last weekend only further unlocked my love for this weird little gem of a movie. Yorgos Lanthimos' singularity as a filmmaker is on total display here as he crafts an enthralling fantastical tale of one woman's rocky road to discovering her purpose and self-worth in the face of all of the men that wish to control her destiny. Emma Stone shows off her rare versatility as a performer with her stunning lead performance as the rapidly evolving heroine Bella Baxter, the supporting cast (Mark Ruffalo, Willem Dafoe, Ramy Youssef, Kathryn Hunter, Jerod Carmichael, Suzy Bemba, Hannah Schygulla, Christopher Abbott) does an outstanding job of helping shape the many turns Bella makes on her journey to liberation and Tony McNamara's razor-sharp script is the perfect mix of comedy, eccentricity and tragedy.        

Grade: A 

Movie Review: Dune: Part Two

At a time where people often debate the viability and quality of the movie theater experience, something like Dune: Part Two comes along to remind everybody of just how impressive it can be. In fact, the bigger, more action-heavy second chapter of Denis Villeneuve's epic space opera serves as one of the best advertising campaigns for the theatrical experience-especially premium formats such as IMAX and Dolby-in recent history. Seeing something like Paul Atreides (Timothee Chalamet) learning how to ride a sandworm, Chani (Zendaya) and the Fremen attacking a Harkonnen spice production plant with rockets or the stunning black-and-white photography of the Feyd-Raha Harkonnen (Austin Butler) gladiator sequence on a massive screen where the colors pop, the intricate sound design explodes from the speakers and the massive scope of the film can be completely felt is just pure magic. These are the kind of awe-inspiring moments of immersion that make people fall in love with a franchise and the medium itself and given the current state of blockbusters where huge films are regularly slapped together by a committee of suits who don't give two shits about the actual quality of the product their company is putting out into the world, seeing something with such excellent setpieces and meticulous attention to detail from a filmmaker that is firmly in control of their own project feels particularly special. 

If Dune: Part Two was something like Raiders of the Lost Ark or Jurassic Park where spectacle and the sense of wonder it creates were the engine of the film, it would be a towering triumph. But alas, that's not the case. Dune: Part Two is a film about the next step Paul Atredies takes in his reluctant but unavoidable ascension to the throne that touches on a whole lot of things including colonialism, religious fanaticism and power's unmatched ability to corrupt the soul. Not unlike the journey of his film's protagonist, Villeneuve's desire to deliver sweeping sci-fi spectacle gets in the way of his good intentions to tell a character-driven story that pops off the screen with the same impact as its blockbuster action moments. 

The sheer size of Dune's universe and the violent power struggle that sits at the center of it creates this barrier between the drama and the characters that are driving it. In turn, this barrier creates a distance that is significant enough between them and the audience that every event of the film, its meaning and the emotions they intend to conjure up lack weight. It feels extremely odd for something that has such high storytelling and emotional stakes to fell so hollow on that front, but I guess the vastness of Arrakis is just too much to support both the epic science fiction action and human drama that all of these battles are in service of.

To be fair to this film, Dune is widely considered to be one of the densest novels ever written and Villeneuve's filmography outside of Arrival is full of cold, harsh affairs that don't deal with the brand of emotional devastation that's on display here. Still, Dune: Part Two collapses upon itself whenever it shifts from its big action/worldbuilding moments to the character-driven ones that are supposed to be the heart of the film and for that reason alone, I believe it marks a pretty considerable regression from its predecessor.                                                

Grade: B

2024 NFL Mock Draft (Post-Combine)

1.Chicago Bears: Caleb Williams, quarterback (USC)

2.Washington Commanders: Jayden Daniels, quarterback (LSU)

3.New England Patriots: Drake Maye, quarterback (North Carolina) 

4.Arizona Cardinals: Marvin Harrison Jr., wide receiver (Ohio State) 

5.Los Angeles Chargers: Malik Nabers, wide receiver (LSU) 

6.New York Giants: Joe Alt, tackle (Notre Dame) 

7.Tennessee Titans: Rome Odunze, wide receiver (Washington)

8.Atlanta Falcons: Dallas Turner, edge rusher (Alabama) 

9.Chicago Bears: Tailese Fuaga, tackle (Oregon State) 

10.New York Jets: JC Latham, tackle (Alabama) 

11.Minnesota Vikings: Jared Verse, edge rusher (Florida State) 

12.Denver Broncos: Brock Bowers, tight end (Georgia) 

13.Las Vegas Raiders: J.J. McCarthy, quarterback (Michigan) 

14.New Orleans Saints: Olu Fashanu, tackle (Penn State) 

15.Indianapolis Colts: Cooper DeJean, cornerback (Iowa) 

16.Seattle Seahawks: Jer'Zhan Newton, defensive tackle (Illinois) 

17.Jacksonville Jaguars: Troy Fautanu, tackle/guard (Washington) 

18.Cincinnati Bengals: Amarius Mimis, tackle (Georgia) 

19.Los Angeles Rams: Laiatu Latu, edge rusher (UCLA)  

20.Pittsburgh Steelers: Nate Wiggins, cornerback (Clemson)

21.Miami Dolphins: Terrion Arnold, cornerback (Alabama)

22.Philadelphia Eagles: Quinyon Mitchell, cornerback (Toledo)

23.Houston Texans: Chop Robinson, edge rusher (Penn State) 

24.Dallas Cowboys: Tyler Guyton, tackle (Oklahoma)

25.Green Bay Packers: Tyler Nubin, safety (Minnesota) 

26.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Graham Barton, tackle/guard (Duke) 

27.Arizona Cardinals: Kool-Aid McKinstry, cornerback (Alabama)

28.Buffalo Bills: Brian Thomas Jr., wide receiver (LSU) 

29.Detroit Lions: Ennis Rakestraw Jr., cornerback (Missouri)

30.Baltimore Ravens: Troy Franklin, wide receiver (Oregon)

31.San Francisco 49ers: T.J. Tampa, cornerback (Iowa State) 

32.Kansas City Chiefs: Keon Coleman, wide receiver (Florida State)