Chris Messina Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Chris Messina-whose latest project "The Boogeyman" releases in theaters tonight.

Chris Messina's Filmography Ranked:

15.Like Crazy (F)

14.Ruby Sparks (D+)

13.Julie & Julia (C)

12.Devil (C+)

11.Call Jane (B-)

10.Celeste and Jesse Forever (B-)

9.Cake (B-)

8.Away We Go (B)

7.Vicky Christina Barcelona (B)

6.Live by Night (B)

5.I Care a Lot (B+)

4.Air (B+)

3.Argo (B+)

2.Rounders (A-)

1.Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (A)

Top Dog: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)

At a time where connected universes, multiverses, etc. are the primary way that superhero stories are told, Birds of Prey serves as a refreshing reminder of how these movies are often at their best when their content with being a standalone feature. Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn spin-off models the personality of its erratic heroine with an explosion of bright colors, chaotic non-linear storytelling and hyperactive energy that never lets up for a second. I truly believe that Birds of Prey is easily one of the biggest triumphs in the genre of late and it sucks that Robbie, writer Christina Hodson and director Cathy Yan aren't going to get the chance to make more of these.  

Bottom Feeder: Like Crazy (2011)

A stacked ensemble cast headlined by Anton Yelchin, Felicity Jones, Jennifer Lawrence and Messina can't do a damn thing to make Like Crazy's strange, obnoxious combination of cliched romantic melodrama and exhausting arthouse bullshit even the slightest bit more palatable. 

Most Underrated: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)

Breakneck pacing, electric, inventive fight scenes that set a new high bar for superhero action scenes that has yet to be cleared or matched and some excellent performances (Margot Robbie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Jurnee Smollett, Ewan McGregor) that fit the movie's cartoonish maximalist style perfectly makes Birds of Prey a ton of fun to watch.

Most Overrated: Ruby Sparks (2012)

Is this a reach? Probably, yes. Ruby Sparks wasn't a huge commercial hit and it's unlikely that too many non-diehard Letterboxd users have discussed this movie recently. However, Julie & Julia is far too innocuous of a crowdpleaser dramedy for me to view it as overrated and I loathed this pretty acclaimed Garden State-adjacent quirkfest about a sad sack writer (Paul Dano) whose romantic woes are solved when a character he created/fell in love with (Zoe Kazan) suddenly makes the leap from the page to the real world. The frequent attempts to mine laughs and charm out of this pretty creepy depressed hipster wish fulfillment fantasy plot all fail miserably and this unpleasant 1-2 punch makes Ruby Sparks a grating watch that only becomes more painful as it progresses.   

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Centers

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20.(20) Ted Karras (Bengals)

19.(14) Brian Allen (Rams)

18.(+) Jake Brendel (49ers)

17.(17) Bradley Bozeman (Panthers)

16.(12) Ryan Kelly (Colts)

15.(+) Drew Dalman (Falcons)

14.(+) Mason Cole (Steelers)

13.(+) Garrett Bradbury (Vikings)

12.(+) Cody Whitehair (Bears)

11.(13) Connor McGovern (Jets)

10.(9) Ryan Jensen (Buccaneers)

9.(19) Ethan Pocic (Browns)

8.(+) Tyler Linderbaum (Ravens)

7.(3)Ben Jones (Free Agent)

6.(4) David Andrews (Patriots)

5.(+) Connor Williams (Dolphins)

4.(1) Corey Linsley (Chargers)

3.(6) Frank Ragnow (Lions)

2.(2) Jason Kelce (Eagles)

1.(8) Creed Humphrey (Chiefs)

Quick Movie Reviews: White Men Can't Jump, Kandahar, You Hurt My Feelings

White Men Can't Jump: Calmatic ended up going 2 for 2 in his quest to make loose, mediocre remakes of 90's comedies this year. While the charisma of leads Sinqua Walls and Jack Harlow (making his acting debut) and some energetic basketball scenes are enough to make it an agreeable watch, the movie just simply isn't very funny. For a "modern" spin on White Men Can't Jump, it's awfully reliant on writing lazy punchlines that play into broad racial stereotypes that were tired in 1992 when the original came out. The fact that Harlow plays a vegan hippie that is oblivious to black culture instead of a B-Rad from Malibu's Most Wanted-esque aspiring rapper caricature is the closest the script from Kenya Barris and Doug Hall comes to being clever and by the 20th time somebody makes a joke about the smoothies he's drinking or his love of meditation, whatever minimal creative points they earned go out the window. If studios are going to keep insisting on remaking cult classic comedies from 30+ years ago, they need to at least hire people that are capable of writing jokes and characters that have some actual creativity behind them or we're going to be doomed to a fate of being subjected to a couple of so-so lazy Sunday watches like White Men Can't Jump and House Party every year that draw no strong opinions outside of gatekeeping fans of the original before they permanently disappear from the public consciousness.       

Grade: C

Kandahar: Kandahar is a bit of a change of pace for Gerard Butler as it's more of a political thriller/war film than a straight-up action vehicle. Coincidence or not, this slight deviation from his standard fare also happens to be one of the better movies he's starred in over the past decade. While it's clear that this is his first foray into screenwriting from the uneven handling of some of the secondary narrative threads, retired military intelligence officer Mitchell LaFortune does a very good job of constructing an endearing story about an M1-6 agent on loan to the CIA (Butler) whose forced to flee Afghanistan with a translator (Navid Negahban) that had just joined him for an upcoming job after his cover is blown following an unnamed American whistleblower revealing his role in the recent destruction of an Iranian nuclear weapons plant. 

The plot has sharp observations about just how much of a rapidly-evolving, greed-driven entity war in the Middle East has been over the past several decades and how the people of these nations ultimately pay the steepest price for the endless violence that Western nations gladly help escalate from afar directly baked into it, which provides Kandahar with a melancholic backbone that gives the film a much more grounded feel than the typical American-backed, Middle East-set movie. LaFortune's even-handed portrayal of "modern" warfare is complemented by Ric Roman Waugh's confident direction that balances the quiet dramatic moments with the big action pops quite well, a strong performance from Butler as an elite special forces officer whose excellence in the field has come at the expense of a completely deterioration of his personal life back in the UK and an even stronger one from Negahban as an Afghan refugee who has mixed emotions about returning to his homeland after so many years away. The aforementioned sketchy handling of the subplots prevent Kandahar from being truly great, but it's an entertaining flick that has some real substance and that's something that's always worth celebrating in my book.      

Grade: B

You Hurt My Feelings: You Hurt My Feelings is built around a very simple yet uncomfortable fact: Couples lie to each other about petty things to either avoid conflicts or not hurt their partner's feelings and catching them in the act can launch a full-blown existential crisis that causes the affected party to question the very foundation of their relationship. Examining this "betrayal" represents the full extent of the narrative stakes and that will unquestionably lead to some viewers feeling that this is a pointless watch, but I felt it was a very enjoyable slice of life movie. The primary cast (Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Arian Moyaed, Owen Teague) give authentic performances as vain people who are in professional ruts that don't realize that they are dealing with similar problems at home and Nicole Holofcener's ability to spotlight how all of this shit would be easily avoidable if humans didn't have such fragile egos and write funny dialogue that fits each character really helps make every beat of this film feel wholly believable. On top of that, it successfully sets up, examines and resolves its thesis statement in roughly 90 minutes! I'll fondly look back on the storytelling efficiency of You Hurt My Feelings the next time I sit through a needlessly bloated movie. 

Grade: B 

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 30 Guards

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30.(22) Mark Glowinski (Giants)

29.(+) Tyler Smith (Cowboys)

28.(25) Jonah Jackson (Lions)

27.(+) Will Hernandez (Cardinals)

26.(20) Alijah Vera-Tucker (Jets)

25.(+) Teven Jenkins (Bears)

24.(27) Nate Davis (Bears)

23.(+) Landon Dickerson (Eagles)

22.(21) Andrew Norwell (Commanders)

21.(10) Laken Tomlinson (Jets)

20.(7) Brandon Schreff (Jaguars)

19.(+) Damien Lewis (Seahawks)

18.(+) Quinn Minerz (Broncos)

17.(18) James Daniels (Steelers)

16.(17) Alex Cappa (Bengals)

15.(19) Austin Corbett (Panthers)

14.(+) Robert Hunt (Dolphins)

13.(16) Trey Smith (Chiefs)

12.(26) Ezra Cleveland (Vikings)

11.(24) Issac Seumalo (Steelers)

10.(+) Elgton Jenkins (Packers)

9.(6) Wyatt Teller (Browns)

8.(4) Shaq Mason (Texans)

7.(9) Kevin Zeitler (Ravens)

6.(2) Quenton Nelson (Colts)

5.(15) Michael Owenu (Patriots)

4.(1) Zack Martin (Cowboys)

3.(5) Joe Thuney (Chiefs)

2.(8) Chris Lindstrom (Falcons)

1.(3) Joel Bitonio (Browns)

Robert De Niro Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the films of Robert De Niro-whose latest project "About My Father" opens in theaters today.

Robert De Niro's Filmography Ranked:

38.Shark Tale (F)

37.Joker (D-)

36.Raging Bull (D)

35.The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (D+)

34.New Year's Eve (D+)

33.Guilty by Suspicion (C-)

32.Stardust (C)  

31.Little Fockers (C)

30.Showtime (C)

29.Analyze That (C)

28.Righteous Kill (C)

27.Heist (C+)

26.Grudge Match (B-)

25.Amsterdam (B-)

24.Hands of Stone (B-)

23.The Score (B-)

22.Analyze This (B)

21.Last Vegas (B)

20.Dirty Grandpa (B)

19.Killer Elite (B)

18.Meet the Fockers (B)

17.The Intern (B)

16.Heat (B)

15.Limitless (B)

14.Joy (B)

13.The King of Comedy (B)

12.The Irishman (B+)

11.Taxi Driver (B+)

10.Cape Fear (B+)

9.Midnight Run (B+)

8.Machete (A-)

7.Cop Land (A-)

6.Jackie Brown (A-)

5.The Untouchables (A-)

4.Meet the Parents (A)

3.American Hustle (A)

2.Silver Linings Playbook (A)

1.Goodfellas (A+)

Top Dog: Goodfellas (1990)

Enthralling, hilarious and tragic, Goodfellas is a densely layered mob opus that manages to stand out even in Martin Scorsese's gem-filmed filmography.  

Bottom Feeder: Shark Tale (2004)

Dreamworks making an animated gangster movie with sea creatures is the kind of unhinged idea that I  typically would enthusiastically support. However, Shark Tale makes horrendous use of that deranged plot by using it as the springboard to create an unfunny, obnoxious film that is never anything less than physically painful to watch.   

Most Underrated: Cop Land (1997)

James Mangold really came into his own with his sophomore directorial effort. This story of a small town New Jersey sheriff (Sylvester Stallone in one of the best performances of his career) who decides to stand up to a powerful group of corrupt New York city cops (Harvey Keitel, Ray Liotta, Robert Patrick, Peter Berg, John Spencer) that have been using his community as a command post for their criminal enterprises after years of looking the other way is a compelling slow burn crime drama that really comes alive in its explosive, pulse-pounding finale. 

Most Overrated: Joker (2019)

With Joker, Todd Phillips wanted the whole world to know that he really loves Taxi Driver and The King of Comedy. Congrats man, a lot of people out there do too! I wish I had watched either of those films again instead of choosing to watch a hack like Phillips attempt to mimic the spirit of these Martin Scorsese classics with a Batman villain in the Travis Bickle/Rupert Pupkin role. The lengths that Phillips and Joaquin Phoenix go to sell Joker as some kind of provoctative, shocking and profound character study of a mentally-ill man who finally fights back against the system that has been so cruel to him are embarrassing and the desperation behind their over-the-top showy storytelling/acting approaches makes this one of the most putrid, masturbatory pieces of garbage I've ever had to sit through.          

Most Overhated: Dirty Grandpa (2016)

While it's definitely not great, a deep, talented ensemble cast (Zac Efron, De Niro, Aubrey Plaza, Zoey Deutch, Jason Mantzoukas, Adam Pally, Danny Glover) letting loose with the dumb material they were given is enough to make Dirty Grandpa an amusing sex comedy. 

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Tight Ends

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+=Unranked or ineligible in 2022 

20.(+) Jordan Akins (Browns)

19.(+) Juwan Johnson (Saints)

18.(8) Mike Gesicki (Patriots)

17.(13) Noah Fant (Seahawks)

16.(9) Hunter Henry (Patriots) 

15.(20) Gerald Everett (Chargers)

14.(18) Cole Kmet (Bears)

13.(15) Dawson Knox (Bills)

12.(6) Kyle Pitts (Falcons)

11.(11) Tyler Higbee (Rams)

10.(10) Dalton Schultz (Texans)

9.(+) Evan Engram (Jaguars)

8.(17) David Njoku (Browns)

7.(14) Pat Friermuth (Steelers)

6.(4) Darren Waller (Giants)

5.(7) T.J. Hockenson (Vikings)

4.(5) Dallas Goedert (Eagles)

3.(3) Mark Andrews (Ravens)

2.(2) George Kittle (49ers)

1.(1) Travis Kelce (Chiefs)

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 30 Tackles

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+=Unranked or not eligible in 2022

30.(+) Braxton Jones (Bears)

29.(+) D.J. Humphries (Cardinals)

28.(26) Charles Leno Jr. (Commanders)

27.(15) Braden Smith (Colts)

26.(24) Rob Havenstein (Rams)

25.(+) Morgan Moses (Ravens)

24.(10) Jack Conklin (Browns)

23.(+)Mike McGlinchey (Broncos)

22.(17) Dion Dawkins (Bills)

21.(+) Kaleb McGary (Falcons)

20.(8) Taylor Moton (Panthers)

19.(11) Rashawn Slater (Chargers)

18.(14) Garret Bolles (Broncos)

17.(9) Ronnie Stanley (Ravens)

16.(19) Taylor Decker (Lions)

15.(20) Orlando Brown Jr. (Bengals)

14.(18) Kolton Miller (Raiders)

13.(21) Jordan Mailata (Eagles)

12.(23) Penei Sewell (Lions)

11.(+) Christian Darrisaw (Vikings)

10.(13) Jake Matthews (Falcons)

9.(6) Terron Armstead (Dolphins)

8.(3) David Bakhtiari (Packers)

7.(25) Brian O'Neill (Vikings)

6.(12) Laremy Tunsil (Texans)

5.(27) Andrew Thomas (Giants)

4.(4) Tristian Wirfs (Buccaneers)

3.(2) Ryan Ramcyzk (Saints)

2.(5) Lane Johnson (Eagles)

1.(1) Trent Williams (49ers)