Michael Shannon Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Michael Shannon-whose latest project "The Flash" releases in theaters on Thursday.

Michael Shannon's Filmography Ranked:

24.Pearl Harbor (D-)

23.Jonah Hex (D)

22.Man of Steel (D)

21.Midnight Special (C-)

20.She's Funny That Way (C)

19.Let's Go to Prison (C)

18.They Came Together (C)

17.Groundhog Day (C)

16.Amsterdam (B-)

15.8 Mile (B-)

14.Kangaroo Jack (B-)

13.Machine Gun Preacher (B)

12.Premium Rush (B)

11.Mud (B)

10.Nocturnal Animals (B)

9.99 Homes (B+)

8.Revolutionary Road (B+)

7.Bullet Train (B+)

6.The Shape of Water (B+)

5.Take Shelter (B+)

4.Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (B+)

3.Bad Boys II (B+)

2.Knives Out (B+)

1.The Night Before (A)

Top Dog: The Night Before (2015)

When it comes to modern holiday movies, I don't believe there's a single one that's better or more unheralded than The Night Before. Its balance of warmth/emotion and R-rated comedic hijinks is perfect, the rapport between Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen and Anthony Mackie as childhood best friends who reunite on Christmas to catch-up/celebrate the life of Gordon-Levitt's character's late father feels completely natural and the supporting cast (Jillian Bell, Ilana Glazer, Shannon, Miley Cyrus playing herself) all manage to steal scenes before walking off into the sunset.  

Bottom Feeder: Pearl Harbor (2001)

Welcome back to this piece Pearl Harbor! The book on this movie is well-known by anybody that still remembers its existence: Michael Bay-who is as synonymous with big action movies as any director in cinema history-made the baffling decision to make an epic romance film that eventually turns into a not exactly accurate dramazation of the famous 1941 attack on the titular United States Naval Base in Honolulu by Japanese forces during World War II. The results were unsurprisingly abysmal as the love story is a cheesy soap opera anchored by 3 actors (Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale) with zero chemistry (Affleck and Hartnett play longtime friends who fight for the affection of a nurse played by Beckinsale) who couldn't have possibly turned in stiffer performances and the 3-hour runtime ends up being punishingly overlong given how excruciatingly boring the film is outside of the combat/bombing sequences.     

Most Underrated: Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)

Man, Sidney Lumet-who passed away in 2011-really did end his career with a bang. The iconic filmmaker behind such classics as Network, Dog Day Afternoon and 12 Angry Men returned to the crime drama/thriller world that served him so well over the years and made a remarkably bleak yet completely riveting and brilliantly-acted film that delivers gut punch after gut punch as it follows a family (Philip Seymour Hoffmann, Ethan Hawke, Albert Finney, Marisa Tomei, Amy Ryan, Rosemary Harris) whose lives rapidly unravel after a jewelry heist gone wrong.   

Most Overrated: Groundhog Day (1993)

Maybe it's because I'd seen a million movies with a time loop narrative by the time I saw it or I simply didn't get it, but I felt absolutely nothing watching Groundhog Day. As inherently diverting as watching a character deal with living the same day over and over again is (there's a reason the device has been used so much since), Bill Murray really isn't all that funny here, the romantic subplot with Andie McDowell feels forced and the script really isn't all that clever or exciting.  

Biggest DCU Misfire: Man of Steel (2013)

While the cult following Man of Steel has built over the years has made me consider giving it another try, I still currently despise nearly everything about Zack Snyder's first DC film. Following a strong opening sequence on Superman's home planet of Krypton, Man of Steel almost immediately devolves into an extremely dull superhero origin story featuring horrendous action sequences that launched the terrible superhero movie trend of "flying objects violently crashing into each other while the camera sits roughly 10 miles away from the fighting", a comically hammy villain turn from Shannon as General Zod that feels completely out of place in an otherwise stoic, often somber movie and Henry Cavill seemingly workshopping how to play Clark Kent/Superman in real time and never quite figuring it out by the time the movie ends. 

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Outside Linebackers

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2022

35.(+) Cory Littleton (Texans)

34.(+) Arden Key (Titans)

33.(+) Joe Tryon-Shoyinka (Buccaneers)

32.(+) Michael Hoecht (Rams)

31.(+) Darrell Taylor (Seahawks)

30.(+) Jack Sanborn (Bears)

29.(+) Zaire Franklin (Colts)

28.(+) Sionne Takitaki (Browns)

27.(+) Jahlani Tavai (Patriots)

26.(+) Malcolm Rodriguez (Lions)

25.(+) Kayvon Thibodeaux (Giants)

24.(18) Bud Dupree (Falcons)

23.(+) Marcus Davenport (Vikings)

22.(27) Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah (Browns)

21.(+) Pete Werner (Saints)

20.(+) Josh Uche (Patriots)

19.(23) Harold Landry (Titans)

18.(22) Randy Gregory (Broncos)

17.(26) Bradley Chubb (Dolphins)

16.(4) Shaq Barrett (Buccaneers)

15.(10) Preston Smith (Packers)

14.(35) Uchenna Nwosu (Seahawks)

13.(+) Dre Greenlaw (49ers)

12.(3) Khalil Mack (Chargers)

11.(+) Brian Burns (Panthers)

10.(14) Rashan Gary (Packers)

9.(+) Jaelan Phillips (Dolphins)

8.(+) T.J. Edwards (Bears)

7.(9) Josh Allen (Jaguars)

6.(7) Danielle Hunter (Vikings)

5.(21) Alex Highsmith (Steelers)

4.(13) Matthew Judon (Patriots)

3.(2) Joey Bosa (Chargers)

2.(12) Haason Reddick (Eagles)

1.(1) T.J. Watt (Steelers)

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Defensive Tackles

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or ineligible in 2022

35.(33) Maliek Collins (Texans)

34.(+) Broderick Washington (Ravens)

33.(34) Christian Barmore (Patriots)

32.(19) B.J. Hill (Bengals)

31.(+) Andrew Billings (Bears)

30.(+) A'Shawn Robinson (Giants)

29.(14) David Onyemata (Falcons)

28.(21) Ed Oliver (Bills)

27.(+) Jordan Davis (Eagles)

26.(+) Alim McNeill (Lions)

25.(+) Nathan Shepard (Saints)

24.(30) DaQuan Jones (Bills)

23.(+) Teair Tart (Titans)

22.(+) Davon Hamilton (Jaguars)

21.(23) Michael Pierce (Ravens)

20.(+) Sheldon Rankins (Texans)

19.(18) Fletcher Cox (Eagles)

18.(29) Da'Ron Payne (Commanders)

17.(22) Grover Stewart (Colts)

16.(7) Vita Vea (Buccaneers)

15.(13) Dalvin Tomlinson (Browns)

14.(6) Arik Armstead (49ers)

13.(12) Grady Jarrett (Falcons)

12.(28) Derrick Brown (Panthers)

11.(10) D.J. Reader (Bengals)

10.(15) Javon Hargrave (49ers)

9.(8) Jeffrey Simmons (Titans)

8.(5) Jonathan Allen (Commanders)

7.(9) Christian Wilkins (Dolphins)

6.(20) Quinnen Williams (Jets)

5.(4) DeForest Buckner (Colts)

4.(17) Dexter Lawrence (Giants)

3.(2) Cameron Heyward (Steelers)

2.(1) Aaron Donald (Rams)

1.(3)Chris Jones (Chiefs)

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 35 Defensive Ends

=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or not eligible in 2022

35.(+) Morgan Fox (Chargers)

34.(+) Ogbonnia Okoronkwo (Browns)

33.(+) John Kominsky (Lions)

32.(+) Harrison Phillips (Vikings)

31.(+) Charles Omenihu (Chiefs)

30.(+) Samson Ebukam (Colts)

29.(+) DeMarcus Walker (Bears)

28.(+) Zach Sieler (Dolphins)

27.(19) Jerry Hughes (Texans)

26.(11) Chase Young (Commanders)

25.(+) Chandler Jones (Raiders)

24.(+) Kenny Clark (Packers)

23.(35) Kwity Paye (Colts)

22.(+) Zach Allen (Broncos)

21.(+) Carl Granderson (Saints)

20.(34) Deatrich Wise Jr. (Patriots)

19.(+) Aidan Hutchinson (Lions)

18.(33) Gregory Rousseau (Bills)

17.(23) Sam Hubbard (Bengals)

16.(24) Josh Sweat (Eagles)

15.(15) Denico Autry (Titans)

14.(6) DeMarcus Lawrence (Cowboys)

13.(9) Leonard Williams (Giants)

12.(14) John Franklin-Myers (Jets)

11.(16) Montez Sweat (Commanders)

10.(8) Calias Campbell (Falcons)

9.(21) Brandon Graham (Eagles)

8.(2) Cameron Jordan (Saints)

7.(4) Von Miller (Bills)

6.(+) Za'Darius Smith (Browns)

5.(5) Trey Hendrickson (Bengals)

4.(+) Micah Parsons (Cowboys)

3.(+) Maxx Crosby (Raiders)

2.(1) Myles Garrett (Browns)

1.(3) Nick Bosa (49ers)

Live Action Transformers Movies Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank franchises or filmographies from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week in honor of the release of "Transformers: Rise of the Beasts", I'm ranking all 6 Live-Action Transformers movies. 

6.Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014):

Age of Extinction is such an exhausting, overlong and painfully stupid movie that by the time some cool shit actually happens (dino Transformers show up), I was too beaten down by what came before it to actually care.

Grade: D+ 

5.Transformers: The Last Knight (2017): 

The Last Knight has a completely incomprehensible plot and Michael Bay seems to have completely lost interest in making Transformers movies by the time the second half of this 2.5+ hour affair rolls around, but seeing Anthony Hopkins fully commit to playing a weird little man who has been entrusted to be the secretive head of all Autobot/Human relations, Jerrod Carmichael take over the bit comedic relief character role from T.J Miller and an insane opening scene where the Autobots fight alongside King Arthur, Merlin and Lancelot make it slightly better than Age of Extinction.

Grade: D+

4.Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009):

Is Revenge of the Fallen the clear worst entry of the Shia LaBeouf-era Transformers films? Easily. The story centered around LaBeouf's Sam Witwicky getting robot symbols embedded into his brain after touching a shard of the AllSpark Cube-which indirectly makes him the key for the Deceptions to find a device that will harvest Earth's energy to blow up the Sun in order to re-build their home of Cybertron is an unintentionally funny mess and the bursts of racism, sexism and weird, pervy shit that routinely makes its way onto the screen will forever live in infamy. With all that being said, it never even sniffs the dumpster that both Mark Wahlberg-led entries were bred in-mostly because Michael Bay keeps the energy level high and the action sequences manage to pop more than they did in the original.        

Grade: C

3.Transformers (2007):

When I was 15, this was literally one of my favorite movies. 16 years later, I barely still have a positive opinion about it. There's far too time much spent on establishing the bland backstory of Sam Witwicky's grandfather accidentally making contact with the frozen corpse of Megatron in the 1930's and exploring the US military fallout of discovering there's an alien robotic race roaming the Earth and not nearly enough watching said robots fight each others. The final act is solid, the effects have held up great and the scene where the Autobots are trying (and failing) to hide outside of the Witwicky family home is legitimately very funny, but other than that, it's kind of just stuck in neutral.  

Grade: B-

2.Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011):

For as painfully flawed as Transformers: Dark of the Moon is (the less said about the plot, the performances of Rosie Huntington-Whitley and Patrick Dempsey and the bathroom scene with Ken Jeong and LaBeouf the better), the 45-minute final battle in downtown Chicago is by far the biggest, baddest action spectacle that the live-action Transformers delivered thus far. If Bay had delivered dazzling, show-stopping setpieces like this more often, these movies could've been way more fun. 

Grade: B-

1.Bumblebee (2018):

 A change in tone, stakes and approach was desperately needed after 5 not-so-great entries from Bay. Bumblebee understood what was being asked of it and director Travis Knight (Kubo and the Two Strings) and writer Christina Hodson (Birds of Prey) delivered the goods. Turning a story of Optimus Prime's top lieutenant Bumblebee's early days on Earth after he loses his voice in a battle with Decepticons into an E.T.-esque story about him forming a bond with a young woman (Hailee Stenfield) whose become distant after her father passed away is an inspired reinvention that is full of heart, laughs and sincere odes to 80's cheese. It would've been a home run if the action beats lived up to the standard Bay set with his movies, but it's still a great little movie and the clear standout of the live-action Transformers franchise to date.  

Grade: B+

Quick Movie Reviews: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, The Boogeyman, Sanctuary

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse: Just a masterclass in delivering a sequel that raises the stakes and expands the scope of its universe while doubling down on what made the original great. No matter how many new characters it introduces (Spider-Man 2099, Spider-Woman, Spider-Punk, Spider-Man India, new antagonist The Spot-voiced by Oscar Isaac, Issa Rae, Daniel Kaluuya, Karan Soni and Jason Schwartzman respectively) or worlds it explores, Across the Spider-Verse is still anchored by Miles Morales' (Shameik Moore) and Gwen Stacy's (Hailee Steinfeld) individual quests for identity, purpose and carving out their own definition of heroism amid pressure to conform to the strict code of those who came before them as well how their separate but parallel journeys manage to affect their own relationship. 

These character arcs also happened to be seamlessly intertwined into the most lively, interesting and emotionally-grounded portrayal of the multiverse that we've seen in a Marvel property. Much like the Daniels did on Everything Everywhere All at Once, the way to get the most out of this universe-hopping concept is to spend more time focusing on how these potentially catastrophic alterations to space and time can affect the humans at the center of it instead of getting really bogged down with the pseudo-scientific mechanics that make the practice possible. Humanity is the secret sauce that is at the center of nearly all great superhero works and Spider-Verse's emphasis on valuing the people underneath the Spider suits over their web-slinging powers is the best thing about these movies (along with the mind-blowing animation, that is somewhat even more richly detailed, completely distinct and just plain beautiful-of course). Fingers crossed that Beyond the Spider-Verse can keep its current March 2024 release date because I'd love to return to this world as soon as possible.         

Grade: A-

The Boogeyman: Execution being more important than originality in the world of film and television is a philosophy that I deeply believe in. Rob Savage's The Boogeyman is the latest piece of cinematic art to fall under this umbrella. This feature adaptation of a 1973 short story by Stephen King overcomes its paper thin exploration of grief and a familiar pattern of jump scares that don't always deliver their intended jolts by being a well-crafted supernatural horror flick that's able to build an immersive world where evil is lurking in the darkness waiting to strike while its prey is at its most vulnerable. Through its excellent use of lighting/shadows and sound (or lack thereof), Savage, cinematographer Eli Born and editor Peter Gvozdas construct a string of creepy sequences that slowly gives the audience closer looks at the titular creature to build up intrigue/fear before finally unleashing the monster in all its grotesque glory in the final act, the leading duo of Sophie Thatcher and Viven Lyra Blair-who play sisters that are reeling from the recent death of their mother and the cold, distant behavior their therapist father (Chris Messina) has displayed in the aftermath-do a good job of conveying the pain of the loss of their mother and the fear of experiencing more loss at the hands of this bloodthirsty supernatural entity despite the bare-bones nature of the writing and the ending, while not exactly tragic, is an effectively sobering reminder that the fight against whatever specific demons an individual or family faces following a tragedy is one that is never really over and must be waged every single day. Disney deserves credit for giving a movie that's driven by its technical prowess and mood a proper theatrical release/push since The Boogeyman just wouldn't have played as well at home.    

Grade: B

Sanctuary: Sanctuary is like if a heavyweight prize fight took place between two people that seek to eviscerate the other while also wanting to bang the shit out of them. Christopher Abbott and Margaret Qualley provide ample psychosexual fireworks as they aggressively flirt, toy with and attempt to humiliate each other inside of a swanky Denver hotel suite for 95 minutes as they battle for the upper hand in a business break-up gone horribly wrong. The shifts in the power dynamics rapidly flip back and forth until it reaches a wild conclusion that makes perfect narrative sense, the active camerawork adds a dash of style to the proceedings without sacrificing any of the relative claustrophobia that the setting provides and Abbott and Qualley remind the world why they're two of the most exciting yet unsung actors working today by fearlessly submitting themselves to the sick, sexy rhythm of this darkly comedic thriller and producing two of the most commanding performances of their careers thus far as a result. If this sounds appealing to you, be sure to rush out and see it before it gets booted out of the non NYC/LA theaters that it just got released into within the next 10 days.          

Grade: B+

Chris Messina Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Chris Messina-whose latest project "The Boogeyman" releases in theaters tonight.

Chris Messina's Filmography Ranked:

15.Like Crazy (F)

14.Ruby Sparks (D+)

13.Julie & Julia (C)

12.Devil (C+)

11.Call Jane (B-)

10.Celeste and Jesse Forever (B-)

9.Cake (B-)

8.Away We Go (B)

7.Vicky Christina Barcelona (B)

6.Live by Night (B)

5.I Care a Lot (B+)

4.Air (B+)

3.Argo (B+)

2.Rounders (A-)

1.Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (A)

Top Dog: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)

At a time where connected universes, multiverses, etc. are the primary way that superhero stories are told, Birds of Prey serves as a refreshing reminder of how these movies are often at their best when their content with being a standalone feature. Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn spin-off models the personality of its erratic heroine with an explosion of bright colors, chaotic non-linear storytelling and hyperactive energy that never lets up for a second. I truly believe that Birds of Prey is easily one of the biggest triumphs in the genre of late and it sucks that Robbie, writer Christina Hodson and director Cathy Yan aren't going to get the chance to make more of these.  

Bottom Feeder: Like Crazy (2011)

A stacked ensemble cast headlined by Anton Yelchin, Felicity Jones, Jennifer Lawrence and Messina can't do a damn thing to make Like Crazy's strange, obnoxious combination of cliched romantic melodrama and exhausting arthouse bullshit even the slightest bit more palatable. 

Most Underrated: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)

Breakneck pacing, electric, inventive fight scenes that set a new high bar for superhero action scenes that has yet to be cleared or matched and some excellent performances (Margot Robbie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Jurnee Smollett, Ewan McGregor) that fit the movie's cartoonish maximalist style perfectly makes Birds of Prey a ton of fun to watch.

Most Overrated: Ruby Sparks (2012)

Is this a reach? Probably, yes. Ruby Sparks wasn't a huge commercial hit and it's unlikely that too many non-diehard Letterboxd users have discussed this movie recently. However, Julie & Julia is far too innocuous of a crowdpleaser dramedy for me to view it as overrated and I loathed this pretty acclaimed Garden State-adjacent quirkfest about a sad sack writer (Paul Dano) whose romantic woes are solved when a character he created/fell in love with (Zoe Kazan) suddenly makes the leap from the page to the real world. The frequent attempts to mine laughs and charm out of this pretty creepy depressed hipster wish fulfillment fantasy plot all fail miserably and this unpleasant 1-2 punch makes Ruby Sparks a grating watch that only becomes more painful as it progresses.