2024 NFL Awards+All-Pro Team and Pro Football Hall of Fame Class of 2025 Predictions

MVP: Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

The "Lamar Jackson won MVP last year, so somebody else should get it this year" narrative that's popped up recently is insane to me. To cross sports for a second, the NBA writers did that when they voted for Joel Embiid over Nikola Jokic for MVP following the 2022-23 season despite Jokic having a very strong case to win it for a 3rd straight year and people have understandably shit all over them for it ever since. Going against Jackson this year is particularly ridiculous since you're going to have a really hard time finding people that feel he was better in his 2 previous MVP campaigns than he was in 2024.

While having the unstoppable force that is Derrick Henry in the backfield made things a bit easier for him to make plays, the extra attention defenses paid to Henry can't be used as an excuse to write off Jackson's continued improvement as a passer in Todd Monken's system (4,172 YDS, 41 TD's, 66.7 CMP%-the former two of which are new career highs) and as a decisionmaker that allowed him to take just 23 sacks and throw 4 INT's-which is his lowest total since his rookie year in 2018 where he only started 7 games. On top of that, Jackson added 915 YDS and 4 TD's on only 139 rushing attempts-which made him the league leader in YDS per carry for the 4th time in his career. He's still going to invite (and deserve) criticism for not getting the job done in the playoffs, but he's become the dominant all-around QB that so many people around the league doubted he could be and it's awesome to witness.  Honorable Mentions: Joe Burrow (Bengals), Josh Allen (Bills), Jayden Daniels (Commanders)

Offensive Player of the Year: Saquon Barkley (Eagles)

Barkley deciding to leave the wasteland of the Giants organization behind to play for the Eagles is the smartest professional decision he's ever made. Getting the opportunity to play behind a dominant offensive line and being able to stay healthy for a full season for just the 3rd time in his 7 NFL seasons allowed the star back to thrive like he never has before-rushing for a ridiculous 2,005 YDS and 13 TD's on 345 attempts (a whopping 5.8 YDS per carry, which is Madden-type shit for an RB that's getting such high volume). His 33/278/2 receiving line was the cherry on top of this dream season where his contributions were essential in getting the Eagles back to the Super Bowl.    

Honorable Mentions: Derrick Henry (Ravens), Ja'Marr Chase (Bengals), Josh Jacobs (Packers)

Defensive Player of the Year: Zack Baun (Eagles)

Patrick Surtain II is the heavy favorite to take home the real DPOY award tonight and if that comes to be, he's a completely deserving winner. He was the best corner in the NFL this season by a wide margin and was the main reason the Broncos defense was such a pain in the ass to face most weeks. The reason I'm not going with Surtain II here is the Broncos pass defense finished 19th in the league because everybody else in the Broncos secondary besides Surtain and safety Brandon Jones kind of stunk, which made opposing offenses look elsewhere most of the time they threw (Surtain was only targeted 62 times in 16 games). Baun, on the other hand, was a frequent standout on the top defense in the league. DC Vic Fangio asked him to do everything a linebacker could possibly be asked to do over the course of each game (cover tight ends/backs in the passing game, rush the passer, play the run, etc.) and he handled the challenge beautifully-racking up 151 tackles, 3.5 sacks, 11 TFL's, 5 QB hits, 4 passes defensed, 5 forced fumbles, a fumble recovery and an INT.  Major kudos to GM Howie Roseman for recognizing's Baun's talent in free agency this offseason despite his relative lack of starting experience (only 16 games!) over his 4 seasons with the Saints.       

Honorable Mentions: Trey Hendrickson (Bengals), Myles Garrett (Browns), Patrick Surtain II (Broncos)

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Jayden Daniels (Commanders)

No award was easier to pick a recipient of than this one. Daniels demonstrated a poise well beyond his years and an electrifying dynamism as he carried the Commanders from the bottom of the league all the way to the NFC Championship Game. If he can stay healthy, the future is unbelievably bright for this kid. 

Honorable Mentions: Brock Bowers (Raiders), Malik Nabers (Giants), Brian Thomas Jr. (Jaguars)

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Jared Verse (Rams)

The first Rams first round pick since 2016 is looking to be a really good one. While his sack total wasn't eye-popping (4.5), Verse managed to generate pressures (77-which ranked 4th among all edge rushers), hurries (56-2nd) and hits (15-5th) on the QB at an elite clip. He also proved to be an asset against the run, making 35 stops in the backfield over 17 games.    

Honorable Mentions: Quinyon Mitchell (Eagles), Kamari Lassiter (Texans), Cooper DeJean (Eagles)

Coach of the Year: Kevin O'Connell (Vikings)

The complete unraveling that took place during their Week 18 and Wild Card losses to the Lions and Rams respectively have managed to overshadow what was an otherwise masterful season for O'Connell. Not only did he finally unlock Sam Darnold's franchise QB potential after the USC product who was selected 3rd overall in the 2018 draft bounced around the league over the past 6 seasons, he had this team playing sound, smart football that allowed them to pick up wins in a variety of ways and finish the regular season with a 14-3 record that would've earned them prime playoff seeding if they weren't in the same division as the 15-2 Lions. 

Honorable Mentions: Dan Quinn (Commanders), Jim Harbaugh (Chargers), Sean McVay (Rams)

Comeback Player of the Year: Joe Burrow (Bengals)

Watching Burrow repeatedly shake his surgically repaired wrist on the bench to keep it loose between drives during the Bengals embarrassing Week 1 loss to the Patriots made it seem like he was in trouble for the 2024 season. The opposite ended up being true as Burrow probably would've had the best case (4,918 YDS, 43 TD's, 9 INT's, 70.6 CMP%) to challenge Lamar Jackson for MVP if the Bengals had been able to make it to the playoffs, which is an incredible thing for a QB coming off a serious injury to his throwing hand to accomplish.  

Honorable Mentions: Sam Darnold (Vikings), Christian Gonzalez (Patriots), J.K. Dobbins (Chargers) 

All-Pro Teams:

Quarterback:

1st team: Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

2nd team: Joe Burrow (Bengals)

Running Back:

1st team: Saquon Barkley (Eagles), Derrick Henry (Ravens)

2nd team: Josh Jacobs (Packers), Bijan Robinson (Falcons)

Wide Receiver:

1st team: Ja'Marr Chase (Bengals), Justin Jefferson (Vikings)

2nd team: Amon-Ra St. Brown (Lions), Drake London (Falcons)

Tight End:

1st team: George Kittle (49ers)

2nd team: Brock Bowers (Raiders)

Tackle:

1st team: Jordan Mailata (Eagles), Zach Tom (Packers)

2nd team: Rashawn Slater (Chargers), Penei Sewell (Lions)

Guard:

1st team: Chris Lindstrom (Falcons), Kevin Zeitler (Lions)

2nd team: Quenton Nelson (Colts), Quinn Minerz (Broncos)

Center:

1st team: Creed Humphrey (Chiefs)

2nd team: Frank Ragnow (Lions)

Defensive End:

1st team: Myles Garrett (Browns), Trey Hendrickson (Bengals)

2nd team: Nick Bosa (49ers), Leonard Williams (Seahawks)

Defensive Tackle:

1st team: Cameron Heyward (Steelers), Chris Jones (Chiefs)

2nd team: Jeffrey Simmons (Titans), Dexter Lawrence (Giants)

Outside Linebacker:

1st team: T.J. Watt (Steelers), Jonathan Greenard (Vikings)

2nd team: Jared Verse (Rams), Khalil Mack (Chargers)

Inside Linebacker:

1st team: Zack Baun (Eagles), Fred Warner (49ers)

2nd team: Bobby Wagner (Commanders), Jordyn Brooks (Dolphins)

Cornerback:

1st team: Patrick Surtain II (Broncos), Trent McDuffie (Chiefs)

2nd team: Christian Benford (Bills), Marlon Humphrey (Ravens)

Safety:

1st team: Kerby Joseph (Lions), Xavier McKinney (Packers)

2nd team: Kyle Hamilton (Ravens), Brandon Jones (Broncos)

Kicker:

1st team: Chris Boswell (Steelers)

2nd team: Cameron Dicker (Chargers)

Punter:

1st team: Jack Fox (Lions)

2nd team: Logan Cooke (Jaguars)

Return Specialist:

1st team: KaVontae Turpin (Cowboys), Marvin Mims Jr. (Broncos)

2nd team: Austin Ekeler (Commanders), Kalif Raymond (Lions)

Special Teamer:

1st team: Brenden Schooler (Patriots)

2nd team: J.T. Gray (Saints)

Pro Football Hall of Fame Class of 2025 Predictions:

Jared Allen, defensive end (Teams: Kansas City Chiefs, Minnesota Vikings, Chicago Bears, Carolina Panthers)

Willie Anderson, tackle (Teams: Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens)

Antonio Gates, tight end (Team: San Diego/Los Angeles Chargers)

Torry Holt, wide receiver (Teams: St. Louis Rams, Jacksonville Jaguars)

Darren Woodson, safety (Team: Dallas Cowboys)

Who I'd Vote for If I Had a Ballot: 

Jared Allen

Antonio Gates

Torry Holt

Luke Kuechly, inside linebacker (Team: Carolina Panthers) 

Marshal Yanda, guard (Team: Baltimore Ravens)

Movie Review: You're Cordially Invited

You're Cordially Invited-an R-rated comedy from veteran writer/director Nicholas Stoller (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Bros) that debuted on Prime Video last Thursday-has a uniquely depressing quality to it that's akin to watching a failed attempt at building a superteam in professional sports. There's an insane amount of proven talent here from the top of the call sheet (Will Ferrell, Reese Witherspoon) all the way down to the bottom of its deep roster of supporting players (Geraldine Viswanathan, Meredith Hagner, Jimmy Tatro, Celia Weston, Rory Scovel, Jack McBrayer) working with a premise that's a potential situational comedy gold mine (a quaint hotel in Palmetto Island, Georgia accidentally books two weddings for the same weekend-causing squabbling and chaos galore among the wedding parties as they struggle to share the venue's limited space), the finished product is just never able to get off the ground. Most of the gags either fall flat or are repeated to the point where their comedy value wastes away entirely, the final act is a bizarre, completely unexpected tonal mishmash that is neither sweet, romantic or emotional and outside of a brief moment here and there, the entire cast kind of just flails around as they struggle to elevate the aggressively mediocre material Stoller handed to them. It's a rough sight to see a project with so many funny people in it struggle to get laughs-particularly in an era where comedies have become so scarce, but that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.  

The good news for team You're Cordially Invited is that unlike the inevitable downer ending of a pro athlete's career, they'll have an opportunity to prove that time hasn't dulled their gifts. They just need to seek out and/or craft better material before they commit to making another comedy that's as average as this and I have faith in all of their abilities to do so. Now, don't make me look like a buffoon for believing that you're all above being involved in such a blah movie, damn it!           

Grade: C

Movie Review: Companion

If you've been able to avoid the marketing for Warner Brothers' new darkly comedy romantic thriller Companion, try and continue to do so before seeing it. This is a movie that really benefits from going in completely blind. If you have seen previews or commercials for it, don't fret too much. While the final trailer does reveal a key plot development, this revelation comes pretty early on in the movie and there are a ton of surprises that follow it. 

Now that the obligatorily preamble is out of the way, I can say that Companion is a super fun movie. Writer/director Drew Hancock has complete command over his vision as he deftly combines multiple genres and knows exactly when to bring the social commentary that's tethered to this crazy little violent story to the forefront while the small ensemble cast (Sophie Thatcher, Jack Quaid, Lukas Gage, Megan Suri, Harvey Guillen, Rupert Friend) dive headfirst into the constantly shifting tones and character dynamics that the script offers up. There are some contrivances that creep their way into the story, but this movie is too bloody, funny and fast-moving for these key plot-advancing moments to be anything more than minor hiccups. If you have any interest in seeing Companion, please do so before some inconsiderate prick spoils it for you.            

Grade: B+

Movie Review: Back in Action

 

What about Back in Action could've possibly inspired Cameron Diaz to end her decade-long hiatus from acting? The paycheck? While I'm sure it was nice, the odds that she's refused several big money offers over the past 10 years are high. An itch to return to the spy action comedy genre after Knight and Day? Perhaps! The opportunity to work with Jamie Foxx again? Honestly, this could very well be the main reason why as they have a good professional relationship that dates all the way back to 1999's Any Given Sunday. Regardless of what inspired Diaz to return to the profession that made her an international superstar, making Back in Action the launching off point for the second era of her screen career is a real head-scratcher since it's one of those duds that announces itself quickly and only gets worse as it limps to the finish line.

Back in Action is the next prime addition to the robust roster of blockbuster garbage that Netflix has put together since their commitment to producing their own films intensified back in 2017. The premise of a retired spy couple (Foxx, Diaz) being forced to return to the high stakes espionage life they left behind to start a family after becoming the unwitting stars of a viral video that reveals to their enemies that they aren't dead after all fits the streaming giant's signature mold of movies that were conceived exclusively by a boardroom full of bean-counting buffoons with zero creative instincts after being shown a chart of what titles did well on their service in recent years so perfectly that's actually hilarious. The action is chopped up to shit to conceal the fact that stunt doubles are handling the fights. 90% of the comedy consists of over-the-top product placement and jokes about hacky shit like "boomers", 'the cloud" and Glenn Close-who plays Diaz's estranged mother-dating a much younger man (Jamie Demetriou). A seemingly happy ending for the protagonists is abruptly interrupted by a sequel tease right before the end credits start rolling. Just a complete and total masterclass in algorithmic box-checking that Ted Sarandos should (and probably will) gloat about to every one of his cronies for the rest of 2025.     

Netflix's dedication to following their blueprint isn't at all surprising at this point. Making movies designed to be half watched while the viewer is regularly looking away from whatever screen it's playing on works for them since they can tout the strength of their meaningless viewership data to their shareholders on their quarterly earnings calls. But that doesn't make their signature approach any less embarrassing. They're shepherding in an entire new era of disengaged, unenthused viewers with their refusal to put together movies that have even the slightest interest in remaining in the cultural zeitgeist for more than five fucking minutes and if the death of cinema that cinephile alarmists have feared over the past several years ever materializes, these anti-creative bozos will be the ones holding the knife.

Whatever limited goodwill Back in Action picks up along the way solely rests on the shoulders of Diaz and Foxx-whose solid rapport provides just enough life to the thoroughly bland proceedings to elevate it from completely unbearable to almost completely unbearable. While thinking about how doomed this project would've been without them at the helm is a scary thought, they also would've been better off finding another project to reunite on. We're talking about two charismatic industry vets with names that can still attract eyeballs here. There had to be a better script for them out there than the unfunny, generic spy farce crap that writer/director Seth Gordon (Identity Thief, Horrible Bosses) and his co-writer Brendan O'Brien (Neighbors, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates) upchucked onto the page here. Now that Diaz is confirmed to be fully back in the swing of acting again (she's already completed production on the Jonah Hill-helmed dark comedy Outcome for Apple and will be returning to voice Princess Fiona in Shrek 5), maybe they can find something legitimately worthwhile for their next collaboration.                       

Grade: D+

Meredith Hagner Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Meredith Hagner-whose latest project "You're Cordially Invited" releases on Prime Video on Thursday.

Meredith Hagner's Filmography Ranked:

10.Brightburn (C-)

9.The Oath (C)

8.Irrational Man (C)

7.Vacation Friends 2 (B-)

6.Vacation Friends (B-)

5.Horse Girl (B-)

4.Joy Ride (B)

3.Set It Up (B)

2.Palm Springs (B+)

1.Ingrid Goes West (A)

Top Dog: Ingrid Goes West (2017)

As a biting satire of influencer culture and the facade of happiness that social media helps cultivate, Ingrid Goes West has aged exceptionally well since it was released nearly 8 years ago. The leaders of the ensemble cast (Aubrey Plaza, Elizabeth Olsen, O'Shea Jackson Jr., Wyatt Russell, Billy Magnussen) all deliver powerhouse performances, the script is sharp and hilarious, and the ending is a perfect albeit depressing encapsulation of the damage these fucking apps have done to people's psyches.  

Bottom Feeder: Brightburn (2019)

"What if Superman turned out to be evil" is an intriguing hook for a horror-driven take on the superhero genre. Unfourtnately, that great premise is completely wasted here. Outside of some gnarly gore in the second half, Brightburn doesn't do much right as budgetary constraints and silly, half-baked script from James Gunn's brother Brian and cousin Mark prevent the film from taking advantage of its cool setup.    

Most Underrated: Ingrid Goes West (2017)

As the longtime leader of the Ingrid Goes West fan club, all I'll say here that I didn't say above is that I believe that this film is a masterpiece and hope more people will check it out in the future.

Most Overrated: Joy Ride (2023)

While this is admittedly a bit unfair since Joy Ride completely bombed at the box office, I elected to put it here as the film generated a ton of critical buzz following its premiere at SXSW a few months before it was released. Adele Lim's buddy road comedy flys high at times with its string of hilarious vulgar gags and main cast (Ashley Park, Sherry Colla, Stephanie Hsu, Sabrina Wu) that complements each other perfectly, but ends up falling short of the greatness it regularly flirts with courtesy of an inconsistent joke hit rate outside of its bigger, more outrageous moments and dramatic final act that fails to generate its intended emotional impact.  

Top 10 Movie Action Sequences of 2024

Honorable Mentions:

"Zero Gravity"-Alien: Romulus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lNhzNLtmdY

"Jason Statham Disrupts Classy Function"-The Beekeeper

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg_sBVZZIQE

"Bathroom Fight"-Monkey Man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6TlNx-Cex4

"Final Fight"-The Shadow Strays

Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_238SZnMSwE

Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tANu4OgZfb4

"Rodeo/Motel Evacuation"-Twisters

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYnytCW0sT0

10.“The Battle of Numidia”-Gladiator II

This glorious battle sequence from the beginning of Gladiator II is a reminder to appreciate just how absurdly good Ridley Scott is at handling large-scale action while we still can.    

9.“Car Fight”-Carry-On

Both in and outside of the context of the film, this scene is completely whiplash-inducing as the constantly rotating camera, barrage of CGI car crashes happening in the background and inherent claustrophobia that comes with having a fight scene take place inside of a moving car makes it a true chaotic feast for the senses. Once I was able to take a breath and really focus in on what was going on, I was kind of blown away by the creativity and intensity of this scene and how it helped set the stage for the excellent second half of the film that elevated Carry-On to essential B-action thriller status.  

8.“Night Club Fight”-The Fall Guy

While picking such a short, small-scale scene from a movie that is full of huge stunts feels kind of wrong, I just love the way the effects of the hallucinogenic drug that Ryan Gosling's character had his drink spiked with are worked into the fight. Plus, the cinematography from Jonathan Sela is slick as hell here.       

7.“Dev Patel Escapes from Police Custody”-Monkey Man

What a frantic, unpredictable delight of an escape scene that makes great use of Patel's character's physical limitations and desire to avoid going to jail at all costs.       

6.“War Rig Assault”-Furiosa

The primary reason that I'm such a vocal opponent of Mad Mad: Fury Road is that the action is choppily edited and completely devoid of standout moments. George Miller solved that problem in a major way with the prequel Furiosa. This insane 17-minute sequence in which a rogue group attacks a "war rig" (for those unfamiliar with Mad Max, it's basically just a heavily armed supply tanker that's used to carry gas through the desert) has the crisp construction, epic scale and prolonged excitement that Fury Road lacked.     

5.“Opera House Massacre”-The Crow

There's not a ton of action in The Crow remake as the film spends quite a bit of time focusing on building up the tragic relationship between Eric Draven (Bill Skarsgard) and Shelley Webster (FKA twigs) before it delves into the supernatural revenge/vigilante elements of the story. However, once the action revs up at the start of the final act, we're treated to this spectacular splatterfest that makes the wait for the bodies to start dropping well worth it.       

4.“Club Fight”-The Shadow Strays

The blistering speed of the choreography, fluidity of the editing and unflinching brutality of the carnage on display is what makes Timo Tjahjanto one of the most impressive action directors working today. He finally got the opportunity to make the jump over to American cinema with Nobody 2-which is currently set to release in August-and I'll be curious to see how much of his style he applied to an effort that will inevitably be much less hardcore than what he's been making in Indonesia over the past 15 years.    

3.“Elevator Fight”-Bad Boys: Ride or Die

Shooting this fight from outside the elevator as its descending is an absolutely badass stylistic flourish that further elevates the intensity of this pivotal scene that sets the final act of Bad Boys: Ride or Die into motion.  

2.“Night Club Fight”-Monkey Man

Tired: How did Brady Corbet make The Brutalist for roughly $10 million?

Wired: How did Dev Patel make an action movie full of fight scenes as visceral, explosive and elaborately choreographed as this for $10 million?  

1.“Abandoned Alligator Park Showdown”-Bad Boys: Ride or Die

A truly insane highlight reel that showcases the unreal amount of juice Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah possess as action filmmakers. Everything from the first-person shooting sequences to the room-spanning drone shots to the various explosions from various causes that occur are seamlessly stitched together to create this consistently inventive, exhilarating blast of action movie nirvana that ended Bad Boys: Ride or Die on the highest note possible. If Kevin Feige doesn't approach them to direct the MCU Blade movie, he's making a huge mistake.      

NFL Conference Championship Predictions

Divisional Round Record: 2-2 (Correct: Chiefs, Eagles Incorrect: Lions, Ravens)

Overall Playoff Record: 6-4

Philadelphia Eagles over Washington Commanders:

Picking against the Commanders has served me so well the past two weeks, so why stop now?! As impressive as Jayden Daniels and co. looked last week, their flurry of takeaways made up for an otherwise horrendous defensive performance where the Lions moved the ball down field with ease and even if the Eagles passing game continues to falter with a clearly injured Jalen Hurts under center, the Saquon Barkley-led rushing attack should be able to do what they need to do to dominate the time of possession battle-especially with the extra motivation Barkley is likely to have after being inexplicably bottled up by them in the second half of their absurd Week 16 meeting in which the Commanders won after erasing 2 separate 4th quarter deficits despite turning the ball over 5 times. On top of that, the Eagles defense is the first group the Commanders have faced during this run that isn't depleted by injuries (although the health of rookie corner Quinyon Mitchell will be worth watching today after he exited last week's win over the Rams with a shoulder ailment)  and with right guard Sam Cosmi-who is their best lineman by far- now out for the season after tearing his ACL against the Lions, they could have some serious trouble dealing with the Eagles interior defensive line led by Jalen Carter that thwarted the Rams efforts to pull off a comeback win last week.      

Kansas City Chiefs over Buffalo Bills:

The Bills have largely outplayed the Chiefs this season and even handed them their only real loss of the regular season back in Week 11. It's just that on this high leverage stage; I have a far greater trust in the Chiefs ability to execute than the Bills. While they generally play the Chiefs close, the Bills are 0-3 against them in the playoffs during the Andy Reid/Patrick Mahomes-era and despite all the conspiracies about officiating bailing out the Chiefs being the catalyst for their victories, the reality is they've been able to make plays in crunch time that the Bills simply haven't. Maybe that changes today as the Chiefs are the most vulnerable they've been since 2020 when their dogshit offensive line and secondary caused them to get smacked by the Bucs in the Super Bowl thanks to their middling offense, I just won't believe that the Bills are capable of walking into Arrowhead and playing well enough to advance to their 1st Super Bowl in 32 years until it actually happens.