Predator Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best. This week, I'm profiling the "Predator" franchise ahead of Friday's release of "Prey" on Hulu.

6.Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007):

There was a pretty widespread belief ahead of its release that Requiem would be an improvement over the previous Alien vs. Predator movie because it was rated R and could deliver the gore that its predecessor didn't have. Many of these people (myself included) that had this take deeply regretted it once they actually laid their eyes on Requiem. As flawed as Alien vs. Predator was, at least it had competent production values and a cast occupied by professional actors opposed to this cheap, shoddily constructed piece of shit. How a major studio movie released in the year 2007 could be so poorly lit, shot and edited is borderline unfathomable as is the fact its hack directors-who are credited as The Brothers Strause-were given major studio money to direct another movie (the even worse 2010 sci-fi flick Skyline) after this display of gross ineptitude. A few cool moments of gore are the only thing preventing this from falling to the absolute bottom of the shit pile.

Grade: D

5.Alien vs. Predator (2004):

Despite Requiem doing wonders to help improve its standing, Alien vs. Predator still isn't a particularly good movie. The direction from the normally stylish, chaotic Paul W.S. Anderson (Event Horizon, most of the Milla Jovovich Resident Evil franchise) is shockingly flat, the story which involves the exploration of an Arctic pyramid is dumb without being much fun and the lack of gore feels downright odd for the mashup of two franchises that are synonymous with people meeting graphic, disgusting ends. 

Grade: C-

4.Predator 2 (1990):

Despite its noble effort to not simply rehash the original, Predator 2's failure to create its own form of magic causes it to stumble as a sequel. Danny Glover is no Arnold Schwarzenegger, Downtown Los Angeles isn't a particularly exciting hunting ground for the title character and Stephen Hopkins didn't direct with the claustrophobic tension or general panache that John McTiernan brought to the original. With all of that being said, it wouldn't surprise me at all if time was kind to this one. All of the sequels/spin-offs that followed this didn't share much of the original DNA's either and a couple of them are films that I actually enjoy a good amount. 

Grade: C

3.The Predator (2018):

Count me as a member of the small club that thinks The Predator is not only overhated, but actually quite entertaining. Outside of its clunky, bizarrely slow opening 30 minutes, The Predator is a funny, gory and self-aware piece of unapologetic dumb fun that sees Shane Black successfully recapturing the essence of his 80's/90's buddy action comedy blockbusters (Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout, The Long Kiss Goodnight). 

Grade: B+

2.Predators (2010): 

Courtesy of its clever concept (predators kidnap an array of killers to hunt on their home planet), emphasis on building tension and number of strong performances from a quietly stacked ensemble cast (Adrien Brody, Alice Braga, Topher Grace, Walton Goggins, Laurence Fishburne, a pre-stardom Mahershala Ali), Predators cements itself as the clear standout among the Predator follow ups thus far.

Grade: B+

1.Predator (1987):

Predator is such a special movie. The way that it combines genres (action, horror, sci-fi), generates suspense through the isolated claustrophobia of its remote jungle setting and sets up an epic showdown of wits between elite hunters is downright masterful. CGI and practical effects work in tandem to create this badass alien species that uses its environment to stalk and kill its prey.  Arnold Schwarzenegger brings enough charisma to the lead role of Dutch to fill 12 movies. And above all, every frame of this movie is exciting, unique and cool as hell.  

Grade: A