2025 NFL Mock Draft (3/31)

1.Tennessee Titans: Cam Ward, quarterback (Miami)

2.Cleveland Browns: Sheduer Sanders, quarterback (Colorado)

3.New York Giants: Travis Hunter, cornerback/wide receiver (Colorado)

4.New England Patriots: Abdul Carter, edge rusher (Penn State)

5.Jacksonville Jaguars: Mason Graham, defensive tackle (Michigan)

6.Las Vegas Raiders: Ashton Jeanty, running back (Boise State)

7.New York Jets: Armand Membou, tackle (Missouri)

8.Carolina Panthers: Shemar Stewart, edge rusher (Texas A&M)

9.New Orleans Saints: Jahdae Barron, cornerback (Texas)

10.Chicago Bears: Mike Green, edge rusher (Marshall)

11.San Francisco 49ers: Will Campbell, tackle/guard (LSU)

12.Dallas Cowboys: Jalon Walker, edge rusher/inside linebacker (Georgia)

13.Miami Dolphins: Kelvin Banks Jr., tackle/guard (Texas)

14.Indianapolis Colts: Tyler Warren, tight end (Penn State)

15.Atlanta Falcons: Tetairoa McMillan, wide receiver (Arizona)

16.Arizona Cardinals: Donovan Ezeiruaku, edge rusher (Boston College)

17.Cincinnati Bengals: Will Johnson, cornerback (Michigan)

18.Seattle Seahawks: Grey Zabel, tackle/guard (North Dakota State)

19.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Maxwell Hariston, cornerback (Kentucky)

20.Denver Broncos: Emeka Egbuka, wide receiver (Ohio State)

21.Pittsburgh Steelers: Trey Amos, cornerback (Ole Miss)

22.Los Angeles Chargers: Colston Loveland, tight end (Michigan)

23.Green Bay Packers: Josh Simmons, tackle (Ohio State) 

24.Minnesota Vikings: Tyler Booker, guard (Alabama)

25.Houston Texans: Josh Conerly, tackle (Oregon)

26.Los Angeles Rams: Jihaad Campbell, inside linebacker (Alabama)

27.Baltimore Ravens: Kenneth Grant, defensive tackle (Michigan)

28.Detroit Lions: Mykel Williams, edge rusher (Georgia)

29.Washington Commanders: Omarion Hampton, running back (North Carolina)

30.Buffalo Bills: Luther Burden III, wide receiver (Missouri)

31.Kansas City Chiefs: Walter Nolen, defensive tackle (Ole Miss)

32.Philadelphia Eagles: Malaki Starks, safety (Georgia)

2025 NFL Free Agency Recap: Winners and Losers, Best and Worst Deals and Best Players Still Available

Biggest Winners: Minnesota Vikings

Some tough decisions had to be made out in Minneapolis at the top of free agency. They had about a zillion impending free agents on both sides of the ball and had to choose whether they were going to commit to Sam Darnold or J.J. McCarthy-who is coming off a meniscus tear that cost him his entire rookie season- at QB moving forward. The guys that found themselves not being included in the Vikes long-term plans were Darnold and safety Cameron Bynum, which isn't completely shocking as they were the two impending free agents that were poised to get the most lucrative deals.

As tough as it was to cut ties with two key veteran pieces from their excellent 2024 team, the money that opened up from letting Darnold and Bynum walk away allowed the Vikings to add and retain more assets. They were able to bring back key contributors like #1 corner Byron Murphy, starting running back Aaron Jones and longtime team leader Harrison Smith, significantly upgrade the interior offensive line that got pummeled at the end of the season by replacing Ed Ingram and Garrett Bradbury with Will Fries and Ryan Kelly and add a pair of veteran bruisers to their interior defensive line in Jonathan Allen and Javon Hargrave. Kudos to Kwesi Adofo-Mensah for knowing what areas of the roster needed to be improved after a brutal ending to 2024 and doing what needed to be done to make these moves happen.  

Honorable Mentions: Los Angeles Rams, Chicago Bears, Washington Commanders  

Biggest Losers: Tennessee Titans

It's not exactly surprising that the Titans decided to take it relatively easy in free agency this year after last year's spending spree only drove them further into league's basement with a 3-14 finish that earned them the top pick in next month's draft. However, their use of the resources they did allocate to free agency this season is downright puzzling. 

About the only understandable move they made was not bringing in a high-profile veteran QB. Sam Darnold landing with the Seahawks to reunite with Klint Kubiak was a foregone conclusion once Geno Smith got traded to the Raiders, Justin Fields is a dart throw that they probably can't afford to make with Brian Callahan on the hot seat after a terrible rookie season and none of the older guys available on the market (Jameis Winston, Russell Wilson, Aaron Rodgers) or via trade (Kirk Cousins) make much sense for a team that seems much more ready to commit to a rebuild now than they were a year ago. They ended up settling for Brandon Allen as their new veteran backup, which makes sense since he was with Callahan with the Bengals for 3 seasons. Outside of that, their moves have been hard to justify. 

Overpaying for somebody like Dan Moore Jr (more on that in a minute) is a move that reeks of desperation to find a LT after Ronnie Stanley and Alaric Jackson re-upped with the Ravens and Rams before the legal tampering period began. Kevin Zeitler is one of the best guards in the league, but he just turned 35, is on a 1-year deal and probably won't feel compelled to stick around once the Titans inevitably stink again this year. Xavier Woods is a journeyman safety coming off back-to-back terrible seasons with the Panthers. Failing to retain Nick Westbrook-Ikhine in favor of signing Van Jefferson and James Proche has made an already lackluster WR corps even weaker. Cody Barton is a merely average inside linebacker who is only marginally better than last year's starter Kenneth Murray-who they traded to the Cowboys at the start of free agency. And last but not least, rolling the dice on Dre'Mont Jones and Lorenzo Carter-who were two of the most inefficient pass-rushers in the league last season-at edge after cutting ties with Harold Landry is arguably gridiron malpractice at a position that has given the Titans a lot of trouble for years now. We'll obviously have to wait and see how the draft shakes out before completely dogpiling on him, but it's hard to have any confidence that new GM Mike Borgonzi is going to turn this thing around based on what he's done so far in Nashville.         

Dishonorable Mentions: Jacksonville Jaguars, Pittsburgh Steelers, San Francisco 49ers

Best Individual Signing: Charvarius Ward to the Colts (3 years/$54 mil/$34.8 mil guaranteed)

You'll be hard pressed to find a better combination of need and value than this. Ward was one of the most reliable outside corners in football from 2019-23 and ended up getting less money on account of his well-documented down year in 2024 that was derailed by injuries and the tragic death of his infant daughter last October than projected #2 corners D.J. Reed and Carlton Davis did from the Lions and Patriots respectively. Given that he's firmly in his prime at age 29, don't be surprised if Ward returns to form in Indy and this deal ends up going down as a much-needed home run for embattled GM Chris Ballard.     

Honorable Mentions: Jevon Holland to the Giants (3 years/$45.3 mil/$30 mil guaranteed), Zack Baun Returning to the Eagles (3 years/$51 mil/$34 mil guaranteed), DeMarcus Lawrence to the Seahawks (3 years/$32.49 mil/$18 mil guaranteed),

Worst Indvidual Signing: Dan Moore Jr. to the Titans (4 years/$82 mil/$50 mil guaranteed)

Dan Moore Jr. was destined to be the odd man out in the Steelers tackle rotation. They'd drafted Broderick Jones and Troy Fautanu in back-to-back years, and he arguably held onto his starting LT job by default in 2024 after Fautanu dislocated his kneecap in Week 2 and ended up on season-ending IR. Don't feel too bad for Moore because his exit from Pittsburgh led to the Titans making him one of the highest paid tackles in the league. Moore's big payday begs an obvious but necessary question: How the hell did this happen? If Moore was truly worthy of getting such a huge deal, the Steelers would've never let him go. Left tackle is arguably the hardest position to fill in all of football outside of quarterback and teams aren't exactly in the business of letting the good ones leave-especially when they're 26 going on 27. As the decision to draft 2 tackles to potentially succeed him speaks to, Moore is about as average of a left tackle as there is in the league. Making him one of the highest paid players at the position is an absurd move that came to pass solely due to the comically thin LT market and the desperate measures teams will undergo to find somebody that they believe can fill this high leverage role. Braxton Jones' agent has to be salivating over this deal and dreaming of the potential $100+ mil payday he could fetch if he elects to leave the Bears next offseason.         

Dishonorable Mentions: Milton Williams to the Patriots (4 years/$104 mil/$63 mil guaranteed), Aaron Banks to the Packers (4 years/$77 mil/$27 mil guaranteed), Tershawn Wharton to the Panthers (3 years/$45 mil/$30 mil guaranteed)

Best Player Still Available: Asante Samuel Jr., cornerback (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

An injury-shortened 2024 and a reputation for being overaggressive in pursuit of INT's and completely uninterested in tackling has left Samuel Jr. with no real suitors during the first 2 weeks of free agency. As a nearly 26-year-old corner who is just 2 years removed from his best pro season, Samuel Jr. has an upside that's rare for a player hanging around the open market at this stage of the game-which makes him an ideal buy-low candidate for teams that are seeking a playmaking spark in the secondary.       

Honorable Mentions: Amari Cooper, wide receiver, Julian Blackmon, safety, J.K. Dobbins, running back  

David Ayer Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of David Ayer-whose latest project "A Working Man" releases in theaters tomorrow. 

David Ayer's Filmography Ranked:

9.Harsh Times (C)

8.Bright (B-)

7.Fury (B-)

6.The Tax Collector (B-)

5.Suicide Squad (B-)

4.Sabotage (B)

3.The Beekeeper (B)

2.Street Kings (B)

1.End of Watch (A)

Top Dog: End of Watch (2012)

Ironically, the only time Ayer has made a movie where the cops are actually good people also happened to be the only time he directed a really great movie. While End of Watch doesn't completely remove itself from the LA gang culture that has been at the forefront of the majority of his work from Training Day through the present day, Ayer really focuses on character work for the first time since Training Day with his depiction of the special bond that exists between a pair of longtime LAPD partners (Jake Gylenhaal, Michael Pena-both excellent) and how unexpectedly finding contraband during a routine traffic stop suddenly puts them in the crosshairs of some really dangerous people. Centering this story around the brotherly love these two men have for each other provides this raw, gritty action flick with a deep emotional connection to the characters that movies like this don't tend to have, which makes the inevitable tragic ending hit really hard.     

Bottom Feeder: Harsh Times (2006)

As tends to be the case when he shows up in something, Christian Bale does riveting work as a veteran battling PTSD who turns to a life of crime after struggling to find an honest job upon returning home. It's a shame that everything else around him in Harsh Times kind of sucks. Ayer's handling of mental illness is pretty clumsy and since this was his first movie as a director, the filmmaking isn't kinetic enough to overcome the treasure trove of LA hood film cliches that have become his calling card post-Training Day.    

Most Underrated: Street Kings (2008)

Street Kings is very much a bread-and-butter Ayer affair as it deals with crooked cops and how they're just as, if not more dangerous than the criminals that they're bringing to "justice". What elevates it above the majority of his other films that have tackled similar subject matter is some really terrific performances headlined by Keanu Reeves in a complete off-type role as an immoral, short-tempered cop with a lengthy history of killing perps who stumbles upon a sinister conspiracy within the LAPD after his ex-partner (Terry Crews) is executed in public shortly after he began talking to an internal affairs officer (Hugh Laurie) about his past conduct, some really tense shootouts and an old school noir sensibility of bad vs. badder that particularly shines through in the final moments where it eschews a clean "the villains have been defeated moment" for something that's disarmingly bleak and quite frankly, probably true to the world of real life policing.          

Most Overrated: Fury (2014)

More by-the-numbers "war is hell" movie than a straight-up bad one, Fury struggles to establish any sort of meaningful emotional attachment to its tank crew protagonists (Brad Pitt, Michael Pena, Shia LaBouef, Jon Bernthal, Logan Lerman) or deliver much of anything compelling outside of the excellent combat sequences that keep this thing from totally collapsing. 

Movie Review: Ash

When it comes to movies, I believe that execution is more important than originality. That's not to say that telling a unique story isn't important, I just feel that proficiency in delivering whatever vision the filmmakers had for the movie they made tends to be the top deciding factor in whether something works or not. Flying Lotus' second feature directorial effort Ash is the perfect example of this take in action. 

Narratively, Ash contains zero surprises. It more or less puts The Thing, Alien and Event Horizon in a blender with some really fucking strong psychedelics as it weaves the tale of an astronaut (Eiza Gonzalez) stationed on a distant planet who wakes up to find her whole crew (Iko Uwais, Beulah Koale, Flying Lotus) dead with zero reelection as to how it occurred and another astronaut (Aaron Paul)-who claims to be responding to a distress call that she made-knocking on the door of the ship's airlock. Gonzalez's character-who is haunted by fragmented visions of her crew's deaths and struggling to trust that Paul's character is who says he is-spends the first 2/3's of the movie in detective mode until all is revealed in a third act that delivers the onslaught of goopy, cosmic body horror that anybody who sat down to watch Ash signed up for.

Like any good director would, Flying Lotus gets in the kitchen and adds a whole lot of seasoning that makes Ash's standard issue sci-fi horror plot feel a lot more exciting than it would've been in the hands of a more traditional chef. He gets right down to the business in the opening frames, establishing a disorienting nightmarish atmosphere via unorthodox shots that are exploding with a wide array of bold colors, intricate production design that completely immerses the viewer into its setting of a heavily damaged spaceship stuck on an unknown desolate planet that appears to have some form of alien life on it and an abrasive industrial score that he composed himself that mimics the confused, terrified headspace Gonzalez's character is in. Eventually, the answers to who/what was behind the dead bodies onboard the space station is revealed, and the movie goes from disorienting to pure gory chaos. This shift in register gives the film's gnarly, badass creature effects the chance to shine throug, which adds a layer of unnerving urgency to the film's viscerally uneasy mood. A full-time musician who makes movies on the side directing with this much skill and passion may be a different brand of alien shit than what he appears on screen in Ash, but it deserves to be celebrated just the same. 

After watching this crazy little mood piece in theaters, I'll happily follow FlyLo to whatever dark, weird corner of filmmaking he wants to explore next. He directs with a natural ease, particularly when it comes to creating striking visuals and stomach-turning unease, that's pretty rare in this industry. While it's definitely too soon to declare if he has "the juice" or not, Ash could very well be the movie that marks the start of a special directorial career.     

                      

Grade: B

2025 NFL Mock Draft (3/24)

1.Tennessee Titans: Cam Ward, quarterback (Miami)

2.Cleveland Browns: Sheduer Sanders, quarterback (Colorado)

3.New York Giants: Travis Hunter, cornerback/wide receiver (Colorado)

4.New England Patriots: Abdul Carter, edge rusher (Penn State)

5.Jacksonville Jaguars: Mason Graham, defensive tackle (Michigan)

6.Las Vegas Raiders: Tetairoa McMillan, wide reciever (Arizona)

7.New York Jets: Tyler Warren, tight end (Penn State)

8.Carolina Panthers: Shemar Stewart, edge rusher (Texas A&M)

9.New Orleans Saints: Jahdae Barron, cornerback (Texas)

10.Chicago Bears: Mike Green, edge rusher (Marshall)

11.San Francisco 49ers: Armand Membou, tackle (Missouri)

12.Dallas Cowboys: James Pearce Jr., edge rusher (Tennessee) 

13.Miami Dolphins: Will Campbell, tackle/guard (LSU)

14.Indianapolis Colts: Emeka Egbuka, wide receiver (Ohio State) 

15.Atlanta Falcons: Jalon Walker, edge rusher/inside linebacker (Georgia)

16.Arizona Cardinals: Donovan Ezeiruaku, edge rusher (Boston College) 

17.Cincinnati Bengals: Will Johnson, cornerback (Michigan)

18.Seattle Seahawks: Kelvin Banks Jr., tackle/guard (Texas)

19.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Maxwell Hairston, cornerback (Kentucky)

20.Denver Broncos: Ashton Jeanty, running back (Boise State)

21.Pittsburgh Steelers: Trey Amos, cornerback (Ole Miss)

22.Los Angeles Chargers: Colston Loveland, tight end (Michigan) 

23.Green Bay Packers: Josh Simmons, tackle (Ohio State)

24.Minnesota Vikings: Tyler Booker, guard (Alabama)

25.Houston Texans: Josh Conerly, tackle (Oregon)

26.Los Angeles Rams: Jihaad Campbell, inside linebacker (Alabama)

27.Baltimore Ravens: Grey Zabel, tackle/guard (North Dakota State)

28.Detroit Lions: Nic Scoruton, edge rusher (Texas A&M)

29.Washington Commanders: Kenneth Grant, defensive tackle (Michigan)

30.Buffalo Bills: Luther Burden, wide receiver (Missouri)

31.Kansas City Chiefs: Mykel Williams, edge rusher (Georgia) 

32.Philadelphia Eagles: Malaki Starks, safety (Georgia)

The Russo Brothers Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of The Russo Brothers-whose latest project "The Electric State" is streaming now on Netflix.

The Russo Brothers' Filmography Ranked:

8.The Electric State (D)

7.You, Me and Dupree (C-)

6.Captain America: The Winter Solider (C+)

5.Welcome to Collinwood (B-)

4.The Gray Man (B)

3.Captain America: Civil War (B)

2.Avengers: Endgame (A-)

1.Avengers: Infinity War (A)

Top Dog: Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

The movie that Marvel spent a decade setting up ended up being one of their crowning achievements. Seeing the titular megateam of heroes get overmatched and outsmarted by Thanos for 2.5+ hours provided a feeling of impending doom that masterfully established the elevated stakes of this 2-part, era-ending superhero showdown while also providing the type of edge-of-your-seat adrenaline rush that all of the best blockbusters provide.     

Bottom Feeder: The Electric State (2025)

Kevin Feige tapping them to direct the pair of upcoming Avengers movies (reportedly at the request of Robert Downey Jr., who was hired to play Doctor Doom in a move that definitely doesn't reek of desperation and panic about the future of MCU at all) probably saved the Russo Brothers from getting a nice long stint in director's jail. The Electric State is one of those really special blockbuster stinkers that gets executives fired, actors taken out of consideration for prime roles and audiences pissed off that they bothered to spend the time watching it. It's a hard movie to concisely describe as it has no coherent narrative, tones or messaging, so just try and imagine if somebody who had only heard about movies like Ready Player One, E.T. and Minority Report in passing got handed $325 million to make a movie based on these secondhand recollections. Calling it an AI-generated movie doesn't even feel apt as this is the kind of confused, aloof monstrosity that only humans who bit off way more than could chew could create. Netflix has to be thrilled with its colossal investment as The Electric State is currently being beat out by the universally panned theatrical release Kraven the Hunter-which hit the service 24 hours prior to its releases-on the Top 10 movie charts a week after it was released. If that isn't a perfect distillation as to why streaming exclusives will always play second fiddle to titles that hit theaters first, I don't know what is.       

Most Underrated: The Gray Man (2022)

I don't know about everybody else who's seen both films, but The Gray Man stock is soaring in my eyes post-The Electric State. Could I have done without the shitty MCU one-liners and the bizarre shot selections in some of the action sequences? Absolutely. But gosh darn it, it's got a splashy ensemble cast (Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans, Ana de Armas, Rege Jean-Page, Billy Bob Thronton, Jessica Henwick, Julia Butters, Wagner Moura, Alfre Woodard, Dhanush) playing their parts well, a few nifty setpieces and solid visuals-which is enough to place it above at least 75% of the big action blockbusters currently in the Netflix Original catalog.  

Most Overrated: Captain America: The Winter Solider (2014)

While there's a real feeling of loneliness that comes with constantly going after The Winter Solider, I've been on this island for just about 11 years now (the 11th anniversary of its release is on April 4th) and I'm not leaving now bitches! Even with the MCU's declining hit rate post-Endgame, I truly believe this not only the most overrated movie in their filmography, but firmly in the bottom quarter-to-third of movies they've ever produced. The plot becomes completely incomprehensible by the halfway point    choppy editing greatly minimizes the effectiveness of the well-choregraphed fight scenes and its pacing is surprisingly sluggish for a movie that driven by action and political/espionage hijinks.     

Movie Review: Black Bag

In my lifetime at least, no director has done a better job of blazing their own trail than Steven Soderbergh. His constant jumping between studio and indie projects along with a dedication to exploring genres that span the entire spectrum of cinema has made him impossible to pigeonhole at any point of his illustrious 35-year career. His brand of not having a brand has arguably grown even stronger since he returned to directing with 2017's Logan Lucky after a brief self-described "retirement" as he's zeroed in on making movies that are experimental and (mostly) unlike anything he's made in the past. The 10th (!) project of his second directorial era Black Bag sees him stepping into one of the only subgenres he's never touched before: the spy movie.

 

As the real Soderheads out there would expect, Black Bag tries to take a different approach to the spy movie. There isn't a big action setpiece, kooky gadget or self-destructing message anywhere to be found. Instead, the film focuses on the sticky quandary that a top British intelligence officer faces (Michael Fassbender) when the list of suspects he obtains for a crucial investigation he's working on involving the disappearance of a top-secret software system that is capable of stealing nuclear launch codes ends up consisting of his wife (Cate Blanchett)-who is also a high-ranking intelligence officer and a pair of couples (Rege Jean-Page/Naomie Harris, Marisa Abela/Tom Burke) that he works closely with. It's a story about people whose job is built on a foundation of lies and withholding information trying to parse through what's real and what's not, and if it's possible for a romance to survive under the constant threat of deception. The whole cast-particularly Abela who saunters in and steals the whole movie from a group of heavyweights that have been acting for far longer than she has with her cheeky swagger-does a great job of handling all the fuckery and mind games that are afoot between all parties as this investigation plays out and both Soderbergh and his frequent screenwriting collaborator David Koepp build a grounded tension with the snappy dialogue and gloomy lighting choices. 

Ironically, Black Bag's subversion of the spy genre eventually ends up feeling like sleight of hand. The examination of the romantic relationships between these characters and how they intersect with the harsh realities of their job are ultimately all in service of the classic modern spy trope of tracking down the magic computer program that could start World War III if it ends up in the wrong hands. On top of that, it's incredibly obvious which of the 5 suspects was responsible for stealing the program and the ending is shockingly tidy for a movie that spends so much time focusing on the messiness of spies being romantically involved with other spies. Giving off the illusion of tap dancing around cliches is considerably more annoying to me than unapologetically embracing them and that's something that I haven't been able to shake since I walked out of theater last Thursday night. It's particularly disappointing to see someone with the glowing reputation that Soderbergh has earned in the industry go down this road. You're supposed to be a maverick, man! Why did you have to break out the spy movie playbook after crafting a setup that had so much potential to break away from it? At the end of the day, Black Bag is a still a perfectly fine movie, but it could've easily been great and seeing that greatness fall apart so rapidly was really unfortunate.                

Grade: B-

Movie Review: Novocaine

It was only a matter of time before Jack Quaid was handed the keys to his own movie. Whether it's being weaponized or embraced for a given role, the 32-year-old whose best known for playing Hughie Campbell on Prime Video's The Boys brings an easygoing charm to the screen that is perfectly suited for the top of the call sheet. R-rated romantic action-comedy Novocaine provides Quaid with the ideal vehicle to flourish in his first lead role in a movie. 

Quaid plays Nathan Caine, an average guy working as an assistant bank manager in San Diego. Caine has spent nearly his entire life as a solitary man on account of having a rare disease called CIPA (Congenial Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis) that prevents him from feeling pain, which made him an easy target for bullies and slowly eroded his relationship with his parents. His isolated life is challenged when fate comes along and puts him in the path of his co-worker Sherry (Amber Midthunder). The two go on an impromptu date at a diner and have an instant connection. Despite only spending a brief amount of time in Sherry's presence, Caine feels like he's not alone for the first time in his life. Caine and Sherry's blossoming relationship hits an unexpected snag the very next day when their bank is robbed, and she's taken hostage by the group's psychotic leader Simon (Ray Nicholson). Going against every instinct in his body, Caine sets out to track down and rescue Sherry himself, which puts him on a collision course with a gang of violent criminals and pair of police detectives (Betty Gabriel, Matt Walsh) that believe he is a suspect in the robbery. 

Novocaine has a clear, simple set of goals and it accomplishes nearly all of them with ease. The energetic, wince-inducing fight scenes do a great job of incorporating Caine's condition into the action, directors Dan Berk and Robert Olsen (Villains, Significant Other) provide a nimbleness to the proceedings that makes the whole movie fly by and as I alluded to above, Quaid's effortless likability makes Caine an unlikely hero that's worth rooting for. The romantic elements of the story aren't quite as successful-mostly because the chemistry between Quaid and Midthunder isn't strong enough to make the whirlwind nature of their relationship convincing, but it does at least eventually end up in a sincerely sweet place that covers up some of its inability to sell the instant overwhelming connection between Caine and Sherry. In terms of pure fun on the big screen, you sure as hell could do much worse than this, especially during a late winter/early spring period that's been surprisingly light on this particular brand of good time at the movies.              

Grade: B

2025 NFL Mock Draft (3/17)

1.Tennessee Titans: Abdul Carter, edge rusher (Penn State)

2.Cleveland Browns: Travis Hunter, cornerback/wide receiver (Colorado)

3.New York Giants: Cam Ward, quarterback (Miami) 

4.New England Patriots: Shemar Stewart, edge rusher (Texas A&M) 

5.Jacksonville Jaguars: Mason Graham, defensive tackle (Michigan) 

6.Las Vegas Raiders: Tetairoa McMillian, wide receiver (Arizona) 

7.New York Jets: Tyler Warren, tight end (Penn State) 

8.Carolina Panthers: Mike Green, edge rusher (Marshall) 

9.New Orleans Saints: Jahdae Barron, cornerback (Texas) 

10.Chicago Bears: James Pearce Jr., edge rusher (Tennessee) 

11.San Francisco 49ers: Armand Membou, tackle (Missouri) 

12.Dallas Cowboys: Donovan Ezeiruaku, edge rusher (Boston College)

13.Miami Dolphins: Will Campbell, tackle/guard (LSU) 

14.Indianapolis Colts: Emeka Egbuka, wide receiver (Ohio State)

15.Atlanta Falcons: Jalon Walker, edge rusher/inside linebacker (Georgia) 

16.Arizona Cardinals: Mykel Williams, edge rusher (Georgia)

17.Cincinnati Bengals: Will Johnson, cornerback (Michigan) 

18.Seattle Seahawks: Kelvin Banks Jr., tackle/guard (Texas) 

19.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Maxwell Hairston, cornerback (Kentucky)

20.Denver Broncos: Ashton Jeanty, running back (Boise State)

21.Pittsburgh Steelers: Sheduer Sanders, quarterback (Colorado) 

22.Los Angeles Chargers: Colston Loveland, tight end (Michigan)

23.Green Bay Packers: Josh Simmons, tackle (Ohio State)

24.Minnesota Vikings: Tyler Booker, guard (Alabama)

25.Houston Texans: Josh Conerly, tackle (Oregon)

26.Los Angeles Rams: Jihaad Campbell, inside linebacker (Alabama)

27.Baltimore Ravens: Trey Amos, cornerback (Ole Miss)

28.Detroit Lions: Nic Scourton, edge rusher (Texas A&M)

29.Washington Commanders: Kenneth Grant, defensive tackle (Michigan)

30.Buffalo Bills: Luther Burden, wide receiver (Missouri)

31.Kansas City Chiefs: Grey Zabel, tackle/guard (North Dakota State)

32.Philadelphia Eagles: Malaki Starks, safety (Georgia)

Programming Update

Greetings readers,

On account of a lack of things to review and a desire to start really cracking on my research for the 2025 NFL Draft, I won't be posting anything else for the remainder of this week. I'll be back on Monday with my first post-free agency NFL Mock Draft.

Thanks,

Chris Maitland

Cate Blanchett Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Cate Blanchett-whose latest project "Black Bag" releases in theaters tomorrow. 

Cate Blanchett's Filmography Ranked:

24.Borderlands (D+)

23.Nightmare Alley (C-)

22.Carol (C-)

21.The Aviator (C-)

20.The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (C)

19,The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug (C)

18.The Monuments Men (C)

17.Hanna (C)

16.Bandits (C+)

15.Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (C+)

14.Robin Hood (B-)

13.The House with a Clock in Its Walls (B-)

12.The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (B-)

11.TAR (B-)

10.Where'd You Go, Bernadette (B-)

9.Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio (B)  

8.Ocean's 8 (B)

7.The Gift (B)

6.Don't Look Up (B+)

5.Notes on a Scandal (B+)

4.The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (B+)

3.The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (B+)

2.Blue Jasmine (A)

1.Thor: Ragnarok (A)

Top Dog: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

While the sour reception towards Love and Thunder has dampened the enthusiasm towards this one on the whole, I still believe it's one of the clear best films in the MCU. Reinventing Thor as this aloof goofball who's completely unfit to lead his people on Asgaard reinvigorated a character that had become kind of stale after 2 not-so-great solo adventures, Taika Waititi's irreverent humor was the perfect fit for the vibrant, eccentric comedy this becomes once the action shifts to the garbage planet of Sakaar, and Blanchett's expertly deployed scenery chewing makes Hala a top-tier superhero movie villain.         

Bottom Feeder: Borderlands (2024)

Just when you start to think that Hollywood has started to figure out how to adapt video games into movies, something heinous like Borderlands comes around and reminds you that these projects can still go very wrong when they're made by the wrong people. This long-gestating film that was extensively re-shot in early 2023 by Deadpool director Tim Miller after completing principal photography in June 2021 with Eli Roth at the helm desperately wants this notoriously sophomoric, freewheeling IP to turn into Guardians of the Galaxy 2.0. The problem with this desire to ape James Gunn's highly successful franchise is that Borderlands doesn't have any laughs or heart, the cast has zero chemistry whatsoever and the jarring usage of cheap green screen clashes with the strong production design that faithfully recreates locations from the game. The good news for upcoming video game movies such as Watch Dogs, Return to Silent Hill, and next month's A Minecraft Movie and Until Dawn is that Borderlands has set a high suckage bar with its abundant ineptitude that will be difficult for any of them to clear.           

Most Underrated: The Gift (2000)

Strong performances and reliably stylish direction from Sam Raimi elevate this supernatural thriller about a widowed clairvoyant (Blanchett) tasked with solving the murder of a local woman (Katie Holmes) from relatively generic procedural to a compelling mystery with several moments of real emotional impact.  

Most Overrated: Nightmare Alley (2021)

Delivering a remake of the 1947 noir classic Nightmare Alley was a decades-spanning passion project for Guillermo del Toro that finally came to pass after The Shape of Water won a zillion Oscars in 2017. Shockingly, the film never even comes close to being the labor of love you'd expect from an enthusiastic, gifted craftsman like del Toro. Watching a noir-particularly one that takes place in the sleazy world of the traveling circus in 1939 America-that boasts a flat narrative and packs very little in the way of seductive or entrancing atmosphere just feels wrong and there's no amount of handsomely designed sets or striking gothic cinematography from the great Dan Lausten that can fix this massive miscalculation.           

Movie Review: Mickey 17

The perks that come from winning an Oscar go beyond the honor of taking home the most prestigious award in all of cinema. Once that gold statue enters someone's hand, people from all over the industry are hungry to strike while the iron is hot and get into business with them. For director's, this usually means getting an obscene amount of money and full creative control on a project that almost certainly never would be greenlit under any other circumstances. Sweeping sci-fi satire Mickey 17 was the project that Bong Joon-ho chose to use his Parasite Oscar cache on, and I'm happy to say that the Korean auteur made damn good use of this special opportunity as it's probably his best English-language movie yet.

Based on Edward Ashton's 2022 novel Mickey7, Mickey 17 tells the story of the down-on-his luck Mickey Barnes (Robert Pattinson). Mickey along with his friend Timo (Steven Yuen) are in serious debt to a vicious loan shark after their macaroon stand fails to take off and have no way to pay him back. Desperate to avoid being murdered, Mickey and Timo sign up for a multi-year space expedition led by controversial failed politician Kenneth Marshall (Mark Ruffalo) that is aiming to colonize a distant arctic planet called Niflheim. Where the connected Timo is able to get a job as a pilot, the only way that Mickey can get onboard on the flight is as an "expendable"-a lowly job which sees him carry out any dangerous tasks that arise during their journey and agree to get cloned each time he dies using technology that was banned on Earth after it was abused for nefarious purposes by its inventors. Mickey's taxing, thankless job is going fine until an error by the ship's crew leads to them making an 18th version of him while the 17th one is still alive. This means that Mickey is a "multiple" and Marshall has determined that in the case of "multiples", every version of that person is to be killed. Aided by longtime girlfriend Nasha (Naomi Ackie)-who works as a security agent on the ship, the two vastly different Mickeys have to come together, and dodge being detected by Marshall in order to avoid meeting a permanent end.

Despite a reported blockbuster budget ($118 million) that's over 2x higher than the previous most expensive movie he made (2017's Okja), Bong Joon-ho didn't sell out at all with Mickey 17. The overarching anti-capitalist, anti-fascist, pro-environmentalism themes that he explored in his previous English-language movies (Snowpiercer, the aforementioned Okja) remain just as prevalent as here, the high concept sci-fi premise doesn't dilute the character-driven goals of the narrative in the slightest and the comedy in the script is biting and goofy in equal measure. Whether these elements come together as smoothly as they do in his Korean films is another thing entirely (I personally don't believe that they do), but getting an unmistakable Bong Joon-ho joint at a moment of his career where he could've elected to make something sunnier or safer is still a big win.

What powers Mickey 17 through its occasional woes with pacing and narrative cohesion is the impeccable work from its cast. Pattinson adds another standout entry to the impressive body of work he's built up over the past 7-8 years with a sensational turn as the constantly evolving Mickey Barnes. He brilliantly captures the desperation, despair and fear that drives Barnes to sign off on being exploited by the shittiest, dumbest people in the universe in service of making their awful dreams come to fruition and the interplay between the unassuming, disarmingly sweet Mickey 17 and bitter, temperamental Mickey 18 is a riot. After seeing the magic he worked here with such a tricky, comedic-leaning role that required him to play so many different versions of the same character, I'm more convinced than ever that his upcoming turn in Kristoffer Borgli's The Drama is going to be a grand slam.    

In terms of the supporting cast, Ruffalo and Ackie shine the brightest. Ruffalo returns to his hilarious Poor Things register by playing another despicable, insecure buffoon who starts spiraling when his quest for power and admiration fails to materialize in the way he had hoped while Ackie brings heart, compassion and grit to a role that could've been pretty routine in the hands of a lesser performer. The romantic and comedic elements of this story don't work without these two being flexible enough performers to bounce off the variety of energies Pattinson brings to the scenes they share, and Bong deserves just as much as credit for these ace casting choices as he does for trusting Pattinson to play a series of weird, lovable guys.

Mickey 17 is a huge win for studios trusting a director's vision. Sure, it's rough around the edges, but it's a consistently engaging and often tremendous piece of work. The industry would be in a better place if we had more blockbusters that felt like products of their director opposed to whatever a corporate boardroom or focus group would like to see. Of course, the odds of the radical idea of giving creative control to the creatives materializing are really low, especially now with the impending recession that the big, beautiful mind of one of the biggest inspirations for Kenneth Marshall has the whole fucking world hurdling towards, but at least Bong was able to make a strong argument for the cause when he cashed in his golden statue ticket.                                                     

        

Grade: B

Toni Collette Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Toni Collette-whose latest project "Mickey 17" opens in theaters today. 

Toni Collette's Filmography Ranked:

20.Hereditary (D)

19.About a Boy (D)

18.Velvet Buzzsaw (D+)

17.Nightmare Alley (C-)

16.Tammy (C)

15.The Dead Girl (C)

14.Unlocked (C)

13.Krampus (C+)

12.Imperium (B-)

11.Fright Night (B-)

10.Shaft (B)

9.xXx: Return of Xander Cage (B)

8.The Way, Way Back (B)

7.Hearts Beat Loud (B)

6.Changing Lanes (B)

5.Juror #2 (B)

4.The Sixth Sense (B)

3.Little Miss Sunshine (B+)

2.Enough Said (B+)

1.Knives Out (A-)

Top Dog: Knives Out (2019)

Rian Johnson put the pain of The Last Jedi behind him by reinvigorating the whodunit genre with this stylish, hilarious and gripping affair that sees a stacked ensemble cast (Daniel Craig, Ana de Armas, Jamie Lee Curtis, Chris Evans, Michael Shannon, Collette, Don Johnson, Jaeden Martell, Katherine Langford, LaKeith Stanfield, Riki Lindhome, Edi Patterson, Frank Oz, Christopher Plummer) having a ball playing around with this Agatha Christie-esque material. It's equally awesome that Johnson has gotten the chance to turn Knives Out into a franchise that allows him to further build up the legend of Craig's brilliant private detective Benoit Blanc while further experimenting with different tones and narrative structures that provides each entry with its own unique identity.         

Bottom Feeder: Hereditary (2018)

As thrilled as I am that its success playing a huge role in Ari Aster gaining the juice in the industry to be able to command relatively large budgets to make bizarre, comically uncommercial films that will top out at $5 million at the box office, I'm no fan of Hereditary. While Collette's lead performance is quite good, I found the film to be nothing more than a really boring mediation on grief/generational trauma that eventually clunkily merges with a ridiculous supernatural horror movie in the final act. 

Most Underrated: Enough Said (2013)

What makes Nicole Holofcener's movies work so well is the sincerity of the storytelling along with the empathy that it treats its characters with. Enough Said does a particularly good job with these things as it explores what happens when a pair of middle-aged divorcees (Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, James Gandolfini) who meet at a party hosted by a married couple (Ben Falcone, Collette) they're both friends with decide to start dating. Holofcener's smart, thoughtful script does a terrific job of examining how the scars of divorce makes committing to a romantic relationship even scarier than it was before the parties involved got married, Louis-Dreyfuss and Gandolfini are exceptional as two regular people who are eager to start a new chapter of their lives, but also don't want to get hurt again and the organic balance of comedy and drama really hammers home the thorny honesty and overdue self-reflection that comes with aging which drives this slice of life story.         

Most Overrated: Hereditary (2018)

For me, this is the most egregious case of indie horror movie hyperbole we've ever seen. There's not a single idea. image or sound in this film that elicited any sort of response in me that even vaguely resembled fear or anxiety. I would actually go as far to say that this is among least frightening horror films I've ever watched. The complete absence of spookiness is just one of the many problems I had with Hereditary as you just read above, so I'll wrap things up here by simply saying that I'd be stunned if I ever stopped viewing this film as anything other than an obscenely overrated outlier in Ari Aster's otherwise endearing filmography.          

2025 NFL Free Agency: Top 10 Players Available

Here's a genuine surprise, the NFL free agency market is going to have a deeper-than-expected pool this year. During the 2-week franchise tag period that ended yesterday at 4 PM EST, only 4 players came off the board via the tag (Tee Higgins, Trey Smith) or signing a long-term deal to remain with their current team (Alaric Jackson, Osa Odighizuwa). This relative lack of action prior to the start of the legal tampering period on Monday at noon EST has birthed one of the deeper free agency classes we've seen in the past decade with the corner, tackle and edge rusher groups looking particularly strong. Here are my picks for the 10 best players hitting the open market. 

10.Charvarius Ward, cornerback (2024 team: San Francisco 49ers)

A poor 2024 campaign that was impacted by injuries and the devastating death of his infant daughter in late October should drive down the price for Ward-who turns 29 in May-as he looks to sign the 3rd contract of his NFL career. If he does indeed have to settle for a more modest contract than he deserves given his strong body of work and is able to get back to the borderline elite level he played at from 2021-2023, this veteran outside corner will go down as one of the top bargains in this free agency class. 

Possible Destinations: Las Vegas Raiders, Cincinnati Bengals, Pittsburgh Steelers, Carolina Panthers, Indianapolis Colts, Minnesota Vikings, Detroit Lions, New York Jets, Jacksonville Jaguars, Green Bay Packers, Los Angeles Rams 

9.Josh Sweat, edge rusher (2024 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

There's an inherent risk in signing Sweat given that he primarily plays on passing downs and has been surrounded by top-end front 7 talent throughout his 7 seasons with the Eagles. Still, signing somebody with his pass-rushing pedigree (33 sacks, 74 QB hits, 105 pressures since becoming a starter in 2021) that also happens to be in the middle of their prime (he turns 28 later this month) is the kind of dice roll that many teams will be comfortable taking. 

Possible Destinations: Philadelphia Eagles, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Chicago Bears, New England Patriots, Green Bay Packers, Washington Commanders, Los Angeles Chargers, Atlanta Falcons 

8.Davante Adams, wide receiver (2024 teams: Las Vegas Raiders/New York Jets)

Ironically, Adams being able to clear 1,000 YDS during his largely self-imposed nightmare 2024 season between the putrid Raiders and Jets offenses is a strong sign that the 32-year-old 3x All-Pro has plenty of gas left in the tank. He'd be a great addition to any team that's looking for vertical playmaking and/or someone to make tough contested catches in crucial game situations.   

Possible Destinations: Los Angeles Chargers, Green Bay Packers, New England Patriots, San Francisco 49ers, Los Angeles Rams, Carolina Panthers, Jacksonville Jaguars

7.D.J. Reed, cornerback (2024 team: New York Jets)

Reed lived up to his 3-year/$33 mil deal and then some as he provided the Jets with a steady, physical presence at the #2 corner spot who majorly contributed to the stout pass defenses they had throughout the length of his tenure. As he appears set to depart East Rutherford next week, he should be in line for a nice raise and will likely provide some lucky team with the type of stabilizing DB presence that's crucial to success in the modern NFL.  

Possible Destinations: Minnesota Vikings, San Francisco 49ers, Cincinnati Bengals, Pittsburgh Steelers, Cleveland Browns, Carolina Panthers, Las Vegas Raiders, Baltimore Ravens, New England Patriots, Los Angeles Rams, Green Bay Packers

6.Jevon Holland, safety (2024 team: Miami Dolphins)

Barring some unforeseen spree of significant contract restructuring among their expensive vets, the cash-strapped Dolphins are going to be forced to move on from Holland. While he's battled some injuries and is coming off an average 2024 season, he's mostly been an electrifying, dynamic playmaker on a secondary that's largely lacked those kinds of impact players in recent years since he was drafted in 2021. If he lands in the right system and builds upon the rangey ballhawk skillset he showcased more consistently prior to last year, he could easily turn into a perineal All-Pro safety.        

Possible Destinations: Jacksonville Jaguars, New York Jets, Buffalo Bills, Minnesota Vikings, Indianapolis Colts

5.Khalil Mack, edge rusher (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Over the past 2 seasons with the Chargers, Mack has returned to the dominant form he flashed during the highest moments of his stints with the Raiders and Bears. At 34, those days are clearly numbered, but he should continue to be a high-value pass-rushing asset for the next year or two wherever he lands.  

Possible Destinations: Los Angeles Chargers, Detroit Lions, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Chicago Bears, Los Angeles Rams

4.Sam Darnold, quarterback (2024 team: Minnesota Vikings)

The damage that Darnold did for his free agent stock with his disastrous performances in the regular season finale versus the Lions and Wild Card Round versus the Rams appears to be monumental. Hell, it might even cause him to come crawling back to the Vikings on another team-friendly 1-year deal to serve as a stopgap for J.J. McCarthy-who is currently rehabbing from the meniscus tear that cost him the entirety of his rookie season. That being said, he was so sharp over the balance of the 2024 season that any team looking to solve their QB woes should still consider giving him a look.  

Possible Destinations: Minnesota Vikings, Tennessee Titans, Indianapolis Colts, Cleveland Browns, New York Giants

3.Zack Baun, inside linebacker (2024 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

My personal pick for the 2024 Defensive Player of the Year was a major reason why the Eagles defense was so suffocating all season long. He's due for a huge raise after Howie Roseman got him for peanuts in free agency last year after he started just 16 games on defense during his 4 years with the Saints, but his versatile skill set paired with the insane production he put up at the inside linebacker spot (151 tackles, 3.5 sacks, 11 TFL's, 5 QB hits, 4 passes defensed, 5 forced fumbles, 1 INT, 1 fumble recovery) should make the conceivably sizable investment it'll take to land him worthwhile.  

Possible Destinations: Philadelphia Eagles, Denver Broncos, San Francisco 49ers, New England Patriots, Tennessee Titans, Seattle Seahawks, Los Angeles Rams, Detroit Lions

2.Chris Godwin, wide receiver (2024 team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers) 

Despite buzz that they were headed towards a reunion a couple weeks ago, Godwin and the Buccaneers have yet to agree to terms on a new deal. As scary as it is to heavily invest in a 29-year-old receiver that's coming off a dislocated ankle and is only a few years removed from a massive knee injury, Godwin's status as a consistently productive player with a fundamentally sound game and terrific leadership skills will allow him to attract a robust market if he elects to leave the Bucs. 

Possible Destinations: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Cleveland Browns, New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts, New York Giants, Green Bay Packers, Jacksonville Jaguars, Carolina Panthers   

1.Ronnie Stanley, tackle (2024 team: Baltimore Ravens)

A contending team opening the door for their left tackle to depart with no clear succession place is the kind of shit that usually ends in disaster (just ask the 2024 Chiefs!). While I'm not currently convinced that Stanley is going to leave the Ravens, every single team with significant cap space and a need at the position should at least check in with his agent ASAP. Are there durability concerns with Stanley? Absolutely. He's only appeared in 104 games across his 9 NFL seasons and at 30 going on 31, his ability to stay healthy could further deteriorate as he gets older. Still, this is one of the steadiest, most polished left tackles in football we're talking about here. Players of this caliber at such an important position hardly ever shake loose and he has the potential to immediately change the complexion of an offensive line as soon as he steps on the field, which is exactly why Stanley is the clear top player in this free agency class in my eyes.       

Possible Destinations: Baltimore Ravens, New England Patriots, Jacksonville Jaguars, Cleveland Browns, Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, Kansas City Chiefs 

Other Notable Free Agents:

Aaron Banks, guard (2024 team: Arizona Cardinals)

Aaron Jones, running back (2024 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Amari Cooper, wide receiver (2024 teams: Cleveland Browns/Buffalo Bills)

Andre Cisco, safety (2024 team: Jacksonville Jaguars)

Asante Samuel Jr., cornerback (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Austin Hooper, tight end (2024 team: New England Patriots)

Austin Seibert, kicker (2024 team: Washington Commanders)

Azeez Ojulari, edge rusher (2024 team: New York Giants)

B.J. Hill, defensive tackle (2024 team: Cincinnati Bengals)

Baron Browning, edge rusher (2024 teams: Denver Broncos/Arizona Cardinals)

Bobby Brown III, defensive tackle (2024 team: Los Angeles Rams)

Bobby Wagner, inside linebacker (2024 team: Washington Commanders)

Brandon Scherff, guard (2024 team: Jacksonville Jaguars)

Brandon Stephens, cornerback (2024 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Bryan Anger, punter (2024 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Byron Murphy Jr., cornerback (2024 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Cam Robinson, tackle (2024 teams: Jacksonville Jaguars/Minnesota Vikings)

Camryn Bynum, safety (2024 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Carlton Davis II, cornerback (2024 team: Detroit Lions)

Charles Omenihu, edge rusher (2024 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Chase Young, edge rusher (2024 team: New Orleans Saints)

Chauncey Golston, edge rusher (2024 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Coleman Shelton, center (2024 team: Chicago Bears)

D.J. Jones, defensive tackle (2024 team: Denver Broncos)

Dalton Risner, guard (2024 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Damar Hamlin, safety (2024 team: Buffalo Bills)

Dan Moore Jr., tackle (2024 team: Pittsburgh Steelers)

Daniel Jones, quarterback (2024 teams: New York Giants/Minnesota Vikings)

Dante Fowler Jr., edge rusher (2024 team :Washington Commanders)

Darius Slay, cornerback (2024 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Darius Slayton, wide receiver (2024 team: New York Giants)

Darrell Taylor, edge rusher (2024 team: Chicago Bears)

Dayo Odeyingbo, edge rusher (2024 team: Indianapolis Colts)

DeAndre Hopkins, wide receiver (2024 teams: Tennessee Titans/Kansas City Chiefs)

DeMarcus Lawrence, edge rusher (2024 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Demarcus Robinson, wide receiver (2024 team: Los Angeles Rams)

Dennis Gardeck, edge rusher (2024 team: Arizona Cardinals)

Derek Barnett, edge rusher (2024 team: Houston Texans)

Derrick Barnes, inside linebacker (2024 team: Detroit Lions)

Diontae Johnson, wide receiver (2024 teams: Carolina Panthers/Baltimore Ravens/Houston Texans)

Donte Jackson, cornerback (2024 team: Pittsburgh Steelers)

Dre Greenlaw, linebacker (2024 team: San Francisco 49ers)

Drew Dalman, center (2024 team: Atlanta Falcons)

Drew Lock, quarterback (2024 team: New York Giants)

Dyami Brown, wide receiver (2024 team: Washington Commanders)

Elandon Roberts, inside linebacker (2024 team: Pittsburgh Steelers)

Elijah Molden, safety (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Elijah Moore, wide receiver (2024 team: Cleveland Browns)

Eric Kendricks, inside linebacker (2024 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Ernest Jones, inside linebacker (2024 teams: Tennessee Titans/Seattle Seahawks)

Evan Brown, center/guard (2024 team: Arizona Cardinals)

Gerald Everett, tight end (2024 team: Chicago Bears)

Haason Reddick, edge rusher (2024 team: New York Jets)

Harrison Smith, safety (2024 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Hollywood Brown, wide receiver (2024 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Isaiah Rodgers, cornerback (2024 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

J.K. Dobbins, running back (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Jacoby Brissett, quarterback (2024 team: New England Patriots)

Jameis Winston, quarterback (2024 team: Cleveland Browns)

James Bradberry, cornerback (2024 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

James Daniels, guard (2024 team: Pittsburgh Steelers)

Jamien Sherwood, inside linebacker (2024 team: New York Jets)

Jarran Reed, defensive tackle (2024 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Javon Hargrave, defensive tackle (2024 team: San Francisco 49ers)

Javonte Williams, running back (2024 team: Denver Broncos)

Jedrick Wills Jr., tackle (2024 team: Cleveland Browns)

Jeremy Chinn, safety (2024 team: Washington Commanders)

Jimmy Garoppolo, quarterback (2024 team: Los Angeles Rams)

JK Scott, punter (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Jonathan Jones, cornerback (2024 team: New England Patriots)

Josh Myers, center (2024 team: Green Bay Packers)

Josh Uche, edge rusher (2024 team: New England Patriots/Kansas City Chiefs)

Joshua Palmer, wide receiver (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Jourdan Lewis, cornerback (2024 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Julian Blackmon, safety (2024 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Justin Fields, quarterback (2024 team: Pittsburgh Steelers)

Justin Reid, safety (2024 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Justin Simmons, safety (2024 team: Atlanta Falcons)

Juwan Johnson, tight end (2024 team: New Orleans Saints)

Kareem Hunt, running back (2024 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Keenan Allen, wide receiver (2024 team: Chicago Bears)

Kendall Fuller, cornerback (2024 team: Miami Dolphins)

Kenneth Gainwell, running back (2024 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Kevin Zeitler, guard (2024 team: Detroit Lions)

Kristian Fulton, cornerback (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Kyzir White, linebacker (2024 team: Arizona Cardinals)

Lavonte David, inside linebacker (2024 team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

Levi Onwuzurike, defensive tackle (2024 team: Detroit Lions)

Mac Jones, quarterback (2024 team: Jacksonville Jaguars)

Malcolm Koonce, edge rusher (2024 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Marcus Davenport, edge rusher (2024 team: Detroit Lions)

Matt Pryor, guard (2024 team: Chicago Bears)

Matthew Judon, edge rusher (2024 team: Atlanta Falcons)

Mekhi Becton, guard (2024 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Mike Gesicki, tight end (2024 team: Cincinnati Bengals)

Mike Hilton, cornerback (2024 team: Cincinnati Bengals)

Mike Williams, wide receiver (2024 teams: New York Jets/Pittsburgh Steelers)

Milton Williams, defensive tackle (2024 team: Philadelphia Eagles)

Mo-Allie Cox, tight end (2024 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Morgan Moses, tackle (2024 team: New York Jets)

Najee Harris, running back (2024 team: Pittsburgh Steelers)

Nate Hobbs, cornerback (2024 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Nick Bolton, inside linebacker (2024 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Nick Chubb, running back (2024 team: Cleveland Browns)

Nick Folk, kicker (2024 team: Tennessee Titans)

Nick Westbrook-Ikhine, wide receiver (2024 team: Tennessee Titans)

Patrick Mekari, guard/tackle (2024 team: Baltimore Ravens)

Paulson Adebo, cornerback (2024 team: New Orleans Saints)

Poona Ford, defensive tackle (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Raheem Mostert, running back (2024 team: Miami Dolphins)

Rasul Douglas, cornerback (2024 team: Buffalo Bills)

Rico Dowdle, running back (2024 team: Dallas Cowboys)

Robert Spillane, inside linebacker (2024 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Russell Wilson, quarterback (2024 team: Pittsburgh Steelers)

Ryan Kelly, center (2024 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Stefon Diggs, wide receiver (2024 team: Houston Texans)

Stephon Gilmore, cornerback (2024 team: Minnesota Vikings)

Talanoa Hufanga, safety (2024 team: San Francisco 49ers)

Teair Tart, defensive tackle (2024 team: Los Angeles Chargers)

Tershawn Wharton, defensive tackle (2024 team: Kansas City Chiefs)

Teven Jenkins, guard (2024 team: Chicago Bears)

Tim Patrick, wide receiver (2024 team: Detroit Lions)

Tre'davious White, cornerback (2024 team: Los Angeles Rams/Baltimore Ravens)

Tre'von Moehrig, safety (2024 team: Las Vegas Raiders)

Tress Way, punter (2024 team: Washington Commanders)

Ty Johnson, running back (2024 team: Buffalo Bills)

Tyler Boyd, wide receiver (2024 team: Tennessee Titans)

Tyler Conklin, tight end (2024 team: New York Jets)

Tyler Lockett, wide receiver (2024 team: Seattle Seahawks)

Tyrel Dodson, inside linebacker (2024 teams: Seattle Seahawks/Miami Dolphins)

Tyron Smith, tackle (2024 team: New York Jets)

Will Fries, guard (2024 team: Indianapolis Colts)

Will Hernandez, guard (2024 team: Arizona Cardinals)

Zach Ertz, tight end (2024 team: Washington Commanders)

Zane Gonzalez, kicker (2024 team: Washington Commanders)

Movie Review: Last Breath

Survival thriller Last Breath chronicles the remarkable true story of a 2012 saturation diving (to put it as plainly as possible, these are the people responsible for maintaining and repairing the underwater gas pipelines) accident in the North Sea off the coast of Scotland that left British diver Chris Lemons (played in the film by Finn Cole) stranded 300 feet below sea level with limited oxygen for about 45 minutes before his team was able to rescue him. This is the kind of sturdy, straightforward film that would've gained a cult following solely off of weekend afternoon showings on TNT or USA 20 years ago. Director Alex Parkinson-who also co-directed a 2019 documentary of the same name on this subject-makes the film harrowing without taking any dramatic liberties that remove the film's grounded feel, the underwater photography from Nick Remy Matthews that captures both the horrifying, dark vastness and suffocating claustrophobia of the unique environment Lemons is stuck in is stunning and the cast-which also includes Woody Harrelson, Simu Liu and Cliff Curtis-nail the handful of big emotional moments that exist around the accident/rescue that makes up the majority of the efficient 93-minute runtime. Fact-based films that ultimately showcase the resilience of the human spirit and the incredible things we're capable of as a species when people work together in the face of tremendous adversity are always a beautiful thing to witness and Last Breath is definitely one of the more effective, moving ones released in recent years.         

Grade: B

2025 NFL Mock Draft (Post-Combine)

1.Tennessee Titans: Abdul Carter, edge rusher (Penn State) 

2.Cleveland Browns: Travis Hunter, cornerback/wide receiver (Colorado)

3.New York Giants: Cam Ward, quarterback (Miami)

4.New England Patriots: Tetairoa McMillian, wide receiver (Arizona)

5.Jacksonville Jaguars: Mason Graham, defensive tackle (Michigan) 

6.Las Vegas Raiders: Sheduer Sanders, quarterback (Colorado) 

7.New York Jets: Tyler Warren, tight end (Penn State)

8.Carolina Panthers: Mike Green, edge rusher (Marshall)

9.New Orleans Saints: Jahdae Barron, cornerback (Texas)

10.Chicago Bears: Shemar Stewart, edge rusher (Texas A&M)

11.San Francisco 49ers: Will Johnson, cornerback (Michigan)

12.Dallas Cowboys: Ashton Jeanty, running back (Boise State)

13.Miami Dolphins: Will Campbell, tackle/guard (LSU)

14.Indianapolis Colts: Matthew Golden, wide receiver (Texas)

15.Atlanta Falcons: Jalon Walker, inside linebacker/edge rusher (Georgia)

16.Arizona Cardinals: Mykel Williams, edge rusher (Georgia)

17.Cincinnati Bengals: Armand Membou, tackle (Missouri)

18.Seattle Seahawks: Kelvin Banks Jr., tackle (Texas)

19.Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Maxwell Hairston, cornerback (Kentucky)

20.Denver Broncos: Colston Loveland, tight end (Michigan)

21.Pittsburgh Steelers: Luther Burden III, wide receiver (Missouri)

22.Los Angeles Chargers: James Pearce Jr., edge rusher (Tennessee) 

23.Green Bay Packers: Josh Simmons, tackle (Ohio State) 

24.Minnesota Vikings: Malaki Starks, safety (Georgia)

25.Houston Texans: Josh Conerly, tackle (Oregon)

26.Los Angeles Rams: Emeka Egbuka, wide receiver (Ohio State)

27.Baltimore Ravens: Grey Zabel, tackle/guard (North Dakota State)

28.Detroit Lions: Donovan Ezeiruaku, edge rusher (Boston College)

29.Washington Commanders: Tyler Booker, guard (Alabama)

30.Buffalo Bills: Walter Nolen, defensive tackle (Ole Miss)

31.Kansas City Chiefs: Jihaad Campbell, inside linebacker (Alabama)

32.Philadelphia Eagles: Nic Scourton, edge rusher (Texas A&M)

Oscar Predictions

Best Picture:

Nominees:

Anora

The Brutalist

A Complete Unknown

Conclave

Dune: Part Two

Emilia Perez

I'm Still Here

Nickel Boys

The Substance

Wicked

Predicted Winner: Anora

This is a two-horse race between Anora and Conclave that got a lot more interesting after Conclave won Best Ensemble Cast and Anora got shut out entirely at the SAG Awards last weekend-making it only the 3rd film ever to go home empty at the SAG's after winning the top prize at the PGA, WGA and DGA Awards (the other two are Brokeback Mountain, which lost Best Picture to Crash and The Hurt Locker, which went onto win Best Picture). While Conclave has the benefit of being a more accessible film and having a slew of beloved veteran actors heading up its cast (Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow, Isabella Rossellini, Sergio Castellitto, Lucian Msamati), I'm still giving the edge to Anora here. Victories at Critic's Choice/DGA/PGA/WGA/Indie Spirit are a powerful combination when paired with its Palm d'or from last spring and the volume of passionate fans it has in the industry puts it in a good spot to perform well on the preferential ballot the Academy uses for its Best Picture voting. 

Best Director:

Jacques Audiard, Emilia Perez

Sean Baker, Anora

Brady Corbet, The Brutalist

Coralie Fargeat, The Substance

James Mangold, A Complete Unknown

Predicted Winner: Sean Baker

Despite still facing the legit threat of being upset by Brady Corbet, this feels like Baker's award to lose. Baker has been grinding on the indie film scene for almost 25 years at this point and his tremendous work on Anora feels like the perfect opportunity to honor one of the most quietly impactful American filmmakers of the 21st century.  

Best Actor:

Adrien Brody, The Brutalist

Timothee Chalamet, A Complete Unknown

Colman Domingo, Sing Sing

Ralph Fiennes, Conclave

Sebastian Stan, The Apprentice

Predicted Winner: Adrien Brody

Timothee Chalamet's shocking SAG victory threw a last second curveball into a race that was believed to have been firmly locked up by Brody. Ultimately, I don't think Brody is in any real danger of not winning an Oscar for a performance that has been widely hailed to be as good, if not better than the one that won him his first one 23 years ago, but this late-stage threat from one of the industry's brightest young stars has considerably elevated the excitement factor surrounding this award.     

Best Actress:

Cynthia Erivo, Wicked

Karla Sofia Gascon, Emilia Perez

Mikey Madison, Anora

Demi Moore, The Substance

Fernanda Torres, I'm Still Here

Predicted Winner: Demi Moore

Once again, the most tightly contested award of the night is Best Actress. Demi Moore looked like the runaway favorite after picking up Golden Globes and Critics Choice wins then she lost her favorite status to Mikey Madison after the Anora star took home both the BAFTA and Indie Spirit before she seized the momentum back with a SAG win. Fernanda Torres is also lurking as a potential dark horse contender after winning the Golden Globe last month and gradually picking up more support from the Academy voting body as I'm Still Here has released in more countries over the past several weeks. At the end of the day, I think Moore's status as an industry veteran who turned in the most celebrated performance of her career in her early 60's after being essentially written off as a serious actor for the past 20+ years puts in her pole position to take home the gold statue.     

Best Supporting Actor:

Yura Borisov, Anora

Kieran Culkin, A Real Pain

Edward Norton, A Complete Unknown

Guy Pearce, The Brutalist

Jeremy Strong, The Apprentice

Predicted Winner: Kieran Culkin

This is where the suspense surrounding the biggest awards of the night comes to a swift end. Culkin-who is the heart and soul of Jesse Eisenberg's excellent dramedy A Real Pain-has won every single race he's been in this season and there's just no way that he won't be adding an Oscar to his overflowing trophy case at this stage of the game. 

Best Supporting Actress:

Monica Barbaro, A Complete Unknown

Ariana Grande, Wicked

Felicity Jones, The Brutalist 

Isabella Rossellini, Conclave

Zoe Saldana, Emilia Perez

Predicted Winner: Zoe Saldana 

The sudden fall from grace that Emilia Perez has taken over the past month after star Karla Sofia Gascon's large collection of racist tweets came to light has managed to spare Saldana thus far and it would be shocking if that reckoning finally came on Oscar night. Like Culkin, she's won every award she's been up for this awards season and her long-standing positive reputation in the industry paired with the consensus opinion that she's the best part of Emilia Perez even from its many detractors has helped her remain afloat while her peers from Jaques Audiard's misguided Netflix musical have sunk.  

Other Awards:

Best Original Screenplay: Anora

Best Adapted Screenplay: Conclave

Best Animated Feature: The Wild Robot

Best Documentary Feature: Porcelain War 

Best International Feature: I'm Still Here

Best Cinematography: The Brutalist

Best Film Editing: Conclave

Best Original Score: The Brutalist

Best Original Song: "El Mal", Emilia Perez

Best Costume Design: Wicked

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: The Substance

Best Production Design: Wicked

Best Sound: Dune: Part Two

Best Visual Effects: Dune: Part Two

Best Animated Short Film: Wander to Wonder

Best Documentary Short Film: I Am Ready, Warden 

Best Live Action Short Film: The Man Who Could Not Remain Silent

What My Ballot Would Look Like If I Were an Academy Voter: 

Best Picture: Anora

Best Director: Sean Baker

Best Actor: Timothee Chalamet 

Best Actress: Mikey Madison

Best Supporting Actor: Kieran Culkin

Best Supporting Actress: Ariana Grande

Best Original Screenplay: Anora

Best Adapted Screenplay: A Complete Unknown

Best Animated Feature: The Wild Robot

Best Documentary Feature: Sugarcane

Best International Feature: Abstain 

Best Cinematography: Nosferatu 

Best Film Editing: Anora

Best Score: The Wild Robot

Best Original Song: "Like a Bird", Sing Sing

Best Costume Design: Wicked

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: The Substance

Best Production Design: Wicked

Best Sound: Dune: Part Two

Best Visual Effects: Dune: Part Two

Best Animated Short Film: Abstain

Best Documentary Short Film: Abstain

Best Live Action Short Film: Abstain 

2024 Best Picture Nominees Ranked

Welcome to this special edition of "Ranked", where I ranked this year's Best Picture nominees from worst to best. 

N/A: I'm Still Here:

Regrettably, I haven't able to catch this one yet and at this late stage of its theatrical run, will probably be reduced to waiting until it arrives on Netflix in the spring. Despite this, I'll be rooting like hell for it to take out Emilia Perez in the Best International Feature race.   

9.Emilia Perez:

For the second straight year, Netflix picks up the honor of having the Best Picture nominee that is the worst of the bunch by a considerable margin. Emilia Perez isn't just completely insensitive to the plight of trans people and anyone in Mexico that has endured the pain of someone they know disappearing at the hands of the cartels, it's a garbage musical with a comically unfocused plot, bizarre tonal shifts and songs that are so bereft of excitement or life that it would be easy to question whether or not the songwriters even wanted to be a part of such an abhorrent project. Shoutout to the Brazilian social media sleuths who unearthed the dozens of cartoonishly racist tweets that star Karla Sofia Gascon has posted over the years that immediately halted its surging Best Picture campaign after Gascon insulted I'm Still Here star Fernanda Torres in an interview. You'll forever be heroes in my book.      

Grade: D

8.The Brutalist:

Brady Corbert's historical epic about a Hungarian architect (Adrien Brody) who immigrates to America after the end of World War II accomplishes a few things that I didn't think were possible in film. 1.Making a 3+ hour film that feels rushed and underdeveloped by absolutely speed running through the second half of the film after taking great care in setting everything up in the first half. 2.An American writer/director who was born in the late 80's finding a way to insert himself via a prominent subtext about the importance of artists being granted full creative control on their projects into a story about a fucking Holocaust survivor struggling to assimilate to a new country after being forced from his home by Hitler. 3.An alleged throwback to Hollywood's glory days of making movies for adults by adults that treats its audiences like they're fucking 8 years old by delivering its messages about the facade that is the American dream, America's failure to live up to its promise of being an accepting land of opportunity for anyone that sets foots on its shores and the power that the rich have over the poor in an insultingly obvious manner. At least the performances and production design are good!               

Grade: C

7.Nickel Boys:

Look, I can't pretend for even a fraction of a second that I fully understood the purpose behind all of the creative choices RaMell Ross makes in Nickel Boys. With that being said, the film's daringly experimental storytelling/visual approach along with the gut-wrenching true story about two black teens' (Ethan Herisse, Brandon Wilson) experiences at a Florida reform school during the final years of Jim Crow-era America that all of these avant-garde filmmaking techniques were applied to are too powerful for me to not respect.   

Grade: B

6.Wicked:

Outside of a rough first act that had me questioning why the fuck I had trekked out to the theater to see it; I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Wicked. Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande are outstanding as the two unlikely friends turned reluctant enemies who go onto become the most two powerful witches in Oz, Jon M. Chu does a nice job of handling the film's massive scope without losing sight of the intimate emotional moments that drive the story and the excellent final act that culminates with Erivo's show-stopping performance of "Defying Gravity" sets up the sequel perfectly.    

Grade: B

5.Conclave:

Hiding a trashy airport paperback thriller about a group of catty, chain-smoking divas backstabbing each other for 2 hours inside of what appears to be a prestige drama centered around the election of a new Pope is one of the funniest Trojan Horses I've ever encountered in my life. The reactions that the anti-woke crowd have had to the ending has only made it even funnier. I still like the idea of the movie more than I like the movie itself, but maybe that will change with a rewatch.  

Grade: B

4.Dune: Part Two:

Nearly a year after its release, I'm still a tad underwhelmed by Dune Part: Two. As stunning as Denis Villeneuve's sci-fi epic manages to be during its spectacle-driven action beats, the sheer size of its universe and the wall that vastness puts around its many characters prevent the big emotional moments from landing with the universe-altering significance that they're intended to.     

Grade: B

3.A Complete Unknown:

While calling it subversive would be a stretch, outstanding performances from Timothee Chalamet, Monica Barbaro, Edward Norton and Elle Fanning, electrifying musical sequences and James Mangold's clear reverence for the musicians at the center of its story allow A Complete Unknown to eviscerate the staleness that often plagues music biopics.   

Grade: B+

2.The Substance:

Seeing The Substance vying for Best Picture is such an awesome surprise. Coralie Fargeat's sophomore feature is about as disgusting and uncommercial as a horror movie can possibly be and yet, it's blunt commentary on female beauty standards and career-defining performance from Demi Moore as an actress-turned-television fitness instructor who turns to the titular drug that uses the host's DNA to spawn a younger version of themselves (the similarly great Margaret Qualley) after being fired from her show on her 50th birthday for being "too old" has allowed it to resonate with viewers that would typically want nothing to do with a hard-R satirical body horror movie. Hopefully the embrace of The Substance will lead to more elite horror movies being recognized at the Oscars.        

Grade: A-

1.Anora:

Regardless of whether or not it takes home the Best Picture statue on Sunday night, Anora will be the winner in my heart. Indie stalwart Sean Baker has been building his entire career towards making a raw, painfully human movie that so deftly threads the needle between comedy, chaos and tragedy while Mikey Madison gives the kind of towering powerhouse performance as Brooklyn stripper Anora "Ani" Mikheeva that transforms actors into legends.           

Grade: A

Movie Review: The Monkey

At first glance, horror comedy and Osgood Perkins don't feel like a natural fit. Sure, Perkins' filmography has been fairly dynamic in terms of genre, but all of his films have operated in different registers of suffocating darkness. His latest film The Monkey provides him with a terrific opportunity to make something lighter in tone without abandoning his love of all things macabre. 

This is going to sound like a weird thing to say about a movie that centers around an indestructible toy monkey that causes horrifying accidental deaths to happen whenever somebody turns the key in its back, but The Monkey is a movie that Perkins is uniquely qualified to make. During his 51 years of life, Perkins has experienced a lot of death. Most notably, his parents Anthony Perkins and Berry Berenson died of AIDS and in one of the planes that hit the World Trade Center on 9/11 respectively. The pain of losing people at such a young age provides someone with a unique perspective on mortality and the wide array of manners in which life can come to an end. Since he's a horror filmmaker, he found a different kind of outlet to explore his grief: A sadistic splatter comedy that revels in the absurdity of this horrific universal experience.  

As the twin brothers Hal and Bill Shelburn (Theo James as an adult, Christian Convery as a teenager) that serve as the film's protagonists explain via voiceover narration at several points of the film, death is a completely random act that doesn't discriminate or show mercy. Some people die young, others die old. Some people die peacefully, others die horrifically. Some people die slowly over the course of many years, others go in an instant. This cruel, unavoidable fact of life is something that Perkins clearly knows all too well. He also knows that death and everything that encompasses it provides an exciting avenue in which comedy can thrive, which is the very reason that The Monkey manages to be great. 

Perkins has a dry, absurdist sense of humor that fills The Monkey with a twisted glee. He understands that it's such a rare thing to see death viewed through a prism of sadistic silliness and takes great pleasure in going completely wild with the opportunity that he's been provided. There were several scenes-particularly during a funeral scene, a death scene that takes place in a motel pool and Elijah Wood's cameo as the arrogant stepdad to Hal's son (Colin O'Brien)-where I was pretty much doubled over from laughing from the insanely fucked up, hilarious shit he put on screen. Not everybody is going to be able to get on aboard with something that is simultaneously extremely silly, weird and gory-especially if they were expecting something that flirted with straight horror-, but I deeply admired and enjoyed the twisted farce that Perkins was able to put together. 

Given how assured, demented and playful The Monkey is, I really hope that Perkins decides to return to horror comedies at some point in the future. This is the finest display of Perkins' skill as a filmmaker to date and it's almost kind of a shame that he's heading back to his grim register with his next feature Keeper-which is set to release in October. Alas, I had a ton of fun with The Monkey and I'm sure there are quite a few sick fucks out there who will too.      

                

Grade: B+

Movie Review: Captain America: Brave New World

To put it mildly, the MCU's Multiverse saga isn't going how Kevin Feige and co. hoped it would. A combination of nobody seeming to know where this shit is going from a worldbuilding standpoint, brand oversaturation primarily fueled by the introduction of the Disney+ shows beginning in 2021 and roughly half of their post-Endgame projects picking up mixed-to-below-average WOM has created a level of audience indifference that would've been difficult to conceive while they were riding high during the bulk of the 2010's.

About the only thing that has delivered great financial results for them of late is heading back to the nostalgia well whenever possible. The sweet, unapologetic embrace of all things from the past powered their star duo of Spider-Man: No Way Home and Deadpool & Wolverine to a staggering worldwide gross of $3.25 billion combined (for reference purposes, the other 9 MCU titles released during the 2020's prior to this year have made a combined total of $5.28 billion). Of course, this money trail has seemingly now offered the panic-stricken powers that be at Disney a road map forward: Fan service and aping beloved titles from their catalog. In the case of the latest MCU title Captain America: Brave New World, it was more of the latter as the film wants to recapture the political/espionage thriller vibes of 2014's Captain America: The Winter Solider for the big screen debut of Anthony Mackie's Cap. While calling Brave New World a success would be giving it more credit than it deserves, it didn't turn out too bad for a familiar recipe that had to be Frankenstein-ed 62 times after the team of chefs tasked with putting it together kept dropping it on the floor after they pulled it out of the oven.

For those who don't know what the stupid quip above is referring to, Brave New World went through quite the tumultuous production process. Principal photography lasted from March 21 to June 30,2023, which overlapped with the Writer's Strike and made Marvel's usual practice of daily script changes impossible for the final 2+ months of the shoot. Naturally, Disney wasn't pleased with the results from the initial shoot and ordered significant reshoots that reworked multiple action sequences and added and scrapped multiple characters/plot threads-which subsequently shifted its release date from July 2024 to the current February 2025 slot. What transpired here may've even been the catalyst for a huge philosophy shift for Marvel as they pushed back the production starts of Thunderbolts*, The Fantastic Four: First Steps and Blade-which remains in flux-in order to tighten up the scripts before production started. 

The evidence that Brave New World was being extensively reworked on the fly is all over the screen. Some of the VFX look completely unfinished, there's about 19 characters fighting for screen time in a movie that runs just under 2 hours and above all, the story feels like a completely random grab bag of narrative threads (Avengers teases! Multiple returning characters from the Edward Norton Hulk movie that barely anyone has thought of since 2008! Further examinations of the imposter syndrome that Sam Wilson feels about taking on the Captain America mantle after Steve Rogers that was pretty extensively explored in The Falcon and the Winter Solider!) that got thrown together at the last minute. As underdeveloped and overstuffed as it is, the movie remains relatively watchable throughout. There's an earnest effort from most of the primary cast (Mackie, Danny Ramirez, Harrison Ford, Tim Blake Nelson, Carl Lundly) to sell this as a hugely important film for the future of the MCU, the action sequences outside of a couple bizarrely-edited hand-to-hand fights in the early going are solid enough and despite the desperation of its posturing to be Winter Solider 2.0, it manages to never be boring. 

Now, praising Brave New World for being slightly above average is absolutely a ridiculous moral victory that doesn't make me feel better about the future of the MCU in the slightest. However, the blueprint for a full-blown Quantumania-esque disaster is sitting in the haphazardly assembled DNA of this film and it being able to avoid falling into a gaping hot spring of shit by simply showing some base level competency in several key areas is a pleasant surprise. Maybe next time around Mackie can get the proper Captain America showcase he deserves, but for now, everybody involved with this chaotic venture should just be happy that they found a way to clear the comically low bar that was set for it.                 

Grade: C+