Movie Review: Back in Action

 

What about Back in Action could've possibly inspired Cameron Diaz to end her decade-long hiatus from acting? The paycheck? While I'm sure it was nice, the odds that she's refused several big money offers over the past 10 years are high. An itch to return to the spy action comedy genre after Knight and Day? Perhaps! The opportunity to work with Jamie Foxx again? Honestly, this could very well be the main reason why as they have a good professional relationship that dates all the way back to 1999's Any Given Sunday. Regardless of what inspired Diaz to return to the profession that made her an international superstar, making Back in Action the launching off point for the second era of her screen career is a real head-scratcher since it's one of those duds that announces itself quickly and only gets worse as it limps to the finish line.

Back in Action is the next prime addition to the robust roster of blockbuster garbage that Netflix has put together since their commitment to producing their own films intensified back in 2017. The premise of a retired spy couple (Foxx, Diaz) being forced to return to the high stakes espionage life they left behind to start a family after becoming the unwitting stars of a viral video that reveals to their enemies that they aren't dead after all fits the streaming giant's signature mold of movies that were conceived exclusively by a boardroom full of bean-counting buffoons with zero creative instincts after being shown a chart of what titles did well on their service in recent years so perfectly that's actually hilarious. The action is chopped up to shit to conceal the fact that stunt doubles are handling the fights. 90% of the comedy consists of over-the-top product placement and jokes about hacky shit like "boomers", 'the cloud" and Glenn Close-who plays Diaz's estranged mother-dating a much younger man (Jamie Demetriou). A seemingly happy ending for the protagonists is abruptly interrupted by a sequel tease right before the end credits start rolling. Just a complete and total masterclass in algorithmic box-checking that Ted Sarandos should (and probably will) gloat about to every one of his cronies for the rest of 2025.     

Netflix's dedication to following their blueprint isn't at all surprising at this point. Making movies designed to be half watched while the viewer is regularly looking away from whatever screen it's playing on works for them since they can tout the strength of their meaningless viewership data to their shareholders on their quarterly earnings calls. But that doesn't make their signature approach any less embarrassing. They're shepherding in an entire new era of disengaged, unenthused viewers with their refusal to put together movies that have even the slightest interest in remaining in the cultural zeitgeist for more than five fucking minutes and if the death of cinema that cinephile alarmists have feared over the past several years ever materializes, these anti-creative bozos will be the ones holding the knife.

Whatever limited goodwill Back in Action picks up along the way solely rests on the shoulders of Diaz and Foxx-whose solid rapport provides just enough life to the thoroughly bland proceedings to elevate it from completely unbearable to almost completely unbearable. While thinking about how doomed this project would've been without them at the helm is a scary thought, they also would've been better off finding another project to reunite on. We're talking about two charismatic industry vets with names that can still attract eyeballs here. There had to be a better script for them out there than the unfunny, generic spy farce crap that writer/director Seth Gordon (Identity Thief, Horrible Bosses) and his co-writer Brendan O'Brien (Neighbors, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates) upchucked onto the page here. Now that Diaz is confirmed to be fully back in the swing of acting again (she's already completed production on the Jonah Hill-helmed dark comedy Outcome for Apple and will be returning to voice Princess Fiona in Shrek 5), maybe they can find something legitimately worthwhile for their next collaboration.                       

Grade: D+

Meredith Hagner Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Meredith Hagner-whose latest project "You're Cordially Invited" releases on Prime Video on Thursday.

Meredith Hagner's Filmography Ranked:

10.Brightburn (C-)

9.The Oath (C)

8.Irrational Man (C)

7.Vacation Friends 2 (B-)

6.Vacation Friends (B-)

5.Horse Girl (B-)

4.Joy Ride (B)

3.Set It Up (B)

2.Palm Springs (B+)

1.Ingrid Goes West (A)

Top Dog: Ingrid Goes West (2017)

As a biting satire of influencer culture and the facade of happiness that social media helps cultivate, Ingrid Goes West has aged exceptionally well since it was released nearly 8 years ago. The leaders of the ensemble cast (Aubrey Plaza, Elizabeth Olsen, O'Shea Jackson Jr., Wyatt Russell, Billy Magnussen) all deliver powerhouse performances, the script is sharp and hilarious, and the ending is a perfect albeit depressing encapsulation of the damage these fucking apps have done to people's psyches.  

Bottom Feeder: Brightburn (2019)

"What if Superman turned out to be evil" is an intriguing hook for a horror-driven take on the superhero genre. Unfourtnately, that great premise is completely wasted here. Outside of some gnarly gore in the second half, Brightburn doesn't do much right as budgetary constraints and silly, half-baked script from James Gunn's brother Brian and cousin Mark prevent the film from taking advantage of its cool setup.    

Most Underrated: Ingrid Goes West (2017)

As the longtime leader of the Ingrid Goes West fan club, all I'll say here that I didn't say above is that I believe that this film is a masterpiece and hope more people will check it out in the future.

Most Overrated: Joy Ride (2023)

While this is admittedly a bit unfair since Joy Ride completely bombed at the box office, I elected to put it here as the film generated a ton of critical buzz following its premiere at SXSW a few months before it was released. Adele Lim's buddy road comedy flys high at times with its string of hilarious vulgar gags and main cast (Ashley Park, Sherry Colla, Stephanie Hsu, Sabrina Wu) that complements each other perfectly, but ends up falling short of the greatness it regularly flirts with courtesy of an inconsistent joke hit rate outside of its bigger, more outrageous moments and dramatic final act that fails to generate its intended emotional impact.  

Top 10 Movie Action Sequences of 2024

Honorable Mentions:

"Zero Gravity"-Alien: Romulus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lNhzNLtmdY

"Jason Statham Disrupts Classy Function"-The Beekeeper

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg_sBVZZIQE

"Bathroom Fight"-Monkey Man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6TlNx-Cex4

"Final Fight"-The Shadow Strays

Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_238SZnMSwE

Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tANu4OgZfb4

"Rodeo/Motel Evacuation"-Twisters

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYnytCW0sT0

10.“The Battle of Numidia”-Gladiator II

This glorious battle sequence from the beginning of Gladiator II is a reminder to appreciate just how absurdly good Ridley Scott is at handling large-scale action while we still can.    

9.“Car Fight”-Carry-On

Both in and outside of the context of the film, this scene is completely whiplash-inducing as the constantly rotating camera, barrage of CGI car crashes happening in the background and inherent claustrophobia that comes with having a fight scene take place inside of a moving car makes it a true chaotic feast for the senses. Once I was able to take a breath and really focus in on what was going on, I was kind of blown away by the creativity and intensity of this scene and how it helped set the stage for the excellent second half of the film that elevated Carry-On to essential B-action thriller status.  

8.“Night Club Fight”-The Fall Guy

While picking such a short, small-scale scene from a movie that is full of huge stunts feels kind of wrong, I just love the way the effects of the hallucinogenic drug that Ryan Gosling's character had his drink spiked with are worked into the fight. Plus, the cinematography from Jonathan Sela is slick as hell here.       

7.“Dev Patel Escapes from Police Custody”-Monkey Man

What a frantic, unpredictable delight of an escape scene that makes great use of Patel's character's physical limitations and desire to avoid going to jail at all costs.       

6.“War Rig Assault”-Furiosa

The primary reason that I'm such a vocal opponent of Mad Mad: Fury Road is that the action is choppily edited and completely devoid of standout moments. George Miller solved that problem in a major way with the prequel Furiosa. This insane 17-minute sequence in which a rogue group attacks a "war rig" (for those unfamiliar with Mad Max, it's basically just a heavily armed supply tanker that's used to carry gas through the desert) has the crisp construction, epic scale and prolonged excitement that Fury Road lacked.     

5.“Opera House Massacre”-The Crow

There's not a ton of action in The Crow remake as the film spends quite a bit of time focusing on building up the tragic relationship between Eric Draven (Bill Skarsgard) and Shelley Webster (FKA twigs) before it delves into the supernatural revenge/vigilante elements of the story. However, once the action revs up at the start of the final act, we're treated to this spectacular splatterfest that makes the wait for the bodies to start dropping well worth it.       

4.“Club Fight”-The Shadow Strays

The blistering speed of the choreography, fluidity of the editing and unflinching brutality of the carnage on display is what makes Timo Tjahjanto one of the most impressive action directors working today. He finally got the opportunity to make the jump over to American cinema with Nobody 2-which is currently set to release in August-and I'll be curious to see how much of his style he applied to an effort that will inevitably be much less hardcore than what he's been making in Indonesia over the past 15 years.    

3.“Elevator Fight”-Bad Boys: Ride or Die

Shooting this fight from outside the elevator as its descending is an absolutely badass stylistic flourish that further elevates the intensity of this pivotal scene that sets the final act of Bad Boys: Ride or Die into motion.  

2.“Night Club Fight”-Monkey Man

Tired: How did Brady Corbet make The Brutalist for roughly $10 million?

Wired: How did Dev Patel make an action movie full of fight scenes as visceral, explosive and elaborately choreographed as this for $10 million?  

1.“Abandoned Alligator Park Showdown”-Bad Boys: Ride or Die

A truly insane highlight reel that showcases the unreal amount of juice Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah possess as action filmmakers. Everything from the first-person shooting sequences to the room-spanning drone shots to the various explosions from various causes that occur are seamlessly stitched together to create this consistently inventive, exhilarating blast of action movie nirvana that ended Bad Boys: Ride or Die on the highest note possible. If Kevin Feige doesn't approach them to direct the MCU Blade movie, he's making a huge mistake.      

NFL Conference Championship Predictions

Divisional Round Record: 2-2 (Correct: Chiefs, Eagles Incorrect: Lions, Ravens)

Overall Playoff Record: 6-4

Philadelphia Eagles over Washington Commanders:

Picking against the Commanders has served me so well the past two weeks, so why stop now?! As impressive as Jayden Daniels and co. looked last week, their flurry of takeaways made up for an otherwise horrendous defensive performance where the Lions moved the ball down field with ease and even if the Eagles passing game continues to falter with a clearly injured Jalen Hurts under center, the Saquon Barkley-led rushing attack should be able to do what they need to do to dominate the time of possession battle-especially with the extra motivation Barkley is likely to have after being inexplicably bottled up by them in the second half of their absurd Week 16 meeting in which the Commanders won after erasing 2 separate 4th quarter deficits despite turning the ball over 5 times. On top of that, the Eagles defense is the first group the Commanders have faced during this run that isn't depleted by injuries (although the health of rookie corner Quinyon Mitchell will be worth watching today after he exited last week's win over the Rams with a shoulder ailment)  and with right guard Sam Cosmi-who is their best lineman by far- now out for the season after tearing his ACL against the Lions, they could have some serious trouble dealing with the Eagles interior defensive line led by Jalen Carter that thwarted the Rams efforts to pull off a comeback win last week.      

Kansas City Chiefs over Buffalo Bills:

The Bills have largely outplayed the Chiefs this season and even handed them their only real loss of the regular season back in Week 11. It's just that on this high leverage stage; I have a far greater trust in the Chiefs ability to execute than the Bills. While they generally play the Chiefs close, the Bills are 0-3 against them in the playoffs during the Andy Reid/Patrick Mahomes-era and despite all the conspiracies about officiating bailing out the Chiefs being the catalyst for their victories, the reality is they've been able to make plays in crunch time that the Bills simply haven't. Maybe that changes today as the Chiefs are the most vulnerable they've been since 2020 when their dogshit offensive line and secondary caused them to get smacked by the Bucs in the Super Bowl thanks to their middling offense, I just won't believe that the Bills are capable of walking into Arrowhead and playing well enough to advance to their 1st Super Bowl in 32 years until it actually happens.     

January R-Rated Comedies (2000-2025) Ranked

On this special edition of "Ranked", I'm ranking January R-Rated Comedies Released from 2000-2025 in honor of "One of Them Days"-which is in theaters now. 

January R-Rated Comedies (2000-Present) Ranked:

17.Movie 43 (D)

16.Take the 10 (C-)

15.Like a Boss (C-)

14.Mortdecai (C-)

13.House Party (C)

12.Shotgun Wedding (C+)

11.You People (C+)

10.Fifty Shades of Black (C+)

9.The Underdoggs (B-)

8.No Strings Attached (B-)

7.Youth in Revolt (B-)

6.Self Reliance (B)

5.Dirty Grandpa (B)

4.That Awkward Moment (B)

3.Next Friday (B)

2.The Wedding Ringer (B)

1.Grandma's Boy (A)

Top Dog: Grandma's Boy (2006)

A real degenerate cult classic for people that were between the ages of 12 and 25 in 2006, Grandma's Boy is a tremendous stoner comedy with immaculate hangout vibes, delightfully stupid gags and Linda Cardellini doing Linda Cardellini shit (being effortlessly charming, funny and hot). 

Bottom Feeder: Movie 43 (2013)

When people go off about January being a dumping ground for the biggest pieces of shit studios have kicking around in their vaults, they're referring to stuff like Movie 43. The only thing that's funny about this anthology comedy that features segments directed by the likes of future Oscar winner Peter Farrelly, James Gunn and Elizabeth Banks-who also stars in Gunn's sketch-is that someone was able to convince a small army of stars (Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Emma Stone, Gerard Butler, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Richard Gere and Uma Thurman are among the 30+ recognizable faces that show up here) to appear in a collection of hacky gross-out bits that should've been quietly dumped onto YouTube.  

Most Underrated: The Wedding Ringer (2015)

I actually just rewatched this on Tuesday for the first time since I saw it in theaters 10 years ago and outside of a handful of questionable jokes, it's held up pretty well. Kevin Hart and Josh Gad make for a strong comedy odd couple, there's a surprising warmth underneath all of the vulgarity and the eulogy and family lunch scenes got me to have extended laughing fits.  

Most Overrated: None

We're dealing with a crop of movies here that mostly didn't do well at the box office or enjoy any kind of enduring popularity, which makes it impossible for me to label any of them overrated. 

Oscar Nomination Predictions

After a couple of delays on account of the wildfires currently devastating Los Angeles, the nominations for this year's Oscars will be announced tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM EST by Rachel Sennott and Bowen Yang. Here are the people and films I expect to be competing for the most prestigious awards in American cinema.   

Best Picture:

Anora

The Brutalist

A Complete Unknown

Conclave

Dune: Part Two

Emilia Perez

A Real Pain

Sing Sing

The Substance

Wicked

Locks: Anora, The Brutalist, A Complete Unknown, Conclave, Emilia Perez, The Substance, Wicked

Toss-Ups: Dune: Part Two, A Real Pain, Sing Sing

Other Possible Contenders: All We Imagine as Light, I'm Still Here, Nickel Boys, The Seed of the Sacred Fig, September 5

Best Director:

Jacques Audiard, Emilia Perez

Sean Baker, Anora

Edward Berger, Conclave

Brady Corbet, The Brutalist

Coralie Fargeat, The Substance

Locks: Jacques Audiard, Sean Baker, Edward Berger, Brady Corbet

Toss-Up: Coralie Fargeat

Other Possible Contenders: Jon M. Chu (Wicked), James Mangold (A Complete Unknown), Mohammad Rasoulouf (The Seed of the Sacred Fig), RaMell Ross (Nickel Boys), Denis Villeneuve (Dune: Part Two)

Best Actor:

Adrien Brody, The Brutalist

Timothee Chalamet, A Complete Unknown

Daniel Craig, Queer

Colman Domingo, Sing Sing

Ralph Fiennes, Conclave  

Locks: Adrien Brody, Timothee Chalamet, Ralph Fiennes

Toss-Ups: Daniel Craig, Colman Domingo

Other Possible Contenders: Jesse Eisenberg (A Real Pain), Hugh Grant (Heretic), Glen Powell (Hit Man), Sebastian Stan (The Apprentice), Sebastian Stan (A Different Man)

Best Actress:

Cynthia Erivo, Wicked

Karla Sofia Gascon, Emilia Perez

Mikey Madison, Anora

Demi Moore, The Substance

Fernanda Torres, I'm Still Here 

Locks: Karla Sofia Gascon, Mikey Madison, Demi Moore

Toss-Ups: Cynthia Erivo, Fernanda Torres

Other Possible Contenders: Pamela Anderson (The Last Showgirl), Marianne Jean-Baptiste (Hard Truths), Angelina Jolie (Maria), Nicole Kidman (Babygirl), Saoirse Ronan (The Outrun)

Best Supporting Actor:

Yura Borisov, Anora

Kieran Culkin, A Real Pain

Edward Norton, A Complete Unknown

Guy Pearce, The Brutalist 

Jeremy Strong, The Apprentice

Locks: Yura Borisov, Kieran Culkin

Toss-Ups: Edward Norton, Guy Pearce, Jeremy Strong

Other Possible Contenders: Jonathan Bailey (Wicked), Mark Eydelshteyn (Anora), Clarence Maclin (Sing Sing), Stanley Tucci (Conclave), Denzel Washington (Gladiator II)

Best Supporting Actress:

Monica Barbaro, A Complete Unknown

Jamie Lee Curtis, The Last Showgirl

Ariana Grande, Wicked

Isabella Rossellini, Conclave

Zoe Saldana, Emilia Perez

Locks: Ariana Grande, Zoe Saldana

Toss-Ups: Monica Barbaro, Jamie Lee Curtis, Isabella Rossellini

Other Possible Contenders: Danielle Deadwyler (The Piano Lesson), Elle Fanning (A Complete Unknown), Selena Gomez (Emilia Perez), Felicity Jones (The Brutalist), Margaret Qualley (The Substance) 

Best Original Screenplay:

Anora

The Brutalist

A Real Pain

September 5

The Substance

Locks: Anora, The Brutalist, A Real Pain, The Substance

Toss-Up: September 5

Other Possible Contenders: All We Imagine as Light, Challengers, Hard Truths, Juror #2, The Seed of the Sacred Fig

Best Adapted Screenplay:

A Complete Unknown

Conclave

Emilia Perez

Nickel Boys

Sing Sing

Locks: A Complete Unknown, Conclave, Emilia Perez

Toss-Ups: Nickel Boys, Sing Sing

Other Possible Contenders: Dune: Part Two, Hit Man, I'm Still Here, Nosferatu, Wicked

Best Animated Feature:

Flow

Inside Out 2

Memoir of a Snail

Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl 

The Wild Robot

Locks: Flow, Inside Out 2, Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl, The Wild Robot

Toss-Up: Memoir of a Snail

Other Possible Contenders: Chicken for Linda, Moana 2, Transformers One 

Best Documentary Feature:

Black Box Diaries

Daughters

No Other Land

Soundtrack to a Coup D'Etat

Sugarcane 

Locks: No Other Land, Sugarcane

Toss-Ups: Black Box Diaries, Daughters, Soundtrack to a Coup D'Etat

Other Possible Contenders: The Bibi Files, Dahomey, Porcelain War, The Remarkable Life of Ibelin, Will & Harper

Best International Feature:

Emilia Perez

I'm Still Here

Kneecap

The Seed of the Sacred Fig

Vermiglio 

Locks: Emilia Perez, I'm Still Here

Toss-Ups: Kneecap, The Seed of the Sacred Fig, Vermiglio 

Other Possible Contenders: Flow, From Ground Zero, The Girl with the Needle, How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies, Universal Language 

Best Cinematography:

The Brutalist

Conclave

Dune: Part Two

Nickel Boys

Nosferatu

Locks: The Brutalist, Conclave, Dune: Part Two

Toss-Ups: Nickel Boys, Nosferatu

Other Possible Contenders: A Complete Unknown, Emilia Perez, The Girl with the Needle, Maria, Wicked

Best Film Editing:

Anora

The Brutalist

Conclave

Dune: Part Two

Emilia Perez

Locks: Anora, Conclave, Dune: Part Two, Emilia Perez

Toss-Up: The Brutalist

Other Possible Contenders: A Complete Unknown, Challengers, September 5, The Substance, Wicked

Best Original Score:

The Brutalist

Challengers

Conclave

Emilia Perez

The Wild Robot

Locks: The Brutalist, Conclave, Emilia Perez

Toss-Ups: Challengers, The Wild Robot

Other Possible Contenders: Blitz, Gladiator II, Nosferatu, The Room Next Door, Wicked

Best Original Song:

"El Mal", Emilia Perez

"The Journey", The Six Triple Eight

"Kiss the Sky", The Wild Robot

 "Mi Camino", Emilia Perez

"Never Too Late", Elton John: Never Too Late

Locks: "El Mal", "Kiss the Sky", "Mi Camino"

Toss-Ups: "The Journey", "Never Too Late"

Other Possible Contenders: "Beyond" (Moana 2), "Compress/Repress" (Challengers), "Harper and Will Go West" (Will & Harper), "Like a Bird (Sing Sing), "Sick in the Head" (Kneecap)

Best Costume Design:

Conclave

Dune: Part Two

Gladiator II 

Nosferatu

Wicked 

Locks: Dune: Part Two, Nosferatu, Wicked

Toss-Ups: Conclave, Gladiator II

Other Possible Contenders: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, Blitz, The Brutalist, A Complete Unkown, Maria

Best Makeup & Hairstyling:

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice 

A Different Man

Nosferatu

The Substance 

Wicked

Locks:  Nosferatu, The Substance, Wicked

Toss-Ups: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, A Different Man

Other Possible Contenders: Dune: Part Two, Emilia Perez, Waltzing with Brando 

Best Production Design:

The Brutalist

Conclave

Dune: Part Two

Nosferatu

Wicked

Locks: The Brutalist, Dune: Part Two, Wicked

Toss-Ups: Conclave, Nosferatu

Other Possible Contenders: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, Blitz, A Complete Unknown, Gladiator II, The Substance

Best Sound:

A Complete Unknown

Dune: Part Two

Emilia Perez

Gladiator II

Wicked

Best Visual Effects:

Better Man

Dune: Part Two

Gladiator II 

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

Wicked

Best Animated Short:

A Bear Named Wojtek 

A Crab in the Pool

Me

Yuck!

Wander to Wonder 

Best Documentary Short:

Chasing Roo

Incident 

Makayla's Voice: A Letter to the World 

Once Upon a Time in Ukraine 

A Swim Lesson

Best Live Action Short:

Anjua 

An Orange from Jaffa 

Dovecote

The Man Who Could Not Remain Silent

The Masterpiece 

Quick Movie Reviews: Better Man, Den of Thieves 2: Pantera, Wolf Man, Presence

Better Man: The best musical of the year isn't Wicked and it sure as shit isn't Emilia Perez, it's a biopic about British pop singer Robbie Williams. Starting with the choice to portray Williams as a CGI monkey (it makes total sense narratively, but I'm not going to spoil why this is the case here), Better Man spices up the routine structure of a music biopic with some huge creative swings and having the huge luxury of a subject that is unafraid to look like a huge asshole or be truly vulnerable while telling their story on screen. Michael Gracey (The Greatest Showman) directs with a mixture of go-for-broke energy, gonzo surrealism and astounding technical prowess as he weaves a compelling speed run through Williams unlikely path to superstardom and the depression/substance abuse/infidelity/narcissism that caused him to completely lose his way once he got to the top. The musical numbers-which are seamlessly mixed into the story-are a particularly strong showcase for what Gracey and Williams wanted to do here as they are these consistently huge, elaborate sequences that are overflowing with style and precision that also manage to really drive home the emotional high and lows of the story. Seeing a music biopic that is so daring and carefully crafted is kind of a small miracle and I really hope that this will eventually find the audience that it failed to during its theatrical run.         

Grade: B+

Den of Thieves 2: Pantera: Big Nick (Gerard Butler) and Donnie (O'Shea Jackson Jr.) are back in the big game heist saddle with Den of Thieves 2 and just like it's terrific predecessor, it's a new January movie classic. The embrace of a looser, sillier tone fits the European vacation vibe of the movie without losing sight of the unapologetic macho sleaze factor that made the original so appealing, having Butler's Big Nick switch from cop to thief is a genius choice that takes great advantage of the character's pervasive natural dirtbaggery and the combative frenemy chemistry he has with Jackson Jr. and writer/director Christan Gudegast once again crafts the hell out of the film's wildly tense heist/action sequences (the final shootout/car chase through the winding tunnels and oceanside roads of the France/Italy border is IMMENSE). A 3rd round with Big Nick, Donnie and co. would be a gift, especially given the absolutely fucking insane note that this one ends on.         

Grade: B+

Wolf Man: Despite operating in similar territory as his excellent remake of The Invisible Man, Leigh Whannell's second trip to the Universal Monsters well didn't go nearly as smoothly as the first. What makes Wolf Man particularly frustrating is that it doesn't just have a good idea (following a car accident in the rural Oregon woods in which he is scratched by a mysterious creature, a man begins to rapidly transform into a violent monster- putting his wife and daughter in imminent danger) for a fresh spin on the classic werewolf tale, quite a bit of it really works. The gruesome practical effects along with the "infected" human/wolf hybrid monster design look awesome, the sound design is crunchy and visceral, and Whannell's signature stylistic flourishes are on full display as he regularly puts the viewer directly into the shoes of the shocking transformations that Christopher Abbott's character goes through as his entire perception of the world shifts to that of a wolf (thermal vision, growing of claws, loss of the ability to speak or understand human languages) via some inventive camerawork, shot selections and CGI use. Where Wolf Man goes wrong is in its clunky attempts to merge the creature horror with a domestic drama. The human elements of the story-which deals with generational trauma and how it can impact your behavior and ability to build healthy relationships for a lifetime-are really underdeveloped and since so much of the story is grounded in the pain of a family seeing someone they love become a monster and a man whose been fighting his whole life to become a better person succumb to the same demons that scarred him, it lacks any form of real emotional punch. It's pretty clear that the script needed a rewrite or two to get it where it needed to be, and it really sucks that it didn't happen because there is a really great movie buried in Wolf Man that's begging to be extracted from below its merely decent surface.     

Grade: B-

Presence: Marketing Steven Soderbergh's Presence as a horror movie is a really odd choice by Neon. It is very explicitly a family drama that just happens to be told from the POV perspective of a ghost that haunts a house in New Jersey that was recently purchased by a family (Lucy Liu, Chris Sullivan, Callina Liang, Eddy Maday) that's in a state of serious personal turmoil. Despite its questionable genre billing, Presence is another admirably unique dice roll from Soderbergh. The way that film is shot and cut together gives the film a voyeuristic feel that provides an intimate look at the various dynamics that exist in this fractured family as they navigate some really major shit that threatens to tear them apart forever and the performances from all four leads are all chillingly authentic. Honestly, everything was going pretty great until its abrupt, ridiculous ending occurs and takes a huge dump on what preceded it. While I still would've been puzzled by it, I would've been much more willing to accept such a jarringly cartoonish ending to an otherwise pretty grounded movie if it didn't elect to suddenly abandon several key plot threads without even providing the viewer with a sincere opportunity to draw their own conclusions in the process. Vets like Soderbergh and screenwriter David Koepp pulling off something so lazy and poorly conceived is kind of shocking and it's what I'll ultimately associate Presence with above anything else.             

Grade: B-

NFL Divisional Round Predictions

Wild Card Record: 4-2 (Correct: Ravens, Bills, Eagles, Rams Incorrect: Chargers, Buccaneers)

Kansas City Chiefs over Houston Texans:

The Texans deserve a ton for credit for the way they played last week against the Chargers. Their defense allowed to them overcome their early turnovers/offensive ineffectiveness by keeping the Chargers out of the endzone when they had short fields on three drives in the first half and the relentless pressure they put on Justin Herbet forced him to have one of the worst games of his career while C.J. Stroud put up a big time performance that was full of clutch plays that allowed them to blow the game wide open in the second half. Despite coming off such an impressive effort that shut up a lot of doubters (myself included), playing the Chiefs is a whole different beast that I don't think they'll be able to overcome. Andy Reid-coached teams are incredibly difficult to beat when they're coming off a bye, the Chiefs offense were in their finest form of the season in the 2 games before the Week 18 finale against the Broncos where they rested their starters and perhaps most importantly, the Texans lack of experience playing in cold weather games (the projected temperature in Kansas City this afternoon is 20 degrees) could end up biting them in the ass.     

Detroit Lions over Washington Commanders:

Not to be the asshole that takes the wind out of the sails of a long-suffering franchise that picked up their first playoff win in almost 20 years, but I just wasn't all that impressed with how the Commanders played in their win over the Bucs last Sunday night. Jayden Daniels simply just did his job as an NFL starting quarterback well as he had plenty of time to throw and the Bucs depleted, horseshit secondary couldn't cover their receivers (especially on 3rd down), their defense got run over on just about every drive where the Bucs offense had the decency to not shoot themselves in the foot with penalties and an absurd fumble on a botched handoff from Baker Mayfield with their backs against their own endzone in the 4th quarter is the top reason Dan Quinn embracing his inner Dan Campbell by going for it on 4th down (and failing) twice while in chip shot field goal territory didn't cost them the game. They're not likely to be presented with such a favorable scenario when take on the Lions tonight. Quite frankly, I think the Commanders below average defense are going to get knocked on their ass by the physicality, firepower and dynamism the Lions offense possesses and it's not really going to matter what Daniels and co. can or can't do against whatever version of the banged-up Lions defense shows up.   

Philadelphia Eagles over Los Angeles Rams:

With snow in the forecast for Philadelphia, running the ball and defending the run is likely going to dictate the outcome of Eagles/Rams. While the Rams are better in these areas than their regular season stats indicate (24th in rushing offense, 22nd in rushing defense), I just can't pick against the Eagles in a game with these conditions. Saquon Barkley has been the most dominant back in the league this year running behind the best o-line in football and the Eagles front full of behemoths were built for ugly, trenches-driven January football.    

Baltimore Ravens over Buffalo Bills:

Much is being made about how cold it is going to be in Orchard Park tomorrow (roughly 10 degrees at kickoff at 6:30 PM EST) and how the Ravens-specifically Lamar Jackson-could struggle in those conditions. Whatever the outcome of this game ends up being, I don't think the cold is going to be a factor. Maryland isn't a place that's shielded from winter weather (nor are the outdoor home stadiums of all 3 of their rivals in the AFC North) and while as a native of southern Florida I'm sure he's no fan of the cold; Jackson has been playing in these types of conditions since his college days at Louisville.

What I do believe will likely determine who moves onto the AFC Championship Game is whose defense will be able to do a better job of slowing down the opposing offense. On those grounds, I believe the Ravens have the edge and that's why I'm picking to them win here. As exploitable as Brandon Stephens and Nate Wiggins are at corner, the Ravens defense has been among the best in the league in nearly every important category (points/YDS allowed, takeaways, 3rd down % percentage allowed, red zone defense) since mid-November when they shifted Kyle Hamilton back to safety full-time and I think they're well-equipped to contain the Bills varied RB committee and take away a lot of the slot looks from Khalil Shakir and Mack Hollins that are such a big part of their passing attack. On the other side, I just don't think the Bills have the grit or the discipline in the front 7 to slow down the freight train of a rushing attack that allows the Ravens to dictate the entire pace of the game and gradually wear down their opponents through the combination of speed and power they're putting on the field. And if Josh Allen has his number of possessions limited by ball control, the Bills probably aren't going to win that game.    

Cameron Diaz Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Cameron Diaz-whose latest project "Back in Action" releases on Netflix this Friday.  

Cameron Diaz's Filmography Ranked:

20.The Other Woman (D-)

19.Very Bad Things (D)

18.The Counselor (D+)

17.What to Expect When You're Expecting (D+)

16.The Sweetest Thing (C-)

15.Any Given Sunday (C-)

14.Sex Tape (C)

13.Charlie's Angels (C)

12.Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (C+)

11.The Green Hornet (B-)

10.Knight and Day (B-)

9.Bad Teacher (B-)

8.Gangs of New York (B-)

7.The Holiday (B-)

6.Being John Malkovich (B-)

5.Shrek 2 (B)

4.The Mask (B)

3.There's Something About Mary (B+)

2.Shrek (B+)

1.Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (A)

Top Dog: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Just the ultimate adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson's borderline unadaptable material. Terry Gilliam flawlessly captures the psychedelic, paranoid absurdist comedy of Thompson's fragmented substance-fueled writing via a wildly entertaining episodic narrative and Johnny Depp and Benicio del Toro fully embrace the madness their characters get into with their demented, hilarious performances.     

Bottom Feeder: The Other Woman (2014)

The first of the three Diaz films released in 2014 before she elected to go on a decade-long hiatus from acting, The Other Woman is an awful movie full of unfunny jokes and bad performances from an ensemble cast (Diaz, Leslie Mann, Kate Upton, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Nicki Minaj, Don Johnson) that have zero chemistry together.  

Most Underrated: Bad Teacher (2011)

Are there plenty of other R-rated comedies that I'd rather watch than Bad Teacher? Absolutely. I just happen to think this movie is far funnier than it's given credit for. Diaz is a hoot as the titular selfish, disengaged shitbag teacher who goes to great lengths to try and woo her new co-worker (Justin Timberlake) and Jason Segel does some of the most underrated comedic work of his career as the affable gym teacher who has a crush on her.  

Most Overrated: Any Given Sunday (1999)

Oliver Stone's barrage of frantic editing and camerawork techniques become exhausting before this bloated below average soap opera about a flailing football team whose fortunes reserve when their third-string quarterback (Jamie Foxx) is forced into action reaches the one-hour mark. Adding to its grating nature is Al Pacino turning in his Mona Lisa of ineffective overacting as the team's aging legendary coach Tony D'Amato and a breathtakingly stupid ending that makes the finale of Draft Day look completely grounded.       

2024 NFL All-Pro Team

Quarterback

1st team: Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

2nd team: Joe Burrow (Bengals)

Running Back

1st team: Saquon Barkley (Eagles), Derrick Henry (Ravens)

2nd team: Josh Jacobs (Packers), Bijan Robinson (Falcons)

Wide Receiver

1st team: Ja'Marr Chase (Bengals), Justin Jefferson (Vikings)

2nd team: Amon-Ra St. Brown (Lions), Drake London (Falcons)

Tight End

1st team: George Kittle (49ers)

2nd team: Brock Bowers (Raiders)

Tackle

1st team: Jordan Mailata (Eagles), Zach Tom (Packers)

2nd team: Rashawn Slater (Chargers), Penei Sewell (Lions)   

Guard

1st team: Chris Lindstrom (Falcons), Kevin Zeitler (Lions)

2nd team: Quenton Nelson (Colts), Quinn Minerz (Broncos)

Center

1st team: Creed Humphrey (Chiefs)

2nd team: Frank Ragnow (Lions)

Defensive End

1st team: Myles Garrett (Browns), Trey Hendrickson (Bengals)

2nd team: Nick Bosa (49ers), Leonard Williams (Seahawks)

Defensive Tackle

1st team: Cameron Heyward (Steelers), Chris Jones (Chiefs)

2nd team: Jeffrey Simmons (Titans), Dexter Lawrence (Giants)

Outside Linebacker

1st team: T.J. Watt (Steelers), Jonathan Greenard (Vikings)

2nd team: Jared Verse (Rams), Khalil Mack (Chargers)

Inside Linebacker

1st team: Zack Baun (Eagles), Fred Warner (49ers)

2nd team: Bobby Wagner (Commanders), Jordyn Brooks (Dolphins)

Cornerback

1st team: Patrick Surtain II (Broncos), Trent McDuffie (Chiefs)

2nd team: Christian Benford (Bills), Marlon Humphrey (Ravens)

Safety

1st team: Kerby Joseph (Lions), Xavier McKinney (Packers)

2nd team: Kyle Hamilton (Ravens), Brandon Jones (Broncos)

Kicker

1st team: Chris Boswell (Steelers)

2nd team: Cameron Dicker (Chargers)

Punter

1st team: Jack Fox (Lions)

2nd team: Logan Cooke (Jaguars)

Return Specialist:

1st team: KaVontae Turpin (Cowboys), Marvin Mims Jr. (Broncos)

2nd team: Austin Ekeler (Commanders), Kalif Raymond (Lions)

Special Teamer:

1st team: Brenden Schooler (Patriots)

2nd team: J.T. Gray (Saints)

NFL Wild Card Predictions

Los Angeles Chargers over Houston Texans:

Wild Card Weekend wouldn't be quite the same if the Texans weren't playing in the 4:30 PM EST slot on Saturday. Unfortunately for them, they drew the shittiest matchup they possibly could in this round in the Chargers. A Texans offense that has been stagnant as hell for much of the past month is going to have their work cut out for them against a Chargers defense that is physical and fast at all 3 levels and Justin Herbert-whose quietly been playing the best football of his career this year despite being in Greg Roman's ultraconservative system-should be eager to prove his doubters wrong in his 1st playoff game since the infamous debacle against the Jaguars 2 years ago.  

Balitmore Ravens over Pittsburgh Steelers:

Anything can happen when divisional opponents meet for the 3rd time in a season. However, it would be a major shock if the Ravens didn't take this game-even with top wideout Zay Flowers out of the lineup with a knee sprain and the very legit concerns that remain over Lamar Jackson's ability to deliver in the playoffs. The Steelers have looked overmatched and completely rudderless during their current 4-game losing game streak while the Ravens have been rolling over the same stretch-going 4-0 and beating their opponents by a combined score of 135-43 (including a 34-17 win over the Steelers on December 21st). It's going to take a major change of fortune for this Steelers team to win this game given how terrible they've played over the last month and I just don't see them being able to do that against a Ravens offense that can wear you down with Derrick Henry or attack you through the air in a variety of ways and a defense that has really tightened up over the last 8 weeks or so after a rough start to the year.   

Buffalo Bills over Denver Broncos:

This is a sneaky prime upset spot on this slate. As much as everybody in Buffalo would like to forget that it happened, it was just 2 short years ago on Wild Card Weekend that they narrowly defeated the Skylar Thompson-led Dolphins on their home field and it would be the most Bills thing in the world to overlook a Broncos team that isn't overly talented on paper and is led by a rookie quarterback that most people think is just fine as a player. Despite the plausibility of this scenario playing out, I'm just not confident enough in the Broncos as an operation to pick them to win. Josh Allen is a dynamic enough quarterback to potentially shred their solid but overrated defense that has gotten torched by great QB's including Lamar Jackson, Joe Burrow and Justin Herbert this season, Sean Payton has gone 4-7 in the playoffs since winning the Super Bowl with the Saints in 2009 and excluding last week's win against the Chiefs backups, the Broncos are a horrid 1-5 against playoff teams during the 2024 campaign.    

Philadelphia Eagles over Green Bay Packers:

Can the Packers knock off a heavily favored NFC East team as the #7 seed for a 2nd straight season? Sure. Their run defense-which has been great since roughly the halfway point of the season-has what it takes to slow down Saquon Barkley-who is the undisputed focal point of their offense and Matt LaFluer is capable of coaching circles around Nick Sirianni. But just like the Broncos, I'm just not quite sold on them having the horses required to beat a loaded Eagles team. The Packers secondary is very exploitable if Jalen Hurts can settle into a groove as a passer after missing the past 2.5 games with a concussion and while Josh Jacobs could find some room to run like he did in their Week 1 matchup in Sao Paulo, Jordan Love being asked to throw against the Eagles top-ranked pass D amidst his current struggles feels like a tall order that he probably won't be able to deliver on.  

Tampa Bay Buccaneers over Washington Commanders:

Picking the Bucs here feels like I'm really playing with fire. Their defense cannot defend the pass at all and their stupid, sloppy performances in 2 of their past 3 games doesn't provide much optimism about their ability to go on a run in the playoffs. It really just comes down to me liking the way Baker Mayfield plays in playoff games and having absolutely zero confidence in Commanders OC Kliff Kingsbury's ability to call the right plays in a high leverage situation like this.     

Los Angeles Rams over Minnesota Vikings:

Setting aside the potential for an emotional boost or drain on account of the devastating wildfires ravaging through LA for a moment, I really like the Rams in this spot. Sean McVay most likely knows everything his protege Kevin O'Connell is going to cook up on offense, the Vikings continued struggles at slot corner opens the door for Puka Nacua to go absolutely wild and despite his recent stretch of poor play, I still trust Matthew Stafford way more than Sam Darnold in a game like this-especially after Darnold's horrendous performance against the Lions last week. 

2024 in Movies: A Year in Review

Over the last few weeks as year-end best lists and nominations for various awards shows have trickled out, I've seen a lot of takes lamenting how 2024 was a poor or mediocre year for movies. To quote the great Howard Ratner, "I disagree". Was it one of the greatest years in recent memory? No. The production disruptions from 2023's strikes made that a near impossibility before the year even started. There's just no fucking way that I can sit here with a straight face and say that a year that produced stuff like Anora, Challengers and The Substance was underwhelming. On top of those films that all appeared in my top 5, the B+ or 8/10 tier of movies for me was in line with the previous couple years and that volume of doubles and triples made up for the smaller number of home runs. Maybe I'm too high on the artform as a whole to be overly critical of it or have just reached a point where I'm not going to dump all over an entire slate of films on the grounds of it not having enough A-level movies for my liking, but that's just how I feel damn it!   

Below, you'll find a list of every movie I saw in 2024 ranked from worst to best (with grades) along with a lengthy list of awards and superlatives that cover everything from the best performances to the biggest surprises/letdowns to the 10 movies I'm most excited to (hopefully) see in 2025. Hope you enjoy.  

Still Need to See:

The 4:30 Movie 

Absolution

AGGRO DR1FT

All We Imagine as Light 

Arcadian

Azrael

Better Man

Between the Temples

The Bricklayer 

The Brutalist

Canary Black

Dandelion

Daughters

Don't Move

Elevation

Exhibiting Forgiveness

Ezra

A Family Affair 

Flow

Get Away

Ghostlight

Girl You Know It's True

Goodrich

The Greatest Hits 

The Gutter 

Hard Truths

Hate to Love: Nickelback

Hellboy: The Crooked Man

Here

I'm Still Here

Incoming

In the Summers

Janet Planet

The Last Stop in Yuma County 

Late Bloomers

Lee

Life After Fighting

The Line 

The Listener 

Los Frikis

MadS

Magpie 

Maria

Mayhem!

Memoir of a Snail

Mothers' Instinct

MoviePass, MovieCrash

My Spy: The Eternal City

National Anthem

Nightbitch

Nickel Boys

Oddity

Omni Loop

One Life

The Order

Parachute

The People's Joker 

Piece by Piece

Poolman

Red Right Hand

Red Rooms

The Remarkable Life of Ibelin 

The Room Next Door

Salem's Lot

Sasquatch Sunset

Scrambled

The Seed of the Sacred Fig 

The Silent Hour 

Sing Sing

Sleep

Small Things Like These

Spaceman

Stress Positions

Subservience

Sugarcane 

Suncoast

Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story

Sweethearts

Trigger Warning

Tuesday

Turtles All the Way Down

Unstoppable

Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl

Weekend in Taipei

Winner

Young Woman and the Sea

135.Bob Marley: One Love (D)

134.Miller's Girl (D)

133.Atlas (D)

132.Night Swim (D+)

131.Rebel Moon: Part Two-The Scargiver (D+)

130.Borderlands (D+)

129.Brothers (D+)

128.Caddo Lake (D+)

127.Players (C-)

126.Sleeping Dogs (C-)

125.Emilia Perez (C-)

124.Madame Web (C-)

123.Back to Black (C)

122.Lift (C)

121.The Book of Clarence (C)

120.Slingshot (C)

119.Megalopolis (C)

118.Nutcrackers (C)

117.The Watchers (C)

116.Red One (C)

115.Unfrosted (C)

114.Tarot (C)

113.Killer Heat (C)

112.Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (C)

111.Queer (C)

110.It's What's Inside (C)

109.Trap (C)

108.Werewolves (C+)

107.Transformers One (C+)

106.Cuckoo (C+)

105.Lisa Frankenstein (C+)

104.Arthur the King (B-)

103.Boy Kills World (B-)

102.The Strangers: Chapter 1 (B-)

101.Mean Girls (B-)

100.I.S.S. (B-)

99.Kung Fu Panda 4 (B-)

98.The Union (B-)

97.Fly Me to the Moon (B-)

96.Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (B-)

95.Am I OK? (B-)

94.Kraven the Hunter (B-)

93.The Underdoggs (B-)

92.It Ends with Us (B-)

91.Jackpot! (B-)

90.The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (B-)

89.Rez Ball (B-)

88.The Crow (B-)

87.Alien: Romulus (B-)

86.The American Society of Magical Negroes (B-)

85.Knox Goes Away (B-)

84.Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (B-)

83.The Outrun (B-)

82.Late Night with the Devil (B-)

81.The Bikeriders (B-)

80.Your Monster (B-)

79.The Front Room (B-)

78.Hundreds of Beavers (B-)

77.Deadpool & Wolverine (B-)

76.Immaculate (B-)

75.Land of Bad (B)

74.Self Reliance (B)

73.The Killer's Game (B)

72.Housekeeping for Beginners (B)

71.The Idea of You (B)

70.Road House (B)

69.Kill (B)

68.The Fire Inside (B)

67.Ricky Stanicky (B)

66.Touch (B)

65.My Old Ass (B)

64.Wicked Little Letters (B)

63.Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (B)

62.Femme (B)

61.Gladiator II (B)

60.Argylle (B)

59.Y2K (B)

58.Wicked (B)

57.Problemista (B)

56.Conclave (B)

55.We Live in Time (B)

54.Never Let Go (B)

53.Venom: The Last Dance (B)

52.The Piano Lesson (B)

51.Will & Harper (B)

50.Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (B)

49.Babygirl (B)

48.The Beekeeper (B)

47.Thelma (B)

46.Longlegs (B)

45.Inside Out 2 (B)

44.Speak No Evil (B)

43.The First Omen (B)

42.The Killer (B)

41.MaXXXine (B)

40.Heretic (B)

39.Love Lies Bleeding (B)

38.The Shadow Strays (B)

37.Kneecap (B)

36.Twisters (B)

35.Drive-Away Dolls (B)

34.Juror #2 (B)

33.Dune: Part Two (B)

32.IF (B+)

31.Hit Man (B+)

30.Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (B+)

29.A Quiet Place: Day One (B+)

28.A Complete Unknown (B+)

27.Carry-On (B+)

26.Strange Darling (B+)

25.I Used to Be Funny (B+)

24.Nosferatu (B+)

23.Daddio (B+)

22.Blink Twice (B+)

21.A Different Man (B+)

20.Kinds of Kindness (B+)

19.Snack Shack (B+)

18.Bad Boys: Ride or Die (B+)

17.Babes (B+)

16.Woman of the Hour (B+)

15.Saturday Night (B+)

14.A Real Pain (B+)

13.Smile 2 (B+)

12.His Three Daughters (B+)

11.The Wild Robot (B+)

10.I Saw the TV Glow (B+)

9.Monkey Man (B+)

8.Civil War (B+)

7.Abigail (B+)

6.Rebel Ridge (B+)

5.The Substance (A-)

4.Didi (A-)

3.The Fall Guy (A)

2.Challengers (A)

1.Anora (A)

Awards/Superlatives:

Best Picture: Anora

Best Director: Sean Baker, Anora

Best Actor: Sebastian Stan, A Different Man

Best Actress: Mikey Madison, Anora

Best Supporting Actor: Kieran Culkin, A Real Pain

Best Supporting Actress: Ariana Grande, Wicked

Best Original Screenplay: Sean Baker, Anora

Best Adapted Screenplay: Chris Sanders, The Wild Robot

Best Cinematography: Jarin Blaschke, Nosferatu

Best Editing: Marco Costa, Challengers

Best Score: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, Challengers

Best Original Song: "Ain't No Love in Oklahoma" by Luke Combs, Twisters

Best Visual Effects: Dune: Part Two

Best Sound: Dune: Part Two

Best Directorial Debut: Sean Wang, Didi

Best Animated Feature: The Wild Robot

Best Documentary Feature: Will & Harper

Best International Feature: Kneecap

Best Villain: Rodney Alcala (Daniel Zovatto), Woman of the Hour

Worst Villain: Ezkiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), Madame Web

Best Performance in a Bad Movie: Aubrey Plaza, Megalopolis 

Worst Performance in a Good Movie: Paul Mescal, Gladiator II

Best Piece of Overacting: Dennis Quaid, The Substance

Worst Piece of Overacting: Brett Gelman, Boy Kills World

The 7th Annual "Carry a Movie on Your Back" Award Presented by Greg Jennings: John Cena, Ricky Stanicky 

Best Action Sequence: "Alligator Park Showdown", Bad Boys: Ride or Die

Worst Action Sequence: "Bus Fight", Deadpool & Wolverine

Best Blockbuster: The Fall Guy

Worst Blockbuster: Atlas

Finest Hidden Indie Gem: Didi

Most Insufferable Indie Trash: Miller's Girl

Best Theater Experience (Presentation): Dune: Part Two

Worst Theater Experience (Presentation): Immaculate 

Best Theater Experience (Crowd): Venom: The Last Dance

Worst Theater Experience (Crowd): Inside Out 2

Sickest Double Feature That I Did: The Fall Guy/Abigail

Saddest Double Feature That I Did: Madame Web/Bob Marley: One Love

Greatest Reminder of the Power of Movie Stars and Practical Stunts: The Fall Guy

Top Movies Where Fred Durst Kind of Just Shows Up for a Bit: I Saw the TV Glow and Y2K  

Best Use of Dan Stevens as King Kong's Dentist: Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

Possibly The Hardest I've Ever Laughed at Anything That No One Else in the Theater Found to be Even Remotely Funny: About 15-20 different moments in Kinds of Kindness

Screening Where I Witnessed the Highest Volume of Old People Getting Their Ass Kicked by the Reserved Seating System at an AMC: A Complete Unknown  

Most Underrated Movies:

1.Abigail

2.Woman of the Hour

3.Babes

4.Snack Shack

5.Daddio

Most Overrated Movies:

1.Emilia Perez

2.Transformers One

3.Deadpool & Wolverine

4.Alien: Romulus

5.Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

Biggest Surprises:

1.IF

2.The Killer

3.The First Omen

4.Longlegs

5.Never Let Go

Biggest Letdowns:

1.Kill 

2.The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

3.The Bikeriders

4.Gladiator II 

5.Hundreds of Beavers

Top Performances:

1.Mikey Madison, Anora

2.Kieran Culkin, A Real Pain

3.Lily Rose-Depp, Nosferatu

4.Zendaya, Challengers

5.Demi Moore, The Substance

6.Sebastian Stan, A Different Man

7.Naomi Scott, Smile 2

8.Yura Borisov, Anora

9.Timothee Chalamet, A Complete Unknown

10.Nicole Kidman, Babygirl

Top Breakthrough Performances:

1.Daniel Zovatto, Woman of the Hour

2.Aaron Pierre, Rebel Ridge

3.Katy O'Brian, Love Lies Bleeding

4.Izaac Wang, Didi

5.Nell Tiger Free, The First Omen

6.Mark Eydelshteyn, Anora

7.Maisy Stella, My Old Ass

8.Ryan Destiny, The Fire Inside

9.Avantika, Mean Girls

10.Percy Daggs IV, Never Let Go

Great Under-the-Radar Performance That I Didn't List Above:

1.Adam Pearson, A Different Man

2.Corey Michael Smith, Saturday Night

3.Cailee Spaeny, Civil War

4.Dan Stevens, Abigail

5.Justice Smith, I Saw the TV Glow

6.Nicholas Hoult, Juror #2

7.Anne Hathaway, The Idea of You

8,Sydney Sweeney, Immaculate 

9.Halle Berry, Never Let Go

10.Melissa Barrera, Your Monster

Top Acting Ensembles:

1.Challengers

2.Anora

3.A Complete Unknown

4.The Substance

5.His Three Daughters

6.Nosferatu

7.Saturday Night

8.Abigail

9.Civil War

10.Kinds of Kindness

Top Directorial Debuts:

1.Sean Wang, Didi

2.Dev Patel, Monkey Man

3.Anna Kendrick, Woman of the Hour

4.Pamela Adlon, Babes

5.Zoe Kravitz, Blink Twice

6.Christy Hall, Daddio

7.Arkasha Stevenson, The First Omen

8.Malcolm Washington, The Piano Lesson

9.Kelly Marcel, Venom: The Last Dance

10.Julio Torres, Problemista

Top Cinematography: 

1.Jarin Blaschke, Nosferatu

2.Eric K. Yue, I Saw the TV Glow

3.Stephane Fontaine, Conclave

4.Greig Fraser, Dune: Part Two

5.Giovani Ribisi, Strange Darling

6.Saymbhu Mukdeeprom, Challengers

7.Aaron Morton, The First Omen

8.Drew Daniels, Anora

9.Kevin Fletcher, It's What's Inside

10.Zach Kuperstein, Woman of the Hour

Top Scores:

1.Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, Challengers

2.Michael Giacchino, IF

3.Jon Batiste, Saturday Night

4.Robin Carolan, Nosferatu

5.Cristobal Tapia de Veer, Babygirl

6.Raffertie, The Substance

7.Hans Zimmer, Dune: Part Two

8.Kris Bowers, The Wild Robot

9.Chanda Dancy, Blink Twice

10.Simon Waskow, Cuckoo

Top Movies I Hope to See in 2025:

1.Friendship

2.28 Years Later

3.Sinners

4.Superman

5.Marty Supreme

6.The Running Man

7.Ballerina

8.The Naked Gun

9.Bugonia

10.Nobody 2 

Top 10 Movies of 2024

Honorable Mentions (in alphabetical order):

His Three Daughters

A Real Pain

Saturday Night

Smile 2

The Wild Robot

10.I Saw the TV Glow:

I've never seen a movie provide a clearer window into what it feels like to battle gender dysphoria and the agonizing struggle of someone deciding to embrace their true identity or remain in the closet at the expense of their mental health than I Saw the TV Glow. Pairing haunting imagery with a slowly escalating feeling of suffocating isolation to capture how a reclusive young man's (Justice Smith) life changes forever when his only friend disappears (Brigette Lundy-Paine) following the cancelation of their shared favorite TV show The Pink Opaque, writer/director Jane Schoenbrun is able to cast a hypnotic surrealist spell that captures the struggle of how electing to not live your life as your true self will eat away at you until there's nothing left but a hollow shell in heartbreakingly vivid fashion.         

9.Monkey Man:

Freed from the clutches of Netflix after sitting on the shelf for nearly 3 years, Dev Patel's directorial debut exploded onto the big screen back in April thanks to Jordan Peele's company Monkeypaw and their distribution partners at Universal. While Monkey Man's political subtext about India's caste system isn't fully coherent, Patel's tremendous dedication to his role as Kid-a jobber working at an underground fight club who is angling to kill the powerful men (Makarand Deshpande, Skiandar Kher) responsible for massacring his village-including his mother-as a child and the bone-crunching, visceral fight sequences he put together are more than enough to make it a top-notch revenge action thriller nonetheless.    

8.Civil War:

Civil War works as well as it does because Alex Garland forces the viewer to draw their own conclusions as to why the events of the film are happening and what they say about the people of the United States. Making an ambiguous war movie set in the present day is a ballsy move, especially in the current political climate where we're seemingly always on the precipice of grand-scale violence, but the lack of a defined agenda allows Garland to shift his focus to something that we don't see depicted too often in this genre: the human element underneath all the carnage. At its core, it's really a movie about what living in an active warzone does to people and the answers the film provides are occasionally reassuring but mostly really fucking terrifying. It's an illuminating, thought-provoking and disturbing depiction of the type of immense destruction that mankind is capable of inflicting on one another that I'll continue to wrestle with for quite some time.          

7.Abigail:

Radio Silence's first post-Scream project adds another winner to their increasingly impressive filmography. The ensemble cast (Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Alisha Weir, Kathryn Newton, Kevin Durand, Will Catlett, Giancarlo Esposito, the late Angus Cloud in the final role of his career) is phenomenal, the gore/kills are nuts and the whole "unsuspecting band of crooks locked in a mansion with a vampire that looks like a 12-year-old human girl" plot conceit leads to a great, organic balance of horror and comedy elements.    

6.Rebel Ridge:

After stumbling a tad with the endearing but uneven mystery/folk horror project Hold the Dark, Rebel Ridge marks a gritty, thrilling return to Jeremy Saulnier's top form. The modernized take on the classic western narrative of a mysterious, well-intentioned outsider (Aaron Pierre-who oozes charisma and quiet empathy in a breakout performance) taking on the dirtbag local cops (Emory Cohen, David Denman and Don Johnson) after they wrong him is the perfect vessel for Saulnier to explore the deep systematic rot of small-town legal systems while also delivering a string of awesome confrontations full of snappy dialogue and pulse-pounding suspense. Having the hero be an imposing retired Marine that specializes in de-escalation through hand-to-hand close quarters combat is also a nice touch that births some really clever, subversive writing.     

5.The Substance:

What better way to take a blowtorch to unrealistic female beauty standards and women's internalized fears over aging than making a body horror movie in which you satirize them in the most overtly disgusting way possible? The Substance is a gory, hilarious triumph driven by a trio of incredible performances (Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, Dennis Quaid) that are completely in-tune with the movie's sad/silly/angry tonal balancing act and writer/director Coralie Fargeat's refreshingly audacious, uncompromising vision. It also absolutely rules that a hardcore genre movie has a strong chance of landing a Best Picture nomination at the Oscars.  

4.Didi:

Didi is one of those coming-of-age movies that comes along every few years or so that just hit me like a fucking truck since I recognized so many of the situations the main character found himself in as I was around the same age in the year in which the film takes place (the summer of 2008). Writer/director Sean Wang does a great job of applying the wisdom that adulthood provides to the proceedings by highlighting just how necessary these awkward moments, stupid lies that blow up in your face and little acts of rebellion towards your parents are to figuring out the person you truly are once the chaos of being a directionless shithead teenager subsides. Please seek out this underseen, poignant gem of a movie ASAP.    

3.The Fall Guy:

Movie stars! Real stunts! Romance! The Fall Guy is the kind of lovingly crafted, immensely fun grand-scale blockbuster that Hollywood just doesn't have much interest in making these days. Kudos to David Leitch, Drew Pearce and the primary cast (Ryan Gosling, Emily Blunt, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Hannah Waddingham, Winston Duke, Stephanie Hsu, Teresa Palmer) for taking full advantage of the rare opportunity that was afforded to them.        

2.Challengers:

Getting to see Luca Guadagnino put his feet up and just have a blast after so many years of making gloomy, tragic romances was one of the biggest treats of the year. With the help of a smart script from Justin Kuritzkes, an absurdly hard electro-industrial score from Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross and a trio of powerhouse actors (Zendaya, Josh O'Connor, Mike Faist) that the sell the shit of their roles as three manipulative egomaniacal tennis players that find themselves caught in a love triangle that spans 10+ years, the Italian auteur makes a really stylish, accessible romantic sports drama about how the obsessive drive athletes have to win by any means necessary poisons every area of their life. Who knows when we'll see get to see this loose side of Guadagnino again, but hopefully it's sooner than later because he's really damn good at it.     

1.Anora:

Throwing around the "M" word willy nilly is not something I'm about, so just know that I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that Anora is a masterpiece. Mikey Madison shines as a Brooklyn stripper who develops a whirlwind fairy tale romance with the immature, hard-partying son of a Russian oligarch (Mark Eydelshteyn) that suddenly gets sent into disarray once word of the couple's impromptu nuptials during a raging weekend in Vegas reaches his powerful parents in Moscow. Sean Baker's excellent script does a terrific job of exploring class, the dehumanization of sex workers that's built into our society and the harsh truth of who gets left paying the price when shit hits the fan. The tonal balancing act on display as Baker weaves together romantic comedy, chaos and tragedy elements is masterful and the final moments are a blinding gut punch that the film brilliantly forces you to sit with as the credits roll. I'd vote for it for Best Picture 10,000 times if I could.   

2024 in Music: A Year in Review

If nothing else, at least 2024's musical year made slightly more sense than 2023. Some great veteran artists returned to their roots and put out their best material in years (Jack White, Judas Priest, St. Vincent). The world embraced then quickly got infuriated by the birth of new pop icons (Chappell Roan, Sabrina Carpenter). A certain pop superstar went into autopilot mode and still put up insane numbers on the charts. Katy Perry's efforts to mount a comeback failed in spectacular fashion. Kendrick Lamar ruined someone's career and fell back in love with making aggressive bangers. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard found yet another new musical avenue to travel down. Glass Animals strengthened the odds that How to Be a Human Being was a fluke by releasing another collection of lukewarm tracks designed to be half listened to in the frozen food section of your local grocery store. Metalcore's continued resurgence led to my top 20 albums once again being populated by releases from that genre.  

Below, you'll find a list of every 2024 EP and LP I heard ranked from worst to best (w/grades) along with a collection of superlatives and my picks for the year's top 50 songs. Hope you enjoy.

EP's:

8.Corpse Pile-Hardgore Deathmetal (B-)

7.Big Ass Truck-Big Ass Demo (B)

6.Frontierer-The Skull Burned Wearing Hell Like a Life Vest as the Night Wept (B)

5.Disembodied Tyrant-The Tower: Part One (B)

4.Tove Lo and SG Lewis-Heat (B)

3.Unearth-Bask in the Blood of Our Demons (B+)

2.Counterparts-Heaven Let Them Die (B+)

1.Greyhaven-Stereo Grief (B+)

LP's:

103.Taylor Swift-The Tortured Poets Department (D+)

102.Maya Hawke-Chaos Angel (C-)

101.Ice Spice-Y2K! (C)

100.Glass Animals-I Love You So F***ing Much (C)

99.The Ghost Inside-Searching for Solace (C)

98.Alkaline Trio-Blood, Hair, and Eyeballs (C)

97.Left to Suffer-Leap of Death (C)

96.GloRilla-Glorious (C)

95.Normani-Dopamine (C)

94.Sum 41-Heaven :x: Hell (C)

93.Clairo-Charm (C)

92.21 Savage-american dream (C+)

91.Don Toliver-Hardstone Psycho (C+)

90.Gatecreeper-Dark Superstition (C+)

89.Vomit Forth-Terrified of God (C+)

88.Melt-Banana-3+5 (C+)

87.Tinashe-Quantum Baby (C+)

86.Megan Thee Stallion-Megan (B-)

85.Neck Deep-Neck Deep (B-)

84.Linkin Park-From Zero (B-)

83.Make Them Suffer-Make Them Suffer (B-)

82.Body Count-Merciless (B-)

81.Michael Kiwanuka-Small Changes (B-)

80.Kacey Musgraves-Deeper Well (B-)

79.IDLES-TANGK (B-)

78.While She Sleeps-Self Hell (B-)

77.Party Cannon-Injuries Are Inevitable (B-)

76.Johnny Blue Skies (Sturgill Simpson)-Passage du desir (B-)

75.Mk.gee-Two Star & the Dream Police (B-)

74.Four Year Strong-Analysis Paralysis (B-)

73.Beyonce-Cowboy Carter (B-)

72.Zach Bryan-The Great American Bar Scene (B-)

71.Speed-Only One Mode (B-)

70.Wage War-STIGMA (B-)

69.Ariana Grande-Eternal Sunshine (B-)

68.Future-Mixtape Pluto (B-)

67.Spectral Wound-Songs of Blood and Mire (B-)

66.Chat Pile-Cool World (B-)

65.Maggie Rogers-Don't Forget Me (B-)

64.Childish Gambino-Bando Stone and the New World (B-)

63.Halsey-The Great Impersonator (B-)

62.Darkest Hour-Perpetual|Terminal (B)

61.Defeated Sanity-Chronicles of Lunacy (B)

60.Vampire Weekend-Only God Was Above Us (B)

59.Future and Metro Boomin-WE DON'T TRUST YOU (B)

58.Dealer-New Order of Mind (B)

57.Tommy Richman-Coyote (B)

56.Touche Amore-Spiral in a Straight Line (B)

55.Fleshgod Apocalypse-Opera (B)

54.Magdalena Bay-Imaginal Disk (B)

53.Underneath-From the Gut of Gaia (B)

52.Action Bronson-Johan Sebastian Bachlava the Doctor (B)

51.Anciients-Beyond the Reach of the Sun (B)

50.Intervals-Memory Palace (B)

49.Chelsea Wolfe-She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She (B)

48.Vale of Pnath-Between the Worlds of Life and Death (B)

47.The Smile-Cutouts (B)

46.Fit for an Autopsy-The Nothing That Is (B)

45.Many Eyes-The Light Age (B)

44.The Story So Far-I Want to Disappear (B)

43.Foreign Hands-What's Left Unsaid (B)

42.Kali Uchis-Orquideas (B)

41.Kublai Khan TX-Exhibition of Forgiveness (B)

40.Sabrina Carpenter-Short n'Sweet (B)

39.SZA-Lana (B)

38.Bring Me the Horizon-Post Human: NeX Gen (B)

37.NxWorries-Why Lawd? (B)

36.Dark Tranquility-Endtime Signals (B)

35.BRAT-Social Grace (B)

34.Candy-It's Inside You (B)

33.The Smile-Wall of Eyes (B)

32.Wristmeetrazor-Degeneration (B)

31.Dissimulator-Lower Form Resistance (B)

30.PeelingFlesh-The G Code (B)

29.Nile-The Underworld Awaits Us All (B)

28.Dua Lipa-Radical Optimism (B)

27.Tyler, the Creator-CHROMAKOPIA (B)

26.Alpha Wolf-Half Living Things (B)

25.Vince Staples-Dark Times (B)

24.Billie Eilish-HIT ME HARD AND SOFT (B)

23.ScHoolboy Q-Blue Lips (B)

22.JPEGMAFIA-I LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU (B)

21.Poppy-Negative Spaces (B)

20.High on Fire-Cometh the Storm (B+)

19.Boundaries-Death is Little More (B+)

18.Within the Ruins-Phenomena II (B+)

17.Blood Incantation-Absolute Elsewhere (B+)

16.Jack White-No Name (B+)

15.The Black Dahlia Murder-Servitude (B+)

14.Denzel Curry-King of the Mischievous South Vol.2 (B+)

13.Judas Priest-Invincible Shield (B+)

12.Kendrick Lamar-GNX (B+)

11.Remi Wolf-Big Ideas (B+)

10.Ripped to Shreds-Sanshi (B+)

9.Undeath-More Insane (B+)

8.Charli XCX-Brat (B+)

7.SeeYouSpaceCowboy...-Coup de Grace (B+)

6.King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard-Flight b741 (B+)

5.Job for a Cowboy-Moon Healer (B+)

4.200 Stab Wounds-Manual Manic Procedures (B+)

3.St.Vincent-All Born Screaming (A-)

2.Better Lovers-Highly Irresponsible (A)

1.Knocked Loose-You Won't Go Before You're Supposed To (A)

Awards/Superlatives:

Biggest Surprises:

1.Charli XCX-Brat

2.Poppy-Negative Spaces

3.Judas Priest-Invincible Shield

4.Undeath-More Insane

5.ScHoolboy Q-Blue Lips

Biggest Letdowns:

1.IDLES-TANGK

2.While She Sleeps-Self Hell

3.Ariana Grande-Eternal Sunshine

4.Halsey-The Great Impersonator 

5.21 Savage-american dream

Most Underrated:

1.SeeYouSpaceCowboy-Coup de Grace

2.Ripped to Shreds-Sanshi

3.Remi Wolf-Big Ideas

4.Alpha Wolf-Half Living Things

5.ScHoolboy Q-Blue Lips

Most Overrated:

1.Zach Bryan-The Great American Bar Scene 

2.Johhny Blue Skies-Passage du desir

3.Beyonce-Cowboy Carter

4.Chat Pile-Cool World

5.Defeated Sanity-Chronicles of Lunacy

Top Artists I Hope Drop an Albums in 2025 (Excluding Albums with Confirmed 2025 Release Dates):

1.Vein.fm

2.Deftones

3.Lorna Shore

4.Bad Omens

5.Emmure

Top 50 Songs (in Alphabetical Order by Artist):

200 Stab Wounds-Flesh from Within

200 Stab Wounds-Manic Manual Procedures

Alpha Wolf-Bring Back the Noise

Better Lovers-Drowning in a Burning World

Better Lovers-Future Myopia

Born of Osiris-Elevate

Boundaries-Scars on a Soul

Bring Me the Horizon-Kool-Aid

Chappell Roan-Good Luck, Babe!

Charli XCX-Sympathy is a Knife

Coheed and Cambria-Searching for Tomorrow

Denzel Curry-ULTRA SHXT (feat. Key Nyata)

Dua Lipa-Illusion

FKA twigs-Eusexua

Halsey-Lonely is the Muse

Jack White-Bombing Out

Job for a Cowboy-Into the Crystaline Crypts

Job for a Cowboy-The Sun Gave Me Ashes So I Sought Out the Moon

JPEGMAFIA-Sin Miedo

Judas Priest-Invincible Shield

Kacey Musgraves-Jade Green

Kendrick Lamar-Squabble Up

Kendrick Lamar-TV OFF (feat. Lefty Gunplay)

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard-Field of Vision

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard-Le Risque

Knocked Loose-Blinding Faith

Knocked Loose-Piece by Piece

Knocked Loose-Suffocate (feat. Poppy)

Kublai Khan TX-Darwinism

Luke Combs-Ain't No Love in Oklahoma

PEELINGFLESH-Shoot 2 Kill

Poppy-Negative Spaces

Poppy-Push Go

Remi Wolf-Cherries & Cream

Remi Wolf-Toro

Remi Wolf-Wave

Ripped to Shreds-Cultivating towards Ascension 

Sabrina Carpenter-Taste

SeeYouSpaceCowboy-And the Two Slipped Into the Shadows

SeeYouSpaceCowboy...-Subtle Whispers to Take Your Breath Away

Spiritbox-Soft Spine

St. Vincent-Broken Man

St.Vincent-Sweetest Fruit

SZA-Saturn

The Black Dahlia Murder-Panic Hysteric

The Weeknd-Dancing in the Flames

Tommy Richman-Million Dollar Baby

Tove Lo-Let Me go OH OH

Undeath-Disputatious Malignancy

Undeath-More Insane