Movie Review: Joy Ride

 

Clearly positioning itself as a pure summer hangout buddy comedy with a prime post-July 4th release date, Joy Ride does its job well. The directorial debut from veteran screenwriter/producer Adele Lim (Crazy Rich Asians, Raya and the Last Dragon) tells the story of Seattle-area lawyer Audrey Sullivan (Ashley Park) who travels to China with her lifelong best friend Lolo (Sherry Cola) and Lolo's socially awkward cousin who goes by the name Deadeye (Sabrina Wu) as she attempts to secure a major client (Ronny Chieng) for her firm-which if successful, would land her a promotion to partner. After the initial meeting with her client goes sideways in a hurry, Lolo, Deadeye and her college roommate (Stephanie Hsu)-who is now a Chinese soap opera star-convince Audrey-who was adopted by an American couple (David Denman, Annie Mumolo) as a child-to seek out her birth mother in China to help close the prospective deal as the client is a family-driven person. 

This "4 friends journeying across China" narrative provides many opportunities for comedic situations to arise and often times for the screenwriting duo of Cherry Chevapravatdumrong (Family Guy, The Orville) and Teresa Hsiao (Family Guy, Awakafina is Nora From Queens), that means going straight to the gutter. Joy Ride is as brazenly fearless in it its delivery of gross-out/sexual humor as any movie the genre has produced in recent years and all of the leads along with the revolving door of supporting players (Chieng, Meredith Hagner, Chris Pang, Alexander Hodge, Lori Tann Chinn, a retired 2x NBA All-Star playing himself whose appearance got a huge reaction out of me and me alone at my screening) that show up during their trip that roll with the punches without even thinking twice. There's a sense that everyone involved-particularly the Asian cast members-figured this could be their only shot to do something like this and just committed to being unapologetically vulgar and having a great time doing it. When you belong to a racial group that is often categorized as the meek, submissive "model minority", I'd imagine getting the chance to show you're capable of being just as wild and obscene as anybody else has to be liberating and cathartic .   

When Joy Ride steps away from the buzzy highs of its crude comedy and the warm friendship dynamic between Park, Cola, Hsu and Wu, it runs into a bit of trouble. It's a bit too reliant on its bigger, grosser bits to produce laughs as the other scenes rarely hit the highs of those moments (the lone exception is a scene where Deadeye is playing a card game with a kid where Wu solidifies their standing as the movie's MVP) and while Audrey eventually gets a nice sense of closure, the dramatic conflict is too abruptly introduced and resolved to have the intended heartstring-tugging effect. Despite its comedic and narrative hiccups, Joy Ride is still plenty funny, breezy and pleasant enough to keep the summer 2023 R-rated comedy batting average at a pristine 1.000. 

Grade: B     

Ving Rhames Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Ving Rhames-whose latest project "Mission-Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One" is in theaters now.  

Ving Rhames' Filmography Ranked:

23.Day of the Dead (F)

22.Entrapment (C-)

21.Mission: Impossible 2 (C-)

20.I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (C-)

19.Surrogates (C)

18.The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (C)

17.Father Figures (C+)

16.Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 (C+)

15.Lilo & Stitch (B-)

14.Piranha 3DD (B)

13.Mission: Impossible III  (B)

12.Mission: Impossible-Rogue Nation (B)

11.The Tournament (B)

10.Bringing Out the Dead (B)

9.Mission: Impossible (B)

8.Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (B+)

7.Piranha 3D (B+)

6.Mission: Impossible-Fallout (B+)

5.Baby Boy (A-)

4.Out of Sight (A-)

3.Dawn of the Dead (A)

2.Con Air (A)

1.Pulp Fiction (A+)

Top Dog: Pulp Fiction (1994)

As Quentin Tarantino continues to prepare his (alleged) final film The Movie Critic, now is as good of a time as any to reflect on Pulp Fiction. On only his second feature film, Tarantino demonstrates his complete mastery of the medium by crafting a non-linear crime opus featuring a zillion different characters that slowly reveals itself to be this brilliant  interconnected puzzle of outcasts and criminals bound by a desire to escape their lives, but are trapped in them with seemingly no way out. Each character big or small is vividly written and brought to life by the perfect actor for the job, the amount of memorable/electrifying/tense/insane/hilarious scenes in this is astounding and Tarantino's palpable love for the art of moviemaking adds a giddiness to the proceedings that makes it feel completely distinct. It's pure movie magic and I doubt a day will come where it's not my favorite movie of all time.   

Bottom Feeder: Day of the Dead (2008)

The direct-to-video Day of the Dead remake is so overwhelmingly awful that it manages to simultaneously disgrace all of George A. Romero's original Night of the Living Dead films, Zack Snyder's excellent remake of Dawn of the Dead and the zombie genre on the whole. It's one of those movies where the low budget is reflected by the horrid production values and a concerning lack of passion from the top down- which leads to a movie that is so boring, soulless and technically inept that it's straight-up torturous to sit through. 

Most Underrated: Baby Boy (2001)

When the late John Singleton was really cooking, he was one of the most interesting and powerful voices in all of Hollywood. The criminally underseen Baby Boy-which shockingly was the last movie of his that he wrote himself-was one of the best examples of this. At times, Baby Boy feels like it could be a spiritual follow-up to Singleton's breakout debut Boyz n'the Hood as it also tells a coming-of-age story set in South Central Los Angeles, but it slowly reveals itself to be a funnier and weirder yet still distinctly powerful movie that explores the difficulties of taking on adult responsibilities before you're "ready" to and showing up/looking out for others when you don't have your own shit together at all.     

Most Overrated: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 (2017)

Someday in the near future, I'm going to re-visit Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 and see if my opinion of it improves after another viewing. As of today however, I view it as the lone directorial misfire James Gunn has put out thus far and one of the weakest films in the entire MCU. While not without its funny or emotional moments, its comedic/serious tonal balancing act is completely out of whack for the vast majority of the movie and it makes the entire story feel disjointed and cheaply melodramatic.   

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Full Series Recap

Quarterback:

25.Mac Jones (Patriots)

24.Justin Fields (Bears)

23.Baker Mayfield (Buccaneers)

22.Ryan Tannehill (Titans)

21.Jacoby Brissett (Commanders)

20.Deshaun Watson (Browns)

19.Tua Tagovailoa (Dolphins)

18.Russell Wilson (Broncos)

17.Jimmy Garoppolo (Raiders)

16.Daniel Jones (Giants)

15.Kyler Murray (Cardinals)

14.Derek Carr (Saints)

13.Jared Goff (Lions)

12.Trevor Lawrence (Jaguars)

11.Geno Smith (Seahawks)

10.Matthew Stafford (Rams)

9.Dak Prescott (Cowboys)

8.Kirk Cousins (Vikings)

7.Aaron Rodgers (Jets)

6.Justin Herbert (Chargers)

5.Lamar Jackson (Ravens)

4.Jalen Hurts (Eagles)

3.Josh Allen (Bills)

2.Joe Burrow (Bengals)

1.Patrick Mahomes (Chiefs)

Running Back:

50.Chuba Hubbard (Panthers)

49.James Cook (Bills)

48.Cordarrelle Patterson (Falcons)

47.Leonard Forunette (Free Agent)

46.Rachaad White (Buccaneers)

45.Antonio Gibson (Commanders)

44.Kareem Hunt (Free Agent)

43.Alexander Mattison (Vikings)

42.Javonte Williams (Broncos)

41.Elijah Mitchell (49ers)

40.Latavius Murray (Bills)

39.Devin Singletary (Texans)

38.Rashaad Penny (Eagles)

37.J.K. Dobbins (Ravens)

36.Jerick McKinnon (Chiefs)

35.Jeff Wilson Jr. (Dolphins)

34.D'Andre Swift (Eagles)

33.Brian Robinson Jr. (Commanders)

32.Breece Hall (Jets)

31.Khalil Herbert (Bears)

30.Gus Edwards (Ravens)

29.David Montgomery (Lions)

28.Damien Harris (Bills)

27.D'Onta Foreman (Bears)

26.Dameon Pierce (Texans)

25.Cam Akers (Rams)

24.Raheem Mostert (Dolphins)

23.James Conner (Cardinals)

22.Isiah Pacheco (Chiefs)

21.Tyler Allgeier (Falcons)

20.Najee Harris (Steelers)

19.Jammal Williams (Saints)

18.A.J. Dillon (Packers)

17.Travis Etienne (Jaguars)

16.Kenneth Walker III (Seahawks)

15.Joe Mixon (Bengals)

14.Alvin Kamara (Saints)

13.Ezekiel Elliott (Free Agent)

12.Rhamondre Stevenson (Patriots)

11.Miles Sanders (Panthers)

10.Aaron Jones (Packers)

9.Dalvin Cook (Free Agent)

8.Tony Pollard (Cowboys)

7.Saquon Barkley (Giants)

6.Josh Jacobs (Raiders)

5.Austin Ekeler (Chargers)

4.Jonathan Taylor (Colts)

3.Nick Chubb (Browns)

2.Derrick Henry (Titans)

1.Christian McCaffery (49ers)

Wide Receiver:

50.Robert Woods (Texans)

49.Curtis Samuel (Commanders)

48.Darius Slayton (Giants)

47.George Pickens (Steelers)

46.Zay Jones (Jaguars)

45.Allen Robinson (Steelers)

44.Darnell Mooney (Bears)

43.Adam Thielen (Panthers)

42.Allen Lazard (Jets)

41.Drake London (Falcons)

40.Tyler Boyd (Bengals)

39.Marquise Brown (Cardinals)

38.Michael Thomas (Saints)

37.Hunter Renfrow (Raiders)

36.Courtland Sutton (Broncos)

35.Dionate Johnson (Steelers)

34.Gabe Davis (Bills)

33.Chris Olave (Saints)

32.Jakobi Meyers (Raiders)

31.Odell Beckham Jr. (Ravens)

30.Jerry Jeudy (Broncos)

29.JuJu Smith-Schuster (Patriots)

28.Brandin Cooks (Cowboys)

27.Garrett Wilson (Jets)

26.Brandon Aiyuk (49ers)

25.Michael Pittman Jr. (Colts)

24.Christian Kirk (Jaguars)

23.DeVonta Smith (Eagles)

22.D.J. Moore (Bears)

21.Amari Cooper (Browns)

20.Mike Evans (Buccaneers)

19.Mike Williams (Chargers)

18.Tyler Lockett (Seahawks)

17.Tee Higgins (Bengals)

16.Amon-Ra St.Brown (Lions)

15.Deebo Samuel (49ers)

14.D.K. Metcalf (Seahawks)

13.Keenan Allen (Chargers)

12.Chris Godwin (Buccaneers)

11.Terry McLaurin (Commanders)

10.Jaylen Waddle (Dolphins)

9.CeeDee Lamb (Cowboys)

8.DeAndre Hopkins (Free Agent)

7.Ja'Marr Chase (Bengals)

6.A.J. Brown (Eagles)

5.Stefon Diggs (Bills)

4.Cooper Kupp (Rams)

3.Tyreek Hill (Dolphins)

2.Davante Adams (Raiders)

1.Justin Jefferson (Vikings)

Tight End:

20.Jordan Akins (Browns)

19.Juwan Johnson (Saints)

18.Mike Gesicki (Patriots)

17.Noah Fant (Seahawks)

16.Hunter Henry (Patriots)

15.Gerald Everett (Chargers)

14.Cole Kmet (Bears)

13.Dawson Knox (Bills)

12.Kyle Pitts (Falcons)

11.Tyler Higbee (Rams)

10.Dalton Schultz (Texans)

9.Evan Engram (Jaguars)

8.David Njoku (Browns)

7.Pat Friermuth (Steelers)

6.Darren Waller (Giants)

5.T.J. Hockenson (Vikings)

4.Dallas Goedert (Eagles)

3.Mark Andrews (Ravens)

2.George Kittle (49ers)

1.Travis Kelce (Chiefs)

Tackle:

30.Braxton Jones (Bears)

29.D.J. Humphries (Cardinals)

28.Charles Leno Jr. (Commanders)

27.Braden Smith (Colts)

26.Rob Havenstein (Rams)

25.Morgan Moses (Ravens)

24.Jack Conklin (Browns)

23.Mike McGlinchey (Broncos)

22.Dion Dawkins (Bills)

21.Kaleb McGary (Falcons)

20.Taylor Moton (Panthers)

19.Rashawn Slater (Chargers)

18.Garret Bolles (Broncos)

17.Ronnie Stanley (Ravens)

16.Taylor Decker (Lions)

15.Orlando Brown Jr. (Bengals)

14.Kolton Miller (Raiders)

13.Jordan Mailata (Eagles)

12.Penei Sewell (Lions)

11.Christian Darrisaw (Vikings)

10.Jake Matthews (Falcons)

9.Terron Armstead (Dolphins)

8.David Bakhtiari (Packers)

7.Brian O'Neill (Vikings)

6.Laremy Tunsil (Texans)

5.Andrew Thomas (Giants)

4.Tristian Wirfs (Buccaneers)

3.Ryan Ramcyzk (Saints)

2.Lane Johnson (Eagles)

1.Trent Williams (49ers)

Guard:

30.Mark Glowinski (Giants)

29.Tyler Smith (Cowboys)

28.Jonah Jackson (Lions)

27.Will Hernandez (Cardinals)

26.Alijah Vera-Tucker (Jets)

25.Teven Jenkins (Bears)

24.Nate Davis (Bears)

23.Landon Dickerson (Eagles)

22.Andrew Norwell (Commanders)

21.Laken Tomlinson (Jets)

20.Brandon Schreff (Jaguars)

19.Damien Lewis (Seahawks)

18.Quinn Minerz (Broncos)

17.James Daniels (Steelers)

16.Alex Cappa (Bengals)

15.Austin Corbett (Panthers)

14.Robert Hunt (Dolphins)

13.Trey Smith (Chiefs)

12.Ezra Cleveland (Vikings)

11.Issac Seumalo (Steelers)

10.Elgton Jenkins (Packers)

9.Wyatt Teller (Browns)

8.Shaq Mason (Texans)

7.Kevin Zeitler (Ravens)

6.Quenton Nelson (Colts)

5.Michael Owenu (Patriots)

4.Zack Martin (Cowboys)

3.Joe Thuney (Chiefs)

2.Chris Lindstrom (Falcons)

1.Joel Bitonio (Browns)

Center:

20.Ted Karras (Bengals)

19.Brian Allen (Rams)

18.Jake Brendel (49ers)

17.Bradley Bozeman (Panthers)

16.Ryan Kelly (Colts)

15.Drew Dalman (Falcons)

14.Mason Cole (Steelers)

13.Garrett Bradbury (Vikings)

12.Cody Whitehair (Bears)

11.Connor McGovern (Jets)

10.Ryan Jensen (Buccaneers)

9.Ethan Pocic (Browns)

8.Tyler Linderbaum (Ravens)

7.Ben Jones (Free Agent)

6.David Andrews (Patriots)

5.Connor Williams (Dolphins)

4.Corey Linsley (Chargers)

3.Frank Ragnow (Lions)

2.Jason Kelce (Eagles)

1.Creed Humphrey (Chiefs)

Defensive End:

35.Morgan Fox (Chargers)

34.Ogbonnia Okoronkwo (Browns)

33.John Kominsky (Lions)

32.Harrison Phillips (Vikings)

31.Charles Omenihu (Chiefs)

30.Samson Ebukam (Colts)

29.DeMarcus Walker (Bears)

28.Zach Sieler (Dolphins)

27.Jerry Hughes (Texans)

26.Chase Young (Commanders)

25.Chandler Jones (Raiders)

24.Kenny Clark (Packers)

23.Kwity Paye (Colts)

22.Zach Allen (Broncos)

21.Carl Granderson (Saints)

20.Deatrich Wise Jr. (Patriots)

19.Aidan Hutchinson (Lions)

18.Gregory Rousseau (Bills)

17.Sam Hubbard (Bengals)

16.Josh Sweat (Eagles)

15.Denico Autry (Titans)

14.DeMarcus Lawrence (Cowboys)

13.Leonard Williams (Giants)

12.John Franklin-Myers (Jets)

11.Montez Sweat (Commanders)

10.Calias Campbell (Falcons)

9.Brandon Graham (Eagles)
8.Cameron Jordan (Saints)

7.Von Miller (Bills)

6.Za'Darius Smith (Browns)

5.Trey Hendrickson (Bengals)

4.Micah Parsons (Cowboys)

3.Maxx Crosby (Raiders)

2.Myles Garrett (Browns)

1.Nick Bosa (49ers)

Defensive Tackle:

35.Maliek Collins (Texans)

34.Broderick Washington (Ravens)

33.Christian Barmore (Patriots)

32.B.J. Hill (Bengals)

31.Andrew Billings (Bears)

30.A'Shawn Robinson (Giants)

29.David Onyemata (Falcons)

28.Ed Oliver (Bills)

27.Jordan Davis (Eagles)

26.Alim McNeill (Lions)

25.Nathan Shepard (Saints)

24.DaQuan Jones (Bills)

23.Teair Tart (Titans)

22.Davon Hamilton (Jaguars)

21.Michael Pierce (Ravens)

20.Sheldon Rankins (Texans)

19.Fletcher Cox (Eagles)

18.Da'Ron Payne (Commanders)

17.Grover Stewart (Colts)

16.Vita Vea (Buccaneers)

15.Dalvin Tomlinson (Browns)

14.Arik Armstead (49ers)

13.Grady Jarrett (Falcons)

12.Derrick Brown (Panthers)

11.D.J. Reader (Bengals)

10.Javon Hargrave (49ers)

9.Jeffrey Simmons (Titans)

8.Jonathan Allen (Commanders)

7.Christian Wilkins (Dolphins)

6.Quinnen Williams (Jets)

5.DeForest Buckner (Colts)

4.Dexter Lawrence (Giants)

3.Cameron Heyward (Steelers)

2.Aaron Donald (Rams)

1.Chris Jones (Chiefs)

Outside Linebacker:

35.Cory Littleton (Texans)

34.Arden Key (Titans)

33.Joe Tryon-Shoyinka (Buccaneers)

32.Michael Hoecht (Rams)

31.Darrell Taylor (Seahawks)

30.Jack Sanborn (Bears)

29.Zaire Franklin (Colts)

28.Sionne Takitaki (Browns)

27.Jahlani Tavai (Patriots)

26.Malcolm Rodriguez (Lions)

25.Kayvon Thibodeaux (Giants)

24.Bud Dupree (Falcons)

23.Marcus Davenport (Vikings)

22.Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah (Browns)

21.Pete Werner (Saints)

20.Josh Uche (Patriots)

19.Harold Landry (Titans)

18.Randy Gregory (Broncos)

17.Bradley Chubb (Dolphins)

16.Shaq Barrett (Buccaneers)

15.Preston Smith (Packers)

14.Uchenna Nwosu (Seahawks)

13.Dre Greenlaw (49ers)

12.Khalil Mack (Chargers)

11.Brian Burns (Panthers)

10.Rashan Gary (Packers)

9.Jaelan Phillips (Dolphins)

8.T.J. Edwards (Bears)

7.Josh Allen (Jaguars)

6.Danielle Hunter (Vikings)

5.Alex Highsmith (Steelers)

4.Matthew Judon (Patriots)

3.Joey Bosa (Chargers)

2.Haason Reddick (Eagles)

1.T.J. Watt (Steelers)

Inside Linebacker:

35.Ernest Jones (Rams)

34.Patrick Queen (Ravens)

33.Devin White (Buccaneers)

32.Cole Holcomb (Steelers)

31.Cody Barton (Commanders)

30.Kyzir White (Cardinals)

29.Kaden Elliss (Falcons)

28.Eric Kendricks (Chargers)

27.Willie Gay Jr. (Chiefs)

26.Josey Jewell (Broncos)

25.Leighton Vander Esch (Cowboys)

24.Denzel Perryman (Texans)

23.Frankie Luvu (Panthers)

22.Jerome Baker (Dolphins)

21.Germaine Pratt (Bengals)

20.Shaq Thompson (Panthers)

19.Anthony Walker Jr. (Browns)

18.Jordan Hicks (Vikings)

17.C.J. Mosley (Jets)

16.Tremaine Edmunds (Bears)

15.Foyesade Oluokun (Jaguars)

14.David Long (Dolphins)

13.Alex Singleton (Broncos)

12.Bobby Okereke (Giants)

11.De'Vondre Campbell (Packers)

10.Ja'Whaun Bentley (Patriots)

9.Roquan Smith (Ravens)

8.Shaquille Leonard (Colts)

7.Logan Wilson (Bengals)

6.Matt Milano (Bills)

5.Nick Bolton (Chiefs)

4.Lavonte David (Buccaneers)

3.Demario Davis (Saints)

2.Bobby Wagner (Seahawks)

1.Fred Warner (49ers)

Cornerback

50.Asante Samuel Jr. (Chargers)

49.Dammari Mathis (Broncos)

48.Trent McDuffie (Chiefs)

47.Byron Murphy (Vikings)

46.Emmanuel Moseley (Lions)

45.K'Wuan Williams (Broncos)

44.Martin Emerson (Browns)

43.Sean Murphy-Bunting (Titans)

42.Desmond King II (Texans)

41.Greg Newsome II (Browns)

40.Kader Kohou (Dolphins)

39.Darious Williams (Jaguars)

38.Marcus Peters (Free Agent)

37.Michael Davis (Chargers)

36.Jaylon Johnson (Bears)

35.Steven Nelson (Texans)

34.Avonte Maddox (Eagles)

33.Jonathan Jones (Patriots)

32.Taron Johnson (Bills)

31.Michael Carter II (Jets)

30.Rasul Douglas (Packers)

29.Cameron Sutton (Lions)

28.Jaycee Horn (Panthers)

27.Tariq Woolen (Seahawks)

26.Tyson Campbell (Jaguars)

25.L'Jarius Sneed (Chiefs)

24.Kenny Moore (Colts)

23.A.J. Terrell (Falcons)

22.Tre'Davious White (Bills)

21.Trevon Diggs (Cowboys)

20.Mike Hilton (Bengals)

19.Carlton Davis (Buccaneers)

18.Denzel Ward (Browns)

17.Xavien Howard (Dolphins)

16.Marshon Lattimore (Saints)

15.Chidobe Awuzie (Bengals)

14.D.J. Reed Jr. (Jets)

13.Adoree' Jackson (Giants)

12.Patrick Peterson (Steelers)

11.Jamel Dean (Buccaneers)

10.Kendall Fuller (Commanders)

9.James Bradberry (Eagles)

8.Stephon Gilmore (Cowboys)

7.Darius Slay (Eagles)

6.Marlon Humphrey (Ravens)

5.Charvarius Ward (49ers)

4.Sauce Gardner (Jets)

3.Patrick Surtain II (Broncos)

2.Jaire Alexander (Packers)

1.Jalen Ramsey (Dolphins)

Safety

50.John Johnson III (Free Agent)

49.Malik Hooker (Cowboys)

48.Kerby Joseph (Lions)

47.Kareem Jackson (Broncos)

46.Adrian Amos (Jets)

45.Bobby McCain (Giants)

44.Jordan Fuller (Rams)

43.Amani Hooker (Titans)

42.Jalen Thompson (Cardinals)

41.Darrick Forrest (Commanders)

40.Xavier Woods (Panthers)

39.Jabrill Peppers (Patriots)

38.Jaquan Brisker (Bears)

37.Jordan Whitehead (Jets)

36.Terrell Edmunds (Eagles)

35.Donovan Wilson (Cowboys)

34.Jamal Adams (Seahawks)

33.Tashaun Gipson (49ers)

32.Juan Thornhill (Browns)

31.Jayron Kearse (Cowboys)

30.Andre Cisco (Jaguars)

29.Jevon Holland (Dolphins)

28.Vonn Bell (Panthers)

27.Julian Love (Seahawks)

26.Rodney McLeod (Browns)

25.Talanoa Hufanga (49ers)

24.Kyle Hamilton (Ravens)

23.Ryan Neal (Buccaneers)

22.Taylor Rapp (Bills)

21.Marcus Maye (Saints)

20.Adrian Phillips (Patriots)

19.Jimmie Ward (Texans)

18.Quandre Diggs (Seahawks)

17.Justin Reid (Chiefs)

16.Micah Hyde (Bills)

15.Harrison Smith (Vikings)

14.Chauncey Gardner-Johnson (Lions)

13.Kyle Dugger (Patriots)

12.Eddie Jackson (Bears)

11.Budda Baker (Cardinals)

10.Jordan Poyer (Bills)

9.Kamren Curl (Commanders)

8.Jessie Bates III (Falcons)

7.Justin Simmons (Broncos)

6.Antoine Winfield Jr. (Buccaneers)

5.Tyrann Mathieu (Saints)

4.Marcus Williams (Ravens)

3.Derwin James (Chargers)

2.Kevin Byard (Titans)

1.Minkah Fitzpatrick (Steelers)

Kicker

20.Chase McLaughlin (Buccaneers)

19.Will Lutz (Saints)

18.Brandon McManus (Jaguars)

17.Cairo Santos (Bears)

16.Chris Boswell (Steelers)

15.Greg Zuerlein (Jets)

14.Nick Folk (Patriots)

13.Ka'imi Fairbairn (Texans)

12.Eddy Pineiro (Panthers)

11.Evan McPherson (Bengals)

10.Jake Elliott (Eagles)

9.Harrison Butker (Chiefs)

8.Matt Prater (Cardinals)

7.Younghoe Koo (Falcons)

6.Graham Gano (Giants)

5.Jason Myers (Seahawks)

4.Tyler Bass (Bills)

3.Matt Gay (Colts)

2.Daniel Carlson (Raiders)

1.Justin Tucker (Ravens)

Punter

Drue Chrisman (Bengals)

Andy Lee (Free Agent)

Corliss Waitman (Patriots)

Arryn Siposs (Eagles)

Pressley Harvin III (Steelers)

Matt Haack (Cardinals)

J.K. Scott (Chargers)

Jordan Stout (Ravens)

Trenton Gill (Bears)

20.Thomas Morstead (Jets)

19.Bradley Pinion (Falcons)

18.Braden Mann (Steelers)

17.Jamie Gillan (Giants)

16.Blake Gillikin (Saints)

15.Corey Borjorquez (Browns)

14.Sam Martin (Bills)

13.Jake Camarda (Buccaneers)

12.Riley Dixon (Broncos)

11.Cameron Johnston (Texans)

10.Ryan Wright (Vikings)

9.Ryan Stonehouse (Titans)

8.Johnny Hekker (Panthers)

7.Bryan Anger (Cowboys)

6.Tress Way (Commanders)

5.Tommy Townsend (Chiefs)

4.Jack Fox (Lions)

3.Logan Cooke (Jaguars)

2.Michael Dickson (Seahawks)

1.A.J. Cole (Raiders)

Top 10 Appearances by Team:

Philadelphia Eagles-10 (James Bradberry, A.J. Brown, Jake Elliott, Dallas Goedert, Brandon Graham, Jalen Hurts, Lane Johnson, Jason Kelce, Haason Reddick, Darius Slay)

Baltimore Ravens-8 (Mark Andrews, Marlon Humphrey, Lamar Jackson, Tyler Linderbaum, Roquan Smith, Justin Tucker, Marcus Williams, Kevin Zeitler)

Kansas City Chiefs-8 (Nick Bolton, Harrison Butker, Creed Humphrey, Chris Jones, Travis Kelce, Patrick Mahomes, Joe Thuney, Tommy Townsend)

Cleveland Browns-7 (Joel Bitonio, Nick Chubb, Myles Garrett, David Njoku, Ethan Pocic, Za'Darius Smith, Wyatt Teller)

Dallas Cowboys-7 (Bryan Anger, Stephon Gilmore, CeeDee Lamb, Zack Martin, Micah Parsons, Tony Pollard, Dak Prescott)

Miami Dolphins-7 (Terron Armstead, Tyreek Hill, Jaelan Phillips, Jalen Ramsey, Jaylen Waddle, Christian Wilkins, Connor Williams)

Buffalo Bills-6 (Josh Allen, Tyler Bass, Stefon Diggs, Matt Milano, Von Miller, Jordan Poyer)

Minnesota Vikings-6 (Kirk Cousins, T.J. Hockenson, Danielle Hunter, Justin Jefferson, Brian O'Neill, Ryan Wright)

San Francisco 49ers-6 (Nick Bosa, Javon Hargrave, Christian McCaffery, Charvarius Ward, Fred Warner, Trent Williams)

Atlanta Falcons-5 (Jesssie Bates III, Calias Campbell, Younghoe Koo, Chris Lindstrom, Jake Matthews)

Green Bay Packers-5 (Jaire Alexander, David Bakhtiari, Rashan Gary, Elgton Jenkins, Aaron Jones)

Indianapolis Colts-5 (DeForest Buckner, Matt Gay, Shaquille Leonard, Quenton Nelson, Jonathan Taylor)

Las Vegas Raiders-5 (Davante Adams, Daniel Carlson, A.J. Cole, Maxx Crosby, Josh Jacobs)

Pittsburgh Steelers-5 (Pat Friermuth, Minkah Fitzpatrick, Cameron Heyward, Alex Highsmith, T.J. Watt)

Cincinnati Bengals-4 (Joe Burrow, Ja'Marr Chase, Trey Hendrickson, Logan Wilson)

Los Angeles Chargers-4 (Joey Bosa, Austin Ekeler, Justin Herbert, Derwin James)

New England Patriots-4 (David Andrews, Ja'Whaun Bentley, Matthew Judon, Michael Owenu)

New Orleans Saints-4 (Demario Davis, Cameron Jordan, Tyrann Mathieu, Ryan Ramcyzk)

New York Giants-4 (Saquon Barkley, Dexter Lawrence, Andrew Thomas, Darren Waller)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers-4 (Lavonte David, Ryan Jensen, Antonie Winfield Jr., Tristian Wirfs)

Tennessee Titans-4 (Kevin Byard, Derrick Henry, Jeffrey Simmons, Ryan Stonehouse)

Washington Commanders-4 (Jonathan Allen, Kamren Curl, Kendall Fuller, Tress Way)

Free Agent-3 (Dalvin Cook,DeAndre Hopkins, Ben Jones)

Houston Texans-3 (Shaq Mason, Dalton Schultz, Laremy Tunsil)

Jacksonville Jaguars-3 (Josh Allen, Logan Cooke, Evan Engram)

Los Angeles Rams-3 (Aaron Donald, Cooper Kupp, Matthew Stafford)

New York Jets-3 (Sauce Gardner, Aaron Rodgers, Quinnen Williams)

Seattle Seahawks-3 (Michael Dickson, Jason Myers, Bobby Wagner)

Denver Broncos-2 (Justin Simmons, Patrick Surtain II)

Detroit Lions-2 (Jack Fox, Frank Ragnow)

Arizona Cardinals-1 (Matt Prater)

Carolina Panthers-1 (Johnny Hekker)

Chicago Bears-1 (T.J. Edwards)

Patrick Wilson Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Patrick Wilson-whose latest project "Insidious: The Red Door" releases in theaters tonight. 

Patrick Wilson's Filmography Ranked:

18.Moonfall (D-)

17.The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (C-)

16.Insidious (C-)

15.The Switch (C)

14.Bone Tomahawk (C)

13.Young Adult (C)

12.The Conjuring 2 (C+)

11.Morning Glory (B-)

10.Prometheus (B-)

9.The Founder (B-)

8.Anabelle Comes Home (B-)

7.The Commuter (B)

6.Watchmen (B)

5.Little Children (B)

4.Hard Candy (B+)

3.Aquaman (B+)

2.The Conjuring (B+)

1.The A-Team (B+)

Top Dog: The A-Team (2010)

Chaotic meathead auteur Joe Carnahan (Smokin' Aces, Narc) and a big-budget film adaptation of the premier 80's buddy action television series is as perfect of a filmmaker/IP union as Hollywood could possibly put together. This thing is just pure camaraderie (Liam Nesson, Bradley Cooper, Quentin "Rampage" Jackson and Sharlto Copley are terrific as the titular group of Special Forces Members turned convicts turned fugitive mercenaries trying to clear their names), cartoonish action setpieces and adrenaline for 2 hours-which makes it one of the more sincere, effective tributes to 80's genre movies we've seen to date.   

Bottom Feeder: Moonfall (2022)

Sitting through Moonfall in a theater roughly 18 months ago remains the shittiest moviegoing experience I've had in quite some time. A movie about Earth's moon getting knocked out of orbit and rapidly hurling towards the planet shouldn't be so convoluted, self-serious and brutally dull. Roland Emmerich has fallen hard from his glory days of delivering inspired pieces of dumb blockbuster fun like Independence Day, Universal Solider and White House Down and it's really depressing to witness.   

Most Underrated: The A-Team (2010)

Social media sites are populated with small yet vocal groups of people that revere some works by Michael Bay and Zack Snyder that weren't treated kindly by critics or embraced by audiences (stuff like Sucker Punch, 13 Hours, Batman v. Superman and the Transformers movies are among the titles in this camp). The A-Team is one of those titles for me. This big, beautiful ball of self-aware, over-the-top action movie lunacy shoots for the stars and sticks the landing on the moon. In a perfect world, we would gotten at least a couple more of these manic works of maximalist genius, but alas me and the 4-6 other people that are deeply enamored with this movie weren't so fortunate.     

Most Overrated: Insidious (2011)

James Wan has done a lot of great things for the horror genre over his 20-years as a filmmaker. Insidious is not among his most valuable contributions to the medium. In fact, Insidious is easily the most head-scratching missed opportunity he's had to-date. The first half of the movie is a creepy, atmospheric horror flick that establishes a solid framework for an interesting haunted house/demonic possession hybrid. That promise goes out the window early in the second half thanks to one completely absurd narrative choice that quickly turns into an unintentional laugh riot the rest of the way. Wan was able to redeem himself just 2 years later with another supernatural horror movie that you may have heard of called The Conjuring, but the late collapse of Insidious will never fail to shock, mystify and fascinate me.         

2023 in Music: Mid-Year Review

Commenting on the broader musical year to date feels like something I'm really not qualified to do. Maybe it's because I'm getting older or I'm just being needlessly overcritical of myself, but whatever the case may be, I've never felt more out of the loop when it comes to music than I do right now. I don't have a particularly strong sense of what's making waves on the charts or what the true music nerds are buzzing about and I'll be honest, it's kind of fucking weird. This is something that I felt had a pretty strong read on for so long and suddenly for no good reason at all, I just don't anymore . If this is how I'm feeling at 31, I can only imagine how much worse it's going to get (this same statement could of course also be applied to life in general).

As for the records I have heard and feel comfortable discussing, there have been several standouts all over the quality spectrum. JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown destroyed the almost inherently phoned-in nature of the hip hop collab album by joining forces to create one of the most unapologetically abrasive, relentlessly experimental and just plain fun records to come out of the genre in a long, long time. The effortlessly and endlessly talented Janelle Monae did the unthinkable and released something that isn't just shockingly uninspired and safe, it doesn't even feel finished. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard made an unexpected return to the metal well and found gold in the form of a prog/thrash/stoner hybrid that combines the knack for crafting long, winding instrumental sections that has long been a centerpiece of their psychedelic/jazz rock offerings with a large collection of face-melting riffs that are significantly better than what 98% of today's full-time metal acts are writing. Swedish melodic death metal pioneers In Flames put out their best effort in nearly 20 years simply by returning to their more aggressive roots after trying (and failing) to make the transition into the world of alternative/hard rock for so long. Foo Fighters were able to channel the pain they felt from the death of their founding drummer Taylor Hawkins into a stirringly emotional yet still hard-rocking tribute that ranks among their best works to date. And last but certainly not least, veteran rapper Lil Yachty of "She blow on that dick like a cello" fame dropped a space rock album and while I wasn't as fond of it as most, I'm thrilled that something that sounds like an elaborate prank actually exists in real life and is sincerely not bad at all. Below you'll find a list of every 2023 LP and EP I've heard so far ranked from worst to best along with some miscellaneous awards and my picks for the 25 best songs of the year. Hope you enjoy.        

EP's:

2.Brand of Sacrifice-Between Death and Dreams (B)

1.Knocked Loose-Upon Loss Singles (B+)

LP's:

37.Janelle Monae-The Age of Pleasure (D+)

36.Amaarae-Fountain Baby (C-)

35.Young Fathers-Heavy Heavy (C)

34.Young Thug-Business is Business (C)

33.Suicide Silence-Remember... You Must Die (C)

32.Caroline Polachek-Desire, I Want To Turn Into You (C)

31.Ava Max-Diamonds & Dancefloors (C+)

30.Lil Yachty-Let's Start Here (C+)

29.White Reaper-Asking for a Ride (C+)

28.Gunna-A Gift & a Curse (C+)

27.Sleep Token-Take Me to Eden (B-)

26.Fall Out Boy-So Much for (for) Stardust (B-)

25.Invent Animate-Heavener (B-)

24.Avenged Sevenfold-Life is But a Dream... (B-)

23.Miley Cyrus-Endless Summer Vacation (B-)

22.Paramore-This is Why (B-)

21.Gel-Only Constant (B)

20.Wound Man-Human Outline (B)

19.Entheos-Time Will Take Us All (B)

18.Currents-The Death We Seek (B)

17.The Acacia Strain-Step Into the Light (B)

16.Lana Del Rey-Did you know there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd (B)

15.In Flames-Foregone (B)

14.Gorod-The Orb (B)

13.Queens of the Stone Age-In Times New Roman... (B)

12.The Acacia Strain-Failure Will Follow (B)

11.Yves Tumor-Praise a Lord Who Chews but Which Does Not Consume (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds) (B)

10.Kali Uchis-Red Moon in Venus (B)

9.Drain-Living Proof (B)

8.Jesus Piece-...So Unknown (B)

7.Unearth-The Wretched; The Ruinous (B+)

6.Veil of Maya-(M)other (B+)

5.August Burns Red-Death Below (B+)

4.Periphery-Periphery V: Djent is Not a Genre (B+)

3.Foo Fighters-But Here We Are (B+)

2.King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard-PetroDragonic Apocalypse; or, Dawn of Eternal Night: An Annihilation of Planet Earth and the Beginning of Merciless Damnation (A-)

1.JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown-SCARING THE HOES (A)

Awards:

Biggest Surprises:

1.Foo Fighters-But Here We Are

2.The Acacia Strain-Failure Will Follow

3.In Flames-Foregone 

Biggest Letdowns:

1.Janelle Monae-The Age of Pleasure

2.Young Thug-Business is Business 

3.Gunna-A Gift & a Curse

Most Underrated:

1.August Burns Red-Death Below

2.Veil of Maya-(M)other 

3.Unearth-The Wretched; The Ruinous 

Most Overrated:

1.Amaarae-Fountain Baby 

2.Young Fathers-Heavy Heavy

3.Caroline Polachek-Desire, I Want to Turn Into You

Top 25 Songs (in alphabetical order by artist):

August Burns Red-The Cleansing

August Burns Red-Dark Divide

Better Lovers-30 Under 13

Doja Cat-Attention

Drain-Watch You Burn

Dua Lipa-Dance the Night

Foo Fighters-But Here We Are

Foo Fighters-The Glass

Genesis Owusu-Leaving the Light 

Jesus Piece-Fear of Failure

JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown-Burfict!

JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown-Fentanyl Tester

JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown-Kingdom Hearts Key (feat. redveil)

Kali Uchis-Moonlight

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard-Motor Spirit

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard-Supercell

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard-Witchcraft

Knocked Loose-Deep in the Willow

Paramore-Running Out of Time

Periphery-Wax Wings

Queens of the Stone Age-Paper Machete

Sampha-Spirit 2.0

Unearth-Dawn of the Militant

Veil of Maya-Artificial Dose

Veil of Maya-Red Fur

2023 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Punters

()=2022 ranking

+=Unranked or not eligible in 2023

20.(10) Thomas Morstead (Jets)

19.(+) Bradley Pinion (Falcons)

18.(+) Braden Mann (Steelers)

17.(+) Jamie Gillan (Giants)

16.(9) Blake Gillikin (Saints)

15.(14) Corey Borjorquez (Browns)

14.(19) Sam Martin (Bills)

13.(+) Jake Camarda (Buccaneers)

12.(+) Riley Dixon (Broncos)

11.(11) Cameron Johnston (Texans)

10.(+) Ryan Wright (Vikings)

9.(+) Ryan Stonehouse (Titans)

8.(18) Johnny Hekker (Panthers)

7.(3) Bryan Anger (Cowboys)

6.(1) Tress Way (Commanders)

5.(12) Tommy Townsend (Chiefs)

4.(2) Jack Fox (Lions)

3.(7) Logan Cooke (Jaguars)

2.(8) Michael Dickson (Seahawks)

1.(4)A.J. Cole (Raiders)

2023 in Movies: Mid-Year Review

Another 6 months worth of new movies have been consumed and for now at least, the 2023 cinematic year is shaping up to be pretty damn good. Multiple franchises (John Wick, Guardians of the Galaxy) have come to what at least appears to be an end in triumphant fashion. A24 unleashed another excellent early-awards contender (Past Lives) into the world that could net them another slew of gold trophies for a 2nd consecutive year. More films pivoted from the black hole of streaming releases to the bright lights of theatrical (Evil Dead Rise, Air, The Boogeyman, Magic Mike's Last Dance, 80 for Brady, House Party), which is a great sign for the industry moving forward. Gerard Butler got to do Gerard Butler things on the big screen twice (Plane, Kandahar) before Memorial Day. Mia Goth was provided with another golden opportunity to further cement her status as a modern horror icon with a maniacal yet regularly hilarious turn in Brandon Cronenberg's Infinity Pool. Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves boggled the minds of the many people out there that believed D&D was a property that couldn't be successfully adapted to a narrative format. If the massive second half slate that is set to include titles like Dune: Part II, Killers of the Flower Moon, Barbie, Oppenheimer and The Killer can deliver, we could be looking at the best year of the decade so far.  Here is the full ranking of every movie I've seen so far in 2023 from worst to best along with a fairly large collection of mid-year awards/accolades.

January-June Titles I Still Need to Watch:

BlackBerry

Boston Strangler

Chevalier 

Enys Men

Every Body

Flamin' Hot 

Inside

Kill Booksoon

Little Richard: I Am Everything  

The Machine

Master Gardener

The Mother

Nimona

The Old Way

Palm Trees and Power Lines

Quasi 

Reality

Shin Kamen Rider

Shooting Stars

Showing Up

Sick 

Sick of Myself

Smoking Causes Coughing

Somewhere in Queens 

The Starling Girl

The Super Mario Bros. Movie 

To Catch a Killer

57.Fool's Paradise (D)

56.Your Place or Mine (D+)

55.Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (D+)

54.Hypnotic (C-)

53.Polite Society (C-)

52.Asteroid City (C-)

51.Murder Mystery 2 (C)

50.The Flash (C)

49.White Men Can't Jump (C)

48.House Party (C)

47.80 for Brady (C)

46.Sisu (C+)

45.Shotgun Wedding (C+)

44.You People (B-)

43.65 (B-)

42.We Have a Ghost  (B-)

41.Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (B-)

40.Elemental (B-)

39.Shazam!: Fury of the Gods (B-)

38.The Pope's Exorcist (B-)

37.Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (B-)

36.The Wrath of Becky (B-)

35.Champions (B-)

34.Plane (B-)

33.Somebody I Used to Know (B)

32.You Hurt My Feelings (B)

31.Kandahar (B)

30.Beau is Afraid (B)

29.The Blackening (B)

28.Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (B)

27.The Boogeyman (B)

26.Magic Mike's Last Dance (B)

25.Knock at the Cabin (B)

24.M3GAN (B)

23.How to Blow Up a Pipeline (B)

22.Of an Age (B)

21.Are You There God? It's Me, Margret. (B)

20.Renfield (B)

19.Rye Lane (B)

18.Evil Dead Rise (B)

17.Infinity Pool (B)

16.The Covenant (B)

15.Missing (B)

14.Sanctuary (B+)

13.Fast X (B+)

12.No Hard Feelings (B+)

11.A Thousand and One (B+)

10.Extraction 2 (B+)

9.Air (B+)

8.Scream VI (B+)

7.Cocaine Bear (B+)

6.Past Lives (B+)

5.Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (B+)

4.Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (A-)

3.Creed III (A)

2.Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 (A)

1.John Wick: Chapter 4 (A)

Awards:

Top Movie: John Wick: Chapter 4  

Top Director: Chad Stahelski, John Wick: Chapter 4

Top Lead Performance (Male): Joaquin Phoenix, Beau is Afraid 

Top Lead Performance (Female): Teyana Taylor, A Thousand and One

Top Supporting Performance (Male): Chris Messina, Air 

Top Supporting Performance (Female): Rachel McAdams, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret 

Top Breakthrough Performance: Teyana Taylor, A Thousand and One 

Top Script: Celine Song, Past Lives

Top Cinematography: Dan Laustsen, John Wick: Chapter 4 

Top Score: Daniel Pemberton, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse 

Top Editing: Jessica Baclesse and Tyler Nelson, Creed III 

Top Visual Effects: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 

Top Sound: Creed III 

Top Villain: Dante Reyes (Jason Momoa), Fast X  

Worst Villain: General Zod (Michael Shannon), The Flash

Best Performance in a Bad Movie: Michelle Pfeiffer, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania 

Wort Performance in a Good Movie: Dermot Mulroney, Scream VI   

Top Piece of Overracting: Mia Goth, Infinity Pool 

Worst Piece of Overracting: Nimra Bucha, Polite Society  

Top Action Sequence: "Arc de Triomphe chase/fight", John Wick: Chapter 4

Worst Action Sequence: "Final Ant-Man vs. Kang Fight", Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Movie I'm Most Excited to See in The Second Half of 2023: The Killer  

Top Performances:

1.Teyana Taylor, A Thousand and One

2.Margaret Qualley, Sanctuary

3.Greta Lee, Past Lives

4.Joaquin Phoenix, Beau is Afraid

5.Jennifer Lawrence, No Hard Feelings

6.Tee Yoo, Past Lives

7.Mia Goth, Infinity Pool

8.Chris Messina, Air

9.Jason Momoa, Fast X  

10.Donnie Yen, John Wick: Chapter 4   

Most Underrated:

1.Cocaine Bear

2.A Thousand and One

3.Fast X 

Most Overrated:

1.Asteroid City

2.Polite Society

3.Sisu

Biggest Surprises:

1.Missing

2.Evil Dead Rise

3.Rye Lane

Biggest Letdowns:

1.Hypnotic

2.Fool's Paradise 

3.Sisu 

Top Acting Ensembles:

1.Past Lives

2.Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 

3.John Wick: Chapter 4 

4.Air

5.Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves 

Top Miscellaneous Great Things I Didn't Mention Above:

1.The high volume of incredible practical effects and makeup in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 and Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves.

2.The goofy scenery-chewing from Russell Crowe that helped make The Pope's Exorcist more than just another generic exorcism movie.

3.The electrifying chase scenes in Scream VI.

4.The pristine execution of the 21-minute single shot action sequence in Extraction 2.

5.The beautiful sight of watching Eddie Murphy actually put effort into a performance in You People.

6.The perfect use of Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby" in Beau is Afraid   

7.The non-stop hilarity of the gazebo scene in Cocaine Bear

8.The Deadite one-liners in Evil Dead Rise.

9.The top-notch splatter hijinks and turn from Nicolas Cage as Dracula in Renfield.

10.The dynamism, elaborate scope and impeccable choreography of the fight scenes in John Wick: Chapter 4.