2020 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Punters

20.A.J. Cole (Raiders)

19.Jordan Berry (Steelers)

18.Michael Dickson (Seahawks)

17.Britton Colquitt (Vikings)

16.Kevin Huber (Bengals)

15.Sam Martin (Lions)

14.Jamie Gillan (Browns)

13.Lac Edwards (Free Agent)

12.Michael Parlardy (Panthers)

11.Ty Long (Chargers)

10.Bryan Anger (Texans)

9.Logan Cooke (Jaguars)

8.Riley Dixon (Giants)

7.Cameron Johnston (Eagles)

6.Sam Koch (Ravens)

5.Thomas Morstead (Saints)

4.Andy Lee (Cardinals)

3.Tress Way (Redskins)

2.Brett Kern (Titans)

1.Johnny Hekker (Rams)

Charlize Theron Ranked

Welcome to the latest edition of the "Ranked" series, where I rank a franchise or the filmography of an actor/director from worst to best and hand out related accolades. This week, I'm profiling the work of Charlize Theron-whose latest project "The Old Guard" debuts on Netflix this Friday.

Charlize Theron's Filmography Ranked:
19.The Legend of Bagger Vance (D)
18.Kubo and the Two Strings (D)
17.Mighty Joe Young (D+)
16.Snow White and the Huntsman (C-)
15.Mad Max: Fury Road (C-)
14.Tully (C)
13.Young Adult (C)
12.That Thing You Do! (C+)
11.Gringo (B-)
10.The Addams Family (B-)
9.Prometheus (B)
8.Hancock (B)
7.A Million Ways to Die in the West (B+)
6.Bombshell (B+)
5.Monster (B+)
4.Atomic Blonde (B+)
3.The Italian Job (A)
2.Long Shot (A)
1.The Fate of the Furious (A)

Top Dog: The Fate of the Furious (2017)
The Fate of the Furious is another exhilarating shot of pure cinematic adrenaline that provided some much-needed proof that this franchise can continue to thrive without the late Paul Walker. The decision to add Jason Statham's Deckard Shaw to the charismatic smartass-filled dream team of street racers turned international espionage experts, Theron's endearingly over-the-top performance as the villain Cipher and another heaping helping of creative excess-filled action sequences that are brought to life with grace by F. Gary Gray's energetic direction made The Fate of the Furious one of the best entries in this long-running series thus far.  

Lowlight: The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000)
In last week's piece on Will Smith, I went after The Legend of Bagger Vance for its overwhelmingly corny, melodramatic script and how the film miraculously drained all of Smith's signature charisma. By honing in on those criticisms, I didn't get to really touch on its biggest flaw of all: how fucking  boring it is. This magic-free folk tale crawls along at the speed of a wounded snail for just over two hours and by the time it reaches its allegedly touching conclusion, I felt like I had inadvertently stumbled on a potent sleeping medication. Unless I fall into a deep insomniac state and need a quick cure, I'd never even consider watching a second of this again.      

Most Overrated: Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Sorry gang, I just don't think Mad Max: Fury Road is anything special. It's a below average movie that would've been completely useless if Theron wasn't an elite action star who is nothing short of brilliant of playing badass, battle-hardened heroes like Furiosa. It's more or less an extended car chase through an apocalyptic setting that boasts no memorable shootouts or fights, very little excitement and a dogshit group of supporting characters headlined by the laughably weak villain Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne), obnoxious "hero" Nux (Nicholas Hoult) and a comatose titular character (Tom "The Mumbling God" Hardy). Everything about Fury Road is biblically overrated and I'll probably always recoil in disgust when it's brought up in a conversation about the greatest action movies of all time.    

Most Underrated: Long Shot (2019)
Long Shot is a damn near perfect romantic comedy. It's funny as hell, the characters are all super likable and the overall atmosphere is so joyous that it's hard not to feel great after watching it. Any fans of the genre that haven't seen it or anyone that's just looking for a few smiles during this particularly miserable time in human history, I highly recommend checking it out (Note: it's available on HBO/HBO Max through July 31st).  

Greatest Action Hero Moment: Stairwell/Abandoned Building Fight, Atomic Blonde (2017)

This centerpiece sequence from Atomic Blonde is 7 minutes of jaw-dropping brutality where the impact of every punch, kick, stab and gunshot is seen and felt. Lorraine Broughton's (Theron) victory against a fleet of KGB henchmen that are in pursuit of a Russian defector (Eddie Marsan) who possess a critical piece of intel is hard earned and the difficulty of this defense effort combined with its expert staging helps make it one of the most badass fight scenes ever put on film.


Biggest Carry Job for Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody: Tully (2018)
Writer Diablo Cody and director Jason Reitman pulled off a historic late game collapse in Tully by introducing a baffling plot twist that cheapens a lot of what it has to say about dealing with the tremendous pressure that comes with motherhood. Theron's stunning, awards-caliber performance is the only thing that prevents this frustrating cheap storytelling trick from completely destroying the movie. She's a beacon of raw honesty, anger and vulnerability that brings a level of authenticity to a project that quite frankly doesn't deserve it.

Most Egregious Overacting: Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)
On the rare occasion Theron stumbles as an actor, overacting is usually to blame. Her most egregious offense in this department came with her hammy turn as the iconic Queen Ravena in Snow White and the Huntsman. While the attempt to bring the spirit of the character to the big screen was admirable, her relentless, cartoony scenery-chewing was completely out of place in a movie that is otherwise very stoic in tone.

Quick Movie Reviews: Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga, My Spy, Desperados

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga: While its completely unknown to most Americans (myself included), The Eurovision Song Contest is a phenomenon in Europe, Israel  and Australia. Basically, Eurovision is the Olympics of singing competitions where roughly 40 countries (almost exclusively from Europe) send an artist or group to perform an original song and after a massive 2 round live performance, a winner is crowned and subsequently gets to host the following year's contest as a reward. The notoriety of the contest paired with the good-natured goofiness that often occupies the performances made Eurovision the perfect subject matter for Will Ferrell's latest comedy. Ferrell, who co-wrote the script with frequent collaborator Andrew Steele, unsurprisingly has a good time goofing on the over-the-top pageantry and creating characters that are right at home in such an overtly absurd atmosphere (himself and Rachel McAdams as a bumbling Icelandic duo that unexpectedly qualifies for Eurovision, a scene-stealing Dan Stevens as a flamboyant Russian pop star who is favored to win), but the real driving force behind The Story of Fire Saga is the amount of admiration it has for the contest. Eurovision is a point of immense pride for each country that participates and The Story of Fire Saga conveys that with the pure joy and warmth it puts into the latter stages of the film when the contest itself is occurring. Coming out of a Ferrell-led project feeling moved was a pleasant surprise that ultimately helps The Story of Fire Saga overcome the slight problems it has in the length and laugh consistency departments.      
Grade: B

My Spy: Whoever decided to market My Spy as a family movie might need to consider a move to the world of con artistry. Any belief that this was going to be some type of Pacifier/Game Plan "big tough guy gets softened up by being forced to deal with kids" flick is shattered in the opening scene which features a decently high body count and an unexpected joke about Mickey Rourke's notoriously awful Russian accent in Iron Man 2. The reality is that My Spy is a not particularly soft PG-13 spy buddy comedy that just happens to be centered around a CIA agent (Dave Bautista) and the father/daughter-esque relationship he develops with a 9-year old girl (Chloe Coleman, best known for playing Zoe Kravitz's daughter on Big Little Lies) who quickly blows up the covert surveillance operation him and his tech partner (the always funny Kristen Schaal) are running on her mother (Parisa Fitz-Henley). Regardless of the age-appropriateness of its content, My Spy uses a convincing central relationship, clever humor and Bautista's winning combination of charisma and willingness to make fun of himself to create an entertaining romp that generates laughs and charm with equal efficiency. There's no guarantee I'm going to remember a lot of it come December, but it's a fun movie that further proves Bautista's worth as an actor.      
Grade: B

Desperados: Nasim Pedrad deserved better than this for her first starring role. Desperados blindly follows the Netflix throwaway R-rated romantic comedy playbook that the likes of Ibiza and The Wrong Missy have used in the past by throwing gross out humor, slightly annoying characters and bits of sweetness into a blender with reliably hit-or-miss results. The only time Desperados bucks this erratic formula is when Pedrad shares scenes with her old TV husband Lamorne Morris. Their chemistry from New Girl remains fully in tact even after a couple years apart and there's a comedic spark present between them that just never really ignites in the portions of the movie where they're not together. Hopefully Pedrad will get another chance to lead a project that better showcases her underrated comedic gifts very soon.    
Grade: C+

2020 NFL Position Rankings: Top 20 Kickers

20.Eddy Pineiro (Bears)
19.Michael Badgley (Chargers)
18.Brandon McManus (Broncos)
17.Jason Myers (Seahawks)
16.Randy Bullock (Bengals)
15.Younghoe Koo (Falcons)
14.Kai'mi Fairbairn (Texans)
13.Jake Elliott (Eagles)
12.Dustin Hopkins (Redskins)
11.Dan Bailey (Vikings)
10.Matt Prater (Lions)
9.Mason Crosby (Packers)
8.Robbie Gould (49ers)
7.Greg Zuerlein (Cowboys)
6.Chris Boswell (Steelers)
5.Zane Gonzalez (Cardinals)
4.Harrison Butker (Chiefs)
3.Will Lutz (Saints)
2.Josh Lambo (Jaguars)
1.Justin Tucker (Ravens)

2020 in Movies: Mid-Year Review

It's been a strange year to be a movie fan. Studios are releasing big titles like Trolls World Tour and Scoob! on video on demand, streaming services have become the primary source of new content and with movie theaters unlikely to open in the United States for the foreseeable future, there's a very realistic possibility that the entire release model is going to change permanently.

Bigger picture concerns surrounding the industry aside, the movies that have seen the light of the day across various distribution channels in 2020 so far have been pretty damn satisfying for the most part. DC cranked out its first wire-to-wire triumph (Birds of Prey), Pete Davidson established himself as a film star to be reckoned with a pair of poignant yet funny coming-of-age tales (The King of Staten Island, Big Time Adolescence), Netflix has yielded impressively consistent results from a dynamic slate that has featured everything from understated family dramas (Uncorked) to high-octane action projects (Extraction, Spenser Confidential) to proudly goofy comedies (The Lovebirds, Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga) and Blumhouse delivered yet another masterclass in how to combine horror with deep, timely themes (The Invisible Man). Regardless of the potential for further changes to both the release calendar and methods of distribution in the coming months, it'll be interesting to see if this quality clip will be sustainable and 2020 can potentially end up rivaling the brilliance of 2019 by year's end. Below, you'll find a list of everything I've seen so far in 2020 ranked from worst to best along with some mid-year awards. Hope you enjoy.    

37.Fantasy Island (C-)

36.The Turning (C-)

35.Never Rarely Sometimes Always (C)

34.Onward (C)

33.The Platform (C+)

32.The Wrong Missy (C+)

31.The Half of It (C+)

30.7500 (C+)

29.Come to Daddy (C+)

28.Bloodshot (B-)

27.Love. Wedding. Repeat. (B-)

26.The Rhythm Section (B-)

25.The Gentlemen (B-)

24.Horse Girl (B-)

23.Lost Bullet (B-)

22.Have a Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics (B)

21.Taylor Swift: Miss Americana (B)

20.Coffee & Kareem (B)

19.All the Bright Places (B)

18.Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (B)

17.Da 5 Bloods (B)

16.The Hunt (B)

15.My Spy (B)

14.Sonic the Hedgehog (B)

13.Underwater (B)

12.Buffaloed (B)

11.The Lovebirds (B)

10.Big Time Adolescence (B+)

9.Spenser Confidential (B+)

8.The Way Back (B+)

7.The Photograph (B+)

6.Uncorked (B+)

5.Bad Boys for Life (B+)

4.Extraction (A-)

3.The King of Staten Island (A-)

2.Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (A-)

1.The Invisible Man (A)

Mid-Year Awards:

Biggest Surprise: Sonic the Hedgehog

Biggest Letdown: The Gentleman 

Most Underrated Movie: Uncorked

Most Overrated Movie: Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Top Performance: Elisabeth Moss, The Invisible Man

Worst Performance: Lucy Hale, Fantasy Island

Best Direction: Leigh Whannell, The Invisible Man

Worst Direction: Jeff Wadlow, Fantasy Island

Best Script: Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson and Dave Sirus, The King of Staten Island

Worst Script: Jillian Jacobs, Chris Roach and Jeff Wadlow, Fantasy Island

Best Ensemble: The King of Staten Island

Worst Ensemble: Fantasy Island

Best Cinematography: Stefan Duscio, The Invisible Man

Best Score: Robert Glasper, The Photograph 

Best Visual Effects: Sonic the Hedgehog  

Breakout Performance: Mamoudou Athie, Uncorked

Breakout Director: Cathy Yan, Birds of Prey

Top Directorial Debut: Sam Hargrave, Extraction

Top Acting Comeback: Delroy Lindo, Da 5 Bloods

Top Directorial Comeback: Peter Berg, Spenser Confidential

Top Action Sequence: The Beautiful Car Chase/Fist Fight/Shootout/Knife Fight Long Take from Extraction 

Best Villain: Roman Sionis/Black Mask (Ewan McGregor), Birds of Prey

Worst Villain: Every antagonist from Fantasy Island

Best Performance in a Bad Movie: Jimmy O. Yang, Fantasy Island

Worst Performance in a Good Movie: Norm Lewis, Da 5 Bloods

Best Overacting: Ewan McGregor, Birds of Prey

Worst Overacting: Jeremy Strong, The Gentlemen 

Most Inexplicable Second Half Collapse: The Turning

Most Satisfying Ending: The Invisible Man

Movie I'm Most Excited to See Operating Under the Comically Optimistic Assumption That Theaters Will Be Able to Open Sometime During the Next 6 Months: Tenet

Movie I'm Most Excited for That I'll Actually Be Able to Watch in the Second Half of 2020:

The Trial of the Chicago 7 

2020 in Music: Mid-Year Review

Compared to other arms of the entertainment industry, the effects of the pandemic haven't really been felt on the studio output side of the music business. New records and singles have been trickling out with only slightly less regularity than normal, which has been great for the artists that were excited to get their stuff out there in 2020 and the fans that were eagerly awaiting the release of said new material. While that's not likely to be the case after the next 3-4 months of backlogged material that was recorded pre-COVID-19, this small slice of vintage normalcy has been nice to experience during a time where day-to-day life has changed so dramatically so quickly.

That relatively unchanged release chain has thankfully resulted in a lot of exciting, important and addictive material that is greatly needed right now. Rising pop superstars took big steps forward (Halsey, Dua Lipa), metal veterans continued to build upon their legacies of consistency (The Black Dahlia Murder, August Burns Red, Lamb of God), Kali Uchis flexed her rare talent level by cutting a self-recorded 4-track EP (To Feel Alive) in 2 days that's more polished than most people's years-in-development projects, the bittersweet posthumous LP from a beloved artist (Mac Miller) garnered a stirring emotional response and the latest string of horrific police brutality incidents have provided a wave of potent, incendiary protest songs (Anderson. Paak's "Lockdown", Lil Baby's "The Bigger Picture", the Terrace Martin/Denzel Curry/Kamasi Washington/Daylyt/G Perico posse cut "Pig Feet") that capture the feelings of the moment in a way that only art can. As we shift into the second half of this unbelievably shitty year, let's hope that whatever music does come out is as bold, interesting and generally satisfying as what's been released over the past six months. Below, you'll find a ranking of every LP and EP I've heard from worst to best, my picks for the top 50 songs and some miscellaneous awards for the musical year thus far. Hope you enjoy and I encourage you to share your own favorites in the comment section below.

EP's:

8.Incubus-Trust Fall (Side B)(C)

7.Crossfaith-Species (C+)

6.Tove Lo-Bikini Porn (B)

5.Flatbush Zombies-Now, More than Ever (B)

4.Hayley Williams-Petals for Armor I (B)

3.RMR-Drug Dealing is a Lost Art (B)

2.Megan Thee Stallion-Suga (B)

1.Kali Uchis-To Feel Alive (A-)

LP's:
50.Poppy-I Disagree (D+)

49.Selena Gomez-Rare (D+)

48.BackxWash-God Has Nothing to Do with This Leave Him Out of It (C-)

47.Chloe x Halle-Ungodly Hour (C)

46.Lady Gaga-Chromatica (C)

45.Fiona Apple-Fetch the Bolt Cutters (C)

44.Tennis-Swimmer (C+)

43.Afterbirth-Four Dimensional Flesh (C+) 

42.$ucideboy$-Stop Staring at the Shadows (C+)

41.Purity Ring-Womb (B-)

40.Emmure-Hindsight (B-)

39.Various Artists-Birds of Prey: The Album (B-)

38.Drake-Dark Lane Demo Tapes (B-)

37.Lil Yachty-Lil Boat 3  (B-)

36.Lil Uzi Vert-Eternal Atake (B-)

35.Invent,Animate-Greyview (B)

34.Body Count-Carnivore (B)

33.Aeternam-Al Qassam (B)

32.Loathe-I Let It In and It Took Everything (B)

31.Make Them Suffer-How to Survive a Funeral (B)

30.Rotting Out-Ronin (B)

29.Future-High Off Life (B)

28.Sylosis-Cycle of Suffering (B)

27.Dogleg-Melee (B)

26.Beneath the Massacre-Fearmonger (B)

25.Carly Rae Jepsen-Dedicated Side B (B)

24.Umbra Vitae-Shadow of Life (B)

23.Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist-Alfredo (B)

22.Don Toliver-Heaven or Hell (B)

21.Lil Uzi Vert-Lil Uzi Vs. the World 2 (B)

20.Denzel Curry x Kenny Beats-Unlocked (B)

19.Dance Gavin Dance-Afterburner (B)

18.Hayley Williams-Petals for Armor (B)

17.Four Year Strong-Brain Pain (B)

16.Tame Impala-The Slow Rush (B)

15.Mac Miller-Circles (B)

14.Lamb of God-Lamb of God (B+)

13.August Burns Red-Guardians (B+)

12.The Ghost Inside-The Ghost Inside (B+)

11.END-Splinters from an Ever-Changing Face (B+)

10.Gunna-WUNNA (B+)

9.Intronaut-Fluid Existential Inversions (B+)

8.Protest the Hero-Palimpsest (B+)

7.Dua Lipa-Future Nostalgia (B+)

6.The Black Dahlia Murder-Verminous (B+)

5.Kvelertak-Splid (B+)

4.Halsey-Manic (B+)

3.Rina Sawayama-Sawayama  (A-)

2.Run the Jewels-RTJ4 (A)

1.The Weekend-After Hours (A) 

Top 50 Songs (in alphabetical order):
Allegaeon-Roundabout (Yes cover) 

Anderson. Paak-Lockdown

August Burns Red-Extinct by Instinct

Black Crown Initiate-Invatation

Black Crown Initiate-Sun of War

Dance Gavin Dance-Calisto Global

Doja Cat-Boss Bitch

Don Toliver-Cardigan 

Dua Lipa-Hallucinate

Dua Lipa-Levitating 

Four Year Strong-Crazy Pills

Future-Solitaries (feat. Travis Scott)

Gunna-ARGENTINA

Gunna-ROCKSTAR BIKERS AND CHAINS

Halsey-3 AM

Halsey-Experiment on Me

Halsey-Still Learning

Hayley Williams-Over Yet

Hayley Williams-Pure Love

Intronaut-Check Your Misfortune

Intronaut-Tripolar

Kali Uchis-angel

Kali Uchis-honey baby (spoiled!)

Kali Uchis-i want war (but I need peace)

Kali Uchis-to feel alive

Kvelertak-Crack of Doom (feat. Troy Sanders)

Kvelertak-Discord

Kvelertak-Fanden ta Dette Hull!

Kvelertak-Uglas Hegemoni

Lil Baby-The Bigger Picture

Lil Uzi Vert-Yessirski (feat. 21 Savage)

Mac Miller-I Can See

Protest the Hero-All Hands

Rina Sawayama-Paradisin

Rina Sawayama-Who's Gonna Save U Now

Rina Sawayama-XS

RMR-Dealer

Rosalia and Travis Scott-TKN

Run the Jewels-Ju$t (feat. Pharrell and Zack de la Roacha) 

Run the Jewels-Out of Sight (feat. 2 Chainz)

Run the Jewels-The Ground Below

Run the Jewels-Walking in the Snow (feat. Gangsta Boo)

Tame Impala-Lost in Yesterday

The Black Dahlia Murder-The Leather Apron's Scorn

The Black Dahlia Murder-The Wereworm's Feast

The Weeknd-After Hours

The Weeknd-Hardest to Love

The Weeknd-In Your Eyes

The Weeknd-Save Your Tears

The Weeknd-Too Late

Mid-Year Awards:
Song of the Year: The Weeknd-"After Hours"
Top Discovery: Rina Sawayama
Best Comeback: Kvelertak
Biggest Surprise: Kvelertak-Splid
Biggest Letdown: Don Toliver-Heaven or Hell
Biggest Step Up from Past Album: Halsey-Manic
Biggest Step Down from Past Album: Dance Gavin Dance-Afterburner
Best Debut: Rina Sawayama-Sawayama 
Biggest Grower: Rina Sawayama-Sawayama
Biggest Slide After Initial Listen: Denzel Curry x Kenny Beats-Unlocked
Most Likely to Rise Upon Subsequent Listens: Protest the Hero-Palimpsest 
Most Likely to Slip Upon Subsequent Listens: Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist-Alfredo
Best 2019 Songs to Gain Notoriety in 2020: Doja Cat-"Say So"
Album I'm Most Excited to (Hopefully): Lana Del Rey-Chemtrails Over the Country Club

Will Smith Ranked

Welcome to the latest edition of the "Ranked" series, where I rank a franchise or the filmography of an actor/director from worst to best and hand out related accolades. This week, I'm profiling the work of one of America's sweethearts: Will Smith.  

Will Smith's Filmography Ranked:
23.Shark Tale (F)
22.The Legend of Bagger Vance (D)
21.Seven Pounds (D+)
20.After Earth (C)
19.Hitch (C+)
18.Men in Black II (C+)
17.Aladdin (B-)
16.Wild Wild West (B)
15.Gemini Man (B)
14.The Pursuit of Happyness (B)
13.Hancock (B)
12.Suicide Squad (B)
11.Bright (B+)
10.I, Robot (B+)
9.Focus (B+)
8.Independence Day (B+)
7.Bad Boys (B+)
6.Bad Boys for Life (B+)
5.Bad Boys II (B+)
4.Men in Black 3 (A-)
3.Concussion (A-)
2.I Am Legend (A)
1.Men in Black (A)

Top Dog: Men in Black (1997)
The original Men in Black should be right up there with Jurassic Park, The Matrix and Terminator 2: Judgement Day in the pantheon of 90's blockbusters. It's great mix of comedy and sci-fi action, inspired oddball lead pairing of the charismatic Smith and curmudgeon Tommy Lee Jones and clever premise made it a textbook display of the unparalleled wonders of high quality lighthearted entertainment.

Lowlight: Shark Tale (2004)
Of all the misguided, annoying and just flat out insufferable animated films I've ever seen, Shark Tale sits alone atop the trash heap. The only thing that's impressive about it is how the people at Dreamworks were able to assemble a star-studded voice cast that includes Smith, Robert De Niro, Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Renee Zellweger and Martin Scorsese for what is essentially a disastrous  gangster movie starring sea creatures that's aimed at children for some reason. This shit is so cripplingly dumb, annoying and devoid of laughs or heart that it shouldn't been able to attract an awful community theater troupe, let alone an ensemble that as of today has a combined 6 Oscar wins and 25 nominations between them. Guess that's what the magic of big paychecks and a brand that was really popping after the massive success of Shrek can get you in Hollywood.    

Most Underrated: Focus (2015)
Following the dreary mediocrity of After Earth, Focus was the perfect vehicle for Smith to get his groove back. Driven by the intoxicating pairing of Smith and Margot Robbie, and a number of dazzlingly elaborate setpieces that take full advantage of their wonderous settings (New Orleans, Buenos Aries), this breezy, twist-heavy tale about a pair of con artists who quickly develop a complicated personal and working relationship following a chance encounter at an upscale restaurant keeps the audience engaged and guessing about what's real and what's part of the con until the very end.

Most Overrated: Hitch (2005)
Outside of Smith's abundant natural charisma in the titular role of dating advice guru Alex Hitchens, Hitch boasts a level of anonymity that would make The Phantom of the Opera jealous. The jokes are good enough to deliver some chuckles yet not inspired enough to land with any sort of real impact, the attempts to pull the heartstrings are neither corny enough to elicit a cringe or warm enough to be moving and perhaps worst of all, the characters are so collectively blah that it's hard to care whether or not they end up finding love by the end of the movie. Apathy is such a weird feeling to have about a romantic comedy that part of me would've almost preferred if it veered into obnoxiously unfunny/boring territory like Andy Tennant's other offerings from this era (Sweet Home Alabama, Fool's Gold, The Bounty Hunter), but alas here we are with the rare entry in this genre that falls firmly into the no man's land category of my rating spectrum.      

Most Iconic Turd: Wild Wild West (1999)
Wild Wild West is the rare kind of misfire that is so relentlessly bonkers that it becomes mesmerizing. The attempts at intentional humor are so oddly tasteless they develop kind of a surreal quality, Kenneth Branaugh's turn as a wheelchair-bound ex-Confederate officer with an affinity for engineering that's exceptionally advanced for 1869 is the type of unapologetic overacting that the medium needs more of and the fact that the devious plan Branaugh's character cooks up involves kidnapping the world's best scientists to build him a giant mechanical spider so he can intimidate Ulysses S. Grant into re-dividing the territories of the United States is so fucking absurd that it's a borderline stroke of creative genius. Now the Library of Congress needs to step up and do the right thing and enshrine this gloriously demented trainwreck into the National Film Archive as soon as it's appropriate to do so.      

An Entire Section Dedicated to Why His Portrayal of Genie in Aladdin was so great:
Here's a take that will likely make some Disney purists sick to their stomachs: Will Smith's portrayal of Genie in the live action version of Aladdin is just as good as Robin Williams' in the animated one. Smith's quick wit, joyous energy and inherent magnetism allows him to make the character his own while retaining the seemingly effortless scene-stealing quality that made Williams' portrayal so uniquely special.

Least Charismatic Live Action Role: Bagger Vance, The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000)
The whole "it factor" ideology that separates bona fide movie stars from the rest of the acting community has been the focal point of Smith's identity as a screen performer since he debuted on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. His sheer magnetism is the type of powerful gravitational force that is just about impossible to ignore whenever he's on screen. Stripping that rare gift away is an exceptionally hard task, but The Legend of Bagger Vance managed to pull it off. Turns out all you need to do to suffocate Smith's endless likability is have him play a mystical, arguably offensive character that appears out of thin air to dispense advice to a drunk, disgraced World War I veteran (Matt Damon) who was a prolific golfer and all around swell guy with a heavily-desired lass before he left for the battlefield. As he slowly fixes the ills of Damon's personal and professional life, Smith becomes more and more of a charisma vacuum with each passing nauseatingly sentimental monologue of alleged wisdom. Thankfully, he's never managed to replicate this level of stunning emptiness on screen since and if he can make it out of a melodramatic stinker like Seven Pounds or dull epic like After Earth without sinking to those level of anti-charisma, I'm pretty confident he can continue to do so in the future.