Album Review: Frank Ocean-Blonde

In April 2014, Frank Ocean announced that the follow-up to his widely-acclaimed 2012 debut LP channel ORANGE was almost completed. That announcement was unfortunately followed by over two years of constant misdirection and false hope regarding its release. Every few months or so Ocean or a music news website would tease a release date, the most buzzworthy one being when he posted a picture of a library card that contained the perceived album title Boys Don't Cry and a bunch of seemingly random dates onto his website in early July, that ultimately proved to be false. The wait appeared to be finally over when the New York Times reported in late July that Boys Don't Cry would be released on August 5th via Apple Music and iTunes, but that day came and went without the album surfacing. When it seemed like Boys Don't Cry was bound to become the next Detox or Chinese Democracy, Ocean quietly dropped the album,now known as Blonde, around 6:00 P.M. EST on Saturday August 20th. If Blonde is any indicator of what happens when you give Ocean time to fully flesh out his vision, he can continue to take his sweet-ass time with all of his future projects. 

The musical approach Ocean employs on Blonde is gusty as hell for a hotly-anticipated follow-up to an album that helped him achieve breakout mainstream success. While channel ORANGE was by no means a straightforward R&B album, it was extremely accessible compared to the material found on Blonde. Ocean spends the entire album deep down the experimental rabbit hole utilizing  abstract, ambient production, an array of different vocal effects and strange samples from a variety of different genres of music to enhance his original compositions. The addition of all of these new elements to the fold makes Ocean's song structures even more more unconventional and layered than they were in the past. The constant experimentation doesn't always yield positive results ("Skyline To", "White Ferrari" and "Self Control" are pretty dull), but Ocean still deserves a ton of credit for being bold enough to follow up channel ORANGE with such a bizarre, avant-garde album.
 

Despite having a vastly different sound than his previous material, Ocean's emotional transparency is still the driving force behind his music. Whether he's focusing on his loneliness ("Solo"), lost love ("Ivy") or overindulgence in sex and drugs ("Pink+White"), the pain, regret and rage in his voice on this collection of songs practically bleeds out of the speakers and stabs the listener directly in the heart. Every lyric he writes and feeling he displays is laced with overwhelming sincerity and that palpable authenticity is one of the main reasons his music is so consistently immersive and impressive. Plenty of artists put their internal feelings and personal experiences on display in their music, but few can generate the emotional resonance Ocean produces on almost all of his songs.     


Blonde proves that channel ORANGE wasn't lightning in a bottle and Ocean really is one of the most profound, unique and emotionally-striking artists on the planet right now. While it's definitely not my favorite album of the year so far, I have a strong feeling that Blonde will have the most staying power and impact among future generations of anything released this year. It's the type of nuance and symbolism-filled record that demands to be discussed and dissected at length by music scholars and aficionados around the globe for decades to come. I have no idea where Ocean's music is headed next, but I'm absolutely elated to find out, regardless of how long it takes for that next batch of material to come together.  

4/5 Stars

Standout Tracks

1.Pink+White

2.Nights
3.Solo

Top 20 Most Anticipated Albums of Fall 2016

20.Giraffe Tongue Orchestra-Broken Lines (Release Date: September 23rd)
19.Isaiah Rashad-The Sun's Tirade (Release Date: September 2nd)
18.Trap Them-Crown Feral (Release Date: September 23rd)
17.Tove Lo-Lady Wood (Release Date: October 28th)
16.Testament-The Brotherhood of the Snake (Release Date: October 28th)
15.Travi$ Scott-Birds in the Trap Sing Brian McKnight (Release Date: TBD)
14.Allegaeon-Proponent for Sentience (Release Date: September 23rd)
13.Anciients-Voice of the Void (Release Date: October 14th)
12.Meshuggah-The Violent Sleep of Reason (Release Date: October 14th)
11.Migos-No Label III (Release Date: TBD September/October)
10.Metallica-Hardwired... To Self Destruct (Release Date: November 18th)
9.Mac Miller-The Divine Feminine (Release Date: September 16th)
8.Dance Gavin Dance-Mothership (Release Date: October 7th)
7.Banks-The Altar (Release Date: September 30th)
6.A Day to Remember-Bad Vibrations (Release Date: September 2nd)
5.Serpentine Dominion-Serpentine Dominion (Release Date: October 28th)
4.Animals as Leaders-The Madness of Many (Release Date: TBD October/November)
3.Danny Brown-The Atrocity Exhibition (Date: September 30th) 
2.Every Time I Die-Low Teens (Release Date: September 23rd)
1.The Dillinger Escape Plan-Dissociation (Release Date: October 14th) 

Also Interested In:
Clipping-Splendor & Misery (Release Date: September 9th)
Cruel Hand-Your World Won't Listen (Release Date: September 9th)
Devin Townsend Project-Transcendence (Release Date: September 9th)
Norma Jean-Polar Similar (Release Date: September 9th)
Heaven Shall Burn-Wanderer (Release Date: September 16th)
Touche Amore-Stage Four (Release Date: September 16th)
Turnstile-Move Thru Me (Release Date: September 16th)
Sum 41-13 Voices (Release Date: October 7th)
Red Fang-Only Ghosts (Release Date: October 14th) 
Korn-The Serenity of Suffering (Release Date: October 21st)
Crowbar-The Serpent Only Lies (Release Date: October 28th)
Ulcerate-Shrines of Paralysis (Release Date: October 28th)
Dark Tranquillity-Atoma (Release Date: November 4th)
Vader-The Empire (Release Date: November 4th)
In Flames-Battles (Release Date: November 11th)
Sleigh Bells-Jessica Rabbit (Release Date: November 11th)
Childish Gambino-PHAROS (Release Date: TBD September)
Havok-TBD (Release Date: TBD)

The Best and Worst of Brian Cox

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "Morgan" star Brian Cox.

Films starring Brian Cox that I've seen:
Airplane II: The Sequel
Braveheart
Rushmore 
Super Troopers
The Rookie
The Bourne Identity
The Ring
X2: X-Men United
The Bourne Supermacy
Red Eye
The Ringer
Zodiac
Red
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
The Campaign
Red 2
Her
Pixels

Best Performance: Super Troopers (2002)
Cox is essentially the Scottish answer to Steve Buscemi as he's one of the most active and respected character actors in the business starring in a number of beloved films over the past 25 years including Braveheart, Zodiac and Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Despite building his legacy off of starring in action and drama films, his career-defining moment to-date came in the cult comedy gem Super Troopers. As the commander of an eccentric group of Vermont state troopers, Cox displays a surprising knack for absurd, zany humor and held his own among a group of seasoned comedians. Super Troopers allowed Cox to add inane, dumb comedies to his expansive repertoire and further solidify his standing as one of Hollywood's most versatile and prominent supporting actors.      

Worst Performance: Rushmore (1998)
One of the many pluses of being a character actor instead of a full-blown movie star is that you're usually not on screen long enough to garner much of a reaction from the audience. Of course there are a fair number of exceptions to the rule, but for the most part you're just a small cog in the story that doesn't really get an opportunity to really shine or falter. Cox's only real misfire came as Dr. Nelson Guggenheim, the headmaster at the titular private school in Wes Anderson's douchey, coming-of-age comedy Rushmore. Cox serves as the sparring partner for Jason Schwartzman's arrogant, quirky fuckhead protagonist Max Fischer and you better believe there are numerous scenes of pretentious and completely unnatural banter between the crotchety old authority figure and the rebellious, intellectual 15-year old student. Cox played the character as it was intended to be played, I just wanted to throw him into a car crusher every time he appeared on screen, thus making it an insufferable performance.

Best Film: Braveheart (1995)
War epics simply don't get much better than Mel Gibson's Braveheart. It may be corny as all hell, but the battle scenes are terrific and the story remains interesting throughout is nearly three-hour runtime. 

Worst Film: The Ring (2002)
For reasons I'll never understand, the hype train that builds around horror films is an unrivaled phenomenon in pop culture. The select number of films in a given year that win the approval of the genre's rabid fans receive a word-of-mouth backing so strong that it almost can't be comprehended. The Ring, a remake of the 1998 Japanese film Ringu, is one of those films and I'll never for the life of me understand how it became so beloved among horror movie enthusiasts. I believe that The Ring symbolizes everything that's wrong with modern horror. It favors a barrage of jump scares over building a creepy atmosphere, the script is incoherent and the unintentional comedy value is off-the-charts. It's not quite as cringeworthy as some other supernatural horror movies released around that time (2003's Darkness Falls, 2001's Jeepers Creepers), but it's still really awful.   

Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of  "When the Bough Breaks" star Regina Hall. 

Top 10 Most Anticipated Films of Fall 2016

The summer season officially concluded this past weekend with an unusual amount of fanfare as Fede Alvarez's horror/thriller Don't Breathe received stellar reviews and made $26.1 million in its first three days of release, which was a record-high August opener for Sony's Screen Gems label. The surprise success of Don't Breathe marked a rare triumph in what was one of the most bitched-about and bomb-filled summer movie slates in recent memory. A majority of the sequels on the slate grossed merely a fraction of what the original did (Alice Through the Looking Glass, Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows) while other tentpole titles were widely trashed by audiences and critics alike (Suicide Squad, Independence Day: Resurgence, Ice Age: Collision Course), regardless of box success.Fall, with its onslaught of awards-bait and highly-anticipated reboots, spin-offs and sequels, represents a much-needed clean slate for the industry as the major studios (save for Disney, who escaped this nighmarish summer with a pair of universally-beloved, smash hits in Finding Dory and Captain America: Civil War) recoup the financial damage and tidal waves of critical/audience scorn they've taken over the past four months.
 
I'm in the complete opposite camp as the studios and a large number of moviegoers as I was highly satisfied with this summer's offerings on the whole and am currently looking at the fall slate with a lot of indifference outside of a dozen or so titles. Hopefully September-December will produce some surprises because as of right now, the prospects for the final stretch of 2016 in film is murky at best and depressing at worst. Without any further aimless rambling, here are the 10 films I'm most excited to see this fall.

10.Patriots Day (12/21): As someone who is from the Boston-area, Patriots Day-the dramatization of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing-is a film that hits very close to home. I'm very interested to see what angle director Peter Berg (Lone Survivor, Friday Night Lights) takes in telling this very complex story and if the cast led by Mark Whalberg, John Goodman and J.K. Simmons can accurately capture the relentless spirit and bravery of the key players that were involved with the bombing itself as well as the harrowing aftermath.

9.Nocturnal Animals (11/11): Nocturnal Animals is a film that I don't know much about as there is no trailer out right now and the plot details that are available are pretty vague. However, the prospect of seeing a film features two of my favorite actors (Jake Gyllenhaal and Amy Adams) in the lead roles makes me absolutely giddy.

8.The Birth of a Nation (10/7): While the saga surrounding writer/director/star Nate Parker's sexual assault case from 1999 is awful and a completely valid reason to not support his work, I'm not going to let it effect my anticipation level for The Birth of a Nation. Nat Turner is one of the most fascinating figures in all of American history and if his story is told correctly, it has the potential to be the potent, no-holds-barred look at the atrocities of slavery that Hollywood has needed to release for quite some time.
 

7.Arrival (11/11): The trailer wasn't as impressive I had hoped it would be given its unique concept (a linguist is brought in by the United States military to try and communicate with aliens that have just landed on Earth), but the pairing of elite actors in Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner and Forest Whitaker with a director in Denis Villeneuve (Sicario, Prisoners) that's currently on a hot streak is more than enough to get me in the theater opening weekend.

6.Bleed for This (11/4): Has Hollywood put out an oddly high number of boxing films over the past couple of yes? Yes. Is that fact going to stop me from getting excited about Bleed for This? Absolutely not. With an unbelievable, fact-based story to work with and an incredible actor in Miles Teller in the lead role, Bleed for This could very well end up being the undisputed champion among the sea of recently-released boxing films.
  

5.Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (12/16): The only reason this isn't higher is because I don't like director Gareth Edwards's past work and I wouldn't be shocked if he found a way to botch this. Both trailers that have been released so far have been excellent, the cast is great and as a longtime Star Wars fan, it should be cool to see a film dedicated to the origins of the Rebel Alliance.

4.Snowden (9/16): Co-writer/director Oliver Stone's inconsistent track record and the film's multiple release date shifts (it was originally supposed to be released on Christmas Day last year) makes be a bit nervous about its quality, but Edward Snowden's fascinating backstory and the insane amount of talent in this ensemble cast gives me faith that this will be one of Stone's hits on the dartboard.

3.Passengers (12/23): Passengers boasts an original concept, two of the most likable, talented actors on the planet right now in Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt in the leading roles and a writer/director pairing (Jon Spaihts and Morten Tyldum) with a solid track record of producing quality films. In other words, I'm sold.
 

2.The Girl on the Train (10/7): The novel version of The Girl on the Train has been widely (and favorably) compared to Gone Girl. As Gone Girl was my favorite film of 2014, that fact alone has sold me on seeing The Girl on the Train. While it would be unfair to expect it to match the quality of David Fincher and Gillian Flynn's film, the excellent trailers and strong cast including Emily Blunt, Justin Theroux and Allison Janney certainly make it seem like a real possibility.

1.The Magnificent Seven (9/23): Antonie Fuqua's (Training Day, Southpaw) reboot of The Magnificent Seven looks like the type of grand-scale, ultra-fun affair the western genre hasn't seen since the Coen Brothers' True Grit reboot back in 2010. Throw in an amazing ensemble cast headlined by the always great Denzel Washington and a script co-written by True Detective showrunner Nic Pizzolatto and veteran action movie scribe Richard Wenk (The Expendables 2, The Mechanic), and you have a recipe for this fall's most promising film.   

Films I'm also interested in:

The Light Between Oceans (9/2)

Morgan (9/2)

Yoga Hosers (9/2)

Sully (9/9)

Blair Witch (9/16)

Storks (9/23)
Goat (9/23)

Deepwater Horizon (9/30)

Masterminds (9/30)
The Greasy Strangler (10/7)

The Accountant (10/14)

Kevin Hart: What Now? (10/14)

A Monster Calls (10/21)

American Pastoral (10/21)

In a Valley of Violence (10/21)

Keeping Up with the Joneses (10/21)

Doctor Strange (11/4)

Hacksaw Ridge (11/4)

Loving (11/4)

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk (11/11)

The Edge of Seventeen (11/18)

Manchester by the Sea (11/18)

Allied (11/23)

Bad Santa 2 (11/23)

Rules Don't Apply (11/23)

La La Land (12/2)

Office Christmas Party (12/9)

Fences (12/16)

The Founder (12/16)

Gold (12/25)

Why Him? (12/25)

Concert Review: Black Sabbath--Mansfield, MA-- August 25th,2016

Lineup: Black Sabbath/Rival Sons
Venue: Xfinity Center, Mansfield, Massachusetts
Date: August 25th, 2016

Rival Sons: Rival Sons is a band that I'd heard a decent amount of hype around over the past few years, but had never bothered to actually check out. After seeing them live, I doubt I'll ever listen to them again. They were an inoffensive yet completely forgettable blues-tinged hard rock band that brought nothing interesting to the table outside of a couple of decent guitar solos. Black Sabbath could've brought out a far worse opener for their final U.S. tour, but I feel like a stoner rock/metal like Red Fang or Clutch would've been a far more fitting choice for this coveted slot.

Black Sabbath: When it comes to heavy metal, no band has more clout than Black Sabbath. The roots of every single metal band of the past 40 years can be tied back to the British four-piece that took the early 1970's by storm with a crushing, sinister type of music that had never been heard before. While there were a number of other bands that played a bigger role in developing my love affair with metal, I've always appreciated Black Sabbath and thoroughly enjoy a number of their albums (particularly Paranoid and Master of Reality). I finally got the opportunity to see the godfathers of the genre that has been an integral part of my life for the past 11 years and it made for one of the most special performances I've seen.

Based on the way Black Sabbath performed last night, you would've they were a young band in the middle of their prime. The precision and edge they played with for a band that is collectively pushing 70 was awe-inspiring to behold. Ozzy Osbourne verified why he's one of the most iconic frontmen in the history of music with a stunning vocal performance and towering stage presence, Geezer Butler can still slap the ever-loving shit out of the bass and watching guitarist/riffmaster overlord Tony Iommi play live filled me with a borderline pathetic level of joy. It's honestly kind of astonishing how these guys still sound so good at their age and more aging bands should drink from whatever fountain of youth Osbourne, Butler and Iommi have been sipping from.

Further cementing this set's brilliance was a hit-showcasing, career retrospective setlist that was pretty much perfect. The slow-burning "Black Sabbath" did a great job of establishing the set's haunting, bittersweet tone while "Into the Void" and "Children of the Grave" were so beautifully satisfying and heavy that they reduced me to a combination of shit-eating grins and dumbfounded expressions. Even songs like "Dirty Women" and "Iron Man" that I don't really like that much on record absolutely destroyed live. "Electric Funeral" being the only non-instrumental song they didn't play from Paranoid was a bit disappointing , but that was merely a small misstep in an otherwise excellent setlist.  
 
Getting to see Black Sabbath on their farewell tour was a surreal, invigorating experience that greatly surpassed every expectation I had before the show. If you're a Sabbath fan or just appreciate heavy metal in any capacity, I urge to you see them-regardless of how much it costs-while you still have the chance. 
 
Scores:
Rival Sons 5/10
Black Sabbath 10/10

Setlist:
Black Sabbath:
Black Sabbath
Fairies Wear Boots
After Forever
Into the Void
Snowblind
War Pigs
Behind the Wall of Sleep
N.I.B.
Hand of Doom
Rat Salad (w/extended drum solo)
Iron Man
Dirty Women
Children of the Grave

Encore:
Paranoid

5 Pieces of Fantasy Football Advice to Consider Before Your Draft

"These 5 fantasy football sleepers will help you win your league":http://ftw.usatoday.com/2016/08/2016-fantasy-football-sleepers
"How to find a breakout fantasy star": http://www.espn.com/fantasy/football/story/_/id/17381117/matthew-berry-2016-fantasy-football-team-names-breakout-players-risers-rookies
"Fantasy Football 2016: 6 high-reward players to target in your draft": http://www.behindthesteelcurtain.com/fantasy-football-news-roster-depth-chart/2016/8/17/12494604/fantasy-football-2016-6-high-reward-players-to-target-in-your-draft

Articles and videos like the ones listed above flood sports sites this time of year. Every paid fantasy "expert" claims to have a foolproof strategy to win titles. My question to them is how do you make guarantees in a game that's based on a sport that is consistently insane and unpredictable? What if the guys you guaranteed to be studs get injured or underwhelm? What if that late-round sleeper that was supposed to lead me to the promised land ends up being the only schmuck on my time that's any good? What if a previously great team full of highly-touted fantasy players suddenly loses their way?

As a loudmouth blogger with no shortage of opinions on this subject, I figured I would offer up a fantasy football draft advice column of my own. I won't guarantee you a damn thing, but I will say that I feel simple draft strategies like these are vastly overlooked among all the "draft this asshole and you'll crush the rest of the dumbasses in your league" pieces that are out there right now. I hope this serves as a departure from the typical draft pieces on the bigger websites and I'll gladly accept gifts if any of these strategies end up helping you win your league this year.

Trust Your Gut: This is by far the simplest advice I can give to people who are struggling with figuring out a draft strategy. If you feel like a player represents the best value at that pick, you should go for it, regardless of what position they play (you probably shouldn't take a kicker in the first 6 or 7 rounds though). Fantasy football isn't the exact science the high-profile experts at ESPN, NFL.com and Yahoo! make it out to be and you shouldn't be afraid to pull the trigger on a player you believe in because it goes against popular draft strategies. 

Read the Room: Clearly this rule doesn't apply to people who are in public leagues with strangers, but for anyone who is in a league with friends, co-workers, etc., this is arguably the most important rule of fantasy football. Every person has a different approach for building a fantasy football team, so it's important to monitor the approach each person takes with their first couple of picks before you fully commit to a strategy. Following the default rankings to a T and/or entering draft with a firm plan is just silly given the full-blown insanity that can occur on a whim in a fantasy football draft room.

Don't Feel Obligated to Take a Running Back in the 1st round: NFL.com fantasy analysts Michael Fabiano and Adam Rank preach the importance of taking a running back in the 1st round in almost every column they write or television segment they appear on. Given the pass-first mentality that has taken over the league, Fabiano and Rank's unwavering love of running backs make them sound like a pair of men that have just awoken from a decade-long coma. The "bellcow" running back glory days of the early-to-mid 2000's where the likes of LaDanian Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander and Priest Holmes were the keys to fantasy gold are long gone. You can take a wide receiver, quarterback or even a tight end like Rob Gronkowski in the 1st round and still be on the path to potential fantasy glory. There are still a handful of guys that worthy of 1st round consideration (Todd Gurley, Adrian Peterson, David Johnson, Lamar Miller), but to say that running backs are the cornerstone of a successful fantasy team in 2016 is downright absurd.

Don't Go Overboard with Drafting Players from the Same Team: I have a friend that this does religiously because he won a title with the combo of Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Rob Gronkowski and Stephen Gostkowski in 2011. For those don't remember, that was the season the Patriots went 13-3 and went to the Super Bowl that season. His annual attempts to recreate that magical season have been unsuccessful. Taking a QB/WR, QB/RB, RB/WR, etc. combo from the same team is a logical move, but living and dying on the backs of 1 team is a disaster waiting to happen 99% of the time. 1 down week from that group and your title dreams could go up in smoke (this happened with my aforementioned friend when the record-setting 2013 Broncos offense, which he owned 5 members of, shit the bed against the Chargers in Week 15). A small number of people will get lucky and net a title using this strategy, but it's a popular move that usually backfires.

Don't Draft Players by Name: What I mean by this is don't draft players based on their legacies. Every single year there are older players that are overvalued due to the fact they've put together impressive, Hall-of-Fame caliber careers (in 2015 it was Andre Johnson and Peyton Manning) who ending getting drafted in the first 4-5 round and subsequently burning their fantasy owners with well below-average production. Unless that player is constantly putting up eye-popping numbers that deifies their age (ex: Adrian Peterson, Tom Brady, Larry Fitzgerald), don't waste a high pick on them.

2016 NFL Preview: AFC North

Baltimore Ravens

2015 Record: 5-11 (3rd in AFC North)

Head Coach: John Harbaugh (9th season)

Notable Additions: S Eric Weddle, WR Mike Wallace, CB Jerraud Powers

Notable Departures: G Kelechi Osemele, ILB Daryl Smith, T Eugene Monroe (retired)

Offense:
The Ravens offense going into 2016 is not in the greatest shape from an overall talent standpoint, but they're at least on track to be healthy out of the gate after major injuries to key players pretty much single-handedly derailed their 2015 season. Quarterback Joe Flacco, running back Justin Forsett, wide receiver Steve Smith, center Jeremy Zuttah and tight end Crockett Gilmore haven't had setbacks in their rehabilitation and are all currently slated to be on the field when the Ravens take on the Buffalo Bills in Week 1. If the improbable happens and the offense gets bombarded with injuries and/or further regresses, my theory that their offensive coordinator Marc Trestman is a demon that was sent from the depths of hell to ruin talented offense is correct and general manager Ozzie Newsome should put a stop to his reign of terror by promptly throwing him into a piranha tank.
 
With the health of their top players presumably restored, the Ravens primary concern can be shifted over to their offensive line. They are returning 3 out of 5 starters including perennial All-Pro guard Marshal Yanda, but the loss of left guard Kelechi Osemele in free agency and left tackle Eugene Monroe to retirement could be potentially devastating for this unit. Osemele is one of the most powerful, well-rounded guards in the league and while Monroe has been plagued by injury over the past couple of years, he was a rock-solid left tackle whenever he was on the field. Osemele and Monroe are being replaced by John Urschel and rookie Ronnie Stanley, who was selected 6th overall in this year's draft. Urschel has picked up 10 starts (mostly at center after Zuttah got injured last season) over the past 2 seasons, but hasn't shown enough to prove he's capable of being a full-time starter in the league and while Stanley has showed a lot of promise in training camp and the preseason so far, left tackle at the professional level has such a steep learning curve that even the promising players at the position tend to get destroyed as rookies. If the newcomers struggle to adjust to being full-time starters in the NFL and right tackle Ricky Wagner can't return to form after a disastrous 2015 campaign, the Ravens could end up having their worst offensive line in at least a decade.

Their receiver group is also going to need to mesh if they want to return to form this season. Steve Smith Sr. will be back for his 16th NFL season, but coming off of a major Achilles injury at age 37 makes his comeback bid far from a sure thing. Things are equally unsettled behind Smith. 2015 1st-round pick Breshad Perriman-who has yet to play a down in the NFL-seems to develop a new ailment every day, free-agent pickup Mike Wallace is an excellent fit for the Ravens deep-ball heavy passing game, but his limited route tree and shaky hands make it hard for him to be relied upon as a primary target, their clusterfuck of tight ends (Maxx Williams, Gilmore, Nick Boyle, the newly-signed Benjamin Watson, possibly the remains of Dennis Pitta) are all average at best and it's currently unclear how 2015 standout Kamar Aiken will fare when he's not the only competent option in the passing game. There's certainly some promise with their young guys (especially Aiken) and Smith has defied the odds so many times before that it's hard to seriously doubt him, but there's also no reason to have serious faith in any wide receiver or tight end that is currently on the Ravens roster.
  

Defense:
 The passing of the torch in the Ravens defensive front appears to be in full swing.The Ravens used their 2nd and 3rd round picks in this year's draft on a pair of edge-rushers in Kamalei Correa and Bronson Kaufusi and a 4th-rounder on defensive tackle/end Willie Henry. Adding Correa, Kaufusi and Henry to a group of already promising young players anchored by inside linebacker C.J Mosley, defensive end Timmy Jernigan and nose tackle Brandon Williams proves that Newsome is making a conscious effort to not repeat the sins of other teams with aging stars by bringing in new blood while the older guys (Terrell Suggs, Elvis Dumervil) are still around to hold down starting spots and bestow their wisdom onto the young guys before they ride off into the sunset.

Just like the past few seasons, the Ravens strong front appears set to be undermined by the utter chaos and general lack of talent within their secondary. The addition of 5-time All-Pro safety Eric Weddle in free agency appeared to be the game-changing move they needed to finally get back on track, but that was almost immediately offset by the loss of talented young safety Will Hill, who was released 48 hours after Weddle signed with the team after once again demonstrating his lack of commitment to football by picking up his 4th drug-related suspension in 5 seasons.

To offset the loss of Hill, the Ravens have moved longtime starting corner Lardarius Webb to free safety. Plenty of aging, former star corners have found at new life after being moved to safety later in their career (Charles Woodson, Rod Woodson, Ronde Barber), but none of them were struggling as bad or as injury-prone as Webb at this point of their careers. However, Webb is only about four years removed from being an elite NFL corner, so it's certainly possible that this move could revitalize his career and make head coach John Harbaugh and defensive coordinator Dean Pees look like geniuses in the process.

The cornerback situation is somehow even messier than safety. Shareece Wright and Jimmy Smith did a fun body swap exercise in 2015 as the usually inept Wright turned into a pretty solid player as soon as he arrived in Baltimore (he was signed in early October after being released by the 49ers) while the usually excellent Smith looked like a rookie who was in way over his head dealing with top wideouts. Anyway you could possibly assess the prospects of Wright and Smith for this season, this a corner tandem that you simply can't rely on to be productive heading into 2016.

It wouldn't be a Ravens season preview without talking about their inability to lock down a competent slot corner. It looked like they had finally found the answer when they signed ex-Patriot Kyle Arrington, but he was a massive disappointment in his 1st season with the team. The Ravens newest bold solution to their slot corner woes was to bring in veteran Jerraud Powers, who has spent the past 3 seasons being the weak link in an otherwise excellent Cardinals secondary. Powers is a below average corner at best and I don't see how he's going to fare any better than Arrington did in the slot. As far as I'm concerned, the decision to play Powers and Arrington in the slot is a coin-flip with no good outcome. They are both established, mediocre veterans who hit their ceilings years ago and are unlikely to make this embattled secondary any better or worse. 

Bottom Line:
The Ravens are one of the most popular choices for a bounceback season in 2016, but the unusual amount of question marks that they have surrounding them on both sides of the ball leads me to believe that they'll miss the playoffs for a 2nd straight season.

Cincinnati Bengals

2015 Record: 10-6 (1st in AFC North)

Head Coach: Marvin Lewis (14th season)

Notable Additions: WR Brandon LaFell, ILB Karlos Dansby, S Jimmy Wilson

Notable Departures: WR Marvin Jones, S Reggie Nelson, WR Momahed Sanu

Offense:
While I doubt it will happen given the consistent contempt Bengals fans show for their team, they should welcome back starting quarterback Andy Dalton with open arms this season. A.J McCarron was able to keep the ship afloat when Dalton was held out of the last 4 games of the season after suffering a broken thumb on his throwing hand making an ill-advised tackle on an interception return in Week 14 against the Steelers, but he was merely a middling game manager who couldn't be called upon to make big plays. Dalton is a productive and proven veteran quarterback with an excellent track record in the regular season and as long as he's out there, the Bengals are going to be in playoff contention in the AFC.

Dalton's return has made some waves, but the main storyline coming out of Bengals camp this offseason is who's going to land the vacant starting receiver spot (2015 starter Marvin Jones signed with the Lions in free agency) alongside star wideout A.J. Green. With last year's number 3 wideout Momahed Sanu also departing in free agency, the battle for the number 2 receiver job appears to be between newly-added veteran wideout Brandon LaFell and rookie Tyler Boyd. LaFell appears to have the inside track for the job at the moment, but if the drop problem he showed with the Patriots last season continues in the early stages of this season, Boyd should be able to take his job in no time at all.

Some analysts have theorized that the running game is going to suffer now that offensive coordinator Hue Jackson is gone, but I firmly believe that the Bengals rushing attack is going to be stronger in 2016. Their heavily-criticized starting running back Jeremy Hill had one of the biggest sophomore slumps after an excellent rookie campaign in recent memory with a weak 3.6 YDS per carry and a well below-average 794 yards in 2015, but I expect this to only be a bump in the road for the LSU-bred running back. Giovani Bernard followed up his promising rookie campaign with a terrible 2nd season before getting back on track last year. With one of the best offensive lines in the league in front of him and a punishing rushing style that tends to lead to high production levels in the NFL, Hill is in an excellent position to have a similar resurgence in 2016. If Hill can get back on track, this offense should be able to remain the well-balanced force they were under Jackson.
 
Defense:
The cash-strapped Bengals were forced to make some tough decisions in free agency this season with 4 starters hitting the open market. They wisely decided to use their limited space to re-up on their excellent 26-year old safety George Iloka and cornerback Adam Jones, who is strangely playing the best football in his early 30's and let 2015 All-Pro safety Reggie Nelson, who turns 33 in September and 9-year veteran cornerback Leon Hall walk.

Outside of  Nelson, Hall and backup defensive end Wallace Gilberry, this is basically the same unit that took the field in 2015. The defensive front led by defensive tackle Geno Atkins and defensive end Carlos Dunlap features one of the most explosive pass-rushes in the league, their rush defense is quietly excellent (finished 7th in the league in 2015) and while losing a player of Nelson and rookie cornerback William Jackson III to a season-ending pectoral tear stings, there's enough talent in place to ensure that the secondary doesn't completely collapse this season. With little notable changes and every notable contributor (except for Jones) under the age of 30, this defense appears to be in pristine shape heading into 2016. 

Bottom Line:
This looks like a classic Bengals team, so expect a solid regular season before their annual grand-scale meltdown on Wild Card weekend.

Cleveland Browns

2015 Record: 3-13 (4th in AFC North)

Head Coach: Hue Jackson (1st season)

Notable Additions: QB Robert Griffin III, ILB Demario Davis, S Rahim Moore

Notable Departures: C Alex Mack, T Mitchell Schwartz, QB Johnny Manziel

Offense:
The Cleveland Browns finally decided to do the mass house-cleaning they've putting off for a decade this season by firing head coach Mike Pettine, general manager Ray Farmer and either releasing or refusing to re-sign 9 starters this offseason. Arguably the most notable move of the bunch was the decision to cut ties with troubled quarterback Johnny Manziel after 2 seasons because of his off-the-field partying antics.

With Manziel now of the picture, would they draft another quarterback at the top of the draft? Or perhaps bring in a journeyman veteran to serve as a stopgap until they find a young player they like? The answer to both of those questions is of course not. The new Browns braintrust headed by general manager Sashi Brown and his team of Ivy League-educated analytics guys thought the safest bet to replace their embattled young quarterback was to bring in another one in Robert Griffin III, who is essentially just Manziel without the coke problem. After the RG3 signing, I'm questioning whether or not the Browns number-crunchers even graduated from middle school, let alone Harvard or Princeton.

RG3's career following his Offensive Rookie of the Year campaign in 2012 has been a trainwreck of epic proportions  He's been playing in a perpetual state of fear since he torn his ACL in the wild card game back in January 2013 and his throwing mechanics and accuracy seem to get worse every time he takes the field. In addition to his visible lack of confidence under center and penchant for ugly throws, he's so mentally fragile that he notoriously clashed with former head coach Mike Shanahan for making him watch tape of his bad throws. While I think that head coach Hue Jackson is an excellent football mind who is capable of creating the most stable locker room atmosphere he's had since he's been in the league, I think RG3's treasure trove of problems on-and-off-the-field are past the point of fixing.

Adding to the impending doom of RG3's tenure at quarterback is an unstable offensive line and untested receiver group. The status of the offensive line, which had been of the team's few strengths in recent years, went up in flames this offseason following the departure of center Alex Mack and right tackle Mitchell Schwartz in free agency. Mack and Schwartz were two of the only pillars of stability within this team over the past few years and their presence will be sorely missed as the Brown hit the reset button on their roster. Left tackle Joe Thomas-who should win the Walter Payton Man of The Year every single year for voluntarily spending the duration of his entire Hall-of-Fame career so far with the Browns-alone is enough to prevent the line from being a complete disaster, but there's reason to be seriously concerned about the rest of the unit. Cameron Erving was terrible as a fill-in starter at guard last season and the prospect of moving to center to replace Mack is fucking terrifying, right tackle Austin Pasztor got released by the Jacksonville Jaguars, who have one of the worst offensive lines in the NFL, prior to the start of last season and both of their guards (John Greco and Joel Bitonio) are coming off of below average seasons in 2015. RG3 is probably cowering in a corner and crying as we speak at the thought of playing with "Thomas and the 4 Jabronis" in front of him this season.

On paper, the receiver situation seems pretty alright. Rookie Corey Coleman has reportedly been highly impressive throughout offseason workouts and one-time star wideout Josh Gordon managed to put the bong down for long enough to get reinstated by the league after an 18-month suspension. However, I have almost no faith that RG3 will be able to get them the football. The main knock on Coleman is his limited route tree, which doesn't bode well for a quarterback that is wildly inaccurate past 5-10 yards and despite his familiarity with RG3 during their time together at Baylor, Gordon's extended absence from football raises a lot of questions about whether or not he can still play with the same polish and edge that he had before Rodger Goodell sent him into exile for smoking the jazz cigarettes. Behind Coleman and Gordon, the prospects are bleak. Taylor Gabriel is good for the occasional surprise 65-yard touchdown and nothing else, Terrelle Pryor is a converted quarterback that has made some splash plays in the preseason, but will likely flounder the minute the regular season starts and Andrew Hawkins somehow manged to survive the mass roster purge in the offseason. If RG3 can magically regain his swag back, this passing attack could be surprisingly effective. If he continues to be the sadsack RG3 of the past 3 seasons, the Browns aerial attack will likely be even worse than it was when Brian Hoyer and Austin Davis were under center. 

The potential of their rushing attack is the only reason to get excited about the Browns offense this season. Jackson is a strong proponent of the running game and he has a pair of promising backs in Isiah Crowell and Duke Johnson Jr that could flourish in his system. Crowell has been reasonably productive in his first 3 years in the league and Johnson Jr. showed flashes of brilliance in his rookie campaign a year ago and seems like he could be the top beneficiary of Jackson's arrival in the Forest City. Given their shakiness at quarterback, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the Browns had a top 10 rushing offense this season.
     

Defense:
The Browns overhaul was arguably more drastic on the defensive side of the ball than offense. The team wisely dumped a lot of their overpaid aging starters (safety Donte Whitner, inside linebacker Karlos Dansby, defensive end Randy Starks) and showed their dedication to injecting the defense with young talent by selecting outside linebacker Emmanuel Ogbah and defensive end Carl Nassib with 2 of their first 3 picks in this year's draft.


The ousting of the team's older starters gives excellent opportunities for their young players including defensive tackle Danny Shelton, outside linebacker Nate Orchard and safety Ibraheim Campbell to prove their worth. However, that opportunity is bound to come with a lot of growing pains for this young nucleus (6 of their 11 projected starters have been in the league for 4 seasons or less) that collectively has very limited starting experience. Even the few veteran presences they have scattered throughout this group are unlikely to do much. Newly-signed inside linebacker Demario Davis is a competent albeit unremarkable player, outside linebacker Paul Kruger has been a massive bust since he signed with the team ahead of the team in 2013 and 2-time Pro Bowl cornerback Joe Haden has fallen from grace with back-to-back terrible, injury-plagued seasons. Their odds of being successful this season are very slim, but it'll be interesting to see if defensive coordinator Ray Horton will be able to discover any building blocks for the future among this raw group.

Bottom Line:
The Browns are in the middle of a major rebuild on both sides of the ball, which means they're on track for another miserable season in 2016.
 

Pittsburgh Steelers

2015 Record: 10-6 (2nd in AFC North)

Head Coach: Mike Tomlin (9th season)

Notable Additions: TE Ladarius Green, DE Ricardo Matthews, T Ryan Harris

Notable Departures: T Kelvin Beachum, TE Heath Miller (retired), DT Steve McClendon

Offense:
The Steelers offense can't seem to catch a break heading into 2016. Martavis Bryant got suspended for the entire season back in March after failing his 3rd drug test, star running back Le'Veon Bell got suspended for 3 games for skipping multiple random drug tests and to top it all off, projected starting tight end Ladarius Green, who was signed in free agency to replace the recently-retired Heath Miller, is reportedly dealing with chronic, concussion-related headaches which may force him to retire at the age of 26.

Even with the wave of notable absences for at least a portion of 2016, the Steelers should still have one of the most potent offenses in the league this season. They have the depth at receiver (Markus Wheaton, Sammie Coates, Darrius Heyward-Bey) to make up for Bryant's absence and DeAngelo Williams appears to have enough left in the tank to weather the storm while Bell is forced to sit on his couch for the first 3 games of the season. More importantly, the Steelers still have one of the league's best quarterback/receiver tandem in Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown at their disposal, which allows them to be a threat regardless of who else is on the field with them. If the Steelers big 3 (Roethlisberger, Bell, Brown) can stay healthy and at least provide their normal contributions, this offense will continue to be a nightmare for opposing defenses to try and contain.     

Defense:
There are few things in the NFL that change less than the Steelers defense on a year-to-year basis. The usual suspects save for nose tackle Steve McClendon and cornerback Cortez Allen are all back for another season. The defensive front led by borderline elite defensive end Cameron Heyward and grizzled 10-year veteran inside inside linebacker Lawrence Timmons continues to set the tone for the whole defense. The efforts of their front led to a stout rush defense that finished 4th in the league and an excellent pass-rush that generated 48 sacks, which ranked 3rd behind the Patriots and the Super Bowl-champion Broncos, last season. If the young guns (inside linebacker Ryan Shazier, defensive end Stephon Tuitt,outside linebacker Bud Dupree) can build upon the promise they showed in 2015, the Steelers quest to return to their former defensive glory could be fast tracked.

The downside to the lack of change is that the Steelers secondary, which ranked 30th in the league last year, is still riddled with holes. Rookie Artie Burns is more than likely too raw to make a notable contribution right away and the projected starters save for last season's extremely pleasant surprise Ross Cockrell are all below average at best. At least they can relish in the fact that the frequently torched Antwon Blake decided to take his ghost coverage talents to the Titans this offseason.

Bottom Line:
With a relatively easy schedule and an almost unrivaled level of continuity, the Steelers could be primed for a deep playoff run if all of their key players can stay healthy and out of trouble.
.

Projected Standings:

1.Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)

2.Cincinnati Bengals (10-6)

3.Baltimore Ravens (9-7)

4.Cleveland Browns (4-12) 

Movie Review: War Dogs

Just in time for election season, Hollywood has given American audiences another reason to feel sick about their country with the fact-based crime drama/black comedy War Dogs. War Dogs takes a look at the sky-high profits that can be made when the United States government needs to be armed for a military conflict. The film would've absolutely benefited from going into more specific detail about the arrangements and it's not nearly as scathing of a condemnation of the system as it was clearly intended to be, but the nuggets of information that are present about the workings of the government's defense industry and how lightly people within the industry are punished for committing illegal activity to procure firearms, ammunition, etc. are astonishing and truly appalling.  

Politics aside, War Dogs is a competent film with flashes of greatness that never materializes into something truly special. It's evident that co-writer/director Todd Philips (The Hangover trilogy, Old School) and his writing partners Stephen Chin and Jason Smilovic wanted to this be the arms-industry answer to The Wolf of Wall Street or The Big Short, but it lacks the manic energy, satirical tone and gut-punch impact of those films. It also doesn't help that the plot is bizarrely grounded for the genre. The film hums along at the same semi-slow pace throughout and the tension/stakes never elevate, even when the consequences for the protagonist's illegal activities come into play in the second half of the film. War Dogs was definitely engaging enough to keep me relatively interested throughout the film and the last handful of scenes are absolutely brilliant, but there wasn't enough narrative fireworks or sting in its messages to be a great film overall.

While War Dogs has its faults with writing and pacing, the acting is universally excellent. Jonah Hill continues his dramatic acting hot streak with a phenomenal turn as Efraim Diveroli, the manipulative, morally bankrupt leader of the arms operation, while Miles Teller is appropriately even-keeled as David Packouz, Efraim's unassuming and overly loyal accomplice who reluctantly takes the job to support his newborn daughter and soon gets swept up with the opulence and adrenaline-driven lifestyle of an arms dealer. Hill and Teller are two of the best actors of their generation and War Dogs would've more than likely fallen apart without their efforts. The leads do excellent work, but it's Bradley Cooper's supporting turn as the arms magnet that supplies Diverloli and Packouz with the weapons they need to fill the massive $300 million Pentagon contract they landed to arm militias in Afghanistan that proves to be the film's finest piece of acting. In a mere 15 minutes on screen, Cooper manages to give a commanding and legitimately terrifying performance that injects War Dogs the type of imposing, sinister presence that it desperately needed more of. Not since John Goodman in 2014's The Gambler have I seen an actor run away with a movie in such a short period of time.

War Dogs is a well-acted and pretty entertaining film, it's just a bit disappointing that it never fully embraces the insanity and potential dark comedy gold that could've been harvested out of its premise. In the right hands, this could've been a classic piece of scathing satire instead of merely a respectable crime drama that's bound to get lost in the shuffle of similar films before too long. Phillips and co. put forth an admirable effort with War Dogs, it just never quits add up to the timely, intelligent and pointed film they wanted it to be.

3.5/5 Stars

2016 Potential Fantasy Football Sleepers

Editor's Note: This post was originally written on August 3rd, but due to the uncertainty surrounding  Pittsburgh Steelers tight end Ladarius Green's availability going into the season, I decided to edit and re-post the piece.  

Fantasy football pundits and players across the country have a zillion different strategies that they claim will guarantee you a championship. Personally, I think a lot of these strategies are horseshit and that luck can often trump knowledge in this chaotic game. That being said, one of the only things that I believe is truly essential in the quest for fantasy football glory is late-round value picks (aka sleepers). Any asshole can select a productive player in the first few rounds, the success of your draft is truly determined by the last five or six rounds when your forced to take chances on under-the-radar, risky veteran or young, untested players. Getting players that put up excellent numbers late in the draft isn't a gamble that usually pays off, but when it does, it often leads to a league championship. Here are the guys that I believe could end up being the top sleeper picks of 2016.

Quarterback: Derek Carr (Raiders)(Average Draft Position: Yahoo!: 103.5 ESPN: 109.2 NFL.com: 110.2)
Carr made tremendous strides in 2015 after a solid rookie season in 2014, putting together a 3,987 YD/31 TD/13 INT campaign that led the Raiders out of the league's basement and made them one of the most exciting up-and-coming teams in the NFL. With top receiver Amari Cooper entering his 2nd season and the addition of Kelechi Osemele in free agency to an offensive line that was already one of the best in the league a year ago, there's no reason to believe that Carr can't significantly up his game yet again this season. Carr's intangibles, solid arsenal of receiving weapons and comfort level with Bill Musgrave's system give him a legitimate chance to be a top-tier fantasy quarterback in 2016.   
Honorable Mentions: Jameis Winston (Buccaneers), Andy Dalton (Bengals), Tyrod Taylor (Bills)

Running Back: Duke Johnson Jr. (Browns) (Average Draft Position: Yahoo!: 107.8 ESPN: 82.7 NFL.com: 97.6)
After a top-to-bottom purge of their organization this offseason, the Browns are in the inevitably painful first season of a rebuilding process. With a roster full of mostly unproven young talent and cheap, stopgap veterans, the amount of potential fantasy impact players on the Browns roster is even lower than usual. One of the few intriguing pieces they possess is second-year running back Duke Johnson Jr. Johnson showed flashes of brilliance in a limited role last season and with a new head coach/offensive coordinator in Hue Jackson that covets the running game, there's good odds he'll have a more prominent role this season. With his distinction as a true two-way back in an offense that is largely devoid of talent, Johnson has a fantastic opportunity to emerge as this offense's go-to-guy and could prove to be a cheap, productive option at a position that has a severe lack of depth.
Honorable Mentions: T.J. Yeldon (Jaguars), Jay Ajayi (Dolphins), Paul Perkins (Giants)

Wide Receiver: Marvin Jones (Lions) (Average Draft Position: Yahoo!: 98.0 ESPN: 100.6 NFL.com: 124.8)
Golden Tate my be entrenched as the Lions top receiver now that Calvin Johnson is retired, but Marvin Jones was brought in free agency to be utilized as a field-stretching complement to Tate, who is mostly utilized in the short-passing game. Jones was rock-solid as the number 3 option in the Bengals passing game behind A.J. Green and Tyler Eifert, putting up 816 YDS and 4 TD's in 2015, and the inevitable increase in opportunities he's going to get in this pass-happy Lions offense could very well lead to a career year for the 26-year old receiver.  
Honorable Mentions: Sterling Shepard (Giants), Kevin White (Bears), Kamar Aiken (Ravens)

Tight End: Clive Walford (Raiders) (Average Draft Position: Yahoo!: 129.8, ESPN: 170.0) NFL.com: 149.7)
Walford is a very deep sleeper (currently going in-between 3 and 5% of league's on the 3 biggest fantasy sites), but I think he has as much as upside as anyone else on this list. He thrived in limited snaps last season (329 YDS and 3 TD on 28 receptions) and his standing as the projected starting tight end in one of the fastest rising young offenses in the league makes him a logical candidate to enjoy a breakout season in 2016. Walford is a potential very late round gem at the single thinnest position in fantasy football.
Honorable Mentions: Dwayne Allen (Colts), Eric Ebron (Lions), Charles Clay (Bills)

Defense: Oakland Raiders (Average Draft Position: Yahoo!: 123.2 ESPN: 138.5 NFL.com: 143.6)
The Raiders had the sack (38, tied for 14th in the league) and takeaway total (25, tied for 12th in the league) of a solid fantasy defense, but their high points allowed (24.9, 22nd in the league) total made them a merely average option in 2015. With the additions of outside linebacker Bruce Irvin, cornerback Sean Smith and safety Reggie Nelson in free agency and safety Karl Joseph in the draft to a defense that already featured All-Pro outside linebacker/defensive end Khalil Mack and highly underrated run-stuffing defensive tackle Dan Williams, the Raiders don't seem like they're going repeat that high points allowed total again. They more than likely won't put up Broncos or Seahawks-esque numbers in most weeks, but their sky-high ceiling and favorable late-season schedule makes them a great pick for owners that like to wait until the final few rounds of the draft to select a defense.
Honorable Mentions: Minnesota Vikings, Philadelphia Eagles, New York Jets

The Best and Worst of Mary Elizabeth Winstead

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "The Hollars" star Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

Films starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead that I've seen:
Death Proof
Live Free or Die Hard
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
The Thing
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Smashed 
A Good Day to Die Hard
The Spectacular Now
Kill the Messenger
10 Cloverfield Lane

Best Performance: Smashed (2012)
During her first seven or eight years in Hollywood, Winstead wasn't really on my radar. I had enjoyed some of the films she starred in (Live Free or Die Hard, Death Proof, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter), but she failed to leave any sort of positive or negative impression on me. That all changed when I saw the criminally underappreciated indie drama Smashed in the spring of 2013. Winstead's portrayal of an elementary school teacher who is battling severe alcoholism is heartbreaking, emphatic and alarmingly authentic. Her powerhouse performance here showcased a remarkable level of talent that had somehow been buried for years and she has since gone onto become one of the most reliably impressive actresses in Hollywood.


Worst Performance: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
This is yet another case of a poor performance primarily caused by the script and not the actor itself. Winstead plays Ramona Flowers, the mysterious yet enchanting Amazon.ca delivery girl that Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) can only date if he defeats her eight evil ex-lovers in combat, who serves as more of plot device than a fully fleshed-out character. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is full of flaws, but the poor development of its female lead and subsequent underwhelming performance from Winstead is near the top of the list.  

Best Film: The Spectacular Now (2013)
Audiences are treated to at least a half-dozen indie, coming-of-age films each year, but there aren't many that are as well-done as James Ponsoldt's The Spectacular Now. The Spectacular Now makes up for its well-worn premise (a popular high school senior boy falls in love with the misunderstood, quiet girl) with phenomenal acting from its primary cast (Miles Teller, Shailene Woodley, Winstead, Brie Larson, Kyle Chandler) and a level of heart and realism that you typically don't find in these films. Without question, one of my favorite films of the 2010's far.  

Worst Film: A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)
Unlike most long-running franchises, the Die Hard series maintained a remarkable level of consistency over multiple decades. 1988's Die Hard, 1990's Die Hard 2: Die Harder, 1995's Die Hard with a Vengeance and 2007's Live Free or Die Hard are all damn near-perfect action films that are funny, clever and highly entertaining. Then A Good Day to Die Hard came along and brought the franchise's hot streak to a screeching halt with a film that didn't come anywhere close to capturing the spirit and fun of the earlier films. The action scenes were completely forgettable, Jai Courtney was flat-out abysmal as John McClane's son and worst of all, Bruce Willis displayed almost none of John McClane's trademark charisma and snark. Shout-out to Skip Woods, John Moore and whatever dingus at 20th Century Fox that greenlit this film for tarnishing the legacy of Hollywood's greatest action franchise with a half-assed and completely unnecessary sequel that went against everything that made the Die Hard films great.  

Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of  "Morgan" star Brian Cox. 

Concert Review: blink-182-- Mansfield, MA-- August 19th, 2016

Lineup: blink-182/A Day to Remember/All Time Low
Venue: Xfinity Center, Mansfield, MA
Date: August 19th, 2016

All Time Low: I got to my seats when they were already a few songs into their set. I have a pretty low (no pun intended) opinion of the limited material I've heard by them, but they were not nearly as annoying or whiny live as I remember them being on disc. At the very least, All Time Low prevented me from having to see The All American Rejects (they were the opener for the first half of this tour) and for that, I'll be forever thankful.  
 
A Day to Remember: Just like the last time I saw blink-182 back in 2011, my primary reason for attending this show was the direct support band. A Day to Remember has been near the top of my "bands I need to see live" list for several years and given their tendency to tour with bands that I absolutely despise (Pierce the Veil, Of Mice & Men, Motionless in White, many others), I jumped at the chance to see them on a bill with a solid lineup.

Thankfully, A Day to Remember tdidn't fall short of my sky-high expectations. Their setlist did a good job of blending heavier material to please their own fanbase with a number of accessible cuts to avoid alienating the audience members that were there exclusively for blink and vocalist Jeremy McKinnon was a rowdy frontman who seemed to be right at home on a huge stage. There was some slight issues with McKinnon's vocals at times (primarily on some of the higher notes of "Right Back at It Again" and the screams during the verses of "I'm Made of Wax Larry, What Are You Made Of?) and I could have done without the abundance of material from their mediocre 2010 album What Separates Me From You, but it was still a very satisfying performance from the pop punk/metalcore juggernauts. 

blink-182: August 9th, 2011 is a day that I have reminisced on ad nauseam over the past five years. That date is significant because it marked the first time I saw blink-182 and I can say without hesitation that it is the single worst day of life so far that didn't involve the death of a loved one. The events that occurred before, during and after the show made for an unprecedented shitshow that I will continue to bitch about until my petty, loud-mouthed ass has left this hellhole otherwise known as Earth.

Here are the riveting cliffnotes on why that show was a scarring, miserable experience:
-My friend's super considerate girlfriend forced my other 5 friends and I to delay our departure time by 4 hours. By the time we actually left around 6:00, the traffic was so bad that we came within minutes of missing the start of My Chemical Romance's-the main band a few of us came to see-set.
-The crowd was full of super drunk, douchey bros more fixated on fighting one another than watching the show.
-It rained at a monsoon-like level for the entirety of blink's set. 
 -blink-182 pissed all over my inner teenager's dreams with a very lackluster performance. James Harden puts in more effort on the defensive side of the floor on a nightly basis than blink did into their performance on that fateful evening.
-After spending a solid hour and a half being stuck in traffic (for people who have never been to this venue, this is a staple of the wonderful Xfinity Center. I'm firmly convinced that their parking lot was designed by Tyrone Biggums and several of his closest, pipe-hitting friends), my friend's demonic girlfriend refused to order Wendy's for the people in the car that I was in WHILE THEY WERE 1 CAR AWAY FROM ORDERING IN A 30+ CAR DEEP LINE. The soul-crushing feeling of being denied a Crispy Chicken Sandwich when you're hungry as fuck at 1:00 am because of the selfishness of another person is something that I hope you fine people never have to experience.

Just over five years later, I returned to the Xfinity Center to give the iconic pop punk trio that gave me many a fond memory as an awkward, angst-filled teenager growing up in suburban Massachusetts a shot at redemption. The concert gods must've taken note of my suffering because this show was the complete opposite of the previous time I saw blink-182.

I had been theorizing for months that Tom Delonge-who left the band early last year-was the catalyst for blink-182's disappointing live show back in 2011 and that hypothesis turned out to be spot-on. The band I saw five years ago that looked like they were being forced to perform together at gunpoint was replaced by one that had excellent chemistry and appeared to be having a blast on stage. The staggering improvement in quality of their live performance served a powerful reminder of the effect a member change can have on the well-being and musical tightness of a band.

It also helps that bassist/vocalist and drummer Travis Barker decided to bring in a proven, veteran vocalist in Alkaline Trio frontman/guitarist Matt Skiba to replace Delonge. Skiba seemed like a puzzling choice on paper due to how drastically different Alkaline Trio's music is from blink's and how much lower his vocals are than Delonge's, but as he proved on their new record California, he's a surprisingly great fit with the band and has allowed them to return to the more uptempo, punk style they utilized on their first four album. After watching him crush the band's Delonge-era material, I'm even more aboard with Skiba's presence in blink-182. He did an excellent job of making the older material his own without taking away from the spirit and tone of the studio versions, which is no easy task when you're replacing the group's founding co-lead vocalist.

The setlist was pretty much exactly the hit-driven collection of songs you'd expect from a veteran band doing their first proper headlining tour in four years, but it was still an extremely satisfying and entertaining 75-minute set that absolutely flew by. The material from California was fun as all hell live and it was pure nostalgic bliss seeing songs like "Dumpweed", "First Date" and "What's My Age Again?" properly played for the first time. With Delonge out of the picture, the newest incarnation of blink-182 have successfully returned to the goofy, fun pop punk force they were in their heyday and gave me a set of new, much rosier memories to associate their live show with.

Scores:
All Time Low 4/10
A Day to Remember 8/10
blink-182 8.5/10

Setlists:
A Day to Remember:
The Downfall of Us All
I'm Made of Wax Larry, What Are You Made Of?
It's Complicated
2nd Sucks
Right Back at It Again
Have Faith in Me 
All Signs Point to Lauderdale
Paranoia
All I Want
If It Means a Lot to You
The Plot to Bomb the Panhandle

blink-182:
Feeling This
What's My Age Again?
Family Reunion
The Rock Show
Cynical
First Date
Down 
I Miss You
Bored to Death
Built This Pool
Dumpweed
Reckless Abandon
Stay Together for the Kids
San Diego
Not Now
Violence
Kings of the Weekend
Dysentery Gary
Happy Holidays, You Bastard
Los Angeles

Encore:
Carousel
All the Small Things
Brohemian Rhapsody
Dammit 

The Best and Worst of Jonah Hill

The "Best and Worst" series profiles the best and worst work of an actor starring in one of the week's new theatrical releases. This week I take a look at the filmography of "War Dogs" star Jonah Hill.

Films starring Jonah Hill that I've seen:
Grandma's Boy 
Accepted
Knocked Up
Evan Almighty
Superbad
Strange Wilderness
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Funny People
Get Him to the Greek
Cyrus
Moneyball
The Sitter
21 Jump Street
The Watch
This is the End
The Wolf of Wall Street
The Lego Movie
22 Jump Street
True Story 
Sausage Party

Best Performance: This is the End (2013)
While Hill's dramatic acting turns in Moneyball, The Wolf of Wall Street and True Story have been excellent, comedy is still his strongest suit. Hill's resume is full of impressive turns in some of the funniest movies (Superbad, Get Him to the Greek, 21/22 Jump Street) of the past decade, but his finest moment came in his scathing, over-the-top portrayal of himself in Seth Rogen's apocalypse comedy This is the End. Hill absolutely crushes it as the jaded, fake nice guy whose ego has gone through the roof since landing an Oscar-nomination for Moneyball. In a film full of top-flight comedic talent and non-stop laughs, Hill rose to the occasion to deliver one of the best performances in the entire ensemble cast.

Worst Performance: Cyrus (2010)
I actually hate myself for the criticism I'm about to give about Hill's performance in Cyrus. Hill did exactly what he was called upon to do in the role of a 21-year old man who intentionally sabotages the relationship between his mother (Marissa Tomei) and her new boyfriend (John C. Riley), it just made for a really obnoxious performance. The character is supposed to be immature and grating as all hell, but it got to the point where I would get super pissed every time he showed up on screen. Fuck this character and this movie for making me dislike Hill's acting for no rational reason.

Best Film: Superbad (2007)
I don't keep track of what films have appeared most on this list, but I'm fairly confident that this is at the top of the list. The love I have for this film is only topped by about a dozen or so movies I've ever seen. It's one of those rare films that never gets old and despite the over-the-top situations the main characters get themselves into, it's one of the most honest and hilarious portrayals of high school I've ever seen in a film. Superbad is the greatest teen/coming-of-age/party comedy ever made and it's not even close.

Worst Film: Evan Almighty (2007)
The genius premise (a recently-fired television news reporter is given the chance to be God for a week after complaining that the Almighty wasn't doing his job well) and a number of seriously hilarious moments made Bruce Almighty one of Jim Carrey's last great movies. The sequel Evan Almighty features a similar religious-based plot (a civilian is called upon by God to build a giant ark to save the people in his city from a giant flood) without the clever writing and  heart that made its predecessor successful. The visible boredom of the primary cast led by Steve Carrell, Morgan Freeman and John Goodman and the sanitized jokes to try and appeal to family audiences ruined any chance Evan Almighty had of being a worthy sequel.

Thank you for reading this week's installment of "The Best and Worst of". Next week, I'll take a look at the best and worst work of "The Hollars" star Mary Elizabeth Winstead  

Album Review: Rae Sremmurd-SremmLife 2

Brothers Khalif "Swae Lee" and Aaquil "Slim Jxmmi" Brown (aka Rae Sremmurd) made one hell of an entrance into the hip-hop arena. Tupelo, Mississippi's resident turn up gods made immediate waves with their debut LP SremmLife in January 2015-which spawned smash hit singles "No Flex Zone" and "No Type"- and have used the buzz they gained from that record to secure collaborations with a number of high-profile artists over the past year and a half including the likes of Beyonce, Travi$ Scott and Future. Rae Sremmurd's seemingly unstoppable momentum continues with their new record SremmLife 2, which marks a logical, natural progression from its predecessor.

If SremmLife marked Rae Sremmurd's arrival to the party, SremmLife 2 documents the point where the booze and drugs have fully kicked in and the fun has really started. In other words, SremmLife was merely an appetizer for the level of debauchery and champagne-soaked fun SremmLife 2 offers up. Swae Lee and Slim Jxmmi establish the album's rollicking tone right away with the five-alarm banger of an opening track "Start a Party". The pair deliver spastic verses filled with ridiculous  one-liners (ex: "If you don't smoke loud, be quiet!" and "Getting money my favorite sport/Carrera my favorite Porsche) and a flawless "hype" hook behind a beat that is nothing short of incendiary. "Start a Party" kick a stacked seven-strong stretch of the album anchored. The similarly boisterous "Shake It Fast" and "Set the Roof" sees Rae Sremmurd's winning rapport and off-the-charts charisma perfectly complemented by guest spots from party hip-hop legends Juicy J and Lil Jon respectively while "Look Alive" and Kodak Black-assisted "Real Chill" are low-key, grimy tracks that feature some of the best rapping the duo has ever done. The audible amount of Swae and Slim fun are having on the mic on this stretch of the record is contagious as hell and it creates such an entertaining listening atmosphere that I couldn't help but get swept up in it.

Helping Rae Sremmurd cement SremmLife2's livelier. wider-spanning sound is their mentor/label manager/primary producer Mike Will Made It. Mike Will's fingerprints are all over this album as he either produced or co-produced nine of the album's 11 tracks. Per usual, Mike Will's primary mission is to keep the listener on their toes with his work by utilizing a wide variety of beats over the course of the album. He uses everything from oft-kilter piano lines ("By Chance) to rock-tinged keys ("Black Beatles") to suffocating walls of synths, record-scratching  and thumping 808's (the aforementioned "Set the Roof", which was a collaboration with DJ Mustard) to amplify and diversify Rae Sremmurd's live-wire sound. Swae and Slim may bring the energy and swagger to the table, but its the tremendous work of Mike Will that makes Rae Sremmurd's hip hop's most unrelenting party powerhouse.  

Late missteps aside ("Now That I Know" and especially "Do Yoga" are completely insufferable), SremmLife 2 is every bit of the satisfying sequel I'd hoped it would be. The songwriting is noticeably improved and the chemistry between/colorful personalities of Swae and Slim that made their last record enjoyable is ever better here. I love substantial, thought-provoking hip-hop as much as anyone, but sometimes it's good to just let loose and listen to music that's catchy, engaging and full of good vibes. SremmLife 2 is the perfect high-energy, banger-filled soundtrack to end this (mostly) fun-deprived fun summer on.

3.5/5 Stars
Standout Tracks
1.Set the Roof (feat. Lil Jon)
2.Start a Party
3.Look Alive

Movie Review: Sausage Party

A quick Google or Twitter search will direct you to hundreds of thinkpieces and damning tweets from critics and avid film watchers complaining about Hollywood's lack of original ideas in the modern era. While I think the whole "the lack of original ideas" argument is pretty much a "get off my lawn" reaction from old, bitter people who can't handle the changes that popular film culture has undergone in the past 20 years or so, there's definitely a fair amount of truth to it. Of the 42 films that have received or are about to receive a wide release this summer (anything released between the first weekend in May and last weekend in August), only 14 of them weren't adapted from previously published material. Hollywood has put out plenty of good sequels, remakes and novel-adaptations over the years, but to see a relatively small amount of original projects hit theaters during the prime part of their yearly schedule is pretty disheartening. Enter Sausage Party: a morbid, insane and juvenile R-rated animated comedy that is truly one of a kind.

Seth Rogen, writing partner Evan Goldberg and their stable of constant collaborators led by Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, James Franco and a host of other hilarious actors have become notorious for making some of the most over-the-top vulgar comedies of all-time. With Sausage Party, they manage to effortlessly blow past the raciness of every other project they've spearheaded over the years. Rogen, Goldberg and fellow co-writers Kyle Hunter and Ariel Shaffir were well aware that the world of animation gave them the freedom to ramp up the vulgarity and made a point to pack the film with content they could never dream of getting away with in a live-action film. The last 20 minutes in particular push the boundaries of the R-rating so far that I can't believe they managed to release this film as is without NC-17 rating attached to it. I can't give too much away with spoiling it, but let's just say that the events depicted in the climax of the film are so twisted and obscene that it makes the most fucked up moments of This is the End look like an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba! by comparison. I've always admired Rogen's willingness to test the limits of what's acceptable in American comedies and with Sausage Party, he kicks his love of raunchy humor up to an unprecedented level.    

Underneath all of the shock humor and dirty food puns, Sausage Party is a surprisingly sharp and religious allegory. While there are subplots full of less substantial material and frequent lowbrow humor to prevent the film from becoming preachy, the film essentially serves as an argument for the non-existence of God. All of the food products are promised salvation (or as its called in the film "The Great Beyond") if they follow a certain set of rules, only to eventually find out that the "Gods" (humans) really just want to eat or drink them. The film's overlying message isn't one that I necessarily agree with, but it's too cleverly-constructed and intelligent to not appreciate. Rogen and co. don't get enough credit for the subtle depth they put into almost all of their movies and this is without question the deepest and most thought-provoking film they've made to-date.

Sausage Party is a ballsy, insane and sneakily smart film that will more likely either cause you to laugh until you can't breathe or be so god damn repulsed that you'll beg the theater manager for a refund the minute the credits start rolling. It isn't quite as consistently laugh-out-loud funny as The Night Before or the aforementioned This is the End, but it's still an excellent comedy that further cements Rogen's standing as the finest comedic actor of his generation.

4/5 Stars

2016 NFL Preview: AFC East

Buffalo Bills

2016 Record: 8-8 (3rd in AFC East)

Head Coach: Rex Ryan (2nd season)

Notable Additions: ILB Zach Brown, RB Reggie Bush, S Robert Blanton

Notable Departures: DE Mario Williams, WR Percy Harvin (retired), OLB Nigel Bradham

Offense:
In a bizarre plot twist, the Bills offense ended up being the team's strength in widely-renowned  defensive guru's Rex Ryan's 1st season with the team. The Bills finished 2015 ranked 12th in points per game, 13th in total offense and 1st in rushing offense, despite having their 3 best players (quarterback Tyrod Taylor, running back LeSean McCoy and wide receiver Sammy Watkins) all miss multiple games with injury.

 Whether or not the Bills offense can continue to grow in 2016 lies squarely on the shoulders of Taylor. The 27-year old quarterback, who spent his first 4 seasons in the NFL with the Baltimore Ravens as a backup for Joe Flacco, surprised a lot of people in the pro football community with his efficiency (5 INT, 63.7 CMP%), poise under pressure and deadly accurate deep ball in his 1st year as a starter. The team clearly has confidence in Taylor as evidenced by the contract extension they gave last Friday and based on what he showed last season, I firmly believe he has all of the physical and mental tools to be a legitimate franchise quarterback in the NFL. If Taylor can clean up his issues with holding onto the ball for too long and express more confidence in his abilities to use his top-notch speed to escape the pocket when a play breaks down , he should be able to take his game to the next level in 2016.

Any chance Taylor has of progressing this season could potentially end up being derailed by the murkiness surrounding the durability and possible production levels of the offense's other top contributors. McCoy didn't have the impact the organization wanted or expected him to have after acquiring him in a trade with the Eagles before the start of free agency last season. The 4-time Pro Bowl running back sustained numerous minor-to-mild injuries last season (strained hamstring, sprained MCL) and his constantly dinged-up status led to a relatively underwhelming season (1,187 scrimmage yards, 5 TD). Given his age (28) and history of lingering, soft-tissue injuries, it's completely reasonable to think McCoy's play will further decline in 2016. Luckily for the Bills, they have a good enough offensive line and the depth at the position (Karlos Williams, Reggie Bush, Mike Gillislee) to still have a productive running game if McCoy goes down or straight-up flounders this season.

The wide receiver situation is much more concerning. Watkins has looked like every bit of the top wideout he was pegged to be when he came out of Clemson in his NFL career thus far, but he's been constantly banged-up throughout his first 2 years in the league and is just 4 months removed from surgery to repair a broken foot he suffered in the offseason.

If Watkins goes down, the Bills don't appear to have anyone that will be able to make up for his absence. Robert Woods isn't dynamic or reliable enough to be anything more than a 3rd-receving option, rookie Kolby Listenable is a complete mystery at this point in time and the rest of the guys they have (Greg Salas, Greg Little, Leonard Hankerson) are among the biggest laughing stocks in the league at the position. The Bills better pray for Watkins's health because simply can't afford to lose for a sustained period of time this season.

Defense:
After three years of being considered one of the league's premier units, the Bills defense massively regressed in 2015. Outside of a select few players (defensive tackle Marcell Dareus, defensive Jerry Hughes, cornerbacks Stephon Gilmore and Ronald Darby), the core of the Bills defense was mediocre and had a hard time adjusting to Ryan's scheme. As a result of their generally poor play, they plummeted down the defensive ranking list after their highly impressive 2014 campaign, going from 1st to finished 31st in the league in sacks, 3rd to 19th in pass defense and 11th to 16th in rush defense.

While the suddenly limp pass-rush and downgrade in secondary talent outside of their starting outside corners didn't help matters, their horrific linebacker play was the driving force behind their failure as a unit last season. Ryan's defense requires strong, two-way linebacker play to thrive and with the porous play of Preston Brown and the now-retired A.J, Tarpley, they just didn't have that in any capacity last season. If the Bills defense wants to return to the upper echelon of the league in 2016, they're going to have to fix those problems as soon as humanly possible.

Those bounceback efforts took a huge blow when 2nd-round pick and projected starting inside linebacker Reggie Ragland tore his ACL in a training camp on August 5th. With the very promising Ragland out of the picture, free-agent pickup Zach Brown and incumbent starter Preston Brown are now going to be left with the major responsibility of being the 2 guys that aid or derail this unit's comeback attempt. Zach Brown is a decent albeit completely unspectacular player who picked up a fair amount of starting experience (29 starts in 4 seasons) during his tenure with the Titans while Preston Brown is going to have work extremely hard to get back to the level of play he displayed during his rookie season after his disastrous 2015 campaign. It's far from an ideal combo to stick at such a pivotal position in the middle of a defense that's trying to return to form after a rough season, but Brown Squared (trademark pending) are capable of being a solid inside linebacking duo.


The one area where the Bills defense seems poised to improve is in their secondary. Gilmore is entering a contract year and is pretty much bound to play his ass off so he can get a Josh Norman/Richard Sherman-level deal while Darby is in a position to build off his excellent rookie season and prove that he can take over as the team's top corner if Gilmore leaves in free agency after this season. The safety position is a little bit shakier, but the return of solid veteran safety Aaron Williams after missing all but 2 games in 2015 with a neck injury and a year of starting experience for converted slot corner Corey Graham should sure things up after an up-and-down year for the position a year ago.

Bottom Line:
If their defense can return to form, offense can continue to make strides and Ryan can keep the team disciplined, the Bills should be able to improve on their 8-8 2015 campaign.

Miami Dolphins

2016 Record: 6-10 (4th in AFC East)

Head Coach: Adam Gase (1st season)

Notable Additions: DE Mario Williams, RB Arian Foster, CB Byron Maxwell

Notable Departures: DE Olivier Vernon, RB Lamar Miller, CB Brent Grimes

Offense:
After enjoying next-to-no success under the last offensive "guru" they hired (Joe Philbin) as a head coach, the Dolphins decided to bring in another one in former Broncos and Bears offensive coordinator Adam Gase. Gase was the architect of the record-breaking 2013 Broncos offense and his track record of getting the most out of his quarterbacks is proven and very impressive. Gase clearly still has to prove if he has the management skills or proper temperament to be a successful head coach, but he's one of the sharpest offensive minds in the league right now and is easily the most promising head coaching hire the Dolphins have made since at least Dave Wansteadt.   

With the exception of having a projected starting unning back in Arian Foster that may or may not be dead and an offensive line that is arguably the worst in the league, Gase has inherited a pretty talented albeit somewhat inconsistent group that could blossom into one of the league's best offenses with the right coaching. Jarvis Landry is one of the best young wideouts in the league and his proficiency in the short passing game make him a perfect fit in Gase's scheme, 2nd-year wide receiver DeVante Parker came on strong late last year after being hampered with a foot injury for the first half of the season and despite breaking his pattern of year-to-year improvement with a mediocre 2015 season, Ryan Tannehill is a talented young quarterback with major upside that can light up an opposing defense any given week. It's going to very interesting to see if Gase can stabilize this unit and establish a level of consistency that alluded Philbin and his staff for the past 4 seasons.

Defense:
I don't know if it's because the football gods frown upon the people of Miami or they just hate how the undefeated 1972 team conducted themselves after they made history, but The Dolphins front office seems to have some kind of unprecedented hex on it. The team's last 3 general managers (Randy Muller, Jeff Ireland, Dennis Hickey) have been responsible for some of the worst big money free agent signings (safety Gibril Wilson, wide receiver Mike Wallace, inside linebacker Dannell Ellerbe) and horrible draft choices (Ted Ginn Jr., Dion Jordan, Pat White) of the past decade. The roster moves made by their recent general managers have been backbreaking and are the main reason the team hasn't been to the playoffs since they took out the Tom Brady-less Patriots for the AFC East crown in 2008.

History repeated itself as the Dolphins tapped their longtime college scouting director Chris Grier to replace Hickey as their general manager. Promoting a man who has played an integral part in the continued failure of your franchise pretty much confirms that Stephen Ross is one of the dumbest owners in the league.

Grier didn't waste anytime royally fucking things up by making a series of head-scratching decisions that basically destroyed the Dolphins defense. He kicked things off before free agency even officially started by acquiring the huge contract of cornerback Byron Maxwell, who spent last season being prominently featured in the highlight tapes of all of the WR's who burned his ass and oft-injured inside linebacker Kiko Alonso from the Eagles. To make the deal even sweeter, the 1st-draft picks they exchanged (the Dolphins received the 13th overall pick and the Eagles received the 8th pick, which they eventually used as part of the deal with the Browns to move up and select quarterback Carson Wentz 2nd overall) in the deal ended up being used to select tackle and gas-mask enthusiast Laremy Tunsil. I'm not a gambling man, but I'd be willing to wager that the history books will show that Eagles general manager Howie Roseman committed one of the greatest salary-dump trades of all-time.

The fun continued when Grier suddenly took the transition tag off of 26-year old defensive end Olivier Vernon to sign 32-year old Mario Williams, who is coming off of the worst season of his career with the Bills and puts another toxic presence into one of the most unstable locker rooms in the league.

To recap, the Dolphins cut ties with the aging, but still productive Brent Grimes so they could get a guy who spent all of 2015 getting crushed by number one wideouts in Philly to be their new top corner and replaced the heir to Cameron Wake's pass-rushing throne for a hothead that's 2 or 3 years away from retiring. Most competent fantasy football players could concoct a better rebuilding plan than Grier did this offseason. I honestly feel bad for guys like Reshad Jones and Ndamukong Suh- who are among the best players in the league at their respective positions- because despite their best efforts, the front office's inability to bring in enough quality talent to fill out a defense basically renders their contributions useless.


Bottom Line: 
Poor personnel decisions and massive gaps at several key positions on both sides of the ball  have put the Dolphins in the same clusterfuck they find themselves in every year. 

New England Patriots

2016 Record: 11-5 (1st in AFC East)

Head Coach: Bill Belichick (17th season)

Notable Additions: TE Martellus Bennett, DT Terrence Knighton, DE Chris Long

Notable Departures: DE Chandler Jones, WR Brandon LaFell, DT Dominique Easley

Offense:
The nearly 2-year power struggle between the NFL and Tom Brady over the Deflatgate "scandal" has finally (?) come to a close as Brady has agreed to stop his appeal process and accept the 4-game suspension that was handed down by the league in May 2015. With Brady's suspension now official, all eyes turn to 3rd-year quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo to start the season. Garoppolo hasn't been particularly impressive is in his limited amount of regular season snaps, but he has the advantage of facing a soft 4-game schedule with 3 home games against teams (The Miami Dolphins, Houston Texans and Buffalo Bills) that are far less talented than the Patriots and having a veteran team that should be even hungrier than usual to win out of the gate. I'd be legitimately shocked if they were any worse than 2-2 when Brady returns to the fold for their Week 5 contest against the Cleveland Browns.


Aside from Brady's suspension and the addition of a potential weapon in former Bears tight end Martellus Bennett to the fold, it'll be pretty much be business as usual for the Patriots offense this season. It's honestly boring to talk about the Patriots offense because it's pretty much a given that they're going to put up a shitload of points and display the same strengths (short passing, redzone efficiency, Rob Gronkowski ruining the lives of defenses on a weekly basis) and weaknesses (running the ball, wide receiver depth, Julian Edelman's douchey social media presence) that they do every single year. Having a predictable, one-dimensional offense doesn't usually pay in the NFL, but the Patriots have been able cement their legacy as the dominant franchise of the 2000's and 2010's because of it and barring an unforeseen meltdown, it should continue to work for them in 2016.

The only serious cause for concern this group has is their offensive line. Anyone that watched this team last season knows that their offensive line was one of the worst in the league and got absolutely destroyed by any defense with a decent amount of firepower upfront (I'm still blown away by just how badly the Broncos manhandled them in the AFC Championship Game). The return of longtime offensive line coach Dante Scarnecchia after a 2-year retirement is being viewed as a cure for all of their woes upfront by the fans and local media, but as great of a coach he is, fixing this trainwreck of an offensive line ahead of this season is the tallest order he's ever faced in his 4+ decade coaching career.

Tackles Nate Solder and Sebastian Vollmer have rapidly regressed over the past few seasons and the interior line is a logjam full of raw, young players that have struggled to adjust to the NFL that only managed to get more even more crowded in the offseason with the additions of 2013 1st round pick/monumental draft bust Jonathan Cooper and rookie Joe Thuney to the fold. There's not a starter locked down at any of the inside 3 positions at this point in time, but whatever combo of Cooper, Thuney, Shaq Mason, Tre' Jackson, Josh Kline, Bryan Stork and David Andrews they end up with going is unlikely establish the level of continuity and competence the team and fansbase is striving for. If this offensive line can't improve from their horrendous showing last season, the Patriots heavily-hyped Deflategate "revenge tour"/"Drive for 5" will fall short for a 2nd straight season.  

Defense:
The Patriots front seven suffered a huge and unexpected loss when Belichick decided to trade Chandler Jones to the Cardinals this offseason. Jones's departure was pretty much inevitable after his widely publicized synthetic marijuana incident during last year's playoffs, but losing a player of his caliber a year before he was set to hit free agency is hard to swallow.

With Jones gone, there's no one on this roster outside of the highly underrated Jabbal Sheard who is a serious threat to get to the quarterback on a regular basis off the edge. Age has drained Rob Ninkovich of the burst he once possessed, Free-agent pickup Chris Long's production has nosedived in the past few seasons due to injuries and age, and 2nd-year player Trey Flowers-who looked excellent in the team's preseason opener last Thursday against the Saints-has never played a snap in the regular season. The Patriots certainly have a big enough rotation to keep defenses on their toes, but I don't think they'll come anywhere near the impressive 49 sack (2rd highest in the league) mark they put up in 2015 without Jones in the fold.

The speculation of who's going to step up and attempt to fill the huge void left by Jones in the pass-rushing department has garnered most of the defensive headlines for the Patriots, but I don't believe that this is the area they should be most worried about. For the second consecutive season, the biggest question marks on the Patriots defense lie within the secondary, particularly with the play of starting corners Malcolm Butler and Logan Ryan. Butler and Ryan both greatly exceeded expectations with their impressive play in 2015, but they have yet to prove they can handle being long-term starters in this league. Corners in the Belichick-era have a terrible track record of performing well in back-to-back seasons and despite their level of productivity on the whole, there were times last seasons where they both got absolutely ruined. This is a make-or-break season for both of the Patriots starting corners and their success or failure could go a long way in dictating the quality of this defense in 2016.

The glue that should ultimately hold this talented yet unsettled defense together is their frightening linebacker combo of Jamie Collins and Dont'a Hightower. As great as safety Devin McCourty has been throughout his 6 years with the team, Collins and Hightower are the most impactful and dynamic players the Patriots have on the defensive side of the ball. Their freakish athleticism and two-way abilities sets the tone for the entire defense and without them, the entire unit becomes pretty pedestrian (as evidenced by the problems that arose when they were both sidelined with injury late last season). Collins and Hightower are both fully healthy again for the first time since late October last yaear and heading into the final year of their rookie contracts, so I wouldn't be surprised if both of them put up their best numbers to-date. 

Bottom Line:
Barring a sudden regression from Brady or a major injury to Gronkowski, the Patriots should cruise to another AFC East title and once again be in the thick of the AFC title hunt.

New York Jets

2016 Record: 10-6 (2nd in AFC East)

Head Coach: Todd Bowles (2nd season)

Notable Additions: RB Matt Forte, T Ryan Clady, DE Jarvis Jenkins

Notable Departures: DT Damon Harrison, RB Chris Ivory, T D'Brickashaw Ferguson (retired)

Offense:
After nearly 5 months of living in fear of the prospect of having Geno Smith under center for the 2016 season, Jets Nation took a collective sigh of relief when Ryan Fitzpatrick re-signed with the team on July 27th. I'm surprised crazed Jets fans didn't try to kiss him or stroke his beard when he first took the field at training camp.


This is a sentence that I never thought I would write after watching get ousted from the Titans and Texans in consecutive seasons, but the Jets NEEDED Fitzpatrick to come back if they wanted any chance of being successful in 2016. With an aging corps driven by wide receiver Brandon Marshall (turned 32 in March) and newly-acquired running back Matt Forte (turns 31 in December), the Jets are in win-now mode and Fitzpatrick was the only quarterback available on the open market or in the draft this offseason that was capable of bringing them to the playoffs in 2016. I think it's a longshot that he matches or tops the numbers he put up during his career-best 2015 campaign, but the plethora of weapons he has surrounding him paired with excellent understanding of offensive coordinator Chan Gailey's system gives him a great shot of having another productive season this year.

The Jets were mostly able to keep the band back together for another run at a playoff, but the retirement of D'Brickashaw Ferguson could prove to be a significant blow to this entire unit. While there's no denying that Ferguson's play had slipped a bit over the past few seasons, he was the type reliable and durable (he didn't miss a single game in his 10-year career) presence at left tackle that every team strives to have on their roster. Ironically, the Jets traded for ex-Broncos tackle Ryan Clady, who has missed 2 of the last 3 seasons with a Lisfranc injury and a torn ACL, to replace him as Fitzpatrick's blind-side protector. Clady is one of the best left tackles to enter the league in the past decade, but his recent injuries have broken him down to the point where he's a shell of his former self and it's far from a guarantee that he won't go down with yet another serious injury this season. The lack of a stable presence at left tackle could send a ripple effect through the entire offensive line and send a unit that was already below-average tailspinning into a spot alongside their divisionmates in Miami and New England at the bottom of the NFL offensive line hierarchy.    

Defense:
The Jets were put in the rough spot of being a cash-strapped team with 2 key pieces of their top-notch defensive front (defensive end Muhammad Wilkerson and defensive tackle Damon "Snacks" Harrison) hitting free agency in the same year. The Jets chose to pay Wilkerson over Harrison -who ironically signed with the Giants-giving him a hefty 5 year/$86 million with $53.5 mil in guaranteed money. Losing a dominant run-stuffer like Harrison certainly hurts, but ex-Steelers nose tackle Steve McClendon and 2nd-year standout Leonard Williams should be able to fill the void the departure of Snacks left in the middle of the line and finding someone with his skill set is not as difficult as finding a player with Wilkerson's versatility and strength on the edge of the defense. The combination of Wilkerson, Williams, McClendon and Sheldon Richardson should be more than enough to allow the Jets front to continue to perform at a high level in 2016.

Where the defensive front appears to be set to repeat the success they had in 2015, the Jets secondary could be line for a huge drop-off. This unit was easily the weak spot of the Jets impressive defense, finishing a respectable albeit not spectacular 13th in the league. If the all of the potential issues within their unit materialize, they'll be lucky to finish in the middle of the league again. Darrelle Revis started to show signs of his decline at the very end of last season and the wrist surgery he got in the offseason only reaffirms the notion the end may be near for the future Hall-of-Fame cornerback while the release of the admittedly over-the hill Antonio Cromartie forces the wildly inconsistent Buster Skrine into a starting, outside corner spot and grand-scale 2013 draft bust Dee Milliner into the slot corner spot (barring he doesn't suffer a injury) previously occupied by Skrine. On paper, this corner group seems like a fucking nightmare scenario for a team that's trying to get back to the playoffs.

Their safety situation isn't nearly as bleak with Marcus Gilchrist coming off of a breakout, borederline Pro Bowl season and Calvin Pryor making huge strides in his sophomore season after being switched back to his natural position of strong safety following a disastrous experiment at free safety in his rookie year, but regardless of how well they play in 2016, I don't see a situation where they could gloss over the potential issues in the rest of the secondary. If Revis can continue to play at the level we've grown accustomed throughout his illustrious career, they'll be fine. If he doesn't, this secondary is a prime candidate to be one of the most vulnerable in the league.

Bottom Line:

The Jets are a near-mirror image of the team they were a year ago and I believe the 2016 season will result in the same heartbreaking, narrow miss of a wild card spot.

Projected Standings:
1.New England Patriots (11-5)
2.New York Jets (9-7)
3.Buffalo Bills (9-7)
4.Miami Dolphins (5-11)