Boston Movies Ranked

Welcome to Ranked-where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out related accolades. On this week's special St. Patrick's Day edition, I succumb to the Masshole stereotype and profile Boston-set movies.

Boston Movies Ranked:

25.Zookeeper (D-)

24.What's Your Number? (D-)

23.Surrogates (C)

22.Fever Pitch (C)

21.The Equalizer 2 (C)

20.Edge of Darkness (C+)

19.Infinitely Polar Bear (C+)

18.Honest Thief (B-)

17.Free Fire (B-)

16.The Equalizer (B-)

15.Ava (B-)

14.Black Mass (B)

13.Patriots Day (B)

12.The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (B)

11.Mystic River (B)

10.Ted 2 (B+)

9.Spenser Confidential (B+)

8.The Heat (B+)

7.Spotlight (A-)

6.Ted (A)

5.The Town (A)

4.Gone Baby Gone (A)

3.Good Will Hunting (A)

2.The Boondock Saints (A+)

1.The Departed (A+)

Top Dog: The Departed (2006)

The Departed isn't just the ultimate Boston crime movie, it's the ultimate crime movie period. This cops vs. mob saga spins one of hell a tightly-woven, unbelievably compelling web that features flawless pacing, magnetic characters on both sides of the law and a powerhouse ending that still packs a devastating punch all these years later.

Lowlight: Zookeeper (2011)

The lovely Franklin Park Zoo deserved better than having Kevin James, Rosario Dawson and a bunch of taking animals desecrate their proud name by staging an all time bad 90-minute fart joke marathon on their grounds.  

Most Underrated: The Heat (2013)

I love a good buddy action comedy more than most and The Heat was definitely among the best released during the 2010's. Powered by the incredible odd couple pairing of Sandra Bullock in pure stoic buzzkill mode and Melissa McCarthy operating at the peak of manic vulgar comedy powers, Paul Feig's equally good follow-up to Bridesmaids mines constant laughs out of the absurd situations the mismatched protagonists get into while they to try apprehend an elusive drug lord and features some of the better constructed action sequences that have ever appeared in a movie that was primarily a comedy. 

Most Overrated: Mystic River (2003)

While Mystic River is an engrossing and generally well-acted mystery drama that features some interesting observations about the psychological effects of childhood trauma, the big reveal of who was behind the murder that drives the story and the few scenes that follow it are so overwhelmingly absurd that it notably undercuts the intended emotional impact.

Highest Piece of Art: The Boondock Saints (1999)

The Museum of Fine Arts is widely regarded as the home of Boston's most prestigious collection of art, but since The Boondock Saints isn't featured in it, I respectfully beg to differ. A heavily stylized action movie about Irish immigrant brothers spewing Bible verses and brutally murdering mobsters that have evaded justice while being pursued by Willem Dafoe at his overacting peak is more beautiful than any painting Picasso or Van Gogh ever made.

Least Accurate Depiction of the City: Free Fire (2017)

I'm not entirely confident that writer/director Ben Wheatley has even been to Boston before. Every building and landscape that appears in Free Fire looks so noticeably different from anything you'd see in the city (this is because it was filmed entirely in England) that it makes all of the Boston-set titles that have been shot in Toronto or Montreal over the years look like they were shot completely on location.