Jennifer Garner Ranked

Welcome to the latest edition of "Ranked"-where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out related accolades. This week, I'm profiling the work of Jennifer Garner-whose latest movie "Yes Day" premieres on Netflix this Friday. 

Jennifer Garner's Filmography Ranked:

16.Pearl Harbor (D-)

15.Juno (D)

14.Mr. Magoo (D+)

13.Nine Lives (C)

12.Daredevil (C+)

11.Peppermint (C+)

10.13 Going on 30 (B-)

9.Arthur (B-)

8.Dallas Buyers Club (B)

7.Danny Collins (B)

6.The Kingdom (B)

5.Love, Simon (B)

4.Butter (B)

3.Catch Me If You Can (B+)

2.Dude Where's My Car? (B+)

1.Draft Day (A)

Top Dog: Draft Day (2014)

Cheesy, inspirational sports fairy tale dramas basically went extinct around 2008/09, which is exactly why the existence of Draft Day is so delightful. Quite frankly, a real time drama taking place in the headquarters of the Cleveland Browns on the first day of the NFL Draft wouldn't have even made sense for Disney to release during the days of Remember the Titans, Miracle and Invincible, but somebody at Lionsgate disagreed with that thinking and were not rewarded for their blind faith in audiences giving a shit about an NFL Draft movie when it grossed just $28.8 million at the domestic box office. However, as someone who loves these types of movies so deeply and unapologetically, I would like to thank the hilariously out of touch individuals who bankrolled this for providing another fiercely entertaining, comically melodramatic entry into this long-abandoned genre. 

Lowlight: Pearl Harbor (2001)

Michael Bay stayed true to his reputation as a master of all things explosions by creating a fiery turd of a movie that pisses all over the memory of the people that died during the attack on the Hawaiian naval base. Nothing says "I respect the fallen" like using the event that provoked the United States to get involved in World War II as the backdrop for a 62-hour schmaltzy romance movie about two naval pilots (Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett) who are vying for the affection of a nurse (Kate Beckinsale) at Pearl Harbor.  How this film even got past the first pitch meeting is honestly astounding.  

Most Underrated: Butter (2012)

Any comedy about a prestigious small town Iowa butter carving competition that features Olivia Wilde as a foul-mouthed stripper who befriends a young foster child (Yara Shahidi) who may be a butter carving prodigy, Hugh Jackman as a cowboy hat-wearing used car dealership owner and Garner as the overly competitive, slightly insane wife of the man (Ty Burrell) whose dominated the competition for the past 15 years is a shoo-in to get my stamp of approval. This funny, relatively stupid little movie deserved better than the cold VOD dump it received from a certain predatory former studio head.  

Most Overrated: Juno (2007)

Watching hipster cartoon characters stir up avoidable drama and speak in nothing but quirky platitudes for a little under two hours makes Juno a special of kind hell that I hope to never visit again.  

Best Use of Her Action Star Chops in a Questionable Movie: Peppermint (2018)

Garner has spent so much time making romantic comedies, family movies and prestige dramas in her career that its easy to forget that her initial acting breakthrough came with action roles in the hit ABC spy series Alias and as Elektra in Daredevil and the character's subsequent solo spinoff movie of the same name. When she finally returned to the genre in the vigilante bloodbath Peppermint, it felt like a portal back to 2003 had opened right in front of our eyes. Her effortless slip back into smoldering badass mode was a large part of why such a sloppily-written, overly serious and occasionally overtly racist movie managed to be somewhat engaging. 

Most Quietly Influential Movie to Me: Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

Growing up in the era in which I did meant a lot of early introductions to some completely fucking insane movies. Sometime in 2003/04, I stumbled upon the cult classic Dude, Where's My Car? on TV and it ended up playing a big part in shaping the sense of humor I have today. This is a fearlessly weird comedy that revels in the absurd turns its plot takes, pulling off the unexplainable magic trick of having a dumb joke become funnier each time its repeated  and actively alienating any audience that puts a premium on traditional cinematic quality metrics. Without having this prime piece of comedic lunacy enter my life at such a young age, who knows if I ever would've developed such a strong taste for unhinged absurdist/surrealist comedy. So basically Dude Where's My Car? is on my Mount Rushmore of important movies, which says everything you need to know about the sophiscation of my taste.