Welcome to "Ranked"-where I rank a franchise or filmography and hand out related accolades. In honor of "Godzilla vs. Kong"-which releases on March 31st in theaters and on HBO Max- this week's subject is modern giant monster movies that have been released from 2000 through now.
Modern Giant Monster Movies Ranked:
14.King Kong (D-)
13.Godzilla (D)
12.Monster Hunter (C)
11.Pacific Rim Uprising (C+)
10.Godzilla: King of the Monsters (C+)
9.Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (C+)
8.Jurassic Park III (B-)
7.The Meg (B-)
6.Jurassic World (B)
5.Cloverfield (B)
4.Rampage (B)
3.Kong: Skull Island (B+)
2.Pacific Rim (A-)
1.Super 8 (A)
Top Dog: Super 8 (2011)
While it's admittedly kind of cheating to include something that is more of a straight sci-fi movie than a traditional monster movie, giant alien creatures are still a big enough part of Super 8 that I felt it was fair enough to feature it here. J.J. Abrams' most underrated movie is a beautiful ode to Steven Spielberg's sci-fi coming-of-age adventures from the 70's/80's that has enough heart, humor and electrifying spectacle to fill an entire year's worth of blockbusters.
Lowlight: King Kong (2005)
The overindulgence era of Peter Jackson that started with the back half of Return of the King really hit its stride here. By focusing on a bloated human story over monster action and making god awful casting decisions across the board (Naomi Watts as a stereotypical damsel in distress that Kong "falls in love with", a sleepwalking Adrien Brody as her human love interest, Jack Black as a sleazy movie director, Andy Serkis doing a painful Popeye impression as the cook of the doomed ship heading to Skull Island), Jackson created one of the most needlessly long, relentlessly cheesy and painfully boring movies that I've ever sat through.
Most Underrated: Pacific Rim (2013)
It's not exactly a surprise that a filmmaker with the ambition, creativity and technical skills of Guillermo del Toro is one of the few people to absolutely nail the modern monster movie. With its simple plot (giant monsters have come out of a mysterious interdimensional portal that's opened up in the Pacific Ocean and mankind builds robots to fight them), charismatic cast (Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Ron Perlman, Charlie Day, Clifton Collins Jr.) and frequent massive action sequences, Pacific Rim is a vibrant, absurdly fun epic that delivers the singularly badass wonder this genre is capable of when it's at its peak.
Most Overrated: Godzilla (2014)
Whoever created the trailers for Godzilla are the most skilled editors in Hollywood. Trying to sell the illusion that a boring dud from the Peter Jackson School of Misguided Monster Moviemaking disciple Gareth Edwards that is more interested in telling a shitty human story than Godzilla causing destruction had any actual excitement in it is an incredibly difficult gig that these virtuosos somehow made look like a routine assignment. I hope whatever guild they belong to gave their incredible efforts the proper recognition.
Most Purely Stupid: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom isn't just the most purely stupid monster movie released in the past 21 years, it might just be the most purely stupid big budget movie released during this entire time period. Fallen Kingdom is a Hall of Fame collection of absurd plot developments and illogical characters making breathtakingly stupid decisions that rapidly alternates between being hilariously entertaining and just plain cringeworthy for 2+ hours. Can't wait to see if they can close the trilogy (presumably) next year on an even higher note of idiocy.
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