Michael Keaton Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked": Where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted relevant accolades. This week, I'm profiling the work of Michael Keaton-whose latest project "Worth" begins streaming on Netflix this Friday.  

Michael Keaton's Filmography Ranked:

18.Beetlejuice (D)

17.American Assassin (D+)

16.Jack Frost (C)

15.The Protégé (B-) 

14.Night Shift (B-)

13.The Founder (B)

12.RoboCop (B)

11.Batman Returns (B)

10.Need for Speed (B)

9.Spider-Man: Homecoming (B+)

8.Batman (B+)

7.Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (B+)

6.Spotlight (A-)

5.The Trial of the Chicago 7 (A-)

4.Out of Sight (A-)

3.Jackie Brown (A-)

2.The Other Guys (A)

1.Toy Story 3 (A)

Top Dog: Toy Story 3 (2010)

While the power of its bittersweet ending was slightly downgraded when Disney and Pixar decided to go back to the well for Toy Story 4, not even a big business engaging in standard capitalist practices can undercut the humor, heart and thoughtful musings on human existence that made Toy Story 3 so special       

Lowlight: Beetlejuice (1988)

Tim Burton's love of turning spooky things silly and filling his zany supernatural worlds with an assortment of obnoxious and/or angsty asshats that exist on both sides of the living/dead equation grates on me to such a high degree that it can't be properly quantified in the written word. When it comes to Beetlejuice specifically, the mere thought of the dance possession scene, Keaton's fast talking ghost snake oil salesman schtick and mall goth Winona Ryder making wisecracks to her straight-laced yuppie parents is enough to make me want to vomit on the spot. Now excuse while I go clean the puke from my keyboard.        

Most Underrated: Need for Speed (2014)

Need for Speed is lowkey a borderline great movie. I mean how many B-level action movies based on popular video franchises can say they feature Keaton as a reclusive illegal street racing host/commentator, future Academy Award winner Rami Malek defiantly quitting an office job to re-join his old street racing crew by streaking through the building and a purposely absurd revenge plot that provides legitimately great actors Aaron Paul and Dominic Cooper the opportunity to get into an overacting pissing contest? Far too few, if you ask me. Plus on top all of those shenanigans, the racing scenes are extremely well-executed and the entire movie is driven by a relaxed, playful energy that effortlessly sells the mindless fun vibe its aiming for.

Most Overrated: Beetlejuice (1988)

This and Edward Scissorhands are among my top picks for the most overrated movies I've ever seen. Full quirk mode Tim Burton is just the fucking worst man.

Worst Professional Action Movie of the Past Decade: American Assassin (2017)

American Assassin unintentionally provides a template of how not to make an action movie that has  legitimate actors, production values, etc. (Translation: Isn't just a cheapo VOD hack job starring a half asleep Bruce Willis, Thomas Jane or Jesse Metcalfe)  The pacing is glacial, the action is choppy, none of the characters have any charisma and above all, the story is convoluted, inefficient and completely unengaging.  

Most Disrespected Tarantino Project: Jackie Brown (1997)

Jackie Brown is often cited as Quentin Tarantino's worst movie and this popular take is something that I've strongly disagreed with since I saw Jackie Brown for the 1st time roughly 7 years ago. Is it on the level of my favorites from him (Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill Vo1. 1, Django Unchained, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood...)? Not quite. However, it's a very stylish, hilarious and terrifically acted (Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert De Niro, Robert Forester, Bridget Fonda and Keaton all crush) crime saga that demonstrates that Tarantino is capable of utilizing a more meditative, restrained approach to storytelling when he wants to.