Friday, August 12, 2022

2022 NFL Preview: NFC North

 Chicago Bears

2021 Record: 6-11 (3rd in NFC North)

Head Coach: Matt Eberflus (1st season)

Notable Additions: WR Byron Pringle, DE Al-Quadin Muhammad, CB Tavon Young

Notable Departures: OLB Khalil Mack, WR Allen Robinson, DE/DT Akiem Hicks

Biggest Reason for Excitement: The Players Seem to Be Responding to Matt Eberflus 

There were a lot of issues with the final 3 seasons of Matt Nagy's tenure as Bears head coach. His playcalling was often putrid, his refusal to scheme around the personnel he was given was baffling and his willingness to throw his players under the bus for the team's failures seemed to grow larger with each loss. By the time last season rolled around, Nagy had completely lost the locker room. Guys were just finally got sick of being hung out to dry and put in questionable spots to succeed and it showed with the lack of heart and focus they played with at times.

In the early stages of the Matt Eberflus-era, things seem to be different. Darnell Mooney, Trevis Gibson and Jaylon Johnson are among the players that have publicly praised Eberflus for his direct communication style and willingness to hold the players accountable without disrespecting them. Does this mean much of anything at this point in time? Not at all. Players bought in to Nagy's system in his 1st year too and being a coach that values honesty and hard work has zero direct correlation with good game planning, playcalling and situational management. However, any sign that the players are happy to play for Eberfulus is worth getting a little bit excited about. A bad young team that plays smart and hard is better than an aging middler that doesn't really give a shit about what the outcome is.   

Biggest Reason for Concern: Whether or Not the Team Did Enough to Help Justin Fields

A full blown rebuild needed to be in the cards for the Bears. Nagy just wasn't the same guy after the Double Doink playoff loss in 2018 and Ryan Pace-who did a better job than he gets credit for-had too many losses/damaging personnel whiffs to earn an 8th year on the job that would've included making his 3rd head coaching hire. 

When longtime Chiefs front office assistant Ryan Poles took the GM job in January, he made some necessary housekeeping moves that the fanbase had no problem understanding. Khalil Mack, Allen Robinson, Akiem Hicks and Danny Trevathan aren't useful pieces on a team that's not even close to winning anything and in the case of Mack, moving him to acquire draft capital made sense considering Pace left them with so few picks in the 2022 draft after swinging multiple trades in 2021 to land Justin Fields and Teven Jenkins. 

What didn't make sense was some of the moves Poles made after this. He let talented 25-year old guard James Daniels leave for the Steelers in free agency, kept some incumbent starters that really needed to go in place (Sam Mustipher, Mario Edwards Jr, Angelo Blackson, Kindle Vildor) and shopped exclusively at the free agent bargain bin to fill out the depth chart (Justin Jones, Byron Pringle, Lucas Patrick, Equanimeous St. Brown, Tavon Young, Michael Schofield, Riley Reiff). A sizable dead cap situation after trading and cutting so many high-priced vets paired with a belief that they're simply waiting until next year when most of that money to really start building has been offered up as explanation for this approach, but that just sounds like a weak excuse to cover up a series of moves that nobody outside of the organization seems to understand or approve of.

This ultimately begs the question: Did they do enough to help Fields out? In my eyes, absolutely not. Evaluating Fields last year was impossible because Nagy didn't use him properly and the personnel around him largely stunk. Even if new OC Luke Getsy takes advantage of Fields' mobility, this year doesn't feel like it's going to be much different. Unless rookies like Velus Jones Jr. and Braxton Jones-a 5th round pick this year who is currently projected to start at left tackle-prove to be revelations that no one saw coming, rotational journeyman Patrick or Pringle are able to fix the massive limitations in their respective games by getting more regular reps and Reiff returns to his decent form after having his 2021 season with the Bengals cut short by an ankle injury, the receiving corps and offensive line very well could be worse than last year and how the hell can you tell if a quarterback is good or not if he has no time to throw and no one to throw to? The simple answer is that you can't.  Rebuilds take time and nobody expected the Bears to hit the ground running in 2022, but right now it seems like Poles' is just setting Fields up to fail so he can jettison for him a QB of his choosing in another year or two.   

Key to Reaching their Ceiling: What Eberflus Can Do with This Young Defensive Corps

Even with Roquan Smith currently holding out and potentially being traded and the longtime faces of this defense being gone, there's still a lot to like about the Bears defense on paper. Robert Quinn showed he's still got some juice left in his early 30's by posting an All-Pro campaign (18.5 sacks, 17 TFL's, 22 QB hits, 4 forced fumbles) out of the blue last year, Jaylon Johnson remains on a legit top corner trajectory after a solid sophomore season, Gibson was a terrific fill-in for Mack after he went down with a season-ending foot injury in late October-picking up 7 sacks, 7 QB hits and 5 forced fumbles in 9 starts, Thomas Graham Jr. was lights out when he got called up from the practice squad in December following a COVID outbreak among their DB room and ended up playing a prominent role in the final 4 games of the season and rookies Kyler Gordon and Jaquan Brisker project to be day 1 starters in the secondary that could inject this group with a dose of old school physicality.

As great of a job as former DC Sean Desai-who is a big get for a Seahawks team that been pretty bad on defense for the past few seasons-did with managing injuries and getting young guys like Johnson and Gibson to improve so dramatically in year 2, Eberflus and his staff have a chance to make this group even better. When Eberflus got to the Colts in 2018, the group was in shambles finishing in the bottom 5 of the league in most categories in including 30th in scoring defense. Through his disciplined coaching and the arrival of an All-Pro linebacker in Shaquile Leonard (formerly Darius), they jumped up to the top 10 in scoring defense and top 8 in rushing defense in his 1st year. 

Considering the talent level and jumping off point for the 2022 Bears is much higher than it was for the 2018 Colts, Eberflus, DC Alan Williams, linebackers coach Dave Borgonzi and the small group of other former Colts assistants brought with him to Chicago could have this group hitting the top 5 if all goes well. There are guys at every level of this defense with the potential to be special and considering the remarkable job this staff did with elevating and developing unsung talent including Kenny Moore, Bobby Okreke and the now-retired Khari Willis during their 4 years in Indy, it's thrilling to think of the strides the incumbent guys can make and how good Gordon and Brisker could become under the tutelage of this staff. This group has a much higher chance of surprising than their counterparts on offense and Eberflus and co. could have them prepared to sneak up on teams with their ferocity and underrated skill very early on.

Bottom Line:

A new coaching staff, unproven young quarterback and generally shitty roster is a classic recipe for NFL failure that the Bears will execute to perfection in 2022.  

Detroit Lions

2021 Record: 3-13-1 (4th in NFC North)

Head Coach: Dan Campbell (2nd season)

Notable Additions: S DeShon Eliott, CB Mike Hughes, WR D.J. Chark

Notable Departures: OLB Trey Flowers, ILB Jalen Reeves-Maybin, S Dean Marlowe

Biggest Reason for Excitement: Landing Aidan Hutchinson 

Securing the #2 pick in the 2022 draft was a somewhat depressing scenario for the Lions. Hometown kid/University of Michigan standout Aidan Hutchinson was projected to be the #1 pick and it would've been a really cool story for the long-suffering Lions to see one of their own come and play for them. Plus, he would fill a really huge need for them at edge rusher. Then for maybe the 1st time in Lions history, they benefitted from some good fortune when the Trent Baalke-led Jaguars fell in love with the athletic traits of Travon Walker and decided to take him at #1 instead of Hutchinson.

Once the Jaguars selection of Walker became official, GM Brad Holmes turned in the draft card in seemingly record time. When Hutchinson got his name called, another strange thing happened: Somebody was beaming after they got selected by the Lions. If this shit ends up going sideways, it's going to be particularly devastating. A blue-chip talent not only slipping to the Lions, but being excited to play for them is not a scenario that's likely to play out again.

What makes the addition of Hutchinson so huge for the Lions is that this he's a potential Myles Garrett, Joey/Nick Bosa, Khalil Mack-type generational talent. He was a certified game wrecker at Michigan and his strength/size/speed/well-rounded game combo makes that success very likely to translate to the pros. In my lifetime at least, Ziggy Ansah and Kyle Vanden Bosch were the closest things they had to a cornerstone edge guy and Hutchinson has a chance to be significantly better than both of them. The prospect of having a future All-Pro that hails from the Detroit-area wreaking havoc on opposing offenses will be enough to fuel a decade's worth of optimism in Detroit.  

Biggest Reason for Concern: Dan Campbell's Actual X and O Coaching Ability

Dan Campbell earned a lot of praise during his inaugural season with the Lions by uplifting his team with his passionate speeches, instilling a work ethic in them that made them one of the highest effort teams in the league and completely ridding the locker room of the sad, deflated aura that defined them during the Matt Patricia era. While Campbell's love of his players and ability to field a team that is hungry to compete on game days isn't up for debate, the kind of coach he is underneath all of the theatrics very much is. 

A major part of the reason they won 3 games in 2021 was due to their lack of talent at nearly every spot. The quieter part of it was Campbell himself. Quite a few of their tight losses can be attributed to questionable clock management/situational football in close games (he went for on 4th down way more than he should have) and Campbell himself called plays in the final 9 games after stripping OC Anthony Lynn-who was fired after the season-of that responsibility during their bye week and the team still finished 25th in scoring (although to be fair, all 3 of their wins did come with Campbell running the offense). 

Heading into this season, Campbell will see his meddle truly tested. Opponents aren't going to overlook this team again after the way they competed last year and the good will he's built up with his personality will fade if the team takes any noticeable steps backs this season and/or continues to lose at a high clip. The first big test is right on the horizon as he has to make the tough, potentially season-altering call in the coming weeks of whether he wants to keep calling offensive plays or cede those duties to new OC Brad Johnson. While there's still too many personnel/talent issues to get a firm read on what Campbell is really made of as a coach, his 2nd season at the helm should provide far more illuminating insight than his 1st.

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Taking the Next Step Forward in their Rebuild 

Maybe it's because people around the league are rooting hard for them to win after decades of suffering or it's simply a case of people getting riled up over Dan Campbell's pump-up speeches and ignoring any of the on-field elements of his job, but the Lions have some legitimate buzz around them this season. People like the draft they put together (even though Jameson Williams probably won't see the field until next year) as well as the new veteran starters/depth pieces (DeShon Elliott, Mike Hughes, D.J. Chark, Justin Jackson) they brought in and there are even some pie in the sky folks that thing that can earn a playoff spot. As great of a story as it would be to see this team return to the playoffs just 2 years into a hard rebuild, people need to pump the brakes on Lions mania. This squad isn't going anywhere this season. They're team is far too young and far too talent-deprived-particularly on defense- to win at a high level this season. What the Lions should be concerned about this season is what improvements they can individually make to help the collective improve and move this rebuild another step forward.

Campbell needs to grow as an in-game coach and stop being needlessly aggressive with calling timeouts and going for it on 4th down. D'Andre Swift needs to stop putting the ball on the ground so much. Amon-Ra St. Brown needs to do more after the catch and prove that his strong finish in 2021 wasn't just a product of being a warm body on a team with no healthy wideouts. 2020 1st round pick Jeff Okudah needs to embrace the grinding mindset of Detroit and get back on track after 2 brutal inaugural pro seasons marred by poor play and the bad luck of suffering a massive Achilles injury. Jared Goff needs to get T.J. Hockenson more consistently involved in the passing attack. Last year's surprise defensive MVP Charles Harris needs to solidify his Motor City resurrection and provide Hutchinson with a legitimate running mate on the edge. Growth and patience are the most valuable things in the world to the 2022 Lions and if both of those things become focal points of their operation, 2023 just might be the season where a major leap becomes feasible. 

Bottom Line:

While some degree of improvement feels imminent, it's far too early in this attempted to rebuild to expect much more than 5-6 wins from the Lions. 

Green Bay Packers

2021 Record: 13-4 (1st in NFC North)

Head Coach: Matt LaFleur (4th season)

Notable Additions: WR Sammy Watkins, DT Jarran Reed, P Pat O'Donnell

Notable Departures: WR Davante Adams, OLB Za'Darius Smith, WR Marquez Valdez-Scantling

Biggest Reason for Excitement: Aaron Rodgers Returning

Postponing the start of or maybe even completely killing the Jordan Love-era in Green Bay had to make a lot of people that care about the Packers ecstatic. As much postseason disappointment and year-round drama as the Aaron Rodgers experience generates, the man remains a special talent that is currently showing no signs of slowing down at age 38 going on 39. Will openly becoming a new age hippie that reads astrology books, gets lame spiritual tattoos and chugs ayahuasca in Peru during the offseason be the key to reversing Rodgers' postseason futility? Doubtful, but playing in the worst division in a greatly diminished NFC will make holding out hope for this miracle to occur very easy. 

Biggest Reason for Concern: Davante Adams Leaving

When the bombshell news that Davante Adams was being traded to the Las Vegas Raiders broke, I immediately thought Rodgers was going to retire or the Packers were secretly working on a deal to acquire a younger top wideout that could be available through trade (A.J. Brown, DK Metcalf, Terry McLaurin, Deebo Samuel, Diontae Johnson, D.J. Moore). Adams is the best receiver Rodgers has ever played with and it wouldn't make sense for the Packers to convince him to return without an uncontested top wideout on the roster RIGHT? Well, that unthinkable scenario happened as the only vet the Packers brought in was journeyman Sammy Watkins. And to make matters even worse, #2 wideout Marquez Valdez-Scantling also departed for the Chiefs in free agency.

The biggest problem with Adams leaving isn't actually the 1,400-1,700 YDS/10+ TD per year production loss, it's that the infamous Rodgers trust tree only has a small number of branches left on it. Right now, the list of Packers pass-catchers that Rodgers is comfortable with is limited to Allen Lazard, Robert Tonyan, Aaron Jones and 84-year-old Randall Cobb. And of that group, who can really be relied onto make plays? Lazard is nothing more than a solid #3 option, Jones can hit home runs on wheel routes and screen passes on occasion, but he still primarily operates in the running game, Tonyan has little use outside of the redzone and Cobb isn't chasing down anything that isn't the orderly that forgot his Jello at lunchtime. 

Being asked to fill the colossal vacancies in the trust tree are the trio of Watkins and rookies Christian Watson and Romeo Doubs. Before we get to the actual skill sets of these 3 men, keep in mind that Rodgers is a notoriously difficult guy to build a rapport with. If you fuck up a route, drop a ball or misread one of his pre-snaps audibles, your ass isn't getting thrown to (just ask Equanimeous St. Brown and Amari Rodgers). 

Watson-who was picked at the top of the 2nd round-actually seems like the guy that's most likely to end up out of the trust tree. His explosive athleticism will earn him reps, but his shaky hands and route-running (he came from a run-heavy system at North Dakota State that didn't require him to do much in that department) are likely to draw the ire of Rodgers. 

Watkins feels like the safest bet on paper to make in it due to his experience level, but his tendency to miss time with soft tissue/foot injuries and the erratic play level that has caused him to bounce around the league makes that a much shakier one in practice. 

This of course leaves Doubs. He's actually drawn comparisons to a young Cobb for his unsung status and sound yet completely unflashy game and has earned some positive reviews out of training camp. However, banking on a 4th round pick who put up decent numbers against mediocre D1 competition at the University of Nevada to be an immediate go-to guy for Rodgers just isn't a reasonable expectation.. If none of the new guys click with Rodgers by season's end and Lazard can't handle the increased responsibilities of his unintended promotion, Rodgers might not be long for Green Bay (or the NFL in general) after all.  

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Not Getting Burned by Special Teams

Despite all of the questions marks surrounding their WR group, the Packers are generally in good shape heading into 2022. Rodgers and the quality running back tandem of Jones and A.J. Dillion will be enough to keep their offense functional even if the pass game fails them, their defense is a pretty good group anchored by a terrific secondary and their offensive line will be in good shape if David Bakhitiari can come back and contribute after missing nearly all of last season and the end of the 2020 season after tearing an ACL in practice. There is one area though where shit could still go very haywire: Special teams.

The 2021 Packers turned into an absolute clown show whenever the special teams hit the field. Their kick and punt coverage team were a weekly blooper reel that were largely responsible for the upset playoff loss they suffered to the 49ers in a snow game at Lambeau, Mason Crosby had the 2nd worst season of his career by making only 73.5% of his field goals and Corey Bojorquez was actually a pretty decent punter who was made to look worse than he actually was by the garbage coverage team. Unsurprisingly, special team coordinator Marcus Grayton was fired after the loss to 49ers and replaced by respected vet/2021 interim Raiders head coach Rich Biassicia in the offseason.

As good as Biassicia is, he's going to have his hands full with this group. Longtime Bears punter Pat O'Donnell could actually be a downgrade from Bojorquez as he's only averaged above 46 YDS per punt in 2 of his 8 NFL seasons thus far, Crosby tends be more of the erratic guy that he was last year than the automatic machine he was in 2019/20 and ex-Raiders kick coverage specialists Dallin Leavitt and Keisan Nixon are the only established special teamers they brought into the mix for this season. The improvement only needs to be marginal for this to no longer be a crippling issue, but a coaching and punter change might not be enough to get this team of special teams purgatory. 

Bottom Line:

While Adams' departure is a big enough loss for regression to be a near certainty, it's unlikely to knock the Packers out of contention in the NFC.

Minnesota Vikings

2021 Record: 8-9 (2nd in NFC North)

Head Coach: Kevin O'Connell (1st season)

Notable Additions: OLB Za'Darius Smith, ILB Jordan Hicks, CB Chandon Sullivan

Notable Departures: OLB Anthony Barr, S Xavier Woods, TE Tyler Conklin

Biggest Reason for Excitement: They're in a Prime Position to Take Advantage of the Weakened Depth in the NFC.

The past few seasons of Vikings football have been defined by great offense, poor defense and pretty steady mediocrity. As one of the only teams that no suffered no major roster losses, the Vikings are in a great spot to win more without really improving. All they need to do is more or less stay the course from the previous regime-which should be attainable unless Justin Jefferson, Kirk Cousins, Dalvin Cook and Adam Thielen all get hurt and they could end up on the right side of the playoff bubble that they fell short of for the past 2 seasons. Good things come to those wait, unless you're Mike Zimmer who would've been able to keep his job if the Seahawks, Cowboys, Cardinals, 49ers and Packers all conceivably got worse a year earlier.  

Biggest Reason for Concern: That Kevin O'Connell is the Rare Bad Branch from the Sean McVay Coaching Tree.

The tree talk has shifted from trust to coaching, so don't say there isn't any variety in these pieces. Sean McVay is the most successful young head coach in the league by a considerable margin, which means his staff is going to continue to get ransacked by copycats around the league hoping that the next great coach just happens to be sitting among his underlings. This phenomenon is bound to only get worse in the upcoming offseason now that he's won a Super Bowl. The latest McVay acolyte to be plucked off his staff is Kevin O'Connell. 

Weirdly enough, O'Connell first rose to prominence when he landed the Washington QB coach right after McVay accepted Rams coaching gig in 2017 and they never worked together until 2020 when McVay tapped him to be the first OC he worked with since Matt Lafluer left the team following the 2017 season. 

While O'Connell earned some respect during his tenure in Washington, his resume has some holes in it that have been overlooked due to his ties to McVay. O'Connell's lone season of being an OC with real playcalling responsibilities came during his final season with Washington in 2019 and things didn't go exactly go great. The offense ranked dead last in a host of categories (scoring, passing, 3 down%, total 1st downs) and they finished 3-13. In O'Connell's defense, Case Keenum and Dwayne Haskins struggled immensely that season and there's no one besides maybe Andy Reid or McVay himself that could've gotten anything out of a team that had such poor QB play. Still, it's never a good look when the section of your resume that features your highest leverage gig before becoming a head coach is this ugly.

Then there's the scheme fit factor. As QB-friendly as the McVay system reportedly is, it doesn't suit everybody. Russell Wilson really struggled to produce with Shane Waldron at the helm last season, no one other than Joe Burrow has been even semi-respectable under Zac Taylor during his 4 seasons with the Bengals and Lafluer's lone game with Jordan Love under center in Green Bay was an abject disaster. If Kirk Cousins fails to be as productive as he was under Klint and Gary Kubiak the past 2 seasons, the hiring of O'Connell as well as the staying power of McVay's former assistants as head coaches is going to begin to look pretty questionable.

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Getting Anything of Note Out of Their Defense

Egregious defensive failures over the past few seasons are by far the #1 reason Mike Zimmer is no longer coaching the Minnesota Vikings. While some poor drafting by Rick Spielman-who also got his walking papers at the end of last season, key injuries like the one that kept Danielle Hunter out for most of last season and diminishing returns from vets (Everson Griffen, Sheldon Richardson, to a lesser extent Harrison Smith) contributed to their struggles over the past few years, Zimmer deserve some blame for his mismanagement of young assets-particularly Mike Hughes, who turned into a pretty solid player once he got to the Chiefs- and his unwavering insistence on trotting out older players over young ones (playing a worn down Patrick Peterson over the very promising Cameron Dantzler last season is a particularly absurd example of this). 

The new Vikings regime are pulling out some interesting tactics to try and improve this group that's been among the very worst in football in back-to-back seasons. New GM Kwesi Adofo-Mensa decided to basically turn a blind eye to any and all injury histories and sign as many guys with medical red flags as they could find with the hope that could get high production levels at a discounted rate. Za'Darius Smith-a man that's about to turn 30 and only played 18 snaps last year before he went on season-ending IR with a back injury that had been bothering him throughout camp- got himself a nice 3-year/$42 deal off the pair of consecutive double-digit sack season he had with the Packers prior to sitting out last year. Fellow 30-year old Jordan Hicks-who has shockingly not missed a game since 2018 but missed 22 from 2015-18 with an assortment of injures-got himself a 2-year deal to play alongside Eric Kendricks at inside linebacker. Harrison Phillips may be a much younger fella at 26, but he's also an inactive list regular (he's missed multiple games in all but 1 of his 4 NFL seasons to date and suffered a torn ACL in 2019) that got himself a multi-year contract. Staking some key parts of the defensive rebuild on guys with concerning injury histories is a bold move that will either make Adofo-Mensa the new king of spreadsheets or just the latest in a line of analytical bozos that are in over their heads.

Tasked with overseeing this somewhat overhauled operation is Ed Donatell-who was Vic Fangio's top lieutenant in San Francisco, Chicago and Denver over the 11 seasons. Like with Zimmer before him, the overall quality of the coaching isn't likely to be an issue considering the strength of his pedigree, but one advantage he does have is a better track record with young players. During Donatell's time as the DC in Denver, Justin Simmons greatly improved, Patrick Surtain II got off to a great start and several other injury-prone guys (Bradley Chubb, Josey Jewell, Bryce Callahan) flashed in between IR stints. There's a lot of youth present in this group that figure to earn sizable roles right away (Dantzler, rookies Lewis Cine, Andrew Booth Jr. and Brian Asamoah) and Donatell's ability to get them valuable reps alongside an established corps of vets (Smith, Hunter, Kendricks, Peterson, Dalvin Tomlinson) could be really key for getting this group back on track.

Whether it comes through the play of the young guys they drafted, the refurbished free agent or the returning players, some degree of tangible improvement is imperative for the trajectory of this team. A finish in the bottom third of scoring defenses and being poor against both the run and pass has torpedoed their playoff chances for 2 straight seasons. A modest, attainable rise to the middle of the pack could greatly change their standing in the NFC hierarchy and send the longships back to the glorious waters of the playoffs for the 1st time since 2019.

Bottom Line:

With an explosive offense and a fortunate placement in a terrible division, the Vikings have a golden opportunity to become the Kings of the NFC middlers and earn a Wild Card spot.

Projected Standings:

1.Green Bay Packers (11-6)

2.Minnesota Vikings (9-8)

3.Detroit Lions (5-12)

4.Chicago Bears (4-13)

Thursday, August 11, 2022

Aubrey Plaza Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best and hand out assorted related superlatives. This week, I'm profiling the work of Aubrey Plaza-whose latest project "Emily the Criminal" arrives in theaters tomorrow.

Aubrey Plaza's Filmography Ranked:

19.The Little Hours (D)

18.Playing It Cool (C)

17.Joshy (C)

16.The To Do List (C)

15.About Alex (B-)

14.Charlie Countryman (B-)

13.Mystery Team (B-)

12.Dirty Grandpa (B)

11.Monsters University (B)

10.Happiest Season (B) 

9.Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (B)

8.Safety Not Guaranteed (B)

7.Funny People (B)

6.Life After Beth (B+)

5.An Evening with Beverly Luff Linn (B+)

4.Child's Play (B+)

3.Black Bear (B+)

2.Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (A-)

1.Ingrid Goes West (A)

Top Dog: Ingrid Goes West (2017)

Ingrid Goes West is a perfect piece of satire that has only gotten better as social media celebrities have become more prevalent in the cultural landscape in the 5 years since it was released. It's a film that understands the careful cultivation of the luxurious facade that influencer's put into the world and how they use social media to mask the problems with their own lives as well as the desperation of the lonely people who seek to live in that facade with biting dark humor and a really depressing degree of honesty.

Bottom Feeder: The Little Hours (2017)

As the above list illustrates, Jeff Baena's movies are kind of all over the place to me. However, The Little Hours is in a special camp as it's the only one that I've seen that I really hate. Despite having a great cast (Alison Brie, Plaza, Kate Micucci, Dave Franco, John C. Reilly, Molly Shannon, Fred Armisen, Nick Offerman) and an admirably weird premise involving the members of a convent in 1340's Italy who break their vow to God and begin indulging in all sorts of sin, The Little Hours only manages to be shockingly dull and unfunny for the duration of its 90-minute runtime  

Most Underrated: Ingrid Goes West (2017)

All of the gushing above is just a small sample of the love I have for this movie. The script is relentlessly clever, every member of the ensemble cast (Plaza, Elizabeth Olsen, O'Shea Jackson Jr., Wyatt Russell, Billy Magnussen, Pom Klementieff) delivers an unreal performance that perfectly serves the story and the ending is a haunting gut punch that holds a mirror up to a lot of the awful shit social media exposes about humanity. When people look back the cinema of the 2010's, I really hope many of them stumble upon this unheralded gem and understand what a horrifying encapsulation of the time period it truly is. 

Most Overrated: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Multiple viewings over a 10-year span and a love for both Edgar Wright's work and its future superstar-filled cast that has grown significantly since the film was initially released in August 2010 hasn't done much to change my view on Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Its Mountain Dew and Taco Bell energy gives it a uniquely busy style that suits its video game meets graphic novel style well, but I don't think it's nearly as clever, amusing or compelling as the rest of Wright's movies.

Most Underrated Slasher Remake/Reboot Possibly Ever: Child's Play (2019)

Watching a remake actually try (and succeed) at doing something new is exceptionally refreshing. By retooling the origins of Chucky to make him a robot doll that slowly become a killer by being exposed to violence and viewing himself as the fierce protector of his owner Andy (Gabriel Bateman), the new Child's Play is able to establish its own fascinating creative identity while also serving up some inspired dark comedy and creative, gory kills that pays homage to the original series.

Top Aubrey Plaza Movie That Only I Seem to Love: Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)

A deep ensemble of funny people (Adam Devine, Zac Efron, Plaza, Anna Kendrick, Sam Richardson, Sugar Lyn Beard, Alice Wetterlund, Stephen Root, Kumail Nanjiani) playing colorful characters that got into increasingly absurd situations made Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates one of the funniest movies of the 2010's. Bring back R-rated studio comedies ASAP!!!!! 

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

2022 NFL Power Rankings: Pre-Season

1.Los Angeles Rams

2.Tampa Bay Buccaneers

3.Cincinnati Bengals

4.Buffalo Bills

5.Kansas City Chiefs

6.Green Bay Packers

7.Baltimore Ravens

8.Philadelphia Eagles

9.Las Vegas Raiders

10.Tennessee Titans

11.San Francisco 49ers

12.Los Angeles Chargers

13.Indianapolis Colts

14.Dallas Cowboys

15.Arizona Cardinals

16.Miami Dolphins

17.Minnesota Vikings

18.New England Patriots 

19.Pittsburgh Steelers

20.New Orleans Saints

21.Denver Broncos

22.Cleveland Browns

23.Washington Commanders

24.New York Jets

25.Carolina Panthers

26.Atlanta Falcons

27.Seattle Seahawks

28.Detroit Lions

29.Chicago Bears

30.Jacksonville Jaguars

31.Houston Texans

32.New York Giants

Tuesday, August 9, 2022

2022 NFL Preview: AFC North

 Baltimore Ravens

2021 Record: 8-9 (4th in AFC North)

Head Coach: John Harbaugh (15th season)

Notable Additions: S Marcus Williams, T Morgan Moses, DT Michael Pierce

Notable Departures: WR Marquise Brown, S DeShon Elliott, P Sam Koch (retired)

Biggest Reason for Excitement: Their Roster is Healthy and Upgraded Heading into the Season

The final remnants of the surreal hellscape that was the Ravens 2021 season are almost gone. At this stage of training camp, only Ronnie Stanley, Marcus Peters, Tyus Bowser, and Gus Edwards remain on the PUP list as they rehab from the brutal injuries they suffered in the runup to or during the season. Of that group, only Bowser-who got Achilles surgery in January after sustaining a tear in the season finale against the Steelers-seems like a longshot to not be on the field by the beginning of October. This is music to the ears of John Harbaugh and his staff as they finished the 2021 season with a whopping 18 guys on IR (in addition to the aforementioned PUP guys, Marlon Humphrey, Patrick Ricard, Justice Hill, Tyre Phillips, Daelin Hayes and J.K Dobbins were among the current Ravens on that list). Trying to win games with a roster that not only had a rash of season-ending injuries to most of their best players, but lost other key pieces for long stretches (Lamar Jackson missed 5 games including the last 3) is brutally hard and having those guys (mostly) ready to go must feel like the team is returning to playing on a level playing field after playing with 1 arm tied behind their back for all of 2021.

On top of the return of so many key guys, the Ravens went out and added some really nice pieces to the fold that should immediately make an impact. The splashiest free agent get of the bunch was elite safety Marcus Williams. Putting a rangey ballhawk who can blow up plays from sideline to sideline next to a thumper in Chuck Clark immediately gives the Ravens one of the scariest safety tandems in the league.  

After the retirement of Alejandro Villaneuva in late March, the Ravens were quick to tap Morgan Moses as his replacement. While Moses lacks Villanueva's ability to play both tackle spots, he's a steadier presence on the line that's less suspectable to getting burned by crafty edge rushers and has prior experience with zone blocking concepts after spending last year with the Jets-where he put together another quietly solid year and reaffirmed that he's one of the league's most underrated run blockers.

Wrapping up the veteran portion of the additions was a buy-low deal on Kyle Fuller. Fuller was so bad with the Broncos last year that the Bears retroactively looked smart for cutting him out of the blue earlier that spring. If a return to form is possible, it should materialize in a low-ish leverage role as a subpackage option next to the great Humphrey and Peters.

In addition to this solid free agency haul, the Ravens also put together a draft class that's overflowing with exciting prospects. Kyle Hamiliton is a high floor/high ceiling chess piece that can be deployed at either safety spot, slot corner or inside linebacker,  Tyler Linderbaum has the polish, strength and athleticism to be this year's Creed Humphrey, Travis Jones' pass-rushing prowess and rare speed for a 333lb man could add a new dimension to a d-line interior that otherwise consists of terrific run defenders (Calias Campbell, Michael Pierce- who returns to Baltimore after 2 seasons in Minnesota), David Ojabo is an otherworldly athlete with incredible pass-rushing tools that could be a game-changer on the edge if DC Mike Macdonald can refine his off-the-charts intangibles into a complete game and their day 3 picks were mostly intriguing fliers (tackle Daniel Faalele, cornerbacks Jayln Armour-Davis and Damarion Williams, tight ends Isaiah Likely and Charlie Kolar) that profile as great athletes that struggle with consistency and technique or in the case of Alabama product Armour-Davis, a physical corner with great ball skills that has struggled to stay healthy. Eric DeCosta has yet to have a signature draft class of his own since he took over for Ozzie Newsome in 2019, but if a good chunk of these players can fully unlock their potential in the pros, this very well could be the year that finally happens.

Biggest Reason for Concern: The Wide Receiver Situation 

Trading Marquise Brown to the Cardinals for a 1st round pick was the right move for the Ravens. Mark Andrews is firmly entrenched as the top target in this passing offense and Brown's play is far too inconsistent to warrant the $15-20 mil per year payday he'l likely be seeking after his rookie deal expires after the 2023 season. If Linderbaum ends up being the rock-solid NFL center he's widely projected to be and punter Jordan Stout-who was selected with the extra 4th round pick the Ravens got from the Bills when they agreed to trade down 2 picks to #25-is the long-term replacement for the retired franchise cornerstone Sam Koch, the deal will turn into a grand slam.

As much as I support the move and believe Brown is a highly overrated player, it's hard to get on board with the group of WR's they're trotting out in 2022. At the bare minimum, Brown was a competent starter who is capable of making splash plays at any given time. With Brown and Sammy Watkins gone, there's no receiver in the locker room that even fits that modest profile. 

2021 1st round pick Rashod Bateman is the de facto #1 on draft position alone. While he looked alright in 12 games as a rookie (46 REC/515 YDS/1 TD on 68 targets), nothing about his play screamed "he's ready to be a #1 WR in his 2nd season!". Having a fully loaded supporting cast back after dealing with last season's skeleton crew should make things easier for him to do his job but expecting him to fare well against the likes of Denzel Ward, Chidobe Awuize and Mike Hilton right away isn't a realistic goal.

Locked to into the #2 role based on seniority is their return specialist Devin Duvernay. He's an explosive athlete who was solid at the University of Texas as a full-time starting wideout and has the wiggle/speed combo to make plays in the open field at this level, but he only has 473 receiving YDS through 2 seasons and struggled to get playing time last year when guys were banged up.

The rest of the depth chart is a hodgepodge of anonymous deep ball specialists (James Proche), undrafted rookies/practice squaders (Binjimen Victor, Jaylon Moore, Slade Bolden, Bailey Gaither, Makai Polk) and complete wild cards (2021 4th round pick Tylan Wallace-who only caught 2 passes for 23 YDS as a rookie). Getting any degree of consistent contributions out of them would be a very nice surprise. Fully expect Jackson to bless Andrews with a massive target share and their passing attack to become absolutely useless if Andrews happens to miss any amount of time with an injury. 

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Lamar Jackson Rounding Out His Game

The only person happier about the news of Kyler Murray's extension than Murray himself had to be Jackson. Murray has a 22-24-1 overall record, 1 playoff appearance/winning season, 2 Pro Bowls and a profound love for Call of Duty to his name and he just got a deal that's going to pay him $160 mil guaranteed over the next 5 seasons. Jackson is 38-15 as a starter (with 7 of those losses coming during last season's injury-ravaged regular season campaign), the only QB in the NFL history to have 2 1,000+ YD rushing seasons, was league MVP in 2019 and has only missed the playoffs in 1 of his 4 NFL seasons. If Murray can get $160 mil guaranteed with his subpar resume, there's no reason Jackson can't get at least $200 mil with all he's accomplished so far.

Jackson has bet on himself every step of the way by refusing to sign an extension ahead of the final year of his rookie deal. If he shows out this season and gets the Ravens back on track after a brutally unlucky 2021 campaign, he'll earn a whole lot of W's for his team and himself a whole lot of money. 

In order for Jackson to maximize the dollar amount of his deal and the Ravens to have their best shot of making a deep playoff run, he's going to have to become a more consistent passer. His accuracy, footwork and poise when he steps back to pass are downright brilliant at times, but there are others where he shows poor touch/ball placement and has some wonky releases that lead to head-scratching incompletions that other top QB's rarely have. Rushing with the possibility of making some big play through the air makes Jackson a uniquely dangerous weapon at quarterback. Being able to reliably torch people with his arm and his legs would make him and the Ravens downright unstoppable.

Bottom Line:

After last year's stunning display of shit luck, the Football Gods owe the Ravens some good fortune. I believe they will get it in spades and the league will quickly be reminded of just how talented this team is when they're at full strength.

Cincinnati Bengals

2021 Record: 10-7 (1st in AFC North)

Head Coach: Zac Taylor (4th season)

Notable Additions: T La'el Collins, G Alex Cappa, C Ted Karras

Notable Departures: TE C.J. Uzomah, T Riley Reiff, DT Larry Ogunjobi

Biggest Reason for Excitement: They Aggressively Addressed the Offensive Line in the Offseason

Mike Brown opening up his pockets in back-to-back offseasons is such a pleasant, if not shocking sight to behold. I guess having an exciting young corps headlined by a real franchise quarterback, winning a playoff game for the first time since 1990 and reaching the Super Bowl for the first time since 1988 is a perfectly good reason to loosen the old purse strings. 

The primary target of Brown's 2022 spending was offensive line, which is the right response to have after watching Joe Burrow get destroyed by opposing front 7's throughout the playoffs and that group's poor play arguably being the biggest reason the team fell short of winning the Super Bowl.

In a class that almost completely lacked splashy names at the spots where they needed help (everywhere but left tackle), Brown made a point to target solid players who seemed to have smaller markets. This approach landed him a pretty good haul of Alex Cappa-who was part of the Bucs o-line renaissance over the past 2 seasons, Ted Karras-a versatile interior lineman with tons of playoff experience from his time with the Patriots and La'el Collins-who has been one of the best right tackles in the league over the past 5 seasons  Being able to lock up gave who have balanced skills sets and solid resumes to reasonable deals that doesn't put too much of a burden on their future cap situation-which is vital considering how much they're going to have to pay Burrow, Ja'Marr Chase and current holdout Jessie Bates to stay with them-is just the cherry on top of some well-placed free agent spending.

While things aren't exactly perfect with this group as left guard is still unsettled (Jackson Carman is currently the penciled-in starter, but that could change if more materializes from the rape/statutory rape allegation that was brought upon him in the spring-which would force rookie tackle convert Cordell Volson into the lineup) and the durability of left tackle Jonah Williams remains a major point of concern, Brown took some aggressive, necessary step towards stabilizing the unit and minimizing the chances of Burrow becoming the next talented player that gets prematurely knocked out of the league on account of terrible offensive line play.

Biggest Reason for Concern: Last Season's Success Getting to Their Heads

From a raw talent standpoint, the Bengals have one of the brightest futures in the league. They have a franchise quarterback, loaded receiver core, hard-nosed bellcow back, a frisky defense that can get after the quarterback and generate takeaways at a high clip and nearly all of their best players are either just entering their primes or young guys that conceivably haven't even sniffed the peak of their powers yet. There is however, one thing that can come in and easily cancel out all that promise: A shitty mindset. 

Achieving success in professional sports at a young age can be a double-edged sword. Obviously gaining big game experience can be extremely valuable for a player's development and preparation habits, but it can also breed this dangerous sense of entitlement where guys expect a run to happen every year simply because it happened once before. That type of hubris can crush you-particularly in the NFL where a lot of things needs to go right in the execution/matchup draw/in-game luck department to make one run, let alone achieve sustained excellence in the league. Any player that fails to understand the fleeting, hard-earned nature of success in the NFL isn't likely to achieve any meaningful amount of it.

To be fair to the Bengals, there is no evidence out there that suggests they are going to succumb to this problem, but this is a super young roster with only a handful of guys (Trey Hendrickson, Mike Hilton, Vonn Bell, Karras, Cappa) that have even had a little bit of true success in the pros prior to last season, so the concern over the potential of this materializing is going to be on the table until the moment they prove otherwise. 

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Staying Focused and Building on Last Year's Incredible Run

Getting that close to the peak of the sports world and going home empty-handed is devastating. The greats let that heartbreak eat at them until they get another chance to taste the sweet nectar of victory, but unfortunately some of them never will. While actually getting to the top is a complicated endeavor that isn't fully in the hands of an individual or team, learning from past mistakes and putting in the right amount of hard work is certainly going to increase the odds of somebody getting another crack at earning a title. 

In the case of the Bengals, having leaders in Burrow, Chase, Bell and Tee Higgins that won titles at the college level and a couple of guys (Karras, Cappa) that have won Super Bowls around forms a pretty good foundation in that locker room. The more guys that have even somewhat of a clue of what it's like to break through and stake your claim as the greatest team in your league, the better. When the guys at the top are leading the charge by watching film, emphasizing the little things in practice, etc and creating a culture where execution, preparation and accountability in the pursuit of a championship are emphasized, you're likely going to have a team that is hungry to win and will do everything in their power to try and make it happen.

The same thing applies to the performance of their coaching staff. They can't just sit back and hope that the unbelievable potential of their roster is enough for them be perennial contenders. The game-planning needs to be better. The playcalling and personnel substitutions needs to be better (playing Joe Mixon over Samjae Perine in 3rd down situations would be a good place to start). Their discipline on both sides of the ball needs to be better.  Nobody thought much of Zac Taylor, Lou Anarumo and Brian Callahan ahead of last season and that disrespect will return if they come out and underwhelm/get burned by the mistakes that didn't cost them last year in 2022.

Bottom Line:

Considering their offensive line upgrades, very minimal roster turnover and sheer volume of viable ascending or prime year talent they have on both sides of the ball, the Bengals should be back in contention in 2022.

Cleveland Browns

2021 Record: 8-9 (3rd in AFC North)

Head Coach: Kevin Stefanski (3rd season)

Notable Additions: QB Deshaun Watson, WR Amari Cooper, C Ethan Pocic

Notable Departures: QB Baker Mayfield, WR Jarvis Landry, C J.C. Tretter

Biggest Reason for Excitement: Nothing

Finding no reason for joy, excitement or anything besides pure fucking misery has been the emotional default for Browns fans approximately 90% of the time since they were resurrected in 1999. But this time it's a bit different because the homewrecking wasn't caused by making a bad draft pick or hiring the wrong coach. The Browns braintrust (Jimmy Haslam, Andrew Berry, Kevin Stefanski) somehow thought it was in the best interest of the team to trade 6 total draft picks including their 1st rounders from 2022-24 for Deshaun Watson and ink him to a FULLY GUARANTEED $230 mil deal that made him the highest paid NFL player in history. 

Even if you're the kind of person that has no qualms about what Watson was accused of doing to those 30 or so Houston-area massage therapists or believe these women are involved in some kind of conspiracy to soil his good name because he didn't want to play for the Texans anymore, can you say with a straight face that it was in the best interest of the franchise to stake their future on a man that is heading towards an indefinite suspension and currently hasn't played in an NFL game in almost 2 years? Watson is an unbelievable talent with a special dual-threat skill set that is extremely difficult to contain, but what good is any of that if he's BARRED FROM PLAYING THE GAME. Potentially compromising the future of a team that went to the playoffs 2 years ago and reeled off 8 wins last year despite being extremely banged up all season long for the prospect of maybe getting the services of an athletically gifted serial sexual predator is an incredible act of self-sabotage, so kudos to you Browns for your continued commitment to be being world class bozos.

Biggest Reason for Concern: The Team Acquired and Handsomely Paid a Serial Sexual Predator to Be Their Franchise Quarterback 

After a disappointing 2021 seasons, sources from inside the Browns organization stated they wanted to move on from Baker Mayfield and get "an adult in the room" to play quarterback. Apparently, what they meant to say was that they want to "get an adulterer in the room". Don't you just hate when teams and the NFL headline peddlers they use as their PR teams get their wires crossed!!! 

Watson allegedly committed an array of sex crimes including sexual assault, forced groping of his genitals and indecent exposure against 30 women over an 18-month period from 2019-21 that brought civil lawsuits upon him and was only "exonerated" because a Texas grand jury failed to indict him on 8 criminal charges after he plead the 5th to all of the questions he was asked. Despite the failure to advance these cases to the criminal court, 22 civil lawsuits against Watson are still ongoing and in his limited media appearances since joining the Browns, Watson has repeatedly said that he believes he did nothing wrong, and he's never abused a woman in his life.  But hey, at least they were able to part ways with Mayfield for his unforgivable crime of being a cocky, outspoken NFL quarterback.

Plenty of people in sports media have said in far more eloquent words than I ever could produce as to why bringing in Watson is so reprehensible-particularly for the women he abused who have to watch him smile and play football like nothing ever happened and female fans of the team seeing once again that the people in this league don't give a shit who you abuse or torment as long as you go out and play well on Sunday. So, I'd like to use this space to raise some attention to a parallel story that hasn't got the level of attention it should: There are vocal portions of the Browns fanbase that seem to harbor more ill will towards Mayfield than Watson. 

Mayfield's big-mouthed antics might've pissed off some beat reporters and guys in the locker room, but some decorum missteps aren't the same as being a serial sexual predator. Some people embracing Watson while condemning Mayfield is just an outside the box example of a larger societal problem of certain men just being proudly unapologetic sexists that view women as subservient beings whose only purpose is to be exploited for their pleasures and desires. I don't how any of you people are able to say that you love your mom, wife, sister or daughter with degree of any sincerity when you deny or minimize the harm of the actions of the people that take great enjoyment in dehumanizing them. We're not going to achieve anything that even resembles true equality until this mindset is eradicated from every level of our societies, but as Watson's initial 5-month tenure as a Brown has helped reinforce, that day isn't going to arrive anytime soon if it even happens at all.

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Getting Access to a Time Machine and Not Trading for Deshaun Watson

Maybe the Greater Cleveland area is the place where the magical hot tub, phone booth or other otherworldly scientific device that can teleport people from one period in time to another is hiding. If so, Haslam needs to use some of his truck stop convenience store money to get access to that thing pronto. There are so many different paths that would net better outcomes than giving up so many assets for Watson. You could make up with Mayfield after throwing him to the wolves after a season where he was playing with a hurt throwing shoulder for the final 12 games, give up less draft capital for the services of Matt Ryan/Jimmy Garoppolo or maybe even get real crazy and draft somebody. In the more likely scenario that Haslam can't get his hands on this fancy, fictional tech, things are looking pretty fucking dire in The Forest City for at least the next 3-5 years.

Bottom Line:

Whatever potential this team had got largely destroyed when they acquired and extended a quarterback that has a legitimate chance of receiving an indefinite suspension. You reap what you sow. 

Pittsburgh Steelers

2021 Record: 9-7-1 (2nd in AFC North)

Head Coach: Mike Tomlin (16th season)

Notable Additions: QB Mitch Trubisky, CB Levi Wallace, G James Daniels

Notable Departures: QB Ben Roethlisberger (retired), DE Stephon Tuitt (retired), WR JuJu Smith-Schuster  

Biggest Reason for Excitement: Ben Roethlisberger Has Finally Retired

It took a year or two longer than expected, but Big Ben has finally been put out to the pasture. The 40-year old future Hall of Famer decided to repay the Steelers for their unwavering loyalty to him by deciding to not steal the organization's money for a 3rd consecutive season and retire after the handful of remaining molecules that make up his body had a really rough go of it during a 2021 season where they somehow were able to make the playoffs in spite of his gross ineffectiveness. Being free from the Roethlisberger-sized albatross that's weighed them down for 2 straight season opens up a ton of exciting possibilities like actually being able to utilize the blistering speed of Dionate Johnson and Chase Claypool by throwing the ball more than 11 YDS downfield, having a QB that has enough mobility in their legs to entertain leaving the pocket on occasion and seeing Najee Harris face less comically stacked boxes on account of their non-threatening passing game. Can't wait to see what Matt Canada can do with his newfound freedom in the scheming and playcalling department. 

Biggest Reason for Concern: The Quarterback Situation

As much as Roethlisberger's exit is a cause for jubilation in Western Pennsylvania, the Steelers don't exactly have an airtight succession plan. At the moment, Mitch Trubisky and rookie Kenny Pickett are locked in a camp battle for the starting job with the ex-Bears starter taking the 1st team reps at camp while longtime backup Mason Rudolph serves as the mentor/de facto player coach for a pair of guys who are new to this system. Considering that it's been almost 20 years since the last time things were legitimately unsettled at this position, this perceived QB competition is a scary proposition for an organization that (rightfully) prides itself on its top-down stability.

The truth is that fans have every right to not feel overly great about either guy. Trubisky was a pretty average starter during his 4 years with the Bears who nobody felt was good enough to compete for a starting job last season (he ended up serving as Josh Allen's backup in Buffalo) while Pickett has a ton of very legitimate questions surrounding his game (size, fumbling issues, arm strength, lack of productivity prior to the 2021 season despite being the starter at Pitt for 3 prior seasons) and is significantly more grizzled than any of his counterparts from the so-so 2022 QB class (he turned 24 in June, which makes his just 3 months younger than Justin Herbert and older than every single quarterback selected in the 1st round of last year's draft). 

The silver lining to all of this is that there's absolutely no pressure on either guy to succeed this season. It's impossible for them to be as limited as Jurassic Park-era Roethlisberger was and anything above the bare minimum that a starting NFL QB can possibly provide will be a net upgrade for this team. 

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Play of their Defense 

The ugliness of the Steelers past 3 seasons has proved that Mike Tomlin can find ways to win in the regular season game with any quarterback that could ever make onto an NFL field. What separates the Steelers tweener teams from the legitimate good ones is the play of their defense. Last season was the former as that group posted some staggeringly bad numbers outside of their pass defense (9th in YDS allowed/7th in TD's) and pass rush (a league-high 55 sacks), finishing 20th in points allowed and dead last in total run defense-allowing a whopping 5 YDS per carry and 146 YDS per game.

Escaping the tweener zone is going to be an uphill climb in 2022. Their already shaky run defense took a huge blow with the surprise retirement of the great Stephon Tuitt and while it was a cheap, savvy move with the potential to be a heist situation if he can regain his old mojo in a new setting, relying on Myles Jack to upgrade their awful inside linebacker group-that somehow still features 2019 draft bust Devin Bush in a starting role-after the abysmal 2021 campaign he had in Jacksonville would be recklessly naive. 

As difficult as it will be for this group to elevate the elite level they were at in 2020 with these massive deficiencies in their run defense, there are enough reasons to have a glimmer of hope that it's possible.  Free agent pickup Levi Wallace is a tougher, more capable cover guy than Joe Haden is at this point in his career, late offseason edition Larry Ogunjobi gives them yet another capable pass-rusher who should be able to clean up on the inside with all of the attention T.J. Watt, Cameron Heyward and Alex Highsmith draw on every play and despite a wrist injury preventing him of being a full-go at camp right now, Minkah Fitzpatrick is easily capable of making more of an impact than he did during his pretty nondescript 2021 campaign. Tomlin has made things work with less and what becomes of this group could end up altering the entire AFC playoff picture by seasons' end.

Bottom Line:

Mike Tomlin will always put a competitive team on the field and only good things can come from having a new face under center this season. However, that might not be enough for them to earn a 3rd straight playoff spot in an AFC that figures to be much more competitive than it was either of the past 2 seasons.

Projected Standings:

1.Baltimore Ravens (13-4)

2.Cincinnati Bengals (11-6) 

3.Pittsburgh Steelers (9-8)

4.Cleveland Browns (5-12)

Thursday, August 4, 2022

2022 NFL Preview: NFC East

 Dallas Cowboys

2021 Record: 12-5 (1st in NFC East)

Head Coach: Mike McCarthy (3rd season)

Notable Additions: DE Dante Fowler, WR James Washington, OLB Anthony Barr

Notable Departures: WR Amari Cooper, DE Randy Gregory, T La'el Collins

Biggest Reason for Excitement: Seeing what CeeDee Lamb Can Do as a Full Blown WR1

Trading Amari Cooper to the Browns sent some shockwaves throughout the league in the spring and got people questioning why the Cowboys would move on from their top receiver while he's still in the middle of his prime (he just turned 28 in June). To me at least, the answer is very simple: CeeDee Lamb is ready to take on that mantle for himself.

Numbers aside, Lamb has stood out more Cooper than for much of the past 2 seasons. Watching a Cowboys game and not even noticing if Cooper was on the field or not was a pretty regular occurrence. The same can't be said about Lamb. He's a guy who fights through contact, has consistently displayed a willingness to line up all over the field and is equally good at making people miss in the open field and high-pointing balls in contested catch situations. 

Once you factor in the actual numbers, it become even more clear that Lamb (79 REC/1,102 YDS/6 TD in 16 games) outshined Cooper (68 REC/865 YDS/8 TD in 15 games) last season even as a #2. If Lamb can outplay a respected vet in Cooper in just his 2nd year in the league, think of what he could do in the future as the clear go-to guy. Considering the depth of Lamb's skill and the questions over the state of the Cowboys running game, a 3rd year explosion is very much in play. 

Biggest Reason for Concern: The Entire Organization Seems Like It's on the Brink of a Collapse

It's not a secret that the spotlight is always on the Cowboys. They're the most widely known team in the league, Jerry Jones is without question the most visible, talkative individual in the entire NFL world and their roster almost always consists of big personalities with elite, electrifying talent. When the team is winning like they were for the bulk of the last season, everything is gravy at The Star. When there's question marks and concerns about nearly every aspect of the operation, shit can get ugly real fast. 

So how did things go from peachy to prickily so quickly? Simple: The Cowboys put together an all- time flop performance in a home playoff game against a 49ers team that nearly every person that pays attention to football believed they were better than. During that game, Dak Prescott, Ezekiel Eliott and Mike McCarthy in particular put together the type of staggeringly poor performances that makes everybody question whether they have the mental fortitude to perform on the sport's biggest stages. Casting doubts on the star quarterback, star running back and head coach is the type of thing that trickles up to the very top of the organization and Jones is the last person on Earth that a player or coach wants to deal with when there's mounting pressure being put on the team. 

Unless it's dealing with the pervert who ran their PR department for 2 decades, there's no such thing as behind closed doors with Jones. It only took 1 training camp media session for Jones to not so cryptically state that McCarthy needs to win playoff games and Elliott needs to be a productive bellcow again or they're asses are going to be gone. Not exactly the type of lofty expectations you want to set for a team that has a track record of struggling in high leverage situations. If the losses start to stack up during the season, who knows how much worse Jones' public demeanor and comments could get.  

The ultimate irony of this whole situation is that Jones the GM allowing their roster to clearly regress this offseason could be the thing that causes the potential powder keg to explode. Starting guard Connor Williams, #2 pass rusher Randy Gregory, #3/4 WR Cedrick Wilson, kicker Greg Zuerlein, right tackle La'el Collins and Cooper are all gone and guess how many adequate replacements Jones has lined up? 1 and it's Lamb taking over for Cooper. Outside of that, they've gotten worse at all these spots as the likes of Dorance Armstrong, James Washington, Terrence Steele, rookie Tyler Smith and Liram Hajrullahu are currently projected to take over for these departed key contributors. 

On top of those roster losses, they also have a top corner in Trevon Diggs whose comical amount of coverage lapses last season (he allowed a league-high 962 YDS and 5 TD's, which was the 9th most by a CB) got glossed over due to his mind-boggling INT total (11) and a left tackle in Tyron Smith who is as big of an injury risk in the league. 

This could be the year the latest house of cards of Jones' creation comes crumbling down and if it does, prepare for a fucking Red Wedding in Dallas.   

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Playing Up to Their Talent Level for the 1st time in 25 years

Jones has a famous quote in which he says he made a deal with God that if the Cowboys won Super Bowl 30 over the Steelers in January 1996, he would never ask for another Super Bowl win again. Whether it was through divine intervention, human underperformance or both, Jones' deal has held up for the past 25 years. 

His beloved Cowboys have gone from a dynasty that won 3 titles in 5 years to the poster boys for underperforming-logging just 3 playoff wins since they hoisted up the franchise's 5th Lombardi Trophy. With all of his unjustified arrogance and failure to deliver the results he promises, you'd swear Jerry was a politician and not just the dictator of the Cowboys.

There's one thing that could help remove the giant stain from Jones' legacy and kill all of the jokes that have been made at the Cowboys expense for the past 20 years: Actually winning some big games. This team is still absolutely rife with talent on both sides of the ball, so there's no valid excuse for as to why they keep falling short. Prescott is a highly productive veteran starter in his prime that is among the most physically gifted QB's this league, Lamb is on the cusp of being the league's next superstar WR, Tony Pollard is a special change-of-pace weapon out of the backfield who could thrive as a featured back if Eliott proves to have nothing left in the tank, they have a pair of future Hall of Famers in Zach Martin and Tyron Smith anchoring their offensive line, DeMarcus Lawrence has quietly become one of the most productive pass rushers of the past decade and Micah Parsons has the potential to become the most impactful, dynamic defensive weapon to enter the league since Aaron Donald. Throw in a coaching staff led by a Super Bowl champ with a career 60.2% winning percentage in McCarthy and two ace coordinators in Kellen Moore and Dan Quinn and you're looking at a murder's row of gifted personnel.  Now, go out there, ignore the noise and prove that your immensely talented team is capable of something greater than beating up on Washington in Week 9.

Bottom Line:

Key losses to their roster paired with massive expectations is just too much for this feeble-minded roster and HC to overcome.    

New York Giants

2021 Record: 4-13 (4th in NFC East)

Head Coach: Brian Daboll (1st season)

Notable Additions: G Mark Glowinski, QB Tyrod Taylor, C Jon Feliciano

Notable Departures: CB James Bradberry, TE Evan Engram. S Jabril Peppers

Biggest Reason for Excitement: The Arrival of Brian Daboll

Hiring the sharpest offensive mind available in this head coaching cycle was a huge win for the Giants. Bringing him in as a replacement for a universally despised, woefully inept hardo in Joe Judge made the move that much better. While it will be hard for Daboll to make an impact in year 1 with a shaky roster and awful cap situation (Leaving a roster in absolute shambles after he leaves is the Dave Gettleman difference folks), coming in and establishing a legit NFL system alongside his top assistants (OC Mike Kafka, DC Don "Wink" Martindale), overhauling a terrible culture and identifying the key pieces the team wants to build around should be enough to have the Giants arrow at least starting to point in the right direction at the end of the year.  

Biggest Reason for Concern: The Roster Still Stinks:

There's no way around it: The Giants roster is abysmal. Years of mismanagement by the wonderful Gettleman ensured that not a single position group on the entire roster can be considered anything above average at this juncture and James Bradberry-who was arguably their best player-got cut in an effort to stop the bleeding ahead of next offseason. There are some reasons to get excited about the continued development of left tackle Andrew Thomas, the upside of their rookie class (Kayvon Thibodeaux, Evan Neal, Wan'dale Robinson, Cordale Flott, Dane Belton) and the prospects of what guys like Saquon Barkley, Blake Martinez, Adoree' Jackson, Kadarious Toney and Azeez Ojulari could do if they're fortunate enough to stay healthy for the bulk of the season, but outside of that, it's a pretty bleak situation in East Rutherford at the moment.

Key to Reaching Ther Ceiling: Brian Daboll Working Some Magic on Daniel Jones:

Daniel Jones has a rough go so far in the NFL. His 3 seasons with the Giants have been defined by stepping on the toes of a franchise legend in Eli Maning during his rookie year, some of the funniest blunders in recent NFL history (never forget the long TD run that was thwarted by him tripping) and poor coaching from a stunning collection of characters including Pat Shurmur, Jason Garrett and Freddie Kitchens. Underneath all of the bad luck, losses and memes, it's hard to remember that the kid has flashed at times. With Daboll coming in and him entering the final year of his rookie deal (his 5th year option was understandably declined), could Jones be in line to finally have a solid season in the pros? Crazier things have happened in this stupid league.

From a pure physical profile standard, Jones bears some resemblance to Josh Allen. He's tall, mobile and unafraid to take shots from the opposing defenses-which gives him the raw traits to be a scheme-fit for Daboll's rollout-heavy system. 

 Critics of Jones will argue that his tendency to turn the ball over is poor enough that he could sink any coach or system and that's not exactly wrong as he's lost 20 fumbles and thrown 29 INT's in 38 career games. However, Allen has similar issues when he started working with Daboll back in 2018. Considering that Jones is deeper into his career than Allen was when he started getting tutored by Daboll, it's possible that the bad habits go away and he takes to the new system faster than Allen-who finally broke out in 2020-did. If Daboll can unlock something in Jones this season, the Giants may be set for the future at QB after all.

Bottom Line:

Barring Daboll revealing himself to be the greatest improver of talent in league history, this is going to a painful season for the rebuilding Giants that won't provide much excitement outside of some young players popping or people being reminded that Joe Judge is gone. 

Philadelphia Eagles 

2021 Record: 9-8 (2nd in NFC East) 

Head Coach: Nick Siriani (2nd season)

Notable Additions: WR A.J. Brown, CB James Bradberry, OLB Haason Reddick

Notable Departures: G Brandon Brooks (retired), CB Steven Nelson, S Rodney McLeod

Biggest Reason for Excitement: Howie Roseman Putting Together What Could Be the Best Offseason in the Entire League

After a relatively quiet 2021 offseason, Howie Roseman was working the phones like crazy this offseason to try and improve the roster of a team that surprised a lot of people last season with a 9-8 finish. In free agency, he landed Camden, NJ/Temple University product Haason Reddick-who has posted 22.5 sacks, 34 QB hits and 27 TFL's over the past 2 seasons-to bolster their pass rush, Giants cap casualty James Bradberry to replace the departed Steven Nelson as their #2 outside corner, and rangey, underrated veteran safety Jaquiski Tartt to compete for Rodney McLeod's old job. On draft night,  Roseman got back to his finessing ways by sending 2 draft picks to the Titans (#18 and #101 overall in this year's draft) for budding star WR A.J. Brown-who just turned 25 in June- and flipping their other 2 1's to the Saints for 2 1's in next year's in the deal that ultimately landed New Orleans Chris Olave all while still landing some high-end rookie talent (defensive tackle Jordan Davis, athletic center Cam Jurgens, inside linebacker Nakobe Dean-who fell to the 3rd round due to concerns about a pec injury he suffered in college) that could turn into foundational pieces for this team down the line. This is the kind of balanced, wisely calculated approach to roster building that can turn teams into long-term contenders and it wouldn't shock me at all if the Eagles offseason season additions make the biggest on-field impact for their squad in 2022. 

Biggest Reason for Concern: Jalen Hurts' Ability to Produce in Strictly Passing Situations

Jalen Hurts' 1st full season as the Eagles starting QB went well enough. He was a weapon in the rushing game (784 rushing YDS and 10 TD's on 139 carries), displayed pretty decent accuracy (61.3 CMP%) and had no problem getting in sync with top pass catchers DeVonta Smith and Dallas Goedert. Adding a legit top WR in A.J. Brown that can make huge plays while also opening up more opportunities for Smith, Goedert and the other WR's (Quez Watkins, free agent pickup Zach Pascal, Greg Ward, maybe Jalen Reagor) to run free should only make Hurts' job easier.

Despite the votes of confidence Hurts has received from his teammates and coaching staff and the addition of Brown, it remains to be seen if Hurts can make throws in non-RPO and play action situations. In his 19 career starts so far, Hurts has failed to do much of anything in guaranteed throwing situations. A terrific example of this was the thumping the Eagles took at the hands of the Buccaneers in the wild card round. Once the Bucs ran up the score and forced Hurts to throw from the pocket, he was visibly uncomfortable and super ineffective (he finished the game completing 23 of 43 attempts for 258 YDS, 1 TD and 2 INT's).

If Nick Sirrani, QB coach Brian Johnson and Hurts himself are dedicated to winning a championship, they made emphasizing pure passing situations the focal point of OTA's and training camp. Being limited to success in RPO's and play action situations makes the odds of the QB in question leading a comeback very slim. These struggles were responsible for Jared Goff getting traded from the Rams and have fueled a good amount of the criticism aimed at Lamar Jackson. 

Unlike Jackson-who makes most of his throws from the pocket and has proven he can make precise throws on 3-to-5-step dropbacks, Hurts hasn't really shown that he has the foundation in place to make plays from there. Hurts is inclined to roll out before he releases the ball or throw while still on the run and it's going to take some mechanical adjustments and a lot of live reps for him to get comfortable throwing in a contained box behind the center. Considering that there was some speculation that the Eagles were considering moving on from Hurts after last season, his long-term future in Philly could depend on whether or not he becomes a more well-rounded passer.

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Finding a Balanced Attack on Offense

Another fundamental flaw of the Eagles offense last season was the lack of rushing firepower outside of Hurts. Kenneth Gainwell made the occasional eye-popping play, but was largely just a cog in the machine as a rookie, Boston Scott continued to be just a guy and despite averaging a career best 5.5 YDS per carry and only losing 1 fumble, Miles Sanders betrayed his home-running hitting ways in year #3 by failing to score a TD.

The bad news for the Eagles is that the only change they made to their backfield heading into 2022 was adding undrafted power back Kennedy Brooks to the mix-who might not even make the team. The good news is that the offensive line should be better in 2022 now that guard Landon Dickerson has a full healthy offseason and 800+ reps of game action under his belt and there's ample potential for improvement among the trio of returning backs. Sanders' aforementioned speed and aptitude for breaking off run paired with his contract status (he's in the final year of his rookie deal) could lead to him overachieving this year. Gainwell was a superb pass-catcher in college and unlocking that tool in the pros would add a new element to this unit and as boring as he is, Scott doesn't make mistakes and has proven he can put up adequate numbers when he's called into action. The bones for a balanced rushing attack are here, now it's up to the backs to step up and Siranni to call more non-QB rushing plays so the offense can become less predictable, and Hurts can put effort into focusing on making the strides he needs to make as a passer.   

Bottom Line:

Their roster improvements along with the likely regression from the other 3 teams puts the Eagles in a great to spot to win the NFC East for the 5th time since 2010.

Washington Commanders

2021 Record: 7-10 (3rd in NFC East)

Head Coach: Ron Rivera (3rd season)

Notable Additions: QB Carson Wentz, G Andrew Norwell, G Trai Turner

Notable Departures: G Brandon Scherff, S Landon Collins, QB Ryan Fitzpatrick (retired)

Biggest Reason for Excitement: This Might Be the Last Season Dan Snyder Owns the Team

The litigation process of Deshaun Watson's cases is just the latest example of the NFL not caring about sexual misconduct, so it's not shocking that the string of allegations levied upon Commanders owner Dan Snyder and many of his (now former) underlings in 2021 weren't enough for him to lose the team (the extent of his punishment so far was ceding the day-to-day operational control to his wife.) But when a report earlier this year revealed that Snyder withheld money from the league's revenue-sharing kitty by fudging the ticket sales numbers for his team's home games so he could pocket tens of millions of dollars more for himself, being forced to sell sudden became a real possibility. Creating a culture where women are harassed, objectified and abused is completely fine in the eyes of the league's shot callers, but the moment you start fucking the rest of the league's money up, your head is going straight into the guillotine.

Regardless of the circumstances behind it, Snyder losing the Commanders would cause a mass celebration among their fans. This is something that Commanders fans wanted to happen well before he was outed as a predatory, misogynist piece of trash and a dope who thought he could get away with stiffing his fellow owners out of money. His tenure as owner saw this once respected, pretty consistently successful team turn into a complete shit show. Snyder has consistently made shaky personnel moves/coaching hires, refused to change the team's nickname until he got guilted into it after the murder of George Floyd in May 2020 briefly caused white people to reckon with the ever-present, eternal evils of racism and even bought a DC sports talk radio station and turned into a state-run media arm because he felt the station's hosts were too critical of his team. Ending Snyder's reign of ineptitude, dysfunction and media censorship would finally give this team a long-awaited fresh start and opportunity to return to their former glory-which is something these fans more than deserve after 22 painful seasons under his control.  

Biggest Reason for Concern: Trotting Out Carson Wentz as Their Starting Quarterback

Since Snyder still owns the team for now, he had to make his potential final inexplicable move count. Washington was understandably in the veteran QB market this season after 2021 proved that Taylor Henicke wasn't anything more than a respectable backup and considering the array of other needs they had and lack of top-end talent in this class, drafting a quarterback in the early stages of the draft did make sense (they did end up taking Sam Howell in the 5th round, which is an intriguing flyer that could end up working out). In a year where there was a staggering amount of established QB's available including Russell Wilson, Matt Ryan, Baker Mayfield and Jimmy Garoppolo-whose still on the 49ers roster right now, the Commanders went out right away and dealt 2nd and 3rd round picks in 2022 and a conditional 3rd pick in 2023 for.... Carson Wentz? Well played Snyder, you repulsive shitbag. 

Agreeing to give up a decent amount of pretty valuable capital for Wentz reeks of a move that was birthed by analytics. Yes, Wentz's statline was perfectly fine (3,525YDS/27 TD/7 INT/62.4 CMP%) last year, but his failure to win any of final 3 games of the season was solely responsible for the Colts falling out of the playoffs last season. He was skittish, overly conservative and couldn't make throws more than 10-15 YDS downfield all season long and those flaws ultimately derailed the team when it mattered most. Some of the blame can be tied to the Colts lack of viable receivers outside of Michael Pittman, but for the most part, these flaws are consistent with the player Wentz has been become following his return from the torn ACL that derailed his magical MVP campaign in 2017.

Giving Wentz another crack at starting at age 29 going on 30, particularly for a team that has a coach on the hotseat and an offense that is loaded with potential offensive gaps, makes very little sense. Washington is actually an even less ideal situation for Wentz than the Colts were as they have the exact same issues at WR (1 reliable stud in Terry McLaurin surrounded by a whole lot of unproven young guys and shaky, injury-prone vets), a so-so offensive line that could get worse with Brandon Scherff effectively getting traded to Jacksonville for Andrew Norwell and a running game that isn't nearly good enough to bail him out like Jonathan Taylor repeatedly did last year. Somebody like Garoppolo would've been much better suited to be a stopgap option for this team and the eagerness to go with Wentz over him could come back to bite the Commanders in the ass. 

Key to Reaching Their Ceiling: Ron Rivera Coaching His Ass Off

It was true last year and it's still true now, Ron Rivera is the type of coach that can get teams to overperform all by himself. He's a fiery, well-respected guy who has the gamesmanship and X and O's skills to maximize people's output. In his inaugural 2 seasons in DC, he realized that 2020 7th round pick Kamren Curl was ready to start right away, helped Kendall Fuller return to form after a questionable tenure with the Chiefs and got Jonathan Allen to ascend from good to great by letting him rush the pass more on the interior. This year presents another tough batch of challenges for Rivera including getting Jamin Davis back on track after a brutal rookie season where he couldn't stop a nosebleed, determining what the early down RB workload split between Antonio Gibson and rookie Brian Robinson Jr. will look like and potentially find a replacement for Chase Young while he continues to heal from the torn ACL he suffered last November (James Smith-Williams-who has only 3 career sacks-is currently operating alongside Montez Sweat on the 1st team defense). If Rivera can figure that shit out and get even a little something more than expected out of Wentz, Washington might be able to surprise some people in the NFC East.    

Bottom Line:

This team is largely unchanged from last year, but Carson Wentz's presence alone will likely earn them another notch or two in the loss column. 

Projected Standings:

1.Philadelphia Eagles (11-6)

2.Dallas Cowboys (8-9)

3.Washington Commanders (6-11)

4.New York Giants (4-13)

Tuesday, August 2, 2022

Predator Ranked

Welcome to "Ranked", a weekly series where I rank a franchise or filmography from worst to best. This week, I'm profiling the "Predator" franchise ahead of Friday's release of "Prey" on Hulu.

6.Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007):

There was a pretty widespread belief ahead of its release that Requiem would be an improvement over the previous Alien vs. Predator movie because it was rated R and could deliver the gore that its predecessor didn't have. Many of these people (myself included) that had this take deeply regretted it once they actually laid their eyes on Requiem. As flawed as Alien vs. Predator was, at least it had competent production values and a cast occupied by professional actors opposed to this cheap, shoddily constructed piece of shit. How a major studio movie released in the year 2007 could be so poorly lit, shot and edited is borderline unfathomable as is the fact its hack directors-who are credited as The Brothers Strause-were given major studio money to direct another movie (the even worse 2010 sci-fi flick Skyline) after this display of gross ineptitude. A few cool moments of gore are the only thing preventing this from falling to the absolute bottom of the shit pile.

Grade: D

5.Alien vs. Predator (2004):

Despite Requiem doing wonders to help improve its standing, Alien vs. Predator still isn't a particularly good movie. The direction from the normally stylish, chaotic Paul W.S. Anderson (Event Horizon, most of the Milla Jovovich Resident Evil franchise) is shockingly flat, the story which involves the exploration of an Arctic pyramid is dumb without being much fun and the lack of gore feels downright odd for the mashup of two franchises that are synonymous with people meeting graphic, disgusting ends. 

Grade: C-

4.Predator 2 (1990):

Despite its noble effort to not simply rehash the original, Predator 2's failure to create its own form of magic causes it to stumble as a sequel. Danny Glover is no Arnold Schwarzenegger, Downtown Los Angeles isn't a particularly exciting hunting ground for the title character and Stephen Hopkins didn't direct with the claustrophobic tension or general panache that John McTiernan brought to the original. With all of that being said, it wouldn't surprise me at all if time was kind to this one. All of the sequels/spin-offs that followed this didn't share much of the original DNA's either and a couple of them are films that I actually enjoy a good amount. 

Grade: C

3.The Predator (2018):

Count me as a member of the small club that thinks The Predator is not only overhated, but actually quite entertaining. Outside of its clunky, bizarrely slow opening 30 minutes, The Predator is a funny, gory and self-aware piece of unapologetic dumb fun that sees Shane Black successfully recapturing the essence of his 80's/90's buddy action comedy blockbusters (Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout, The Long Kiss Goodnight). 

Grade: B+

2.Predators (2010): 

Courtesy of its clever concept (predators kidnap an array of killers to hunt on their home planet), emphasis on building tension and number of strong performances from a quietly stacked ensemble cast (Adrien Brody, Alice Braga, Topher Grace, Walton Goggins, Laurence Fishburne, a pre-stardom Mahershala Ali), Predators cements itself as the clear standout among the Predator follow ups thus far.

Grade: B+

1.Predator (1987):

Predator is such a special movie. The way that it combines genres (action, horror, sci-fi), generates suspense through the isolated claustrophobia of its remote jungle setting and sets up an epic showdown of wits between elite hunters is downright masterful. CGI and practical effects work in tandem to create this badass alien species that uses its environment to stalk and kill its prey.  Arnold Schwarzenegger brings enough charisma to the lead role of Dutch to fill 12 movies. And above all, every frame of this movie is exciting, unique and cool as hell.  

Grade: A

Monday, August 1, 2022

2021 in Music: Revisited

In early January when I was working on my year-end retrospective pieces, I felt that 2021 was a pretty mundane year for music that didn't have very many positive or negative standouts. 8 months later, that take hasn't really changed much. My top 10 is exactly the same as it was at the end of the year and only 1 release jumped or slide more than 4 spots. Below, are my updated album and EP rankings for 2021 (with grades) that serve as a tremendous illustration for how little movement there has been in my feelings towards these releases as well how few additional 2021 records I felt compelled to check out this year. Hope you enjoy and check back in a couple weeks for the film edition of revisited. 

()=Year-End Ranking 

EP's:

9.(9) If I Die First-They Drew Blood (C+)

8.(8) Yves Tumor-The Asymmetrical World EP (C+)

7.(7) Benny the Butcher-Pyrex Picasso (B-)

6.(6) SeeYouSpaceCowboy.../If I Die First-A Sure Disaster (B-)

5.(5) Drake-Scary Hours 2 (B)

4.(4) Slaughter Gang & 21 Savage-Spiral: From the Book of Saw Soundtrack (B)

3.(3) Sunami/Gulch-Sunami/Gulch (split) (B)

2.(2) Thank You Scientist-Plague Accommodations (B)  

1.(1) Knocked Loose-A Tear in the Fabric of Life (B+)

LP's:

110.(107) Trippie Redd and Travis Barker-Neon Shark vs. Pegasus (D+)

109.(106) black midi-Cavalcade (D+)

108.(105) Wolf Alice-Blue Weekend (D+)

107.(104) Drake-Certified Lover Boy (D+)

106.(103) A Day to Remember-You're Welcome (C-)

105.(102) Pink Sifu-Gumbo'! (C-)

104.(101) SG Lewis-Times (C)

103.(100) BabyTron-Bin Reaper 2 (C)

102.(99) Dropkick Murphys-Turn Up That Dial (C)

101.(98) Architects-For That Wish to Exist (C) 

100.(97) Foo Fighters-Medicine at Midnight

99.(96) The Armed-Ultrapop (C)

98.(95) Young Thug-Punk (C)

97.(94) Nas-King's Disease II (C)

96.(93) Injury Reserve-By the Time I Get to Phoenix (C)

95.(92) Times of Grace-Songs of Loss and Separation (C)

94.(91) Olivia Rodrigo-Sour (C)

93.(90) God's Hate-God's Hate (C+)

92.(89) 24kGoldn-El Dorado (C+)

91.(88) Yaujta-The Lurch (C+)

90.(87) Gojira-Fortitude (C+)

89.(86) Migos-Culture III (C+)

88.(85) Don Broco-Amazing Things (C+)

87.(84) Andrew W.K.-God is Partying (C+)

86.(83) City Morgue-Vol 3: Bottom of the Barrel (C+)

85.(82) Pi'erre Bourne-The Life of Pi'erre 5 (C+)

84.(81) Gustaf-Audio Drag for Ego Slobs (B-)

83.(80) Weezer-OK Human (B-)

82.(79) Hayley Williams-Flowers for Vases/Descanos (B-)

81.(78) John Mayer-Sob Rock (B-)

80.(77) Baby Keem-The Melodic Blue (B-)

79.(76) Origami Angel-Gami Gang (B-)

78.(75) Demi Lovato-Dance with the Devil... The Art of Starting Over (B-)

77.(74) Trivium-In the Court of the Dragon (B-)

76.(72) Magdalena Bay-Mercurial World (B-)

75.(71) Obsolete-Animate//Isolate (B-)

74.(70) Depths of Hatred-Inheritance (B-)

73.(69) Abiotic-Ikigai (B-)

72.(68) Signs of the Swarm-Absolvere (B-)

71.(67) Vola-Witness (B-)

70.(73) Japanese Breakfast-Jubilee (B-)

69.(66) Trippie Redd-Trip at Knight (B-)

68.(65) Slaughter to Prevail-Kostolom (B-)

67.(64) Don Toliver-Life of a Don (B-)

66.(63) $uicideboy$-Long Term Effects of Suffering (B-)

65.(62) Chevelle-Niratias (B-)

64.(61) Carnifex-Graveside Confessions (B-)

63.(57) Lorde-Solar Power (B-)

62.(60) Isaiah Rashad-The House is Burning (B-)

61.(58) ERRA-ERRA (B-)

60.(59) Kacey Musgraves-Star-Crossed (B-)

59.(56) Hail the Sun-New Age Filth (B-)

58.(55) Rob Zombie-The Lunar Injection Kool-Aid Eclipse Conspiracy (B)

57.(54) Enforced-Kill Grid (B)

56.(53) Cryptosis-Bionic Swarm (B)

55.(52) Diskord-Degenerations (B)

54.(new) Wristmeetrazor-Replica of a Strange Love (B)

53.(51) Born of Osiris-Angel or Alien (B)

52.(49) King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard-Butterfly 3000 (B)

51.(47) Megan Thee Stallion-Something for Thee Hotties (B)

50.(50) Sturgill Simpson-The Ballad of Dood and Juanita (B)

49.(48) Royal Blood-Typhoons

48.(new) Volbeat-Servant of the Mind (B)

47.(46) Anna Pest-Dark Arms Reach Skyward with Bone White Fingers (B)

46.(44) Whitechapel-Kin (B)

45.(45) Remi Wolf-Juno (B)

44.(new) Beartooth-Below (B)

43.(43) Little Simz-Sometimes I Might Be Introvert (B)

42.(42) At the Gates-The Nightmare of Being (B)

41.(41) Dying Wish-Fragments of a Bitter Memory (B)

40.(40) Waking the Cadaver-Authority Through Intimidation (B)

39.(39) JPEGMAFIA-LP! (B)

38.(38) Cannibal Corpse-Violence Unimagined (B)

37.(37) Idles-Crawler (B)

36.(36) slowthai-tyron (B)

35.(35) Vince Staples-Vince Staples (B)

34.(34) Genesis Owusu-Smiling with No Teeth (B)

33.(33) RXK Nephew-Slitherman Activated (B)

32.(32) Limp Bizkit-Still Sucks (B)

31.(31) Atvm-Famine, Putrid and Fucking Endless (B)

30.(30) Silk Sonic-An Evening with Silk Sonic (B)

29.(29) Lana Del Rey-Blue Bannisters (B)

28.(28) Wage War-Manic (B)

27.(27) SeeYouSpaceCowboy...-The Romance of Affliction (B)

26.(26) St.Vincent-Daddy's Home (B)

25.(25) Mastodon-Hushed and Grim (B)

24.(24) First Fragment-Gloire eternelle (B)

23.(23) BROCKHAMPTON-ROADRUNNER: NEW LIGHT, NEW MACHINE (B)

22.(22) While She Sleeps-SLEEPS SOCIETY (B)

21.(21) Inferi-Vile Genesis (B)

20.(20) Lil Nas X-Montero (B)

19.(19) Doja Cat-Planet Her (B)

18.(18) Frontierer-Oxidized (B+)

17.(17) Steel Bearing Hand-Slay in Hell (B+)

16.(15) Pupil Slicer-Mirrors (B+)

15.(16) Spiritbox-Eternal Blue (B+)

14.(14) Archspire-Bleed the Future (B+)

13.(13) Silent Planet-Iridescent (B+)

12.(11) Obscura-A Valediction (B+)

11.(12) Converge and Chelsea Wolfe-Bloodmoon: I (B+)

10.(10) Billie Eilish-Happier Than Ever (B+)

9.(9) King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard-L.W. (B+)

8.(8) Lana Del Rey-Chemtrails Over the Country Club (A-)

7.(7) Rivers of Nihil-The Work (A-)

6.(6) Tyler, the Creator-CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST (A-)

5.(5) Halsey-If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power (A-)

4.(4) Brand of Sacrifice-Lifeblood (A)

3.(3) Between the Buried and Me-Colors II (A)

2.(2) Every Time I Die-Radical (A)

1.(1) Turnstile-Glow On (A)