NFL Wild Card Predictions

San Francisco 49ers over Seattle Seahawks:

It sucks that the Seahawks storybook 2022 season seems destined to end on such a shit note. While the rainy conditions in Santa Clara should be enough to keep things close, the 49ers top-ranked defense should prove to be too much for their offense that has been largely mediocre over the past month to handle, and their porous run defense likely won't have any answers for their 3-headed snake RB committee that's headed up by Christian McCaffery.   

Jacksonville Jaguars over Los Angeles Chargers:

Strike the Jaguars Week 2 blowout victory over the Chargers from the record book. This game between two pretty evenly matched teams should come down to the coaching matchup and I'll take Super Bowl Champion Doug Pederson over Brandon "Trust the Analytics-Expect When It Comes to Playing Your Starters in a Meaningless Game" Staley any day of week. Pederson has had the Jags playing great football over the past month and a half as they rallied from a 3-7 start to win the AFC South while the Chargers have been stringing together narrow wins over bad teams for the better part of a month. Throw in the bonus sting of the Chargers being without Mike Williams on account of the aforementioned boneheaded decision by Staley to play him against the Broncos last week and the Jags' homefield advantage and you have a recipe for a win for the kings of Duval County. 

Buffalo Bills over Miami Dolphins:

Any hope of this game being competitive went out the window once Tua Tagovailoa was ruled out on Wednesday as he continues to deal with symptoms from his 2nd diagnosed concussion this season. Rookie 3rd string QB Skylar Thompson could barely lead the Dolphins past a deflated, undermanned Jets team that had nothing to play for to secure a playoff berth last Sunday, so asking him to go into Buffalo and take out a super motivated, super talented Bills team just isn't realistic. 

New York Giants over Minnesota Vikings:

This preposterous run of the Vikings picking up 1-score victories has to come to an end quicklyin the playoffs, right? While it wouldn't be a full-blown shock if they were able to KO a very young Giants team on this massive stage, Kirk Cousins is liable to implode when you take him out of the comforts of that 1 PM EST time slot, they're at a significant disadvantage on the defensive side of the ball as the Giants are generally pretty good in all phases-especially now that rookie edge rusher Kayvon Thibodeaux is playing at a high level  and the Giants should be hungry to avenge their own 1-score loss to the Vikings that occurred just 3 weeks ago.

Cincinnati Bengals over Baltimore Ravens:

Putting this game in the Sunday primetime slot over Giants/Vikings is massive schedule malpractice by the NFL. The Bengals just thrashed the Ravens last week and there was no chance in hell that Lamar Jackson was going to risk further injuring his knee when he's due to sign a massive new deal within the next 2 months. Tyler Huntley should be less overwhelmed than rookie Anthony Brown was a week ago, so look for the Ravens to lower that margin of defeat from 11 down to 7-9 before they turn their attention to Jackson's contract negations and re-loading for a potential real playoff run in 2023. 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers over Dallas Cowboys: 

Making this pick just feels dirty. Tom Brady is in the same mopey "I'm done with this fucking team" mode that he was with the 2019 Patriots-who went one-and-done in the playoffs- and that team had a supporting cast/heart that was downright legendary compared to this 2022 Buccaneers team. But unlike the 2019 Patriots who had to deal with a frisky Titans team on Wild Card weekend, Brady is being handed a gift by playing the Cowboys. The Cowboys struggles in the playoffs since they won their last Super Bowl in 1995 are well-documented and there's no reason to believe that this particular team-who just got waxed by the Sam Howell-led Commanders in the regular season finale-will put an end to the franchise's long-running postseason woes. This Bucs defense is good enough to force Dak Prescott-who led the league in INT's despite missing 5 games with injury-to make enough mistakes to put Brady in the ideal position to score some points and with the hot seat suddenly intensifying, Mike McCarthy-who has his own checkered history in the playoffs-seems likely to crap his pants in epic fashion. If the Cowboys do indeed lose this game, Jerry Jones could very well fire McCarthy and trade 63 draft picks to the Saints for Sean Payton by the end of the week.