NFL Wild Card Predictions

Cleveland Browns over Houston Texans:

What the Texans have been able to do this year with a rookie QB, rookie head coach, first-time offensive playcaller and mostly young roster has been nothing short of extraordinary considering how bleak things were for them prior to this season. Unfortunately, there's another great story on the opposing sidelines looking to end their storybook season and I believe they'll do it. The Browns powerhouse defense is an excellent matchup against a rookie QB on this stage and the nearly 40-year old gunslinger Joe Flacco-whose made his share of playoff magic over the course of his career-should have no trouble completing some downfield bombs against a below average Texans secondary.   

Kansas City Chiefs over Miami Dolphins:

The temperature in Kansas City tonight is slated to be -15 with the wind chill, so this would be a less-than-ideal matchup for the Dolphins under any circumstances. Throw in all of the key injuries they're dealing with (Jaylen Waddle, Jevon Holland, Raheem Mostert, DeShon Elliott, Xavien Howard-who has already been ruled out) and Kansas City's clear advantage in the physicality department on both sides of the ball and you have a game that's going to be damn near impossible for them to win. The football fans out there that don't have a Peacock subscription locked and loaded for tonight's game are probably excited that a game that has the potential to be really ugly and low-scoring is the one buried behind a streaming paywall.  

Buffalo Bills over Pittsburgh Steelers:

The universal lack of belief in the Mason Rudolph-led Steelers chances of knocking off the red hot Bills all but ensures that this game is going to be surprisingly competitive. Still, the Steelers are likely going to have force Josh Allen into making a lot of mistakes in order to have a chance to win this game and that's going to be hard to do without T.J. Watt out there to disrupt his rhythm.

Dallas Cowboys over Green Bay Packers:

While picking the Cowboys to win a playoff game is always a risky proposition, I feel pretty good about going with them in this spot. They've been a wagon at home this season, Jordan Love and the Packers young receivers could have some real trouble making plays against a Cowboys defense that has mostly been great this season and Mike McCarthy should have a hair across his ass to beat his former team and put the rumors that he's potentially headed to the unemployment line if he underachieves in the playoffs yet again to bed for at least another week.        

Los Angeles Rams over Detroit Lions:

There's something poetic and quite frankly, tragic about the prospect of the Lions best season in 30+ years coming to an end in their own building at the hands of their former franchise quarterback. Considering the deep factory of sadness that is the Detroit Lions organization, the odds of it happening seem very high. Matthew Stafford homecoming narrative aside, I just think the Rams are an awful matchup for the Lions. The Lions defense is leaky at all levels-which gives the Rams free reign to run a really unpredictable, balanced attack, Sean McVay has a significant coaching advantage over Dan Campbell and most importantly, McVay, Raheem Morris and the entire Rams staff knows exactly how to get Jared Goff off balance and turn him into a mess under center after coaching him for 4 seasons. Even with the homefield advantage and the Rams relative lack of experience at some key spots (offensive line, secondary, special teams) that could be exploited, I just don't have a lot of confidence in the Lions ability to pull this one out.

Philadelphia Eagles over Tampa Bay Buccaneers:   

I'm one of the only idiots that is still stubbornly riding with the Eagles on Monday night. Yes, they're reeling after losing 5 out of 6 games to end the regular season. Yes, the defense has become even more of a mess since Matt Patricia replaced Sean Desai as defensive playcaller back in Week 15 against the Seahawks. Yes, it's problematic that Jalen Hurts and DeVonta Smith are going to be playing hurt and A.J. Brown has already been ruled out. Yes, playing in Tampa eliminates the cold weather advantage that warm weather/dome teams are almost never to overcome this time of year.  However even with all these things considered, it can't be overlooked that the Bucs just aren't a very good football team. They limped into the playoffs in the purest sense with the word with back-to-back horrendous performance against the Saints and Panthers (the latter of which was a game they still won since the 2023 Panthers were able to outsuck anybody in the league most weeks), Baker Mayfield is being held together by duct tape at the moment and might spontaneously combust if he takes a few good licks from the Eagles front 7 and have their own slightly under-the-radar defensive struggles spearheaded by their 29th ranked pass defense. Could the Eagles still find a way to lose this game? Absolutely, this is a team that has looked rudderless and completely defeated for weeks now. I just can't bring myself to pick them to lose to a Bucs team that is only in the playoffs on account of winning the clear worst division in the league.